Chris' Birthday Q&A: Curating A Powerful Inner Circle & Coming Back Stronger Than Ever at 48 Post Surgery and Stroke

We have to be making progress in some form in our lives. And even if that's a mom who's at home with her kids but wants to make progress with how she's creating the family structure, like we have to feel like we're making progress somewhere and make that important 100%.

If you're not in the pursuit of something that excites you, then that's going to be a big missing part of your life. And we're back.

Here's another episode of he said, she Said. And today it is your actual birthday.

It is 48.

It is Monday the 24th.

It's your birthday.

Yeah.

And you are heading into. This is like the marker of a whole new year for people. Like, essentially it's either the new year or this time of year. It's kind of a whole new year. And there's a. I don't know if you know this, but there is a lot around this being the end of a nine year cycle.

Yeah. I don't know much about this.

Okay. So last year was the year of the snake, which is all about shedding. Painful transitions, a lot of things that don't serve you anymore. Dying, like, it feels like a big shedding and ending. And the year, the horse, which is this year, is all about like being pushed forward after the shedding because you're lighter and it's like really powerful energy moving into the next year. So with that said, is there anything that you feel like you really shed last year?

Hmm, interesting question. Let me put some thought into this. Okay. I think I know what it is. I think it's two things and let me work through this a moment. So when I had my stroke 15 months ago, something switched in my brain. And I don't just mean like, ooh, big life event. So of course you have a different perspective. Sure, that's part of it. But something switches in your brain when you have a stroke. You have a lot of neural pathway damage. And then when it, when it heals over the course of the following year, it heals differently, believe it or not. And so I think one of the side effects of what I've shed, not even like choosing to, but always wanted to, was people pleasing or doing things as much for others instead of for me. And this is a weird one because I spent the bulk majority of my life saying, oh, I'll always put everybody else first. And I'm going to be the extra generous guy and I'm going to be the extra nice guy. I'm going to do everything for Family and everything for friends and I still do that. It's not like that's gone, but I just have a, gosh, for a lack of a better term, like, eh, fuck off for a moment, I'm going to put me first type of feeling now. It's a feeling and I don't know if that's good, I don't know if that's bad, but I have definitely shed the sacrificing myself for everybody else to a fault Ness, if that's a thing.

Yeah. To your detriment.

To my detriment.

You no longer do it to your detriment for sure, because it was really weighing on you and hurting you.

Yeah. And so that's one thing. And then I think the other thing that I've shed is the expectation of what anything needs to look like. I, I really. And maybe this is what drove me for a long time, but I really had thick, heavy, clear expectation on what everything had to look like. It had to look this way, had to look that way, had to look this way, had to look, had to be this way, had to go that way. Right. And now again, I don't know where this comes from, but this has been a year of no, I don't care what it looks like. It's going to look like what it looks like and I'm just going to get through it, you know what I mean? Or it's going to look like what it's going to look like. And so instead of trying to be so attached to a certain outcome, I'm just going to do the work and see where it lands. And again, I'm not even saying that like, oh, this is some great advanced new way of being. I guess we'll find out. But I really have let go of expectations about what things have to turn out like and look like. Oh my gosh.

Well, they say that expectations are truly the things that make us unhappy.

Yeah. Well, you expect one thing, you don't get it, that creates a letdown or as our friend Christine Hassler would call it, a expectation hangover. Now, I struggle with this, to be honest though, because I think you should have high expectations for everything. Otherwise, what's your goal if you don't expect an outcome? How do you work towards an outcome? So it is a very interesting thing to be like, I'm just kind of not attached to what something looks like anymore and instead I'm just attached to doing the work and see where the chips fall. I.

Well, as the old 80s song says, hold on loosely but don't let go.

There we go. 80s knowledge from a 70s baby.

No, but I think that's. I think that that is just like massive wisdom, is knowing that you have to want the goal, you have to have it in your head, but you're going to be open to whatever form that comes in.

I think you said it better than me right there. It's not that any goals or any high expectations are gone. It's that the expectation of how to get there or how it looks or how it feels or any of that, that part is gone.

Yeah.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

I still plan on a spectacular outcome in life. But how it looks, getting there, or the timeline, or any of that stuff, you just kind of give it up.

Okay, what have you loved the most about getting older?

Maybe what I'm just talking about, there's. It's very interesting. In your 20s, you care so much about what everybody else thinks. In your 30s, you start to really just like yourself a lot more. And so there's this comfort and this confidence that sets in. In your 30s, totally in your 40s, you really start to put little dumb things aside. And I mean, you put them all aside and you only start to care about or focus on what's important. And my favorite part about getting older has been that unapologeticness about just caring about what's important to me and the people I care about and not caring about all the little things that take up your bandwidth and take up your energy and chip away at your time and energy and all that other stuff. I think the other thing I love about getting older is you just start to become, I hate to say, like, more wise. You have more wisdom, and that wisdom gives you a calm or that wisdom gives you a peace. That wisdom kind of feels like a leg up. Listen, you either have your youth in your energy or you have your wisdom in your community. Right. And so you could almost say you're trading one set of advantages for a different set of advantages. I just really like the wisdom and the connections to the incredible community that I have now.

Awesome. What is a piece of advice that you would give to someone waking up in their late 30s or 40s and.

They'Re just not feeling like they're where.

They want to be right now. They just thought it would look different.

That's a great question. You know, I think it's two things. The first one is be ruthless about who you hang out with. Like, ruthless. Just hang out with the people that make you feel good and that love you and that support you and that give you energy and get rid of everybody else. I don't care if it is a family member or a lifelong friend or a business partner or co worker or whatever it is that you make up as an excuse. Like, well, I have to have this person around.

Yep.

I. My advice has become ruthless about only spending time around the people that lift you up and make you feel great, not enable you if you have problems, not just pander to you. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying the people that maybe sometimes will call you out on your stuff, but it makes you feel great because now you're doing the right thing. Or maybe they make you do tough things, but you're becoming a better person because of it. Right. And that makes you feel good. So be ruthless about the quality of individuals that you spend any time with. That's the first one. And I think the second one is be involved in something big and greater than you. I don't care if it's building a bigger business than you would have ever expected or if it is being a part of a bigger cause by volunteering and being really involved in it. Or maybe for some of you it's being really involved in being like the greatest parent that you could possibly be. But not to your detriment. Because I've seen parents that, they make that their purpose and then kids leave house and then they have no purpose.

Yeah.

So it's got to be be involved in something much, much greater. A really big challenging, but in a good way project that makes you step up to the plate every day. Because I really believe that our happiness comes from building something challenging which builds those muscles. Happiness comes from pursuit. Period. Happiness comes from pursuit. And so if you're not in the pursuit of something that excites you, then that's going to be a big missing part of your life.

Creation of any form. I mean, that could literally be hobbies that you're so excited about for people. That could be something you're building a legacy with your family. It's just we have to be making progress in some form in our lives. And even if that's a mom who's at home with her kids but wants to make progress with how she's creating the family structure. Like we have to feel like we're making progress somewhere and make that important. I think it's like making something really important to yourself, being a part of that 100%.

You have to have something that feels so important to you that you are in the pursuit of that you are making progress on or you're going to feel really empty in life.

Okay, taking a moment for a rich girl tip for you. If you're somewhere between 500k and a million and trying to scale beyond that and feeling weirdly stuck right now, I'm going to tell you something that no one in your circle is going to ever tell you. You're not stuck. You're just surrounded by people who can't take you where you want to go. So we need to be honest. You've outgrown your current circle, you've outgrown the rooms that you're in. And probably a whole lot of the advice that you have been getting is only going to have you regress or keep you stuck. Exist exactly where you are. So rich girl rule number one, proximity is a power move, you guys. You can't scale from asking people who haven't built what you want. And number two, if you're the one mentoring everyone, you're in the wrong room. So trust me, Chris and I have learned this the very expensive way. I have to tell you, this is going to hurt. We once paid 75k each for a mastermind where we were the most successful people in the room. Cute for our ego, terrible for our business and our pocketbooks.

That was one of the most expensive.

Expensive lessons we've ever had to learn. No one was stretching us. No one had the answers that we really needed to scale. No one was playing much bigger than us. And we will never do that again. You guys, Everything changed when we finally got into the spaces where people talked. Investments, systems, scale and hiring like CEOs. Not just hustling more rooms where conversations literally collapse. Timelines, you guys. And that's why we created the Elite Entrepreneur Mastermind. It is two, three and a half day luxury in person retreats with incredible experiences and it's monthly challenge solving calls. It's direct access to Chris and myself. It's a curated high level network where money moves faster because everyone is thinking so much bigger. Thinking big and making millions of dollars is the baseline in this room. So if you're ready for that type of room that finally matches your ambition. If you're done being the biggest thinker and pouring everyone in your space and not getting poured into, just go to Instagram and DM me the word apply. Or you can go to show notes and you can click on the link below that says Elite Entrepreneur Mastermind. I will send you all of the details and from there we can book a call. If you have more questions, you Guys, don't forget about rule number three is to not wait for your circle to elevate you get in the room. That literally upgrades your entire identity. And we also have the mentor collective mastermind if you have not hit over 500k yet. So go and check that out. And I am so excited to spend time with you in these incredible in person rooms. Next year.

I want to talk about community and friends because you have built. I know that sometimes, you know, you struggle because your close friends are far. Like a lot of your closest friends are far away.

Get it all wrong.

And you're such a friend person. Like you value your, your guy friendships, you value your couple friendships. And I want to know why that community is so important to you and what you want to tell people about making sure they build that community and take that time.

It's a good question. I don't know the why yet. Why is it so important to me? I don't know, it just is. I've always made that a really big priority as an adult. When I say I make it a big priority, I'm probably usually the one that says, hey guys, time to get that golf trip date booked. Hey guys, time to get the annual snowboard trip booked. And you know, let's get these dates and let's do all that. Hey guys, time to get the, the fantasy football league back together. Hey guys, time to write like or hey, I'm gonna fly in on this date if you guys are all available and why don't you fly in? Why don't you fly in as well? Just random things. I don't know why, but in my adult life I have been diligent about keeping up and building really strong friendships. It is one of the best things I've ever done. It is one of my absolute prized accomplishments or possessions, if you will, or whatever you want to call it is my friendships. How I do it is by making it such a priority. And this is where I think most people go wrong. Life is busy. You can't dispute that. And I'll be honest, I think life is only going to get more expensive and life is only going to get busier the way that the world's going. And so it's very easy to say, well, I don't have the time or I don't have the energy or there's nowhere that would fit on my calendar, or if I leave and go do something for myself with to build these friendships up, then these other things are going to fall behind. So, so why is it worth. Well, it's worth it because if you had nothing, if everything collapsed in your life, if you had literally nothing to show for your life, you would still have these friendships and they would be the key ingredients in rebuilding your life into something you really wanted. Right? It's not going to be your co workers, it's not going to be a business partner, it's not going to be any of that stuff that is there to rebuild your life. If everything were, it would be these lifelong friends that you poured into and there's a lot of people in the world, they're like, well, I don't have good friends or you know, I'm not one of those people ever. Listen, it's a part time job. I text my friends damn near every single morning when I wake up. Random ones, you know, two or three at a time to stay in touch. Hey, haven't heard from you. Well, how's things going? Hey buddy, how's your business going? Leave me a two minute voice note and give, you know, kind of let me know how things are going. I've got certain friends I put on the calendar, check in on them because I know they're going through tough years. So you know, Monday at 10am I've got a couple of friends where I'm like, hey, so and so, just checking on your mental health. How are things going? How can I help you this week? To have friends, to have quality friends is a part time job and I think that's why most people skip it. It's tough spending the money or getting on the airplane or making sure you're sending the texts or taking the phone calls or do when you've got a family or you've got business or you've got obligations and all these other things. But then the alternative is you wake up and you feel like you have no friends or you wake up and you're like, why isn't anybody doing anything for me today on my birthday? Or why isn't anybody doing anything? Right? Like you have to make it a priority to build your friendships. You don't just get some friendships and hope they stay the same. Friendships are probably like a romantic relationship. You're either building it actively or it is slowly dying. There is no, oh good, we built that, now it's going to stay there for a while. And so I think your question was about the spirit of or was around my community, right, How I do it or something like that. It's just an important priority to me and I take the reins on it knowing that most people won't and Somebody has to.

Okay, so building businesses, it's kind of just been who you are, what you love. It's a bit of a sport. It's just something that you really enjoy doing most of the time. Some years are really hard and we don't enjoy doing it. And we wish we just moved to an island and had a farm. And then we realized two weeks later we'd literally be back to wanting to build something.

We'd be trying to figure out how.

To sell our, our farmed goods. Tell me about community and what people like. Give them some advice around structuring people ahead of them. Community, all the things.

This one I think is easy. You've probably heard me chat before and this is not my original idea, but I've talked a lot about it to make sure you set up your community in thirds. So one third of your community should be people you are learning from. They're ahead of you. And that is going to give you the roadmap for your business. That is going to be the knowledge resources for your business. One third of your community should be your peer, right where you are. They understand the exact challenges you're going through right now because they're going through them. Not like you're, you know, the first third of the community. Maybe they went through your challenges 10 years ago, so they think they know, but it's kind of different now. Does that make sense? But the ones who are going through the same challenges right now with you, your peers, that third of your community is priceless. Because not only can they say, oh, I already got this from a guy here, I'll connect you real time, but it's also just good to have that kinship of someone who understands, hey, I'm having this challenge in business. And they normalize it at least by saying, yeah, me too. This happened to me the other day. And you know, I don't want to say misery loves company, but there's power in normalizing that you're not some giant screw up. Does that make sense?

Oh, my God, yeah.

So one third your peers, same spot as you are right now. And then one third of your community, in your business community needs to be people that are learning from you. And I don't mean in a structured way. You don't have to have a coaching program or something like that, but you really do need to actively be reaching back a couple of steps and being there for other people and mentoring other people, because you can learn from them at the same time as helping them. Or they can become future business partners. Like a Lot of the people that we have coached in our programs, they're now partners in our MCM Collective Mastermind, where they do all the coaching in there, the coaching on demand. And so I think that's the best way to structure. You had used the word structure. Right? Now, I would audit your business community, and this is everybody that you know, and I'd make sure that one third of them are ahead of you, one third of them are your peers, kind of at the same place as you, and one third of them are people that you're lifting up. And now if you do that audit and you're like, wait, I don't have it. That's okay. Time to correct it. I would literally, let's say you're like, gosh, I don't have anyone that I'm really mentoring or reaching back to. It's okay. It doesn't have to be a big project, doesn't have to be a burden. Start with just finding someone, right? How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Start with just finding someone saying, hey, I really like this project I've noticed you're doing. I just want to make myself available in case you ever want a sounding board or something. Now, the person may accept it, they may not, but if you really mean it when you say to them, and they're like, yeah, okay, cool. And you don't hear from them, they reach out. A couple of weeks later, like, hey, circling back again, I meant it when I said, I really love this project that you're working on. I think it has a lot of potential. Know that I'm here in case you need anything. And pretty soon you're going to have a couple of people that you're at least mentoring. And so I think it is your responsibility to curate your community when it comes to business. You don't just wake up and have the right people in your community. You have to either seek it out or you have to build it out. Or the shortcut is you can invest in it. So what do I mean by seek it out is like I just described. Think of some people, reach out to them and say, hey, could I mentor you? Could you be my mentor, etc. Let's seek it out. Build it out is build your own infrastructure. Hey guys, I'm putting together a small group. We're going to meet every Saturday morning at the coffee shop. We're going to talk about business. Hey guys, I'm putting together a small group. We're going to meet every Monday morning at 7am to kick off our week, right. And set some goals and hold each other accountable, whatever it might be. Let's build it out, invest in it is like our masterminds, our elite level mastermind, which is mostly seven and eight figure businesses, but you're allowed to apply if you're above 500,000. Or our mentor collective Mastermind, which is for everyone who has a business under 500. $500,000 per year. That's investing it. That's, gosh, I don't have the time and energy and bandwidth to build this out and seek this out. So I'm literally just going to buy my way into the like minded community that I wish I had. And if I'm using our elite entrepreneur mastermind as an example, every year I see people get in there and they're like, oh wow, sure enough, I've got a, you know, say $2 million a year business and automatically by default, there's a couple people in here that have 7, 8, $900,000 businesses trying to get over the million dollar hump. And all of a sudden you've got that one third that needs you. And then you look around the room to your left and to your right and you're like, oh, wow, he has a $2 million business and she has a $2 million business and they have a $2 million business and they HAVE a $2 million. So that's the other third. Right. Those are your peers, they're right where you are. And then you look around the room, you're like, oh my gosh, he just got a $50 million valuation on his business. He just got a $5 million investment from private equity. Oh, she is making $10 million a year this year by cracking the code on X, Y and Z. That's the one third that is slightly ahead of you. And so you can thrust yourself into these rooms, ours or somebody else's, just make sure you vet it well. You can thrust yourself into these rooms if you need to. If you don't want to build it, curate it or go find it.

Yeah, it's so important. Like I literally just looking back, if we're looking collectively at all of the things that we're proud of, like I would say it is making sure that we are surrounded by the right people who help pull us up every year so that we do feel that we are growing a lot every single year. Okay, let's end it on. What are you most proud of yourself for this last year?

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I am most proud of myself for coming back from the stroke and coming back from the torn bicep and shoulder.

Wow.

And in the midst of a challenging business here and getting my physical health on track. I am obsessed with going to the gym. I'm obsessed with working out with my personal trainer and physical therapist, Matt Zannis. I am obsessed with starting my day off right, like, having that, that physical dopamine hit. I love how my body's come together. I love all the strength that's come back. That's the number one thing that has gone well in this past 12 months is I really recommitted to being physically healthy. And it paid off. It worked, and it's awesome. And it's still just the tip of the iceberg.

Yeah. I love watching just your focus on your health. And I think it's been so cool that you took something that could have been so bad and could have been kind of like the downfall of a major part of your life in health, and you rebuilt better. Like, I hope that's so much hope for people listening that you really got kicked in the nuts twice back to back, and you took that and you were like, this is not going to get me down. I'm going to come back better. That's been so inspiring.

Yeah. I mean, thank you for that. Because it's a really pivotal age. Right. 47. I just turned 48 today. 47 is like the age where, like, ah, maybe I just skipped the surgery and the arm is 70 from here on out. Right.

Some people told you to do that.

Yep. Or it's the age where you're like, ah, maybe I just will be a tiny bit slower now. That's just aging. Right. Maybe I'll just take the foot off the gap. No, this is the pivotal age where you say, oh, a couple speed bumps, no problem. I'm going to actually double down or I'm actually going to recommit to being better than ever before. And with technology and with health advancements and with the information that's out there, it's actually never been easier. It's never been easier. I truly feel like I am in my prime, in my 30s, and truly feel like that's going to last for a long time because of access to all of the advanced everything that's out there. And that's another thing. If you're not in a community where people are Talking about what they're doing on the advanced side to feel better, think faster, do all those things. Guys, there is shit that will blow your mind that you're not hearing about because you're not in the right circle. And you have got to put yourself in those right circles to see what others are doing so that they are. Yeah, I'm solidly 30, even though I'm 48. You know what I mean? Like a biological age marker type of thing. So you've got to put yourself into the areas where that information is being shared.

First day, wish for yourself this year.

That Frello absolutely thrives. It's finally built. That's a nice gift. It's finally built after the longest road ever and the big pivot that we had and all that. So that as we launch now, it just takes off and absolutely thrives. Bigger and better and faster than expected.

During this next year, my wish is.

For you just clarity around everything that.

You want and momentum, like feeling like you can really. Your skill sets are perfectly aligned with what you're doing and ease some. Ease on some things that just all of a sudden we have a bit of a downhill that just makes you feel like everything you've done in the last couple years is becoming so clear as to why it happened. And things are feeling easy and they're thriving. Bank accounts are absolutely thriving. Bodies thriving. Friendships are thriving. And you feel so content and peaceful this year.

I love that. Thanks, fat babe. Yeah.

I love you so much.

Love you.

All right, you guys, thank you so much for tuning in. As always, we would love to see you be a part of one of our masterminds. We have our mentor collective mastermind for 500k and below that is enrolling that.

You can go and check out.

And we also have one for 500k and above, which is our elite entrepreneur mastermind.

Yeah. And we have an insane Black Friday through Cyber Monday deal with some of those masterminds. So go ahead and jump into either one of our DMs and just send us the word deal. Send us the word deal and you're going to get 80% off of strategy. One on one strategy sessions with me to plan your new year. Get 50% off the mentor collective mastermind and a couple of other cool deals in there.

Same.

Yes. All right, guys, well, thanks for spending my birthday with me and we will.

See you next week. Bye, everyone.