Danielle Robay, TV & Podcast Host, On How to Breakthrough The Barrier Of Uncertainty When Working Towards Your Dream

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What'S meant for you won't miss you, and what misses you was not meant for you. And until you have a tangible example of that in your own life, I think that that saying is just that. It's a saying. But then when you feel it really deeply, it makes everything, I think, a lot easier to handle moving forward.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the if you don't know, I want to send you a daily text message. Either a manifesting affirmation, a journal prompt, or a question to really get to maybe the core of what you want in life or what's missing in your life. And I am sending these daily right now out to my text list.

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One good question away from my answer. So that is what I want to send you. And today on the podcast I have Danielle Robay. She is a TV host and journalist currently of ease while you were streaming. She's the creator of the video podcast Pretty Smart and the best selling Card game question everything, which is a 52 deck card deck for deeper conversations, noted by Forbes as a game changer. You guys, this is in my living room right now. And every single person that has come and stayed at the lake house, which.

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Danielle, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you so much for coming on, Laurie.

I'm so excited to be here. A mutual friend introduced us who I love, and you are a boss. And so I'm so excited to get to know you.

Oh, my God. Well, I can say the same exact thing about you. And it was so much fun just going down the rabbit hole of, like, researching and learning so many things you. Which I was like, you know, when you, like, are researching that person or you find that person and you're like, man, I'm pretty sure we would probably have a lot to talk about or we'd be friends. I was like, there are so many similarities that excited me because I was like, this is going to be so easy and fun. So I'm so excited to chat with you. You do such incredible things in the world that I'm like, oh, my gosh, I cannot wait to dive into the way that your brain thinks when you're approaching these things that probably require a lot of confidence, maybe people think to the outside world. So thank you so much for coming on the show. I'm really excited to dig in. You also have an awesome podcast. When did your podcast start? Tell me about your podcast.

I launched February of 2021. It's called Pretty Smart, and the tagline is a love letter to women with something to say. And so I was an entertainment journalist for years when I first moved to LA and I was doing all these red carpets and interviewing all of these really, quote unquote, pretty women. And I was thinking about all the pretty women in my life, and they were pretty bold, pretty witty, pretty strong, pretty smart, and thought, I want to interview people who put a new spin on pretty. And so Some of them are these celebrities that I think aren't given an opportunity to speak on other topics sometimes. But some of them are therapists, attorneys, specialists on loneliness. We really deep dive into topics that hopefully can propel people's lives forward and make an impact.

Oh, my God, I love this. So can just share a little bit for people how your career has sort of evolved and what you're doing now.

So, grew up in Chicago. I'm a Midwest girl, went to school in Wisconsin, and I did local news there. So Madison is a small town, as you know. And I, as soon as I did local news, I thought, this is it. Like, I love telling stories. I was a political science major. It felt like a perfect sort of marriage of things that I liked. And I thought, the Internet is going to happen. I told my parents I was moving to LA and going to work on the Internet. And my dad was like, britney Spears fans are on the Internet. What do you mean you're going to work on the Internet? Like, what are you talking about? And he was like, it's your life, it's your money. Go for it and you can always come back. So I moved. I think I had like $8,000 in my bank account. My grandma's friend let me live in her garage and so moved into the garage for free. And I was so grateful to be there. And I started doing red carpets. And so I would, like, call people online and say, I found your number on Facebook. I'm a host. And I would do red carpets for free just to get tape. And what I do, it's sort of like your resume is your tape. And I would send it out and no one would reply to me. And so I started sending people cookies or bamboo plants and writing little notes that said, you know, if anybody drops out last minute or you need a host, I would love an opportunity. And then put my email and they would reply and be like, you know, we don't have anything, Danielle, but thanks for the cookies. And I felt like a little uncomfortable. But also, I then had their email and we had a correspondence. So every few weeks or every few months, I would send a new link and, you know, and one day one of those outlets called me and said, our host is sick. Can you be in Beverly Hills at 5pm it was like 3 o'. Clock. And I said, yeah. So I hustled over there. It was for an X Factor red carpet with Simon Cowell. And he gave me an exclusive that night. And he changed my life because they hired me. And it was my first Full time job. I worked at a place called CleverTV, which was like a YouTube conglomerate kind of, and learned the Internet like it was such a great incubator almost for like how to title things, what SEO was, how to produce, how to write. It was boot camp for sure. And eventually went on to Entertainment Tonight online. I did a morning show in Chicago that was like a GMA for Chicago and then came back here. And I'm skipping over a few things because I don't want to bore everybody, but now I do a show on E and have the podcast and then started the question everything card deck.

Oh my God, I love this so much. Because you shared your willingness to just put yourself out there and then also to get totally scrappy and just say yes to whatever. Honestly, I feel like for you, with just what you explained, like any opportunity that would have come, you would have said yes to, to get yourself out there. And I can. Out of all of the people that I've interviewed, I can tell you that they all have a story like that where it was just like, man, I mean, I did what other people were not willing to do and sent cookies and bamboo plants and, you know, heard no, got offered this one thing that a lot of it might have been easy to be like, I have, you know, work tonight or I have this.

Other thing to do.

Or it's like you clear everything to jump at that opportunity and make yourself available. Because just like you said, you never ever know what is going to come out of that. And I just think it's so crazy.

Yeah, sometimes it's nothing that comes out of it, you know, Like, I still kind of do those things, but sometimes something really magical happens. And I think I hear a lot of motivational speakers talk about your why. It's a very popular thing. And I believe in it because like, the what and the how feels confusing when you don't know how to go after something or what to do to pursue what you're wanting. But if you want it bad enough, you figure that out.

It's not like you had this like super grand plan. You literally, right in front of you were like, okay, I'm going to connect with these people because they're people and just like get in front of them. And it really is, it kind of goes along with what you created in your card deck. It is like so about relationships at the end of the day and getting in front of people and just trying everybody. I love that so much. Okay, so I want to know, is there a time between the ages? Can you tell Me, a story about a time between the ages of maybe 8. Let's pick 8 and 14. That you can, like, vividly recall right now that developed the person that you are today.

Yes, actually, I. In eighth grade, so I was. I think I was 12 or 13. I ran for class president, and I lost, and I real, like, I was okay. It was fine. I went back to school the next day, and everything was the same, and my friends were the same, and life moved on. And actually, the person that won ended up, like, dropping out because he, like, wasn't capable of doing all the things or whatever. And I realized in that moment that you always have to put yourself out there, and that, like, failure actually doesn't sting as bad as it stings in your mind. And so actually, an entrepreneur I interviewed said, in entrepreneurship, there's no failure. It's just a pivot because it. It pushes you into the next thing. And I think I didn't have the words for it at the time, but I learned that aspect that it just propels you to the next thing. Like, I learned how to do graphic design because I had to make flyers, you know, which ended up helping me later in life. So you never know where things lead you.

Okay, so first of all, when he dropped out, did that, like, crown you as president?

That's a great question. No. So this is actually sort of embarrassing, but when I was the second runner up, so I was supposed to be vice president, and when I became vice president, I was like, I don't want that job. I want it to be president or nothing. So I was like, no, I'm out. I love it. The person that was VP became president. But, yeah, I think it was, like, a great lesson in failure.

Yeah. I was just going to say, look, you got the lesson out of it and you moved on. You're like, I'm good.

Yes. And it totally means that I can keep going. Exactly. And it's like public embarrassment. Right. Like in eighth grade, when all of your friends are. Everybody knows it's very public, but it speaks to the man in the arena poem that Brene Brown quotes Roosevelt all the time, which is like, you just gotta get into the arena.

Mm. Oh, man. Can you tell me about a more recent time when you've been rejected, that maybe it stung a bit, but you collected the lesson. And what was that lesson that you got?

The first thing that came to my mind when you said that was in 2019. I was dumped. My boyfriend, who I was living with, I'd been with him for, like, two and a half years broke up with me and I was so devastated, like almost not functional. Like I was so depressed, sad, and I didn't know how to climb out of the hole really. I think having gone through therapy, it triggered like deeper wounds in me for sure than I realized. But having come out of it, what I realized is what's meant for you won't miss you, and what misses you was not meant for you. And until you have a tangible example of that in your own life, I think that that saying is just that it's a saying. But then when you feel it really deeply, it makes everything, I think, a lot easier to handle moving forward. Because I've always been an ambitious person and so forcing things feels natural to me and, and to take a step back and realize that what will be, will be is actually pretty important.

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So you had mentioned something just in this. In this last story, you had talked about how it kind of, like, revealed even deeper wounds or triggers to you. So what did you do in that moment when you were like, oh, my God. I actually think this is, like, bringing up some underlying issues about how I feel about myself or about worthiness or, like, the stories that I've developed and how I think about myself in my life. Can you share some of those, or do you mind sharing? Like, when you realize there's, like, deeper things going on? How did you decide to, like, look at it and then help yourself to cope with them?

Therapy was really a huge aspect of that. I didn't know what else to do. I was so depressed that it was like, I have to talk about this or figure this out because I'm never gonna move forward, and I don't wanna feel like this. And I also don't. I didn't wanna repeat some of the things of, like, in that relationship, in my next relationship. So, for instance, like, I think I found this person's charisma really dynamic or engaging. And I learned through therapy, like, what kind of wound was I harboring that I was attracted to this sort of insecure charisma instead of, like, a quiet confidence? And so I think it was. It was out of necessity, quite honestly. And I've. I've always been into, like, I'm. I think it's like some people stumble upon it. I've always felt like there's a lesson in everything, and I wanted to find it.

Oh, my gosh. Okay, so this just brought up for me right away. It sounds like your belief system goes along with my belief system, which has really helped me out a lot, where even when really bad stuff happens pretty quickly, I can be like, okay, where's the lesson? Where's the lesson? Yeah, but, like, once in a while, that is challenging because you cannot see the lesson. Are you in something in your life right now where you are like, okay, why isn't this coming to me yet? Is there something that you want that's not coming to you number one yet? And are you able to kind of, like, figure out why it's not here for you yet?

I've been thinking about that a lot because I just started doing this show at E about eight weeks ago. And when I moved to la, all I wanted to do was be on E. Like, I wanted to be the millennial Barbara Walters. But on E, I wanted to ask, like, deep, meaningful, Questions, but somehow be on E. And I had had meetings there multiple times. Like, they had asked me to come in and then nothing would ever happen. And then there was like before, a year before the Pandemic, they were launching a new show and I got kind of to the final rounds and they flew me to New York and I auditioned and I thought, like, this is it. And I didn't get it. And I remember I was dating this guy and I called him crying and was like, what am I gonna do? Like, this was it. This isn't for me, clearly. And I had sort of given up on it, actually, which is part of why I launched the podcast. Pretty smart. Because, like, I really believe in being a self generator and I wanted to create a place of meaning if someone wasn't going to hire me and practice my skill set along the way. And so when this came about, I was like two weeks away from quitting because I just felt so frustrated with, like, the uncertainty of my industry and the financial instability. And I'm 31. I saw a lot of my friends kind of settling down and I'm going to a lot of weddings and I'm like, they're like, really building sort of this life. And I, like, live in this one bedroom apartment and I'm putting all of my money into like R and D for this card deck. And like, what am I doing? And then this producer at E emailed me and said, we're launching this show. Can you send me some links? And I sent them. Like, usually I'm so thorough and really on it. And instead this email was kind of just like, here's some links. Have a great day. Thanks for thinking of me. And they called me and said, come in. So in some ways that it was like I had let go of needing the validation and then it, like, found me anyways, which was pretty wild. I don't know if it will always happen that way. Yeah, I know.

It goes back to, like, what's for you can't miss you, you know?

Yes. So, yeah, I think that it was like a recent full circle moment. I don't know if it'll always happen that way. Sometimes things do miss you on purpose.

Yeah.

But that was pretty beautiful.

Oh, my God. I love this story so much because it reminds me of the times when I was like, getting, let's just say how it feels in the moment, like getting ignored and rejected, like, over and over and over, and you're like, what the? Like, you felt that I'm doing all the right thing. Oh, that has Happened multiple times in my career. But what I like, what I love so much about your story is exactly what I have this theory. Like, it's what you had just said. Like, if there's something that you really want and you're depending on, like, a person or a network or, like, something to anoint you into that position, that you need to figure out somehow a way to create that feeling that you're desiring or that thing for yourself without them. Like, cut out the middleman and go straight for the thing that you want. Like, to create the feeling in the community. And as soon as you do that and you really, like, understand that you created it for yourself, I swear to you, that's when they come knocking. And it's, like, about create. Because now you've become attractive. You're now somebody who has more value to offer. You're now someone who's like, well, she's doing the damn thing anyway. And you probably got all of this practice on your podcast and all these other things that you're just radiating different. Like, your energy is different, and you're putting out a different, like, message into the universe, that's not like, I need you. I need you. I need you.

It's, like, so interesting.

I'm doing it anyway. So I started hearing it reflected back.

Well, it's interesting for me to hear that you felt that way, because before we got on the pod, obviously, I was like, you know, looking over your podcast and your work, and you honestly give off this. This woman has figured it out. And so it's really, I think, just, like, helpful to hear that there were some bumps along the way. I always love hearing those stories.

Oh, girl, I'm still getting rejected. I pivoted into something new, and I'm in a whole new pool of rejection. So, so much fun. But it's great. Like, we know that, right? It sounds like we really think. Like, sometimes I'm in it, and I can extract that lesson right away. And I'm like, okay, great. Just making me so much better. And it wasn't for me, or maybe it is, but I need to let go of something. And it just makes you think. It just really makes you think, which is why you probably love questions. And I love questions, too. Okay, so I want to know, what are three beliefs that you have had to let go of that were instilled in you in your childhood? Whether they were meant to be instilled or not, Whether it was somebody like a teacher who said something that all of a sudden a belief popped up your head that you carried with you. What were three beliefs that you have had to let go of from your childhood in order to be the woman that you are today?

One is that you can't have, like, a really successful marriage and children and also be a powerhouse at work. That it's like, you're gonna have to choose. I do think that you can have those with the proper sort of, like, setup and support. So I had to work through that one. The other one is that your feelings don't matter constantly. In my house, it was like, your feelings don't matter. Like, look at the facts type of a thing. And in some ways, I'm grateful for that. I think it made me a pragmatic thinker. But I pushed my feelings down a lot. And I think in romantic relationships, it was unhelpful because I didn't feel comfortable asserting my feelings because they felt like I shouldn't have them. So that was a lot of therapy. And now I'm a big feelings person, and I've leaned into it. I actually think it's part of my superpower at work.

It seems to me in your life that you, like, really go for it, even though you might be afraid, you go for it. Have you always had the confidence like that, or was that something you had to develop?

I got really lucky. My mom forever has said to me, you can sit on the park bench and watch people live their life and walk past you, or you can get up and live. And from, like, a very young age, she was always pushing me to get up and live and to, like, live outside of my box. And it's one thing I haven't had to work towards, to be honest. Like, I really. I kind of just go for it.

I love that you shared that, though, because it showed, like, even for people who have children, because I can say I had the opposite. Being raised by my mom, who was. And my dad. But my mom was mostly the one who was at home with me. And I love her lover, but she would say this too. Like, it was always like, aren't you afraid? Or, you can stay here. And because she had anxiety and had a lot of nerves and had a lot of fear. So I think that it was like a partner with her in that. And I will tell you that it is something I still, to this day, like, have to work through. Like, I still hear that voice or still get really anxious. I do it anyway.

But really impressive that you do it anyway.

It took a while, but. But, like, thinking about how I want to raise a child or like, when. If people have children, like, to think about, like, no, go get out there. Like, go try that. I don't care if you're afraid. Like, of course we want to do it loving. But maybe sometimes I won't. Maybe I'll be like, you have to go anyway, because sometimes you need that push. Like, and honestly, like, my. My husband, when I met him, was kind of that push. He would just, like, didn't understand the fear thing necessarily. So he would always be like, just go, like, what are you? And it makes you feel like, number one, it makes you mad because they don't understand. But number two, it's like, oh, people feel differently than me. Like, some people just go for it. So I'm glad that you shared so well.

I think sometimes I ask myself, what's the worst thing that happens if I go for this? If I'm in my head? And it's like, maybe the answer is I embarrass myself. Maybe the answer is people will look at me differently. But to be honest, it's never that bad, you know? And so thinking about that, you're like, all right, you know what?

One of my friends says she actually has a podcast, too. Her name is Angie Lee. But she says, oh, I know Angie.

Her brother's one of my best friends.

Oh, that's awesome. So funny. See, we'd find that tie right away. She says, you're already in your worst case scenario. Like, when you really think about it, not going for it, you're already living in the worst case scenario. And I was like, you're right.

That's a great point.

So I always think of that, like, when I'm like, oh, God, what if it fails? What if I suck? What if these people say this? What if I lose this money? I'm like, I'm already living in the worst case scenario. Because what I really want is to be living this version of me, and I'm not. So it's kind of like the man in the arena again. It's like, well, we're going for it. Like, we did it.

So I like that. Yeah, I'm going to adopt that.

I know when she said it, I was like, oh, that's mine.

Now she's full of those quotes. She has a great podcast.

I know. I love her. She's great.

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So what is a belief you have right now that you like? Know that with this belief, as long as you strengthen it, whether it's you know, your faith or it's maybe like a line that you always refer back to or it's a knowing that will always keep you safe and let it be okay no matter what you do or what you fail at. Do you have a belief around around that?

I do. I guess it's a two part answer for me. One is that my job is actually like a big part of my personality. I think, like it gives me a lot of purpose. I find a lot of identity in it and I've worked through that. I actually don't think it's a bad thing. Like I don't mind that. But I do know that if everything stopped, I still like the person I am. And so that gives me sort of peace because I feel like without all of that I still have my same friends, I still have my family, I still have of self love. But separately I think the other aspect of that is I always think of the Shirley Chisholm quote service is the rent you pay for a room on this earth. And the people that I admire most live via service. And I think like on podcasts or in motivational speeches, like it's a very sort of just kind of like shiny thing to say. Like it's really about like how can you serve? How can you serve? And it's like sometimes I don't believe people, but the people that truly live it, they freaking radiate. And it's not just something they say for clout, it's something they live. And I've noticed that when I'm exhausted or I'm upset if I can be of service, it's actually very self serving because it puts me in a better mood. And often the advice I'm giving people, like I have young TV hosts call me all the time or message me on LinkedIn and even if I don't have time, I always take those calls because I find that the advice I give them is the advice I actually need to hear. So yeah, I think service is a really big part of knowing that everything will be okay.

Man, I love that that's one of my things. Just That I say to myself when I'm like feeling, you know, that feeling where you're just like, you're stuck. Maybe something. Just trying to think of. Recently Chris and I actually had one this last week where we had something just. Just somebody who decided to be upset about something in customer service related. And it just like, never. It's the worst.

Oh, my God.

I didn't understand it till I experienced it. And you can't make it better. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, the things where even if you try to make it better, you're actually making it worse because it's just that person or whatever it is, like, and you just don't know the next right move. But the only next right move is like, to figure out how to get yourself out of this energy that's like attracting more shit because you're just focusing on like, the bad. And then you think about all the bad things in your life. You recall everything from 8 years old and up because you're. Do you know what spiral I'm talking about right now?

Oh, yeah.

I call it a shame spiral. It's a quick wheel. Yeah.

So we just brought in everything, you know, we're like, let's invite everything bad so we can keep feeling bad. But we had said, we're like, okay, like, what's the fastest way out of this? And we're like, the fastest way is to make someone else feel better. I'm like, let's both text three people and check in on them and, like, see how we serve them. It immediately made me feel better to get out of my own head. And trust me, it was selfish at first, but then I was like, holy. This is like, the fastest way to make yourself feel better is to make someone else feel better about themselves or their day, 100%. And it's just, you can be in the worst place. And it's not that it like immediately healed the whole thing, but it gave me enough space to get out of the shame spiral and be like, okay, let's put it into perspective. Like, let's actually, like, take a beat and see what this really is. Because it can feel so big and then you realize it's not. So.

Yeah, that's so well said. I. Thanks for reminding me of that because I've never really been, I guess, intentional about it in that way. Like, let me text three people. I really. I think that's such a good tool.

I mean, I feel like somebody told me to do that because I don't know if I would have come up with that on my own.

So smart. No, you're so good.

But it works. It works wherever I heard it. Okay, so you had mentioned that feelings are your superpower at work. Like, tell. I need to know about this. Like, tell me about times where you're like, oh, this is like, you can actually feel kind of like your magic, like, happening.

I had, like, a pretty great upbringing. It was like I had a really loving, stable family. I lived in the same house, you know, my whole life. My parents still live in that house. There was a lot of love and comfort and stability. And then when I moved to la, I think I felt strong because of that. I was powered up. And later, I want to say, around like 25, I had a lot of hard things happen, both mostly personally, some professionally, some hard family things. And it expanded my sensitivity like crazy. I felt like someone had turned a faucet onto my tears and I could not turn it off. And it was because all of a sudden I had this well to pull from. So when someone is in pain, I knew what that felt like so deeply. And it was really difficult at first. I still have it. I can cry pretty quickly if I feel somebody. But, like, in interviews, I look back at my footage and I realized I missed some things that people were saying to me because I didn't have the capacity to feel what they were feeling. And now I hope. I mean, I think everyone misses some things, but I think when I watch my footage back, I'm able to, like, really be with someone in a present way and understand them differently than I ever have, which, for what I do is so important because the follow up question really matters. And so, yeah, that's actually how I'll like, expand. But that's how the card deck was born, number one.

Like, that is. That is so amazing to be able to as a podcaster, and I've been doing it five years now. I've learned in the beginning, so I'm so curious for you as well. In the beginning, it's like I had these questions that I knew. Like, okay, if I ask these, these are good questions. But all of a sudden there comes this point where you realize your next question does not fit. Like, it might be a great question, but you're actually gonna, like, disrupt the flow of energy and you're gonna break. Like, what. What you're connecting to and what you're getting to. So those, like, emotional cues and that for. Tell me about. Do you remember at all, like, the first times that you went off course and were like, I'm just gonna, like, risk it.

Yeah.

For the biscuit.

I love that. I've never heard that. Yeah. I did an interview with this woman, Sharia Irving, who was. It was supposed to be about mentorship. She started shaping her earth, which is a fabulous foundation for young women of color to find mentorship. And I love mentorship. And so I had this whole interview prep and we got on and she had this, like, this woman has spirit. Oh, my God. Even via zoom, I could feel her. Like, she just radiates. And we ended up talking about faith. And I was like, do I. Like, this is such a beautiful conversation. What do I. I shifted the whole thing. I just went with it. And I actually called a friend who's. He's the executive producer of CBS Evening News now. He used to do the morning show. And I was like, adam, did I do the right thing? Like, I don't know if I should. I have stayed on course, Like. And he was like, no, always go with it. Unless, obviously, news is a little different because you're supposed to get certain sound bites, but in podcasting, just go with it. So, yeah, I totally remember. And it actually really freed me because I was a person that always liked to stick to a script script. So it changed the way I interview.

So tell me about your question deck. Like, where did it come from? I'm so curious because for me, questions are truly, like, they're it. I'm obsessed with them.

You ask such good questions. I've done a lot of podcasts. You are so, so insightful.

Oh, that makes me so happy. Well, from someone who loves questions too, that's like, I love love. Yeah. So tell me about your deck.

So I got a job. I thought it was my dream job at an entertainment outlet, and I was the youngest person they ever hired. And I thought, like, this is why I moved to la. This is why I, like, didn't go to all my friends birthday parties and trips and, like, missed out on everything. And I got there and I hated the job. I broke out into hives. I would cry in the bathroom at lunch. I was working like 16 hour days and just miserable. And I was getting gas on my way to work one day and I called my mom and she was like, like, you do not sound like yourself. Like, just quit. And I was like, I have no money. How am I going to quit? Also, like, this is a great company. If I quit, I look like a loser. Like, I gave up. Like, what's my next move? And she was like, I don't know. But I Know that you'll figure it out. So just. Life is too short to be this miserable. And I've never liked being a quitter, so it was hard for me, but I was so miserable, so I just did it. And I was living off my credit cards and financial instability is so anxiety ridden. So I was just like, didn't know where my next rent check was coming from. And I had all this time on my hands and so I was like, I want to try and use this time to take myself to grad school. So I started watching all the people I think do it best, like Robin Roberts and Bob Costas and Katie Couric and Larry King. And I started having breakfast with Larry King like every two weeks on Sundays.

That's magical.

It was incredible. He.

I actually, we gotta circle back to that in a minute. I'm like, how did you make that happen?

He signed my microphone. Yeah, I like, it's like an old mic that I bought it on ebay that he used to use and he signed it, which is really special.

I love that. He's a legend.

He's a legend. And he was the most innately curious person I'd ever met. And so part of my like grad school thing was I kept a Google Doc of about 800 questions that I had that I'd ask celebrities and entrepreneurs and authors and I would have to pull them up quickly. So I always, like, kept a doc so that I could be prepared. And I looked at that doc one day, I was adding some things and I was like, you know, I asked people questions for a living and I've never asked myself one question. And this was pre therapy and I was like, that's pretty weird, huh? Like, I don't know the answers to any of these questions. If you ask me, I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what I think.

I just want to hear what you think. Right.

So about five a day, I decided I was going to ask myself from that Google Doc. And by the end of the list, it took months and months. By the end of that list, I realized what a superpower questions are. Because not only was I more confident because I had like ideas about myself and reflections, but I was more practiced at asking questions. And so I would be on the phone with my parents or a friend or be out at dinner and people felt seen. It was like a vibration. I felt like they were magnetic to me because they were like, oh, she really cares to give somebody that gift. It's the gift that therapists give Us really is, like, complete presence and interest in who you are. And I realized that this is a superpower that everybody can tap into, but we just don't know how necessarily or don't know what to ask or how to enter a conversation. And so I put this deck together because I think to gamify it is really helpful. It takes all the awkwardness out of it. And at this point, I've tested it out with a bunch of different people, and it's fun to use it in different groups because, like, I did it with my dad, and I learned. I'm really close with him. I learned stories I'd never known before. I actually really want to do it and, like, record him, you know, that'd be awesome. But it's fun. Like, at dinner parties, the same thing. Like, you. You kind of, like, set a purpose for your group meeting instead of just, like, going in and talking about the weather.

Well, I. I literally have to get your deck because I've burned through. We do. We literally use them at every holiday. Like, we pull them out Thanksgiving, Christmas, all the things. It started with questions in a bowl years ago. And I'm telling you, it's the. It's the best. And you need to keep making decks because I'm cycling through them. So we're gonna use your deck. We'll.

We'll.

We'll take you in our next big, like, family thing. But we just. We actually just used them last week, like, a. A different deck. But I can't wait for this one because we burned through that other deck.

Yeah, no, I know. I. I think it'. I want to do expansion packs. Like, I have 52 questions to fall in love. Like, 52 questions to ask before marriage. I think it's. They're important, and we don't know what to ask sometimes. And that's my job, is to ask questions, so why not?

Oh, my God. I love that. I don't know if you know this, but my new beverage company that's coming out, we started it two years ago, but we're finally coming out. But there's three questions on the back of every. Can that help you, like, figure out your next step and expand opportunities for women?

So it's like, that's so cool.

Well, I'm like, we'll have to do, like, a cocktail slash question card dinner with your stuff there. That would be so fun. Yeah, that would be super fun. So I love that you're doing this for people. It is a gift, like, to be asked questions to, like, be inquired about to feel like so seen. To feel like your thoughts and opinions matter. Like, that's the gift that you're giving to people. I love it it so much and I hope that you come out with all of the decks. Where can we find it?

It's on Instagram. Danielle Robay. It's the link in my bio. But I think to your point, because I feel like there's a lot of people that listen to your podcast that are go getters and entrepreneurs and they probably know this better than me even. But I, I learned that sales is not about selling, it's about helping. And to do that you have to ask questions. And so the tagline is like, for my game is that the most interesting thing is to be interested because you can go to a networking event and think, okay, how do I impress somebody? How do I, like, what story can I tell or what tidbit can I share? And it's actually easy. Like you do not have to put all that pressure on yourself. Just ask someone a few good questions and they will remember you way more so than like a story that you share. Scared.

Oh my God, it's so good and it's so, so true. And that just relieves like all of, like you said, all of the pressure. I think that's probably where a lot of social anxiety comes from. Yeah, I'm like, how can we make this like not weird standing in a cocktail party, you know? Yeah, like just pull them out of your. Pull them out of your purse. Okay, so one more time, where can we go? We can go right to your.

Yeah, to my Instagram R O B A Y link in my bio and yeah, everything's there. There.

Well, I am so grateful that you came on the show. Is there anything else that you want to share with people that's like on your heart that you didn't get to say before we go?

No, just really thank you. I think like you have given. Gloria Steinem has this quote that I love and she said that revolutions happen with women telling stories in basements and somebody saying, oh yeah, me too. Same that happened to me and you. I've listened to your podcast a bunch and you constantly share honest stories and you have people on that share honest stories. And so to connect us all in that way, I think is such a gift. So thank you. Wow.

Well, thank you. I did not know you ever listened to the podcast. So that's always so, so fun to hear and this was just like such a soul filling connection hour for me. So thank you again for coming on and you guys the biggest gift that we can give our guest number. You guys know I'm all about supporting women and supporting with your dollars. So definitely, if you are curious about the deck, go and purchase the deck because it's only going to add to your life. It's only going to give you so many tools for social situations and business. Because truly I believe it too, Danielle. Like, questions are a superpower and they are the key to receiving and understanding how to achieve everything that you want in life, whether it's relationships or business or that next level in your career. It truly comes back to questions. So this is just going to be a massive tool for you guys to go and learn how to arm yourself with better questions to get better answers. So definitely go get our deck. Please tag us if you go get it. Tell us, you know what your biggest takeaway was from this podcast. And Danielle, what is your Instagram tag? What is your handle?

Danielle Robay. So D A N I E L L E R O B A Y.

All right, you guys definitely go give her a shout out. Let her know what your biggest takeaway was. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.