Dave Ramsey, Dr. Axe & Our Other Mentors Share This One Piece Of Advice!

You need to constantly be changing up, leveling and evolving the people around you, even if it's the people closest to you, if they're not contributing towards your dreams.

And we're back with another episode of He Said, she Said.

So you and I have been listening. Well, it's not new. We always do this. We listen to positive propaganda in the morning, somebody's podcast or somebody's audio recordings or a book out loud or whatever it might be while we're having our coffee. And fills us up, right? It fills us up. It changes what might hit our mind by default that day. It honestly, I wake up pretty happy, but I can really be off some days. You don't wake up as happy by default as I do. And no matter what kind of mood we both wake up in, just turning these things on out loud changes the game and controls how we see the rest of our morning.

It's life changing for me because it's not that I don't wake up happy. It's that my brain, I'm still trying to train it out of looking for things to be anxious about, and that's just been a default for me my whole life. So I'm switching my default. And that works through me. Listening. Listening really helps. So does reading, but listening to something super positive.

Yeah. So this morning we were listening to Gabby Bernstein, right? All about manifesting and all that stuff. And she's a great one to turn to. You two have had a great relationship over all the years, and she's always been just a big positive light and supporter and all that stuff and everything that we've done. So we're listening to her out loud this morning, and she does these Q&As at her events. And somebody had asked a question. It was something along the lines of, hey, I'm doing my best to think the right things and to do the right things, and I'm doing my best to stay in the right manifesting mood, if you will. But nobody else around me is contributing and everybody else around me is chipping away at it. And no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get ahead with these people around me. Now. This is like nothing new. First of all, I think this describes a lot of people out there. And what we're going to talk about today isn't catastrophically or that's not the word, but isn't like earth shakingly new. But damn it, I feel like we got to remind everybody and that is this. You need to constantly be changing up, leveling and Evolving the people around you, even if it's the people closest to you, if they're not contributing towards your dreams.

Now, there's also some feedback that I get whenever we say this around. You know, I'll put a post out about getting in the rooms or making these new friends or saying that I found these mentors or whatever that looks like. And they say, I'm a busy person. I don't have the time. Where do these people find the time? I actually just got that comment.

Yep, it's a great question. It's fair.

It is a great question. Totally. I love it. It's valid. I felt this way as well. I don't have the time. I'm not extroverted. That doesn't even sound good to me. Like, all of these different things. And I think the first place that I want to start is this takes time. Building relationships took me about going from a place where I didn't like, meaning I didn't have the relationships that I wanted, to waking up and going, I'm starting to get the relationships that I want. It took one to two years. And so there's groundwork that has to be laid and there is rooms that you have to get in in order to do that. And I also want to go back to talking about all of the different people who swear by this. And I was just on a podcast yesterday with Dr. Josh Axe, who arguably is one of the most famous, well known people in wellness ever, and we were talking about this question of changing. He has a book coming out talking all about how to change your mindset and how he created a company that was making $100 million a year because he didn't think he was, and he didn't have the network or the circle when he was younger. And so I was like, yeah, but people are gonna argue, how do I do this when I don't have supportive friends or family? Cause he did not. And he said, well, just like I had answered in my podcast with him before, you have to change your friends. And you're not gonna like that answer because it's not easy. Everyone's like, yeah, but my family's like this, or my friends are like this. Yeah. Then you have to work on also adding this group to your life and almost crowding out the people that you have speaking. Spending less time. Yes. Spending less time with those friends and family that do not bring you up and more time with the people who do. And that is the answer.

And if you're hearing this right now saying, well, that sounds cold or that sounds harsh. Then now you know why you're stuck. Now you know why you're stuck. I'm going to be very, very, very crystal clear. You have two choices. You can invite the people you care about along and be the example for them and know that some of them will then come along with you because you invited them along and you were the example. Or you can go where you're meant to go and know that some of them aren't going to come along, and that's their choice, not yours. Let me repeat that. That's their choice, not yours. I don't know anyone. Laurie, I want you trying to think of all the people that are our peers and all the people that we look up to still, I don't know one of them who just keeps the same circle all the time. I don't know one of them who I don't see constantly meeting new people and developing new friendships, developing new partnerships, developing a new circle. Not one of them.

Because new goals mean new network. Or new goals also mean maybe going back to your network that you have now and asking, do they know people who have done what you want to do? And I think it's important for us right now to highlight Chris, like when you said you can invite along your family and friends. Majority of them will not go. In fact, I had zero come with me, including you, when I first wanted to go. So that was a really hard point for me to go. Wow, okay. Well, I think I was waiting for these people to say, yes, let's do it. And I was waiting for a partner to go with me. No, you will be going alone first. Majority of you will. Will not get a partner. You will not get a friend. Your spouse won't go. Your best friend won't go. Your family won't go. So you have to go first. And almost kind of like, prove the model.

Yeah, Prove that it works.

You have to prove out that it works. And that's when you started to come along with me. Because the first year, you were like, hell, no, I'm not doing that hokey, personal development, spiritual stuff. That's not gonna work for me. Like, this is how it's always worked for me. I'm gonna push. I'm gonna do the thing I've always known. And then that kind of stopped working for you.

Yep.

And me start to be a magnet for different things or start to change who I was and how I approached things. And you, you were like, maybe this works.

Now, using that example is be crystal clear. Had Laurie not gone Anyways, and been the example, then I would have never decided to get on that rocket ship as well. Let me repeat that. Had Laurie not gone first and been the example, then I would have never seen the example to go get on that rocket ship. That's why you have to go where you're meant to go and know that some are going to come along one day and some may never come along. But it doesn't mean you don't go. It doesn't mean you don't uplevel your circle of influence. It doesn't mean you don't change your network. It doesn't mean you don't start to find new friends. It doesn't mean you don't. Right, like, guys, this is the end all be all. Either you stay stuck with the stuckersons that you live with and hang out with all the time, or you freaking go alone for a while and see who comes along and who doesn't.

I remember we had this conversation when we were first kind of creating a new network for ourselves when we were growing our network marketing business and we were getting really aware that hanging around certain couples was not good for us. I actually remember sitting at True Food with a couple that we had gone to dinner with, and they argued the whole time and picked on each other. And it was like this drive home where we both said, we're not ever doing that again because I don't want our relationship to look like that. And it's really easy to almost, like, be critical of your partner, just to bond, like, try to bond with the people who are, like, connecting in that way. And so we left that dinner and I was like, I feel terrible and I don't want to do that to you, and I don't want that to chip away at me. And that was the first moment that we said, it's not only important for our business who we hang around, but we need to look at the couples that we hang out with. If they're critical of their partners, if they're kind of nitpicky and picking on each other, that is not the couple that I want to be with. So this is important in every single realm. Like, do you hang out with other families who aren't that great of they're not good at their relationship with their kids, or they're not that great of a relationship of what they do together that will chip away at you and you will either fall or rise to the level in which these people live their lives.

It's interesting you brought that up when we started Filling the dinner series last week, as these couples are joining, they're DMing us saying, hey, we joined because we want to meet couples like you guys and we don't know where to find them. And I think I got that DM in, you know, one way or another from three different couples. And by the way, this is not even a couples event. The dinner series is not a couples event. But there was something there that these three independent couples who do not know each other right now, they will once they go to dinner series. There is something there where they're like, we're trying to find these couples that we know we want to be like, but we can't find them anywhere.

Something I want to point out to that if you're like, oh, well, I'm not a couple about the dinner series or I'm not going to go join that thing because there's a lot of couples or that event has a lot of couples. You guys, if you are a solo person and you are looking for a partner, it is vital for you to be around the couples that you want to model. It is so important. We actually just had somebody message us this morning and it said, thank you for showing me that this is what a partnership could look like because I will now put myself in a place where I believe I deserve it. So I'm not going to settle.

Yeah. Just to be clear, by the way, looked at the roster, dinner series is 70% individuals, 30% couples.

Love it.

So it's not a couples thing at all. But it was relevant to the topic that we were talking about. When you say, I don't know where to find these people, that's not really true. If you really open your eyes and say, okay, I'm willing to go where the up leveled networks are, then all of a sudden you start seeing them. It's that old red Toyota adage. You never really notice red Toyotas till you buy one or until you start looking for them. And now they're everywhere. You get what you look for.

Yeah, you get what you look for. And this was one of the hardest things for me to grasp, but it was also one of the most empowering things. Whenever you say, I don't know how or I can't do that, it's really replaced that instead with I won't, I won't do the work to figure it out. I won't do that thing because it's uncomfortable, because there is always a way. And that's a tough thing for me to grasp when sometimes I'm on a Walk with Chris. And I'm like, yeah, but I don't have that. No, it's. I'm not willing to go and get uncomfortable to do the thing that she did to get it.

It's interesting. You and I have gone on a lot of, you know, been in a lot of masterminds together, and we have gone on a lot of, like, paid, curated trips with other entrepreneurs together. Like, we've really invested in, hey, let's go find new individuals that we don't yet know or don't yet have a relationship with. And let's up level, you know, continue to up level our circle of influence. And it's worked every time. Right. But I'm thinking of two in particular. We paid 50,000 bucks to go on this trip, and that's where I met my business partner years ago. I wouldn't have my now dear friend Matt and business partner in my app had I not paid $50,000 to go on that trip. And then another time, I'm thinking of investors that have invested in Frello that we went on a European trip with. Again, a trip that we had to spend $50,000 to go on. Spent a couple weeks over in Europe, but got to know this couple there, and now they're investors in Frello. Like I'm telling you, the people that you are looking for, the answers to, the things you're struggling with, all of the assists, all of the I got your backs, all of the, oh, do it this way, not that way. All of that is in the rooms that are already being curated for you. And I don't care whose room it is. By the way, this is not like our room. Notice I just gave examples where I went to other people's rooms and got it.

Can you speak for one second, though, to the people who just heard you say $50,000 and said, yeah, but that's how you're getting these high level relationships is because you can spend $50,000 and I can't.

So it's always relevant to where you're at. Here's what I mean. When you're at a level where maybe the $5,000 room is intimidating, that means there's people there who are a little bit ahead of you because that level is intimidating to you. So then you go and you get used to those rooms, you start making some more money. And now the $15,000 room is the one that's intimidating to you. But the people who are spending 15 grand to get there are the ones who are running at your pace, and they're Doing what you do, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It's who you want to be. And so what happens, your income goes up because some of these connections, and now it's the $25,000 room or the $40,000 room that intimidates you. And you start to see a pattern. You're like, wait, when I invested in the $5,000 room, my income went up because I met some new people. And then when I invested in the $15,000 room, my income went up again because I met some new people. And then when I invested in the $25,000 room or the $50,000 room, now my net worth went up because people stopped talking about income, started talking about net worth. Like, it's just the natural evolution of whatever room intimidates you is the room that you're supposed to invest in, because that's where that next level of people are.

Dave Ramsey, this was also on the Dr. Josh Axe podcast. He interviewed Dave Ramsey on his, and he said that they had just done a study that truly now proves that your income is the average of the five people that you are around most. Wow. So think of that. And that will really make you think about, who am I spending the most time with. And now it is proven out that that is absolutely true. And I want to say, like, Chris, you and I actually started in rooms that were the landmark in upw. Tony Robbins unleashed the power within. And those were what?

Okay, so great example, great example. I think landmark was like $1,000 each.

So we started a lot for us. I couldn't believe that we were about.

To drop two grand on going, yep.

For that weekend, spent money on personal development. I was like, this is crazy.

This is asinine. I can't believe we're doing this.

This is so stupid. This better get me a result.

That $2,000 room, you know, together or individually, that thousand dollar room changed our lives. And then it made us go invest in Tony Robbins upw. And I think that's what, like, at the time, a $5,000 ticket or. Well, we bought the VIP, we bought the upgraded one, so. Oh, my God. Let's talk about that. Do you remember you could go to Tony Robbins UPW at the time for like a $799 ticket. I think we bought the $5,000 tickets because we wanted to be in the highest level around the highest level thinkers up front. We made business contacts, we made friends. We made all these things. We're like, wait a minute, all we had to do is buy this VIP ticket. But to us that was a $5,000 room. That was intimidating, but now it reaped all the benefits. Then we got into, I think the next room was, when you did Jack, a $25,000 room.

Oh my God. And I was so scared to tell you the price because I knew I was go go. Whether that meant selling our couch or all of our living, I don't know what I was going to sell anything I could to get there.

And then obviously that changed your life. And then I think after that it was when we started doing like Lewis's and that one that we spent 70 grand on, that will never say who it is. That was an atrocious experience. But we got value from that because it taught us what we would never do if we ever curated rooms.

Correct.

And that has been invaluable. That has paid massive dividends for years now. For years now. So whether it ends up being the room you expect or the room that you didn't expect, there are massive dividends to be paid there.

That might have been the best money we spent on it, to be honest.

Absolutely. So the point is, well, maybe the point is, dammit, invest your way into the circles that you're sitting around saying, I don't know where these people are. You know where they are. You're just not willing to do that uncomfortable thing of getting into the room. I'm just going to call it like it is.

And you know, you can do this in your daily life too, like starting small with even go join a workout class three days a week. People who do things in their life and are making progress are regular worker outers. They just are. So you already are going to go and find people who want to be better and want to make progress in their life in the rooms of these places that are going to make you better.

Let's give some examples and we'll have the Kazis are on the spot. But I want to shout out some other people's rooms at all levels. So for example, if you live in a Toronto area, Ali Aruda has a like a walk that she does, it's like $49 and she has an event that she does. It's like a couple hundred bucks. So like that can be your couple hundred dollar room where it's all really elevated individuals. And then let's say you want to be in that $500 room or that thousand dollar room.

We've got Lindsey Schwartz, powerhouse women. Those tickets are actually going. I think she's doing a quick sale right now.

That's a great example of like a $500 room that changes everybody's life every single time. And then, you know, let's give like, well, I guess Girlfriends of business.

Yep.

That's a thousand dollars room that people can get in.

High level networking room.

Yep. And that's obviously that's Lori's event. There's another one coming up in February.

Keisha's not doing our event anymore.

Nope. But that was an example of a $500 to $1,000 room that you could get in. You know, then there's $5,000 rooms that you can get in. Like our round table that we run is always around five, six thousand dollars. We don't have any of those planned right now, but that's, you know, we'll do a few of them this upcoming year. Dinner series. You know, that's that next step up from there. But not an intimidating step up from there that there's still few spots there. Go to chrisharder me forward slash dinner chrisharter me for dinner to check out what that investment is. But it's not much more than the roundtable.

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The point is there's rooms that people are putting on. Oh God. James Wedmore's rooms.

Yes.

He's got an event coming up, doesn't he?

Yep. December 1st.

I don't know what those tickets are. Grand or two probably. It's a great room to get in. The point is there's rooms at all levels. So you saying I can't afford it is not an excuse.

Brendan Richard's rooms.

Oh, growth day.

Growth day la. On the first of every single month.

A whole day of Brendan and Lori and everybody else. Those tickets I think are like 399 or 499 or something.

They're less than that. Sometimes.

Less than that. Yep. Anyhow, the point is to say you can't go is to say you can go but you're unwilling to. To make that uncomfortable commitment.

Yeah, it's your comfort. Will cost you your dreams all the time. You will sell it out to. I want you to really think of this right now. You're selling out your dreams to a Netflix show in the evenings. You're selling out your dreams to a comfort food meal. You're selling out your dreams to staying in your house and watching a show where you just end up feeling depressed every day anyway. You're selling out your dreams to a girls night where you leave and you don't really feel fulfilled because the conversation isn't that great. You're selling out to another family event that you think you have to attend and you end up getting so upset because you are living only for other people and you feel like they're using you because you're allowing them to walk all over you. You're selling yourself out to things that you are just comfortable with but you're not happy with.

Yeah. Isn't that the truth? All right, guys. Well, I think you get the point by now. We want to see you in all the different rooms, our rooms, our friends rooms, other people's rooms. In 2024, we want you to be omnipresent. In other words, we can't go to a place without seeing your face and getting to know you. And one more time, I'm going to give a plug to our dinner series. There's a few spots left and it's on Early Bird right now, which means you save $4,000. Talk about an affordable way to get into a room. It's $4,000 off, but not for very long. And there's only a handful of spots left. So if you want to go to that room, have dinner with us three individual nights and all of our network, our network becomes your network overnight. And if you want a half day of intentional networking that leads up to each one of those dinners, literally, it is the answer to you changing your network overnight. Go to Chrisharder Me dinner again. That's Chrisharder Medinner. Grab it before the $4,000 early bird discount goes away.

We're so grateful for you and we will see you next week. Sam.