Episode 42: From the Depths of Suffering to Loving Yourself Fully with Kate O'Brien

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Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn your happy.

Podcast and today I'm so excited for.

You to listen in on this conversation that I got to have with my guest, Kate o'. Brien. She really has gone through the depths of human pain, hitting rock bottom twice. After an emotionally turbulent and violent upbringing, she's overcome huge barriers including anorexia, bulimia, depression, and drug addiction. And we really deep dive into those and the steps that she took to get out of that. And now she's become leader in her field as a registered nurse, speaking at international health conferences, being nominated for a special regional health award for her national work. She also works alongside of her amazing loving husband, Hanari, and co founded the Game Changer Global Summit. It's an annual event connecting the top thought leaders of our generation. She attracts people like Jack Canfield, John Gray, Brennan Bouchard, and T. Harv Eker. And you guys, you will see why. So people are really listening in to everything that Kate has to say, and I just adored this conversation with her. So let's get started. Kate, I'm so excited to have you on the show today. Thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you so much for having me.

So Kate is this amazing woman who I just now have gotten to really chat with in person because I actually got to meet her amazing husband through a training that I was in. And you guys all know that I'm a huge Jack Canfield fan and got to spend a lot of time with him. And I feel like I know you, Kate, just through your husband and how much he talks about you. So I cannot wait to really dive deep with you because you are just putting out so much amazing stuff right now. I'm in love with following you. So we're gonna make sure everybody hooks up with that in the end. But could you bring us back to a time long before all of this greatness came about? So just Kind of tell us about yourself and your path.

Yeah, absolutely. Right now I'm sitting here looking out my window at coconut palm trees. I live in Bali. And that came from a decision. You know, two years ago I came to Bali for four days. Day two. I thought, I want to move here with my family. We've got two kids, went home. And within two weeks, you know, Hinati and the two kids had never been here before. But within two weeks we bought our one way flights and packed up everything we owned. And that just is a reminder that we really can follow anything we want. Usually we have a little window of opening and then we quickly cut it off because we think, oh no. And we have all of the thoughts and the feelings and the flood of stuff of why we can't do that. So I'm sitting here and from the courage of following that feeling, that inner knowing, so much has transpired. Life is pretty extraordinary. And if we go back several years, I remember sitting on the floor of my bathroom next to my toilet, leaning on it with vomit all down my face, with blood all through the vomit. My tears were running down my face, mixing with it all. And I actually felt like my life was over. I felt like at the grand old age of 1920, that I had stuffed up my whole life. And, you know, I was vomiting up to 10 times a day on a good day. I was so small through, you know, what I found out later through that I had anorexia. And, you know, life was absolutely no life. It was like a prison which I lived inside of. And it was so consuming, so overwhelming, that there was no other space left for anything else apart from fear. It took a lot to get through that, to get to a place where I was kind of going along, right? And then I reached another rock bottom. Because the interesting thing is sometimes we can heal surface level issues. And I would almost say that the eating disorders were a symptom of underlying stuff. Well, the symptom cleared up by applying some cream from very dedicated cream. But what was lying underneath that, like the roots never got cleared out. So the roots then grew up a new shoot. And that new shoot was a drug addiction. So, you know, fast forward a year after that, I was lying on the floor in my bedroom, unable to stand up through that. And you know, that was my second slap in the face, which I actually realized I was either going to die or I would have to collect my life together. And I made a recommitment to myself and fast forward a lot of hard work. You know, here I Am now, but I would say since then, you know, those are very dramatic kind of examples. There's been, you know, we have daily turning points, we have daily moments of aha and insights and awakenings that don't feel that dramatic, but they open our heart to what's more of what's possible. You know, it was several years ago that I had gotten through all that and Hinani and I, our lives were typical, stereotypical good, you know, we had a rental property business, I had a great career as a registered nurse, traveling the country, we had two kids, we had, you know, a so called great marriage, you know, great on many levels. Also a lot of pain on many levels. And yet under the surface I actually felt really hollow, Lori. And I think this was the painful part is that I thought, geez, I've come through so much, I've faced so much, my life should be good. You know, we've got all these houses. I can feel like I've ticked the boxes. I've all of that. And yet why the hell do I feel like this on the inside and it wasn't all the time? Because, you know, I really operate on top of that. Having drinks on the weekend, shopping, I had an immaculate house. You know, just stuff like that underneath it all. It's like when I'd be at a funeral or when I'd be nursing a patient. I was a registered nurse. And when I was nursing a patient who was at the end of their life and they were saying to me, kate, darling, what you think matters, it doesn't. And they would tell me about all of the regrets they had. Like this stuff was eating away at me. And then I realized that, you know what? I don't want to live this half lived life walking around unconscious, sleepwalking, thinking that I was ticking the boxes, but ignoring this yearning truth that was coming through. And so that was, I would say, as much of a wake up call as lying on my floor unable to stand, or sitting to the toilet in a pool of vomit. So from there, you know, it was, it was a day by day process of learning, of reading, of being willing to go deeper. I thought I'd gone pretty deep with my learning, but actually be willing to really say, you know, what would it be like if I was to take this to a whole new level? And that's when the conversation for me started to really come up. What would it be like if I was to even love that aloneness feeling? What would it be like if I was to love every single part of me now? That opens up a journey. It's not an endpoint to get to. It's a journey that keeps unfolding. You know, I keep on a regular basis seeing, you know, these parts of me that I'm resisting or rejecting. You know, say if I feel pissed off, if I'm angry, angry with Hinati, like this beast inside of me, how could I perhaps love that part of me that's getting triggered? So it's opened up a whole new conversation and I found that it's like the deeper I can go into my own self love. It's like the roots, those old roots that I talked about get replaced with new roots and then new shoots come up. So then the more I get to expand in my life. So hence now I'm sitting here in Bali just having really the most extraordinary life I could have imagined. Now as you're sitting here listening to this conversation, please don't make that mean it's perfect. There really isn't a perfection, but it's extraordinary. I actually wake up on a daily basis and I cannot wait to get into my life. It's exciting. I've got a lady who works full time for me here at home, who does everything home wise so I can stay in my space. A genius. We have a team now of six full timers and we're just about to head to New Zealand and we've got 250 people in each of our two day events in Auckland and Hawkes Bay. The only way we've been able to create this kind of a life is through doing the work and just showing up and really being willing to step more and more into our truth. And I noticed that the less I compare myself to others, the less I'm trying to make myself into a version of me so that people will like me. And the more I'm able to step into my own truth, the more my life gets to expand. And that's true for every single human being on the planet.

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There's so much beautiful, just freedom and space within that. Okay. There are so many things that you just said that. I want to go back to. This could be a conver. This could be a very long conversation, but we're going to attempt to keep it at a good time for you guys. So I want to go back to that space where, you know, you were on the floor for either one of those times. And the next thought. What is that next thought? For those people that are there right now? Because a lot of times, obviously there is a wide gap before they can get to somewhere that actually even resembles anything good. What is the first thought that people can start moving towards or feel? What do they grab onto?

Yeah, great question. We have two voices inside of us, and I almost wanted to separate them out. Let's call one the noise. Let's call one the voice. So the noise is all of that crap. The fear, the worry, the concerns. And then for some people, that might manifest into an eating disorder. For some people, that might manifest into more shopping. It manifests all sorts of ways. So here I am lying on the floor, and I had just. It was like the noise was so loud. It had been on loudspeaker for so many years that that's all there was. And perhaps, like my voice, which is, you know, that voice, which for each of us, is there that true part of us that is intuitive, that knows that there is something greater. And we all have it. We all have both. It's. Sometimes the pain has to. For some people, especially when we're like, in the grip of something, get to a point where the pain is so much that the voice can actually break through the noise. And for me, as I was lying there, I was actually able to stop for a moment and actually hear that voice underneath. And I remember lying on the floor, the voice was actually my dad's voice. And it said to me very clearly, darling, you could do anything with your life. Now, for each of us, I just want to say, you know, we all have those moments where in a moment, the little voice breaks through. I think my request, my encouragement for anyone listening to this is to give permission to that voice. So when you hear that little voice pop through, however it speaks to you, like, really stop and listen. And then, like, that's the door that's opening. That's the crack in the door. It's like, what could you do in that moment that actually has that door open so you can step through it? Because here's what happens is the door cracks when you hear that voice. But when we are too afraid to act on it, the door closes again. Now it'll open again another day. But we actually have to have the courage to take a step through it. So for me, what I did when I heard that, as I literally got off the toilet floor, I wiped my face, I cleaned myself up, and I went straight to the telephone and I rang a helpline. I thought, I need to put something in place right now, like a stake in the ground right now, because I know in the morning that door will close. And so I rang a helpline. I said, I need help. I told my parents I was very young then and put stuff in place. The same thing as when I was lying on the floor after the drug in that crack. I had to get on the phone and I got someone around there and I just said, look, this is what's happening. I need to sort this out. And I don't know what you're going through when you're listening to this. And it might not be as dramatic as that, but I think even if you're thinking in your head, my situation that I'm tolerating is less dramatic. I invite you actually to stop tolerating it. I invite you to stop tolerating any level of what's not working for you, even in this conversation. If it's stirring something for you on the inside. Let that remind you to listen to your voice and take action today. Speak to someone. Put your hand up, get support in whichever way that you need support, and it doesn't have to look a certain way.

That's beautiful. If somebody is not ready to find or seek out support, is there something that they can do in action? Something that could move them out of that experience? Experience. Move them into a new place. Was there any other things that you did around that?

Yeah. Look, if you're not ready to actually, if you're not even sure if you're ready, because sometimes there can be that confusion between the two voices, and it's very confusing. My invitation would be clear the day. Like, clear your diary for the next day. Cancel everything. There is nothing more important than this. Cancel every single thing you have on. Take yourself somewhere beautiful for the day with a pen and paper and just you. And actually write and start writing from that voice. Like, just write, write, write, write, write. You need to build a connection to that and write from that voice. Now, if you need to answer it with the noise, get out another piece of paper and answer it from the noise. Does that make sense? So you might say, you know, you might have that noise in your head. I am not good enough. Write that down. Write all of the noise out and then get a new piece of paper and respond to it with your voice. Yes, I am. Hey, I might not be feeling that now, but I am learning. I'm willing to learn. I'm willing to make this a day that I start learning. And then the voice might have a response, a noise might have response. Get back onto that piece of paper and write it out. Use different color pens, whatever. But look, this is probably the most important thing you can do for yourself. If you're thinking, I'm not even ready to get support, then you need to take some space. Like as soon as possible in the next 24 hours. There actually is nothing more important. Go away and then do some writing.

Kate, I love what you're sharing. I'm so grateful for you sharing your story with us. And literally this is. It can be applied to anything that you're going through. You're just making me think so much about when I go to write or when I've gone to write over the last three years. There's so much resistance there. And it wasn't until I really sat and realized, what is this resistance saying to me? What is this voice saying to me? Oh, it's saying, you know, you're scared you're not gonna be smart enough. You're delaying what you're afraid of. You're not wanting to face certain things. You know, it's just really interesting to write from that place and then write from the place of the loving voice too, to see the two contrasts. It was absolutely amazing. And I love, love, love that everything that you are saying can be applied like a blanket over anything, over any of those feelings. Like I always call it. Like it feels like a two year old trapped inside my body. Like a temper tantrum. Like sometimes I don't even know what to do. Like it's happening inside of me. So I love that you were also talking about. You would often just say the things to make people like you or say the things to feel accepted. What was that doing to you? When did you realize that?

It's so insidious. That's the thing is that it becomes, I mean, when you're doing that and that's, you know, it's that people pleasing space. It's so insidious that it's like. It's like contact lenses on your eyes. It shapes the way you look at the world, but you don't even realize you're doing it because you're looking the world through it, if that makes sense. So what it did, probably the biggest Impact that I didn't realize was it zapped me of all of my energy, the amount of energy that has to go into being someone versus being yourself. So what that would look like is if I was in a conversation with a professional person, I would be more professional in my conversation. If I was in a conversation with someone who was perhaps more down to earth, my language would change. Now, it wasn't even intentional. And all of this patterning always comes from what was installed as a child. If you think about it, we're born like blank computers with absolutely no programming. Well, some people might say that we do. And then by the time the age of 5, 50% of our beliefs are laid down. By the time the age of 8, 80% of our beliefs are laid down. So we have all this programming put in. As a child now, for me, home was a really violent place. Lots of amazing stuff as well, but really scary. And so I learned that if dad was happy, things sometimes were better. So I learned how to appease someone else to keep basically things safe. Now, this was wired at a fundamental, core survival level for me, and I've still got to be careful of it. Now, Lori, I can easily sit here and say, hey, I've overcome this. I see its head raise up in different disguises as I grow. And that's the interesting thing, is the more we grow, we have these patternings that get expressed in different ways. So did that answer your question? I think I went a few different ways with that.

Oh, I love that. Are you kidding? I was like, yes, it just opens a new door. No, no, that was. Yes, I absolutely. That absolutely answered the question. And I think what happens, it's so funny because it brought me right back to. This podcast has been such a journey for me because I, you know, we love who we are now, right? Like, you can honestly say, Kate, you love who you are, and you just want more of that to show up, you know? So as I interview people, especially amazing people or people that I, you know, look up to, I'm like, I want to make sure I'm bringing myself fully in a way that I would bring myself to my best friend, to a family function where I'm just having a great time and not judge myself and think that was stupid or, why did you make that joke? Or what are you doing? This person's so professional. And is there something around that that you maybe a mantra or something that just brings you back to bringing yourself? You know, if people haven't even learned how to bring themselves into a situation yet, do you have any advice around that?

Yeah, great, Great question. And it's actually something, to be honest, that has been probably the biggest thing for me that I've been opening up into in the last 12 months. You know, just recently, actually just this week, I put out a video where I was completely naked and just talking about owning up and out, you know, really showing up in our truth. And I showed, you know, the parts of my belly, et cetera. And I think it's the biggest thing is why and for what purpose. I find that those are the biggest questions we can ask ourselves. So. So looking from the point of view of how the original padding is being someone so that people like me. Why? For what purpose? That comes down to a core thing around wanting to be safe, wanting approval. But then when you really look at it, so that might be the intention of it. And sure, that beautiful little part installed that patterning at a time when that actually worked. Like, that really did keep me safe. So I can send love to that little part and say, thank you so much, darling. Oh, my goodness, you did such a fantastic job, honey, of keeping us safe when we were little. But, sweetie pie, that's actually not working for me now. Like, really, even though your intention is to keep me safe, honey, I'm actually feeling a bit more pain from it. So we need to do something else. Is that okay with you if I take over from here? So I can actually now see that even though the intention was to keep me safe, in fact it actually causes me more pain when I'm not showing up, in my truth. So, you know, I went into releasing that video this week, for example, which, you know, really is. You know, it really pushed the boundaries for a lot of people. I knew it would, and I knew it'd be polarizing. And I went in, and here was my two conversations in my head. On one hand, the noise said, oh, my goodness, you're going to get so much flack from this. People are going to not understand it. They're not going to like it. It's going to be, you know, all of that kind of stuff. And my voice, I had to take the space to check in with myself. And what I heard is this message needs to be heard. This message needs to be heard regardless of what people say. And it's the conversation that it sparks for people in both camps is perfect. And then really looking at myself and looking at what is the impact for me if I am pretending to be someone else versus being myself. And look, you can even do this, like, list Off. What is the impact? Well, the impact for me is if I'm being someone else, the energy it zaps from me. It takes 500% more energy to be someone else and be me. What else does it take? Well, if someone sees me on video and then they see me in real life, are they going to be disappointed with what they get? Because I've sold them someone I'm not. So it's all of these impacts that when you add it up and you get present to actually, what is the cost? Often we're more likely to want to shift. And I think that's the thing, is, as human beings, we are so numb to impact because we've been doing it for so long that we tolerate what's there. Yeah.

Okay. So many things I want to say around this because this touches on so many things. This is like a tree that has a million branches to it. So I'm gonna just narrow down one right now, and we'll go to the next one. So right now, what's coming up for me is, you know, when that. When that voice hit of. This is the message that needs to come through, because we talk about this a lot, because I think we're constantly getting the voice, but we're getting it clouded with. What are we naming the other one today? Fear?

Noise. Yep.

Noise. Okay. And we're constantly being clouded with noise. So a lot of people are like, you know, Kate, I think this message had to be so clear to you in order to do that. Right. In order to get naked on a camera and be like, okay, this is so important to me. This needs to be clear for people, because this came through so loud for me. But what happens is the noise came in. Right. So what did it feel like when it initially came in? What was that message exactly that you knew that needed to get out? And how did you keep going back to the initial voice? I know that's a lot of questions.

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Fabulous. So the first part of that I hear is around how does it feel when you hear that voice versus when you hear the noise?

Yes.

Yeah. So and this is really key. I'm glad you brought this up. It's actually number one, this is progressional. I want people to know that it is progressional when you learn to listen into this and to feel into it. So the reason why I was able to hear it clearly was because I've showed up for myself on a daily basis. So so wherever you're starting from that is perfect for you. And start in small steps with what we're about to go into. There is actually a fundamental, very different sensation in the body from the noise versus the voice. And I think when we learn what those sensations are in our own body, then it makes such a huge difference. And some people call this the intuition. When you get to feel into what are the sensations of your intuition, you know, because it's got a more of an expansive feel versus a contraction feel. And in my experience when I hear like it's the fear based kind of conversation, my head, I feel more of a contraction and I feel it more like heaviness in my chest. It feels more like this, a stopper versus if I'm listening to like mother, my truth, my soul, my intuition, the, you know, the true voice there is like the kind of I wish you could see me because I'm using my hands now, like kind of like an expansive feeling through my midsection. Like it's almost like vroom, vroom, like a little in and out sort of feeling. Like it just, it feels better now it can feel also. And this is the challenging part is because that voice, the truth, the intuition can lead us down a path that can actually that really challenges that other part of us. Now this is a confusing people for that confusing part because you know, when you feel that then often if you don't take action or you do take action within a certain period of time, often then the fear will come up and the fear's intention is to pull you back into an old way. So I think that's the tricky part is how do you then after you, number one, start to listen to how does it feel expansive versus contraction when that intuition voice is speaking. And then you can follow that. And then number two is that when you're on that path, when the fear gets activated, how do you give yourself permission to recalibrate at a new level so that you're not getting pulled back into an old way of being? And I think, and I want to take this back to just one next thing is that if you're just starting off and you're thinking, holy heck, how do I even start? Well, number one is actually just start learning how to listen to how to feel your sensations in your body. You know, some people, sometimes we're so operating just on a head base that we've actually forgotten how to even feel. So just the first steps for you is remember this is progressional, is to start to feel again, start to feel, oh, I'm feeling Anxious. Where do I feel that in my body? How does it feel? Do I feel it in my fingertips? Do I feel it in my chest and take a moment to connect? We need to create more connections to feelings so that we can actually then identify them so that we can act upon them.

Yes. And I believe there's an. For me, personally, because I've really. This has just been my work, like, what I've been tuning into for myself the last two years. So I love hearing you say that. You know, you're doing the exact same thing. It's really. It's got an expiration date before the fear tends to smother what I remember of the feelings. So one of the things I do around it, too, is just too. If I'm excited about something and it's in the midst of a large decision and I'm like, yes. I try to just, like, take a mental picture of that feeling within my body. Just capture it and take a note and be like, right now, I am excited. I feel lifted. I feel like I'm floating. I feel elevated. I got goosebumps. I just try to really, like you said, really start tuning into how you're responding to different things. And a great way to practice it is like, if you know something's absolutely right, so practice on just taking notes on those things that you're like, this is a yes. Like, there's no fear. There's nothing. This is absolutely a yes. So that when the murky stuff comes in, it's kind of like, oh, wait, these are the same feelings around that. Because it's just. I think we get thrown so many decisions, and like you said, fear can step in and take over for us. But it's good for me to remember back to what that felt like. So for you, before you put this video out, that was it. You were just like. Like, this is it. This has to come through. How long did it take you from that feeling for you to act on it, to plan on it, to tell people?

Okay, so it got released on Thursday. We filmed it on Tuesday, and I had the idea on Monday.

Okay.

Yes.

So you acted right away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

Okay. And because it's so interesting, I want to follow this journey of doing this because your naked video is anybody's anything, right?

It's.

It's anyone's something from their soul. It's anyone's first e. Course. It's anyone's first post. It's anyone's first Facebook Live. Really. That is because, you know, she said, like you said, Kate it's progressive. So it was the same. It was equal to anyone's first anything, meeting them where they're at, Right. So they're going to feel the exact same way. Okay, so you got the idea, you knew you had to act on it. What did it feel like the second you were hitting publish? Did you question it again?

It was really interesting actually, because I got it back from my editor that night, like 11:00pm we committed to getting out the next day. I took it down to Henari and I was so excited and he was in a grumpy mood and he just didn't say much. And I took it upstairs again. I went back upstairs. So here's what happened on the inside. I felt annoyed at him. I then also, then I heard the noise say, what if you've gone too far? What if it's too much? And I just thought, this is so perfect right now to get an opportunity to connect my truth versus someone else's, what I perceive as someone else's fear. And so I just sat there and I actually went right in and I sent myself so much love and I just really got connected to what is my purpose for this? What is my intention? And I got really clear. My intention is to actually challenge the current paradigm on how we relate to ourselves. And then I thought, and I asked myself, does this video do it? And I said, absolutely. Does it do it? Does it do it to myself in an honoring way? Absolutely. Am I hurting anyone? No. So therefore, if something comes back, if people don't like it, which of course I'm not going to like it, I get it's polarizing. Am I okay with that? Absolutely. I know that at the end when I'm on my deathbed, I can look myself in the eye, hand on heart, and say I really delivered my truth from the right place. So yeah, there was a little process that all happened in about 15 minutes. And I press after that, I press post. And I felt so proud to share. That felt like a gift. And you know, and it has been polarizing. I've had all sorts of responses back. Of course it's been overwhelmingly embraced. But also, you know, people have really also not understood it and taken it the wrong way and had it very much trigger them. And the interesting thing is because I had that moment, I feel so fine about that. And in fact, you know, someone posted something this morning and I just had so much compassion for him. I just like that was my predominant feeling in my chest was overwhelming compassion for him. It wasn't like a, oh my God, you know, maybe I'm not good enough. Yeah.

So interesting how those can literally be just even more. Well, we know even, even more beautiful lessons for you to just give you that one quick test beforehand to know what's coming. Right. And just that opportunity.

Absolutely. And can I just add to that? Here's the thing, Laurie. We have all these little opportunities now. That opportunity was disguised as Hinati just being a bit grumpy. Now. I could have stayed at the level of. And I felt the pull of wanting to go there. And here's what it sounded like. Okay, I'm gonna put my internal voice on loudspeaker. I cannot believe he's not supporting me. Like, does he not know how much went into this for me? Like, does he not know how vulnerable I around this? Does he not realize he is such an a hole? I cannot believe how you know, so that's where that could have gone. And it feels. And like this. I felt that in a split second. And the thing is, the pull of wanting to project out our own fear is so juicy because it gives us a get out of jail free card. What would have happened in the moment if I hadn't gone down that pathway is I would have relinquished my power. I would have. It would have been his fault that I didn't put it out. And then I wouldn't have put it out and I would have have got to be right about staying small. And I think this is what happens a lot for us. Laura, you talked us before about this video. For me is other people's blog posts, it's other people's websites, it's other people's putting up their hand and handing in their resignation, whatever it is. We all have these moments and the only thing is learning this whole conversation we've talked about really practicing it for yourself as a muscle so that, that when you have windows of opportunity, you actually have the courage and the insight and the like, the global foresight to go, yeah, I can put a stake in the ground right here and right now and know that every single thing that comes up along the process that is going to be my learning and my growth. And it might be described. Sorry, it might be disguised as my husband. It might be disguised as someone not agreeing with me. It might also be disguised as my resources and my money running out for the project that I'm doing. But this is the opportunity for me to build internal resourcefulness. And that's the entire point. It'll be the opportunity for me to say, how can I be and do In a new way so that I expand into my highest potential.

Beautiful. Without lessons, there is no expansion. We just stay exactly where we're at. And just, you know, I was reading a book. Chris and I had recently took some time off, which was amazing. And I had so many voices around that, like, you can't take time off. There's so much going on right now, and it was the best thing I have ever done. And now I'm giddy about taking more time off. Like, now I'm actually looking forward in my schedule for more time off. And it was basically just a book around, really loving every single thing that comes up, every single feeling, every single emotion, every single thing that somebody says to you. And, you know, viewing what Hanari said to you as just an opportunity to expand even more, and what a little secret gift that was for you to be like, wow, he actually prepared you for that comment that came, you know, the next day. And it's even more preparation because it was from somebody, you know, your own husband, who you. Who you love, who you're seeking comfort from. And believe me, my husband does things like this to me all the time. I do the same thing to him. But it's all just. Just beautiful, perfect opportunities. So what would you say after the video is now out? How do you feel? Are people really understanding, for the most part, what it's about? Have people written you, told you, you know, what's going on afterward?

Yeah, there's been a huge, huge, huge response. I think within the first 12 hours, I got sheared, like, about 500 times. And it's overwhelmingly the response is that it reminds people to look deeper for themselves and what's been beautiful, you know, I've got countless messages, people, you know, young ladies, saying, wow, I've rejected. I mean, you know, when you go and have a look at it, for those of you who are listening on my YouTube channel, you'll see, you know, it shows. It's not showing me in a light that most people are portrayed in. And, you know, it reminds people that the parts of them that they're rejecting. What would it be like to actually be okay to choose, to honor, to own it? So a young girl, she contacted me, she said, oh, my goodness, I've rejected my stomach for all of these years, yet my stomach's actually flat. And then I look at your stomach, and I think, she's loving it. What the heck am I doing? A man in his early 70s said that day he had eaten more for dinner than what he had anticipated and went and looked at the mirror in his tummy and felt really ashamed of himself. And then he said he saw the video and he really re questioned where he was coming from. And I just, I love that it's so important. I'm so. I don't even know what the word is, but just so satisfied with this work because I know that it's actually making a difference to people. And I can, I feel it. I can see it in the messaging that people are responding well with.

I loved the video. I shared it. I watched it again today before interviewing you. And it just really, it does. It makes you think. It. It makes you remember who you are. And I love that you say dropping into deeper self love and that you were before this, you were using things to stuff down your truth. So what is your truth right now?

Great question. I just want to feel into this. My truth right now, Laurie, is actually changing. It's really learning on a daily basis about more who I am and what I want to share and what makes me me and being okay with just the exploration and the journey of that. And yeah, it's interesting. It's not even anything that there's no bells or whistles around it. It's just really keeping on unfolding into me and being okay with more and more with who I am and looking at where am I even pretending to be someone else or where am I falling into an old pattern? Where am I getting myself triggered and wanting to go back to safety? And where is the root of that? And would it be okay to even love that fear? And it's just, yeah, that's the process of my truth at the moment. And I do also get that. I love how you said, you know, where is it at the moment? Because once again, truth, our connection to our own truth also becomes very progressional. So it's interesting where I am at now. I'm assuming I'm not going to be here in a year's time or a year's time after that.

That's so interesting because it is always ever changing. I've been talking a lot about seasons because I'm really feeling that. And it's funny, once you start talking about something, you hear it everywhere, right? So just it's constantly changing because you're growing. So right now this is the area of where you're focused, of where you feel like you need to be. And I think it's so beautiful because we seem to always teach exactly what we're working in. So if you ever need to know what's going on in My life, look what I'm doing, look what I'm teaching and saying. It's probably an area I'm working on personally. And you say drop the resistance around, you know, being ourselves, letting that truth out. What is your practice around that? So what is the really tangible practice? Things that you're saying in your head, things that you're doing around when you notice, oh, that's not being me. Or is that being me or not? What are some things that we can grab onto?

Yeah, I'd say the biggest thing for me, and it's just really being able to stop or pause if I get a sensation that is feeling like I'm going against my own grain, like going against the own fabric of my soul. You get a sensation and then in that moment to pause and metaphorically or physically or mentally step back and then tune in and tune in and just feel, feel, feel what's there, feel what's there. And versus also feel where my soul is like my truth is sitting. And it's. Don't really know how to describe it, but it's like a shift on the inside that you can feel. And then also listen to what is the stream of conversation that's in my head. So it's kind of like just stepping back from it all and just feeling in and listening and then giving myself permission to recalibrate from that space, which is really important because I think the thing is, you know, there's so much that I'm creating at the moment. You know, life is really fast paced and in the fast pacedness of it all, without the opportunities to pause, step back and recalibrate, you know, things can just keep traveling along at the same, in the same tradition trajectory. So that practice of pausing, stopping, pulling back, checking in, feeling and observing, and then allowing to recalibrate back in alignment with my truth and then stepping forward and going again.

Okay, so as somebody who does, you know, I'm constantly checking in, doing this work all the time. And I can say sometimes you can get to point. And this is for me, I'll have to hear your take on it and I would love to hear your thoughts around this. Sometimes I can get to this point where I am checking in so much, like, what is this? Why did I feel this way? What's going on? And it's getting, it can get muddled up. So I'll make a big decision that felt amazing. Then all of a sudden I can feel a different way, or maybe I'm talking to someone, but because my mind is a little bit thinking About. Of something else, perhaps from the morning or a thought comes up. It's like my feelings, because I can become so in tune, my feelings can get a bit muddled up. At what point does somebody, you know, I know I try to give myself space around that. Sometimes I'll go for walks or runs and things become a lot more clear. So I guess I just answered my own question. But for a lot of people who are feeling really, you know, confused on that, it's like, where. Where do we figure that out? Sometimes I think we can become so highly sensitive to our feelings that it can actually become more unclear.

Yeah, absolutely. Because it's almost like we go in with. When that happens, we can go in with a magnifying glass or a microscope and then we get so focused in on one part that it can get quite confusing. So I think, I mean, you answered exactly. And what I've found personally is having the space out. So it's because Hen and I have been really getting more and more in the past couple of years. Is that because our entire conversation is around personal development and stuff, and it's around expansion, it's around growth. And you know that it's actually also extremely important that we get time out where we can give those other parts of us expression. So, you know, I've got like a really mischievous part of me. I really like her. She's super mischief. And. And so going out and intentionally, me and Hennay together, like, we'll give that part, that mischief part of ourselves some real expression and just really go for it. And for that night, personal development is off the table. Personal growth is off the table. But that part of us gets so filled up and satisfied that we then go back into our week and it just. It feels so beautifully balanced and like in alignment of all of who we are. And that can look in all sorts of ways, like it could be, you know, maybe you've got a creative part. Like, go and get creative. Go and do something that's not that. And what you find is that in the moments of not focusing on that, then you all often hear your truth come through and set the intention. Just know that, you know, you're always being spoken to, you're always being talked to, you're always being given guidance. And sometimes it's getting away from that topic and doing something else that's really fresh that re energizes you, that freshens you up, that you can actually hear your guidance again because then you're getting away from the noise. So whether that's running Whether it's walking, whether it's exercise, whether it's being creative or doing something that just really has you in a beautiful zone, or whether it's going and doing something entirely different. I think it clears us out to actually hear more of that. The guidance come through.

I love that you just said that. That's really what I've been trying to follow. And it's been so, so helpful just giving yourself space or completely giving yourself permission to be off of whatever that is and listening into whatever you want to do in that moment. Like when I was in Mexico, I was like, you know what? I want to eat just tortillas and have three glasses of champagne for lunch. What would actually happen if I did that? And then maybe I want to run afterward, or maybe I want to sit in the pool or maybe. And I just. I was like, nothing did not matter. I was not going to think about anything. I was just going to be present. And I think just by doing those things, I can't even tell you the clarity that came of, of just allowing, like, allowing. It was so beautiful. And space, it felt like massive space. So if someone can't get away, if somebody can't maybe give them the space that they're picturing right now, how could they give themselves space even though their life is so busy?

Yeah. So two ways we can answer that, I think. One, either you can deal with the busy and create space, because I think sometimes a lot of, at times a lot of the busy can be that people are taking on actually too much. When I say too much, I am a person that is up to a lot. I have got a busy life, but also I've got super clear about what it is that is really important to me and saying no to everything else. So I think number one, like this just on a total surface environmental level, like actually ask yourself, are you doing a lot of stuff out of obligation? Are you saying yes to a lot of things? And is there stuff you can actually really clear off your plate? Like where is your energy getting zapped from? Because I think we all have the same amount of hours per day. And I think sometimes things like having open loops throughout your life where things are incomplete, where you haven't followed through on stuff where you're saying yes, where you should be saying, where you could be saying no, all of the stuff running around, people pleasing that just congest our time and our energy, that then we don't have that space to then go and do these other things. And I think for anyone, when we actually relook at. Once again, that would be caused by patterning. So once again it's doing the inner work, showing up, cleaning up your space. But then. So let's say that it is cleaned up or let's say that you do really, you have done all that and your space is so busy and that is on stuff that's such an alignment for you, then what could you do to be able to, I don't know, just make space throughout your day? I mean, my time is so busy, but I find that it's like just finding those little things, you know. The other morning I got up at 6am and I took my canvas out into a jungle and I painted. And that was after a day of. I was just. I'd had a day of feeling like I was going against the grain and that I was going in a harder direction. And so I actually cut my finger and it told me that I wasn't listening, I hadn't paid attention. So luckily I listened to that cut rather than wait till I had a bike accident or something. And I stopped and I cleared my schedule, I cancelled everything. I booked a massage, I went into the jungle and I painted. And I felt way more connected after that. So I think sometimes we actually have to reprioritize ourself versus our to do list and have the willingness to either, you know, cancel stuff for a day and actually listen to yourself.

Yes. And if you would have talked to me five years ago and said the same thing, I would have been like.

Ah, no, I can't.

And now I looked. It's right before this, Chris and I were doing our schedules and for our anniversary, we just. We have so much going on.

Right.

Everybody's busy because we know how to fill our. More than anything else, we know how to fill our schedule.

So.

And I looked at it and I was like, like we can, like anyone can clear space. Anyone can. You just have to set it as if you're setting your work appointments. Like everything can wait if you create, you know, this space. So it's really looking ahead or seeing where there's space right now and leaving it, leaving it open as if that week doesn't even exist or as if, you know, just clearing something. Like you can apologize to someone, you can reschedule someone, something you can, you know, explain to somebody so that they understand, hey, I just need this space. I just need this time for myself to really reset. I adore you, but let's reschedule or whatever that looks like.

Absolutely.

A lot of times I'm finding It's just conversations. It's just lack of communication with people in order to clear space. So what is something that maybe you. What conversations do you have to. Have to clear space. Space for yourself?

Yeah, absolutely. One of the things I do on a regular basis is check in and look at what are the things that aren't working for me in my life on every level. And so I do this on a regular basis. And it's like spring cleaning and write a big list. And it's even on a total environmental level of, you know, the tap in my shower is not working properly and I haven't got around to fixing it. I. You know, the other day a while back, Laurie, I was at a cafe and I actually didn't have my money on me after, and I ended up leaving without paying through a conversation. And I hadn't gone back and paid for it when I said I would. And this, you know, because life was busy and there was all of these, you know, when I look at it, there's all these things, I call them incompletions, open loops. And when you have a hundred of them little things stacked up, they actually drain our energy. And we don't even realize because once again, we tolerate living in a drained energy space. So we're just about to fly to New Zealand to do workshops throughout New Zealand. And so I've made my list of what needs to get cleaned up. I need to clean up my space to be able to shift into the next level. So at nighttime, just recently, I went around and paid that cafe. I paid this something else that was left undone, got things fixed, put things in place, and all of these loops are getting closed. And it's interesting that. So this is a conversation I have on a regular basis. And it keeps, like, cleaning out the old stuff that is holding us back because all of those things are like little energetic ties to our background, to our past. When we clean them up, we actually keep creating new space, keep creating new energy. And then in there, it's like new opportunities open up.

I am such a firm practitioner of that, I can't even tell you how happy I am that you brought that up. So for anybody listening, this 100% truth. When you start closing those loops, when you start tying up those loose ends, it's amazing. You're like, where did all of this energy come from? Because you don't realize the thoughts around it that are just making you feel terrible. I'm like, my closet is making me feel. Feel irritated every time I walk in. So literally, I just Hired someone for way more than I thought it would ever be, but to really organize my closet. Because you know what? I want that energy to put back in my relationship, to put back in whatever work I'm doing or just to have it for more relaxing, whatever that looks like. So I love, love, love that you said that. So, Kate, I could literally talk, talk to you all day long. But last thing, just what would you really recommend to people who are ready? They're listening to this podcast. They're, like, ready to take it to another level. What does that actually look like? What is some action that they could take besides everything we talked about?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So number one is you get that feeling inside. I am ready to blow the roof off this thing. Do you know what that is for you? So is it in which direction? Is it in how you feel about yourself? Is it a business idea? Is it writing a book? Like, where's that calling leading you to get clear on that first and foremost. And then the second thing is always, what is one thing you can do right now? Like I am talking about when this interview finishes, what is the one small thing you can do that would act like a catalyst? That would be like you throwing your hat over the fence. Now, if you think about it, if you're standing next to a fence and you throw your hat over the other side, you're going to have to climb the fence, regardless of how high it is to go and get the hat. So you're standing here right now on the other side of the fence is that thing that you want to blow the roof off. So what action, what phone call, what conversation, what could you pay? Money is a massive stake in the ground to actually throw your hat over the fence. So it creates momentum beyond your actual motivation, because you will be motivated in the moment of motivation. But what happens at 5am when your alarm clock goes off and you can't be bothered? So it's, you know, like, put a stake in the ground, ring up and book that venue and pay for it on your credit card for where you're going to film your video series, commit to your friend, declare it publicly, whatever it is, and then the next thing, the third thing is, what is the first small action that you can take after that? And then the next day when you wake up, what is your first action you can do today In a year's time, you'll be amazed at the progression. Whoa.

Okay, so I'm just going to repeat that take. Take that action or think of that action and then take it. That Creates momentum beyond your motivation. I just wrote that down.

I was like, yes.

That is so amazing, so beautiful. That is everything. Because it's really, that's how things happen. That is how all of my events have happened. Because I, I book something, say it out loud, and then there is no turning back. No matter how bad I want to turn back. That is the stuff that makes things happen. So, Kate, I have one last question, but before we get to that, where can we find you? Where can we follow you? Where can we watch all of your videos?

Yeah, absolutely. So on social media, if you go to any social media, aytemarie o'. Brien. So K A T E Marie is spelled M A R E e. And then o'. Brien. And so on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. And if you come over to YouTube, I put out one of these. I call them like a powerhouse video. They're only really short, but a brand new powerhouse video goes out every week. And there's a couple of the naked ones there, there's a makeup one. And they're all really challenging us all to rethink and think deeper and to expand bigger and play more so on there. And also if this conversation resonates with you, but you're thinking like, how, how do I apply this in my life? Because it's often that transition from theory to experience. I've got a free 8 day video training program which is you can find game changerfree.com and literally it's eight days of teaching you each day a distinction around these kind of conversations we're having that you can actually apply in homework to apply to actually start building these muscles in your life. So that's game changerfree.com.

What a gift. You guys. Make sure you go and follow. Okay, Kate, so I'm so grateful to have you on the show, so grateful that you came on and the time differences and all that craziness.

Oh, thanks, Lori. Can I just. I want to acknowledge you, Laurie. Laurie, thank you so much for what you're doing in the world. What I love with you, you show so many authentic parts of yourself. You know, you've got, you're so beautiful. You're so amazing with what you're doing and it's such an authentic expression of you. And also you also show those other authentic parts of you. And I was so inspired that when you started doing the Facebook lives in your dressing gown and you just. So you show so many angles of truth. So I just want to really thank you and acknowledge you for what you're doing in the world. You're just making such a huge difference.

Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much. I am taking that all in. Thank you. Okay, so you have 30 seconds in an elevator with someone, and they look over at you, Kate, and they say, what can I do to make myself happy? What do you say?

Oh, darling, connect into you. Like, really go within you and find all of the parts of you that have resistance to you being happy, have resistance to you actually loving yourself. And then all of those parts, that is your work. Like, that is where to go to do the inner work. Because if you use your life or use personal development or personal growth as a place that I need to improve myself so that I will finally be happy with myself, you're always going to be chasing happiness because that stuff is so temporary. So we need to go within and say, where am I not loving myself? Go there, do the inner work. And then guess what? Once you're in that space where you're actually going, you know what? Every. Every single part of me, I choose. I love or I honor. Guess what? Expand from there. Because at our soul level, we crave expansion. But that is a. In that way, it comes from a. Expansion, comes from an expansive place.

Beautiful. Kate, thank you so much for being on. And you guys, if you loved this episode as much as I did, please make sure you share it with people who, you know, need it. And until. Until next time, go earn your happy. Thanks, everyone.

Bye.

Bye. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye.

Bye.