Harness Your Confidence By Leaning Into Your Skillsets & Trusting Yourself

I think people spend too much time trying to get better at their weaknesses instead of spending all that time and energy doing what they're really, really good at to move the needle and hiring out or trading out or bargaining or finding somebody else to do the parts that they're not good at.

And we're back with another episode of He Said, she Said.

We are in New York City. New I love this place. Little known facts, people don't know this. I got you to agree that we could live here for one month in fall, right before COVID hit. Like, I've always wanted to be a, quote, New Yorker. Not that a month here would make me a New Yorker, but I've always wanted to, like, have a place, live here, walk around everywhere, be a part of the hustle and bustle. I was this close.

I have always not wanted to live here.

Yeah, that's why I always wanted to live.

I do love it here. I absolutely love it. I love visiting. I love being here for a week, even two weeks. I could see a month for sure, but it just starts to close in on me after a while. Like, I really like expansiveness and seeing, like, there's something for me that I. The reason I go to the ocean just about every single day when I'm near it is to, like, look all the way out. I just clear my thoughts. I feel like it's super cleansing. And I don't necessarily feel that here. And I'm sure there is. Like, I know that there are spots that people definitely go to, but for me, I definitely just, like a little bit more space. But I do love this. I love the contrast.

I love it, like, every time I come here, I get filled up with energy. Like, a whole different level of energy, but I don't think I could do it 24 7. I like that it is something different to me, Right? So I like that I can come here and know I'm gonna have a totally different feeling and then go bounce back to my real life and then bounce back here. If I could get out here three to four times a year, I think that'd be perfect for me.

I think, honestly, if I'm being totally truthful, the thing for me is, like, I just get a little bit worn down by. I go walk out on the street, and I kind of want to, like, smile at people or hold doors. And the fact that it doesn't really ever get reciprocated and people don't really smile back at you, I'm like, oh, my gosh. That is such a Big part of my life coming from the Midwest is like in the Midwest and in Arizona when we're there, like, everyone waves back at you for the most part, I would say 90% of people wave at you in some. And for me, that interaction is like really soul filling. So to be here and not get that back, I'm kind of like, oh, gosh, yeah.

I mean, understand. Listen, there's 20 million people packed into.

A small die emotionally, like they'd never.

They wouldn't get anywhere.

Totally. It'd be exhausting.

But we're out here for a really cool reason. So we are both speaking separately at Chris Winfield and Jen Gottlieb's amazing event out here.

Unfair advantage Live and freaking.

Love those two. And so one grateful that they asked us to come out and speak. Now, Laura, you're doing the keynote. You're closing the whole thing down on the keynote. Huge honor. You're going to crush a babe. And I'm part of a Q and A panel. And that's actually my favorite way to speak. People asking me random. I know it's the best questions. It's my favorite thing.

You're so good at it, too.

Now, when we're trying to think of what we want to do for our episode today, you kind of came up with, okay, let's form you up. I'm going to ask you random questions. You don't know what they are.

He came out of the bathroom and I said, here's what we're doing.

Thanks for that, by the way. I'm sure they wanted that.

Go with it. So here's what we're doing. I said, I'm going to ask you, like two or three questions. You're not going to know what the questions are at all, and you just have to answer them. Then you can ask me if you want to.

I swear to God, I don't know what she's going to ask me, but she seemed really giddy and really excited.

They're not crazy. Now I feel like I need to come up with something crazy.

She seemed really giddy and really excited to ask me.

Okay, all right. Okay. So first question, rapid fire. Where do you think confidence comes from? Where does your confidence come from?

Being real to yourself? I think confidence comes from knowing what you're good at and knowing what you're not good at and not trying to be and not trying to do the things that you are not good at and really leaning into the things that you are good at. Honestly, I think this is what slows people down in Life. I think that people spend too much time. I know this is probably the opposite advice that you've heard. I think people spend too much time trying to get better at their weaknesses instead of spending all that time and energy doing what they're really, really good at to move the needle and hiring out or trading out or bargaining or finding somebody else to do the parts that they're not good at. And I feel like confidence comes from staying in your lane and crushing that and finding the complimentary people and the complimentary pieces to help back you up in other areas.

You know, it's really interesting if you think of it in terms of an athlete. It'd be like telling a football player who has a natural ability in football to, like, go work on basketball in order to get better at football. Like, they're not going to go and do that. They might look at the common themes of athletics, but they're not going to go spend their day on their court getting better at something they're not good at in order to get better at football. Like, they're gonna just focus on their skill set and, like, really expand that. It's crazy because I think a lot of people do exactly what you said and they're like, oh, I gotta get better at, you know, building websites. I should learn everything about it. When that is not what they're good at at all, nor do they have the brain for it. I think that's the difference. Know how your brain is wired? Like, is that something that you can even do or get good enough at? Because some people's brains won't even. No matter how good you try to get, it just doesn't function that way.

Yep. Now, what about you? Where do you think it comes from? Or did you kind of answer it.

In the answer, I agree with you. But I also think that confidence comes from keeping promises to yourself and doing hard things within that realm of your skillset. So not even always within the realm of your skillset, but, like, doing hard things in general, like showing up for your workout and actually doing it. And the more that you can trust yourself and your ability to show up and count on yourself. And I think that's where confidence comes from. Like, I was just thinking of it in terms of me speaking. It's like, I'm confident that I can speak only because I kept showing up even when I was nervous or scared or had a panic attack on stage. Like, I know that I can get through it because I've just gotten through it. Even if it wasn't fun to get through it. Even if it didn't go as planned, even if I fall on my face, I have confidence in myself that I'm going to stick to it and get through it.

Love it. Okay, what's the next one? Lay down Me.

Where does your motivation come from?

One, I am just downright motivated by living an extraordinary life. I'm obsessed with this concept that we get one go around in this body, in this version, and I don't want to waste it. I don't want it to be mediocre. I don't want it to be inconvenient. I don't want it to be average. And that's okay if you do. But I know at the core what I want. And I think there's one of the secrets to life. Knowing at the core of what you actually want and then being unapologetic about it. I'm unapologetic about the fact that I want an extraordinary life with extraordinary experiences, extraordinary memories, with extraordinary people that I love. And we don't have a minute to waste. If people actually understood how short life was, if people actually were able to grasp the concept of how few minutes and days and weeks and years you actually have, then you would demand an extraordinary life full of extraordinary experiences, too. And that's where my motivation comes from, is to live that type of extraordinary life with extraordinary experiences. It takes this thing that we all agreed to trade called money, and to be able to be in touch with that fact that, okay, it takes money, then I just have to go out and accumulate as much money as possible. So that's the first one. Second one is I'm obsessed with safety in terms of creating legacy wealth for our family. You know, you and I are the. The main breadwinners in the family. When I say the family, I mean the extended family. And every family member has awesome things to contribute. But the thing that we were gifted was the ability to create wealth. And so I feel a responsibility. And that responsibility really drives me. It's where the other half of the motivation comes from to make sure that we can be counted on as the ones that are creating the legacy wealth for generations to come. What about you? What motivates you?

Definitely that the one go around in life. And also I know that we talk about this too. We want legacy wealth. And I think we're thinking of because we kind of understand how legacy works. It's one to two generations, none that money's kind of gone, if we're being honest.

But you know what they say. Have you heard of the third generation curse.

Yeah, talk about it.

So the first generation, obviously, they create the wealth, they make a lot of money, and so they are the generation that is, I don't want to say most interesting. Right. But they did the work, they built the story.

Yeah.

Second generation got to see them do it. So they understand the concept of hard work. They understand what it took for their parents to get there. They understand everything that went into it. So they respect the wealth. Third generation didn't get to see it, and so they don't respect the wealth as much.

They.

They don't understand what went into it. They have no concept of how hard it was and what it took. And that's the one that creates the down cycle of wealth. And when they create a down cycle of wealth, the next generation has to come in, start all over again and clean it up.

I feel like the world is kind of in that spot right now.

Oh, don't get me started on that.

Like, not really seeing.

We want to keep the show. Right. So don't get me started on that.

It's this idea of legacy, but also that, like, honestly, no one's going to remember me. No one's going to remember what I did, so I might as well. Number one, that is incredible freedom. When I actually let myself think of that, it's like, to be honest, that should give us complete freedom to screw up. That should give us complete freedom to go for that big vision and that big dream. Because I really believe that the people who have the biggest risk tolerances are the ones who are going to be able to go for it the most in this lifetime. And I don't think that you can have a bigger risk tolerance if you really believe that every is weighing on you being the greatest version of yourself in this one go round. You have to give yourself a little bit of flexibility and remember and grace and remember that if we're being honest, unless you're doing something absolutely insane that impacts the globe, you're probably not going to be remembered for more than a generation or two and maybe three. And that gives me incredible motivation to want to do my best with this gift that the very short gift that I am given and I'm really motivated to help other people experience this life too, because I feel like I just, especially the way that I grew up in religion, I feel like the narrative, this is just my personal experience was like, the more that you suffer in this life, the more rewarded you will be. And I don't believe that because growing up around that was just never a great feeling. And I don't want people to live that life. I really want people to use this life for everything that they can. And we can experience so much and we have the ability to experience so much. We're so blessed to. So that's what I really want.

Listen, you are put here to contribute, not to suffer. That is what I wholeheartedly believe you. And I don't mean you Laurie, of course you Laurie. But you, figuratively speaking, you listening. You're put here to contribute, not to suffer.

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All right, last question. What do you think the secret is to creating really good relationships in terms.

Of networking relationships, playing the long game. It's funny, Lewis House was just teaching at my Mastermind. By the way, you guys, shameless plug. We are filling seats for the elite Mastermind. If you're going to make over $500,000, you want to learn from people like you know Daniel Canty, Lewis Howes, you know all the incredible people that come and teach, go to Chrisharder me forward slash Mastermind. We get together for extended periods of time twice a year. Tons of one on one coaching in between. Like it's the best program out there to to move the needle for you for one year. But it's only for people who have a business that are making over $500,000 in 2023. Everyone else in that room, they're seven figure and eight figure businesses.

So I just have to say if you're going to take a big leap, that is the room to be in there is like nothing like it that I have seen in my entire life. Like these people truly grow their businesses more than I think they even expected in that room. Obviously you have to show up and be ready to do the work, but you're gonna feel stretched, you're gonna feel scared. And that's just how you grow. That's how we have grown as masterminds. And definitely it is the room to be in.

It's actually the answer to your question. Right. So what is the key to long term networking relationships? Number one, get in the Room to meet the people. So true, right? Number one, get in a room to meet the people. You have to be able to create these accidental collisions or you can't start the relationship. That's number one. But number two is you got to play the long game. The reason I can have all these people come and volunteer their time to come speak and teach people I care about is because I have spent years looking for opportunities to add value to their life without asking for anything in return. In other words, every day that I wake up, I try to be hyper conscious about what my friends and acquaintances need in life. I literally keep one eye open, one ear open, pointed towards all my friends and acquaintances, looking for them to post or say or make a comment off the cuff of what they need. And then I store that in my active memory. Hey, I've got to solve that need. If I can, and I can't solve all the needs, I don't go over the top trying to solve them. But when I come across someone who can, you know, maybe they'd be a great introduction or an opportunity, hey, maybe you could go speak at this event or anything that will help to solve that need or that challenge they have, I quickly go match those two things up and create value in their life. So long term game of creating value in their life without expecting anything in return. That's where true networking comes from.

I love it.

What about you?

Well, I totally agree with you. I think it is the long game and I mean it's 100% what you said. I'm always thinking of how I can help somebody, how I can solve a problem and also, man, what rooms can I get into? I know I'm getting. I'm going to a mastermind where I know nobody, nobody in Miami. I'm going by myself. And do I want to go? Am I being totally honest? I absolutely do not want to go. But I know that there's going to be magic in that room for me because there always is. I trusted it. The first time that I decided that I trusted somebody else. I heard on Lewis House podcast and a bunch of other podcasts that masterminds were where it was at. I heard Jack Canfield say it. He's kind of the OG right of personal development, one of them. And I trusted them and believed them, that this is how they grew their life and their career. And so I went. And ever since then I've been taking that leap of faith knowing that even if it's not the exact thing that I needed or even if it doesn't turn out the way that I wanted, that it turns out the way that it was supposed to. And I trust that. I believe that what I just said is an actual core belief of mine. If it didn't turn out the way that I wanted, it turned out the way that it was supposed to. And I always extract the lesson. If you can't extract the lesson from the good thing and the bad thing, then you're actually missing some of the greatest lessons in life. So for me, I am trusting that this room is going to have magic. Therefore, it means that I will find it. And I know that. So that's what it is. It's going into different rooms. Because if you don't have the answer yet, it means that you haven't met the person with the answer and you haven't met the person with the answer. You're not asking the right question. Question. So I'm going to meet new people and I'm going to ask better questions.

So good, babe. All right, guys. Love and appreciate you listening as always. And if you want to apply for the 2023 class, jump in our mastermind, Chris Harder. Me mastermind? Or just DM me on Instagram. Love and appreciate you. Thanks for listening.

Sam.