How To Avoid The Top 3 Regrets In Life

This is the one way that I'm trying to show more love is I just say it out loud. Like, hey, I just want to tell you this because I was thinking it and, you know, a lot of the times we don't say the things that we want to say. And what I'm finding is that the more that I express love or something that I like about someone, the more fulfilled I become. Because if you want to feel more love in your life, you have to give more love first. It's just always how it is. And we're back with another episode of He Said, she Said.

You know, I had a really great conversation yesterday. One of the gentlemen in my mastermind, he's 62 years old, and we were talking about how we both lost our fathers in our early 40s, and ironically, our fathers were about the same age. And ironically, they were both unexpected the way it happened. So, you know, we had this in common. And so we're in a bus, you know, going from one event to another and just having one of those good conversations that happens in the magic, in the in between of a mastermind. Of a mastermind. And he asked if I had any regrets when dad passed. And other than having the regret of not getting to spend more time with him, obviously I said, you know, as soon as I got on the airplane to head home and see mom, right away when we got the news, the first thought I had, like, when you sit down, that's finally when you get to think about it, right? The first thought I had was, oh, my God, I'm so glad that I don't have any shoulda, coulda, woulda's that I didn't leave anything on the table, that we were memory making machines with my parents, because I feel like we got more memories. I got more memories with my dad. Bike rides, lunches, dinners, you know, winters out in California, family trips. I got more memories with my dad than someone who might have their dad live to be a hundred. And all of that came from really two things. Intentionality, right? We were very intentional about, hey, one day we're really going to appreciate this. So we got to make these memories even when they feel inconvenient, even when they feel like they don't fit somewhere, and time management. The time management part is making them fit somewhere, being smart about what you're trading out, being smart about your boundaries and being smart about creating containers.

I was just gonna say, you know, I really remember you every single week when your parents would be visiting for those few months saying, what do I have on the calendar this week, so getting down to the brass tacks of what is actually on the calendar. And you were so committed to making sure you had these appointments with family date days and dad family date days to make sure that you were spending the time with them that you knew that you wanted to for what your values were. And this is what we're talking about today, you guys. On this podcast is about living a life that you're not going to regret through time management. Because at the end of the day, it all boils down to what is actually on your calendar. And is what is on your calendar lined up with your vision for your life and your core values, or are you living a life that you are just reacting to? I really believe most people like you and I, at one point in our life were just living lives that were responding and reacting to everyone else's agenda and everyone else's dream and everyone else's vision or just whatever comes flying at us. And all of a sudden, 10 years goes by and you've lived a life that you feel like you actually haven't lived. It's kind of like the walking dead moving from one task to another. That does not fulfill you. And it doesn't mean that you're going to have a life full of all of these fulfilling moments. Warning. The sheepadoodles are coming in and they are jingling and jangling and playing, breathing.

Hard and doing things at night.

So you're going to hear them because we don't know how to get away from them.

No matter what office we go to in the house, they find us.

Oh, but it is sitting down and figuring out what is important to you. So I want to talk to you about. There was a study done about the top human regrets on people's DeathBeds. And number one was that they weren't reflective enough, early enough, meaning they didn't take the time to figure out what their values were, why they were here, and what they wanted for their life. And what. When is the last time that you can remember sitting and taking even an hour? You guys, think of the hours that we have sitting and taking an hour and saying, why do I think I'm here? What do I love to do? What are my actual core values? Who are the people that I want to be giving most of my time to? What are the things that if tomorrow was the last day on earth that I would regret not doing and really working backward from there and having these things show up on your calendar?

This was amazing because had so many Thoughts as you're saying that, the first one was recently I interviewed our good friend Rob Megatroy. And you know, they used to live in the US and they picked up, dropped everything and moved to Florence, Italy. And I've never seen people more aligned and more like living the lifestyle they should be living and where they should be living. Like when, when you go visit them there, you're like, oh, this is exactly what they were meant for.

Yeah.

And in the interview, you know, I asked him, how'd you ever arrive at this decision? And there was a lot that went into the decision. And of course, it's a longer story than what I'm about to say, but he said one thing that really stuck with me. He said, Kim, his wife Kim, asked me, if I had two years left to live, where would I want to live them and what would I want to be doing? And I knew instantly in the moment. He said it was in Florence, Italy, doing the things that we're doing right now. And the problem is we think we have forever. The problem is we think, ah, we'll get to that later, we'll get to that person later, we'll make that memory later, we'll earn that money later, we'll build that business later, we'll do that thing later. We think we have forever, but instead we gotta start looking at it as if I was told for certain that I only had two years left. What would I do, what would be important, who would be important and what would I want to achieve yet? And then act and plan with that urgency. Uphold boundaries and intentionality with that urgency. It'd be amazing if we lived our life just with a two year vision at a time, meaning thinking that we only had those two years left.

So I'm gonna go into number two. It was that they regretted not being loving enough. And now this can feel overwhelming, like, oh my God, I don't have energy right now to even go through number one, or I'm going to start with number one. And number two just feels kind of overwhelming, like I don't have a whole lot of energy after a hard day at work or after trying to figure out my vision or my dreams. But you don't have to do this all in one huge swoop. This can be done in little moments throughout the day where you know when you want to compliment someone or you have a compliment in your head that you don't say out loud. One of the things that I've started doing with this is right when I notice something about someone that I like. Whether it's their energy, whether it's something they're saying, whether it's their outcome, whether it's something they're doing well, this is the one way that I'm trying to show more love is I just say it out loud. Like, hey, I just want to tell you this because I was thinking it, and, you know, a lot of the times we don't say the things that we want to say. And what I'm finding is that the more that I express love or something that I like about someone, the more fulfilled I become. Because if you want to feel more love in your life, you have to give more love first. It's just always how it is. So the more that I am taking these moments where, you know, it's so easy to rush through things right now, because we're trying to get shit done all the time, every single day. And all it takes is 30 seconds to a minute in each interaction, maybe with our team or with our partner, to just compliment them, to notice them, to see what they're doing well, to say, hey, I really noticed that you did this the other day. Like, I noticed that you took out the trash. Thank you so much. That means the world to me. I feel loved when you do that. All of these little moments of acknowledging people are just gonna add to how you're feeling every day.

It's interesting because you say, hey, it only takes 30 seconds to a minute. Not even. I was picturing all my interactions yesterday as you're doing that. Okay. As I thought, you know, because I'm running. I'm running my mastermind right now. Right. And so for context, my brother is our COO for our personal brands, so he's there, of course, helping run this thing. Your brother is my assistant, so he's there helping run this thing. Dakota has been with us forever. She's like family at this point. She's there, obviously, as our event planner, and then all the members. And so as you're saying this, I was thinking through, what were my interactions? Did I stop and do this? And, holy crap, did I ever do this? This has become a muscle I built. And so if you don't do this right now, guys, everything in life is a muscle. You build until it becomes a difficult. I remember saying twice to Nick yesterday, love you, buddy. Thank you. I appreciate you. Same thing to your brother. Love you, buddy. Thank you. I really appreciate what you did today. Dakota, listen, every single time we do this, I'm always amazed by you. Thank you for what you did today. Now listen to Mastermind's still going on. So some people save this for the end. No, I do it every time we're leaving for the day or even in the middle of the day to the members. I remember stopping them and putting my hands on their shoulders and saying, hey, really proud of you. I know that your schedule was out of control. You still found a way to be here. Thank you for being here. You've added a lot to the room. Another person hey, thanks for being back this year. You add so much to this room. I really wanted you back. These took five seconds each time, but they were a very intentional five seconds. Looking them in the eye, stopping, pausing them physically and saying these things. It's a muscle that you build and when you do it, you feel great and better. Yet other people feel seen. And then if anything happens to anybody, because now, ever since dad passed away, unfortunately, I think about this. If anything happens to anyone, me or them, at least we had those moments and they weren't left unsaid.

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All right, number three. The third regret for people on their deathbed was that they did not take enough risks to live their best life. And this absolutely is a powerful thing that you can do. Just listening to Rob and Sharma talk about time management and he had everybody do an exercise where you picture that tomorrow is your last day on this planet. And what did you regret not doing? And I want to share that we make things that aren't as important so significant. I'm not saying that taking a big risk or losing money or going for your big dream is not a hugely significant thing in your life, but when you put it in perspective of, okay, if I died tomorrow and I had failed at that thing that I went for, would I have been happy that I still did it and tried it? And at the end of the day, we're placing all of this significance on this thing has to win. And I can't imagine living with this failure. But it's actually about going for it and trying it and understanding to the people who are in the arena with you. Meaning to the people who are doing the big things every single day, the big things are not as big as we think. It's about living a life that is the reason why you're here, living the life that you were meant to live, living a life of purpose. So for people who don't take risks all the time, or for people who haven't taken leaps outside of their comfort zone, or for people who are not in rooms with the people who are doing the bigger things and taking more risks, there's more significance on these moves. There's more significance on risk where as you start doing it, the significance actually becomes less because it becomes a normal part of life, just like failure becomes a very normal part of living a big life. So this is my hope that you start taking those risks, you start understanding that failure is actually one of the biggest parts of living a regret free life and having a life of failure and grace is the only way that you're going to have a life of success. Because we don't get to do the big things and take the big risks without failing big. And we're placing way too much significance on the failure which makes us not live a life. It makes us live a very safe life. Which at the end of your life is what is the biggest regret, is living too safe of a life.

Interesting you say that because I was thinking there's two different personality types. And I think of my brother and I, I am more risk prone. Like I'm not afraid to burn the bridges and have to make it work on the island. And if it doesn't work, then I'll find a way off the island and we'll do it all over again. Nick is very risk adverse. He will take two years to figure out which pair of tennis shoes he's going to buy next. After studying it all, I give those examples because it's very much an ingrained personality type. So the two people listening to this right now, you, the listeners, one of you might hear this, be like, yeah, I'm going to take more risk all in. And you're going to go do something crazy. Someone else is going to hear this and be like, oh my God, this scares the daylight. I can't see myself taking more risk. This is bad advice. So I think the truth is stretch yourself from a risk standpoint from where you are today. If you are already leaning into risk, congratulations, go ahead and swing for the fences. If you do not lean into risk whatsoever, if you're risk adverse, then start to stretch yourself a little bit from where you Are. You don't have to be the crazy person, but you will probably have regrets that you didn't try something or that you didn't do something or that you didn't accomplish something that deep down in your heart, you really wish you would have stepped up to the plate and taken a swing at. Unfortunately, I know a lot of people who have lost parents and grandparents and those kinds of things. And I guess I'm just at the age where I talk about these things with them. And we always inadvertently get on the conversation of, you know, hey, what were your last couple conversations like with them? And so many people have told me that their parents or their grandparents said, you know, I wish I would have done blank. I wish I would have tried blank. I wish I would have done more blank. So, guys, this is your calling. Try more. Expand that risk a little bit. Not silly risk, not stupid risk, but risking what needs to be risked for you to feel like you left it all on the field. That is a life worth living. The highs and the lows of a roller coaster. Nobody goes and waits in line at Six Flags or Disney to get on a roller coaster that just stays level and goes slow and consistent for the next 10 minutes. Nobody wants to be on that ride. Everyone wants to be on the ride that goes up real quick and then your belly sinks when it goes down real quick, and then it has a loop and a turn. That's what people sign up for. That's what people want in life.

I love that example because I believe it is the expectation around the things that we're talking about that you guys are just going to go and schedule these things into your schedule, and you're going to. As they show up on Monday at noon, you're going to be excited about it. Hell, no. You're going to have so much resistance around the life that you are here to live. In fact, Steven Pressfield talks about how the closer you are to your life's purpose, the more resistance you will have around the tasks to accomplish it. So I want to just set the expectation that. I know that even for you, Chris, you had a busy schedule when you would have those appointments with your dad and they would come up and you'd be like, oh, I'm so busy. This is so hard to fit in. And then you'd go into them and be so happy afterwards. So let's first of all just set that expectation and know the life that you wanna live. And the tasks that we're talking about that need to be in your calendar right now. In order to do that, you're gonna have massive resistance around them. But I promise you, when your head hits the pillow at night or when you're in the middle of them, this is the thing that's gonna make you so proud of the things that you're doing and of who you are in the life that you're living. So schedule them in. Take that minute, take that hour to sit and say, what are the things right now that if I had one year left to live, what's the one thing that I would want to do this year? And get that scheduled in to your calendar. So we're so grateful for you guys and we're just always, always loving seeing who's tuning in. So give us a tag and let us know what you got out of this podcast.

Love it. Thank you guys. We always love and appreciate your feedback. Hit us on Instagram Chris W. Harder at Lori Hart, thanks for listening. Love and appreciate you.

See you next week.