How To Be A Happiness Generator And Become A Magnet For Your Desires

If you want friendlier people in your life, you have to first be the generator of it. Just like if you want to feel loved, you have to love somebody first to create a reciprocal emotion for them and have somebody that's worth showing up to love back. And we're back with another episode of He Said, she Said.

We just got back from a walk. You know, every morning we take a walk. Every evening we take a walk. It's like our non negotiable traditions is how Lori and I connect together again.

I actually don't know how people cope with life without walking because I have so many mornings and evenings where I'm like, please, just get me out on a walk.

Right?

For my mental health.

We sort out any problems we have, we celebrate any wins we have. Like, I don't know what we would do without that space.

We are wired to walk and move energy through us. And I think that is when people start to feel really frustrated and stagnant and disconnected from themselves and each other. So I feel like every podcast we do, we should talk about walking advocates.

The idea of walking.

Yeah, we should start a sneaker company.

Okay. But anyhow, so here's where this is all going. We had two women walk by us, and they were the happiest, kindest group ever. Like, they were freaking out over the dogs and so happy to say hi to us. Then just like two minutes ago, there's another group of women, like five of them, walking down and they're like, so happy on top of the world. You can hear it in their voices. And then we walk by a lot of people that are just miserable.

It's an energy. It's so funny. I can literally see when people are radiating happiness. And so this brought up the question when that first group went by, as I said to Chris, I said, what makes people choose to be happy?

Yeah, what causes happiness?

Because from one group to the next, there was no clear reason why one group should have been happier than the next. There are some groups that I'm like, oh, oh, my God. They're so fit and amazing looking and they're not happy. And then another group who maybe doesn't look the same or doesn't have all of what appears to be the easiest reasons to be happy. Maybe they have a big family and there's a toddler crying and they have dogs and there's like, there's just a lot of things going on, and yet they're radiating happiness and they're so kind, despite, like, having all of these different things that they could be thinking about having the chaos that's in their life compared to a single person who's walking past us, who's not happy. So what makes somebody happy? And Chris and I really started to dig into this topic about what makes us happy.

So I think there's a few key things we're going to be able to share with you, and I want to break them down one by one. So the first one is it's what you train yourself to look for. In other words, it's really easy to see all the bad stuff. It truly is. Flip on the news or see someone that cuts you off or, you know, look at the. The amount of work you have. It's really easy to see the bad stuff. But at the same time, no matter how much challenging stuff you have, there's good stuff all around you. Remember on the walk, we were on that one street, I'm like, wait, Lori, stop. Look around. Look how gorgeous everything is. Like, the trees, the homes, this to that. And there are simple things. It's nature, for crying out loud. And that one weird mermaid cutout that we made fun of. But there was so many things that were beautiful around you, despite any challenges that might be going on. And so that first key takeaway is, what have you trained yourself to look for? And can you train yourself to start looking for the good instead of the bad?

I want to just go deeper on that. Not just what are you looking for, but what are you actually giving attention to? Meaning what are you spending time on? Because it is so easy to give attention to the person who was rude to us or. Or to give attention to the person who somehow doesn't even know that we exist and doesn't share the sidewalk with us. Like, these are the things we do every single day. And I can't tell you how many times Chris and I say something afterward, and I'm like, it doesn't actually feel good to say something like, oh, hi to you, too. Or like, wait, what was that?

Hi, do you do?

Hi to you, too.

They said, oh, hi, do you do?

But, you know, they'll pass us and we won't say it to them, but we'll make, like, a negative comment about how rude they were. And that is something that we are giving our attention to. And it actually affects your energy and it affects your day. So if energy is a boomerang, which I believe that it is, even the little things, what are you putting out there? So if someone cuts you off, are you swearing and making sure you drive up to them and Give them an irritated hand gesture. Those are the things that actually boomerang negative energy back to you. Those are the things that take away your allotment of positive energy for the day. They just do.

What would a negative hand gesture be, Laurie?

I'm thinking of flipping someone the bird. But, like, not the actual middle finger. Like, if you've made a bird sign with your hand, that would be really funny.

So the first thing is, you know, can you train yourself to see the good instead of the bad? And what are you giving your attention to? I love that. I think the second thing is, do you have purpose that you appreciate in your life? Now, notice that's a full sentence. Not, do you have purpose? But do you have purpose that you appreciate in your life? I'm going to just put a blanket statement out there. We know how dangerous blanket statements are. But people without purpose are typically unhappy. I know so many people that are like, spoiled, stay at home, you've got everything going for you. Life should be perfect. Individuals that are unhappy because they don't have purpose, or I know plenty of people that have purpose, right? They're working towards something, but they don't appreciate that purpose. They don't appreciate the daily challenges of working towards a goal. They don't appreciate the fact that they have purpose in their life. They don't appreciate that they've been given this really cool mission. So you have to have purpose and appreciate it. And if you have both those things, I think that lends itself towards being a happy person.

You know, I've been there before where I've had a lot of purpose. And instead of focusing on the fact that I have this purpose and learning how to create boundaries so I can appreciate it more, I was in a place of, I mean, honestly, almost wishing it away and being ungrateful for a while. This was quite a few years ago, but I remember it vividly, like, wow, if this is what your dreams come with, I don't know if I want it. And it was because I wasn't taking the time to be so grateful for the challenges that came with the purpose and for the ways that you have to learn how to become a different person with boundaries. I was boundaryless. I literally was kind of just showing up for the day and letting whatever happen and letting whoever treat me the way that I was teaching them to treat me. And appreciating your purpose and learning how to set boundaries around it and learning how to show up for it is one of the most important things that you can do or you'll burn out and you will wish it away.

Yeah. It's funny because we see this purpose that is bringing us somewhere glorious in life. Eventually we see it as a challenge or a burden, and then that creates unhappiness. But if you, A, have purpose and B, appreciation for that purpose, you're going to be happy. Okay, so that's the second one. The third ingredient. Want to call it ingredients, formula, whatever it is, is this. Do you choose to be a happiness generator? So no different than Brendan Burchard, who has more energy than anyone I've ever met. He always says, well, I'm the generator. I generate energy. You don't have energy, you don't get energy. You generate energy. It's the same thing with happiness. Are you a happiness generator? What do I mean by that? Well, are you literally creating it when it doesn't exist? When I wake you up in the morning, Lori, and I say, I'm happier, healthier, wealthier, more fit than I was yesterday, I make you say it back to me. Sometimes you don't seem happy in a moment. But that is part of being a happiness generator. When I roll over and say my prayer real quick, of everything I'm grateful for takes 30 seconds. And that's me being a happiness generator. When I am on our walk that we were just referencing, I'm the first to smile at somebody. I'm the first to say hi, even when they look like someone who doesn't want to be said hi to. And all of a sudden, it never surprises me. They're always like, oh, my gosh, hi. And they get this. They go from a resting bitch face to a great happy expression like, oh, you saw me, hi. And they're so happy to say hi back. So I'm a happiness generator. I choose to generate it when it doesn't already exist. I'm proactive about it.

I love this. And it's like, you know, one out of three is going to be really kind and say hi back to you.

Maybe.

Maybe two out of three. But I'd say one out of three. And the important part of choosing to do this is to not start getting annoyed by it. Like, out of the two that don't say hi. Right. So that's the easy part about choosing happiness, that is. Or that's the part that's challenging about choosing to be happy, is that it's not going to be reflected back everywhere to you. But if you want a happy life with happier people in it, you have to be the generator of it. So if you wish that you had friendlier sales clerks or if you wish that you had friendlier waiters and waitresses and all of the different stewardesses. All of the things I believe they're called flight attendants.

Flight attendants, thank you very much.

If you want friendlier people in your life, you have to first be the generator of it. Just like if you want to feel loved, you have to love somebody first to create a reciprocal emotion for them and and have somebody that's worth showing up to love back. And so I love this choosing to be happy because it is not the easiest thing that I do every single day. When I go on walks and I'm already tired, I don't feel like I want to smile at people, but I wanna set the tone for the day and I muster up whatever I can to every single person that walks by in at least a friendly smile. And when I'm in line and I'm getting my coffee, I say, hi, how are you? How is your day?

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And something that I observed actually, whenever we go to there's a juice place in Arizona.

Shout out to Kaleidoscope, especially the one on Main Street.

I know Ali and Matt First. Ali and Matt Aruta listen to this podcast and they're Kaleidoscope junkies as well. So hi guys. You know exactly what I'm talking about. So the one on First Ave, the Kaleidoscope on First Ave. In Old Town. For anyone who lives there, they always ask this question, Chris, do you know what it is without me even telling you?

Last time I went in there, they said, would it be a red flag if you dated somebody who had a giant pet snake? So I don't know. They're taking a survey.

Oh my God, that is hilarious.

Oh, no. But they always ask us, they say, what are you up to today?

What are you up to?

Yep, every single time.

And they genuine every time. It takes me by surprise and it genuinely feels interested. And I tell them and they're like, oh, that's so cool.

Cool.

And it starts a conversation. What are you up to today? I Want to start using that everywhere I go. Chris, Harder. What are you up to today?

First, it takes you kind of aback by surprise because you're not prepared for that question. You're like, I just want my mint chip.

Right?

And then, how much is it? And then. But also like, what are you up to today? And they say, it was such a smile. You're like, oh, shit, I better answer. And then it turns into just a fun little exchange. Those things matter. That's being a happiness generator.

That's being a happiness generator.

So I want to just, if you're.

Going to use that question, maybe say, up to anything exciting today? Because it's going to make you focus on. And I think they have asked me that several times before.

Semantics matter.

It makes me focus on what could be exciting today. So being a happiness generator, that's all you have to do. And it's not going to come easily. It's not going to come right away. If you're someone who's not already doing this, just choose one moment throughout the day that you're going to do this. Maybe it's your walk, maybe it's when you go and get your coffee. Maybe it's at work, maybe it's with your partner. But then you can expand it throughout your whole day and you will be so shocked what going that little bit of an extra mile actually creates. It takes energy in the beginning, but then you get that back tenfold when this becomes who you are.

Amen. And then I thought of a fourth one, by the way. Fourth one. Is this who you hang around on a regular basis? And this is not breaking news, but we got to mention, it will absolutely affect. Are you a happy person or not? Because if you. I was thinking about that location. They're always happy there because they're all happiness generators. So they rub off on each other. There's other locations of that same business where I don't feel like they're as happy when I go there. And so it's not the business, it's not the hiring practice. It's clearly who you're surrounded by. And if you're surrounded by people, friends, family, coworkers, that see the world as a challenging place, you will see the world as a challenging place. If you are surrounded by people that see the world as a negative place, you will see the world as a negative place. But if you are surrounded by people who see the world as opportunity, who see the world as beautiful, who see the world as this really cool thing that we get to participate in, then you too, will see the world as a happy place that we get to participate in. And so you have to be diligent. You have to be absolutely strict about who you hang around and who you don't.

I love that. All right, you guys, we are so grateful for you always. We love seeing who listens to this podcast. And Kris, I feel like you always have somewhere to direct them.

I got an awesome place to direct you guys. We decided that we are going to do one last roundtable for this year. Something that started as a one time thing that took on a life of its own. It's going to be in early November and it's going to be called the 2024 Planning Roundtable. In other words, we, meaning myself and everybody else who is in that room, the other talented entrepreneurs in that room, are going to all pitch in to help you dial in your 2024 goals and your 2024. Wait, did I say 2021 before? I think I did. That's hilarious. 2024 goals and your 2024 planning. So if you want help with that from myself and from the other talented entrepreneurs in that room, just text us the word roundtable to 310-421-0416. Again, limited seats. There's 15 people max. If you want to be one of those 15 for the 2024 planning session, text us the word roundtable to 310-421-0416.

And you might just go back in time travel in 2021.

I think I did say that. That's hilarious. All right, love and appreciate you guys always.

We will see you next time.

Sam.