How To Be Seen By The World As Your Most Authentic Self | Living Room Session With Jen Gottlieb, Author, Speaker & Entrepreneur

We can't build a brand online and build an audience that we absolutely love and a business that we're so excited to share to the world with if we're not tapped into who we truly are and we're not being seen as our most authentic selves.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Earn your Happy podcast. This episode is so much fun because it is a live Living Room session. If you have not tuned into one of these before, they are actually my favorite episodes that I get to do because they are in person, in front of a studio audience and it just brings out like a different part of our personalities. And when I say our. I am recording this episode that you're about to listen to with my friend Jen Gottlieb and Lindsay Schwartz. It also just happens to be Jen Gottlieb's big book release for Be Seen. And this is one of my favorite living Room sessions because the topic is so near and dear to my heart. And I know it's gonna be a big one for you guys because if you have big dreams, that means that you have to be seen. And so this book is all about how to be seen when not to be seen, how to get yourself out there more, how to be yourself more authentically. And then all of the feedback fears that rise up when you think about really getting out there. And let me tell you, Jen has some of the best advice on this because she is out there in a big bad way and it's literally what her company has helped people do for years and years. So you guys, I want to introduce my friend, Jen Gottlieb, who was our special special guest at this Living Room session. She is an amazing entrepreneur, an international speaker who has literally been speaking on stages everywhere this year and last year. She's the host of the I Dare youe podcast and the co founder of Super Connector Media. She is an award winning training events and online education company and she has a successful five year stint as a VH1 host and coach career as a Broadway actress. You guys, the stories from these are insane. You're absolutely going to love them. So let's get into the show.

Hey, buddy.

This is so cool.

She speaks in rooms of like 2,000 people.

But this a dream.

This is even better.

This one's kind of fun, right?

It's like next level.

It's like we're in our like living room.

That's right.

Or teenage bedroom. But everybody looks way better. Everybody better.

Way better. Everyone's so pretty.

Lindsay and I just showed a picture to Jen of When we first, like, spoke together somewhere, and she was like.

Oh, look how cute you guys are.

When you hear jumpsuits.

We look like we were going off to a babysitting gig afterwards.

We really did. You did.

So we're so excited to be here tonight. Do I even need to say anything for you guys to get what this means and how important this is? So be seen, Jen. I'm going to kind of just have you kick it off with what that even means, because being seen, I know tonight when we were talking about the topic, it was about all of these women in here, all of us, all of us who are. We're just on this trajectory. We're on this growth path. And what does it look like to move out from the middle of the pack out into the world to share your gifts and to say, I'm here. What is that?

When I talk about being seen, it goes so much, so much further than building a brand and being visible online. Because you can't. I mean, we know this from personal experience that we can't build a brand online and build an audience that we absolutely love and a business that we're so excited to share to the world with if we're not tapped into who we truly are and we're not being seen as our most authentic selves. Because being somebody else and trying to put on the perfect Instagram live or make the perfect post, that's like, something that everybody would love and something that we envision that we would look like if we were the perfect person for this person or that person. And this person is going to be really exhausting to keep up with. I know, because I did that for a really long time. And that's what the whole beginning of the book is about, of me having to have that moment where I'm like, who the hell am I? And it wasn't until I started really, truly understanding, like, who am I? And what life do I really want to live? And what type of people do I really want to be around? And how long have I been living my life based on all of these shoulds or presenting myself based on all the shoulds? Right. Maybe it was what my family wanted. You should really do this. You should dress this way, you should act this way, you should date these type of people, you should hang out with these type of groups of people, and you should be living your life this certain way. And then before I knew it, I woke up and I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, I built this life and this brand and this community based on what other people wanted and what I started to find After I took all that down and tore it completely down, and it kind of just like, imploded very dramatically. And I started having to be seen as real Jen and tapping back into her and figuring out who she was and just allowing my mess to be out there and allowing the real me to show up, like, loud and weird. We were just making weird noises back there, and we're like, we're weird before we go on stage. Just being exactly who I am. That's what's connected me to amazing people where I can truly be myself that lift me up. It's what's connected me to an audience. It's what connected me to my husband and my business partner. It's what consistently grows my business and help me produce a book and speak on stages and do all these things that I never imagined that I could ever do. But it wasn't about being really strategic about what I wanted to be seen as necessarily. It was tapping back into seeing me. So being seen starts with seeing you for exactly as you are and allowing the world to see that person. And then it feels easy and fun. So that I wrote that book for you all. Like, specifically, I thought about you, you ladies. You were my avatar. I spoke to you while writing this book. So after, I want you to leave this specific living room session, and I want you to really think about, like, who is the real me and how can I start being seen as that person. Whether it's online or whether it's just with your family and your friends and your community and your girlfriends, just start allowing that to flow and see what you attract because you. You attract what you are.

I love that. Lindsay, tell me a time when you have felt like you put your stake in the ground and decided to start moving, like, outside of your comfort zone and really decided to say, hey, I'm here. And I know that there's a million of these moments. So we were even in the back trying to figure out, like, was there a specific moment that we feel like we. Like, that was it. That's when it was like, oh, I'm here. I've arrived. And we could never. None of us could nail down one. It's like, it. There's so many of those little moments where you just keep growing and we're still so in it, where it's like, we're still growing so much. It's crazy. Bring us back to when you first started to say, I'm going to put myself out there.

I wasn't Ready to claim it yet. But I knew that I had to do something different because I knew that what I was doing wasn't working because I felt so, like, restless inside. I don't know if any of you are at that point right now or you've been at that point where you're just like, I just know there's more. And I know I'm the only thing that's in the way of that. More.

Yes, you're speaking to me.

And I didn't realize at the time what I was doing, because I even think back. For me, the moment is when I wrote my first book, I did that first event. I didn't do it to be seen. I did it to shake out of my comfort zone, to shake out of, like, this walking coma that I was in, that I was just doing the same things and pursuing the same goals and just wondering why I wasn't being discovered and wanting something different and wondering why, like, working. You know, I was in the mall and no one was discovering me. Like, excuse me. Tyra Banks walks up and she's like, I just remember. That was internally how I felt. Like, why isn't anyone noticing? I feel like I'm doing all the right things, but I'm not getting the kind of recognition that I want. But really, I was just playing small. I was staying in my comfort zone. I was trying to stay safe. And when I decided to write my first book, this was in 2016, it published in 2017, I did it. And I think this is so important. I did it not to be seen. I did it to prove something to myself. Because what I needed to repair and the part of me that I like. When you talk about finding your authentic self, the reason I don't think I was even ready to be seen is I wasn't the person who knew myself as someone that I could trust. When I said I was gonna do something, I would do it. I didn't trust myself, which meant I didn't love myself at the depths that I could. And I don't actually think I was ready to be seen more because I was very susceptible to criticism at that point. I was very susceptible to people pleasing because I was just in such a state of not having any credibility with myself. So it was this journey of, yes, doing the things that people probably look back and they're like, oh, your event started to put you on the map, or these other things you were doing. But it was actually such a more internal journey of me seeing myself but becoming the version of me that I Was present, proud to have seen.

I love that you just weren't smizing enough.

It wasn't smizing enough. I'd practice it in the mirror, but.

It was always my dream for someone to discover me in the mall.

In the mall.

I know.

I was at the limited to praying that when I tried on my rainbow crop top, someone would say, you, you. You are meant to be a star. Come with me every day. That was my dream. Never happened.

I don't think Tyro's hanging out in Bay Park Square mall in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

She certainly wasn't.

That was my m. That's fine. She. Yeah.

Did any of you go to those modeling things ever that, like, to your mom, and they're like, come to this model search. Okay, I won't tell you that I did that either.

No, I wanted to.

My mom wouldn't let me.

My parents were just like, okay, go for it. But you're gonna be disappointed.

Great.

Thanks, guys. Okay, so we'll talk about childhood trauma later. But how about you? When was the moment for you? Not the moment, because we said there isn't a moment, but when was the first time that you're like, I'm gonna do something that's gonna hopefully move me out from the middle of the pack.

Okay. The story that's coming to me is a story in the book that is something that was the biggest face plant in public that I think one of them that I've ever had in my entire life that ended up birthing something magical in our business and really showed me, like, my superpower and what I'm really good at. So many of you know, maybe you don't. Maybe some of you don't know who the hell I am. My business partner is my husband, Chris Winfield. And when I met him, he had the business. It was his business. And he was doing these events called Unfair Advantage Live, where he would connect entrepreneurs to the media. And it was like, a hundred people and Chris and a screen, and that was it. It was a pretty small, like, business conference, but really, like, really powerful and amazing. And I would go as his girlfriend, and I would sit in the front row, and I'd be like. I'm like, this is so cool. And I used to be an actress, so I was starting to see people on stage speaking, like, I could do this. This is interesting. This was the first time that I ever started to experience wow. There's a thing called, like, motivational speaking or, like, teaching on stage. This is something that I'm. I'm feeling really connected. To. But I was just like, the girlfriend that would support him. And Chris and I, maybe a few years later, started to become partners in the business. It just kind of started, sort of like, morphed together where I was going with him everywhere, and I was selling for him, and we were creating products together. And we're like, what if we took this and we built it into something bigger? And we made that decision to become business partners. He was still doing Unfair Advantage Live, so it was my turn to come and co host Unfair Advantage Live with him for the first time. Let me tell you, Imposter syndrome. Not feeling good enough. Being absolute. Like, every symptom of fear that I talk about in the book, I talk about the six symptoms of fear. Perfectionism, comparisonitis analysis, paralysis. All of the symptoms screaming at me because my boyfriend was the face of this company and everyone was there to see him. And I was the girlfriend. Like, who the hell am I? I had never spoken on a stage before. I'd never done anything like that. I was always a character, an actress. So I was completely unconfident. And if you look at the photos from this first event that I did, I'm standing, like, four feet behind him every time we're on stage like this, like, waiting for him. I don't know if you know the story. Waiting for him to talk, to see if it was okay for me to talk. And it was. I look back and I'm like, wow, I really needed to have this experience in order to learn and in order to prove to myself that I can get through those uncomfortable moments and move to the other side. And everything that I've created as a speaker now had to have started from me sucking. So the point in this event when we actually made money was when we sold the backend offer, which was a really awesome program to be able to work with our company to get yourself in the media. So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do this sales pitch. How hard could it be? I'm gonna pitch from. I didn't know that it was a whole. Like, it's a strategy that you need to know. It is a thing people study for years to learn how to sell from stage. And I'm like, I'll just do it. Whatever. How hard can it be? You know, I'll read the slides. Okay. Been on stage my whole life. I know how to do this. But I should have known when I got up on that stage how petrified I was, how hard this was really going to be. But I didn't and I got on stage to do this pitch and everything was riding on me. Everything was riding on this event.

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And so I got up there and I bombed. When I'm telling you I bombed. You know when you're sitting and you're watching a comedian and they're bombing and everybody feels really bad for them? I tripped over my shoe. I didn't know what the offer was. I didn't know how much it was. I messed up with the slides and this is how bad it was. Behind me was all these gift bags. And the whole thing was like, whenever, when you want to join the program, everybody come up and grab your gift bag. And it was going to be this huge celebration where everybody bum rushed the stage and grabbed their gift bag. And that was the moment we were waiting for. And the end of the pitch comes and I'm like, okay, everybody come grab your gift bag. Nobody moved, Nobody. Nobody stood up. Not a single person. I look at my boyfriend who I'm trying to impress, like I couldn't have done, you know, he is like, everybody on our team is mortified. I'm the tears. I just proved myself right, that I am not good enough, that I am an imposter, that I don't belong on this stage. All of my limiting beliefs are coming to the surface. So after this moment, we all. Everyone goes to lunch. Okay. It's terrible. We haven't made one sale. I've ruined my boyfriend's event at this point, our event. I go in the green room and I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, okay, Jenny, you have two options. You can either leave, which sounded really nice at that moment. Yeah, really leave and don't come back, or you can figure out a way to salvage this. And I don't know how I was able to do this in that moment, but I just thought back to what would real Jen do? Like, what would I do? What is the thing that I know that I'm really good at, that I can do right now to make this better? Because I'm Not Chris. I'm me, so what can I do? And at that point in our events, there were no music or dancing. There was just, like, a DJ in the back that would play background music. So I go up to the DJ when lunch is ending, and I'm like, I want you to play this song really, really loud. When we get back, I just want you to blast it, play it loud, and play it the whole way through. And he looks at me after seeing me bomb on stage, and he was like, okay. Like, sure. Like I had no credibility at that point. He's like, all right, fine. So we all come back from lunch, and I'm like. I grab the mic and I'm like, okay, cue the music. And he starts playing the Justin Timberlake song, Can't Stop the Feeling. I got this feeling inside my bones, you guys. All right, so I'm like, everybody, get on your feet.

Let's go.

And I initiate a dance party, because me, I dance and I move and I have fun. And that's who Jen is. And that's, like one of my superpowers. I'm a performer. So all of a sudden, the entire room gets on their feet. People get on the tables, they're on the chairs. People are taking their clothes off. I'm not even kidding you. Swinging them in the air. The whole room, the energy shifts. Everyone's losing their minds. People are bum rushing the stage. The event is saved, the energy is transformed, and I'm having a blast. And I'm sitting there in that moment, and I was like, this is what sales is selling from my heart. So after that, we ended up making seven figures at that event. I saved the day from that. But here's what really came out of that. Now we always do dance parties at our events. If you ever come to an event, whether it's virtual or in person, there is dance parties. No matter what, it's become a staple because that's part of who I am. And after bombing like that, I said to Chris and my entire team and myself, I am going to study how to become the greatest salesperson from stage ever of all time. And I made it my goal. That failure turned into such a great gift because now it forced me to have to learn the thing that I lacked. So not only was I revisiting who am I really and how can I use my superpower to change this energy and to shift this and to make it special and unique to me and allow myself to be seen as who I really am, which is dance party. That's me. And that was the key. And then it also taught me, hey, work your ass off and prepare and actually learn from your mistakes. And sometimes what you really want to create comes from putting in the time, putting in the energy, putting in the effort, and then sprinkling the unis. That is you on top of it.

Oh, so good. Oh, my gosh.

So what's yours? Do you have one?

I'm thinking about the first time I did an event, which I'm excited to chat about your events in just a second, too. The first time that I decided to do Bliss Project, I think some people were. Jess, were you at that first one?

I was there. Remember? You wore bootlegging.

You were at many of them.

I know.

I'm trying to think, okay, but. But that, for me, was such a leap. That was such a moment for me, where you guys. This was now probably 10 years ago now. And so I wasn't seeing other women doing events. There weren't really women doing big events yet. And so I went to a Jack Canfield event. I went to a Tony Robbins event. I went to all these men's events to be like, I'm gonna try to put on this women's event, and what is this gonna look like? And it was three days long. And I just remember deciding to do it. You know when you're like, yes, I'm gonna do it. But then all of a sudden, you're doing it and the money's down, and you realize it then you're so stressed out, and you're waking up at night, and you're so freaked out, and all of a sudden, nothing that you say is good enough, and you're super dumb, and you're not smart enough. And I'm like, you guys, I was trying to learn how to give people science formulations about, like. I was, like, trying to learn all these quantum physics, and I'm like, I need to know everything. Except I was, like, terrible at it, because that's not who I am. And so I was trying to be someone else so hard before that event that I got so freaked out. And I was so in my head that I hired someone to help me put together slides of what I should say. So I hired this person. I spend a ton of money. I don't know if I've ever told you this.

I don't know this story.

No, I spend a ton of money. We spend, like, a week on all of these slides. I have my slides for three days worth of content, you guys. I had speakers sprinkled in there two Days before the event, my assistant had them, and she called me, and her computer crashed, and all the slides were gone. Two days before my event. Do you think that's God, or do you think that's God? Because I was about to go up there and try to teach quantum physics to people.

I was like, I don't remember that part of the event. I was there.

I was like, what was I doing?

And so that's the whole point of, like, I had to figure out who Lori was in two days and what that looked like on stage. Unfortunately, somehow she wore cardigans the whole time.

I think you were like, us.

No, it was, like, a cute outfit. Then I got cold, and I put on weird big cardigans. And all the photos are of me and big cardigans. And I'm like, never again. That's it. So that was a learning lesson as well. But that really, it's almost like if you're not being yourself, you guys, something's gonna force you to be yourself, and it's not gonna be a super fun lesson in the way that it's going to be delivered if you're not choosing to be yourself. So you don't have to learn it that way, you can actually say, what would this look like if it was me? Like, you know, I look at amazing women on stage all the time. I look at when Jen is giving these keynotes across the world right now, and I can sit back and admire her for her and say, that's not how I could be, but I could be that version. But me. And so when we can say that and start to learn to do that, Your version, you guys, I have to let you in on a secret. Like, it's even better. Like, it's just so good. And I can't wait for you to be able to, like, unleash that and figure out what it is. But it's going to be super wonky at first. Like, my first three or four events, I didn't feel fully like me at all. Maybe my first five or six, actually. But, like, a little bit more comes out every single time. And so that would probably be the first one that I really said, I'm going to put my stake in the ground and be seen. And I think when you do that, it is a contractual promise with the universe or God. And so if you're saying you want to be seen, I would choose to be seen for yourself from the start than having to learn the hard way. So, Linds, for you, I know that, you know, you just came off of an amazing event. It gets better every single year. Incredible powerhouse. So for you, I want you to kind of share from the journey of the beginning till now, because I think people see people who put on events or, like, who are out there or who write a book or who have a podcast, and they're like, they did the thing and they're just out there and people see them and they recognize them and people notice them now. And it's Lindsay. Like, everybody knows who that is. But tell me about what that real experience was and felt like.

Well, it's funny because Taylor's here tonight. One of, like, my OG believed in the vision. I remember we had these, like, matching fry yay shirts, and we. It's what we talk about today. Like, find the people who are willing to pour life into your vision. And. And she was launching her yoga certification. I was just planning this little event that I had no idea what I was doing, and. But I just kept following that thought, feeling that something was going to transform for me on the other side. And when I talk about how, I mean, initially I thought maybe I could have it in someone's living room. I was thinking the first powerhouse event would be about this size, except in an actual living room, because I was, like, balling on a budget. Then I figured out I could actually afford a hotel if I sold enough tickets. But Taylor's mom literally made my first website.

This is amazing.

I didn't have a logo. I mean, I was just figuring it out as I went. But the vision was so clear. And the vision really was inspired by launching the first book that I had no qualifications doing. I really wasn't a writer. I had a lot of evidence for why that was the last thing I should be pursuing. But the day that the book launched was a transformational day for me because I saw all these women and men in my life. But a lot of women around me show up for something that I had done, and they were so excited, excited about it. And I realized I had done it backward. I wrote the book in secret, didn't ask for help, didn't share with many people around me. And then it made me realize, wow, for all of us, if we knew we had a community around us as we were pursuing these big things, as we were pivoting and figuring things out in our businesses, maybe we wouldn't get stuck in our own way as frequently or we wouldn't stay stuck for as long. And I just thought, what would it look like to have that conversation in a room? And what would it look like to make this community that had already started to really resonate with the message of the book. Have them meet each other and just see what happens. And when that first event took place, I remember being really proud. I remember it felt so good. I remember I didn't know what the hell I was doing. So I forgot to get volunteers to help people check in. So I had my speakers do it. I was like, hey, guys. So all hands on deck. My husband Elliot was there, and his one request was if he could wear a security shirt, because he always just. That was like a lifelong dream, and who was I to crush it? And then people came up to me and said, you, security guard is drinking. But I just remember being so. Just willing to follow this vision. And even if I didn't know exactly where it was going to go, I had no plan for it to evolve into what it is today. But I was just talking with Sam today, my beautiful mentor for this season, about how I think the early part of my journey was really fueled by. I don't see the full path, and I don't need to. I don't need to see it. Because I think had someone showed me this version, there's a part of me that would have been really inspired, But I would have felt like, no, there's no way. There's no way I could have a room of 600 people and have that stage presence and feel that comfortable gathering women like that, or have this successful business or sell from stage, which is now one of my favorite parts to do. So I think it's important to realize that sometimes if we aren't being given, like, the full, full vision, usually we're given enough to get us to take the next step and then the next, and then the next. And now I'm at a point, and Sam challenged me on this today. She's like, yeah, I think you're ready to see a little bit further. Be honest or start talking about, like, what the big vision. Because it's starting to become clearer. But I'm seven years in, and this year's event was a tipping point. I felt it. And like, when we talk about being seen or being noticed, I've never really been worried about when people see me or if they will. The people who need to see me have seen me all along. But all of a sudden, it's like, you're the girl who does that event. Oh, we want to be a part of this. I want to speak on your stage. I turned down a major speaker who came to me asking to speak at the event, two weeks before the event, a big one that I just did. We didn't have space for. For this year, but all of a sudden, it's taking on a life of its own. But I think the point I want to remind my former self and all of you is that was never the goal. I was focused on following the next thing that stretched me, because as I've grown, as I've become more willing to be seen, more ready to be seen, the rest just kind of follows in weird ways. And that's, I think, the biggest lesson that I've learned is I was focusing before on thinking that when I got the validation, then I would feel some type of way. But when I just focused on validating myself, feeling really whole within myself, really proud of myself. The rest has come in surprising ways. Things I never even thought to put on vision boards. I mean, this. These friendships, these opportunities that I'm getting right now have never been on a vision board, because I wasn't even dreaming that big. I've just been focused on, okay, what's the next thing that kind of makes me want to puke? That's usually where all the best growth lies.

It always is.

What's the thing that makes me feel so unqualified right now? And what's waiting for me on the other side of that thing?

I love that. I love the way that your journey has played out in terms of, you know, you did that for seven years, and I did Bliss project for eight. I think we did eight or nine different Bliss projects, and it wasn't until like, seven that I feel like people started to go, oh, oh, yeah. Do you want to. We were talking about this. Do you want to come on this podcast? Do you want to do this thing? So I think when we get started, we think like, hey, I did this thing. I should, like, be out there now. People should see me. They should recognize me. They should know it. I did this big thing.

Look, look, look.

Like, truly, when you do a big event, you feel. See, I was a little opposite of Lindsay. I was like, no, see who sees me?

Who's looking?

Were they looking?

I was like, don't look.

Don't look at me. I was very opposite of that. So it's just knowing that when you let go of that and when you follow what you feel would be fun and what is your edge? And you keep showing up because, you guys, this is like, yes, it's what we want to be. We want these certain, like, friendships, and we want to be on these certain stages. But if you don't fall in love with the actual journey to that stage, you're going to be so sorely disappointed and you kind of remain in that desperate energy that I was in that actually pushes people away and pushes things away. There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be one of them for you. And when you want more, when you're starting a business, you need Northwest Registered Agent because you get access to thousands of free guides, tools and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. And it's all in one place. You can build your complete business identity with Northwest today. Northwest Registered Agent has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow business for nearly 30 years. They're the largest registered agent and LLC service in the US with over 1500 corporate guides. Real people who know your local laws and can help you and your business every step of the way. You can sign up for free account to begin managing your business hub with lawyer, drafted operating agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership certificates, bills of sale, and more at no cost. Northwest makes life easy for business owners. They don't just help you form your business, they give you the free tools you need after you form it, like operating agreements, meeting minutes and thousands of how to guides that explain the complicated ins and outs of running a business. And let me tell you, this is life changing because I had no idea how much went into this. So don't wait. Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business Identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit www.northwestregisteredagent.com Earn free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent at www.northregisteredagent.com forward/ear free. Too many people finish their workday feeling frustrated, drained and unfulfilled. I know that. I have experienced that myself. And the good news is it doesn't have to to be this way and you don't need a new job to fix it. Patrick Lencioni, author of the Five Dysfunctions of a Team and more than a dozen other bestsellers, created the Working Genius assessment to help you pinpoint the kind of work that gives you energy, the kind that lights you up, and it also shares the kind that drains it. So over a million people, including me, have taken it and completely changed how I lead and show up every day. If you're a CEO, an entrepreneur, or someone who just wants to level up in business and in life, Working Genius is going to give you the clarity and confidence to operate in your strengths and find Greater joy in what you do. Because confidence isn't pretending to be good at everything. It's knowing where you're truly gifted. Take the working genius assessment today and get 20% off with code earn@working genius.com. that's working genius dot com. You'll be glad you did it. So, Jen, for you, tell me a little bit just about the path because I feel like, honestly, we're in your, like, coming out year. Like, I feel like truly, I just feel like the world is noticing and seeing. What did that look like, though, for you?

It looked really, really messy in the beginning. And when you guys were talking, I was just thinking about how I know that I used to do this and I still do it every once in a while. And I talk to a lot of people who do it. We compare our beginning, our chapter one, to other people's finished product or their chapter 20 where they've been doing their events six, seven times or their podcast for six years. And we just start our podcast and we're like, I did one episode and no one listened. Why now I'm not going to do any more of them. Right? Like, this is hard.

This sucks.

Because we're comparing it to somebody else's highlight reel or their finished product. And that's okay because people have, most people that have become successful, we don't see the behind the scenes, step by step process that got them there. We don't see all the failures, we don't see all the face plants. We don't see. See all of the horrible videos and the horrible reels because we're just not paying attention yet. And we actually get to see somebody in their full experience of where they're at at that moment. Because that's just the way that the world works now with social media. We showcase our best events. That's okay. That's what it's for. However, if you came along my journey and in the book I share it and my friends and I always joke. I have an ongoing joke with one of my friends that was along the journey with me. If I were to hand in a resume to like an actual job with all the things that I've done in my life, they would be like, is this 80 people? Is this like, how does this make any sense? If you would have told me back when I was a Hooters waitress, we talked about this Hooters waitress. We both were.

We discussed our Hooters waitress.

Hooters waitresses.

Another hooty hooty hidey ho Hooty hooty Howdy ho. What do you say? No, what do you know?

Our Hooters didn't sing that song, but I'm into it.

Never mind that.

She's like, that was the Michigan location.

Yeah, I guess so.

Wisconsin.

I was Fort Lauderdale Hooters.

Yeah.

But back when I was that, or then when I was a personal trainer or when I was on a show on VH1 about heavy metal music, or when I was traveling with a Broadway show, or when I was a starving actress living in New York City in a tiny 8 foot by 8 foot room with a bunk bed with a roommate who I think was dealing drugs on the side and running around, like, all of the different iterations of my life, all the things that I've done, having a PR agency and selling it and having a personal training company and all of them. Like, if you would have looked at it, looking forward and tell me that I was going to be what I am now, writing a book about all of it. Speaking, being in this room with you two, being friends with you. She was my mentor in my head for years. I didn't know. I didn't know Lori in real life. I would listen to her podcast all day, every day, walking around. One day I'll meet Lori and what would I say to her? She'll be my friend one day. Like, seriously. And I would tell you that that is crazy. That's not gonna happen. And that's why I love that you shared a little bit of your story, that it was just one action step at a time. I didn't see the whole vision. I always thought that my journey was going to be, I'm gonna be an actress. I thought that was the purpose. And at the end of the book I tell this story is really one of my favorite stories in the book. My whole life growing up, my dad's been my biggest fan, like, always in the front row of every single show. I was in, like six. Sitting on the floor with flowers in his arms, like, watching me, you know, Jenny, you're going to be on Broadway one day. You're going to be famous. I know it. Always cheering me on since. Since I was four, singing and dancing in the living room and him videoing me. And my dad's been on this journey with me, so hours on the phone. I didn't get the part, Dad. I didn't get it. Like, I'm single, I'm lonely. I'm trying to build this business. Can you help? Like, all of. All of the shit, right? All of it. He was there the whole way. And my dad now has multiple sclerosis. So what's really crazy is that my entire journey, I thought that my goal and my purpose in this life was to be an actress and say other people's lines on stages, wait for somebody else to choose me, wait for someone else to say, you're good enough to speak, sing and dance on the stage, and sing my songs and say my words. But my journey led me to something so much better. Now I get to pick my own words, and I get to speak on stage and perform and use all the gifts that I got to work on when I was younger to do something that is so much more fulfilling for me. And my dad's never been able to travel to come to any of my shows now because he can't travel. So just last year, I was invited to speak in Fort Lauderdale, where my dad lives. And he was like, I don't care how far I have to walk with my cane in that casino, I'm going to get my butt to see you speak and sit in the front row. And this was a real estate event, so it was the bro iest event that you'll ever see in your life. And I love speaking at super bro y events. I love bringing Real Jen to events like this and making these guys see something a little differently. And so my dad's sitting in the front row, and I have all of these real estate investors standing up and visualizing their perfect day. And they're doing it, and my dad is crying, and I'm looking at my dad and I'm having this moment. And it was like a flashback to when I was 8, and I was singing and dancing on stage, thinking, nothing is better than this. And I was like, wait, this is what it was all for. And my dad and I got in the car on the way back, and he looks at me, he's like, jenny, it all makes sense now. This is what you were supposed to do the whole time. But we had to get through all that stuff in order to get to this moment. So my favorite quote in the whole world is the Steve Jobs quote. You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. You have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You don't necessarily know. Lyns didn't know she was going to be doing this. She just took one action step at a time. I just took one action step that made me want to puke. One extra step at a time. I didn't know why I was doing any of the things I didn't know why I was on this crazy TV show pretending to be somebody that I wasn't. But apparently it was because I was supposed to tell the story to women like you to help you realize who you really are and find that and shine and be seen as that person and not dress up as a character version of yourself for the rest of your life. It always makes sense. And I believe that. I was pacing the streets, listening to Lori harder because I was preparing to be the best friend that I ever could be to her.

And she is.

I'll never forget when you came up to me, you were, like, excited to meet me, and I was like, I'm excited to meet you.

I was so nervous.

How does this work?

Can we be friends?

That is so amazing and so special. And also, you. You know, we're talking a lot about being our authentic selves and wanting to be seen. Except when you're thinking about it, how do we figure it out? Because I know that I'm on this journey every single day of, hey, I wanna show up even more on social media right now. I wanna show up even more on my podcast. But what does that look like for me? And it's scary when I start to make those decisions, like, oh, I'm gonna be myself for one minute. And then I find I'm apologizing on the podcast for being myself. I'm like, that's not what people who are being themselves do. So how has it looked for you guys? What journey are you on right now of trying to even figure out how to show that even more?

It's just an everyday thing. And my journey has been kind of slow. I feel I've just always had, like, a concern for not just what other people thought of me. It was like, is everybody okay with this version of me? It's not making anybody feel uncomfortable, not making anyone feel less than. Which makes sense, Right? Because if you think about, like, in our world, it's kind of been demonized. Like, if you live this really big life, it. You know, it comes at the cost of other people's happiness, especially with women. Yeah. And I've had to just really learn how to use the tools that I have developed. And, you know, a lot of it is just. I spend a lot of time in my own energy. I've realized, like, I really require a lot of alone time, a lot of time just tapping into, like, well, what is inspiring me, what feels like it just lights every cell of my body on, like, up like a Christmas tree. Like, what are the things that I love that I've abandoned because a lot of that and I resonated so much when you were talking about not realizing that for a lot of my 20s and even into my 30s, I'll be 40 this year. And I think I noticed it when I turned 30. Just like a layer of that coming off and I feel it now as I get closer to 40, another layer coming off. But I also wouldn't trade the rest of it for anything because I think it helps me speak to the people who I want to serve. That I spent a lot of time not realizing that every decision I was making was being run through this question of who do I need to be so that you like me and also so that I don't trigger anything in you. And also that I don't shine too bright. But then inside I was dying because I've always just known from a little kid I've just known that I'm special. I just know that there is a big purpose for my life. Even growing up in Green Bay, Wisconsin, I just always wanted to get the best grades and I just wanted to achieve things. And it came from this very beautiful place of just knowing that that's what I was supposed to do. It wasn't placed on me by anyone else. And I'm still like very quietly tiptoeing into whatever this today's current self expression fullest self expression is. And it hasn't been easy but I've had to look at where am I blocking myself? What does it feel like physically in my body when I'm not myself? Because now I can really feel the difference when I'm asking myself. I'm like speaking at a very different event next week week. And I was having this thought in my mind about the kind of outfit I should wear versus what I just want to wear.

Right, Exactly.

And I caught it right in that moment. I caught it. So I feel like it's these micro decisions of noticing. For me it's really helped me to notice. My physical body responds differently when I'm feeling as though I'm self expressed versus when I'm not. When I'm feeling suppressed. We'll just call it. And reintroducing a lot of things that I love. I'm doing a weekly dance class. I've talked a lot about that. I'm going back to the things that I loved as a kid when I felt really self expressed before I started to learn. Oh, when I show up like that or when I do take the lead, I notice this person feel a type of way about that. So maybe that's not safe. So I just kind of have gone back to like, where were those roots where I felt like the most self expressed version of me? How can I bring that into like my grownup life right now? And then starting to really hone the skill of noticing where I feel like I'm running things through that old pattern of who do I need to be so that insert whatever I want to avoid or whatever I want to have happen. Like I want someone to like me. I want to avoid triggering them and noticing where, when you tap into it, like when you feel the real you, you cannot get over that feeling.

Yeah, you're hooked. Once you allow yourself to experience that a couple times, you're kind of like, oh, we can't go back now. What do we do? Our life doesn't match this. This sucks.

And when you find the people who you can be that version of yourself around, we can be equally fashion forward and really freaking weird. And I remember the first time Lori ever came and stayed at my house. She told like a really inappropriate joke, like something that I was like, she doesn't know me that well, but she just told that joke. I remember saying to Elliot that night, I was like, yeah, I like her. This friendship is gonna last.

The problem is Elliot makes me feel like I could tell those jokes. And I was like, maybe she cares. Oh, no. Then we were fine, then we're good.

But when you find the people that you can consistently show up as that version of yourself, it took a while to find them. It becomes easier and easier.

Jen, how about you? How did you discover how to be more of yourself? And how are you practicing it now?

Well, I'm going to give you guys a really actionable strategy to do what she was just talking about because it's, it's been really, really fun for me to explore this. And when I had the breakdown moment that led to the biggest shift of my life when everything pretty much crumbled, I lost everything. I lost the TV show, the guy that I thought I was going to marry left me for one of our friends. And I found my. Yeah, fun.

I know.

Found myself like living in this tiny little room with six other actors and I had like a window that faced a brick wall and I didn't know who the hell I was anymore because I had spent years of my life pretending to be somebody that I wasn't. And I wish that I could tell you that I like immediately transformed and knew I need to tap back into real Jen Like, I know I need to find my real self. I didn't immediately. It was a really big process. I actually spiraled way deeper. It's all in the book. And I had to really, really dive deep. And it started from my mom actually giving me this book called you Can Heal youl Life by Louise Hay. And she is very into personal development and very into spirituality. And I was not. And she knew I wasn't gonna read the book. So she photocopied one of the affirmations in the book, and she put it inside, and on the back of the photocopy, it said, jenny, I hope you find yourself again. So in that moment, I was like, all right, I'm not gonna read this stupid book, but I can take this affirmation and I can read this thing every single day, and that's all I'm going to do. This was my one commitment that I made to myself. So I was as dark as it could be. I was as, like, feeling as hopeless and as helpless as I could possibly be in my life. And I was like, I'm just going to read this every day. And I truly believe that confidence is built from consistently sticking with commitments. And I don't care if it's reading an affirmation or going to the gym or calling your friend or texting someone or writing a gratitude list. I made that commitment to read that affirmation every single day. And that's the thing. Sticking to that commitment and getting that little dopamine hit. Well, I did the thing I said I was going to do. Okay, I can go out. Oh, I can find a podcast and listen to it. Oh, I can go to Barnes and Noble and read a book. Oh, I can start to explore personal growth and self help. And I became a student of personal development. And I started to realize that the little girl that I used to be was not anything close to the person that I was portraying in my life. She was loud and proud and unapologetic. And if you came over when I was five years old, I would have probably made you sit down and watch me do a show on top of a table. You would have to watch and you would have to applaud, and it would probably go on for more than two hours. And you might hate me, but that was who I was. And I didn't care if my belly hanged out, and I didn't care if I had frizzy hair. I never brushed it. I didn't care. I just wanted to sing and dance and be myself. And I was unapologetic.

About that.

So I started doing this exercise that now I call Wonder Walks. And I use Wonder Walks to both manifest things and to tap back into real gen. And I want to invite you guys to use Wonder Walks. If you don't really. If you have to tap back into that feeling of being really in the pocket. And I love the term in the pocket because I want you to think about what that would mean for you when, like, I think of when I was a little girl singing and dancing in front of my dad's video camera and doing, like, It's a hard knock life. It's a hard knock life from Annie in its full performance with costume and everything and rolling around on the floor. That was when I was so in the pocket, like, time stopped. I didn't care about anything. This moment right here, I'm in the pocket. Like, this could go on for hours and I wouldn't get tired. Think about what that is for you when you're your most truest self. Maybe it's a person you're with. Maybe it's something from your childhood. Maybe it was when you walked down the aisle to the love of your life. Maybe it was when you held your baby for the first time. A moment where you're like, this is me. Like that song from Greatest Showman plays in the back of your mind. And you're just like, this is so me. All right, so you're going to think about that moment now. I want you to think about maybe a song or a scent or a visual that can bring you back to that moment. Maybe it's a photo. Maybe it's a song that was playing during that time in your life. Maybe it was, you know, a perfume that. I know everyone got that perfume at Powerhouse. That's why I loved that. That would bring you back. And I want you to use sense memory. So when I was an actress, we learned method acting. And this is how I came up with this concept. I'm going to use method acting to get back in the feeling of being real Jen. So they would have us envision, get really, really close to that feeling and kick it off with a sense. So I started going on walks and playing like Little Mermaid, Michael Jackson, Annie, wizard of Oz, all of the songs that I would sing and dance to when I was a little girl. And I would walk the streets of New York being, like, singing. And no one cared, obviously. Cause it's New York City and everyone's crazy. And I would slowly but surely start to actually tap back into that feeling of who Real Jenny was. And then I started being more unapologetic as I did things in my life and the decisions that I made and the people that I was around. And I would just bring that little girl to the party. And the more that you bring that little girl or that little guy to the party, the more you allow them to be seen, the more energized you feel and the more confidence you give yourself to be able to navigate the world as that person, because that person knows your heart. That little person inside of you, they're still there. And they know what you want. They know what makes you thrive. They know when you feel the most in the pocket. So go for a wonder walk with your little self. Tap back in and just walk around feeling the way that they would feel in that in the pocket moment.

So good. I love that I literally. We were talking before this. I do that. I go for walks. I listen to music. I am such a dreamer that when I'm not going, I'm also very married, and I love being with my husband so much that sometimes I'm not alone. So I have to remember to go specifically. Specifically, go walk alone. Turn on music that, like, really inspires me. Like, I'll one of my favorite playlists or whatever. And I just go daydream. Like, I just let myself some. Some walks. You guys are very dull because nothing is coming to me. And maybe it was a really bad day or whatever. I'm like, okay, that wasn't such a wonder walk. That was more like a dirt walk.

Yeah. Oh, I love that. Sometimes they are dirt walk.

Yeah.

There's no wonder in that one.

I wonder what happened.

I just wonder why I just did that.

I wonder what that the point was.

But it really, really works. I have to, literally this week, because it's been too hot to walk. So I went on a wonder drive. Like, in the middle of the day. I turned up music so loud, like, really, really good music, and just drove for, like, 30 minutes and let myself daydream. Didn't even know where I was going. But I have to go and do that to remember, like, what do I want to do? Then the music gets me to start thinking. It's like all of those things. When I was little, I'd listen to music and daydream. And so then I was reading your book this week, and I'm like, this is so crazy. I'm literally doing this to tap back into myself. So I love that. You guys should do it for sure. If you haven't done it and you guys. That brings us to the top of the hour. I know. That's what happens when you're in the pocket.

We are so in the pocket.

I know.

No one wants to go home yet, Sam.