How To Build Your Dream Network | Powerhouse Women x Earn Your Happy LIVE Living Room Session

Evolving and going for your dream is hard, but it's also one of the most important things you'll do because people are waiting for every single person in this room. So how do you ask? You get clear on what you need and you write it out just like I said. Hey, everyone.

Welcome back to the show. The show that I have for you today is so much fun.

Let me tell you why.

We have never done a show like this on the podcast before, where we have recorded in front of a live studio audience that we actually sold tickets to. We're doing this every single month. This is the first one that we're releasing on the show. So we already had this one. And it was incredible, you guys. We decided to call these living room sessions. And when I say we, I'm recording these with my. One of my best friends in the whole world, Lindsay Schwartz, who has the Powerhouse Women podcast. She also has the Powerhouse Women event, one of my favorite events of the year. You guys, if you have not gone. And let me tell you a little bit of backstory about why we started this. This year for me is all about optimizing my life and really getting the most out of what I'm doing and also just really dialing in exactly what I'm doing and making sure that I am having fun. Because for me, when I lose the fun in my life and fun in my business, I it everywhere. I see it in every result, and I just don't feel as excited to wake up for the day, right? We all want to feel that. And for me, I was like, how can I do all the things I'm doing but make them fun, right? How could this be more fun? And for me, that was a few areas. That was my podcast, that was my content, and that was really the collaborations I was doing. And I thought, okay, if I have to do content anyway, if I have to do reels, if I have to post all this stuff anyway, right? All the things that we know we need to be doing for our business. Why wouldn't I, number one, ask somebody to do it with me, and number two, why wouldn't I include other people and do something that kind of hits all of these things all in one? Meaning if I have to record the podcast anyway, why wouldn't I do it with a friend? Why wouldn't I do it in front of an audience? Which is absolutely what I love. It's my zone of genius. I love being in front of people, I love being with people, and I love being in community. And then why wouldn't I take the clips from that, obviously make it a podcast, and also make it my content on my social media. So I'm like, killing three birds with one stone, all while having so much fun. And for me, when I look at all of the places that I'm putting myself out in the world, sometimes they say, and I'm wondering if this is you, too. Sometimes I say, you know, I think people only get to see one side of me. Like, what is some place or something that I could do to get them to kind of experience this other side that I actually love about myself.

I find that when I'm, you know.

Connecting in person with people and in front of an audience, like, I think I'm a little funnier now. That's going to be totally up to you once you listen to this. But I just feel like I drop in faster. I'm a little bit more real, and I don't know, we'll see. I might be a little funnier. I don't want to set that expectation for you guys. In fact, I just want you to lower that bar right now. But with that said, Lindsay and I got together. I said, let's do this. It was like three and a half weeks before our first one. I was like, why are we thinking. Because we had had this discussion before and we didn't do it. And I was like, what's stalling us? Why are we thinking? It has to be big, right? We were like, okay, well, maybe we need 200 people. There are 300 people, which required a totally different venue. It just required a lot of planning, which we didn't have the bandwidth for. And I was like, you know what? Let's just keep it small. Let's make it easy. Let's see where we can do this. And. And it all came together in three and a half weeks. We sold out within 30 minutes. We have 40 people in studio, and we're doing this every single month. So, you guys, we are sold out for the next month, but we are not sold out for March yet. So you can get tickets for March and April. We will put it in the show notes. March, April, June, you guys, if you want to come and see it. And if these sell out, we're going to add more dates. So if this sells out, we're going.

To add more dates.

So you might even be able to get more in March and April. So really, really excited about this. I hope you love it. What the session is, is it is one hour of a topic every single month, and then we do one hour of Live Q and A. So if you come, you're going to get to hear yourself, hear your name and get shouted out. And I want to tell you that the other thing that we loved about doing this is when we were thinking of where to do it, we immediately thought, oh my God, what an opportunity to collab with other women and not only bring their names and what they're doing to light and share it with our podcast audiences, which are millions and millions of people. You know, we get millions of downloads per month. I have millions of downloads on this podcast. So I was like, what is the opportunity here where we could really share this, Bring new eyes in from our community into what they're doing. And with that, we thought of the perfect spot, which is the Good Vibe Studio. You guys, this is a studio that it's a production playground. It's based in Phoenix, Arizona. It's women owned and operated. It's a space that was built for photographers, content creators, podcasters, filmmakers and all creatives. They have five studio spaces available for rent. Each studio offers a different vibe for diversity and creative content. And if you guys want to learn more about it, number one, you can go look at it on my Instagram. You can go to their Instagram at the Good Vibe Studio. That's at the Good Vibe Studio. Or you can visit the good vibe studio.com. so what ended up happening is they sponsored this event. We said, hey, we're going to shout you out, we're going to share you, we're going to try to get some new eyes into the space for you because we want to sell your memberships and in return we would love to just be able to collaborate and they give us the video, they give us all of them assets, you guys, it is the biggest win, win, win. I hope that by me telling you this story, what it does is have you say, what's something that I want to do and how does my idea help someone else get out there? So my prayer is for Good Vibe Studio because they are just giving us this incredible experience and offering of being able to be in their amazing space, which is the frickin cutest ever, you guys, the photoshoots and content and podcasts that come out of here are freaking adorable. It up all of your stuff and hopefully we can get them some more memberships. Hopefully we can get some more eyes on their space by them allowing us to have our dream inside of theirs. And that's how this works, you guys. If you come up with something, it might be because you're also meant to Include other people's dreams in yours. So I hope that you love this episode, and I hope you go check out the Good Vibe Studio, you guys. That's at the Good Vibe Studio on Instagram. And I hope you love this topic, and I hope that I get to see you. So in show notes, you'll be able to see where you can get your tickets as well. So let's get started. Hi.

Oh, my gosh.

Remember when we just had this idea.

Like, two weeks ago? Let's talk about that, though. Let's tell them about that.

Oh, my goodness. Okay. Well, I have to acknowledge something first, because my husband's here, and I don't want to get called out. I did dry January 1st through 24th, and that ended today. So that's where we're at. And I don't want to hear a peep about it, but we actually want to share a little bit of the story of how this idea came to be, because we want you to think about how this can apply in your own life and in your own business. And tonight, we're really going to have this juicy conversation about how do you actually build your dream network? How do you find the people that you can connect with, collaborate with, create fun opportunities like this? And that was exactly kind of how this came to be. We were having one of the conversations we typically have out on a walk, and we were talking about how we know that it's important right now to be really consistent with creating content and getting even more of our podcast content out there. And then it kind of evolved from there. Do you want to share a little bit of that story?

Yes.

Who in here has a bit. Hi, everyone.

I know.

I'm just like, all my friends are here. This is a way better way to record, by the way. I've had a glass of wine.

It was great.

Told my husband I wasn't going to, and I did. Hi, honey. I was like, I am not drinking the rest of January. And then Rose showed up. So I'm just. I feel like exactly how we wanted this to feel, which could make me cry. We wanted this to feel like a bunch of friends just getting together. Like, if we were to actually have the friends we want. Do you know what I'm saying?

Actual friends are in this room. So that doesn't. That doesn't mean you.

No, I mean, like, you know those groups that you see always getting together, and you're like, how do you get in that group? Like, this is so awesome. And that's what we want to start with. This Is this is how you get in the group. You create it yourself and you find those people and you get together and you do the things that you need to get done, but you make them more fun. And that's really where this came this year is I'm finally in a place where I just think after muscling through things, are you guys muscling through anything right now? That just feels fucking hard. Like, oh my God. Content feels hard and my website feels hard and email feels hard and these topics are feel hard. And it's like, I don't know if it all has to feel that way. I really think that we're making it hard. And that's where these conversations with Lindsay started is what could we do this year that would be fun? Because my north star is. Hi, Jackie. Yeah, hi, Jackie's Jackies. Double.

Okay, two of them over there.

We're like, how could we make this way more fun? And so we said, I'm struggling with my content. I want something on my podcast where people can feel more of who we actually are. Cause it's kind of hard to be you without someone asking you questions or your friends asking you questions. So have you guys ever turned on the camera and you're like, oh, that sucked. Like, that was so not me.

So we're like, take 54.

Exactly, take 54 for a three second reel. Like, you're like, this is not. This is not working out for me with 30 days of content coming. So we said, how could we get a podcast? Maybe two, because it's two hours long. So it's us and then Q and A. So we're split it into two. So I want you guys to listen to what we're doing because you can do this too, like, and make your life way easier. So we also said we want to be in touch with our community and not just like our community, but like the inside community. Like, who are the girls we want to be with? Like, who are the guys we want to be with? Right? Like, how can we get us all together so that we're all just like having a great time together? And then also from this, what we're going to do is we're taking clips of this and turning it into our reels. So we're getting our social content, we're getting our podcasts, we're fulfilling a deep desire to connect and have more fun. So it's like all of these things at once that if we just rethink, how can we have some more fun with this? What would that look like? And you guys, the thing that we were waiting on was we didn't do this. We had this idea like last year, like it's come up a couple times. But the reason we didn't do it is we always thought, well, it's got to be 100 people or 200 people, okay, well we need a bigger space. Then it's selling tickets. Then our energy is going towards selling and we're like, what if we just did it small?

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What if just five people show up? Would we still want to do that and have fun and be doing getting all that we wanted? We would. So what if we did sell the 35 tickets? Would that be awesome and we didn't have to put a lot of effort towards it and so that's how this ended up going. It doesn't have to be big. In fact, I don't really think it should be at first. If I go back to how Lindsey and I have built our careers, it's been in really small rooms, way smaller than this. You know, Jackie was in Minneapolis with me when I had a fitness studio. And it was seven or eight people that would show up on a Sunday. It was so much fun and I was consistent for, you know, two years. Then 20 people would show up, then 40 people, then 50 people, then once in a while, zero people on a Sunday. And it's like that's just the flow of how it goes. So we really wanted to start this because number one, we just wanted to have more fun.

Anyone else want to have more fun in doing your business, reaching your goals this year? Okay, great. We found our people.

Yeah, I just, just don't think it has to be hard. And then the coolest part, you guys, is that there are so many people around you to help. So look at this amazing studio that we're in that Carly just told the story about.

Right.

And we didn't know where we were going to have it at first. And then all Of a sudden, we saw one of their events that were similar to this, and we said, why don't we see how this can be a win, win, win for everyone involved? So we are sharing about the studio on our podcast. We're going to be talking about, like, the memberships that they're going to be doing here and all the cool things that they do. So it's like, we're going to bring all the women who could potentially be an amazing customer, an amazing fit to you, and how can. Obviously it's been supporting us through. They're going to give us the recordings. We're going to, you know, we have this incredible space to do this in. So how can you find someone in your community where it can be like, win, win, win all around? And that's really the way that we're starting to think even more is, let's have some more fun. How can we see what that win, win is without even being like, hey, what do you need? It's like, what does it look like they need?

Yep. So how many of you have already met someone tonight that you're like, oh, I want to know more about what they do? Like, you've met someone interesting. You might want to follow up. A lot of you are like, oh, I've met people that I already knew. It's like a big reunion, which is amazing as well. So that is why you put yourself in spaces like this. You go in with the intention to figure out, like, who's got that next little key, something to help you take the next step forward. And as we talk tonight about building your network, like, how do you actually build a dream network that the moment you have a big idea, you know exactly who to talk to, exactly who to ask for that resource or that connection, and things just happen really fast. We're going to kind of break this down into three specific communities. There's two we're going to spend more time talking about tonight, but we can totally dive into the nitty gritty of the other one in Q and A. And this is actually what I'm going to write my whole next book about, because obviously my jam is building community. But I really think we need to think about it as three separate communities. And there's, number one, a community that you impact. These are the people that you inspire. These are the people that become your customers, that become your followers, your audience. Those are important, of course, but they're usually different than the other two communities. The second one is the community that you collaborate with. We're gonna talk a lot about that one tonight because this is often. It's the trickiest one because these are the people that you really run with. And there might be people you ran with in one season, but then they stopped at, like, the water station and you wanted to keep going, and you think you need to wait at the water station for them. That makes sense. Yeah.

You just wait for me.

And you're like, I can't. Actually, we're not talking about actual running. Maybe you've had that happen in actual races, but we're talking like, the race of life and of business. So who are you running with in this season? And then the other, the third community is the community you're mentored by. It's really who's expanding you right now. And that could be. Maybe that's one of the reasons why you're here. Maybe Lori or I have been expanders for you. There might be people in this room who've been expanders for you, and it's really thinking about, do you have people around you who are outpacing you, showing you what's possible? Maybe you're even paying to work with them, to be in programs with them, or you're just observing and consuming their content. But I think where people struggle the most, where I have struggled the most, is really understanding that that community that you collaborate with, the people you're running with, that one will shift and change more than anything else. It just will. And the more we resist that, the more we make that hard. I think the more we slow down our own journey and the more we. We almost miss the opportunity to impact the people we're meant to serve. So we're going to dig into it tonight. These are meant to be very real and raw conversations. Like I said, we're going to do Q and A at the end to really get to answer your specific questions. But let's kind of open it up. And I want to know, because you and I talk about this a lot. When it comes to curating that group that you're really running with in this season, one of the hardest things is to acknowledge when there's not a match with someone that you used to run with, when relationships start to evolve, when you realize maybe you're outpacing someone that used to be like, you're running buddy in business. How has that impacted your journey? How do you have those really honest conversations when it comes time?

Oh, man, this is such a great question. How amazing is she, by the way?

Yeah.

So much fun, let me tell you.

Oh, I'll take The applause. Thank you.

And it's your wine time. Which, by the way, we're drinking. What kind of wine?

Oh, it's wonderful. This is. And please, when you are sharing Instagram stories, One Hope Wine, which is both of our favorite wine company, they're a wine company that gives back. They donate to amazing causes. Tag One Hope in your stories as well and thank them for the wine. Everyone needs a wine contact. Everyone needs a wine hookup. Right?

We really, really do.

So dealing with friendships evolving and changing those people you're running with, I think.

People don't realize that this. That part of your life is always going to be ever changing and evolving. And it doesn't mean that you're going to be getting rid of everyone for a certain part of your path, but sometimes it does. So I think that's like the piece where I find it's also very, like, location based as well. Meaning from the Midwest. I think a lot of us who are. Who's from the Midwest in here? Okay. Oh, everyone. Okay, great.

We'll take Oklahoma.

Who's West Coast? We've got one. I'm just kidding.

Okay, we've got five.

Who's East Coast? You bitches are for yourself. I love you. My west coast friends are flaky. My Midwesterners are passive aggressive. It's fine.

All right.

I'm joking.

I'm not.

But I love all of you. I've lived everywhere.

Okay.

With that said, when we're on our journey, a lot of us, even as. I'll just say, as women. Cause most of us are in here, but truly, we feel like we have to carry everyone with us. So whomever we meet, whoever we have a connection with, we're like, we connected. We're friends for life. When do we get together next? No, that is not real. That is not actually how you're going to maintain your energy or create the network that you need to be with. A lot of these very special moments, with a lot of these people, even in this room, are very special moments that you should allow to be a moment and enjoy those moments. And that's the difference is we're not allowing ourselves to be present because we think there has to be a future with everyone. And there simply is not going to be like, you're not going to be able to do that. So it's differentiating between, wow, that was an amazing connection and that was an amazing moment. And I learned so much from that person. And now I need to be their friend, and now I need to carry this person with Me or if someone had that connection with you but you didn't feel that energy. You know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I mean? Where you're like, they think we're best friends, but we're super not. But you feel like now you have to carry them and keep that relationship open. And this is where you're going to have to get really clear on your communication and also your boundaries and also letting it be okay if you are misunderstood. Evolving is one of the toughest things you'll ever do in your whole life. But not evolving is harder. Yes, not evolving is harder. So the evolution is being able to be someone who has the boundary and doesn't feel like you have to carry everyone with you and letting it be okay to have people be upset that maybe they don't think that you're the friendliest or that they are mad that you don't have time for them for coffee all the time, or they don't understand why you do things with certain friends but not them. It's okay to have your core group of friends because that's where you're, you need to learn where your energy goes. And I think for us, our constant discussion is even around, like, where is our energy going? Like, what do we want to do? Because I got to be honest, like, I literally told Chris today, I said, I think I only have four good hours a day. And when I give anyone else an hour, it's not just an hour, is it? Have you ever like, you're like, you're going to coffee and the person's like, it's only an hour. And you're like, actually, it's actually my whole day. Like my bandwidth is thinking about why did I say yes? So now I'm pissed. And I'm pissed from 7 until 11. And then I see you from 1 to 2 and then I'm angry at myself from 3 until the end of the night. So technically it's my whole day. And this is how we're spending our days, you guys. And so this year I'm already misunderstood because I'm getting really clear on the content I want to share. I'm getting really clear on the deep relationships that I want. There are women that I'm like, I'm really sad that I'm not a better friend to you because I've been giving myself to people who it's one offs one night stands. I'm sad about my one night stands. You know, I can count them on more than one hand really, in both ways. I'm just kidding. Well, and I. I've already told my husband.

Chris knows. He knows. He knows. Well, and I think something that has really served us in our friendship, I think. I think from the beginning, our friendship has been based in setting expectations from the beginning and checking in frequently to see if, like, that still works. And the friendships where I find that that is the baseline, they tend to be less dramatic. Because when I can say in the beginning, here's right now, in this season, what I need in my friendships, I need to know that it's okay that if I miss a text or I read it and does anyone else, like, respond in your head, but you didn't in actuality, and you're like, why didn't they respond? And then you realize because you never responded. Yeah, that's. I am that friend. And when you have those conversations up front, just to say, here's what really I need in a friendship, is to know that even if it goes six months before we touch base again, there's no undertone of, like, haven't really heard of from you in a while.

There's gonna be an undertone if that happens with us.

Well, Right. But you've made that clear from the beginning. So I know what I'm getting into every three months.

We're fine.

Yes. But it's to know that. And I am. We're both from the Midwest. I've had to do a lot of unlearning around that. That it doesn't make me a bad person if I have to set some boundaries around what really works for me right now. And I am in a season where my business is growing. It requires a lot of my attention. And when I don't feel like I can give more to certain friendships, I have certain friends that these are the best kind of friends. They're like, I'm just checking in to tell you that I'm thinking about you. I know you are running so hard right now, and I just want you to know I love you. And those are the best kind of texts. The best. And it's also okay if you're sitting here right now and you're thinking, I don't feel that way. I feel really hurt when someone isn't texting me back. I feel really hurt when I don't feel like I'm getting the kind of reciprocation from a friendship, then that is something so beautiful to realize about yourself too, is that maybe you do have different needs in a friendship and you're expecting one friend to be that who isn't available for it right now when there might be someone else who is. Because my friendships right now, the ones that feel most nurturing are the ones who want to get together and talk about business. I don't really watch much TV or Bachelor anymore, so I'm kind of. Although I have this. I have this weird thing about me where I will read spoiler articles about TV shows. I've had full conversations about Game of Thrones. Never watched an episode, but I could talk to you about the finale. So I'm a good conversationalist. But I'm just. I'm letting it be okay in this season. Number one, here are like the two things that are really my theme for this year. I'm letting it be okay that this is an all in time for me. It's a time in my life that I can be all in. My husband and I are both all in on some pretty cool things that we're building and we want to surround ourselves with that same kind of energy. The second thing is, and this was huge for me, some of you need to hear this and this is going to be your takeaway.

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It's okay for my pace, like the pace that works for me, not to be everyone else's pace, because some of you have been holding back because you feel like you're way too ambitious, you run way too fast. People around you are like, aren't you tired? Because maybe they Are. Or maybe your pace of life wouldn't work for them right now. And I just had to let it be okay that my pace really works for me. And I have really good checks and balances right now to know when it doesn't work for me and when I may be dipping into that overwhelm or feeling burnt out because. But for the most part, you can ask Elliot. I pretty much don't really have an off switch nor need one, and I apologize for that for a really, really long time. So I'm really actively surrounding myself with people who nurture that, but also who, when I'm around them, I feel like it brings out the best of me. Like, I think when we're together, we take that four hours of good energy time, and we make it into, like, four or six or like five or six. I think we actually expand.

Yeah, for sure. And, you know, I think what's so cool is there's gonna be so many. Lindsay and I have so many different friendships that, like, she has some friends that I am actually, and I'm not being rude, but I'm not interested in being friends with. And I love them for her. Like, I actually adore them.

You really say that to me.

Like, I want.

I love her for.

You want to send them love letters that say thank you for the way that you show up for her, but I don't need to be friends with them. And I also am never jealous. I'm so grateful for who they are for her, because I can't be that for her at all. Like, there are some friends that I'm like, I am so glad they're there for her, because I could. That is, like, something I could never tap into. Like, I will not. I'll just be like, I will never be that for you. Like, don't expect it. Like, not me. And so I think when you're looking at different friendships that you want in your life, there are some of my most amazing friends who bring just one incredible thing to me, and I so love them for that one thing. I mean, many are many of those things, but I have some people that it's like, one thing that I'm like, thank you for this one thing that you bring into my life. Actually. I have so many different people in this room and someone that I use as an example all the time. But she's many things. Is Jackie over in the corner? Over there. But she truly is, like, my adventure friend. She's my many things friend. But if I could put one thing on her, it's like, that is my friend who's always gonna bring adventure into my life. And that is very important to me. Nothing else to her that I do or who I am matters as long as I adventure. And I'm weird. We're like, fun friends. We're adventure friends. And I don't feel like I have to show up in a different way for her at all. It's just, like, that's what we're gonna do together. And I think when you can start looking at people like them like that, what do they bring into my life? And how can I appreciate them for that and not need them to be the checklist, right? The best friend checklist. And that's when, really, you can drop into these friendships. I think even deeper is not needing them to be all of the things just like our partners. Like, I don't need Chris to now be my friend that I analyze with everything. Cause that's you.

Our husbands are so grateful that we. We have each other, because we're both verbal processors, and they are not.

Chris is like, Is this the 120th time you've talked about this in one hour? I'm like, yes, And Lindsey would be fine with it.

Okay, so when we think about these, like, finding this community that we really run with, I want to know if you think, is there, like, an ideal number of people? Like, in a certain season, if you're going toward a goal, is there a certain, certain number of people? Because you can only really run with so many, I think. And then how do you, like, choose who those people are for you in a specific season, if you were to give us, like, a framework.

Oh, that is a great question. I think our energy is always less than we think it is. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like, you literally think when you're in your high point and you're making the plans, you're in high energy. It's like saying, you know, right after Thanksgiving, when you're like, no, I'm ready for that diet. You're so full. You're like, no, I feel like I don't need to eat for days and days. And then all of a sudden, you're like, no, tomorrow, I need to eat everything. It's literally, you are making these plans when you have a ton of energy. And what you need to do is first just get really real with the energy and time that you do have. So how many people do you feel like you could actually reciprocate energy? Because a relationship, when you're running, your running body is an equal energy exchange. So as much energy as you can give is kind of the amount of people you can have in that circle. But I also want to point out there's going to be people who you give a lot of energy to, and then there's going to be like kind of these. The outskirts, right, Those people who you can do interactions with and, like, different business interactions, or support each other. Like, oh, you've got a book launch coming out. Amazing. I've got a podcast launch coming out. Let's just support each other there. And that's the conversation. You leave it. It's not a friendship thing. It's a mutual respect. You look taut. Let's do this. And you're gonna just both reciprocate.

How do you find those people once you identify kind of who you want to run with? You wrote a whole book around this, honestly, and that is such a great manual for anyone who's looking for, like, a framework for how to really intentionally support each other. But what really works in terms of setting up the container for how long and how you are going to support each other. Because, yes, you really should have those conversations if it's going to work really well. Give someone a beginning and an end point. Hey, let's support one another for, like, the next three months or for the next six months. And here's what that looks. Here's what I'm looking for. Does that work for you? Like, that might sound weird to have as a conversation with friends, but can you imagine how much drama it would alleviate if you were able to, if you gave yourself permission to have that conversation up front?

Yes. There's gonna be a part of you that's gonna have to get so honest that verbally you're gonna be like, I can't believe I'm saying this out loud. Like, wow, this is really bold. And I think that when you get as bold as actually saying what you want and what you need, and you're like, wow, I actually stated exactly what I wanted. That should scare you a little bit. It should be that clear. And that's how we should communicate with these people. Like, this is exactly. What if you were to say exactly what you want, Write it out and be really clear on what you want and how frequent and what that looks like. And that is what you have to go with. And the people who you're attracting will be attracted to that. Anything that you put that's fake, not real, fluffy, you're gonna get those same kind of people. And it's not going to be A real connection. Okay. So this is the type of thing that should make your guts churn a little bit or you're doing it wrong. So when you've defined your goals, who in here has their goals of, like, what they want this year? Okay. Amazing. Now I need you to define not only what you want, but what you want in a running buddy. So if you were. Which you just did a half marathon, right, Tara? Yes. When you're training for a half marathon, when you are running in your business, you have to be clear on who you want to train with with. Who do you want to do that business with? Who do you want to be able to, like, look to? And you have to get really clear on what you need. So if Tara needs someone who, you know, you have to give, like, encouragement or help you run faster, you need to say, hey, I'm looking for someone who's going to really hold me accountable. And what that would look like for me is if once a week, we met for one hour. We were really structured. We did 30 minutes focusing on. No, I'm not talking about running. No, I'm talking about business. Okay, okay.

Just to be clear.

Yeah. And for 30 minutes, we did hot seats, where we focused on my business and then your business. Like, what am I struggling with? What are the things that I need? And saying that out loud and then going to town and acting like. Or treating each other's businesses as if they're our own. Right. And vice versa. Then you take the other 30 minutes. Where are you at? What are you struggling with? What do you need? And so if you need once a week, which, honestly, I think everyone in this room should be doing something once a week. I would have said bi weekly, but at this place, and I actually think weekly now from here on out for the end of time for whomever you are, because we need more support than we think. Who here, literally every single week, you're like, how do I feel this way again on a Monday? Like, here I am again. I had this great day or this great week, or I had this whatever it is, and all of a sudden, we're back at ground zero. That is business, you guys. I don't care who you are. I was just in one of the most epic rooms of my lifetime. And we need. We actually need people every day. Every single day. Because evolving and going for your dream is hard, but it's also one of the most important things you'll do, because people are waiting for every single person in this room. So how do you ask? You get clear on what you need. And you write it out just like I said. Hey, I see you out in the world doing big things. This may or may not be for you. I like to give an off the hook right away, right? Hey, why are they amazing? Hey, you're frickin amazing for this reason. Please don't write too much though. You're amazing for this reason.

It gets weird after like three sentences.

Nobody wants to like, read a huge paragraph. Like, this is why you're amazing. Here's what I'm looking for. If this is for you, awesome. If it's not, great, trust me, I'll find someone else. No worries, right? Make yourself in demand. Like, there's people wanting you everywhere.

I've got a line at my favorite.

I've got a line, but I chose you for this reason. And then say what you want. One hour or 30 minutes? Like 30 minutes. Once a week we check in. 15 minutes. I promise you it'll never go over this. So that it never interferes with your pickup for your kids or your. Your dance class or whatever that is. And we both check in with each other's support. And that's where it ends. Right? Like, keep it cool. It's just dinner at first. I'm being so real. Don't be needy. It's scary. Women will run. Like, seriously, I've done this over a hundred times. Women will run. Don't be weird.

You've been weird over 100.

I've been weird. And they run. Yeah. So be clear, be light, play it cool and just do that. And it'll even evolve from there. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, let it evolve. Let the relationship be, like, nurture it and let it be what it is. Like, this is business support. And if it turns into something later, awesome. If not, then, you know, that's great. Then that's one of your supportive business friends.

Yep. And I think then, like, just thinking about, where do you actually meet these people? So that might all make sense. But you're like, I. Maybe you're listening to this and you're like, I live in, in the Midwest. How did you get out? We love you. We'll send a team to extract you. Or you live somewhere where there's not a lot of people who are dreaming as big as you are. It's really vital that you seek out the people who are. Who actually make your dreams seem like they're not just doable, but they make it seem like that's just the starting point for you. And whether you have to Fly to events. Whether you have to fly across the country to put yourself in rooms like this, you can do. I mean, now with the Internet, thank God we have. We're more in touch than we've ever been before. And I always say that if you're looking to connect with more up leveled friends, if you're really looking for those running buddies, they are not going to show up at your doorstep. I really, I mean, I'm. Who's more of an introvert here? Yes. Did you notice we were like, they.

Only do a bathroom.

I know. They're like, the introverts are like, so even for us, we're way more introverted than I think people would. Would realize. And that was uncomfortable at first. It was uncomfortable to send a DM to someone who I really thought I resonated with their energy and wanted to know if they wanted to connect and have a conversation. I got shot down more times than I can even explain. And it took something for me to put myself out there. But I just knew that my goals, and more than that, the people that I wanted to impact with my goals deserved the kind of support that I was seeking. Because I knew myself well enough to know that I would give up. I would give up if I was not surrounded by people who reminded me why I started. And the person that I now that most people know me for. Creating Powerhouse Women and doing all of this started when I wrote my book. And the only reason I finished that book was because I was in community with other writers. This beautiful soul, Whitney, right here was part of that group. And I literally would not have finished the book if it weren't for other people who were on the same journey. They were just as uncomfortable as I was feeling the same fears. I tried to quit three times. And each time I tried to quit, I was at least gonna tell them in person because that's. That's the kind of woman I am. Yeah, it's like, I'm gonna show up and quit on just in person. But every single time, without fail, I was so mad, someone would say, lindsay, I need this book. I can't wait for you to finish this book. I needed this message today. And it was. I remember getting off those calls and being like, damn it, I thought no one would care if I quit. And here we are now, over five years later, thousands of people around the globe who listen to the Powerhouse Women podcast, who come to events, and I almost quit. Like, when I say I was literally ready to quit, it was like the cute quit right where I was gonna Say, like, oh, it's just. Isn't a good season for me. Who does that? You, like, start to get uncomfortable, and you start to get real cute with it. You're like, just, is this, like, a good time? I don't know. Maybe, like, when my signs are in a different alignment, maybe then it's true. Right. And so I had to put myself in an uncomfortable amount of accountability and support and people who weren't gonna let me quit. And if it weren't for containers like that, friends like that, who, when I share my biggest goals with them, they're gonna check in on me, they're gonna ask me how it's going. I would not have accomplished half of the things I've accomplished today. So if you leave here, if you're listening to this and you realize that that's missing for you, it's up to you to go find it. And how you find it is you put yourself in communities where people like that hang out. You get vulnerable, and you're willing to reach out and be the first one to say, hey, we should connect. It's fine. If you send 10 messages, maybe you'll hear back from two. That's a great average. Okay. And then be really intentional about what you're looking for, because ultimately, you can create the kind of support that you want in any form that you want it. It's up to you, and it's up to you to be the one to create that. Because at the end of the day, this journey is really uncomfortable at times. Anyone feeling really uncomfortable in their business and their growth journey right now, you're like, wow, I thought 2022 was something, but 2023 came in hot. Yeah. The way you keep yourself moving forward is you surround yourself with people who remind you why you started in the first place. So you kind of mentioned this epic room you got to be in last week, and I think this is kind of, like, the perfect conversation to transition into talking about people who are expanders, because that can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. A lot of us have expanders. Like, people. Anyone have. Like, someone you secretly creep on online. And, like, you just fantasize in your mind, like, maybe you'd be best friends someday or kind of just want to, like, live their life. Yeah. So an expander is someone who shows you a bigger vision for what's possible. It can be a mentor that you're working with. It can be someone that you actually are working with directly. It can also be someone that just shows you through the way they live their life, what is possible. But what's been really powerful for both of us is the times when we've gotten to actually connect with people who are expanders. And I think that's where things can feel a little bit tricky. Like, how do you navigate that? How do you also. How do you respect what someone has built while also realizing that, like, you're a worthy human being? There's no one you can't connect with. But there are definitely right and wrong ways to go about it. So how have you navigated building relationships with people who are at maybe, like, a higher level than you? They've accomplished more than you. You know, it's always weird, like, what words we put to this because we can add so much significance to it. It's just like, they've been at it longer.

Maybe they're doing what you want to do, Right?

Yeah. They have the results that you want to create.

Yeah. This is such an awesome question. Which, by the way, we're navigating every day. We will. For the rest of our lives. Everybody in here. And it's funny, when we even talk about these people, they'd be like, what are you talking about? I'm just like, they would feel not different at all. This is such a great question, because there's a beautiful approach to it that I think we should actually be approaching every relationship with, and that is looking for how to add value to these people without asking them.

Say that one more time, because this is. This is huge. This is it.

Looking for how.

Just kidding.

Say it again, but in a Kermit voice.

Looking for how to.

That was more Yoda, but I liked it.

Okay.

I liked it.

Looking for how to add value without you asking them.

Yes.

Did I say it right?

So, like, well. And I didn't mean. That wasn't a trick question. I did.

Terrible decision.

But I wanted you to say it again because here's what often happens, and I'm sure maybe some of you have had this experience or like, we have, where someone will reach out, and it's so well meaning, Right? And they're saying, hey, I love what you're doing. Let me know how I can support you. What does that automatically do in that moment? How does that land for you?

I'm like, that is so awesome. But also, I don't know how you could support me. So thank you so much. And that's it.

And it's actually making you work more, because now you have to think of something that they can do to support.

You, and then it kind of makes me uncomfortable, actually, because now I'm asking them to do something for me. Does that make sense? I'm like, oh, shit, I don't actually know. Maybe you could do this. And then I feel like I'm asking them, which is like.

But if not, totally fine. And that, like, they asked you in.

The first place, and it's such a cool position to be in, but there's. There's something that we can be doing that will actually get you noticed, which is what we all want to do, right? We all want to be noticed by the people. We want to feel like we're being valuable to those people. So something that I'm actually doing right now, I have a. So funny, you guys. I have a note section. I'm creating a text I'm about to send to add value to people that I want to add value to with, honestly, 100% zero expectation. Besides, I want to add value to these people. They have added value to me. And if the bonus is that in the future, when I have a book or whatever, that I can ask them and feel great about it, awesome, right? But I could get turned down in the future after I ask, and that's great, too. Like, I'm just in that place where it's like, hey, everybody's got something going on that we do not know about. Let me tell you, this is so real. Like, you do not know what's going on in anyone's life. There are people in here who. There are battles. There are things going on that they are not sharing whatsoever, because they just don't. They don't. Maybe they're not the type of person, they don't feel like they want to, whatever that is. So we just. If we can all, number one, come from that place of we don't know why we're getting rejected. We don't know why there's a. No, we don't know what's going on. And don't take it personal. It is never about you. And if it is, like, out of something that doesn't feel right, that person's not supposed to be in your life. That's like an energy that's like, oops, we intermingled. Wasn't meant to happen. Let's get that out. So I think the thing that we need to always look for is you probably have specific people that you have in mind, who are your mentors, who you really learn from. Maybe it's podcasts you listen to, maybe it's books that you read. Maybe it's a business that you love. Maybe, you know, you're trying to grow your business in a certain area, whether it is products or a salon, or books or events or media. And we all have our mentors in those space.

Right?

Those spaces. So with that, you're going to pick a few people, you're going to say, these are my five people. It's going to be reminders whether it's on your calendar or whether it's something that you just keep in the forefront of your mind. And you're going to go look at all of the stuff that they have coming out. Maybe they're launching another salon or a new part of their salon, or maybe they're launching a new podcast or they're writing a new book, right? Like the three that I have in mind have books coming out. And what I did is I went to see what their, their pre sale offers are because I'm like, hey, I know that they not only need support when a book comes out once it's out, but really one of the most important things to authors is pre sales. Like that's what a lot of like for, for New York Times, for the list for things like that. Pre sales are really, really important. And I'm like, okay, let's go look at the programs that they have, the offerings that they have if you buy a pre sale. And I'm like, like, how can the things that I've created, my platforms, my audience, my email list, my text list, how could I create something cool that's a value add for them that can also help these people launch their books, right? Or get pre sales? And I was like, okay, here's exactly what I'm doing. Do you wanna know what I'm actually doing right now?

Okay, yes.

So I'm like, okay, well my audience would want something from them, right? Like if they're gonna buy the book, would they want the extra thing like the free course or like the free training? Of course you guys would. But you're probably not going to totally hear about the book until it's everywhere and it's out. If I'm being honest with you, there's going to be a small percentage that are going to do the presale, but you're missing out on the best part of what they're offering. They're offering their best stuff. Like these are things that I'm like, they're giving away the house, right? So what if I could create something where I did a reel, said it was the best three books that you had to buy this year could get like a five minute clip of them talking about it, put it as a reel, as a quickie on my podcast, and then sent it out to my email without them asking me to do anything. Instead of going, hey, how can I support you? They're like, I'm up to my ears. I have you guys. They have sometimes eight to 10 interviews a day for two months straight. And people are like, how can I help you? And they're like, maybe send food and an IV and resuscitation and I don't even know. Like, they have a happy face, but they're dying. How can we help them without them even asking? How can they wake up one day and have all of this social, like, proof everywhere and people just like, oh, my God, without them even asking. That is how you get on the radar of your mentors. And you do it over and over again with zero expectation. Because I may never get recognized by these people and I don't care. Do you know why it added value to my people? Because that's what I was thinking when I created it. So the value that they added just by showing up every day and by creating what they created is enough for me. And the fact that maybe you're on the radar now, or maybe they're just like, hey, thank you. That really meant a lot, is maybe in the future that'll just be reciprocated for you. Because I really believe it's karmic anyway. Because I have people in this room who have done that for me. And I'm like, there was no reason you had to show up for me that way. Like, zero reason. But I can't tell you what it means, the support, like, so many of you in here. And that's when you start getting into that next level of people that you want on your radar. Because someone will recognize you and put their hand down and go, I have a spot. Right? I have a spot. I was thinking of you. You're amazing. Let's put you on the stage.

Let's do this.

I've got a slot for my podcast. I really need someone. I think your stuff would be amazing. And if I'm being totally honest, put your head down and just add value for 5 years. For 5 years. Put your head down, add value for 5 years, and fall in love with your process. That is how you get noticed by people. It's not anything else but that.

And I would say on top of that, what are you building that's making people take notice?

Yes.

So we talk about this a lot of the times with like, if you want to speak, don't wait for someone to ask you to come and speak. Just start speaking. Start creating your own opportunities to speak and lead and show up. There is an energy to someone who is in momentum. It's magnetic. And that energy is even attractive to people who are already a few steps ahead of you. So when they see you creating your own journals, multiple journals, launching your own membership, right? Helping people with their websites, you start to notice those people because they're not really waiting to be seen. They're just doing it. And when you start to become that person where all of a sudden the world around you is like, where did she or he come from? Wow. They're just. And I look around at so many of you that we've been on this journey together, and I've had those moments where I'm like, yes, I see you. I see you showing up. I see that tipping point where, like, you stopped waiting for someone to welcome you into the, you know, the next cool group, which no one's cool. Okay? None of us.

Nobody.

No one's cool. We are not cool. We're not that cool.

Everybody farts at all.

We all fart.

We did.

We promised to work one fart joke into tonight, and it worked.

There might be. They said there be might were noises on here. We asked immediately if there were fart sounds.

We haven't checked to find out. We'll find that out in the after party.

But there are fart sounds here, but I don't know about anywhere else.

It's really that simple. I'm just gonna bring us back. Just bring us back.

Thank you so much.

To the point that it's. It's that simple. And, you know, I also believe that it's just a matter of timing. And you had said this to me. You said that there was, like, this group that at a certain point of your journey, you were like, how am I not maybe being recognized by this group? How am I not being seen by them? And the less you focused on that, all of a sudden, like, years later, the more you're getting invited into those spaces as a peer, not as someone who's a mentee. Do you want to talk a little bit about that? Because I think that's really powerful too of it is this balance of showing up without expectation, giving value, not having to ask for it, but truly being unattached to who is going to recognize you. Because there might be someone else. You might think, like, oh, gosh, if I could just connect with this one person. But because you're so tunnel visioned on this one specific person. You're missing something else over here that is actually the perfect collaboration for you. And I think that can be so. It can be so easy to get really tunnel visioned on. Okay. If I could just get into this one friend group, that would change everything.

Oh, man, we have talked about this so much. Cause we all have our people, right? Like, we all want to be in these groups and we all watch them online. But if you want to know what you're supposed to do and where you're supposed to go next, you just have to ask yourself where you are waiting to be invited into. Where are you waiting to be invited? And where are you waiting to be anointed? And how can you create that for yourself? I think when we decide to cut out the middleman, who's your middleman? Who do you think you need in order to become what you want? Right. When you cut out the middleman and you just decide to go for it and create that container, create that event, create that program, create that get together, whatever it is, anoint yourself. Nobody is anointing anyone. It's a decision.

There's no secret process that we found.

There's no, like. I mean, I've gotten the sword, I've asked you to do it, and you're just kind of like, she did it. And I didn't feel any different, but.

Well, I felt cool holding the sword.

But that was cool. Yeah.

There's no sword. We're kidding. We're just kidding.

There will be.

Now that sounds dangerous.

There will be.

Elliot's like, I'm on it.

Yeah, but that's where you need to go. And for me, I spent probably four or five years. Yeah, probably really wanting to get into a couple groups of people who were ahead of me, who were writing books. I'm super open about it. I wanted to be in this group with. And you guys all know, like, there was this group of. It was like Marie Forleo, Gabby Bernstein, Danielle laporte, you know the group, right? And you're like, oh, my gosh, these women. How do I get in this group, you guys? I was even getting invited to dinners that they were at. So I was like, hey, I'm your peer, but I haven't done what they've done. Right. I hadn't done what they've done. I haven't been to where they've been. I hadn't fought their battles. I hadn't. They'd been in far more, far deeper. They'd done so Many things I couldn't understand that. I was like, why don't they have more room for these friends? Anybody else, I'm being so real here. Anyone else, like. And I had this moment of, wow, they only have a certain amount of time in the day as well. And it happened to me because at. I think it was at Bliss Project, like, I had some people get mad at me that I wasn't becoming their friends, and I didn't.

And then you're like, oh.

I was like, oh, shit, I'm doing this to people right now. And it's not that I didn't want to be these people's friends. It's that we don't have time. They don't have time. And so the thing is. And by the way, it's okay if they don't want to be around your energy, or maybe it's not a match, or maybe they don't want to carry you, or maybe it's just not aligned and you're feeling the best friend vibe and they're not totally cool. No reason to be mad. The faster that we can recognize that and find those running buddies and create those containers that you're going to rise up together, the faster your evolution is going to go. It is so cool, you guys. When we release that need for someone to see us, and what happens is when all of a sudden this group over here is rising, then all of.

A sudden you start getting noticed by.

These other people and they're like, oh, hey, what are you doing? Great. Maybe you could speak at my event. That's so cool what you're doing. And you're like, you're kidding. This is all it took.

Wow. Okay.

But just focusing inward. Whenever we find ourselves focusing external, right? Getting upset at people, you guys do that? I do it every, you know, every day. Every time I log into social media, I'm like, ah. What is happening internally? This is terrible. And then truly, I'm like, what do you need right now? What action do you need to be taking? Who do you need to call? Right. And if we don't have those people in place, where can I find them? And how can I get uncomfortable? It is the most uncomfortable thing, finding friends and running buddies. It's terrible. It is, isn't it?

Until you find them.

Until you find them, then it's great. But it is challenging finding those people. And it will. It will change frequently. So let's say you want to do an event one year and you want to be an author the next year. Those will be two different types of people for the most part. And so it doesn't mean you're going to get rid of your event friends. It just means that they will have less time with you or you'll have less time for them. And you're probably going to have to lean in now to the people who are writing books, because you'll have to learn that. And we have to remember we don't have to carry everyone with us through the whole thing, especially if you're clear on your expectations and needs from the beginning. Hey, I'm creating events. I would love an accountability buddy. This is what it looks like. We don't have to be besties. You don't have to write that.

That'd be weird.

But the more clear you are with your language, the more it's going to be easy to pivot and to move into these new arenas. So the more that we say, oh, you're family, oh, my gosh, we're best friends, this is amazing. The more that you say these things that you don't mean that we tend to do sometimes just to make people feel close or it's the moment, like, think about what we're saying, but also be really, really clear, and it'll give you that freedom to move freely through your actual evolutionary journey. And we don't get stuck. It's not scary. We can keep moving. People can cheer us on. People from this arena can cheer us on to the next arena because we were so clear with what we needed in that time and that we were moving on this trajectory. And that is what's going to free you up to kind of create these friendships and relationships in your life.

Yep. So is this helpful? Have you gotten something good out of this conversation? I mean, I guess you kind of have to say that, don't you? No, I'm just like, nope, I'm leaving.

But the wine was good.

But it really boils down to this. Who are you inspiring in this next season? And you are definitely inspiring someone. You are, whether you believe it or not. Who are you running with? Do you have people around you who are matching your pace if not outpacing you and helping you tap into that extra gear? And who is expanding you? I don't care if you have to pay to be within their presence. I don't care if you have to volunteer at their event just to be around them and be around their energy. Figure out how to put yourself in community with these three types of people and watch your entire world shift. It is really that simple. Sa.