How To Earn Your Happy: The Hard Truth

It's just not about the things, and it's not about being comfortable that's going to bring us happiness and contentment. It's actually embracing challenges as a fundamental part of the journey is going to be what is going to make you happy. Hey, everyone, welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. It's time for another quickie, because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I have been thinking so much about my relationship with challenge, and that has brought me to a place where I am really thinking about humans relationship with challenge. And it's really a topic that is near and dear to my heart because it has been my entire journey. So today I want to share why avoiding challenges will actually rob you of the joy that you are after and the joy that you deserve. Because we know that we are all on this journey of seeking happiness and fulfillment and really trying to figure out our purpose. And so many of us think that by avoiding discomfort, that's what the whole world is about, right? Like everything that we do and everything that we see is about how we can make ourselves more comfortable, how we can indulge more, how we can go get the things. Except they're not showing the other side that it's just not about the things and it's not about being comfortable that's going to bring us happiness and contentment, commitment. It's actually embracing challenges as a fundamental part of the journey is going to be what is going to make you happy. So that's why I love chatting about this on the earn your happy podcast, is because I used to deal with so much anxiety and depression, and I just realized there are a whole lot of things that I was avoiding that were actually causing this. It wasn't who I was fundamentally. It was a side effect of something that I was doing and something that I was thinking. And that is what put me back in the driver's seat of my life. So I wanted to do actual research around this. I wanted to know, like, the science of what our brain is doing around challenges and why this is something that is so important for us to all change our belief system around, around challenges and the belief around challenges. So there is something around dopamine with the joy of accomplishment, meaning there's going to be dopamine released around accomplishment. So, you know, that rush of just feeling so proud when you've achieved something that you've really worked hard on, that's actually your brain's reward system at play. Because when we conquer challenges, our brain releases dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. So it's like a natural high that's gonna come from your brain saying, you did it. So there's so much of this that I've experienced in this last year that it's been the most challenging year of my life. But I've also simultaneously felt no brainer here now that you know this research, that it has been the most rewarding year of my life. So if you avoid challenges, you're actually missing out on that feeling of pride, which when people say, wow, how did you get your confidence? It's like, because I've decided to make myself proud and face these challenges because this rush of dopamine is going to come from accomplishing something meaningful to you. So the next one is learning how to build your self confidence. So if you really look at self confidence like your backbone, it's truly the backbone of having, like a joyful life. And when you tackle challenges head on, you're actually building up your backbone or building that foundation brick by brick. And if you look at it like bricks, the more challenges that you conquer, the stronger that wall, the stronger your backbone is going to be. Because that's really, really how I started looking at it is if I want to start feeling strong, if I want to be something that is unshakable, how many bricks am I going to have to use to build a foundation, to build a structure that's truly like, hey, you know what I did that. I brick 45 over there. I already faced that. I already know what's coming. I already know what I'm capable of doing. Brick242, I've already done this. I understand that this is going to be rough, but I know that I can do it because I've had that experience. So you're really building your self confidence experience at a time. And the next thing I want to talk about is a lot of people feel bored or anxious or exhausted. And I actually think that that is from having the same routine. I think it's because you're not bringing in fresh energy and you're not finding new challenges that you love, because avoiding challenges leads to a stagnant, monotonous life. And so if you're feeling that right now, you really have to know that you're either going to continue to watch that movie on repeat or you're going to start inviting new challeng and new experiences. And with this is going to come new growth and new excitement and new stories that you can share. And you're actually going to feel like an interesting person. Have you ever been invited somewhere and you're like, God, I just feel like I don't have a lot to say to this person. They're, like, so awesome. They're maybe a mentor of mine. I feel like I'm just so boring or I have nothing to offer them. New experiences and new challenges give you confidence, and it gives you things to talk about. I'm telling you, when I am doing new things, I don't sit there and worry about what I'm going to say. I just have things to add. And I also so sit and know that being a good listener is a big part of that, too. But you know that you actually have interesting things to say and add value. So if you're really seeking joy, don't shy away from these new experiences as well. Even if it doesn't feel like a huge challenge. But if it's a new workout class or maybe a dance class, like, these things are interesting. When Chris and I did ballroom dancing three times a week for four years, we had really hilarious stories to share all of the time and really unique learnings that come with what happens when a couple learns ballroom dance together. And just the entire foundation of dance is really interesting in and of itself to break down. So you want to make sure that you're really cultivating your growth through putting all of these challenges together. So let's talk about resilience. Have you ever noticed how resilient people just seem to be able to get through pretty much any time that's going on in the world or anything that life throws at them? I want you to think back to when the pandemic was going on. There were some people who just seemed like they were on their feet right away, or they had ideas for other people of how to get through, or they just seemed like it wasn't hitting them or affecting them as much as other people. And I know that this is because they have faced challenges, maybe not like that, but similar, right, that were really, really challenging, that they had to flex that resilience muscle that they had built it up. So they had things to grab from. They had tools that they used mentally to face these things. They probably built up their network so that they had resilience through their network of other positive people who also had these tools. And they tapped into that rather than tapping into places of fear, but instead places of possibility. So building up that resilience and knowing that you get that resilience piece, that is also going to make you happy. Because without resilience we aren't happy.

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So this is just your reminder to really start looking as challenges as the way it is, literally how you earn your happy. It's how you become that person that you want to be. And if you don't have these already in your life, which, trust me, you do, when you start looking, you're going to have challenges that you can start using as the weights, as the resistance that will make you stronger. So instead of looking at them as I need to run from that or I want to avoid that, it's how can I take that challenge and make it work for me? How can I use this to make me better? How can I learn from this lesson? How can I see this as making me better and building my backbone even though I don't like it? You don't have to like it. You're not going to like it. I don't love it. I don't like mean comments. I don't like hard things. I don't like feeling like I'm stupid because I can't solve things. But I view it differently. I view it as the thing that's going to make me stronger. So if you don't happen to have these things in your life, like if you're so afraid of public speaking but you want to be a speaker and you're like, I don't really have the things to practice on, go find a Toastmasters. Go see if there's any small local things that you can start volunteering at or speaking at. Go create some, maybe like a zoom meeting amongst friends and start a book club where you're leading it and you're just starting to talk, maybe get together a dinner of of four to six women where you're facilitating it and you stand up in front of them and you give a toast and you say the topic of conversation that you want to go around the table and discuss. Start manufacturing the things that feel like a challenge that would make you nervous in small ways so that you can start showing up to the big things as you notice that these get better. So I can honestly tell you that I am not a person that identifies with massive anxiety or depression at all anymore because I have done so many of these things, things that really don't make me sit in that feeling of fear or not feeling Like I'm capable or not feeling like I'm smart or not feeling like I'm a person who's interesting. Because when you face challenges, that is how you become that person. So now I have the confidence. Now when big things come up, I know I can get through it because I've done the small thing, right? And then that is all added up. I have all of those bricks. Let's say you've done this before. So, you guys, I hope that you go and you manufacture challenges around your fears. I hope you find them. I hope you create them. I hope that somehow you get some sick satisfaction off of knowing that these are the exact things that are going to build you and make you better and make you more confident and make you happier. So it's so counterintuitive. People think that being happy is like, oh, I went to my favorite restaurant and ordered my favorite things. If you have a whole life of that, you're actually going to be totally miserable because that is not the building blocks of what makes a human happy. So go seek the challenges. And I promise you, the more often that you do them, the happier you're going to notice that you actually are. And it's a happiness that feels sustainable. You're not going to be like, oh, my God, I feel like I can't hold on to this and be afraid that when you are happy, it's not going to be there because you're actually going to know the formula to being. So I'm sending you guys so much love. If you have somebody in your life who's really struggling, maybe not trying anything new, and you know that this could be something that could really just give them that little loving kick in the butt to say, hey, it's time to go out there and start manufacturing some of these challenges so that you can feel better about yourself and create that confidence that you need. I'm sending you so much love. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.

Sam.