How to Have Better Conversations with High Performers (Lessons from a Dinner with Business Moguls)

Without purpose, we're nothing. Like, we're not happy. We have no reason to keep going. And, you know, a lot of what she talks about is really, like, you have to find that purpose, and you have to work hard in it, because the challenge is where the actual confidence and happiness and fulfillment comes from. And we're back with another episode of He Said, she Said.

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Oh, my God. A makeup mogul empire. She is one of the largest makeup brands and one of the most beloved brands and just the inspiration who will not stop working because she's so in love with creating, with entrepreneurship, with purpose. Yeah, yeah. She's really, really one of the most inspiring people I know.

And this home was one of the most inspiring homes I've ever been in in my life. It's in this private neighborhood in Beverly Hills that you don't even realize exists. It's a hidden, crazy, private neighborhood. It was so cool.

She just threw a dinner for her 25th anniversary of her makeup line and she had, she showed me the picture. She's like, here is one of my favorite dinners.

Sitting at the same table we're sitting at. She's like, oh, look at my favorite dinners here. That way.

It was, it was Oprah, it was JLo, it was all of the Kardashians. It was Sophia, her next door neighbor. Her next door neighbor. It was every powerhouse woman I can possibly think of. Like, I actually like you think of someone that you look up to in, you know, celebrity industry entrepreneur. I was like, this is insane. And I can only imagine the conversations that happen in that room. She's such an incredible conversationalist.

Yeah. And so, you know, last night's room wasn't that Crowded, but is an equally high quality crowd. I mean, it was incredible. It's Rob Dyrdek and his wife Brianna, of course, Christopher King and Anastasia Martin Katz, the famous jeweler from Beverly Hills. Baby Face the singer was there. I didn't expect him to be there. You guys know Baby Face the singer? Just like a huge handful of probably 25 incredible human beings doing incredible things. And when you're in a room like that, you have to understand how to have better conversations. Because before we share some of the conversations, I will tell you there is a very distinct line that you can draw down the middle of the room of those who know how to have better conversations and those who don't. And you watch it play out. You watch those who learn how to have better conversations get all the gold out of the room, all the relationships, all. All of the fun, all the joy. And you watch those who don't know how to have better conversations kind of leave without those bonds. I don't know how else to say it. You either know how to have better conversations or you don't. And so that's what we wanted to share with you here.

And one of the things that's so cool about this, you guys, is that if you go to something like this, like, I very well could have felt really stressed out or worried or like, questioning, you know, the things I've done and am I enough? And I'm nervous to go here. I did not feel that way, like, not even one ounce. And here's why. It's not because of what I've done or accomplished. Because in that room, what I've done is literally nothing compared to a lot of these people. And so, you know, going into it, all I thought about was all you have to do is be interested, just be curious about what people are doing. Like, I did not go into it with an agenda. I was not like, this person has to know about X, Y, Z. They have to know about my podcast. They have to know about Glossy. I was like, I am gonna go in and learn from this room. I am. Everybody in this room is, you know, a lot of the people are ahead of me. So I'm like, I'm gonna extract all of the value from the room by asking questions and being interested in them. And people love when they get asked questions, maybe they don't normally get asked, or just questions that really open them up to what they're passionate about talking about. Because we all know small talk just destroys our Souls anyway.

Yep, 100%. So I'm gonna share one of those conversations. And you and I actually each had a good conversation with this individual, one of the guys that was there. His name is Nicholas Correo and this is my first time meeting him. But he's the private client manager, right? So runs this very small but very important division for Moet Hennessy, which owns like every high end alcohol brand there is out there. And lvmh, if you guys don't know what LVMH is, that is literally the parent company that owns Louis Vuitton and just every other high end everything out there. The matter of fact, the founder's name of LVMH right now, he's literally the richest man in the world at this moment. And it's from these luxury brands. Anyhow, Nicholas is the private client manager and he goes around and just manages the high net worth individuals that have very selective taste, that want to get things from these brands. And this makes him a fascinating individual. Now it's not just that he's around these people that makes him fascinating. It's that he knows how to have good conversations. He was a great conversationalist and a great guy, like so nice and warm, wasn't he? Now you were chatting with them out on the lawn and you came away, you're like, oh my God, I just had the best conversation with Nick. Would you share how to have a better conversation? What'd you ask him?

So he was, you know, I had asked him, you know, what he was doing here, how he got to the dinner, like, you know, how he came about in this room. And he just told me what Chris just told you. And he had started talking about that he had spent two years in Sicily winemaking. And I was like, wow. I mean, you don't meet many people who have literally spent two years somewhere, let alone winemaking in another country. And I said, okay, what were your three life lessons that you learned while you were in Sicily that, you know, really impacted you, that you are going to take with you for the rest of your life?

And so what was his answer?

Well, the first one was to slow down, down. And he was like, you know, slowing down. He's like, they're not in a rush for anything. They're like, it just doesn't matter. He goes, it doesn't matter what it is. It's not a rush because they prioritize living life. And you know, most people in Sicily, and honestly, a lot of these European countries, they're not prioritizing a Ferrari or a handbag or it's not even really in Their sphere of, like, what they see every single day. So it's not something that's desirable. What's desirable to them is drinking the wine. Like, he even was talking about this was a great story. You know, he had a private client who they didn't know had 900 bottles of Krug.

I believe it was of Krug. Yep, Very special bottles. And he had 900 of them. They kind of hoarded and collected.

And I believe it was. It was one of their clients in Texas. And he didn't know Nicholas was his name. Yeah, he didn't know that this client had 900 bottles. And the owner of the wine found out that he had 900 bottles. And he said, you can't ever sell another bot. This man, because he was so upset that it wasn't getting drank. And so it wasn't about the money around. Like, you know, most people would be like, great.

Sell more bottles.

He wants. And he was like, absolutely not. This is to be enjoyed. This is the intention behind this wine, is that it's to be loved and enjoyed and savored. So never sell another bottle unless this man drinks all this wine. And that was just like, so full circle to these lessons that he was talking about. Unfortunately, Chris, dinner started, so I couldn't get the other two, but he said he was going to give them. Give them to me when I saw him.

Well, I drew a lesson. He sat across from me at dinner, and I drew a similar lesson from him as well when he told that story. Because he went on to say, you know, we've run our business for, you know, basically a few hundred years now. If you go all the way back to the beginnings of Moet Hennessy, before they were one company, before LVMH was one company. And you got to remember, this is the richest, biggest luxury brand in the whole wide world right now. And he said the reason why they've been so successful is this is going to sound counterintuitive. They don't focus on making more sales. They focus on giving such a great experience and getting people to experience the products, whether it's the wine, whether it's the Hennessy, whether it is the clothing, whether it's the right getting them to have such an experience with their products that they will be customers for life. And that's a great example that you just gave. You know, what can we draw from that? We always need to make experience. Any product that we ever have, we always got to make experience the pinnacle priority, not selling another one, not getting more people there. But the experiences and then the rest will take care of itself. So I thought just that was such a great reminder, great conversation. I was talking to Rob Dyrdek, we were excited to catch up. And we're sitting out there on the lawn talking for quite a while. And you know, he's building this multi, multi, multi, multi generational vision right now to leave not just to his kids, not just to his kids kids, but to his kids kids kids and their kids and their kids. That's how long down the road he thinks. And he's building this incredible estate right now that they've nicknamed Forever Estates. And they're making sure it's Forever Estates by putting it in this self sustaining fund where it'll always be around, it'll be in the family for every generation to ever use. And the number of years of planning that have gone into building Forever Estates and they just broke ground a month ago, so it's really, really exciting that they finally broke ground on it. Anyhow, the reason I share that is this is probably the second or third time that we've had this conversation about a hundred year vision, he said. Now, Chris, at this point he goes, I've got about a 300 year vision, he said, but what started this all was when I got into a group called Tiger 21. And if you guys don't know what Tiger 21 is, you have to have $20 million or more of liquid investable money to go into this group, to get, you know, selected into this group. And then you guys all share your investment ideas kind of privately. So I got in there and they asked me, what is your hundred year vision? And he said, what do you mean by 100 year? Like 100 years? Who thinks 100 years down the road? He said, but that was the domino that tipped. That was the moment that it all made sense. That was the moment that everything had meaning when somebody asked him, what's your hundred year vision? And he created a hundred year vision. And that led to a multi generational, you know, several hundred year vision that now led to Forever Estates. But then he worked backwards. If I'm going to have Forever Estates, I've got to have the time to build it. And I've got to have the time to leave this legacy and these lessons to my family. So how do I free up that time? I've got to build these companies, but how do I build these companies in a way that I'm not pulling away time from my family? Because that's his priority. And so I created this system where I measure Every minute and everything I'm doing. And so working backwards from that question of what is your hundred year vision? Put all of the successful moves into order. Instead of saying, I want to be successful, I want to be rich. Oh, I just want to be so rich that maybe there'll be something left over my families. Instead of thinking about next week, instead of thinking about next month, instead of thinking about next year, his life changed when somebody asked him, what's your hundred year vision? Now listen, let me be real. I don't have a hundred year vision. I don't have a 50 year vision. Do I have a 20 year vision? I don't think so. I honestly don't think right now my vision is get fellow built and get it sold and celebrate that.

And he did mention sometimes, and his wife was there too. It's like sometimes all you can think of is today. But even just opening up that question of what would that even look like and start small, what would it look like to have a 20 year vision? Like, that opens up a new way of how you do everything.

But I would challenge that. If the best in the world are saying, what is your hundred year vision? Then why change that formula? Why not challenge yourself to say, what's my 100 year vision? It's okay if it changes. But that question and having to work backwards from I found my answer, now I have to find a way to make it happen, is what puts all the successful parts into play. And that's exactly what happened in that case. So another example of having a better conversation. That whole thing started on me asking, hey, how's it feel to finally break ground on Forever Estates and give me an update on the hundred year vision? And that just led into this big conversation about all this unfolding now. You had a great conversation. You were sitting by Anastasia for the dinner and you had a great conversation with her about your company. You want to share that one?

So, I mean, you can't sit next to her and not ask about what her beliefs are and what her values are.

Can I share why this woman was an immigrant from Romania, came over, did not speak the language here in the US and now has built an $8 billion makeup and beauty company. That is the American dream.

That is insane. So we were just chatting about, like, purpose and the fact that she never. I don't think she'll ever retire. Like, people are like, Anastasia, why? Why are you still doing this? And she's like, what else would I be doing? And it gives her so much purpose. And when I say she's in it. She's like, I am up early on zoom calls with people in Europe. I'm on zoom calls with New York. Like, I am always taking care of business. She's always traveling.

Doesn't have to.

Doesn't have to choose this too. And she said, because without purpose, we're nothing. Like, we're not happy. We have no reason to keep going. And a lot of what she talks about is really, like, you have to find that purpose, and you have to work hard in it, because the change challenge is where the actual, like, confidence and happiness and fulfillment comes from. And so she's like, I will forever challenge myself. She's like, I'm in challenges right now. Some of the hardest things are these things that she's doing right now, like, at this point in her career that she doesn't have to be doing. And I just thought that that was so incredible to, you know, talk to somebody who is at that level, who does not ever need to work another day in her life. And she seeks out the challenges because she loves them and knows that that is where true fulfillment comes from. And we talked a lot about purpose, especially with women. And we were sharing how, you know, coming from the Midwest, a lot of the ideas around purpose that I saw, this is what I saw. So I can only share from, you know, my perspective. A lot of the purpose for women growing up was their children. And so me and my friends talk a lot about how our mothers kind of lack that purpose when we left the house, or we feel so responsible for their happiness because they did not seek purpose outside of that necessarily. And so we had chatted about that being kind of the mentality in sometimes the center of the country. Now, like I said, this is just my perspective. But they were saying, you know, in their cultures that everybody always serves a purpose. Like, they're always either, you know, cooking, gardening. They create, like, it's so vital for people in their culture to be busy, and they know it. Like, they're very aware that not being busy is not a good thing.

Yep, 100%. And, you know, when I hear that, I think of my dad, you know, God rest his soul, I wish he was still around. He was taken from us way too early. But he had that same drive. What? Remember, dad was always the happiest guy on the planet. What made him happy was choosing to still pursue purpose, even though he was, quote, unquote, retired and embracing the challenges. Every day, early zoom calls or problems with this or problems with that, because he was the president and chairman of the board for the Wisconsin Maritime Museum in his retirement. Choosing the daily challenges in the pursuit of purpose is what will make you happy and keep you going. And the minute that you decide, oh, I've made enough money, I'm done, or the minute you decide I don't want to do that anymore, or the minute you stop pursuing purpose and just wake up and work in a reactive state, you're going to lose your happiness.

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Motherhood is one of the most incredible purposes. Trust me. Like, we have these conversations all of the time, but it's when you know, because they are both the women that I was talking to, Anastasia and Corrine, who is also incredible. They were talking about how they created purpose, actually with their daughters or with their family and with their kids. So they were like, okay, so yes, motherhood was like this massive purpose for me. But also I knew that it couldn't be the only purpose. So they tried to bring in their family to what they were doing throughout the years to make sure that the family knew how important it was for all of them to have purposes as well. Like, yes, I'm your mom, but this is also important and I want you to see why.

Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so, Lori, let's put a bow on this. Better conversations. What is your final tip for being in a room like this and having better conversations?

I mean, don't feel like you have to come up with the most interesting, unique question they've ever been asked. Just find common ground. Like last night I was sitting there going, okay, these are all humans. We all have had a human experience, like as kids or how we grew up. Like, let's talk about something important to all of us. And that's kind of how the purpose conversation had started. And so I knew that, you know, that had to be something big for those ladies down there for them to have created what they created that I was talking to. So I just started asking about how they grew up, and that really spiraled into a really easy human conversation.

I love that there's always no matter even if you think There isn't. There is always common ground to be found, and that's how you form a bond. Mine's kind of similar, kind of not. Mine is stop worrying about being interesting. Right? I know we all do that as humans. Like, oh, my, not enoughness is coming up, or my, I don't belong here is coming up. Who cares? Stop worrying about being interesting and instead be concerned with being interested in the people who you are around. If you just take that policy into every single room you're ever in, you're going to thrive. Don't worry about being interesting. Be worried about being interested in the people who's around you. And one of the things I do really well, one of the ways that I apply that is not just asking good questions of the person in front of me, but, you know, when you're at these things and there's always somebody kind of looming to the right or looming to the left, and they don't feel like they're a part of the conversation, but they are. They're kind of right there, one foot over. Always be the person that brings them in. Move and make a little physical space to gesture for them to come in, and then pull them in verbally, say, hey, you know what? I was just asking so and so about the one thing that they grew up with, blah, blah, blah, what would your answer to that be? And find a way to pull the person in next to you, because not only will that person appreciate it, but the person who you're talking to, they also appreciate that because they see that you become the great aggregator of making sure everybody feels seen. And that's how you have better conversations in any kind of room like that. Even if you're in a chateau in Italy. Now, that might sound random. Why do I bring that up? Because we have an awesome announcement. Check this out. Lori and I and some of our best friends in the world, Rob and Kim Murgatroy, who live in Florence, Italy, and who are responsible for every great international experience that we have ever had in our life. And I don't say that lightly. I mean, every peak international experience in Greece, in Paris, in Italy, you name it, that we've ever had in our life has been coordinated by Robin, Kim. And you know, we've always joked over the years, hey, you know, Chris, Laurie, you guys do all the business events, we do all the experiential events over here. We should combine them. And finally, this year, they convinced us to do it. They convinced us to do it. And so for only eight or nine couples, or if you're an individual, no problem. The point is, it's going to be a very small group. We have rented out the most epic chateau, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds years old, gorgeous estate right outside of Florence, Italy. And Rob and Kim are creating the most visceral, once in a lifetime experiences you could ever have in your life over there. Like dinner with the Ferragamos, the famous designers and dare I say, helicopter rides into a vineyard, very special vineyard. And private tours of the Duomo. Like once in a lifetime experiences. They go on and on and on.

I'm here for the content.

They're putting that together. And Lori and I are going to take these experiences and pull business conversations and collaborations out of the situations that we are putting ourselves in. And this is going to be the most highly experiential collaborative trip for five days for highly driven, high performing entrepreneurs. Now, again, real small group, we can take eight or nine couples with us, max, and it's going to happen in October. And the only details that we're going to give you is we're going to share it all on a webinar on Saturday morning, May 18th. And if you can't make it, don't worry, we'll send out a replay. Now, to get an invite for that webinar, you have to text us the word Italy. Text us the word Italy, 2310-421-0416. Again, text us the word Italy to 310-421-0416. That'll put you on the list to get a link to the webinar for Saturday the May 18, where we'll literally reveal everything we're doing on this once in a lifetime trip.

Yeah, these trips have been the things that I have learned from maybe more than anything else. Because when you get outside of your perspective, which you know, we can get outside of our perspective by traveling in the US or by getting in masterminds, which is also huge. But when you take it to a completely different culture as well, there's something about the life and business lessons that you learn of. Wow, this is so powerful to learn how these people live and how they've run a business and why they have so, so much legacy. Like when we got to spend time with the Ferragamos, it blew my mind and made me think so differently. Just about even how I run my business and how I show up in life. So if you are ready to just like completely level up your life, your experiences, how you perceive your business and the people in it, this is the thing that you want to do. And I'm telling you, these are the things that make your life rich. These are the things that make you feel really fulfilled is going and getting stuck so far outside of your normal daily life and comfort zone that you become a different person within that environment.

Yeah, it's going to be incredible. And to make it possible, like we're going to pay for all the experiences. Rob and Kim are, they're arranging all the experiences. We're paying for your $2,000 a night stay for the five days in this beautiful hundreds and hundreds of year old chateau. Like this is going to be something that you probably have never experienced in your life before, the way that we're putting it together, but we're doing it in a way that I don't want to say it'll be within reach for everybody, but it's certainly not going to be crazy, put it that way. So anyhow, very small group going. If you want to hear about it, text us the word Italy 2310-421-0416 and we'll reveal all the details on Saturday, May 18th. All right guys, thanks for listening. Love and appreciate you.