How To Network As An Introvert

Watch people's social media, look for what they need, listen to what they're saying on their podcast when they say they need something, and reach out with a real solution to possibly solve their problem. You're going to be able to make relationships one value at a time. You don't have to walk into a room and be Mr. And Mrs. Charisma. You can build great relationships one value add at a time.

And we're back with another episode of Heat Said she said.

And you got some exciting news, girlfriends. And business Flash sale is officially open.

I cannot wait to be in this room with everyone. It's one of my favorite things that I get to do because this is all about bringing high level women together. Women who know that they're meant for more, who are ready to do big things, who are ready to get out.

There, who are ready to find the.

Women to lock arms with, who are ready to find their business besties. And also, I have to tell you, just have the best day ever. Just truly this event, when I was there last time and the time before, but it just gets better and better. I was like, I could not be more obsessed with the women in this room. Like, getting to spend time with them, getting to talk to them. And at the VIP wine reception, like, really getting to drop in and talk and take pictures and listen to each of their goals. I'm like, these women are so freaking epic. Like, I can't wait to be in a room with everyone from the first.

Two girlfriends of businesses. I already know of women that have started a business together. How wild is that? I already know of women who became each other's clients. I already know of women who became each other's like fractional cmo, fractional cfo. Like, found that resource that they were missing. I'm telling you, everything you need is going to be in this room in this one day. And it's so perfectly situated. I mean, listen, if you are an ambitious woman, if you're an entrepreneur and you want to know how to stretch your dreams this year, and if you're looking for some missing pieces, this is one day to find those answers. It's perfectly situated because it's February 3rd. It's just one day of your time in person. And, and in my opinion, I love it because it's the least expensive investment of everything we offer, right? Instead of 50 to 75,000 for the Elite mastermind, instead of 5 to 6,000 for a roundtable, instead of 12 to $15,000 for the dinner series, this is less than $1,000 if they rush over right now and get it during the flash sale. Less than a thousand bucks for an entire day of masterminding. I don't think there's a better in person deal out there than that, especially because of the proximity of ballers that you bring in. So listen, today, the day this podcast came out, is the day that the seats opened up. Except there's only 2/3 of seats available. Right. There's 60 women in the room. There's only 40 seats roughly available because so many people renewed from the last one. So rush over to girlfriendsandbusiness.com grab a seat right away and you can text.

The word workshop to 310-496-8363 so that you don't miss out on the offer.

Yep. So flash sale 48 hours. Rush over there right now. Either text Lori, text the word workshop.

To 310-496-8363, or hit pause on this.

Real quick and go over to girlfriendsandbusiness.com and just grab one of those seats because they're going to go really quickly. They went in less than 24 hours last time. That's so awesome. Okay, so today we want to talk about how to maximize the people that you are in a room with, especially if you're an introvert. And this is actually somebody wrote in to me and they said, hey, I listen to your show. I would love if you did a specific podcast for introverts and on how to grow our network when we are truly really introverted. So, spoiler alert. So are Laurie and I. We are massive introverts. In other words, we know how to perform and interact when we are in a room of people, we know how to rise to the occasion. But if left to our own device, we would just kind of hang out, the two of us, all the time alone, be perfectly happy. Because we're so introverted. And I have social anxiety or awkwardness when I get into a big group of people for the first time where I'm not running the room.

Oh, my God, Chris. I'm thinking back to so many events where we have gone and sat at, like a table by ourselves around the edge of the event, so afraid that.

No one's gonna sit with us.

And we're also avoiding people in the past, so.

Or we go back to the hotel room on breaks instead of interacting because we're such introverts.

Yes. Now we try not to do that. We try to, like, stay in the room and know that, like, okay, we're here for a reason.

But the Point is, these are muscles we had to build. Yes, we had to build that introverts out there. This is for you. We're going to give you four or five ways that you can thrive and still network as an introvert. So, Lori, what's the first one?

Okay, in the beginning, what I did was honestly, I built a podcast. And remember that my podcast started with zero listeners. And I was just really clear that I was going to work really hard on getting a few people who I really looked up to and mentors who I looked up to. And one of the ways that I did this, you know, some people are like, how did you get some bigger guests on earlier on in the show? Like in the first six months I had some bigger guests on. And the reason that I was able to do that, whether that grew the podcast or not, which I'm sure it helped, was because I had invested in the rooms that they had. So, you know, I had coached with Gabby Bernstein. I had gone to her Spirit Junkie masterclass multiple times. And so she was more willing to say yes to being on my podcast because I had invested quite a bit in her and I had always shared her stuff and brought value to her and gone to her book tours and brought 10 different friends to her book tours.

So.

So yes, this is how bigger names end up. Saying yes to you is you keep showing up, adding value to them over and over again, and you show that you'll move the needle. So when I said, hey, I started a podcast, that was a way that she came on. This also happened with Lewis Howes. I was able to get him on because we had invested in his mastermind and we created a relationship and I always shared his stuff and I always shared his podcast and I always brought people to him. And so in the beginning, as a introvert, podcasting for me and getting in these rooms was one of the biggest ways for me to start connecting intentionally with people. Because what happened with the podcast is I got to make relationships in these 45 minute to one hour conversations every single week. Did I like showing up for them in the beginning or even now? No. They're hard. It's awkward for me. I get nervous before a lot of them or I dread it, but then once I'm on, I love it. So that's just an introvert trait.

What I don't think people realize is when you have a podcast and you spend a half hour an hour going deep immediately with somebody on the other end of the podcast, interviewing them, asking them about their life, letting them tell Stories that creates an emotional connection that happens faster than any other form I've seen. Let me repeat that. When you have a podcast and you interview someone, that intentionality for 30, 45, 60 minutes creates such a bond that you go from strangers to. To like, oh, my God, I love you. How can we collaborate? Or, hey, I'm here for you. If you ever need anything, reach out. I can't tell you how many times that has happened to me with someone who, you know, 60 minutes prior, they didn't know me at all. They were just coming on the show 60 minutes later. All of a sudden, we were total besties and we had plans to collaborate together. So does it have to be a podcast? No. Lori's point is, podcasts were great for that, but have a platform that you can invite people onto in order to still network in a safe way. For introverts, that might be a big Facebook group where you bring people in to teach to your Facebook group, that might be a podcast where you bring them on and you interview them. It might be that you have a great YouTube channel and you bring them on to give them exposure on your YouTube channel. You might be great at Instagram Lives and you bring them on to do an Instagram Live, have a platform that has value so that you can bring them on and connect with them in a very safe, feeling way. So that's our first introvert tip on how to connect when you're an introvert. What's the second one? Here it is. You may not excel at walking into a room and striking up conversations. You may not have that natural charisma. You may have a lot of fear or social anxiety or awkwardness when you walk into a room. I know a lot of my top, top, top performing friends have the exact same thing, and so do I. But there's always a workaround. And one of those workarounds is keep your eye out for how you can add value to people. So, sure, you may not be the person who walks in the room and strikes up the conversation and talks to everybody, but you may know that there's one person in there that you can connect to a missing piece. You might know that there's one person in there that the business that you have could solve their problem. You might know there's one person in there where you have a suggestion on how to help get them over a hurdle or a challenge that they have. So get real good at asking people, hey, what are you working on right now? And what are one of the things that you really need to Solve to get to the next level. Have that one question ready as an introvert. Like, oh, man, I would love to hear what you're working on. And also, like, maybe what one thing you need to solve right now in order to go over your next hurdle is get them talking about themselves and then you looking for a solution for them. Maybe it's an introduction, maybe it's an answer, maybe it's a suggestion. It's a really safe way to interact as an introvert. And this expands outside of rooms, by the way. If you're an introvert and you want to connect with people and you can't even see yourself getting into a room because you're so scared right now, that's okay. Just watch people's social media, look for what they need, listen to what they're saying on their podcast when they say they need something, and reach out with a real solution to possibly solve their problem. You're going to be able to make relationships one value at a time. You don't have to walk into a room and be Mr. And Mrs. Charisma. You can build great relationships one value add at a time. So that's the second one, the third.

Idea, the third one is to go in the rooms. Yes, I know he just said you don't have to, but if you do want to accelerate it, go in the rooms.

We get it.

We are introverts. We don't ever want to go, but when we do, it pays off more than I think maybe anything else we do besides our podcast is to go get face to face with people. It's just a different energy. But here's the deal. The reason I wanted to bring this up is because if you're an introvert, you can go into the rooms in a different way. In the past, I remember, like, when I first started doing this, I can remember one girl in particular that I was like, oh, my God. Like, she's successful because she's so outgoing and she demands all the attention and in fact, she hogs all the attention. I was like, I'll never be that. I sat back quiet, and I was like, I don't know if I'm gonna be successful because I'm just not that. And what that's gonna do is it is going to kick you out of the game immediately. If you think that way, introverts can still win so much, maybe even more by going into the room and being really intentional.

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So if you know you're going to go into an event, into a networking event, into a mastermind, into a whatever type of event that it is, you just need to go get intentional with being armed with two or three questions of things that you absolutely would love to get answered by these people. And maybe even only meeting two or three people, but allowing yourself to have a bit of deeper conversations with them, asking them why are they here, what do they need? And then sharing why you're there and what you need. And so I know for you and I, Chris, like a lot of times we'll leave these things and just leave really close to two or three people. And that has been so game changing for us rather than what I used to think that I had to work the whole room and I would feel so overwhelmed and defeated and be like, why do I even go to these? Because I'd end up feeling like I got nothing. Because you can't go deep with a ton of people.

Lori's point was get more intentional about getting into the rooms. I'm going to add to that. Get more intentional about getting into the right rooms. Rooms that are made for introverts. So it's funny, whenever I start my mastermind out for the year, I'm like, hey, where's my introverts in here? Okay, I curated this room small enough so that you cannot hide, right? So that's an example of like a right room where you're choosing it because you can't hide in it due to the size of the room or due to how they facilitate it. Another great example, our dinner series. It's literally an unapologetic intentional networking event where we're going to force you to break out into well curated exercises to meet people and add value to each other in ways that you wouldn't do on your own if you're not a natural outgoing person. So that's an example of being intentional about what type of room that you're going into. Is it the type of room where the work is done for you? Is it the type of room where the introductions are done for you? Is it the type of room where the networking or the getting Past the discomfort is curated for you because there's some rooms where you just show up and you have to be Mr. Mrs. Charisma. You have to strike up the conversation. And there's nothing wrong with those rooms, they're awesome for outgoing people. But then there's some rooms where all of the collisions are intentional, all of the collisions are forced and it helps that introvert be able to have those natural collisions that they wouldn't normally have on their own. So get more intentional about which rooms you're getting into and choose the ones that are made for introverts.

So the last one is to bring.

The party to you.

Host small get togethers. If you are introverted and you don't love the way that things are running, or you don't love the certain rooms that you're in, or you're not loving certain groups, invite people and create your own and facilitate it. Like one of the things that Chris and I have done that we've loved the most is we've facilitated our own events and invited people or put it out there of exactly what the event is going to be like. If you don't like how certain things are done or you think that you could do a better job for people who are just like you, then create it. Start small. Big things start small.

I did this when we moved to la. Remember Introvert here. So like going to all the big events, going to all the things in LA in order to get to know people was not going to be in my wheelhouse. But I knew I wanted to meet everyone. So I was like, okay, how can I do this? I said, oh, I know I will bring the party to me in a way that I can control. So I feel safe. I feel safe sitting around a dinner table with six, eight, ten people curating conversation. So I literally picked a restaurant, rented out their back room and sent out invitations to people that I wanted to meet. Some of them were people I already knew, some were just warm introductions and some were like, hey, you don't know me, just move to the area. Big fan of what you're doing. I putting this dinner together, it's totally free. I'm covering the bill. I'm just trying to get some like minded people together. Let me know if you want to come. And that first dinner, you know, worked out pretty good. Six, eight people. Next dinner, 1012 people. Right away. The third dinner I had rent the back of Red O in Santa Monica and It was like 30 people in a way that I felt comfortable because I was bringing them to Me in a curated way that I felt comfortable in. And I went on to keep doing all these dinners and it's how I got to know everybody in LA that was almost impossible to get to know. It's why there's not a restaurant I can't get into there. It's because I rented all their back rooms. It's why I know so many people there and have some of these high level relationships that you see me when you see me, you know, having these high level celebrity friends and all stuff. It all came from putting together rooms that I felt comfortable in creating the container that they ended up wanting to come to because they heard how great these rooms are. So there's real power in just bringing the party to you and curating it in a way where you feel comfortable. And the side benefit to that is you become the center of attention.

And you know, if you're listening to that story and you're like, well, I still don't know, how did you invite these celebrities or how did they hear about, you know, this event that you.

Did that's like dinner 10. It started with dinner one with a bunch of people that weren't as intimidating.

Exactly.

So you have to start with just.

People that you're comfortable with first, then also also prove out your method. Meaning we knew that great questions are what people wanted to connect over. So put a questions bowl in the center, use question cards, say, I'd all like for you to go around and answer this question.

Like, let's all get to know each other.

I know these dinners can sometimes be uncomfortable with all brand new people. Here's some questions that you can use. You guys, it's so much easier than you think because people just want to talk about deeper things and they want people to be interested in them.

I did that and it was so uncomfortable. But I was at a big dinner in LA and there were all sorts, you know, the whole range of people there. One of them was a total a lister that you would know right now who I just had a very light, warm relationship with, but definitely not a friendship with. And it was somebody else's dinner. But, you know, we're all sitting around, maybe 20 of us around a dinner table, and I could tell everybody was kind of getting to know each other, having awkward conversations. It was very divided. So I literally just said, okay, screw it, I'm going to ask better questions. And I said, hey everybody, if I could get your attention real quick, I got something kind of valuable that we could do. I know a lot of people here don't know each other. I thought if we could maybe go around the table and each take one minute, sharing one thing that we're passionate about right now and working on and one thing that we could really use an introduction or some advice on, I feel like that would kind of break the ice and get everyone to know each other and maybe we'd walk away with some better relationships and the night. And I was so afraid to do that, but I did it right. So everyone went around the table and they all took their one or two minutes of saying those things. Well, at the end of the night, this. A lister comes up to me and says, you know, man, I knew I liked you, but this was the night where I knew I fell in love with you. You took control and added value with better questions to an otherwise maybe not so fun situation. So even as an introvert, have those really valuable questions that you can use to curate whatever room when you've brought people to you, or even if you just find yourself in a room.

All right, guys, I hope that this has helped. I know that this helps even for people who are non introverted, to come up with different ways to connect with people more. But just remember, I do not want you to forget that the big things start small. Like everything Chris and I have done has started with groups of two, groups of four, groups of six. And we test our theory out, we try things on, we see what works and what doesn't work, and we just take big risks because at the end of the day, it's easier to deal with the pain of taking the risk than to sit in the pain of wondering, what if?

And here's a safe room where you can have safe, intentional collisions that'll be done for you girlfriends in business. Lori.

So you can go to girlfriendsandbusiness.com or text me the word workshop to 310-496-8363.

There's a flash sale going on right now for 48 hours, literally. Stop this podcast. Get over to girlfriends andbusiness.com grab a seat if it's left. Sold out in 24 hours. Last time. All right, guys, thanks for listening. Love and appreciate you.

Bye, everyone.