How to Set Up Your Boundaries & Your Environment to Have More Peace In Your Life with Trent Shelton

I could be doing more, but at the sacrifice of what it's like the.

Most underrated thing that you can possibly do for your life. Your stress, your peace, your relationships, attention.

And being present is one of the greatest gifts that you can give a person.

And when you're in that place of fear, you just think you have to answer everyone or everything to try to get those opportunities.

You know, you can have everything on the outside, but if you don't have everything on the inside, you. You don't have nothing.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Earn your Happy podcast. I have an incredible human being on my show today. He is also a fellow Growth Day teacher in the Growth Day app. If you guys have not gone to Girls Day, I am telling you, this is content and information and workshops and masterclasses that you would have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for to hear from these people all in one spot. And today I have Trent Shelton on the show and let me tell you, I dropped in on this conversation and this was so soul filling for me. He's a former NFL wide receiver, now considered one of the most impactful self worth and transformational speakers of this generation. If you follow him, you know why? He is incredible. Husband to Maria and father of three. And he just released his new book, Protect yout nine Unapologetic Principles for Thriving in a Chaotic World. And let me just tell you, when I started reading this book, I was in tears because it's like hearing your higher self reminding you the things you need to be ruthless about to protect your happiness. It's as if your soul could write a book. This is what it would want to tell you. He's so great at holding boundaries, prioritizing his family, and creating space for experiences to be in nature. And we both bonded over this so much because that has been a huge key for me to maintain my sanity and find my happiness. Trent and I are both huge believers in how your environment informs how you should feel. He also talks about the power of trigger environments and how you can use places as a way of getting into a certain mindset.

He also shares how he puts family.

Experiences first to protect his most important relationships. And I know if you're listening to this podcast, you have some big aspirations. And this entire conversation isn't just a way to be happy and avoid burnout along the way. It's full of things like setting boundaries and saying no. That will be required of you to make your biggest dreams your reality and actually enjoying your life in the process. So you guys, let's get into the show. Trent, welcome to the Earn your Happy podcast. I'm so excited to have you on the show.

Thanks for having me, Laura. I really appreciate you.

So, you guys, before we popped on, I was just telling Trent because I spent a couple hours this morning reading his book, which now I'm probably going to finish it in the next day or two. But it had me crying in, like, the first 10 pages. Not because I felt sad, Trent, but because I felt not alone. And I felt like I knew what God has been telling me to do, like, unapologetically. But sometimes we can, like the way that we grow up. We can feel bad about needing to do certain things in our life for our purpose to come out or for us to want to, you know, protect the sacred things in our lives. And for those of you who don't know, Trent has a book out right now called Protect yout Peace, and it's the nine Unapologetic principles for thriving in a chaotic world. And I really just think it's the nine unapologetic principles for becoming who you're meant to be and just for keeping the things in your life sacred that you want. So I want to start out just talking about. Because I know that you have an incredible story, but just tell me a little bit about even where this concept came from when you got this in your head.

Yeah. So thank you, Lori, by the way, and I appreciate it. I started saying protect your peace probably in about, like, 2009. And those words came from, if I remember back, it's like, protecting my peace from, like, bad energy, you know, bad people. I want to say bad people. But, like, in that time of my life, just things that didn't serve me, and I started to live by that. But in 2016 is when it became really, really real. For my 2015, I was on a tour and my own tour, and I was just doing all the cities, and everything was great. Social media was booming, and I'm becoming this person online, but behind the scenes, I was, like, dying inside. I had people on my team that I needed to fire, but I didn't want to because they were my friends. I had personal things going on, and I had an encounter which they were reading the book where, you know, it was outside of a show, and I ran into a guy that basically just showed me that, you know, you can have everything on the outside, but if you don't have everything on the inside, you don't have nothing. And that everything on the inside is peace. And from that moment, I decided to Prioritize, you know, peace in my life and with that and protect my peace. And what that really meant for me.

I can resonate so much with, I think, from the outside, people can look at your life and be like, oh, my God, he was doing all the things, and he's the guy on the stage, and he's the one that everybody's coming to see. And that's what people think. Think that they want. And that can still be so fulfilling. But if we're not doing the things in our life to protect our piece, our schedule, keep the people in our life that we want in our life and spending time with them, I. It was 2017, and it was when I was writing my book. And it's so funny that, like, the lessons come when you're doing the thing that you think is going to make you happy and bring you fulfillment. So I had just written a book on connection, and it was like, connecting women deeper in their friendships and all of these different things. And I was touring. I toured that book for a year. And I remember being on stage, and it was the loneliest I have ever felt in my life. Trent I was so lonely. I wasn't making any time for the relationships that I wanted. I was saying yes to everybody else. I was, like, taking care of my family way more than I should have been. And I just had that breakdown moment of, what do I like, what do.

I have to do?

I thought this would be it. And it. What? The question I want to ask you is, how do we differentiate? How did you differentiate between, okay, is it my calling that's making me tired? Is it this thing that I'm doing that makes me feel no energy? How did you start sorting through that feeling of, wait a minute, this is all backwards right now?

For me, I think it was. It comes down to pace. And I didn't really talk about it much in the book. It was one of those things that came after. And I'll be in the audiobook. That comes later. But I realized, like, you. You hit the nail on the head. Like, when you're. You can be doing what you love, when you're not taking care of yourself, when you're not making time with the relationships. I always say that blessing can become a burden, and you start to resent it. You know what I mean? The thing that you love, you start to hate. And for me, I realized that I was allowing the wrong things to control my pace. It's kind of like a runner, you know, I was allowing scarcity. I was allowing, like, fomo, I was allowing comparisons. Probably the main thing like, oh, I have to be doing this because they are doing this. I have to do it like this. And these things were burning me out. So it wasn't that my calling was the thing like that I'm hating or resenting. It was just the things that came with it. And so what I decided to do, I just say, you know, I'm going to run at a pace that's controlled by peace. I'm going to run at a pace that's controlled by trust. And knowing that I don't have to rush the process, I don't have to be in panic mode, I can be in trust mode, as I call it, to say, as long as I'm doing the right things, as long as I know that, you know, I'm doing the things that move this company forward, then at the right time, you know, the boom will happen if that's what's supposed to happen. And that really helped me because to some people, I was. I looked like probably like a turtle. Like, man, you're not doing enough. You need to be doing more. And, you know. And you know how it is. You know, you. We're in these rooms and things like that. And it's. And it's great and it's inspiring. And it's like, man, I could be doing more, but at the sacrifice of what. And so I had to learn how to say, yes, that's inspiring. I can take a little bit of that. Yes, I can push here. And so I learned how to find myself in my seasons, where, like, right now, I'm in a season of a very fast pace. But if I stay in this pace for months and months and months, I'm going to be burnt out. I'm going to hate the book. So I'll have my week, but also say, I'll rest and reset and say, you know what? Okay, we did this. Let's take some time off, let's go have some fun, let's do whatever. And therefore, it makes the journey more enjoyable.

Okay, so you have three. You broke this up into three different sections in your book, which I love. So you. The first one is protect your energy. And one of my favorite topics under this one is boundaries, because I'm sure that you started to think about this and like, okay, I want to control my pace. What are the things that I have to do for you? Was it clear that you had, you know, hard conversations and boundaries to set? How did you set those boundaries? And what are the challenges that come up when we're setting those, and how do we overcome them?

Yeah. So I'll start with the challenges. We don't want to set boundaries because of worry and guilt. Yeah, it comes down to those two things. We feel guilty that we're leaving people behind or we're shutting people out. Are we worried what's going to come with it? Like, if I said this boundary, what are they going to say about me? You know, I've been in plenty of situations where I've been the yes man for years, but as soon as I became, I say, like, the no person for the day, it's like, man, like, I'm a terrible person now. And I always say this, and I want to share it. Like, if no changes the relationship, then that relationship probably wasn't real in the first place. And I had to realize that. And so me send boundaries was more. So what do I need in my life? And I thought about the people who needed me to be at my best. Right? My family. Okay, so I gotta set boundaries with this outside world if I'm going to be the father or the husband I need to be. Because this is the thing for me, Laurie. And everybody's different. My measure of success oftentimes, like, my main measure of success is who I am when I walk through these doors. You know, my kids, like, I'm their hero and. And I'm their hero, and I love that. Like, I don't want to be hero to the world because I don't have no boundaries, and I'm doing everything for everybody else. When I walk in my house, my kids don't have a relationship with me. And so I had to set those certain boundaries because there was more important things. And so I realize this too. You know, boundaries aren't a wall or barrier to keep things out their bridges let the right things in. And if you do boundaries, right, and you have those hard conversations and you're clearing your communication, because that's the other thing. A lot of people have boundaries. I call them silent boundaries. Like, nobody knows as a boundary because you haven't clearly communicated it. So you're holding resentment with somebody for disrespecting the boundary they don't even know exist. It's like, I had no idea, like, this boundary was here. I didn't know. And so you have to have those conversations, and you have to understand whatever comes with those conversations. It's okay for you to choose you at some point, because I think another issue, and I was thinking about this today as I was reading the book, a lot of times, at least in my journey, I was so afraid to choose myself because I always thought that it was self centered and selfish. And when I changed my perspective to say no, this is serving. Because in me choosing myself, how is this serving the people that need me to be my best? How is it serving my team that needs me to be my best? How is it serving my family, my friends? And I changed my perspective around it so it made it a lot easier for me to set those boundaries. And if you keep saying yes when you want to say no, you're going to start a war within yourself. And the question I would ask is would you rather be at peace with the world and at war with yourself or would you rather be at peace with yourself and at war with the world? And mine was I would rather be at peace with myself and deal with everything else.

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Tell you that you're selfish for your boundaries and how did you deal with that?

Yeah, I've had people like I have a boundary. That's, that's pretty. It's so funny because people reading this books like my bad, I didn't mean to text you before 12pm so I have a, I have a boundary that, you know, it's negotiable obviously right now, like it's like I have to do things before 12pm but I try to keep this boundary where before 12pm I usually don't do anything with the outside world. Right. I usually don't do calls or zooms unless I have to. And it's just time for me. And so yes, a lot of people are like bro, like I've been trying to reach you all day. Like you stay on do not Disturb, like your phone. And I realized like Do Not Disturb mode on my soul helps me become a better person because my focus is just how how I work. If I'm focused on an email or I'm focused on somebody's call, it can shift my whole day, and I'll be on a call for two hours because I don't want to say, hey, bro, I have to go. I need. I got to do something. My good heart will literally make me listen for three hours. And I wasted a whole day. And so, yes, there's people who have called me selfish, but I didn't take it personal. You know, I mean, I was just like, they just don't understand. And I will say this. What also helped me build confidence is, like, I call perspective switching. So if I was in a situation, I truly care about somebody. So, for example, Lori, if you said, hey, Trent, I can't do this, right? I know your heart. I know who you are. So if you're telling me you can't do this, then Lori must have really needed that yes for herself. And I'm okay with that. And so that's what helped me be able to, like, set boundaries and have a whole perspective around it.

Oh, my God. So good. If it's a no and it changes the relationship, that probably wasn't meant for you. That is, like, such a huge takeaway for me. You and Chris both have the don't disturb me before at a certain time, but that was a Trent, that was so hard for me because he instilled that when we were rebuilding our lives, like, we had lost everything, we were super in debt, and we had been network marketing. And, you know, when you're in that place of lack and when you're in that place of fear, you just think you have to answer everyone or everything to try to get those opportunities. So he was like, not answering messages from our team, and it was like 10am and going, you have to answer those. And he goes, no, you. You teach people how to treat you. I'm never going to answer those. Before that time, I liter had pure panic around it. And then he taught me that and the importance of that because I was a mess, Trent. Like, I was so anxious. I was always like, I wake up to these messages and I'm so overwhelmed. And then I started to not like what I was doing. I started to resent the people. So to your exact point, that was probably one of the most powerful things that I've had to learn. And also, have you had a moment in your life where you have operated from that lack and that fear of, maybe I won't get this opportunity again if I don't say yes?

Yeah. I mean, especially when I first started out, I think even around, like, Covid time was a big time for me because you didn't know what was going on. So I felt like I had to say yes to everything because I'm like, who knows where the world is going? And during that time, I even found my peace even more because I'm like, man, I'm burnt out. I'm doing zooms every single day, you know, speaking on stages through zoom a lot. And it was out of a place of scarcity, of fear. I think a lot of us actually felt that in the industry or just people in general. And so, yeah, But I realized that it was bringing a spirit inside of me that was very enjoyable. I don't think my kids liked it. I don't think Maria really liked it. It wasn't like I was an angry person. I just was irritated all the time, and I didn't have time for the things that really mattered to me in my life. So I had to make some changes with that.

Okay, so protect your mind. You talk about trust, you talk about vision and guarding your shift in perspective. This is a. This is so huge for all of us because we're constantly pinged daily with a million things. I was just thinking yesterday about how many different notifications we have and how these apps are, like, so programmed, and there's so much science behind getting our attention. How on earth do you learn to block it all out and focus?

Yeah, one, I don't have notifications on at all.

Mine are off now.

Yeah, I don't. I don't have it, and I don't feel. And this took a while because I always felt the need to, like, you know, because you'll have people that, oh, you didn't respond to me. You don't care. And that used to get to me a lot until I had to come to a point where it's like, bro, you just spent an hour responding to people. It's like the one person that you didn't respond to. So I had to let go of that and knowing that I really do care. But, you know, changing the relationship with my phone, you know, I put my phone away because my phone is next to me. I'm gonna go look at my phone. I'm gonna start scrolling. Like, I don't trust myself with my phone. And I think we give ourselves too much credit to be like, no, I'm super locked in. I'm sure it's people that's like that. Like, I'm not gonna get distracted. And I'm a big flow state guy, like, with creativity. Like, I need to be in my flow state. I need to be in a place In a zone where I lose track of time, in a sense, and I'm just focused. But as soon as I put my attention to something else in my phone, it will mess up the whole ship. Like, it will mess up the whole flow. And so I know that I can't operate like that, so I'll put my phone somewhere else. Even with relationships, even in our marriage, like, learning how to put the phone away, because, you know, back in the day, our parents didn't have a phone there to distract. You know what I mean? Like, you had to spend time together at the dinner table. We didn't have a phone there to distract. And so I've tried my best to put these. We fail sometimes at it, but I've tried my best to put these. These. These parameters in place to, like, hey, when we're doing these things, no phone, let's pay attention to ourselves. Because end of the day, and I'll say this, attention and being present is one of the greatest gifts that you can give a person. And I talk about this in the book with my daughter Maya, being a gymnastics class. And she really taught me this lesson. And it's more in the protect your soul part, but it goes with, you know, guarding your focus, too. And she looked up at me, and I was on my phone, and I just looked down. She saw me, and she just had a look of disappointment. And it broke my heart because I'm like, man, is what's on my phone more important than having this moment with my daughter? You know, because these moments aren't guaranteed and for sure, she's not going to be four years old forever. And so I put my phone away, and I've told myself this, and this is a tactical thing that Mike can help everybody listening. It's a simple thing that I tell myself when I'm in moments and I find my mind getting distracted or flowing somewhere else, I bring. To bring it back. I say, how can I be more present in this moment? So I'm having conversation with somebody. How can I be more present in this moment? And giving someone your attention, I think, is one of the greatest gifts that you can give a person. So it helps me a lot to stay focused.

Do you have parameters that you kind of speak out loud to your family, like you kind of mentioned? Okay, we're gonna not use our phones with this. Like, do you. Do you speak them out loud so that they're really clear?

Yeah. Okay. I just, like, put the phones away right like this, straight up. It's just that. But okay, it's that. And then so, you know, I let my kids be kids too at the same time. You know, sometimes I have some strictness, but also I want them to be kids and, and learn these things. And so, you know, I'm not the perfect parent when it comes to that, but I try my best to just say, I'll say put the phones up, like, let's pay attention, let's talk about our day. Let's connect more as a family, you know.

So yeah, okay, you talk about environments and so you're in all of these different environments all the time. And I'm a huge just like believer in our environment is kind of always in informing us how to feel. Tell me about how you say environments hold energy.

Yeah, the room that I'm in right now, you know, when I walk into this room, it holds in an energy of creativity. During COVID my office that I was once creative, it held the energy of stress at that time, like because there was no escape. And we all know that. So nature became my office. I would go out in nature, I record my videos in nature. You can watch my lives. I'm out there and I end up joining. And I realized that nature gave me a gift of creativity, a gift of peace, a gift of connection. And so my best idea is we have meetings as a team out there in nature. And so I also call it trigger environments. Like, and what that is is when you go into an environment, what does it trigger? And so if you need an environment of inspiration, what's that environment? If you need an environment of happiness, what's that environment? So if I'm you, I'm writing down a list of environments that can bring me what I need in my life. And so when I need a reminder of how far I came or if I'm getting complacent in a negative way in this journey, I go to my parents house because that's where rehab time started in my room in 2009. As soon as I walk into that room and look around, I said, man, look how far you came. And that just gives me the hint of inspiration that I need.

That's a huge one for me is especially in the protecting your mind part and focusing like I for how many different types of things that everybody is doing in the world and for the things that we do where it does require, like sitting down and getting creative and focus. Just going out in nature gives you so much more than you can get anywhere else. Like even the fact that like our eyes scan back and forth like nowhere.

Else in your Life are you doing that?

And that helps your brain. And the green is so good for you. It helps you get so creative. And it's like for me, even just the fact of looking up changes what you're thinking about, helps you get more into that creative mind rather than when you're inside, if you notice, you're always looking down. And I feel like ideas come from really when you're kind of like looking up and thinking. And nature has been. It's like the most underrated thing that you can possibly do for your life. Your stress, your peace, your relationships. Do you guys do. Do you do family walks at all or do you and your wife do walks?

We do. So my wife isn't a nature lover like me, but I get her out there as much as I can. Like, yeah, we have a backyard. You know, it's kind of. I call it city country. Like, we're not all the way in the country, but we do have like llamas and cows right behind us. So it's country enough to where, you know, we can go back in the backyard and have a little bit ahead of nature. But we have a trail, five minutes. So yeah, we bring the dogs out there, the kids get out there, and just everybody's more calm. And like, my wife and even my son is like, man, I just feel better. Like, yeah, that's the hack of nature. Literally. It's free medicine for your soul.

It really is. So tell me about some of the conversations that you have with your family around this. Like, are you bringing awareness around this topic? Are you guys talking about how you can have, you know, like, more quality time together, more peace? What is, what is your conversation like with your wife and your family around this topic?

Yeah, we. When we just did this with Jesse Isler's calendar, the big ass calendar, and we got it and he sent it and we sat down and you know, and I love that from him because we sat down and said, man, how can we create more experiences? And I will let the girl pick their experiences. I will let Tristan pick his experience. So me and Tristan, I mean, he's an athlete, so a lot of our experiences are football related. But I said, man, how can we take trips? And so at least once a quarter we go somewhere as a family, you know, I mean, that's a non negotiable. And I know some people might not be as fortunate to go like to a vacation, but at least get out. We have a cabin in Broken Bow. It's called Protect your peace cabin. So we go out there A lot to be able to connect and. And disconnect from the world and reconnect to our family. You know, the cell phone service sucks, so ain't no cell phones that show on WI Fi, but they don't even want their cell phones out because it's such a peaceful place where it's almost like it forces you to slow down and you're okay with it. And so we do a lot of our family connection out there. So anytime we feel stressed or we feel like as a family, we're kind of butting heads or somebody needs a break, we'll take a trip two hours north of Dallas and go to Broken Boat to our cabin.

What are some of the things you do there?

We do. We do fire pits, of course. We do s' mores at night. Broken Bow has one of the most beautiful lakes I've ever seen. When you think about Oklahoma, you don't think about. No offense to everybody from Oklahoma, but you don't think about, like, this beautiful place and. But it feels like you're almost on the west coast, like mountains. And we go out there, we fish, we go out there, we just sit by the water and skip rocks, we hike a little bit, and really we just build connection with each other. Of course we do escape rooms, all that stuff. But the main thing is fishing and just sitting by the water and just taking it all in.

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Have you had any, you know, Chris And I have a lake house in Wisconsin. And I just feel like I'm like, how did I operate before making myself go away somewhere, like, where you just can listen back in? Have you had any, like, kind of profound moments or takeaways from that? Like, from being totally disconnected and in the woods? I'm sure you've had multiple, but is there one that kind of pops out to you?

So I'll say this, and I'll kind of give it a situation. Like, I feel like nature is God's natural medicine for the soul. And I really feel like that. And when I was going through the situation with losing my mother, even after I lost my mother, it's like I feel her spirit with me out there more than ever. I feel more connected to God there. And I tell people all the time, I love church, and I go to church, but that's almost my church. It's my place to cry. It's my place to ask God, like, what's up, bro? Like, what's going on? It's my place to talk to Mom. And it gives me this internal alignment, this centeredness that just lets me know everything's going to be okay. Even when everything around me is, like, it's not okay. It gives me a wisdom that I feel like it gave me this book. I mean, this book literally was. Most of this book was written in my cabin or was wrote out there on the trails. And this. It came with so much clarity because I was trying to do it in here. I'm just like, I need to go out into peace to protect my piece, to write protect my piece. So it just. It downloads a lot of wisdom in my soul.

Oh, yes. Anybody who's listening, I'm like, please go out in nature, because it is that. That just really hit me because those are the places for me that, you know, I was raised in a. A pretty, like, restrictive religion, but very, like, three times a week in the church. And as a teenager, I started to just, like, go. I would just explore. I'd be out for hours and hours. And I remember thinking, I'm like, wait, I. I feel like I hear God way more out here than I've ever. I actually haven't heard anything in the four walls of where I'm at. And I'm not saying, you know, to each individual person, it's kind of, you know, their own thing. But for me, it was always nature and just having this moment of. I was in a walk yesterday by the ocean, and I was kind of struggling with this whole, like, you know, Life thing of feeling chaos and feeling like there's so much to do and what should I be doing? And I thought of that quote, like, everywhere you go, there you are. Because I was just frustrated that I'm like, why am I always anxious? And then I had this. Because I'm in nature and I'm by the ocean, and I was walking for a while. I had this sentence pop in that was literally. I felt like God said, yeah, but everywhere you go, there I am too. And I just had this moment, and that's what happens in nature. For me, it never. It doesn't happen on zoom. It doesn't happen at a desk. And kind of like you. I wrote my book from taking long walks and taking voice notes, like, and having these moments. So the whole book is. Is so incredibly good. And also just the fact that you keep pointing for people to go and do things outside of what we're doing right now.

Like, there's an incredible quote that says, it's not mine. It says, nature walks the soul back home. And I love that quote because it's just so true. We've even had events out in nature. I call it protect your peace experience, where I bring an acoustic artist out there and we have small events. Everybody takes it in. Everybody gets to walk or jog to a certain location. And nature touches the senses. Like, I think that's one of the only things that you can feel life around you. You hear life, you see life, you smell life. You know, even times you taste life out there. And there's nothing like it in the world to me.

Yeah, we're in it right now. I'm just like, oh, we both. We need to be outside right now. It's so good. Okay, let's talk. Let's talk about protect your soul. So tell me all of the things that have gone into this one.

Yeah, this is probably my favorite part, because I just think it's. I think success is such an internal job. I think it's. That's what success is about, aligning internally. And that's one of the principles, because oftentimes I know in my journey, like, I would look for external alignment, meaning that everything outside of me had to line up, right? The opportunity had to line up. It had to make sense. And my whole journey of this externally didn't make sense. I didn't have certain plans. I didn't have certain visions. Like, I. This wasn't on a vision board. And so. But there was still something inside of me that said, hey, you're going the right direction. Even though I was hitting roadblocks, obstacles, and I know this, I know you know this is true in business, right? You just feel like even though it doesn't look like it, I'm trusting what I feel inside. Discernment, intuition, internal line, whatever you want to call it. And so protecting your soul is a lot about that. Getting in tune with being able to trust that gut, being able to trust that knowing that's inside you. And then the other two principles. One is simplify happiness. And this is my. I say everyone's my favorite, but I love this because especially as entrepreneurs, moms, dads, husbands, wives, all the titles that we have, I think as we've gotten older, that we have made happiness a complicated thing. And people say happiness works off of what's happening. I think that's external happiness, because that's true. But you can still choose happiness in any moment. I can choose to be happy right now. It's an internal job. But a lot of times we put our happiness in other people's hands, in this world's hands, and we wait for the world to give us happiness. And so how I learned to create it and hack it, I learned from my daughter. It's in my book. And I won't go fully into the story, but my 4 year old daughter, look at all my kids, she's just happy that it's morning. Even this morning, she woke up, it's morning, and she has her glasses on and she's just happy, like for no reason. It's just morning. She's happy. She gets to eat Fruit Loops, right? And I'm just like, man, at what part of life did that no longer make us happy, right? At what part of life that we say, oh, all these things have to go right in the day we complicated. So much for me to be happy, right? I gotta have the Starbucks line short. I gotta have everybody like me. No traffic, I can't deal with anything. It's like Mission Impossible. So what I've learned how to do is simplify it. I'm happy because I have a roof over my head. And I know people say, oh, Trent, that's such toxic positivity. Or it's up so optimism. You're so much of an optimist. I'm like, what else is. Like, what else do you want me to do? You want me to just choose, speak, like deaf into my life, or choose to focus on the things that are going wrong? How is that serving my soul? And so simplify happiness is like, I think, a principle that's Going to be a duh moment for people, but it's going to change a lot how they look at life and experience just their journey with peace. And then the other part is fulfillment, living fulfillment. And I think that is the goal of everybody. There's something called a donut adaptation. And what that means is it's a fancy word to say, like, you get used to it. And I think that's what happens for a lot of us is that as humans, whatever we have, we can have the nice car, the nice house, the nice purse, the nice shoes. At some point it's average, right? We begin, we get used to it. And so it's called hedonic treadmill that we're on. So what I try to tell people is how can you find appreciation for the things that you've taken for granted? And I think if you look around your life, and especially when you lose somebody you love or you lose a loved one, you realize this life isn't guaranteed. You want to start doing more of what you love with who you love. And that's what fulfillment is. You know, fulfillment is spending time with who or what you love most. That's the equation. And the lives that I see that aren't fulfilled and I've been this person, it's usually spending time. And listen, there's seasons where you got to do this, I understand, but spending time on what you don't love most or spending time in your business, even though you love your business, but there's some other priorities in your life that are higher. So I had a conversation with a man and I share this in the book. High level CEO, Good. You know, I mean, very. Like he's straight, money wise, everything. And he really don't got to work no more. And he breaks down to me and I'm skipping over parts, but he breaks down to me because he doesn't have a relationship with his daughter. And he says, I bought her the G wagon, I bought her all these things and she still doesn't appreciate me. I said, bro, she wants to love you, but she doesn't need a. I'm saying sugar daddy, but she don't need somebody like, you know what I mean? Just like buying her stuff. She wants her daddy like she wants time. And to make a long story short, he changed that equation because he was saying he loved his daughter. On a scale of five out of one to five, but he was spending on a scale from one to five a one amount of time with her. I said, just take it up to a 5, take it up to a 4 and watch how I change the relationship. And sure enough, he made some sacrifices. He changed his priorities, and he started prioritizing his daughter, and their relationship changed. So that's what fulfillment is to me is like, at the end of the day, looking back and saying, man, I really did what I love to do with who I love to do. And I. And I lived a life based around that.

I love that. Chris and I try to. Because we. We kind of. You. You learn these things through your life experience. Like, all of a sudden, you wake up one day and we're going after a lot of things and trying to accomplish a lot of things and get a. All of a sudden you're like, wait, these things aren't necessarily making you happy because you've gotten used to them. The thing we kind of live by now is, like, make the little things the big things. Because going back to walking, like, our walk is our favorite thing now. Like, that is the thing that is, like, what we get so excited about. That's completely just flipped, I think, how we live, like, you know, we lost some different people in our life, and I think it all came from those moments of going, wait. It's not like these gigantic, like, these memories that you remember where you're like, oh, we got to do this or.

Go on this trip.

It was like these. All these little moments that you think about that were so special, where you're just having coffee together, where you're just on a walk or whatever that is. So it really is like, realizing that it's the little things that really matter, but make the little things the huge things, like, make those the things that you get most excited about. So, Trent, like, you are so public, and for somebody to write, like, protect your peace and feel like you have peace in your life with so many opportunities to be robbed of your peace, whether that's in the comments section or whether that's people who are your friends and want more time from you or people who want to be your friend. All of these different things. How do you. How do you manage that? Like, even just the thoughts around those things, like, feeling bad about not being able to do them.

Yeah. There's times in my journey I've struggled with that, trying to be everything to everybody. And I realized that I wasn't everything to the somebody who needed me, which is myself. And I go back to that all the time. Like, I gotta be who I need me to be, or else I know what's gonna happen. I know where I'm gonna be at I know I'm gonna be burnt out, depressed, rock bottom. I know that is coming if I don't take care. And so, you know, I'm an introverted person by nature. And so I always tell people it's weird. Like, I love helping people, but I'm not a people person. Like, not in the way of. Like, I don't interact with people. Like, I don't get away from me. But I'm just a quiet guy, you know, I mean, I'm just observer. And I like my alone time. I really do. Like, I really enjoy being with myself. And I've always been like that. As a kid, my mom would always say, like, you just stay in your room all day. And I just learned to love my own company. I think when you do that, it just hits different. And most people are afraid to face themselves and deal with themselves and they run for themselves. So they always gotta substitute that by doing something or being around people or, you know, which is cool. But when you isolate and you're able to sit down and ask yourself, what do I need? Where am I at in my life? And ask yourself these questions, it really helps your life. And I fell in love with that. Like, I fell in love with being able to evaluate my life and say, you know what? I'm pretty stressed right now. Let me make these decisions. Let me dial back. Let me say no. Let me cancel plans. I've done that. And I don't feel bad about it. I used to. But I say, I just can't make it. I'm sorry. I apologize. But you know what? I'll catch you on the next round. Life is short. And I think, you know, I'll bring up my mother. I think losing my mother and seeing like. Like, I've lost a lot of people in my life, but mom was the first. Like, that's my mom. So I got to see firsthand, like, the people that came to her funeral, the people who. Who she did everything for, the people who didn't show up for whatever reason, the people who don't come to her grave. Like, I saw that and I. My mom lived for so many people and allowed so many opinions and literally burnt herself out for people. And I said, oh, like, once you're gone, like, the world keeps spinning. People keep living. Time keep ticking. Like, things go on. So I said, man, I don't want to get to this spot knowing I didn't live a life that mattered to me just to please everyone else. And so three years ago, it became even realer for me to stand on those principles in my life. Wow.

Yeah, it's. I mean, we get to get these lessons through you. If we've never gotten to do that in this book, truly, I. Everybody knows on this podcast, I. I'm a huge reader and I don't say it all the time, but this is like, literally, I feel like this is going to be in my top five for life. Because it's such a good reminder, Trent. Like, it's that I was very emotional just even reading it. And like I said, because it's just. It's like as if your highest self could come back and talk to you and tell you exactly what you need. That's how it felt. I was like, oh, I see. Like, I was hearing my soul talk to me. Like, this is exactly what we need more of to get the best version of you. And I think especially. I think especially as women, we can feel really like we want to take care of everyone and. Or like we need everybody to like us. And I know that's not just women. It is, you know, everybody. But this is going to be so powerful for people. So where can we grab it? I'm guessing where all books are sold, but.

Trendshone.Com book we have some bonuses going on there. Again, you have. You know, even with my cabin, we have a cool thing going on right now where we're giving away two free stays there just by supporting the book. Actually, if you support the book, we actually have a thing going on to April. Like, if you don't win the two, you can book it out anytime and get a huge discount just by being a supporter of the book. So those are the things we have going on. And then Amazon, you can go to Amazon and get it there for sure.

Awesome. I didn't even know about this giveaway and we totally sold your cabin.

Yes. Yeah. For sure. Yeah.

That's awesome.

For sure. Yeah, it's available, man. I want people to.

Okay, so we will put that in the show notes as well so that they can grab that. They can just go down and click on the show notes. And Trent, I'm so grateful for you. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Everybody go grab this. This book. Give him a follow. And something that I love that you guys do, all the listeners, is to give Trent a tag on social media.

Tag me.

Let him know what your biggest takeaway was from this podcast, what your ahaha moment was. And until next time, everyone, earn your happy.

Bye.

Bye.

Sam.