How To Stop Editing And Suppressing Yourself

If you're in these groups where you don't feel like you can be yourself, you're in the wrong group. Like, first start testing it out and let yourself be yourself. And if it's getting rejected, you're in the wrong groups. It doesn't mean you have to totally walk away from these people. But what it does mean that you need to start spending more time with people who allow you to be free and fully yourself. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the show. It's time for another quick because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I have been working really hard lately, not only on my new company that is coming in. I can't wait to announce it. Oh my gosh, you guys are going to be obsessed with this product. Like, literally when we were designing it, we had you in mind. And if you don't know, I have done a major pivot from what I originally was doing. And I'm about to share that story with you in probably a month or so. I'm going to do an entire series on why I pivoted and what we're pivoting into. So we are working on that diligently so that we can come out with that and share all of that incredible news with you and take you along for the journey. Because that's why I wanted to start this whole thing in the first place, was to be able to take people, take women along for this ride, to show them what this looks like, to make it possible for you. Because if we don't see it, we don't know what it's really like, then you're never gonna be able to do it. But with that said, I've had to really hone in on my next level self care. Let me tell you also, I'm in my 40s now, which I'm really excited about and really proud of. And let me tell you, it just gets better and better and better. So anybody who's like, oh my God, I'm dreading getting older, all of those things, I'm telling you, I have not had a year where it hasn't gotten better. Okay, I have had a couple rough years, but once you get back into alignment and into your healthy habits, then I'm telling you, it is all about just the lessons that you learn. And as long as you feel good and you're taking extra good care of yourself, I really believe that every single year can get better. And that is my belief and I'm sticking to it. But I wanted to share with you, I have been doing Some incredible things that have been making me feel so good. You guys know about the Power 9? I talk about it all the time. If you want that, all you have to do is DM me the word power on Instagram. That's something that has rocked my world, changed my life, and really made me focus on gratitude for the day and keep my goals in front of me. But I created something else for you because this is all about getting you all of the routines that I do, these simple routines that are shifting my life. And I am really into skin right now because obviously as we get older, you need to take next level care of what you are doing. If you want to feel good in your skin, if you want to have glowing skin, if you want to slow the signs of aging, all that fun stuff. And I have been doing lots of vitamin C. So I've been doing a lot of lemon water for so many different reasons. But what I didn't know is that your body's collagen starts to go down after a certain age, which is like skin elasticity, if you want brightness in your skin, all of those different things. And I've been doubling up on my vitamin C. And one of the ways that I get it, I want to get it in a natural way, is through lemon water. So I have been doing lemon water every single day. It makes it easier when I'm in my Arizona house because I have a lemon tree. But for you guys, just grab a bag of lemons and squeeze a half a lemon into some water every single day. And what I didn't know is that your body has to have vitamin C supplement. Obviously we don't make our own vitamin C, but in order to make your own body's collagen, it's called collagen synthesis, you need vitamin C present, so you actually have to supplement it every single day. So I have been taking lemon water for so many different reasons, and I just went down this rabbit hole of what lemon water does for you. And I love a good routine and a good ritual. That is something that I just take a moment of intention for myself because I really believe, just like in atomic habits that I have been talking about a lot lately is that a lot of the things that we to do or the motivations and the goals that we have are really going to be hinging upon what our daily rituals and our foundation is. So for me, like I said, it's the Power 9. And it's also this lemon water ritual that I'm loving. So vitamin C helps with your own body's natural collagen production. So I've been wanting to up that in a major way. And I feel like I've been noticing a difference. I just feel like I feel better. I feel like my skin is brighter. So if you want my lemon water recipes, some of them have different things in them for inflammation, for puffiness, for all of those things for debloating, you can just DM me on Instagram, Lori Harder. The word lemon. That's all that you have to do. Just DM me the word lemon. Nothing else. No exclamation points, no message with it, just the word lemon alone. And I'm going to send you all of my lemon water recipes that are so simple. Not just that, though, I'm going to tell you why. So if you want to know why I'm doing this, you're going to know why under each recipe. But this is something cool that you can do with your partner, you can do by yourself. It's just that moment of intention of maybe putting that in your body first before your coffee. I'm not saying don't have your coffee, but what if you actually did this one good thing for yourself first? What would that say to yourself? What would that say to the universe? I think actions speak louder than anything. And just your goals are listening, your future self is listening. I think it's an energetic thing that you put out there into the world. Okay, what I want to chat with you about today is where are you editing yourself and where are you suppressing yourself? Because this might be something that we have lived with and that we grew up with and that we do for survival. And of course, that's typically why we start doing it, is because we fear acceptance in our families, in our friend circles or whatever that looks like we don't fit in. Maybe we're the black sheep of the family. Maybe we feel like we don't fit in in our communities. Maybe we feel like we've never had a place to fit. Maybe we feel like we don't fit in in our town and our state, whatever that looks like. And we this other Persona that we think will be accepted, except this other Persona is smothering us and suppressing us and causing real damage. I've been reading some articles on what happens when we suppress emotion and it doesn't get suppressed. You guys, if we think that we're feeling suppressed, it's showing up in other ways. This suppressed emotion either turns into some form of sickness in our bodies or we transfer it. So it's called displacement. And when you take an emotion that you're not suppressing or letting out, we're going to talk about ways to do this in one second, but it gets, gets displaced either on an event or on a human being. Most likely on a human being. So if you have something or somewhere where you are not feeling like you can show up as yourself, or you are feeling like something happened or is happening in a relationship, or you're being treated a certain way and you're not expressing your feelings around it, and you're not expressing your thoughts around it, then that's probably going to show up. Not probably, it will show up somewhere else. And right now, what can be happening is you're not thinking that it's showing up somewhere else, you're just thinking it's showing up maybe in anger or resentment, but it is affecting your energy, it's lowering your energy because you are carrying that with you and that takes up energetic bandwidth. Or it is editing who you are around other people. So you're not really truly coming off as who you are, maybe on social media. So you're not getting the views or followers or desired outcome that you want because you're really not being yourself. You're being a vanilla version of yourself. You're being an edited down, a watered down version of yourself because you're either afraid or somebody's taken away that edge from you and you feel like you can't be yourself. So this isn't going to happen overnight. This is a lifelong process, just like everything is. I don't want to set you up for failure thinking that you can change this immediately. This is something that once you fix one thing, you're gonna notice that, like you're gonna start to be able to become yourself or start expressing your emotion in one way and you're gonna notice it, it's gonna be amplified in another area because now you fixed something. So isn't that cool how that happens, really? Not really. But what it does is it helps you realize the power is in your hands. And you get to start focusing on these other areas one thing at a time, until you get to a place where it's really rare that you notice that you're doing it. And when you do, it's so blaring that you take care of it right away. So maybe this is something where maybe it's in your family. So for me, I grew up in a very restrictive religion and I learned how to be the person that would be accepted in my family and in my particular church. And what this did was I carried around a lot of stress and anxiety. This came about in panic attacks consistently on sometimes a daily and weekly basis. And I didn't know what it was. I didn't know where the panic attacks and stress was coming from. I just thought, I'm a panicky person. I definitely knew that this was something that was affecting me. I didn't realize to what extent I didn't have a spot where I could truly be myself or feel like I was accepted. So as I got older, of course I carried this with me into all of the relationships and places that I went to. And when you're an edited version of yourself and when you're doing this to yourself, guess who you attract? Other people who are suppressing themselves and fear judgment and also feel like they can't be themselves. So you've now got this group of friends that you probably are hanging around with that you're all feeling this way and you all maybe are carrying a lot of judgment for each other because you're judging yourself so harshly.

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So you're gonna have to start finding these people and these places where you start letting yourself show you start being able to become yourself a little bit more and let it be okay. If those first few times you allow yourself to do this that you're so worried about it and you have these people who maybe don't accept you, this is the process, this is what it looks like. But you have to start finding the people in the places where you can start to be yourself. Start talking about that business that you want. Start talking about those big dreams that you have. Start actually being able to, hey, if you're maybe a colorful person or maybe you need to express more emotion or maybe you like to swear. I know this was the case for me. I know that sounds crazy, but it was like I need to start finding these people who will fully accept me for even when I'm weird, when I say I don't know dad jokes and they're not going to say you're so weird or you're such A loser or you're so. I don't even know. Like, these are the things that were said to me. I always got told I was a weirdo, and I'm like, I'm not weird. I'm just goofy. Like, I like to play. I like to say these things and, like, play with people and, like, do these little skits. I know this might sound bizarre to some people, but I swear I was like, where can I find these places where I'm not going to be told I'm weird or, like, eyes rolled or feel judged? And I started to just really, really look for groups of people and start to try to make friends and invite people to different workout classes and invite somebody once a week to go to coffee. And really, if I can play with this and learn to express myself a little bit in these different and new arenas and then also allow myself and maybe these other places where I didn't feel accepted to start being myself a little bit more. And if I wasn't accepted, I would just say, I'm not weird. Like, hey, this is who I am. Like, if you don't like it, that's totally fine. And know that rejection is a major part of allowing yourself to start not suppressing those emotions anymore. So that's just the first portion of what it looks like to start allowing yourself to be yourself and finding these other groups of people where I promise you, if you're in these groups where you don't feel like you can be yourself, you're in the wrong group. Like, first start testing it out and let yourself be yourself. And if it's getting rejected, you're in the wrong groups. It doesn't mean you have to totally walk away from these people. But what it does mean that you need to start spending more time with people who allow you to be free and fully yourself. So spend your brunt of your time with the people who you can express yourself around and fully be yourself and spend less time with those that you don't feel that way. Now, if this is emotion around something, that really isn't going to change. Let's say you have a lot of family stuff. Like, I had a lot of family history and religious history where I still feel like I have to edit myself, then what I do is I really find these places and friends and people and maybe therapists, right? Coaches and therapists, where if you have to go home a lot or maybe if you're trying to fix a relationship and your family, there's going to be a lot to work through that you're going to have to talk about. And guess what? The places where this is happening is not going to be the same places where you're going to work through it. I want to say that again, the places that are really challenging you and the places where you are feeling very suppressed are not going to be the same places and people that are going to help you work through it. So you have to go and find others that you can talk to about this and get like a good third party to weigh in on, on how you can show up, like how you can start dealing with these emotions and be able to express how you really feel and understand that sometimes these scenarios are not ever going to change and make peace with the fact that maybe you don't get to feel how you thought you wanted to feel in these certain relationships. I think the biggest disappointment in our lives is just around the expectation that we had, right? Like maybe we had an expectation around how we wanted our relationship with our dad or our mom to be. And it may never ever get to be that way because of their unhealed trauma or their ability to not be able to face certain things. And that is okay. Everybody is here in this lifetime for different reasons, but we can only deal with and do. We can only deal with and cope and change our personal emotions and situation. So who do you need in your life to be able to work through those situations? So go find those places where you can fully express yourself and fully be able to deal with those emotions so that they don't get suppressed, so that you are getting them out into the world or they're going to end up being dumped into the wrong places. And the relationships that you really want to cherish and nurture, because those are the people that we feel safest around. So of course the most suppressed emotions are going to come up around those. Those people. And we certainly don't want to push away the people that we feel the safest and most comfortable around by vomiting all of our stuff on them and not actually showing up as the person that we want to be for them. So, you guys, these are the two places that I just want to cover today, because these are the most likely places where you are struggling with suppressed emotions. So I'm sending you all so much love. And I want you to know that all of this, no matter how challenging it may feel, no matter how much we want to blame other people for the way that our relationships are or the way that we were raised or upset at our family dynamics or really sad about the expectation around the results of a relationship, how relationships turned out. When we start to understand that we can change this, we get to decide how we're going to show up in those relationships. And when we decide how we're going to show up in a more expressed, empowered way, or understanding that, yes, this might not look how I want it to look, but I'm going to go and deal with all of the emotions that came up later, right? I'm going to go have somebody to talk to about how I feel around these things and how helpless maybe I feel around not being able to change these certain situations and understand that I can keep on trying to show up a little bit different and not let these things impact me, not take them so personally, not be so upset by the fact of how they are responding to the things in their life and know that we don't have control over them, when we can start to be really empowered and know that we can take control over these emotions and these feelings and start learning to have these places where we can go and express and work through the emotion, I promise you that that relationship might change for you. It really, really, really has changed for me. And I actually can't believe how much has changed by just how I have decided to show up by not taking things so personally energetically and not having them feel it, like not being so defensive when I'm around these people or so upset or so confused by having them not understand where I'm coming from. When I let that all go, for the most part, it's not that it's gone away, it's that I now have these other places where I can go and field it and express it and understand that, yes, this might not be the relationship that I want, but I have these other relationships now in my life where I can express it because I've nurtured myself and created them. So you guys work so hard on cultivating these other places is, like I said, this is a work in progress. This is going to be like a two to five to seven year thing. But wouldn't you rather wake up in your life and feel resolved and feel so good about this eventually and know that you put the work in to change it? It's worth it. It is so worth it. So I'm sending you guys so much love. And again, if you want to try these different lemon water recipes that I feel like have kind of set the tone for my entire day, just DM me on Instagram. It's Lori Harder. Drop me the word lemon and that is it. No emojis. No, nothing else. Just Lemon. And I'm going to send you all the reasons why you're going to love this ritual, too. So you guys, thank you, thank you, thank you for always coming over to the podcast and also just sharing your thoughts and sharing the podcast with other people. That's how the pod gets out. Let me know any ideas, anything that you want to hear about. I love talking to you and what's going on in your life. So until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. It.