How to Take Control and Create the Life You Actually Want

I will make getting uncomfortable my comfort zone because I will know that if I'm not uncomfortable every day when my head hits the pillow, then I have a night of discomfort and tossing and turning knowing that I am not doing the thing that God gifted me and the reason why I'm here and that people are waiting for me to step into this big vision. If you don't change today, your next year is not gonna look the same. It's gonna look worse because if we're not making progress, we digress. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Earn Your Happy podcast. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. I have been thinking so much about creating the life that you wish existed, and I'm thinking back to all of the times where I would look at my reality and be super annoyed. I would wish that my life looked completely different, that I had a different set of friends, that I was supported in a different way, that my husband would show up in a different way, that my family would be different. And I was in complete victim mode, whether I realized it or not. I will say there was a little bit of kind of understanding that I was absolutely choosing it, but also that's what my brain was telling me. Was normal. That is how I was programmed my whole life, is to be in victim mode and think that life is happening to you and not for you, and that you really don't have the control that you want to have over your life. And so today we are going to talk about going from victim mode to facilitator mode. So no matter where you are, you can always become more of a facilitator, more of a creator in your life, and your whole fucking life is gonna shift so fast. Get ready, buckle up, literally. If you are ready to do this, your life is going to change. If you don't like the conversations that you are having at dinner, if you got invited out to dinner and you're like, this is another suck-ass boring dinner that I'm going to, or that was uncomfortable, or why do we talk about the stupidest stuff, then you need to be in facilitator mode. Which means that if you don't like the conversations at dinner, whether it's family, whether it's friends, whether whether this is work, whether this is lunch, it does not matter. Bring better questions. If you don't like your friend group, curate a better one. If you want a mastermind, host one. You don't have to charge for it. They can be free. They're free. I do free ones all of the time, meaning I get a group of friends together and facilitate the experience that I want. And you can call it a mastermind, you can call it a business group, you can call it a wellness club, you can call it whatever the hell you want that makes you feel good about getting it together. But get one together. Everybody always asks me, Lori, how do you get invited on these stages? How do you get invited to these rooms? How do you do all of these things? I start them. I literally start them myself. And so if you're like, oh, I can't start them, this is like going to totally bust that myth. Because when I started, I did not have a big following. I had not won any fitness competitions yet. I had not been on any fitness magazine covers. I was not making a lot of money. In fact, I was in debt. I was just an everyday person who wanted more out of my life, and I had to get really, really bold to start curating and creating and facilitating the life that I wanted. Because no one's gonna hand you the experience you want. You are going to facilitate it. I know that you are listening to this podcast and this has landed perfectly in your ears at this very moment because this is a message that you need. You need to be facilitating more experiences in your life that you want because this turns you into a a fucking magnet. Like, you are about to go and show the universe and show God that you are actually going to use the gifts and the talents that you have been given, and you're going to put them into play no matter how many times you get rejected. And you're going to curate circles, because I do believe that we are meant to curate groups of people to come together, to rise above the patterns that we have, to rise above the old way of thinking, to rise above the victim mode, to tune back into God. And I really believe that when we are in a group of 2 or more, you're gonna be able to tune into your higher power with ease. It's gonna be absolutely insane how much easier you are gonna feel like you are connected to your purpose and to something much bigger than you with a whole lot more strength than you. Because remember, if we are relying on our own strength, that is when we feel weak. And when we are getting in groups with people, when we are talking about ideas instead of people, we are gonna feel a strength outside of us like we have never felt before, especially if we're adding some prayer into our life as well. So if you don't like the conversations, you don't like your friend group, if you wanna mastermind, host one yourself because nobody's gonna hand you the, the experience that you want. You have to facilitate it. So if you're waiting to be invited, waiting for the right people to show up, waiting for someone to notice you, you are in victim mode. And it's okay to realize that right now. This is not a bad thing. We all go there. It's actually quite comforting because it makes us feel like it's not our fault. So victim mode is actually quite comforting until it's not, until you're like, this shit sucks, I need to get out of this mode because nothing in my life is happening, nothing's lining up, I feel so frustrated, I'm anxious, I feel depressed, I'm frustrated every day. I don't know about you, but like a lot of my emotions when things aren't going well, they show up in frustration. Some people have different words. Some people feel stressed. Some people feel overwhelmed. Me, I feel like a toddler about to have a tantrum in the candy aisle because my mom is not allowing me to get whatever I want. Like, I feel like I'm gonna full-on crawl on the floor, pound my fists, and freak the fuck out. Like, that's actually how I feel when I am not creating, facilitating, and taking charge of my life. So if you resonate with that, it might mean that you've been choosing victim mode because there is a little quiet part of you that is so comforted by letting ourselves believe that it's not us. Well, guess what? It is us. We are the common theme of why things do not work out in our lives, because we've been reacting the same way that we've always reacted. So nothing changes until something changes, right? Nothing changes if nothing changes. So we have to make a big change of how we respond and mostly how we're acting. So if you're letting life push you around and happen to you, you're actually giving up the thing that we have been blessed with, and that is choice. That is choice. Think all the way back to the beginning of time. We have been able to make free choices for what we want to do with our life. And let me tell you, facilitator mode is completely different. It is magic. Facilitator mode says, I don't like what's happening right now. I don't like how I'm feeling. I'm feeling so frustrated. I'm mad at my husband. I'm mad at my partner. I'm mad at my best friends. I don't like this job. And instead of going into victim mode and saying, I'm not supported, that woman has it different, that life is for her and not me, I bet she, you know, got to get into the best schools, I bet she has supportive parents, Instead of all of those things, facilitator mode says, I'll change it. I'll create the environment I want to be in. I will ask the people that I would love to learn from to get together. And if they say no, I will continue to ask people to get together. I will ask people at my level. I will ask people a little ahead of me. I will do the scary thing and know that it's okay to get rejected because anyone who's ever been successful actually goes for no. And knows that the more nos that you collect, the closer you get to a yes. And you learn so much from the data of the no. And I will make getting uncomfortable my comfort zone because I will know that if I'm not uncomfortable every day when my head hits the pillow, then I have a night of discomfort and tossing and turning and not sleeping and knowing that I am not doing the thing that God gifted me and the reason why I'm here, and that people are waiting for me to step into this big vision to change their lives. And that's the most uncomfortable comfortable spot that you should be, knowing that if you don't change today, your next year is not gonna look the same. It's gonna look worse. Because if we're not making progress, we digress. I'm gonna say it again, guys. If you're not making progress, you digress. So if I just went to the gym every day and just did maintenance stuff, the problem is, is that I am getting older. So I— maintenance things are not going to make me better I'm actually going to need to do a little bit more or think a little bit different or eat a little bit better to fight the changes that are happening in life. And so we always have to be getting a little bit better. We have to be working maybe just a— maybe not necessarily a lot harder, but smarter. And you need to be in progress. So I want you to think about this. If we're going back to the beginning of what we talked about with if you don't like your dinner conversations, because this is a big one for me that has really changed my life. So I want you to think about this. You go out to dinner and the conversation is totally dragging. You're like, oh my God, I don't know how I'm gonna make it through this dinner. So if you have been like me in the past, you're like, all right, well, maybe I'll just, uh, order a cocktail. Uh, maybe I'll order cocktail number 2 and this is gonna hopefully get a whole lot better. Or I just don't give a shit anymore because this conversation sucks and I don't know how, like, I literally don't even know why I said yes to this. So now you're resentful. Instead of all of these things that could be going through your head, or maybe you're at a family get-together and this is how you're feeling, or maybe you got together with a bunch of girlfriends and this is how you're feeling, most people are gonna just sit there, they're gonna check out, and they are gonna massively bitch about it later. And I have been such a victim of this, meaning I have absolutely done this where I'm like, see, this is why I just like, I don't feel supported. This is why I feel like I can't get ahead. These people suck. These conversations suck. All they do is complain. But instead Facilitators, they shift the energy of the room. This is not easy. I am not saying it's easy. What I am saying is that it's life-changing. 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So if you want to take control of any situation that you're in, you're going to have to facilitate it. You're going to have to shift the energy. So instead, they say, you know what, could we play a little game? Or could I throw out like a question for all of us that we could answer? Because I would love to hear how you guys are really doing right now. Like, let's get to the good stuff. And you can say, let's go around and share one thing we're excited about this week, maybe a win that we had, and something that we're struggling with. I highly recommend just starting with one of these at a time, or saying, hey, I would love to have 2 to 3 questions that we all answer because I really want to know where you guys are all at right now. I would love to hear this from you guys, and just leave it at that. Like, don't make a big deal out of it. Don't be like, hey, let's shift the energy. Don't say anything weird like that. Like, you just literally don't make it a thing. You just want to say, hey, I would love to hear from all of you, like, where you're at right now. So could we maybe all answer the question of what we're excited about, and maybe like a big win of Like, was there something that worked out that you were excited about? Or one thing that you're struggling with? You know, just go like one at a time, or let them know 3 questions are coming, however feels good to kind of put that out and see what people say. Now, I have had some people be like, you know, family members push back on me a lot, and they have throughout the years. They're like, I don't feel like doing them. Like, well, can we just do one round? Could we just do one question so that I can kind of just hear where you're all at? So push back again, because the person with the lowest energy might continue to push and just be like, okay, I'm gonna go, and who else wants to go? You You don't have to do it, but we're gonna do it. So that's if you have like a total Debbie Downer at your table. And by the way, some of you have never experienced anything like this, but I definitely have multiple times. So this is a toolbox or a tool in your toolbox that you can really use. And listen, what's so cool about this is suddenly you're at a completely different dinner with different people. The energy lifts, people start connecting, and you feel like you actually facilitated a really meaningful experience. So Let's talk about your network, because if you don't feel like you have the right friend group or you can't afford the business mastermind you want, that's not the end of the story for you. That's actually your invitation to create one. So I want you guys to start small. You just have to invite like 2 to 4 people. They don't even have to be in the same industry. Maybe one owns a local store in your town. Maybe another runs a coffee shop. Maybe another one is building something online. It totally doesn't matter because what works in one business can almost always translate into another. You can almost always reap the benefits of something that someone is sharing. So all you have to do is say, let's meet for coffee every 2 weeks. Let's share what's working and what's not, what questions we, you know, want to ask, what we're struggling with. And then you've created your own mastermind. You can say it's gonna just be for 1 hour. I promise we won't go over that. But how great to have a touch base. So you're gonna ask people to come. Some are gonna say no. You're gonna feel awkward. You're gonna wonder if you're doing it right. This might take a year for you to curate something, but sometimes the people who end up changing your life the most are the ones that you didn't actually think were a fit. Fit for you at first. Maybe they felt like a very opposite energy, but the key is to just keep reaching out and create this circle and experience that can change everything for you and other people. So you guys, my challenge for you in the next 2 to 3 months is to start curating something like this. Start creating something. Ask yourself, what can I facilitate? What can I build? Who can I bring together? And I promise you that your life is going to change. I would love to know if you're going to do this. DM me on Instagram, let me know if you're going to do this. And if not, you guys, if you do want a mastermind, we We just opened our Mentor Collective Mastermind. All you have to do is DM me the word mentor because the cart is not open much longer. And this is a life-changing mastermind. It's one of my favorite things that I get to do. If you are in a pivot, if you don't know what to do next, if you're looking to scale your business, if you're anywhere from $25K a year to $500K a year and you want Chris and I in your business along with 8 other coaches, literally all of the time there for you with questions on demand. And it's life-changing, you guys. It is like one of the best things I think on the internet— I know on the internet. So go and check that out. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.