How To Turn Fear Into Fuel For Your Dreams!

If you have a crazy fear of public speaking, but you know that you really want to speak, you know, you want to be out there. You know, you want to grow your brand, all you have to think about is the fear of never doing it, of robbing yourself of that incredible experience that is waiting for you on the other side once you start. And we're back with another episode of He Said, she Said. And today I wanted to ask Chris this question, and I decided to wait until our podcast.

Well, I mean, we're literally just having coffee a little while ago, and she asked the question, and she's like, wait, wait, wait. Let's use that for the podcast.

So my question to Chris, and I'll give an answer right after him. But my question to Chris was, what is the thing that really drives you, that keeps you motivated? And how do you not only stay motivated and really use it and tap into it and think about it, but how do you also not let it take over and control you?

Well, I'm gonna have to process out loud. Cause this was, like, seconds ago that you kind of proposed the question and then said, wait, let's make a podcast out of it. So I don't have a good answer formulated yet. So let's just start with the basics that kind of flow of my mind here. I would start by saying, intrinsically, I'm just naturally motivated. Motivated to have an extraordinary life. And I know a lot of people hear that and say, well, who doesn't wanna have an extraordinary life? But there's a difference between wanting to have an extraordinary life and, like, being moved by it. Like, woken up out of bed by it. Like, willing to do scary stuff or annoying stuff or inconvenient stuff for it. Because you can't picture a scenario where you aren't chasing down the mission. And in my case, the mission is an extraordinary life. I'm very unapologetic. You know, I was going to once name my podcast Unapologetic. And, you know, the whole team and everybody thought that it'd be too hard to spell as a brand. But I'm so serious about being unapologetic about my desire to live a great life, a nice life with nice things and convenience and happiness and experience. And not just for me, for the whole damn family, for friends. I mean, here's a great example. We're still up at the lake house right now while we're recording this. And a lot of people would say, why would you buy that thing just for a couple of months each year, right? Just for summers. To me, how many times have I said to you this is the best investment we've ever made because we've already been able to host so many friends up here. And nothing gives me more joy than doing beautiful things in beautiful spaces with really great people and providing that for them. So that's like the beginning. That's the tip of the iceberg of my answer.

So let me ask you just a follow up question to that. Because for me, I'm motivated not only by that, by wanting these things really bad and being able to visualize them, but I'm also motivated by the thought of the pain of not having them, of being average, of not letting myself have these experiences that I want.

Expand on that, would you? Because I kind of wanted to bounce it back to you and then we'll get deeper on me. What would you say motivates you? Because I watch you be motivated all the time. You just alluded to, hey, it's similar things, but it's more the pain of it. Expand on that.

It's not necessarily more the pain of it. It's that I use both. It's that I not only visualize the life that I want, but I also really future cast. Like I look to the future and look at if I don't take the actions, if I don't do the work, if I don't make the money, if I don't create this life that I want, then I'm not gonna have the memories, I'm not gonna have the experiences, I'm not going to have those moments with all those people connecting in the ways that I want. And that really motivates me thinking about not having these things. I mean, we both, I think for the most part, had good childhoods. But at the same time we really, really, you and I, I feel like really crave experiences. And I think that's what we want moving forward not only for us, but I also am so motivated by giving other people experiences. And it's the thought of the pain of not being able to do those things. It's a thought of the pain of not being to afford those things, of not having as much choice and settling. And truly I visualize my life and envision my life to be able to do and create whatever I want and whatever experiences I want. And combined, I think that vision pulls me forward of what I want. But also sometimes if I'm not motivated, I really let myself think about if I don't do the things, am I going to be okay with that life of not as much Choice. And I'm not.

It's interesting that you mentioned the fear part of it, because if you said, chris, great, a nice life and extraordinary experiences motivate you. But is it the excitement of having them that makes you take action, or is it the fear of not being able to have them that makes you take action? My answer would have been, it's the fear of not being able to have them that makes me take action. Because this happens to me all the time. Oh, I want to collect another classic car. And it's not enough to make me go do something inconvenient and work. Go do a little bit more work. But the inverse, hey, what if you could never buy another car you like? Or what if you could not keep the lake house as a third home? Or what if you could not split time between Arizona and California? The what if you couldn't? Is what scares the crap out of me and makes me roll up my sleeves and be like, who? Oh, watch this. And is what motivates me to build more cushion and more cushion and more cushion and more cushion so that nobody can ever, like, tell me, I can't have this, can't do this. Does that make sense?

Oh, my God, yes. And you know, the thing that I think of all the time, especially just even women in business, is it wasn't that long ago that women were not taken serious in business, that we did not have the opportunities that men have. And in other countries, a lot of people, let alone women, cannot start businesses. They cannot go and do what they wanna do. They don't have the freedoms to do all of these things we do in this country. And that really motivates me, because can you imagine for everyone who's kind of like one foot in, one foot out, if someone came to you and said, you know what? That business you wanted to start, it's now illegal. You can't do it anymore. We would be fighting for the freedom to be able to do it. And instead, we have these other problems that we make up in this country, like, fear. Like, oh, I'm afraid, start. I don't want to. What will people think of me where other people are fighting just to be able to have the freedom to do it? And those are all the contrasting thoughts and emotions that I allow to come into play that really motivate me. Like, okay, can you get over your kind of, like, petty fear which, you guys, they're real fears. They are. But can you get over your kind of petty fear of, like, I'm not sure what people will think I'm nervous about this when other people would give anything to be in your position. So, you know, with motivations, I really allow myself to pull in everything because that's really what it takes for me. And also journaling about it, it can help you get really clear of your reminders when you don't want to go and do something, how to remain motivated. And another really big one for me is also disappointing people.

It motivates you to disappoint people.

It motivates me to not disappoint people. And this is one that actually I have to keep in check because I can let this really ruin my day thinking about, oh, my goodness, if I don't do this, if I don't show up in this way, I'm disappointing this person. When sometimes you have to let certain fires burn and you have to decide in what way you're going to show up. So if I'm afraid of disappointing people to the point where it's really making me sick, like actually physically ill or it's hurting my life, then that's where I have to really do work around it and let it go.

It's interesting. So, you know, we're talking a lot about fear and very little about being excited about something and making that take, you know, have us take action. And we've heard Tony Robbins say that people are motivated by what they want, but also by their fears. And if one's going to win out over the other, he says fear will always be the biggest driver. So this really becomes a choice of, you asked your original question was, why am I so motivated? And then you slipped in there. How do I maintain it? Well, clearly, I think we figured out by knowing oneself and by knowing what all your fears are, then you can choose which fear you want to feed. And I feel like I've heard you or someone else talk about this concept of choosing which fear you want to feed. In the past, for example, you had mentioned, or let me go with mine, the fear of not being able to keep living an extraordinary lifestyle versus the fear of, oh, no, what if this product flops? I'm going to feed the fear of not being able to continue leading an extraordinary lifestyle and not care about the other fear, Right? Like, you gotta choose which one you're gonna feed. Because if somebody, in that example, chooses to feed the fear of, oh, no, what if people laugh at me, oh, no, what if this product flops? Oh, no, what if this idea doesn't work? Well, you're choosing to feed that fear over the other more Motivating one of what if you can't have what you want?

You know, I wanna make this really tangible for people. So it's like if you have a crazy fear of public speaking, but you know that you really want to speak, you know, you want to be out there, you know you want to grow your brand, all you have to think about is the fear of never doing it, of robbing yourself of that incredible experience that is waiting for you on the other side once you start. And it's not like the fear totally goes away. I really don't know. Like, I would say 95% of the people I know who you see on stages, they all still have fear of going out there. It does get less. But once you get out there and you do the thing, whether it's public speaking or something else, you'll find that there is so much more joy and expansion. And truly, people just want to progress. They want to grow. So I'm also afraid of not growing because I know what that feels like. It's very frustrating. You start to resent things in your life that you would never normally resent. You start to push people away from because you start blaming other people and other things for your lack of purpose and growth. And really, if I can summarize it, for me, it is my responsibility to constantly be growing and taking care of my emotions and making sure that my choices are aligned with my vision so that my relationships can stay really clean and clear.

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I love it. That's incredible. So guys, to put a bow on this thing. We all have fears. They never go away. All you have to do is choose which fear you're going to feed. Let that be the fuel that motivates you to have whatever you want. If you want freedom, let it motivate you to be afraid that what if you can't have that freedom? If you want a nice lifestyle, let it be the fuel that motivates you. Based on what if I can have it? Whatever your motivation is, then go. Choose to feed the fear and use that as fuel to get you where you want to go.

All right, you guys, we are so grateful for you as always. Let us know what fear you are choosing. What positive fear are you going to feed so that you go and do the thing sending you guys so much love. Until next week. We will see you later.

Sam.