How to Turn Your Story Into Your Greatest Strength + Set Healthy Boundaries with Alexis Andra

Everyone says true authentic self. It's very like popular right now, but I mean it. The more that you step into that, you create differently, you think differently. It almost opens new pathways. Me being so open with my story and using it was my 10x.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Earn Your Happy podcast. Today's episode is another throwback. One of my favorite conversations. And you guys know that I've had this podcast for 8 years. So if you're newer to the podcast, I have literally recorded over 1,400 episodes, you guys. So I want to make sure that you don't miss any of these super amazing, juicy conversations that I have chosen just for you, because I can't tell you about the wealth of knowledge that is in this freaking catalog of throwbacks. I don't want you to miss it. It's truly what has changed my life and helped me on my journey of growth in entrepreneurship, in relationships, in personal development. And I know that these messages are going to hit you in the same kind of powerful way that they hit me. So I hope that you love this one as much as I do, and let's get started. So on the podcast today, I have a good friend of mine. Her name is Alexis Andra, and she has been dubbed the installation queen. All the beautiful stage and photo backdrops that you've seen at my events, including many of the ones you've seen at events like Create and Cultivate, this is all her work. This woman has been doing them before they were cool. So I'm talking, if you remember, the OG Create and Cultivate backdrops that have become everyone's inspo for their events. Like, she She truly was the person who set the bar at what events were going to look like moving forward. She's a true creative entrepreneur. She has the most powerful story. And something I love about this conversation is she shares how to navigate the fine lines of sharing your story and challenges that you've overcome to inspire without those traumatic experiences defining you. If you're someone who struggles with keeping your boundaries or wants clarity on how to share your story in a more impactful service-driven way. We really dig into it in this episode because stories are everything and stories sell. We both give examples of how to clearly communicate boundaries in relationships, including the time I set a boundary with Chris of no strippers. Yes, stay tuned, you're going to love this story. You're going to have to listen in for the whole story. And in this episode, we talk about creating a multi-dimensional creative brand, setting healthy boundaries in your relationship and work, and transforming pain into purpose. So let's get started. Alexis, welcome to the Earn Your Happy podcast.

I am so excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

I just got to be on your amazing podcast that you just launched— launched— launched out to the world, um, Shift Happens, and it was so incredible. Like, I, I knew you were gonna be good, but you were great.

That seriously means so much every time you say it. It doesn't get old.

You're a great host. It was one of my favorite interviews I've done.

That is wild to me. I, I really try to be as intentional as possible with my questions, and so I'm glad that that comes across.

Yeah, for sure. It was, it was meaningful questions. You felt sincerely interested, and you were a great guide. Like, you felt very, um, safe and kind of led, you know, led the conversation while having it be totally open space. And yeah, very conversational.

So I love that.

It's going to be great. If you guys have not heard that one yet, you definitely have to go and check it out.

Just You were, well, your whole podcast, but your, your interview in particular was, I loved it. I loved hearing that side of you, more personal, more deep. And I know a lot of people, there was really great feedback on that.

So, mm, I, I got great feedback as well. So I'm super grateful for that. So I'm so happy to have you here on the other side of the microphone. And we've gotten to work together in some really fun creative ways throughout the last, oh my gosh, has it been like 8 years or more? Okay.

Because I was trying to think when was the, when was the Bliss Project? Because that was when we first met.

Maybe the first one. That you did might have been 2017 or 2018.

Yeah, yeah, cuz we were supposed to do 2020 and then COVID hit. Okay, we had all the designs for the Bliss project dialed in and then it was just like boom, everything, no event closed, no events.

I had every ticket sold, I was sold out. I know, I was devastated. It was like, it was— I think that year was going to be like 600 people and it Oh my gosh. Crazy. So anyway, that's—

we should do that again.

Yeah, exactly. Let's do this again. Um, so you've created, uh, different backdrops for me. Mm-hmm. You're actually working your team and you are working on my podcast art right now.

Yep.

Um, we've had you do mastermind backdrops. Um, you've shot creative campaigns for Glossy.

We've done it all.

We've done it all together and it's all been so fun. It's all been so fun and it's all been unique and it's all hit the mark.

That's great.

And that is extremely rare. Mm-hmm. And I'm not saying that other people, I wasn't, you know, happy with what I had, but I think that you have this extra level of creativity and really understanding the vibe. And I don't know if it's because you just have so much experience, but I think it's kind of the eye that you have. Where did that come from? Where do you think that came from? Was it always like this or did you have to really develop it and work on it?

I think it's more innate than anything. I, as a child, I was always very creative. I was the girl that would reorganize her room and like do all this crazy stuff to try to make it look cool in there. And then also just was the go-to friend for events, for those baby showers or for the weddings or birthday parties. And you know, the, the start of The Shift Creative really was just a hobby. It was friends encouraging me to put stuff up on my website that I called The Shift Creative and And from there I just started getting hired. And so it's evolved over time to what it is today. You know, before I was like, I was product styling and I actually like got a gig styling Goop's like website ingredients, like as a nobody.

Were you like, oh my God, what was that like?

It was so intimidating.

Was it an email or how'd you— how'd they reach out?

So it was okay. So the girl that actually did my, my very first logo of The Shift Creative, it was like watercolor, like back in the day, you know, and she just reached out to me because she was on board with doing Goop's branding. And so she said, we need a product stylist. I had dabbled. I was not professional, you know. And that day I came with all these ingredients for their launch and Gwyneth was not there, but her assistant was.

And it was still— just as good, guys. Just as good.

Honestly, it's like very overwhelming. Yeah, I just styled it all and it was all on the website and yeah, like it was crazy. So that was kind of like I got my foot in the door with brands, really with product styling. Styling, wardrobe styling. And then it evolved over time to me saying, I want to make large-scale art that makes an impact. So art installations, and I'm creating with my hands, and I'm thinking, how can I make a wow at these events or at this, in this building if they want like a permanent art installation?

Yeah.

And then it just turned into conferences, stage design, expos. So really, that's the journey, if you will, of Shift. And now we just, we pride ourselves in saying we are your one-stop shop for all your brand needs. We cut out the middleman. You don't have to go to a videographer, or you don't have to go to, um, someone to do your logo. Like, we can do, we could do it all.

It's really like how your brand is felt in the world. And that, I feel like whenever I see anything from you, it just, it feels like the next thing coming out.

Mm-hmm.

Like it doesn't feel like a repeat of something.

Mm-hmm.

It really feels like the next creative thing. What makes you willing to be bold like that?

Mm-hmm.

Like take those risks.

That, that's such an interesting question. And I don't know if I've ever sat and said, hmm, like what would make me be bold? I think there's this, have you ever heard of the Enneagram?

Yeah.

Okay. So I'm a 3, which is the, I think you are too, the Achiever, but your wing you also pull from. So my wing would be a 4.

Okay.

Which is the individualist. And they strive to be different. Mm-hmm. Like they want to stand out and they exude creativity. They really desire, you know, not to fit in. Mm-hmm. And I think because I'm like that, I don't wanna recreate the same thing. What's so funny is, okay, so with the masterminds that we've done for you, you, you guys both are like, okay, well this is a great backdrop, let's just do this one again. And I'm always like, okay, hmm, I will do it. But I would like to do something different because it, it, it's like, as a creative, I'm always like, let's go crazy. Let's, let's like do different colors, you know?

Yeah.

Which we are gonna do different colors now this next time.

So yeah, for you guys.

So I'm excited for the, for, it's like literally in a few weeks.

So as a creative, because a lot of people from what I hear can feel like a lot of fear around putting their stuff out. Mm-hmm. So for you, when you were first getting out there, was there a lot of like trepidation or fear or have you not really ever thought of that? Because some people don't.

It's not that I— I don't know if I had fear of like, well, people like this. I think I've just had this confidence about what I'm putting out there. Like, I'm not— I know I'm not going to put out crap work. I have to know, even like when it comes down to doing your podcast, or if I— if I'm looking at this, I'm like, okay, we're not— this is not hitting the mark. We're not gonna just be like, well, this is what it is. We are going to do everything we can to make it the best because we want our clients to be aligned. We want them to walk away and feel like, wow, this is this is it. I could not be more happy. That is the same way with if I'm doing in-person design or anything I put out there. So I'm not going to put out something that's not— that I'm not proud of. And I think that that's why I'm not scared.

You know, we got to work together not only in stage things and backdrops, and that's really where our story started, but one of the really fun things that we've recently gotten to do, which really like showed me what you are capable of— like, I've always known you were talented, but I think being on set with you and watching you when you shot our brand campaign for Glossier was so much fun.

Yeah.

And you know, when you first approached me about it and I was kind of reading what it was going to be, you were very much like, hey, trust me, here's what I see. I want to do something different for you guys. I feel like you're trying to say this. I feel like you're trying to say Glossier is for every woman, but we're not really seeing that in what you're doing. And I was like, yes, like, let's— I want more women to know how this fits into their life and what that looks like. But From my perspective, I'm creative in a different way. I can't— I, I have to like see the things first, and I— then I can play and collaborate with someone. I— the initial vision for me isn't necessarily clear at all.

Okay.

Um, so I'm like a co— I'm a really good co-creator.

I can see that from you.

That's like where, where I like to— that feels the best for me. That's where I shine, is like get me— get the ideas started. I need to see like 4 to 6 ideas, and then we'll—

you could add, you could subtract, you'll see.

For sure. Exactly. So when you came to me and presented, you know, these different Pinterest boards or these boards, mood boards and idea boards of what this could look like, I could start to see it. And then when I got to be on set with you to see how you were bringing in all of these different women and putting Glossier into it and styling everything was really an incredible thing. So tell me about this transition from, you know, the Shift Creative who is doing these, you know, big installation of art pieces that made a really large impact for brands out in the world to now wanting to switch over over to like really branding, brand campaigns, like why the marketing, the ad end things? Yep.

Yeah, I think, you know what it is, is because I saw a need. It's— and that's where a lot of great ideas come from, when you, when you see a need, right?

Totally.

So with, with Shift, it was like people would come to us and they would say, can you design me this stage, but you don't have to use my branding, um, I don't really like it, so just, just do your own thing and just show me, show me what you think. So then we're redoing their branding while we're doing their stage, and you're like, you just had me redo your branding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, okay, well, why are we using— if we're not using your branding, or I wouldn't even like their branding and be like, how are we going to use this on a stage? So I saw that, that was the first thought where I was like, we need to, we need to hone in on their branding. Why am I going to send them to someone else, or why am I going to recreate it for this event when I could just be recreating it and get paid for it? Totally. Okay, then, then we bring it to the next. So now they need social, they need, uh, video for web, they need, um, ad materials. So if I'm doing their branding and I know their messaging and I'm familiar, we've done the market research on their audience, the next step would be I should be able to effectively execute this campaign and storytell for their brand because I already know it. I've already done the work.

And how do you feel doing it?

I love it.

I love it.

I love this end of it. I've done the fabrication, the design and fabrication with the, with the sets for so long. Very easy. It's not a challenge for me anymore. And so because of that, I wanted to expand and really challenge myself in a different way. And so there was— it is a different muscle you have to work with. The really creative direction, art direction of Glossier. I was literally at Haunted House sitting there with, with Brooklyn, who you met, and I'm just like, we're writing out on the whiteboards each shot, like models in the mirror. She puts her lip gloss on, camera is shooting over her shoulder. Like, that's how in-depth we were. And so that took a different mindset and strategy than the fabrication was. Mm-hmm. But it's so exciting to then see that come to life and you can see the messaging from brand and what you guys are trying to portray through Glossier into the digital, like the video and photo form. Mm-hmm. And that's exciting.

So tell me how that process starts for you and your team. What does that look like for somebody just able to kind of follow along if they're thinking of wanting to start a business. What did that process of you putting that together look like?

Like, as far as the campaign or just the idea of wanting to start?

I would say putting, putting together the pivot first. Let's start with that.

The pivot again came out of that need, and I think as well I wanted to be— I just, I just felt like this tension within myself where I wanted to be more expansive, but it really came down to like doing the research. And as a creative, I'm sure that there's creatives listening, sometimes the business end of things doesn't come as easy. It's harder. I'm a visionary, so I can dream the world. There's no lack of ideas for me. So what was— what I had to first start with is what does this look like? What is the goal? Who is my ideal client? And I had to get really clear on what I was offering, then from there I could do all the fun things of like, okay, let's talk about photo, let's talk about video, let's talk about aesthetics. If we're doing sets for these brand campaigns, that brings in from my prior experience with fabrication. If we're doing post-production, that brings in the branding side of things with graphics. So I had to really like sit down and create a system And that is, that is challenging for me. Yeah, it's not the fun part. It's like the, it's like the not glamorous part. That's what will make it successful.

And when did you feel okay to pivot? Because a lot of people are in their brands right now and they're starting to feel maybe like you, a creative call to something, because a lot of us are creatives. When did you know that you could also do this in your company?

I think that that was definitely harder. I think when you asked me too, you were saying, are you scared of putting things out with the fabrication? Yep. Your, your other question was like, how are you so bold? Are you scared? I wasn't with like the fabrication side. I think with like the brand campaign, branding side, it's—

you're almost—

you have to reeducate your audience of the new offer. That was where I felt a little bit of not conflict, just tension in myself. Yeah. Of will people look at us as a, you know, viable source to go to for these offers because they primarily know us for design and fabrication. And I think it comes down to trusting yourself and knowing that you have built something already that is successful and that you can do it again. It's that, it's a mindset shift. Instead of thinking, will no one hire us? It's people will hire us because they've seen what we've already are capable of. You do have authority and expertise already, so there's already trust there. It just looks different. And so I think mindset shifts were definitely helpful. The pivot— I— you just have— you eventually just have to go for it and release the need for being perfect.

Okay, so you have a story from when you were 8 years old, and I want to— I want to back up to the beginning of your story because so much of what happened when you were younger really has informed all that you do now. And you've done so many things that we'll chat about too, right down to stepping on stage and being a fitness competitor and just really being bold and putting yourself out there. And also, I've just seen you this last couple years just sharing so unapologetically about so many things, but I don't know if you were always like that. So can you tell us the story from when you were 8 years old?

Yes, of course. I— when I was 8, I lived in Las Vegas with my mom, with my stepmom and my dad, and we were on the way to a casino. And so that was very normal for us in Las Vegas. My parents gambled and I was pretty much in the kids' care for the rest of the night at the casinos. And on this evening, we pulled over to get gas and my stepmom got out of the car to pay inside. And my dad, they had just argued, by the way. So with me, I wanted to be a very perfect, perfect child. I wanted their approval, especially my stepmom's. And so while they were arguing, I was thinking, how could I How could I like get on her good side? And so I offered to pump gas. Never had pumped gas before. And I just said, I'll pump gas for you guys. My dad leans forward. I slide out of the, was it, it's a two-door Camaro, slide out. I go to where, you know, you push the button and you, you know, put your nozzle in. And at that point I'm like, okay, something's a little off because I couldn't really like, I was holding it, but there was some drippage coming out. And I was like, that's not normal. As an 8-year-old. And so I did call for my dad. I was like, "Dad, Dad, like, this is weird." I pulled it out and it was, gas was coming out of the nozzle. And so then I put it back in. So I was like, "Oh, there's gas spilling." Yeah. My dad goes around, right when he gets to the back of the car, all of a sudden it just exploded. It ignited in flames. What we later learned was static electricity caused the spark. 'Cause there was some gas that spilled out. But when you're charged with static electricity, it can ignite. Your whole, it can catch you on fire. So my dad tried to get me from being engulfed in flames. Construction workers had these screens, they wrapped them around me and I lost consciousness. I regained consciousness and I'm in this big industrial sink at the gas station and skin is just falling off my legs. And my dad's on the floor and he's like in pain.. And I just am like, oh, I'm gonna be in big trouble.

Mm-hmm.

That's that, that was like my first thought.

That was your thought.

Like, I'm going to be, I'm gonna be grounded forever. You know? I didn't really know what was going on. But yeah. So then I was in a drug-induced coma for a month. I got airlifted to a specialty hospital here in California. Mm-hmm. And I had to undergo over 23+ surgeries, learn how to walk again. And I mean, this is a simplified version, but yes. Mm-hmm.

How long did that last? Meaning like, how long was that journey of of learning to walk again?

I mean, like I had to do physical therapy even out of the hospital. I had casts on my legs and even my hand. I had to do physical therapy on my hand. So I would say a solid year after, you know, I mean, I could walk, but it is just, you know, the recovery, the burn was so bad that it burnt my muscles in my legs.

So you're burnt on, are you both legs and arms? Both legs. Tell me about that.

So yeah, I'm burned 50%. Um, of my body, third degree, um, my legs and my hand. And then skin grafts they took from my back and a little bit of my stomach to put on those burn sites so that they could heal properly.

I remember you telling me your story a long time ago. We met— I don't know if you remember this— we met for coffee.

Yeah, of course I remember.

Santa Monica. And I was just like, oh my gosh, this girl, on top of what she's doing, like, because you were just known as this like force behind all creative of like creating Cultivate and so many big things.

Yeah.

I don't even know if you know how people were talking about you at the time, like, and what they were saying, like amazing things. But I got to meet with you and I'm like, whoa, this girl's like so much more like than just what you were doing, which was already huge. And I think you had mentioned— you had mentioned back then you had wanted to podcast as well.

Yeah.

And I think fast forward, you were also talking about wanting to do fitness competitions and I was like, Oh my God, this girl, if she puts herself out there, is the person who's going to be able to really impact people. Because to do what you wanted to do, especially talking about being on stage in a bikini with your burns and saying, yes, this is who I am, this is how I am, I am up here, I'm completely like allowing myself to feel all the feels and be confident and be presented so freaking beautifully, by the way. Like you didn't even see it because you're so— your presence is so incredible. What did you want to say by doing that? Well, putting yourself on stage?

I think two things. I think one, it was for my 8-year-old self. Even the hours of cardio, sometimes, you know, 2 hours of cardio a day and doing, you know, the posing and the discipline with the eating. Well, every time I felt like I wanted to give up, I honestly pictured my 8-year-old self and I said, I'm going to show up for her. Because, you know, I didn't— adults in my life didn't show up for me at that time. And so I said, I'm not gonna give up for her. And then second, it was, I got on that stage to show other women that you can do the hard thing. And if you— let's just say we all have insecurities, right? But I wanted to show like, I have insecurities, but this is me putting myself in an uncomfortable situation so that I can grow, I can learn, and I can hopefully inspire others to do the same thing. Think. That was really what it is. Some people don't like their nose, some people don't like their, you know, their body, some people don't like something, you know, maybe intellectually about themselves. And I wanted to be this example of you, you can overcome that.

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You know, so part of my life, or portions of my life rather, I would do like little things like I would wear, you know, shorts or I would wear a dress like somewhere like to college or, mm-hmm. Because I, I always hid, I always covered it up. So, It was, I always took those steps, but I would never fully do it. It would be like one little step, 5 steps back.

Okay.

One little step, 5 steps back. I knew I had to do something big to like kind of break the chains.

Because you weren't comfortable.

No.

What, what did you feel around it? Was it just like shame or you didn't like it or it was, it wasn't even anyone else.

It was me. Mm-hmm. It was, I've never, it's not, it's not like in my relationships there was a problem. It was, I, it was a story I told myself. I do not want to be associated with being Alexis, the girl that got burned. I want to be associated with Alexis, the stylish one. Alexis, the funny one. Alexis, the creative one. I did not want my story, a traumatic story, to define who I was. And I felt like it was a negative, not a positive. So I had to really look at this story and redefine it. And I had to flip it and turn it into a positive. That this is my responsibility to use my story. To impact and inspire others. And I think that that flip helped. I, with the fitness competition, it was hard. I struggled mentally very, like during the whole prep process, I was training with other women and they would be at the gym just in their bikinis posing in the posing room. But like you're at the gym, like everyone's there in and out. I couldn't, I didn't do it. I was like just in my top because I still was insecure about it. So this is, this is me on prep knowing I'm gonna go on stage. And I share that to say, because I think we can look at me doing a fitness comp or other people who might have, you know, body image issues that it's like, oh, well, they've overcome it. Like they're good now. When no, like during that whole process, I struggled. So the day that I, you know, was going to get on the stage, again, it's mindset. I just had to say, you're here, you have done it. So you need to show up the best you can ever show up right now. You have earned this. And I just prayed in my head. I said, Lord, I just wanna be a light. If I don't win, if I don't, if anything, if people look at me different, I want to exude light on this stage. And so I got up there, I did it, I won. And I did it again a second time a month later. And the judge walked up to me and he said, I remember you from last time. And he said, I was sitting there and he goes, we don't really look at faces much. We just kind of look at the body. We're, we're looking, you know, the tie-ins and the glutes and all that. And he said, my judge next to me said, wow, she's so beautiful. And he said he looked up and he was like, and I was like, wow. And it's like, and he was like, it's not just your face. He was like, there was a light in you. And that's what I prayed. He was like, and it's—

And he repeated that back to you.

And he repeated that back. He's like, there's a light in you. And so that was worth it all. So then doing things like that, openly sharing my story, there's power in sharing your story. Story, I think it definitely loosens the chains. It, it loosens strongholds in your life the more that you can share. And I'm not saying share with everybody and share with everything, but you know, because it takes time, and you know which one wants to be shared. Exactly.

You know which one you want to feel like needs to be shared to free you, for sure.

Exactly.

There were, um, I relate to that so much with different stories of just like times in my life where certain things were not ready to be shared at all, and then other things it's like, I don't know, this this definitely is feeling like it needs to come through in order to free me of something else that's coming, like maybe a next purpose. So for you, you have really been sharing the last couple years, and like you have been putting yourself on stage with that. What do you feel like that unlocked for you in your life by doing that? Like, what did that free you of?

Well, first, freedom. I have never felt as free as I have felt now. And that doesn't mean— I want to just say this— that doesn't mean that there's not days that I still get a bit self-conscious about my body. Like, you know, especially if I don't know the people and then I get invited to like a pool party or something, I still have to do the work to say, okay, like, Alexis, you just show up as you are. This is your story, and this is a sign of strength. And so sometimes I still have to do that. And I don't know if it's like my thorn in the flesh, if you will. I don't know if it's ever fully going away. I think it's something that I just coach myself through. But this is the most free I felt. So I think that it's opened up opportunity for me to talk about, you know, um, confidence with other women. It has helped me use my platform as a beacon of hope.

I, you know, oh man, I'm getting emotional because I'm thinking about how, you know, we all have stories, but yours for some reason was made public for everyone to see the second they meet you. Yeah.

You know?

And so, yes. And which, by the way, depending on what you're wearing, what I'm wearing. Yeah. What you're wearing.

Yeah.

Um, cuz I actually didn't know a lot of this about you until much later because you were always just the really hot creative stylish one. So there you go. You were known for that. But for some reason, yours is front-facing, you know? And I think that that is so— that's why it's so powerful is because that's something that when you share that, it's like, wow, if she can, if she can do that and look at all she's done and who she is, like, that is so inspiring. It's so inspiring.

You know, there's a, there's a story in the Bible— and talks about when Jesus died, he rose again, okay? And, you know, and no one believed. And what he did was he showed his scars to his disciples, and he said, "Look at my hands, look at my rib." And they were scarred. And he was defined by his scars. And I've always kind of thought about that in my own life. Something that was so tragic, you know, being crucified on a cross, loss and something so tragic in my life, you know, being caught on fire in a freak accident, I can't allow it to define me. I can say, look, this is who I am. And I think that that is such a beautiful image that stayed with me throughout so many years. And I, I don't know, it's just, it's just a way of saying like, okay, you can be defined by your story and not in a negative, in a positive way, in a powerful way, in a very powerful way.

That's so beautiful. So how has that impacted the work that you do now?

There has been a lot more creativity actually, which is interesting, I think, because when you step into your true— and everyone says like true authentic self, it's very like popular right now, but I mean it. Like the more that you step into that, you create differently, you think differently. It almost opens new pathways. And it's this— and I know a lot of your listeners have heard the concept of 10x, like 10xing yourself. I believe that, that me being so open with my story and using it was my 10x to, to allow for bigger, greater business opportunities as well.

What would you say to somebody who's got a story that they're not sure if they should share it yet? Like, how do you kind of go about feeling into that discernment?

I would say pray for discernment. I would say discuss it with, with trusted friends first. Trusted friends, mentors, because not everything is for everyone.

I agree.

And so I am open with a lot of my story, but there's some things people don't know. There's things in my family that people don't know. And, um, my dad always says I overshare, but there's a lot that I could still say. I'm like, Dad, there is—

I am undersharing.

I'm—

this is—

we could go full deep, but I'm not. Um, so I definitely think look at your circle. Who can you share with first? Mm-hmm. Get that feedback. And also I think examine the motive and the why of sharing. Mm-hmm. Because my motive is to inspire others to feel comfortable in sharing their own story and so that they don't feel alone in theirs. Mm-hmm. But if my motive was I had a bad childhood and I wanna like just set, set the record straight and talk about my parents. Mm-hmm. That's not the right motive. So I think you need to address your heart posture. In the sharing.

Yeah, I, I had a story that I didn't share for a really long time because I, a little bit like you, from my understanding of what you're saying, I had trouble sharing stories that were negative because I thought that put me in a victim position, and I never wanted to feel like a victim.

Never.

Like, it is such a rejection in my body because I want to be powerful and I want to be able to like prove that I can do things on my own for so many reasons. Well, we can go deep on that later, or maybe on this podcast. So I would never tell anyone anything bad that happened because I thought it put me in a victim position or made it look like I was trying to get attention, like, for the thing.

Yes. And a lot of people resonate with that.

Oh my God, you just said it was— and this was so deep. But what ended up happening is the more that I would get out there and the more that I would share, you know, on like Bliss Project, or when I would start— when I would try to be doing what I wanted to do, which was shift people and help them, you know, yeah, you know, get closer to themselves, get closer to God, share their message that they I came here to do. I was noticing that there was a disconnect with my audience because they thought that I had a perfect life because I never shared the negative.

Yep.

And it, it's a very different thing for someone who doesn't have a past or has never had any trauma or difficulties or challenges in their life to say, look at what I've accomplished. It doesn't actually serve people to just be like, oh, here's— I'm going to tell you how to accomplish it without telling them what you had to get through. Through.

Yeah.

And so I had to work with a lot of coaches to like finally sit me down and say, this is not a bad thing to share. Like, you should be sharing this so people can resonate and know what you went through. And like, I didn't share that I didn't graduate from high school until like 3 years ago.

That's crazy.

Literally, because I was so like deeply ashamed, but also like, I don't want people to have this view of you. Yeah, like be a victim, or like, oh, I didn't graduate.

Yeah, whatever. Yeah.

And you know, there were some other things I didn't, I didn't share that I was kidnapped in Mexico until my book. Like that was with anyone. And, um, I think that those are the things that can really hold people back. So I love the discernment that you said, like the prayer.

Yep.

Um, and like sharing with close friends first, talking to close friends first, getting that feedback. Now the next question is, okay, the person listening is ready to share.

Mm-hmm.

They know, they've prayed, they have the discernment around it. How do we start sharing that? Because it's weird. It's weird as hell sharing your story at first. It's like you fumble through it. It is.

Is it feels very vulnerable because it is vulnerable. I think it depends on, again, the goal of the sharing. Because let's just say if they're trying to be a speaker, right, then you have to be putting yourself out there on social media and get any speaking gig that you can to share your story.

Yeah.

Um, but it could also look like honestly starting a, a small group. So it could be like a mastermind, it could be a women's group, it could be something small to get you used to sharing. And I also like even utilizing social media. It doesn't have to be you talking to the camera, but there's a lot of those intro, like, get to know me reels, get to know me, where, where you can start slowly dripping it.

A drip campaign.

Yes, serious. Where it doesn't feel so like, whoa, where'd this come from? All of a sudden she's just sharing everything, you know, because that can kind of be like a little like alarming at first. So I think recognizing your goal in the sharing and then choosing the platform in which you want to share. And you can always start small and then build, would be my suggestion. It doesn't have to be everything all at once either. So little parts of your story sprinkled in here, little parts here on social media. You could do lives about it. I love to even have like a close friends, say if anyone would be interested in hearing, you know, more of this or, you know, XYZ, then maybe they're in your close friends first. You're sharing to them. Just to not— just to even get yourself comfortable with sharing.

For sure, because it's not comfortable at first. It feels really awkward. There's details you don't really fully remember yet. You kind of have to like figure out, because if you're anything like probably you and I who are sharing this, like you probably stuffed it way back.

Yes.

They're way down and your brain is blocking out details and you have to get like re-familiar with the story, which is actually not fun.

No. Yeah, no, that's why I think that in uh, rec— like identifying your motive and sharing is so important, which is really like the why, the why in the sharing. There's healing when you share for yourself and for others. Mm-hmm. And so if that's the why, you have to constantly remind yourself of that. Mm-hmm. This is why I'm sharing. This is why I'm sharing. Because a lot of times it's easy just, just to stop sharing.

Mm-hmm. Your story.

Um, especially if you're not getting maybe the feedback that maybe you thought you would.

Mm-hmm.

It can be discouraging. I did want to hit on something that you mentioned about not sharing because of the victim mentality. I think that it sounds like both you and I almost go to the extreme of—

Gee, do we?

Yeah.

With the, the fitness competitions and all the things.

Yeah. Yeah. For real. And so it, it was like, okay, I didn't want anyone to think I was a victim either.

Mm-hmm.

I got it. I'm strong.

Wrong.

Don't feel sorry for me. Yeah, that was also a big reason why I did not share my story. Huge.

I could see that for you, for sure.

Oh, absolutely. And again, I didn't want to be defined by that, so I was like, I got this, I'll be successful, I'll be all the things, don't worry, you know. But in that is pride. It's not humility, it is pride. It is operating just, we can muscle our way through this, for sure. We don't need anyone. Mm-hmm. And that creates issues.

Oh, big ones.

Yeah.

It creates a very lonely existence and it's not sustainable. Nope. There will be a breakdown coming, honey, and it's gonna be a big one if you don't start like, and you gotta face yourself. Oh yeah.

And you have to do the inner work. You have to, cuz it, it, it's like you start feeling shallow. Mm-hmm. You start feeling like you're presenting this identity online or with your friends and it's not real. Even though you're trying to be real and you're trying to Like I never try to operate not being real. Even when I wasn't sharing my story, you're not thinking I'm not being real, but you know, like, you know that there's other things that you could be sharing and giving that you're holding back on because of how you wanna present yourself. Yeah. And, and that's just real for sure.

That's very true.

You know? And so it is pulling back the mask and being vulnerable enough to share and realizing you're not the victim. You're not saying you're the victim, you're just, you're sharing to inspire. That's it.

Mm-hmm. And it's such a, it's such a reframe. I still have to do, still have to do it.

I still have to do it all the time. And it's, and, and I feel annoying sometimes. Like, oh, I'm sharing my story again.

I'm sharing my story again.

They've seen this. Like, I'm sharing my story, but it doesn't know.

Mm-hmm.

Because what is the why? If I can impact one other person that could see this post or that could hear me speak about this, then it doesn't matter. I don't care if, if they, people find it annoying, this, it wasn't for them.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm, totally. And I think when, when you're sharing it from a place of what you're saying right now instead of, you know, because there's multiple places you could share it from, like, okay, I just need to get this out there. One of them could be like, oh, I'm so still mad at this person, or my mom, or my dad, what, whatever it is. And like, that story is not going to go over well. So it really is continuing to check in, like, remember why you're sharing this, and remember that a lot of other people don't usually need to be in the details either, for the most part. And it's not necessarily about protecting people who did bad things to you, but it's also about like, where is that intention coming from? Because that's the way the story will be, will be felt. So absolutely, yeah. So for always sharing, for, for inspiring is so huge. So with all of the healing work that you're talking about doing, did you start doing it on your own, or did you get coaches right away? Tell me about the whole journey.

No, so I never had even gone to counseling for like all my life. Like I, I navigated my trauma by myself really. And I, I, I think you know this, but I went to school for counseling. Okay. Okay. So I actually went to school for counseling and I have a degree in counseling. Mm-hmm. So, but so that was the reason why I wanted to do that was because of my trauma. Yeah. I wanted to help other people. So now I have opened up life coaching and I've always coached like businesses and I've consulted other companies creatively. Mm-hmm. But now I've recently decided, you know, I don't wanna just do the business, I wanna do the life. And so now it's like a full circle moment where I can use my degree, my life experiences to help coach others. But I started doing my own work, inner work, probably during school for counseling. And then, um, in my marriage with life coaches, tons of therapy, you know, and, and books, self-development. To where I am today.

What was kind of the first, like, books that you can remember reading that really impacted you? Do you have a first book that you're—

I'm trying to remember a first book. I know, I know The Big Leap was helpful as far as mindset was concerned. Um, it's a great one, you know, not necessarily, like, not necessarily for inner child healing, but just mindset. And then there's— gosh, what is her name? I'm gonna totally butcher it. She's really big on Instagram, the holistic The holistic psychologist. Oh yeah, she's really good. Her books have been very, very impactful as well.

Nicole LePere.

Nicole.

Yeah.

So great. So helpful. And then honestly, just doing the counseling, also being a part of a church, like being able to hear and glean from other people that have gone through hard things and then use their faith to help has— was really impactful for me. I also didn't have that growing up at all. I was not raised raised with any faith. No, at all.

Wow.

Zero. So I like came to know God when I was 19.

How much does like faith impact your journey now and what you do?

Like, it impacts everything. Everything impacts everything I do. And so I really use my platform as well for my faith. But, you know, and I don't want to be like, I'm so different, you know. I, I want to say though that I think what God has given me is an ability to relate to a lot of different types of And because of that, that's why I, it's easy for me to use my faith to like talk to anybody. Even if you don't have this, share the same faith as me, I can still talk, relate, and hopefully encourage and inspire you in faith. I think that's a beautiful thing. My whole goal is I do not want to burn a bridge. I want to build a bridge. So if I'm over here, you know, preaching X, Y, and Z and isolating myself from people that might not think like me, me, that's burning a bridge. I don't— that's not my— that's not where I— how I operate. But yeah, no, faith, faith is the— is probably the main driver in my, in my life. I want my life to matter and to have impact.

It is. Where do you see yourself in like 5 years? What are you mainly doing? You're probably not mainly doing one thing.

I know, I'm all over the place.

I so relate to you, that's why I love talking to them. Like, let's talk about all 10 things we're doing today.

Literally. I know, I know. Um, I would say book, book tour. Mm-hmm. Podcast tour.

Okay. Love that. What's the book about?

I mean, I think the first, well, I don't know what the first book would be. I was thinking like a memoir. Mm-hmm. But, um, also like the power of storytelling.

Mm.

You know, then I saw I could do a, you know, book on creative entrepreneurship. Mm-hmm. But I definitely see a book, book tour, podcast tour, and then more coaching. Uh, life coaching, investing, a lot more investing in different businesses. I would love— and travel. I want to enjoy life. You know what it is? I'm in this season of life even right now where I have gone through so much pain in my life. I am actively pursuing peace. I am actively pursuing peace. If you're not bringing peace— and I don't mean you can't challenge me, I want to be challenged— but if it's robbing me of peace, I no longer want it. I only am pursuing friendship relationships, opportunities that will bring me peace.

So what does that look like when someone is not like—

I have boundaries.

Okay, tell me about what it actually looks like. What's the action? And then what is the boundary? How do you enforce it?

Okay, so let's just say in relation— I'm single, okay? I went through a divorce, very hard. Also very hard with being a Christian, getting divorced.

Yep.

Okay, so that's a whole other story. So then let's talk about dating, right? Mm-hmm. I no longer will tolerate or settle for unkind words. Words are so impactful. Even if you say sorry, even if you make it right, it stays with you forever.

Mm-hmm.

It really does. We can all right now, every one of us that's listening can think of that time in our childhood someone said something to us, or that time as an adult and we still think about it. Mm-hmm. Because it has power. Words have power. So if I am entertaining a man or I'm dating and they're being very harsh in their words, it's a no-go for me. I would say, I think at first I would communicate, listen, I have a boundary with how I would like to be spoken to.

Yes.

And the way you're speaking to me is not respectful. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna, I wanna operate on the side of grace. For this one time. Yes. Um, but if this is a pattern, then, then we're not aligned in our values. Mhm. And that's it. I'm very direct now.

That's really beautiful communication in relationships.

Something— okay, physically, I don't want to get like too— but even physically, I'm not down. I'm not like a hookup girl at all. I'm, I'm not like that. So even— I'm not even talking like anything, uh, fully intimate. I just even mean like, I'm not going to like make out with you the first day I I, I date you. So I, I make it known. I say like, this is just, this is my boundary, and I only do that if I feel like this, there's a connection.

Yeah.

And if, and if you, if you aren't aligned with that, that's totally okay. We could be friends, or, you know, I wish you well, but that's just what I, you know, the, the— this is the boundary I have for myself.

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Now you're getting older, I can't waste it.

Tell me about it. I'm getting more and more clear over here. You're just attracting the people people that are meant for you and everyone else is clearing out. And so it's not even a harsh thing. I just wish that more people— I wish I would have learned that lesson so much younger because I would have spared myself so much heartache.

We're scared to do it though when we're younger because we think, well, we're going to get rejected or we're too much. We're too much if we vocalize it and we start believing those lies. This is too much. I'm too much. Is it anxious attachment? Is it this? And we start, okay, so we're not going to say anything because we don't want to offend. We don't want them to think that you want to be liked. Yep. We don't want to be too needy. We don't want to come off as a B word. Right. And so it's like we will dim ourselves. And then what happens is we get into these relationships, we think we love this person, and then all of a sudden we're sacrificing our needs. Needs at the altar of acceptance.

A million percent. And then we're unhappy your whole life. Yeah, because you've— you know, it's, it's like all of these unspoken agreements that we say yes to, that all of a sudden you've built a life that you've agreed to. Because you do. When you don't say anything, you're agreeing. And it's like all of a sudden you've— you're living this life where it doesn't even feel like yourself, and you're so far that if you started being yourself, they would be like, who are you?

Yeah, this isn't who I married.

Exactly.

This isn't who I dated. You've changed so much. When really it probably— I mean, we grow and change, but when really that was always there.

Yeah, you're like, no, I've hidden so much actually.

Yes.

I remember when, um, Chris and I were not married yet, and, um, but we were seriously dating, and I had come out of relationships who, like, I I was— I, before Chris, I was like known as being very jealous. And so I thought I was a really jealous person. And so I was like, okay, what do I need to do to not be jealous? It was like, am I jealous or are there things making me jealous?

And can I—

what role can I play in not like having this come up?

Yeah.

I, I started to realize that I think it was a result of something, and I had the realization it was the result of me not communicating And so them doing what they thought was okay and me never communicating what I had a boundary around. And so when Chris and I were dating, he had gotten invited to like one of his best friend's bachelor party.

You're like, uh-uh.

And there were gonna be strippers there. And for me, that was like, that had always triggered me more than I could possibly tell you.

Mm-hmm.

And so I decided, cuz I'm like, look, if I'm gonna, I, I don't want this in my, I don't wanna go into anything ever jealous again. Like, I hate this feeling.

I don't like it. Yeah. Hate it, hate it.

And so I communicated to him, I'm like, look, I understand if this is like too much for you, but for me in a relationship, I'm like, this is a no-go. This is an absolute—

I love you—

no-go for me. And I said, if you go, just understand that this is like a deal breaker in a relationship because I don't want— I don't want this, and I don't want someone who feels they need that because that's just not what I'm interested in. And I'm like, you can feel however you want about it. And, um, he was like, oh, okay. And that was it.

Like, and he did it.

We talked about it a little bit about like, why does it bother you? I kind of shared about like past jealousy stuff. And I'm like, I don't, I don't want to be jealous, and here's the triggers. And I kind of shared, you know, the different triggers. Like, and him and I both, we, you know, we absolutely still have like male, female friends. We don't do things with them. That was another one. We don't do things with them separately or alone.

Yes.

And it's just an aspect of these different conversations came up in the beginning And I can tell you that Chris and I have never, ever, ever argued once in 23 years of being together, 19 years married, of being jealous ever once.

I love that. You know what I wanted to ask you on the, on my podcast that I, I, we were just getting caught up.

Yeah.

Was, yeah. Like the boundaries that you and Chris have with the opposite sex. Mm-hmm. Because things like podcasts, you interview guys, he interviews females, like, like, um, and I— it's so funny because I just actually had a conversation with someone about this on the way here. But like, not you guys, but just like the one-on-one, uh, you know, closeness boundaries. Because things happen when you start sharing and you start being open with the opposite sex, even if you're not intentionally trying to attract that person, right? You are opening yourself up to that. And so I was curious— I know I'm not interviewing you, but I do want to hear, do you guys have like certain boundaries or expectations?

I think there's some boundaries that are even unspoken, but we both do it. So like, if I let's say I've interviewed a guy and we're like, maybe we're gonna talk after because maybe there's something we're gonna do, we put the partner on the text.

100%.

Yes. So it's always like very open. If we're gonna go to dinner or a lunch, my partner's like gonna come with me.

Yes.

Yeah. And unless I'm meeting for business for something, then that's like in a public place and whatever.

It's not like an intimate, right?

Exactly. But so, and him and I talk openly about that stuff all the time. We're like, we're not dumb. No, I'm not like— the reason that Temptation Island is watched by everyone is because it's like, oh, they're gonna put you in a position that's gonna tempt even the most— yes, whatever person, which I don't think they all are loyal. But like, I'm very— Chris and I are very open and aware that if someone— if we put ourselves in a certain situation enough, we're not like super— we're not above it at all. And so we protect our relationship in that way, like, at all costs.

Yep, that's really That's something that I really like. I also like respect and admire and that I will implement in my next relationship.

Yes. Good. Take that one with you. All right. So obviously we love talking about everything, all of these, every single topic on the planet with your podcast because you just really are getting out into the world with it right now.

Mm-hmm.

What are some of the things that you're really excited to, to deep dive on?

I love meeting people and hearing the stories that you don't see on the perfect feed, right? And I think that we, we both hit on it that sometimes when you feel like you're presenting a perfect life and you feel like people don't really know you or the struggles that it took to get to success. So that's honestly something that super excites me every time I interview someone. I want to know a challenge that maybe they've overcome or are still overcoming that other people might not know just by looking at their business or knowing them in a different context. And that is very powerful. I love when people feel safe to share on the podcast their heart and their pain and how they've turned their pain into purpose. I think that those are the stories that help people not feel alone, and that is my mission. That is my mission. With the podcast is that whoever hears it, they can, they can think to themselves, wow, I thought I was the only one struggling with this and I'm not. And really the podcast was born out of me wanting and needing a resource like that as a child, but as an adult, as an early adult saying, huh, I'm, I'm struggling, no one else gets it. But now I get to interview people from so many different industries and not even entrepreneurs. It could be an everyday person that has an inspiring story and be like, wow, okay, if they can do it, I can do it. Or this is what helped them, so this is— maybe I can try this. It will help me.

That's what makes us feel like we can do it. I love C.S. Lewis's quote. It's like, it says, connection begins and friendship begins when someone says, you too.

Yes, I love that quote.

Oh, I love it so much because I love that quote. That's the whole point point of your podcast and podcasting is to show people that, you know, no matter how alone you feel, no matter what story you think is stopping you, someone out there has it that you could relate to that can, that can be your permission. Yep. Yeah, that's one of the, one of the biggest things that helped me do all of the things that I did was seeing someone else with a similar story do something really big. And it's the moment of, if, if they can do it with that story, then I can do it with mine because that story just like shook me and moved me into action, which is so huge.

So absolutely.

What is something for you right now that you are personally working on? Like you are— this is your, your kind of your main thing that you're focused on that you would really like to move through. Maybe it's a story that you want to move through, something that you're working on personally.

Wow. I think personally I'm still still navigating. This is really like, this is really personal, but that I don't have to earn love. Because as someone who has, you know, a very entrepreneurial spirit and has my hands in a lot of things, it's off of achievement. And you get recognized, you get the pats on the back, you have affirmation, and then you get into these relationships and you're like, do they like me or what I can do? And I think that as a child, so eager and desperate for my stepmom's approval and love, I felt like I had to be all these things to be accepted. And so now I'm kind of unlearning that and stepping into Alexis, just who you are. Mm-hmm. You are loved. You don't have to earn that, even in friendships. Mm-hmm. Because sometimes I think like, It's people want to be my friend because I can offer them something.

Totally.

You know, friendships are hard as an adult and I just— so that's something separate. But I do like with friendships, I would definitely want to cultivate a group where it's safe and you're just you without some strings attached. But especially in romantic relationships, that's the story that I'm unlearning, you know?

Well, you can invite all those relationship experts on your show.

Yeah, I honestly That's like, I'm so— I'm being free therapy. I'm going to ask all the questions and I will do that.

That's literally when I started. I was like, when I, when I started Glossier, I was like, every female founder with the product came on my show.

Yeah. You're like, okay, I'm going to— How'd you build it?

Yeah.

What'd you do? How'd you raise money? Like, what'd you do? So where was that manufactured?

Literally, for real. It was like every single question. So yeah, it's absolutely Exactly what you do. So, well, thank you so much for coming on. I'm so grateful for you. Where can we find you, follow you, all the things?

Yes, um, for personal content, Alexis and Andra, and then for business, The Shift Creative, and for podcast, you could— Alexis and Andra is perfect, but it's Shift Happens.

Okay, we'll put everything in the show notes. And you guys, truly, for everything with your brand, or if you have a product, or you want to shoot a incredible creative campaign like I have coming out. You can watch for it in March. We'll be rolling it out March and April, actually. So you can watch all that creative goodness over @getglossy on Instagram. That'll be super fun. But I'll link everything in the show notes. And thank you guys so much for tuning in. Until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.