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Manifesting doesn't necessarily feel good.

No, it's terrible.

This cute little hobby of yours is costing us so much money and we don't have that money anymore.

Is that when you learned how to drop it like it's hot?

It's literally- Distract. Exactly.

Now watch this.

Give me the money, honey. I need that sparkly bikini.

And a woman was like, excuse me, I just have to interrupt. That was everything I needed to hear today. I showed up today and I was gonna quit. I literally remember being like, I was gonna quit. Now you can't quit.

I literally could not understand. I'm like, you have this platform. You're hilarious. You're amazing on stage. Go on. And I just had to say, you,'re so hot. Your butt is so round. Your hair is so, like, it's crazy.

The moment you call in your next expansion. you're asking to be shown where you're limited.

I just need to stop waiting for someone to anoint me and I need to anoint myself.

The only limit is how big I can think.

This is the part of manifesting that is so important, you guys, is we forget [Speaking of].

We'Ve prepared a delicious topic for you tonight, and I know some of the people in the room are going to be really excited. We're going to talk about manifesting. We're going to talk about how when we reflect back on both of our journeys, there is a unique and distinct formula that a lot of our success, a lot of our moments that have really catapulted us to the next level have followed. And I was listening to another podcast where they were talking about this to pay attention to the patterns within your own way of manifesting how when you do, you can actually look for where it'll give you insight into where you're maybe stuck or where you can create momentum now that you aren't currently experiencing. Cause I don't know about anyone else, but can you look back at other seasons of your business or your life where you were really like making shit happen and then you get to another phase and you stop doing the shit that works? Anyone, just me? So I was really reflecting on this conversation and then we were together on a girls trip. We get together and do a mastermind twice a year with a bunch of, you know, entrepreneurs that a lot of you already know and love. And Lori is sharing with the group a story of how she really made it in the fitness industry. And all I could hear was this podcast conversation that I had just been listening to It was almost like I was hearing my friend share her unique manifestation pattern and the things that she did to overcome the things that felt like blocks, the things that felt like they were in her way in order to become, I mean, you were legendary in the fitness industry. I'm like, people kind of forget you're like actually legendary in the fitness industry. Like she accomplished things that people, like no one had done. She won Miss Bikini America, or was it universe?

It was both.

I was like, okay, casual and Miss Fitness America slash universe in the same year that had never been done before. And I remember this was actually around the time that you and I like our paths started to cross through fitness, through network marketing. So we're going to kind of unpack this using both of our stories tonight. But what we want you to be listening for, I want you to think back. to a time in your life where you did something really bold, you really look back on, it's like a time stamp, you were one person before, then there was this really transformative period of time, and who you were on the other side was not the same. And we want to start to invite everyone who's here with us live in person, everyone who's listening to the audio experience or watching on YouTube to reflect on their own journey, and we're gonna start to look for clues for where you can find your next keys to creating momentum. Because ultimately, that is what this information can provide is it can provide you a glimpse into the places where you can tap into. Because if it's worked before, it means you have access to those same tools, to that same energy, and you can bring it into your current life and whatever it is that you are manifesting. So do we want to start with your story of What was going on in your life before you really got your big break in fitness? Because to me, when I heard you sharing this with the group, it was laced with all of these patterns that really, it's an energy that I watch you now tapping into as you're building Glossy, but it had so much wisdom for you and what you specifically do when you're really taking things to the next level.

I love that. Yeah, I would love to start with that. and thanks for bringing me back to that because it's a really important thing for me to hear again because I'm in a whole new season where it feels really easy to forget what that is. Because when you're in the portion where you're learning all the new things, it's like you forget like what manifesting even feels like. And manifesting can literally just feel like one more thing to check off that box and it starts to feel like a chore. So this, I'm so excited for this because it just, even us talking about it in there, it kind of like dropped me right back in. So I hope that it does that for you guys. So let's go back to when I first started doing fitness competitions. It's so fun because we've got another cover girl in the house as well, which is so fun. I wanna hear her manifesting story later. Because there has to be one in order to do that. Like it's very real. Okay. If I went back to that time, that was a time where I would say the biggest thing that I was struggling with was massive imposter syndrome around the fact of not being smart enough and not being educated and not being qualified whatsoever. I was a high school dropout. I just left a fairly restrictive religion where it was very much like the things that I did in that religion would not have been like fitness did not necessarily work within that religion. So mind you, around this time, there's only like six years in between the identity that I grew up with my entire life. And you guys know six years in the, in the land of breaking old patterns is not a whole lot, especially when you're about to put yourself out there and your family still has this idea and this identity of exactly who you are. So I'm fighting in the world of, oh, my God, if I go and be the person that I want to be, like my family is going to see. This is gonna like really, I don't know what it's gonna do. I don't know if I'm gonna be kicked out eternally or I don't know if this is gonna ruffle feathers. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to handle what's gonna come with me putting myself out there in this way, like the imposter syndrome and who the heck does she think she is? 'Cause also at the time, all of my friends were big drinkers, big partiers. Um, you know, I was living in Wisconsin. It was very much like if I told a girlfriend that I worked with, I showed her a cover and I said, I wanna do this. And she was like, that's funny. And she really meant it. And she's like, oh, you really wanna do this? Yeah, we'll see. I got that all of the time because it wasn't normal, it wasn't seen. It was just very not normal, not what we have right now. So I'm dealing with all of those things. And I start in the fitness industry in the fitness world. And not the fitness industry, I just start trying to compete. That sounded like I was making money or something. I was giving them lots of money. I'm like, I'll photo shoot anything, just like, please pay attention to me. So I was very much in a place of fear and lack and not feeling like I was educated enough. And so at that point, I had started to set some goals. And thankfully, really early, I understood that in order to get to my goals, I have to go be with a group or be with a team or go be with a network of people, just kind of like what we're doing here and what I know a lot of you are doing in this room, like getting in those rooms and moving forward in a mastermind or a group. So I found that in the fitness world, which helped me realize, oh, other people are doing this and they all have the same exact, like, fear. They all have the same lack of support from their family, from their friends. But within this little space, we can kind of go and move in this world and hold each other accountable and do it together. And so I started competing. I competed about four years. I did okay, but I never seemed to place, like, first. or I think second place. Like it was always like third, fourth, fifth, ninth, third, fourth, fifth. Like it was just kind of all over the place like that. And, you know, it had been four years of doing that. And my husband and I, some of you know the story that we ended up being in a really rough financial situation right during that time, kind of like where my years of patience with Chris was starting to fizzle out of is this the hobby? And you're not really, we're paying a whole lot of money for you to do this. And so the conversation at home started to get really intense of this cute little hobby of yours is costing us so much money and we don't have that money anymore. And it was like that cute little hobby was my life's purpose and dream. So you can imagine the spice that arose in the household.

Was that when you learned how to drop it like it's hot?

It's literally, yeah, I dropped something.

Distract.

Exactly. Now watch this. Yeah. Give me the money, honey. I need that sparkly bikini. It costs a lot of money. Those little Swarovski crystals are expensive.

They're so fucking expensive.

Why? Every single one. I was like, could we just use glitter? No, that would not have worked. So at that, but you thought about it. At that time, it was really the battle of, okay, do I stop this? Do I keep going? And I remember I would stand in front of my vision board because this is, you guys, this was a long time ago. I was kind of like one of the first towards vision boards. In fact, I know a lot of you in this room were. But I had this vision board up next to my bed and it had a bunch of covers of all of these women whose magazines I bought like all of the time. It was the women that I just like aspired to be like. And I would stand in front of it daily and look at it and picture myself, you know, as a cover girl and the things that it would like bring in my life. And I had this moment where I was standing in front of my vision board and nothing was seeming to go my way, like, because I wasn't looking at the things that were. I was very much in, like, the poor me. I'm never gonna make it. Why are some of these girls that I, you know, have started competing with over the past four years? They've gotten the covers, they're getting the attention, they're getting the contracts, they're starting to get paid. And I was feeling really bad. And this in. In that moment, what was happening is I was going back, like, through my past and looking for all the times things didn't work out. And guess what I found? All of the evidence of this probably actually won't work for you because nothing has worked for you. And I just brought in everything of like, oh, wow. Yeah, I just kind of like, everything takes really long for me. And I just kind of always finish under everybody else. And so this was my story. And I had this moment in front of this vision board by myself at home where I'm staring at it. And I was like, I'm never gonna get there. Like, I'm probably never going to get that. And so I want you to picture right now that thing that you really want and just having that come to Jesus moment of saying to yourself, like, you're probably never gonna get that. Like, deciding in that moment, because that's what we're doing, right? And I. I just had a moment of deciding, like, I'm probably never gonna get that. And I threw myself on my bed that was next to it, and I literally had a full-on adult. Breakdown. Like I beat the bed. I was screaming, like doing the ugly cry. And we've all done it before where you're just like exhausting yourself and you're getting it all out and you have this realization that no one was there to see the beauty of what you just did. You're just like, that was so good. Like that was some of my finest work. That was my finest work. That truly was my finest breakdown. So you're kind of like, you know, where you're like, like it's actually exhausting to continue. Like, continue doing it?

Then you kind of catch yourself in the mirror. And you're like, God, I look like.

A do I look cute if I cry that way? And you're like.

No, I don't know.

I'm kidding, I was kidding about that last part.

Just me.

So in that exact moment, I also, you have this like higher self moment. And I know you've had these, and we have to like bank on these, please God send me more of them. but I had this higher self moment of why do I actually want that thing? Like, why do we want the thing? And this is the part we forget. This is the part of manifesting that is so important, you guys, is we forget why we actually want it, and we forget that we can go and create that without someone. So I thought to myself, okay, I want Community. I wanted Community so bad I could taste it. And I thought that maybe by winning these things or getting these covers that I'd finally feel like what a popular girl felt like. Because let me tell you, being raised in religion I was raised in. You don't feel popular, do you? You're raised in my same religion. You're very much like an outcast. And I think that that can stay with you. So I remember just thinking like, okay, I want community. Like that's, it's not the popularity that I want. Actually, the underlying of the popularity is feeling wanted, is feeling community, and it's feeling like I need to want myself and I have to find myself valuable. Okay. And so I was like, what else do I want? I want to feel like an inspiration to people. I want to feel like I'm a leader. Like I know that I'm a teacher and I'm a leader. So I'm, you know, wanting to be able to lead these communities. And that was when I said to myself, I'm like, oh my God, I just need to stop waiting for someone to anoint me and I need to anoint myself. And I had the moment of, I need to cut out the middleman. So in every single thing that we're trying to manifest and create, there's someone or something that you're putting in the middle that you believe is going to give it to you. And it's the hardest part about it and the most beautiful part about it is the realization that the only person who can give it to you is yourself. And that's so confronting because it comes with a lot of work. And I would be lying if I sat here and said that it wasn't the most challenging portion of manifesting that is gonna come with manifesting. So, you know, in the moment of I'm cutting out the middleman, I'm going to anoint myself, it was what are the things that I could be doing now that will create that? So I started a YouTube channel. I started something called Busy Girl Healthy Life, and I started cooking turkey sausage on YouTube constantly.

Dropping it like it's hot.

It was my best recipe. A bunch of other things as well. I was cooking on YouTube, and then I created a community at my little gym that I had, my little gym space. I was like, okay, how could I create more community within this fitness community or within the community that I have? And so I started putting on every single weekend, it felt like I was either doing an empowerment thing or I was doing a workout type thing or I was doing a Sunday session where you all got together and you worked out and you learned how to pose or be on stage. And I started getting the community that I wanted and I started creating the leadership positions and I started getting attention for the cooking stuff that I was doing, and I put out a self-published cookbook. So with all of that said, I finally started getting attention from the magazine because I had been turned down so many times. So for four years straight, I was pitching myself the whole time, and it was, you,'re not the right look, you're not the girl for us, you're never gonna get this cover. Like it was very, very like, you,'re not our girl, could you please stop?

Was it kept going? Was there even like a time that you had paid out of your own pocket to go and do the shoot? and then they told you you weren't getting the COVID Yes.

During that time of our brokenness, I just want to bring you back there where I had literally zero money. They had given me a call. This was kind of when I had started this stuff. And they said, you know, we'd love to do a test shoot cover with you. And I was like, this is it. This is my moment. You guys, I was freaking out. And you're not supposed to tell anyone because it's a test shoot and you don't know if you're gonna get it. But imagine going up for a test cover shoot and flying to Canada, Toronto, and being like, this is it. Like, you get to shoot for an entire day. You shoot all the layouts, you shoot a cover all day long, and then you leave and you don't know if you're getting the COVID and you can't tell anyone. And so I'm thinking, I definitely have this cover. I spent all the money on outfits because as much as we would love to think that you get paid and it's glamorous, you pay for your way and you pay for all of your outfits and you pay for everything. And so I get up there during our time of brokenness paying for everything, and I'm like, Chris, this is it. Like, this is the moment. This is amazing. Three months later, I get a call. Oh, we're not using your cover. I'm like, okay. And of course you have the breakdown moments, but also I just felt so clear on the path that I was able to create myself that I was like, this isn't like, that's not the end. Even though it felt like the kiss of death, cuz they actually say in fitness, if you don't get a cover used, it's the kiss of death cuz they didn't like you or you did something wrong. But you're left with no answer. And I was like, that's okay, because we're gonna keep on going. And for me, manifesting has always, you brought me back to that by even telling that story of the realization that somewhere within there, whenever I'm trying to do something, I'm giving my power to something or someone. So it's a huge manifestation block for me. So the formula for me is to go and do deep work around right now. I'm trying to manifest something. Who am I giving my power away to, whether it's something with my company going, oh, When I find that person on that team who can do that, that's when we'll do it, right? That's when this will shift. When we finally figure out X that seems like something, you know, outside of what I can do right now, or it's not going to be me who's going to be able to do it. That's when that's going to start working. And it's having the moment of, oh, I'm really relying heavily on giving someone my power or relying on someone else because there's some sort of work there that I'm avoiding deeply because it's very confronting and it's probably to, it probably has the potential to give me some like really scary rejection or some really confronting things about me. Like maybe you're not smart. Maybe you do have to really, really work on a new skill set. Maybe you do have to look at that part of yourself. And so that's my formula is to always kind of look at where I'm avoiding or giving my power away.

So just so that we don't forget to tie it to the, to the eventual breakthrough, because it is really powerful. When was the moment that you got the call about your first cover?

Mm-.

And what happened immediate, like in the weeks slash months before that.

So what ended up happening was really, really understanding and rooting into this idea of I get to create all of those emotions that I wanted and all of those things in my life for me. And it was when I had the community, when I really started to like create, like really work on the YouTube show and also do the cookbook. And I think just really put myself out there in my own way. Facebook Lives were, I think Facebook, I don't know if Facebook Lives were coming out then, but I remember being so out there and never waiting and never thinking and never like trying to not worry about what other people thought and just putting everything that I wanted out into the world without waiting for someone else. And that was when I had created so much value within the community and I looked at myself as so valuable that all of a sudden, guess what happened? you become very valuable to other people when you look at yourself as very valuable. That's so good. And it's a moment of like becoming undeniable for yourself. And that's when people can't ignore you. And so when I went back to the magazines, I just had so much value to write down like, Hey, here's what I would love to, here's what I would love to offer. Here's how I can help you. Here's how I could get you exposure. And that's when they said, oh, this is amazing, 'cause they're a business. And that's when I went and got the COVID And at that time, it was just kind of like, okay, I don't know if they're gonna use this one, so you better have some freaking fun with it.

And so the way you went into the COVID shoot was even different.

It was so different. It was, it wasn't from a pick me, oh my God, are they gonna take this? Oh my gosh, you know, of course you want it more than anything, but at the same time, I was like, well, this is the experience you wanted was to actually shoot the COVID and have that experience.

I'm just like having this moment where I'm like, my friend is so cool. And you went on to do 11 covers, 10? Was it only 10? Was it only 10 or was it 11?

I don't, I actually-- She lost count.

So many covers.

But-- There's was like digital things and there were all these different-- But like.

That was such a catalyst moment. And when you were sharing that story, even though I had heard it before with our girlfriends, I could hear all those little moments. And when you tied it back to that Just that lesson for all of us is like, where am I waiting for someone else to anoint me? How has that now inspired the season that you're in with building Glosey?

Oh my God. I mean, you guys, you know, it's everything. We're waiting to get accepted by friend groups. We're waiting to feel good enough to, you know, take the leap into something. We're waiting for someone to go, you know, we're hiring coaches, which is Great, by the way, but I'm saying like we're literally spending money to get confirmation from someone. And I get it. I did all the, all of those things too. But it's almost like allowing yourself, and this may not be your formula, but give it a try, but allowing yourself to really like observe how much you are avoiding your own power out of some sort of fear of either the work or of what's going to come with that power and attention. And it's like digging into that and going, oh, there it is. And when you find it, when you see it, it's ugly and it's confronting because it's work. It's work. And we're trying to avoid the work, like trying to find, I think, a sweet, fluffy way that's going to come and be like, oh my gosh, you've done so much work so far. Let's reward it. We found you. We've been looking.

Exactly. Because you're the most amazing woman in America. We found her. And they knock on your door with.

A bouquet of flowers. Who else dreamt of that? I think, I think America's Top Model really fucked us over.

I was thinking of the publisher's clearing house, but... I was thinking when they find them.

On the streets of New York, I'm like just walking around like, where are they? And they're like, it's not you, honey.

That's so good though.

I just think that we get rewarded from all of our hard work with more hard work, but in a different way.

Well, and we were talking about that as we were preparing for this conversation, how you know, this. I think manifestation gets really glamorized, and we can Overlook the hard work part because there is a part of us. I think there's a part of our soul that knows we actually want to have skin in the game and we want to earn it. We actually don't want it just to drop from the sky without having to do at least some internal, like, spiritual work and evolve into the person who can hold it. So at some point you're going to meet yourself. You're going to meet a part of you that didn't want to do the work or is bumping up against where you feel really insecure or scared. And that is usually for me the point right when things are about to get good, but it feels like the most intense resistance you've ever experienced.

What for you is your power opposite that you do?

My favorite flavor of self-sabotage.

Exactly, favorite flavor of self-sabotage.

So I'm kind of playing it back because in this season, what I realize is that similar, but I think I have my own words and there's a different energy to it. I really am just waiting for someone to discover me. I am waiting for the perfect partner to show up on my doorstep, which.

When do we tell that story?

It's kind of happened.

'Cause everything I just said is It's gonna go out the window. And I'm just gonna wait for it.

We're not sure. It's a research project. It's in the very early stages.

We're still in the lab. You should wear a lab coat.

Literally blushing right now. But I'm waiting for someone. Someone literally showed up on my doorstep. That's what we're saying, guys. Okay, that's another story for another day. But in business, this has not happened yet, Something just shows up without what I'm trying to avoid is I'm trying to avoid putting myself out there to possibly be rejected. I do this in so many different ways within my business. I hide behind the fact that I'm like, how amazing is it that powerhouse women has scaled and we have such a small audience? I hide behind that because I'm more comfortable with having a small audience. I don't want to put myself out there and try put effort into growing an audience, have it not happen, and then find out that I'm not actually that special. Ooh, just let that one land. Yeah. So when I look back at my version of when I was really searching for what is that pattern, where were the times where I felt that same resistance and I did something different and something transformed? For me, it was the season that preceded Powerhouse Women even being a thing. It was when I ended up writing a book And what happened was I tapped into this energy, and I think it's so powerful. I've been taught, I talked a lot at our Expanders retreat, which there's a lot of Expanders alumni in the room, this last retreat we had about how expansion as a formula inherently means the moment you call in your next expansion, you're asking to be shown where you're limited.

So bad.

Wow, I hope they got that on the audio.

Do we really want this or should we just drink wine for the rest of the night? Let's go back to our lower selves.

Exactly. Back to the doorstep. So when we're asking for expansion, we're actually asking to be shown where we're limited. It's awful. It's the worst and the best. Because when we see where we're limited, that's where we know our next action is. That's where we know we need to go and do some mindset work, some digger deeping. Digger deeping?

Oh, I love it.

I like how you kind of just all went with that. That was great. That was great.

So, it actually sounded right, didn't it? I was like, that is so ritual. It kind of works.

Yes. So when I think back to even the energy that I feel in my life right now, having gone through such a personal identity death and, you know, coming into this rebirth, What the energy feels like for me is just, I know that there is something that this season holds for me, but it feels really uncertain. And I love certainty. I love to have a plan. I love to know exactly where I'm going. If you give me a goal, I'll hit it. And in some ways that limits me because it has me think within the realm of what I already know. And what I'm realizing when I reflect back on everything that happened preceding powerhouse women becoming what it is today, it was a season where I had no idea why I felt drawn to doing certain things. In that case, it was writing a book. So I was on Facebook one day, a lot of you have heard this story, but I see this post from an acquaintance and it said, I'm something about writing, doing a program that helped entrepreneurs get their message out in the form of a book. And I still to this day have the screenshot of the message I sent her that said, I don't know why I'm messaging you, but something said, you should do that. And I had all of this evidence for how I was not a writer. I had tried to launch this blog. Some of you have heard of it. No one has read it, because I didn't share it with a soul. It was called Love, Lindsay. Such a cute name, right? The branding was pink and hot pink.

Of course it was.

I hated it from the start, but I paid this woman in my B&I group to do the branding. and she terrified me. I was so afraid of her. I had no backbone. I was like, I love it, hated it. But I wrote one article per year, and it never took off. No one ever discovered me.

That is shocking.

So I still to this day can't believe it. So I had so much evidence for why writing a book was not something I was qualified to do, but there was just something in me that was like, pulling me toward this next yes. So I joined a program to write a book over a year and I paid money. Whenever I say that, I'm like, I didn't get a publishing deal. No, I paid them money and I said, take my money, hold me accountable, I'm gonna do this. And over the next year, I tried to quit three times, like actually showed up to the call, was about to quit, and just something in me was like, okay, you already know what it feels like. to quit. You've done that with so many other things. You get to the point where you're getting some momentum, but you also are starting to press up against the limit of what you know yourself to be capable of. You get scared and then you want to quit. And the best part is I'm a Capricorn, so I can make my quit sound really cute. It'll sound like, gosh, I just need to give myself more grace. I think I've been, I'm just like burning the candle at both ends. And I am just, my bandwidth is, like I use really personally developed words to say, I'm scared. I want to quit. And in those instances, in every moment where I was about to quit, what I'm proud of myself for was I was at least going to show up and quit like a woman. I was going to tell them to their face that I was like, thank you so much. This has been great, but I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna be continuing. And the three times where I tried to quit, I would show up to these calls, these Zoom calls, and we would have to read out loud some of the copy we had written. And I did that part, and then afterward I had this whole speech prepared, and I'll never forget the first one, and a woman was like, Excuse me, I just have to interrupt. That was everything I needed to hear today.

I showed up today and I was gonna quit. That's insane.

And I was like, this bitch. I literally remember being like, Fuck, I was gonna quit. Now you can't quit. And she's like, Had you not written that, I would have given up on this dream I have, and I know I'm supposed to be an author.

I can't wait for your book. And I was like, Not happening.

Me either. So in those moments, and what was happening was I was really afraid to put something out there and have it be judged and have it be imperfect is essentially what it was. I wanted to be the fully formed version of myself and get to show that to the world, not the imperfect part. So the book, I finish it at least, thank God, and then publishing time comes around and some of you have heard this story. I go to publish And we hit Amazon best seller. It was so exciting. And then my editor calls and she's like, I'm thinking she's calling to congratulate me. And I answer the phone and I'm like, hello.

Best seller here.

Yeah, you. Anything you want to tell me? And she said, I'm sick to my stomach. There's a typo on the COVID and I just realized it. And so in this moment, it's like, you know, that moment where I realized it was almost like the record scratch happened and it was like time stopped, like the Zach Morris TV time out. for anyone who's like 40 or above. And everyone else go Google, Save by the Bell. And I realized I had this choice to make because the old version of me would have pulled everything back. I would have been way too embarrassed. I just would have stopped because it was like the worst fear happened. I did something, it felt so vulnerable to put that out there. And then it was imperfect. People were gonna see me do this thing imperfectly. And then I got like messages about people finding typos in the book. And I was like, It's fine. It's fine. Everything's fine. And I remember just being like, no, I got this far using this mantra that I had heard, this girl that I followed on Facebook share all the time that done is better than perfect. And I was like, what if I just leave it? Like I got this far. What if I just let it go? Like we'll fix the typos, whatever. And then that like led to, I had started this little Facebook group. And I love that Jill and Mary are here tonight because I shared this on our podcast just the other day. Like I was too afraid. You were so brave. You did Facebook lives to like all of Facebook. I created a Facebook group so that I could only do Facebook Lives in front of like 10 people. So I do this Facebook Live in the group and it was around the time that the book was launching and I remember wanting to throw up. I thought it was the worst thing I had ever done. I thought it made no sense. I thought my words were jumbled. And same thing, I was like, nope, I'm gonna leave it up. I'm gonna do the opposite that everything, like my nervous system wants to bail right now because I don't wanna be seen. in a less than fully polished state. And so I leave it up, go to the gym, because I had to, like, my fight or flight was like, well, go somewhere. Otherwise, you're going to take this down. And an hour later, my good friend Jill, who is the manager of Lululemon Scottsdale Quarter at the time, said, I just watched your live. And I just shared it with my entire leadership team. Actually, we're planning this staff meeting for about 50 people in two days. Will you come and, like, Speak to our staff. And I remember being like, yes, like petrified, but kept leaning in. And so when I look at even everything in the early days of powerhouse women, there's so many moments where like we would not be sitting here today. I would love to believe I would have created something else. I think I feel that there's all like there's a calling on my life that was going to hunt me down and chase me until I finally surrendered to it. But in those moments were the moments that I got to overcome the very thing that I thought kept me safe when it actually kept me small. And little by little, every single time that I did, something really great would happen on the other side. But it was after a prolonged period of extreme discomfort. It wasn't like I always got the immediate gratification of someone saying, Hey, will you come and speak? I saw your live. Cause I'm still cringing like, God, she showed it to people. So embarrassing. But over time, doing more of those things is what I think just gave me the confidence, it gave me the trust in myself, which you spoke to this, too. Then you get to the point where the energy that you're projecting out there is, that's a magnetic energy. But I think we miss these micro opportunities to build the self-trust that underlies, that's the current that underlies the most magnetic energy.

And thank God you left that typo in, because Powerhouse Woman Fucking Beard.

That would have been a great typo. Powerhouse Woman Fucking Beard. No, it was an extra L in the word fulfill. So I would say I was very full.

And I probably didn't even notice it. But I, you know, every time you tell that story, I forget that if it wasn't for your book, I don't think we'd be here right now. When Lindsay had, so I was writing a book simultaneous to Lindsay. It started about, I don't think I knew that. Three years earlier than that, though, and I just kept, like, writing and writing and writing and writing this book, because I was like, I'm gonna write this book, and when the book is done, I'm gonna get it published. Like, thinking that's how this actually worked. That's not how a book actually works. Well, it can. But all of a sudden, I'm, like, in year three of writing this book that I just can't figure out how to write a book because I never learned and never got help thinking I could do it alone. And Lindsay's book comes in the mail.

I was like, hey, I'm gonna send this to you. I don't want anything for it. I just want you to know that. Literally hearing her say, Done is better than perfect, is what got me through writing. And I wanted to send her a copy so she could see her impact.

And it was literally the sweetest ever, except at that moment, because I'm gonna be so honest. In the personal development journey, this is gonna be like, oh, really? Is that how Laurie is? Okay. I felt like maybe I was ahead of you in that moment. 'Cause I was like, okay, I've been speaking on stages. I've been going and doing all these things, but I couldn't get my book done. So, Lindsay, I freaking loved her. Like, I always, there was something about her that I'm like, I loved her. I literally already felt like she was my friend. But when I got a book from a girl who felt like she was maybe like coming to my stuff at the moment, this would be like if you started maybe coaching someone or someone came into your world to be like, Hey, I want to learn from you. And then they send you the thing that you can't seem to get done. I was like, oh, This is so cool that your quoting done is better than perfect back to me right now. And so I freaking loved it. And I have to tell you, that was like the moment that I was like, fuck this noise. I'm getting my book done. If you don't do this, I can literally do this. And that was, I totally forget about that. I actually forgot, that was completely buried until you told that story last time. It's like, I can't believe that your book was an actual catalyst that lit a huge fire under my butt. So being jealous of someone or having a moment of, wait a second, was one of the most you guys can take that and make it so powerful. I didn't go, oh, I hate this girl. I literally went, oh my God. She literally just did the thing that I can't seem to do right now. And it inspired me so much that that was it. And that was also the moment for me that every time I saw you, I put you in the craziest high regard that you became a peer to me. 'Cause I was full of, full of, full of filled. 'Cause I was like, I understood that she was on the battlefield with me. And I was like, that's a girl I really wanna know. And I was so grateful for you.

And that was it for me. That's so cool to get to reflect back on that. And so in this season, what I'm looking at is, okay, there's definitely this part of me that is waiting to be discovered, waiting for the perfect partner to show up on my doorstep, waiting for someone to be like, I'm here to take Powerhouse Women to the next level without you ever having to get uncomfortable. comfortable. And I'm just noticing myself, like in, when I'm in that energy and then in a similar way to what I did in that season, looking for where I can do the opposite, right? Looking for where I can lean into fear, looking for where I can lean into opportunities when someone shows up on your doorstep and just like being really uncomfortable. Like that is a, like, relationships right now are probably like the most tender place for me. Like I'm so, my heart is, is like so afraid of being shattered again. But what can I learn about myself? What can I learn about what I'm capable of by leaning into the places that feel the least comfortable in the moment? And then the other energy that I realized from when I wrote the book, there was this powerful energy for me that I didn't write a book called Powerhouse Woman, just one, ever thinking it would turn into Powerhouse Women. thousands and thousands. I did it to prove to myself that I could. And it was a way of it was a creative expression, which I'm realizing how much creativity is a part of me that I often suppress. And I value logic and performance and results over it, where I. I am like a really creative Soul. So in this season, I kept getting this ping. Yes, I. I've thought about writing another book. before, but all of a sudden I was like, I just have this vision of like documenting this time of life. This is such a transformative time of life for me. I, you know, if you don't understand why, go back and listen to a couple episodes of the Powerhouse Women podcast, but basically like resetting my entire life. And there's, what's so cool about this, this time period is that there's no one I have to be. I can literally decide to be anyone that I want, which sounds great, but it's also very intimidating. because now it's the only limit is how big I can think. So in this season, I kept getting this little nudge. I haven't shared this anywhere other than like in, like with individual people, just to document. And I don't know what I'm making, but I'm documenting video, documenting my life, the behind the scenes moments, the things that most people don't get to see. and I don't know if that turns into a documentary. I don't know if it turns into something just for me to have to capture, like the tenderness, the beauty, the hard parts, and the beautiful parts of this season. But what it feels like is the same energy where I wrote a book never having any business intent, and it feels like I'm just supposed to capture this and let it show me what it's supposed to turn into. Just like the book wasn't meant to inspire A community and a business and being able to sit here today with my best friend and get to have these amazing conversations with all of you. So what I'm realizing is how much again, my logical mind, especially now that there's, you know, there's team members and there's budgets and there's things that I have to be responsible for is I forgot my creativity. I forgot to nurture the part of me that's the most magnetic. And that's the part of me that It doesn't necessarily always make sense in the moment, but it's a pure expression of my heart and soul. And there's gonna be something beautiful that comes from that. I mean, at the end of the day, I still am a business woman. I believe there's gonna be business value to me doing that, but I have to leave it right now unencumbered by, like, not weighted down by having this project need to become something. It has to have this energy, this pure energy of I'm just capturing it because I really want to document this right now. And then, you know, I'll invite you all to the movie premiere whenever that happens. So it's been so fun remembering that that was exactly how I felt for a whole year while I was writing a book, and I had no idea, no idea. I mean, that version of me could have never fathomed what came afterward. And I think, I honestly think, if that version of Lindsay could have seen 800 women in a room or the things that I'm doing now, if she could have seen my life now, she probably would have been too scared to keep going. It would have been too much. It would have been too big. So I'm kind of grateful that I don't actually, I, my manifestation formula, I don't get to see much more than just a few steps ahead on the journey. So if you're stopping yourself right now by wanting to know the whole path or wanting to know, is this the right direction? I just want to invite you to check back in to find. Because for me, if I can find, like, this pure energy of excitement, of intention, if I know that this would have added value to a previous version of me, that's my green light to keep going. And I can always pivot. I can always turn it into something.

I love the, like, I just got to see how important the journey of even if it's not happening right away, how important that is. Um, and I know that's so important for, for me and for all of us in this room and how even with the covers, you guys, I wouldn't even been ready on the one where they said, hey, come up, we're gonna shoot a cover. I would have squandered it because I didn't understand business yet where what I saw a lot in that world is that you get a cover and they they take the 15 minutes of fame and they lose it. You never see those girls ever again. They don't know how to hold it. And what happens is when people don't know how to hold it, it just disappears. It doesn't happen again. You didn't capitalize on it. You didn't, you didn't use that moment that you got. And so, you know, the reason it didn't come any sooner for me is because I needed that whole year to understand that that magazine was a business and that I also needed to operate as a business. and that I needed to use that cover to not only help my career and get myself out there, but to help them get out there. And simultaneously, it would be this, like, working ladder of us continuing to prop each other over and over again. And with that particular company, I think I had four or five different covers that, you know, you go back to year after year. That's a lot of years of working together. That's what I want you guys to see. It wasn't luck. It was a working reciprocal relationship where it was like, this year, what can I do for them? This year, what could I bring for them? Oh, I'm speaking on that stage in front of 15,000 people. What if I pitched to them that if I got on another cover, that would be my backdrop for the whole hour I'm up there, right? Like how much advertising is that? And that's literally what I did. And I did that year after year. How can I get them? How could I be free advertising for them over and over? And I would have never thought that way, Lindsay. I would have just squandered it and I would have never gone back for a second. second one because they would have been like, your cover kind of didn't sell that much and you're kind of not offering us anything. And guess what? Everyone's pretty and fit in this industry. Like, you're, you're not different. They are. Everyone's pretty and fit in this industry. Like, literally, what can you do for someone? And so I think when you're manifesting, we forget that it's not coming to you yet for a reason. There's something that you think it's going to provide for you that you actually need to go and provide for yourself. And so, or, or this is another big one.

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I think that we don't understand, I did not understand the amount of patience and letting go and not having something fulfilled that I want in the inner temper tantrums that I would have to calm down that I was having frequently that now that I have the business that I have, which some of you have way bigger businesses, some of you are doing totally different things. It's like the, the amount of things I have to hold with this company and then all the other things I have going on. require a special kind of needing to let go of everything and not having gratification. Sometimes for a year or two or three, where you just feel like you're in the fire. And you guys, if I'm gonna eventually sell this company, it could be seven years of no gratification. Like it could be five years without paying myself. So I would never have ever been able to sit in what I'm sitting in right now of just going, yeah, this is gonna be hard for another three to seven to ten years. , I would have no idea. I would never have been able to hold that if I couldn't have held what it feels like to not get my way over and over and over again and keep showing up. And, and that's when you know, like, oh, you're becoming the person who can withstand something so much bigger, such a, such a bigger company, right? Like, I, I know for all of you who have something where you're like, wow, this is really big. Like, I would have never been able to do this 10 years ago. Cause I didn't have the patience, I didn't have the stamina, I didn't have the gratitude, I didn't understand it. So I do think that You know, in these seasons, we get really upset, but they're the ones that are turning us into the person who can handle the dream.

Yeah, I love that.

So we've got like 10 more minutes before break. So I want to ask you, I know we were talking about back there, that manifesting doesn't necessarily feel good.

No, it's terrible. So much work.

There's an idea around like, okay, okay, if you want to manifest it, you have to feel good every day, all day. And you're like, I'm feeling like right now, but, man, what would it feel like to have seven million dollars in my bank account? You're like, that's not, you know, that's not the case right now. I just got this bill or whatever, whatever is happening in your life at the moment. So I'm not saying we don't want you to learn how to get in the energy of it, but when you're actually doing it, like, give me some real tangible examples of, like, Okay, this is what I have to do to manifest the thing, because it's not just manifesting, it's like manifest plan. This is what I have to do with the thing. What does plan feel like? We were talking about this with Jackie, where is she? Okay, she's back there.

She's hiding from us.

Yeah.

She's like, I don't want to be talking about this.

Well, okay, this is how I want to answer this question, and I know your answer is going to be different, but especially over the last year, I went so deep into my own inner work, I mean, we're talking inner child healing, a lot of shadow work, which is like shadows are, it's like the part of you that you do not even realize that you suppressed at a certain time because it felt safer, right? So even just as simple as admitting that, I want a big life. I believe I am here on this planet to facilitate a lot of wealth and show women that that is possible. There was a version of me that did come up in more of the church environment that felt like a lot of the things that my adult self wants, my inner child felt very unsafe having. It felt like that made me a bad person, which felt like I wasn't gonna get my needs met. Like it felt like my survival was very much in question. So understanding like how deeply rooted, even though I had an amazing childhood, I have amazing parents going into like the nooks and crannies of the different programming that I didn't realize I kept bumping up against because I couldn't explain why. I remember feeling this way when we were both doing network marketing is on the surface, it looked like I was doing all the same things as the people who were out earning me 10x or, you know, even if I look at, I mean, we talk about this all the time with like, you know, my audience size. I know that I am worthy of having a lot more like attention, a lot more eyeballs, a lot more of like those vanity metrics of like people knowing who I who I am or what powerhouse women is.

Can I say what I say to you sometimes?

Yeah, yeah. You can tell them all.

I'm like, can I, because sometimes, like recently, and we need to ask this question again, but you left me beautiful voice note of like, hey, what do you see?

It was at a Sanders. I told everyone to go and ask someone that they knew would be really honest, what do you see as standing in my way?

And I had to take a minute because it's one of your best friends. You're like, she's perfect. I literally don't know.

She's an angel.

I was like, we need to drink more wine together. I don't know. You don't live in California? I'm really pissed about it. I hate that you're not living in California. And then there's, and I've told you this before, but there's this place of, we look at powerhouse women and we're like, okay, this is huge and it is huge, but I'm also like, why don't you pitch yourself on big shows? Why don't you ever do that?

Like why don't you ever pitch yourself for big stages?

--And who's laughing? --Amy --The PR gal in the audience. I do not understand them. Like you have this platform, you're fucking hilarious, you're amazing on stage.

Go on.

And I just had to say, you're so hot, your butt is so round, your hair is so, like, it's crazy. The eyes so blue, like so intense.

Thank you.

But I literally was like, what is, you know, you have those moments with your friend where you're like, do you not want to be seen? Do you, are you, but she was hiding behind, 'cause she would always say, like she's good with where she's at, like she's good with this audience, like you just seemed like you were good or you brushed it off. So I never wanted to push it because I felt pushy, like maybe not everybody wants what I want. And so I just, it was a moment for me of when you were kind of like saying the different things that I was like, wow, I didn't even fully know how much you were hiding.

And I think I'm still starting to like peel back those layers. I can't say like, this one meditation, and all of a sudden my fear of success comes back.

--Well, let me send you to the.

Link that she did do. --Well, I mean, but-- --Is it really? --Anna Marie is in the audience tonight and she'll be coming on the podcast soon. I've been doing such deep work with so many different people, but, you know, Anna Marie is an intuitive therapist. She and I have done sessions on, like, going deep into even, like, past life stuff around, like, where was it not safe to be seen in a really big way, because I hold this dichotomy within myself. And I don't know if anyone relates to this. It's like there was in the early stages such a fear of not being enough. Like a lot of that was shed with going through the process, like this rite of passage of writing a book. And then I think I've kind of stayed in this in between of now I'm afraid to be too much. And it feels like It's tied to like an actual, like it wouldn't be safe for me to be fully seen. Like I can feel my own power within me and it scares me. And so if you listen to the Powerhouse Women podcast, I'm sharing a lot about what I'm doing in the moment right now because that's all that's, that's it. It's like once there's a layer that will come off and it's coming off layer by layer by layer. Yeah. The universe is starting, oh God, like starting to reveal, I mean, Breakthroughs, like literally someone showed up on my doorstep. Stop it. Stop. You're so bad. But like even that where it's like, no, I'm not ready. Like I'm not ready to put myself out there. And here's the other thing, I'm gonna do a podcast on this. The energy of love and money is the same. So it's like where we hide in our most intimate relationships is the same place we hide in our most intimate money relationships. And I'm seeing how much I Again, I'm calling in expansion, so now I'm being mirrored with where I'm limited. And it's a different kind of discomfort. Like I actually prefer the kind of discomfort I went through last year in a fucked up way. Meaning like my whole life kind of crumbled down around me. Somehow that was more comfortable and here's why, 'cause I had to work hard to overcome it. Now my lesson is literally how good can it get and how good can I let it be?

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It'S so scary you guys it's like.

People have the Applause We have that mmm. Just like mmm.

But it's like, that's what we all say we want, and then it shows up on your doorstep, and you're like, nah, not today. Not today.

I'm literally just like, do I want the things I want? 'Cause it is like, do I really want that horrible expansion? I'm just being honest. There are moments I'm like, yes, I want this, but I'm not. I'm so tired. Period.

End of story. But it's all.

That's all.

The reason that we are friends and we're friends with people in this room is that we all know that we are here in this lifetime to do something bigger. And big is relative, right? It's gonna be relative for all of us, but that inherently means we are here on a growth journey. There's a part of us that would die away if we weren't challenging ourselves. We talk about this all the time. If you stopped doing glowy today, if I stopped doing Powerhouse Women today, a month from now, catch me starting something that's like powerful females.

You'd start Powerhouse Hoes Women and I'd start hoesy.

Exactly. I mean, people are pulling for me to have a hoe face. It's not happening, guys. It is not happening. I'm still a good girl.

Back to manifesting. Back to you, Clark. Yeah, so where were we?

Okay, so how much do you hate the growth process right now? Like, where is it most uncomfortable? Where is the discomfort?

Actually, I'll tell you like, so Chris and I have this conversation probably daily right now, 'cause having two startups in the house is pretty intense. Just honestly. Who's got, who works with their partner at all at home. Okay, it's a thing. Or who has like a bestie and you guys are really out in it together, like you have somebody. Yeah, okay. That's also a thing. You know, I think the cool part is once you get to a certain place, quitting is off the table. So I'll just say quitting is off the table for us. It has been for a lot of years. So that's really good. So this is the conversation we always go back to is like, this is the over personal development conversation between two people who do too much personal development. And it's like, okay, Glosey's super hard. His stuff is super hard. There's been pivots in both. We have conversations where we're humbled daily, sometimes humiliated, you know, not all the time, but yeah, there are moments where you're like, that was really tough. And that was with someone who you talk to a lot of people who sometimes aren't nice and it's rare, but it happens and it can kind of take you down. And, you know, there are times where you're like, wow, am I bad at business? Because things are not going great and you can really look at yourself over and over. And if you're not talking to a bunch of different founders all the time, things aren't normalized that are very normal. And so, you know, the big thing that we're doing is surrounding ourselves with other people in our exact situation. So we're feeling a whole lot better, but the conversation continues to be, you know, if we could go back and change anything, or if we had the opportunity to get rid of this or sell it right away, or, you know, if someone just came along and offered us, like, the base value for it to be able to pay off investors and have nothing, would we take it? That's very tempting on your worst days or to be like, let's just sell the asset. Like, let's see what we can get for it. So tempting, you guys. But then we play the movie till the end and we go, okay, yeah, let's pretend that scenario happens, right? Someone comes in there like, we're gonna take all your problems away and you can be free and clear your investors and just start from scratch and feel great about everything. And I'm Do you know what I would do? I'd literally start Closey all over again. I would start the same exact type of company. I probably would take investors again because if I'm being really honest, even though it can make me feel sick to my stomach just because you feel so responsible to people, it's the thing that keeps me showing up for it every single day, doing things I wouldn't normally ever do. asking really hard questions every single day over and over and over again to people who are maybe celebrities or people who are big investors or to, you know, people who like are kind of the gateway to a store or whatever, whatever that looks like. And I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be doing it, you guys, because it's my soul knew some people are like, why, why did you take investors? Why didn't you just build it slow or whatever? And I'm like, I actually don't know. I do know. My soul literally knew that I would have quit on myself, but my soul's journey is that I can't disappoint other people. And as bad as that is, and as much as I want to try to work through that, it's also been the thing that's made me follow through on my highest calling. And I think that's a lot of us in here. I think that's why we're in this room, is we know if we go and tell another woman what our dream is, we feel worried telling her we quit than just letting it be okay that we quit. And so I think that's why it's so important to find that accountability, to get that accountability, to tell all your friends if it means investors and you know that's gonna keep you showing up, great, because there's definitely so many journeys that are gonna keep you doing it. And I think that sometimes with manifesting, we forget that part of your manifesting formula is massive accountability. And so you want a manifesting formula, it's like you need to get out there and create your network that won't let you fail. I won't let you quit on yourself.

It's making me think of this inspirational quote I once read, the Gospel of Instagram. It said, Opportunity is often missed because it's dressed in overalls and it looks like work. And it's so true. It's so easy, and we do it too, to look at people who have a result that you want and just think that someone showed up on their doorstep and handed it to them. And it's never, You are someone, and there's so many women in this room that I've had a front row seat to see all of the seeds that they've planted along the way. Like Jocelyn is here and Mary and Jill and every single woman I'm looking at, it's like the women who have actually been there every step of the journey with me, like we've gotten to see, we've gotten to see each other's like raw moments that most of the world doesn't get to see. But every single person that we look up to, every single person we want to emulate their journey, they have them. They have the same hard moments that you do. And if nothing else, it's a reminder that oftentimes the exact unlock for the result that you want is disguised as the thing that's going to trigger you the most.