Introverts...This Is Going To Rock Your World

What if you let it be okay that you guys show up and you just sit at a table and enjoy yourself as if you're just out at a party or a restaurant and don't feel like you have to be the most social butterflies there unless you choose to? What if you don't even have to be the friendliest person? What if it's okay if you leave and you were misunderstood? What if it was okay that someone didn't think that you were friendly? What if that was all okay and it didn't actually matter because it's actually all made up? Hey, everyone, welcome back to the show. It's time for another quickie, because there's always time to fit in. Inspiration. Oh, my God, I'm so excited about this one today because it is, like, the world's biggest epiphany for me. And while I've really been experiencing some of this and while I've really been kind of like, on the verge of having a lot of epiphanies around this topic, I want to share it with you, and I think it's really going to annoy some of you, piss some of you off, and bring some major aha moments. And when I say some of you, I'm talking to all of my fellow introverts, all of my friends and people and listeners who identify as introverts. And I can tell you that if I were to put a label on myself, if we had to do labels, which, you know, sometimes labels really can just suck because you think that's who you are. And I want to go deeper on this label of introvert. And maybe some of you are like, I'm not in there because I'm an introverted extrovert. Nope. This is for you, too, because I am a complete extrovert in certain situations and other situations, I'm a total introvert. Like, I just want to be home. I don't want to go to that party. I don't want to do that thing. But then I'm going to challenge you guys. And really, if you were being honest with me, if we were having a coffee chat face to face, and I was like, okay, but do you really love being an introvert? Do you love that nobody really texts you or sends you anything on your birthday? Do you love. Because you don't do anything with any friends. Do you love that you feel like when shit hits the fan, you don't have a whole lot of people that you can rely on? Do you love that people aren't asking you to go on awesome Vacations. Like, that's what happens when you're an introvert, if we're being honest, because you don't go get new relationships and you don't do what it takes to keep up other ones. And some of you are like, well, I don't really care to keep up other relationships because up till this point in my life, they haven't been great. So I want to start from there. I want to say, and this is for me, you guys. So if you're getting all uncomfortable right now, it's all good, because I am too. So I have a theory on introverts. Yes, we may need time away from people to recharge, but I want to challenge you. I want to challenge you and say that I don't think you need as much time as you think you do alone and away from people. I think when we spend too much time alone, it's not good for our mental health. I think it's not good for the stories we tell ourselves. I think it's not good for our actual physical health. I think we start falling into bad habits, like over drinking, overeating, all of these different things over, you name it. So I want to challenge you and say, I don't know if you're an introvert. And I'm saying this to me too. I want to know if you just have poor judgment on the people and places that you're choosing, poor boundaries with people or poor energy management around the people and places that you're going. Oh, my God. Right? That just hit you. And here's why this hit me, is because I think an introvert is just an extreme people pleaser in the wild with poor judgment, poor boundaries, and poor energy management. What the hell? Seriously? When I said this to myself, I was like, oh, my God, I don't even like that I'm saying this. And I think it's the truth. So let's talk about that for a minute. So poor judgment of people and places. So you're an introvert. You like to stay in because you've had past experiences of going places where you're like, okay, that sucked. The conversation sucked.

I'm tired.

I felt like I had to talk to all of these people. I had to socialize. Who's telling you that you can't go to these things and do exactly what you want to do when you're there? I understand that, yes, you might look like a little bit of an asshole if you stay in the corner or by the bar all day and you feel bad because you are not mingling. All right. I have to tell you that a lot of my friends who are extroverts, when I watch them at parties or when I watch them at dinners, they don't really necessarily seem to care about if they go make their rounds or not. They do exactly what they want to do within that room. And the reason why I feel very exhausted after going to certain parties, especially if I don't know people, is because if I'm being totally honest, I'm worried about what other people are thinking. And. And even though I know nobody is thinking of me, it still feels like they are, right? So when you walk into a party, you're like, I wanna make sure people think I'm friendly. I wanna be smiling the whole time. I wanna make sure that I dance all night for this person. If they've got dancing, I wanna make sure that I go meet so and so. I wanna make sure that I'm the most interesting person in that group. So, number one, you're gonna be so exhausted just because you're thinking that you have to show up to these things and run a freaking social, social marathon. No wonder we're exhausted, you guys. That would be like thinking every time that you go to the gym, you have to do the hardest hit workout of your life for a long ass period of time. Tell me how often you would think you were a gym person. And this is the difference between an extreme person in the gym, right? Extreme person with habits, and an extreme person who thinks they're an introvert. Like, introverts just think that we have to be extreme when we're in social settings. And they. That is not the case. What if we let it be okay, that when we showed up to the gym, this is actually when the gym started to work for me and when it started to click and when it became such a habit that I will never. I can tell you I will never break that habit because I understand it. It's about showing up. Going to the gym is about showing up. Just like having friends or like not being lonely, it's just about showing up. It's what we do when we show up and how we view the way we showed up. If we can make peace with how we showed up, if this is going to be a sustainable lifestyle for you. Now, this episode is extremely important to me because something that has changed for me is my happiness, my anxiety, my depression and my mental health. And the only thing that has changed is that I have gotten more social. And as I've gotten more social, I have had to learn how to manage my energy, how to manage my boundaries, how to not people, please, in these different places that I'm in. So when you're going to an event and you think about it, what do you think you have to do and be when you're there? Do you think you have to be and do everything and be that person that is the most interesting and make all of those rounds? Or could you just go and let it be okay if you want to leave early? Could you just go and let it be okay if you have a cocktail and hang out with maybe you bring a bestie as your date or maybe your husband or partner or whatever is your date, right? And what if you let it be okay that you guys show up and you just sit at a table and enjoy yourself as if you're just out at a party or a restaurant and don't feel like you have to be the most social butterflies there unless you choose to? What if you can do whatever you want while you're there? What if you don't even have to be the friendliest person? What if it's okay if you leave and you were misunderstood? What if it was okay that someone didn't think that you were friendly? What if that was all okay and it didn't actually matter because it's actually all made up? This is mind blowing to me because I've been starting to play with this where if I don't want to go and talk to a ton of people and I'm just having the best time ever with this certain group of people, or dancing by myself or being a weirdo on the karaoke machine all night long, because that is what makes me thoroughly enjoy the situation, the party or the social setting, then that is what I am going to do. Because I'm either going to not be there because I'm trying to protect my energy and oh my God, I'm so exhausted and this is what people expect me to be. That was a story for me, you guys. I always did that. This was, oh my gosh, you know, people are meeting me for the first time or this is what people expect of me or I have to be this way. No, it's okay if I am misunderstood. It's okay if I don't hug every single person. It's okay if I'm not keeping the conversation going and I walk away or go to the bathroom and let that be okay, that I'm moving on from a stuck energy that actually doesn't work for me. I don't mind if someone Thinks I was rude because the energy has left the building within that conversation. And I excuse myself to, to go get another drink or to go say, hey, I'm gonna go say hi to my friend over here. So great talking to you. It's because we don't have these boundaries. It's because we have poor judgment on the people and the parties that we're going to. Let's get into that one. What are you saying yes to? Are you going to the wrong parties where hell yeah, it's gonna suck. And you think you have to go. When you go to all of those things that don't actually work for you and it's not your people. Right. It doesn't match your energy, then you're never gonna make time and space to be able to find the ones that do and the people that do. So maybe your experience has been that, oh my God, you just don't enjoy these people. Like, let's say, you know, when, when I was first married, my husband's work friends and all of their wives, which some were amazing and some were definitely not my energy, but we would get invited all of the time. And eventually I started saying, you know what, it's just, I can't find a common ground. I always struggle in conversations. So I'm going to start saying no to this. This does not mean anything. This does not mean that, you know, I think that they're bad people. This just means they're not for me. So first of all, poor judgment. Look at your life and say, where am I saying yes when I actually mean no.

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Poor boundaries. Am I going to family things and not saying no to certain things? Am I thinking that I have to be the entertainment at every single family thing? Am I not doing the things I want to do? So you know, for my family some of the things I did not want to be doing were just sitting around and having drinks and staring at each other. Like, I wanted to create traditions that kept us busy. And so this meant that I had to have conversations, and not necessarily boundaries around the people, but maybe boundaries about. Around what we were going to do all day long. Like, no, I actually want to have a conversation around creating new traditions so that we look forward to these things. So what would it look like if everybody did something that they wanted? And you know what some of the guys do? Go over and sit on the couch in the middle of it and say, we're tapping out, we're done. That's called a boundary. That is literally how they make sure that the holiday is fun for them, too. So what is a boundary that you could have that at first is not going to feel good? That people might even say something but you could actually use. I love this one. Use your words, right? Use your adult words and say, you know, I struggle with getting together sometimes because I feel so exhausted when I'm done because I show up here and I'm not fully me. If I were to show up here and just really enjoy myself, it would look like this. I'd probably be quiet and sit on the couch and enjoy the visiting and watch the kids and enjoy the company, or I'd cook in the kitchen and I'd be quiet and I'd pick up and do all those things, because that's what I enjoy. Everybody has a role, but we think we have to be something else. And this is where all of my introverts think that they are introverts, when actually we could be around all of that energy and enjoy people more, which really, really brings that sense of community, which is what I'm talking about here. Introverts lack the feeling of a deep sense of belonging in community because we miss out on a lot of social settings, even with our family. Now, if you're not identifying with this feel like I'm an introvert, but I've got my core people, then that's actually what I'm saying. We're just trying to get you to a couple groups of core people and core family. So if you feel totally introverted, though, even from your family or from those core friends, because you're not showing up.

In the way that you could be.

Showing up to actually enjoy them. This is what we're talking about. All right. The third one was the poor energy management. This was totally me. When I'm at different things, I feel like I need to talk to everyone. I feel like everyone, you know, at a family event needs to make sure that I gave them attention or that I said hello or equal attention. And I have done decided that if people want to join life, if people want to join the conversation, that yes, I'll give them an opportunity to come and join whatever we're doing, even if it's in the corner or a game or, or maybe I'm out in the kitchen or whatever that looks like. But I'm not going to bend over backwards to make sure somebody is having a good time. This is where I leak my energy onto that person. It's where I give them all of my power. I have decided that even if it bugs me for a little while, I'm going to practice maintaining my energy and going where my energy wants to go, to the things I want to do to the people that I want to do them with. And this is how I've truly learned that I am not a true introvert. Yes, I recharge away from people and yes, I do enjoy that, but I actually don't enjoy it half as much as I thought. I love being around the right people in the right places when I have the right boundaries. I know this because I spent all summer essentially living with my brother in law and sister in law. We had tons of friends come to our lake house every single weekend. And it was the right people, the right places who all had the right boundaries, who we were all able to have these conversations around energy. People went to bed when they wanted, they didn't go to things when they didn't want, want. Everybody spoke up and I was like, oh my gosh, this is absolutely incredible. I've never experienced so much community all summer. So much to the point that I am not the person that is sad to leave things like that. I'm like, get me the f home. Like, I can't wait to go be a hermit. I am in a place where, because I'm really practicing these things, I just might be very extroverted. I. I don't really want to go a week anymore without seeing people. I really know that I vibrate at my highest. Really great things happen in life. Your business moves faster, your friendships deepen, you just squeeze the juice out of life. When you learn how to work on your judgment of the people in places you're saying yes to. When you learn how to stand up for your boundaries and know what you need in order to be able to show up in those people places and those settings, or maybe it's the wrong settings, right? But have those boundaries and start practicing them. This is all practice for me and Number three, how to manage your energy and be responsible for your energy. When you walk into those rooms, don't leak it. Don't give it to somebody else. Don't give your power away. Let it be okay. Let it be okay to choose whatever you want to do. Now I get it. Some of you are gonna do this for the first time and it's gonna feel like total shit. You're gonna be like, oh, hell no. That was awful. Well, maybe it's the wrong spot or maybe not. Maybe you just need more practice. Because I know the first times I did it, it did not feel good. I worried about what I said and what I did and what people thought all night long. And then I'm like, well, you got two things. You're either gonna stop showing up to these things, or you can keep showing up and you can actually go and enjoy yourself. But what does it look like to enjoy yourself? What does it look like? And some of these things. Could you ask to invite a friend or bring a plus one? Like bring somebody that you could be comfortable with sitting in the corner and letting it be okay that you're thoroughly just enjoying your time being around people and visiting. I'm telling you, it's going to change your life. You guys, I want to know, like, did any of this hit you? Like it hit me. Did any of this hit you? Like it hit me? I mean, I am not that person that wants to be. I was not that person, person that wanted to be around people all the time. And now I'm the one making the plans in our relationship. I'm the one booking these trips with the right people to the right places, really making sure that I'm not getting too big of a number. Because I like small numbers when I'm really dropping in or when I'm on vacation, you know, I like four to six to maybe max 10 people. But my energy really starts to leak around that six person mark. Like if I'm doing vacations or dinners or things like that. So I like more intimate groups of friends. This was a huge aha for me as well. When I get invited to things that typically go over like six to 10 people, I'm like, I don't know if I really feel like doing that. If it's not like a party, if it's just like something where people keep getting together in large groups, I feel like my energy can get a bit lost in it and I don't thoroughly get to drop in with people and create those relationships that I'm after or those moments that I'm after. So these are all the things that I have learned that you're going to learn from these different settings. But I want to know. Let me know on stories. Shoot me a dm. What did you take away from this? I truly want to know if you feel like you resonated or you're like, absolutely not. I'm an introvert through and through. None of that sounded good. I'm not lonely. I like being alone. I could stay alone forever, and I wouldn't feel depressed, anxious, or have mental health issues. And I'd be able to reach all my goals by myself. If that's you, great. I don't know who you are. You're a superhuman. I have no clue. But if you resonated, I want to know what it is that you're going to challenge yourself with. I want to know what it is that you're going to challenge yourself with. Let me know which one really hit you. All right, you guys, I'm sending you so much love. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Sam.