Krista Williams on Redefining Love, Adult Friendships, and “Starting Over” After Divorce

I'm in a place in my life right now where I'm not going to chase a friend or a girlfriend. And if I don't like who I am around you, I'm like, I actually can't do it anymore because I have to like me. Like, I have to like who I am.

And that's an act of self love. You know, thinking about in our lives, just small moments of self love. Self love is saying no.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. Don't forget that I have a coupon code for you for glossy summer is coming and if you want to hydrate and feel freaking amazing, you should check it out. It is 25% off@getglocy.com that's G E T G L O C I dot com. You need to kick those old hydration sticks out of bed because this is so much more than just expensive salt and sugar, you guys. This is game changing for your skin, your gut, and your hydration. And if you only do one good thing for yourself a day, let it be this. So today on the show, I have the incredible Krista Williams. You guys, I got to meet her so many years ago, I think it was like eight years ago at a soul cycle class. And her partner in this book and Also on the Almost 30 podcast was Chris and I's soul cycle instructor for a few years, like two to three times a week. And she was absolutely amazing. Her name is Lindsay Simcik. And I remember when Krista came to one of her classes and I had heard that they were like friends and they were starting a podcast together. And when I met her, it was like I instantly loved her. Her energy so good. She's such a girl's girl. I was like, this girl is freaking amazing. And so looking back on everything that they've done is so freaking impressive, you guys. So Krista Williams is the co host of the top health and wellness podcast Almost 30, which has over 120 million downloads. You guys, that's nuts. She's a public speaker, retreat facilitator, and creator of Metamorphosis, a body transformation program and the Life Edit, a total life transformation. And get ready for this conversation because we talked about everything from her decision to freeze her eggs to navigating friendships, rediscovering her voice after divorce. We also talk a lot about the pressure of feeling like you need to arrive by a certain age and having these massive expectations on our timeline in order to feel successful. And we talk all about the messy middle of transformation. And I Know you guys always love a good conversation about navigating friendships. And we get into how we both built friendships that have lasted and really talking about her version of a friendship audit. So if you've been questioning what's next, if you feel behind this conversation is for you and Tag, Krista and I on Instagram, because we always love hearing if these conversations hit home. And you guys, I'm so grateful for you. So let's get into the show. Krista, welcome to the earn your happy podcast. Thank you so much for coming back on.

Yes, right.

Was it years ago?

It was, I think 20. 20. 2020 or 2021? 2019. 2019.

It had to be because I feel like it was at my house.

It was that. It was at your house. Yeah. And then you came on ours. Yeah. At that time. And then I think for Tribe Called Bliss.

Oh my gosh, we're so much more mature and wow, just grown women.

I feel like I just care so much less. I feel like the way that I cared during that time was on a. Just a 10 and now I'm just like, whatever, man.

Isn't that the best?

The best. Getting older is the best.

It's the mo. It's literally the most freeing. That's why. And it's really cool because now that I'm in my 40s, I've actually lost track of even, like, I. I can't tell how old people are anymore, which is also weird because I'll like meet a 30 year old and be like, do you want to hang out? And they're like, you're old. And I'm like, what? Wait, what is going on?

My friends laugh because everywhere we go, we'll be out. And I'm like, how old do you think we are? Like, I'll talk to people. Like, so if you, if you just met us, like, how old, how old do you think we are? Like 20, 30, 40? Like, that's my, like, favorite question also too, because I don't know if you're experiencing this, but I'll see people in the range of what people look like and how old they are. Like, some people will be 30 and they look 45.

Totally.

Some people will be 45 and they look 25. So there's just this weird thing happening where time is being bent or something. But no one looks like their age.

We also live in California and completely.

Yeah.

Cause when I go back to the Midwest, I'm like, oh, yeah, got it.

No, same. I know. I like, I see my. I see my people when I'M back home in Ohio. I'm like, yeah, that's what that age looks like. I remember I was in Mexico recently, or I know I was somewhere recently on a trip and I was like, wow, this is what no plastic surgery world is like.

I was like, whoa, you just get desensitized 100.

You.

Yeah, you just think everybody has really full lips and long blondes here. And I'm like, wow, okay, gotcha. It's not like that everywhere. Okay. You have been writing a book.

Writing a book.

You have been on the book journey. And the book journey is no joke. Like, when people tell me they want to write a book, I'm like, do you, do you really want to write a book? Because, like, you're number one. You're not even going to make it to the end if you don't want to write a book because you have to really want it for so many reasons.

Yeah, I think it's a lot like, maybe I don't know this, maybe I will know this, but like motherhood, where you're like, yeah, I want to have kids. And then you have kids and you're like, I didn't even understand what was going on. And writing a book is a whole process. And I remember people like you would tell us, you know, it's a thing, are you guys ready? And, you know, we felt ready. I feel happy about it. But I think what's applicable to the audience is just whenever you have a big project or something that you've really dreamed of, that you're going for in life, how many things can come up in that process. And I think for us, I'm so proud of the book. It's better than I could have ever imagined. I'm so hard on myself and I just absolutely adore it. And whenever you're doing something where you're putting yourself out there, where you're being visible, you're being seen, you're using your voice, so much will come up for you, especially if you're a woman. So much fear, so much mindset stuff, so many of the voices and narratives. So I've been really struggling to be honest mentally with kind of the conversations in my head and that inner critic and that perfectionist part of me that's really been very loud during this time when I know I'm expanding and growing. And so the louder for me the fear is or the bigger the fear is, the bigger the up level opportunity. I know that this is such an up level opportunity. I know this is such a space for me to really step into. But when we're at that point, the voices are gonna be the loudest.

Okay, so what are some of the things? Cause I know for me, like, there would be some days I would write. I had stints of where I would write. So I was like, oh, this coffee shop is working for me. Thank God. Because, you know, sometimes I'd write at home. It wouldn't work at all. Like, you just, like, hit walls. You can't think of things. So I remember these different points where I was going every day to this coffee shop, and I heard this habit, like, just make your chair hit the back, you know, at, like, it's a habit, like, at 1pm and then don't get up until like, 4 or 5pm And I'm like, great. And it sort of worked for me. It sort of didn't. But with that said, I remember some days coming home and being like, oh, my God, I'm a genius. I'm the best writer ever. Which was so rare, by the way. But then other days, coming home and being like, I have nothing good to say. I'm a total loser. Like, I'm a fraud and I suck. Like, I have no good stories. Like, it just feels like you have no good stories.

I think that was something I'm really learning about in this process, I think, because I work with speakers, too.

Yeah.

And it's like, we have so much gold inside of us, but we haven't taken the time to sit and mine and excavate. So for me, I was like, I just. I don't think I have any interesting stories. I don't think there's anything interesting about my perspective. So so much of my process was like, what are the defining moments of my life? What are the stories that seem mundane but are relatable? Oftentimes, speakers share stories that are very mundane, but they're very relatable. You know, it's like the simplest things. Brene Brown is an example. Like, many of her stories are very simple about family, very simple about the home, but they're just very relatable, and they hit on the point. And so I had to give myself so much permission in the process of, like, allowing myself to be okay with simple stories and being okay with simple things that really drive the point home, but are my truth. But in the process of writing, you know, it's funny, and I don't know how. I'm curious of how your promotion process was. The writing process for me was a joy. I had the best time sitting at home in my pajamas. Being a little slob, you know, just not being bothered. No one's bothering me. I'm a little book slob. I'm just snacking. I'm hanging out. And I didn't force myself to write every day. I was the procrastinator. Our editor was like, yo. Like, I would be like, all right, you have like, 5,000 words. I'm like, cool, Give me a day. And I'd have to wait, and I would just let it all come out and then move through it. So I never forced myself to do it. That's just not how I work. But what's been challenging for me, where the mindset stuff has come up, is on the marketing, promotion. And I think you're so good at that. Like, you're so good at networking relationships. Like, that's such a beautiful skill of yours. For me, I can go internally. I think I'm a genius again. I'm like, oh, yeah. But then when I have to go and ask for help or receive or, you know, put myself out there, that's where I get really stuck. And that's where I found the biggest challenge.

So, like, what's going on in your head when you do that?

Here's the.

You did. You got to be the book slob. You crushed it. Now you're like, in the marketing portion. What is actually happening in your brain?

So in my brain, and I don't know if people can relate, I have this pre disappointment syndrome where I'm disappointed before it already happens.

Interesting.

I have this part of me that is just already. It already isn't working. It's already not going. You know, we knew it wasn't going to work. Kind of pre disappointment. So that's one of them. And then it's also receiving. So many women have struggle with receiving, struggle with first asking for help and then second receiving that help. And I think in the process of a book, it's fully about cashing in on the chips, on the relationships that you have, on the people that you've developed connections with. And you really, really, truly have to ask people for help. You have to be clear. You have to be upfront. And so being able to take time to do that has been really hard for me because normally I'm someone that tries to give as much as I can or support other people or I just am not usually in the phase of receiving, so receiving has been challenging. And then I think, third, I have such big expectations for myself in my life, and I think the people that I compare myself to are people that have been doing this for twice as long, you know, have twice as many sources. I know you're. We. We probably compared to the same people, to be honest. But it's like, you know, you're just comparing yourself to. Yeah, literally, I'm like. Everyone knows. I'm like. It's just people that are way ahead of me, and that's okay that they're ahead of me. It's. It's fine. But I just find myself seeing that and just getting really disheartened with it.

Mm. Where do you think the expectation of already being disappointed, like. Or not looking, where do you think that came from? Have you sat with that?

Yeah, of course. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing with me. I'm gonna sit with it all. But, yeah, that part of me, it's a protective part. So I practice something called internal family systems. It's a psychotherapy technique, which I love. So I really work in parts. So whenever I'm talking about a feeling, I often pull it as a part. So there's a part of me that believes that to keep myself safe, I have to say that I'm disappointed already. Instead of having that expectation and being let down.

Got it.

So it perceives that it's easier to say, hey, it's not going to happen. Don't worry about it. We should just move on. It never happens. Instead of having the hope.

Is it because it feels embarrassing in front of people if you don't hit it?

Yeah, of course. Yeah. I would say embarrassing. I would say that there have been many moments in my life where I have hoped and it hasn't happened. And then I also think that it validates the belief that I'm not successful. So I think a lot of people have beliefs that they have that are limiting beliefs that are these, you know, neural pathways that exist in their mind that they had from a young age. One of mine is that I'm not successful. I have this belief that I'm not successful. And so to validate and confirm that belief in my reality, I will be disappointed in advance. So oftentimes with these beliefs, we want to validate it in our reality. The belief is so strong that instead of the conscious mind being like, I want to be successful, we truly want to validate that. So I think I just believe I'm not successful to be. To be honest.

Did you. Was there something growing up that it wasn't good to be successful or that.

It was really good to be successful? It was really good, and it was never successful enough.

Oh, yeah. Interesting. Coming from, like, parents or all around you?

Parents, and all around me. That's how success was money, success was safety. Success was being seen. And also on the other side of it, you know, there is a really soulful, spiritual part of me that came here for a mission. Like, I'm here to do good. I'm here for God. I'm here for goodness in God. So there's also that part of me that desperately really wants to make my life meaningful and live a life of purpose and do big things and share whatever I'm being called to share by God. So that is the truth, and that is the beauty of it. But then on the other side of it, the shadow side of it is that, you know, I desperately want to be successful for that thing. So there's kind of this, like, you know, there's this kind of paradigm thing that can happen with people where they're like, I don't believe I'm successful, but I know I want to do good, and I want to do big things.

Okay, so this. So this makes me think about how you feel about purpose.

Yeah.

Because purpose can be so, like, purpose can feel so connected. How do you to success? How do I see purpose? Oh, my God. Let's go there.

Yeah.

Purpose to me now, I think you create it all the time. I think you have to keep creating it till the day you die or you're gonna die of not having a purpose. I just think that we have to wake up every day and create our purpose. Because I had an interesting trajectory of growing up with nothing and then getting the wild ride of network marketing and exploding with network marketing, going to. Having everything to, like, such an excess at a certain point in our life that we just. At that point, if we would have been crazy smart with our money, we would have never had to work again. So that the reason I'm sharing that is because I got to a place where we could wake up and do whatever we wanted. And we did that for maybe, oh, my gosh, we still didn't do it because we were still helping people. Like, we didn't do whatever we wanted. But even just having a little bit to do every day was not enough to feel fulfilled. And I remember struggling in that period of my life that was, like, mid-30s and going, Whoa, there is, like, there is so much more to life than this. And yet feeling like I couldn't be the vessel yet to, like, say that because I was in my mid-30s. But then having to unpack and unravel all of what that meant because Purpose is like, you truly have to come here and figure out how, like, what your gifts are and how to use them every single day in a way that makes you feel fulfillment no matter what is coming in. Because it's really bizarre that you also, like, then you can get to a place in your life where maybe then you need money again or whatever that looks like. You have to find the driver of why you're gonna fulfill these big purposes that I believe we have. Then you have to figure out the drivers in your life without getting so attached to the. The meaning behind them, which is the whole thing is up and amazing and beautiful. But I think that you're gonna have, you know, depending on who you are, I feel like we're gonna have five, 10, 20, 30 different purposes. I think there's like, a core. I think there's core purposes, but then I think they're going to be in so many different arenas.

Yeah, that is so beautiful. Clip it. Clip that. I was like, clip that.

What about you? Like, where are you sitting right now when you think of purpose?

So I believe we were born for purpose, on purpose. I believe we have purpose. And I believe the quest and conversation around purpose is one of the deepest spiritual questions we could ask, like, what are we doing here? Why am I here? And that is not a light question to think about that. And so I think the pain that people feel around purpose is so warranted and so valid. And for me, just my journey till where I'm here now was so painful around purpose. I was just driven insane by the desire to find my purpose and desire to find out why I was here. And it was something that caused me anxiety and depression. And when I found almost 30, I really felt like I found my purpose. And then you find that, and then you realize that there's more purposes to be found. I think for me right now, what I'm really trying to do with purpose is I'm really trying to surrender as much as possible. I'm really, really, really deeply in a practice of trying to surrender for what God wants for me, because I feel like I've lived many purposes. Teacher, healer, coach, podcast host, CEO, you know, but those are all, like, identities, you know, as part of it. And I think that there's, like, a true essence within us that's like our actual, like, reason. So your true essence could be, like, mystic rebel or like Sacred Heart, or like earth angel, or like, something that's a little bit more spiritual and tender, that's outside of identities and labels. And so I'm really trying to get to the core of like, how can I surrender more, to be more in service to something that's greater than me, that's going to be more fulfilling to the world and more fulfilling to myself.

Do you think people struggle with purpose? Because, and you know, I'm thinking of like myself and my journey as well. Do you think they struggle with purpose? Because, I mean, life is, it's, it's hard out there for a lot of people. Yeah, it's getting more and more expensive everywhere. It's hard to, I hate even saying the words hard, but like attaching our purpose to also money and making a living, of course. So those lines get really, really blurred on like, man, you know, I, I'd love to be living my purpose, but I also need to be paying for these things or, you know, and then sometimes people can get really confused because they attach their purpose to making money and all of a sudden you start to hate so called purpose. So how have you, have you struggled with any of those things as well?

Yeah, I think, you know, that's the thing. It's almost like sometimes purpose and thinking about it's almost like a luxury, you know, if you're someone that's working, so true. You know, if you're someone that's really struggling, you're working. You know, I'm from Ohio, like small town. If that's your life and you are working 60 hours a week, 80 hours a week, you're a truck driver, you're, you know, working at Starbucks, whatever. Like you're not thinking about purpose, you're thinking about survival. And so it is a gift to ponder the purpose. It is a gift to think about why we're here. And for anyone that you know is at the point where they're probably just getting by, purpose might not be the conversation for them because you need to be at a place where you're out of survival mode to think about like why you're spiritually here and sort of a mission beyond survival, you know, survival and, or like the purpose is more like the thriving state of things. It's more like that next step. And I think we're really lucky in the west that we have so much brain space and opportunity and luxury to think about why we're here and what we're doing. But I think for most people, they tie purpose to money. And it is true that if you're in your purpose, you'll make more money. But it doesn't mean that if you're on your purpose, money is going to be what you want. And I found that the more spiritually connected I've been and the more whole I've felt and the more I've loved myself, I think less about purpose and I think more about alignment and I think more about peace and I think more about presence. Because I think when I think about purpose, I think about something outside of myself where I'm like, what is that? How am I going to do this thing? Or how am I going to, you know, fulfill this goal? But it's like right now I think this, the space that I'm in with my journey, I just need to really go inward to focus on how aligned I can be.

So what's feeling good for you right now? And I will.

Let's.

We can also. I'm fully aware you're in book launch right now. Things feel to anyone who's not done it before.

Yeah, you're.

There's no other way to say like you're. You're on the playing field, you're in battle.

Yeah.

You are literally in battle every day. Like, how do I get this out? How do I make sure at the end of the day when my head hits the pillow, I feel like I left it all on the table. Like I did all the things that I possibly could to get this book out. Because you worked on it forever.

Yeah, you work on it.

It's. It's like, you know, up till right now, it's like your life's work. A lot of it is in your stories. So it's important to push that out to the world and market it and do the things. But what are you feeling if you could pull yourself out of where you're at?

Yeah.

What are you feeling is like what's the purpose for you right now? Like, where are you feeling most called and what's bringing you the most fulfillment?

I think I work with women, so my work is with women. You know, almost 30 is a community of women. And then also with my retreats and my coaching and the programs that I do, it's with women. And I think what's really just keeping me up at night and something that I see with so many women is just this general lack of self love and a deep desire to do more in life, to be more of who they are, to acquire all the spiritual knowledge, all the wellness knowledge, all of the things, but yet at the expense of loving themselves less. And I feel like I just so desperately want people to find peace and wholeness within themselves and. And if that's going to be through parts work, if that's going to be through therapy. If that's going to be through healing retreats, that's going to be whatever. I think our whole life begins on the other side of accepting ourselves and, like, being okay with who we are and being at peace with who we are and having that peace within our bodies and then our mental health. So I think I'm really just noticing that as a trend among women that are doing so much, that are burning themselves out, that are responsible for that, are oftentimes breadwinners. A lot of the women I work with are breadwinners. You know, statistically speaking, Scott Galloway has really good work on this, but he talks about how women are now more college educated, they now are out earning men, they're more emotionally intelligent than men, and they're sort of outpacing men in a lot of different ways. So not only are they loving themselves less, but they're doing more. And it just is really this sort of thing that I'm really curious about and working with them on and in desperate desire for these women that are doing so much for themselves in the community to like, actually take a second to like, love themselves a little bit more.

That's such a. And I. I announced the eternal question, like, well, how do you, like, how do you love yourself? And I love what you're doing with retreats because for me, a lot of my journey of figuring that out, which. I'll be on it till I die, by the way. I know me.

I know.

Trust me. I have days where I'm like, no, I'm good. Oh, my God. Then the next day I'm like, who is this troll from the cave who does nothing?

Yes. Yeah.

It's crazy. It's much. I mean, it's much better now. But I'll tell you, one of the biggest things that helped me.

Yeah.

Was my girlfriends, my community. I feel like my friendships have been one of the biggest things that have helped me love who I am. It's almost like the more close friends that I have, the more I just stop, like, it's like I stop caring about the things I normally care about. They even make me feel more beautiful in a way that is not like, specifically. Oh, I feel more beautiful because of them, but because I'm around more women who I like who I am around.

Yes.

Like, I'm in a place in my life right now where I'm not gonna chase a friend or a girlfriend. And if I don't like who I am around you, I'm like, I actually can't do it anymore because I have to like me. Like, I have to like who I am.

Yes. And that's. And that's an act of self love, you know, thinking about in our lives, just small moments of self love. So self love is saying no. Self love is not pursuing a friend. That's not pursuing you. Self love is choosing to be in reciprocal relationships and friendships. And self love is choosing to surround yourself with women that inspire you, that excite you, that love you, that see you, that, like, cheer you on. And I think so many women right now are in relationships with other women that maybe aren't fulfilling or maybe aren't inspiring or maybe aren't necessarily at the place that they want to be. But when you get to that point where you're in really amazing reciprocal relationships, I mean, that has healed me more than any relationship with a man. I was married too. And my relationship with Lindsay, as an example, like, having someone that I've gone through really hard things with, building a business, dealing with money, being public figures, and being able to have conflict repair, you know, that's like, I think for me, and I think for a lot of people, what builds relationships that are strong is not just gassing you up, not just like, you know, liking your Instagrams and sharing your stories. It's like actually being able to go through it with someone and be yourself as a sovereign being and being like, hey, I love you so much. This really bothered me when you said that, like, are you available to talk about it? Like, that builds intimacy because you're like, oh, I can actually express. Express all of me. And not just like the perfect sides of me. Because I felt like, you know, as a last thing I was in relationships where I was performing, I'm the best friend. I can do this for you. You know, always be available, always hype you up, always like, you know, self erase for you. And like, when I actually started to show up and express my truth, you kind of lose friends. And that's really normal. It's still painful, but I think real deep, intimate relationships happen with them seeing you truly as the amazing person you are and also going through conflict repair.

Oh, my God. I think it's. I think. What did you call it? Conflict repair.

Like conflict repair cycles.

Repair cycles. Oh, my God. That when I can think of the girlfriends I'm closest to, it's been because we've, like, hit a wall.

Yep.

Something happened where you can choose to swipe right on the relationship. Is that right? The swipe right make you not in a relationship or does it make or.

I wasn't on that one.

I'm like, I don't know which way you swipe.

Honestly. No.

When you double click the relationship when you don't like it. You guys have been married way too long. I haven't been on the apps because, you know, when you look at even. Even in my marriage, like, it's like, the harder the things that we've gone through, the closer we're getting.

Yes.

And one of my girlfriends in particular, like, we've been through some stuff and we're the closest because we've been through some stuff. And I think it's making me sad for, like, the generations below us, because nobody. It's like, they think that when you hit a conflict that they should know better or they shouldn't have been this way, or why were they like this? And that is going to keep us so lonely and depressed and hating ourselves. Because I really do believe we find how to love ourselves through relationships.

I love the comment of lonely. I think that's so real. And I noticed that in the generation too, where they're like, you're toxic, you're a narcissist. I'm cutting you out. Gotta protect my peace, all these things. And of course, I'm talking about nuance. We're talking about nuance here. But it's like, to not be lonely is to be seen and to be imperfect. I am so grateful when my friends show me who they really are. When they're pissed, when they're upset, when they're angry, when they're frustrated. Like, I had a friend the other day, she's like, hey, I don't think I can go on our walk. And I'm like, oh, why? And she's like, I just don't feel like myself. I don't feel good. I don't feel all these things. I'm like, great, I get to love you as a person. Like, I don't want you to feel like you have to be happy and perfect all the time. And when we can really, truly love others in that way, we can love ourselves in that way. And I think going through things like you did with your husband you were talking about, like, those develop the deepest bonds. And I want people to have deep bonds. And it doesn't mean you're fighting with your friends all the time or you have issues, but it means you're expressing yourself truthfully. They're holding and seeing you and witnessing you expressing themselves truthfully. And you guys are coming to a place of mutual respect and understanding. And an ability to really honor the person that you are and the person that they are and then move forward.

For somebody listening, how do they know when to move forward with something in a friendship? Because I had one fairly recently with one of my closest friends and I was so hurt that, like, my old wounds were so. Were blinding me so much that I was like, oh, this is where it ends. And I was like, well, that was a fun, you know, six year run. And like, I was so incredibly hurt that it truly brought up everything in that moment of like, this one really feels like I can't get over it.

So did you express that to her? Were you in?

I ended up expressing it and it brought us way closer together and it was very, like, understood. And she was like, I need to know all of it. You need to tell me, like every last. Which I think that's. So here's the thing is that if she wouldn't have done that, like invited me into that, I don't know what I would have done. I think I would have run the other way.

Yes.

So how can we not lose our friendship?

I think that's such a great point to even bring up for the audience of the Tell me more. Oh my God, tell me more. But that's someone that is emotionally regulated, emotionally mature. So what's happening in that situation is she's here and the problem is outside of her. Okay, wow, we're both looking at this. What is that? What were you feeling like? I'm not taking personally what came up for you. Yeah, I can work and change what, what I did. We can work on things. But I'm just like, wow. Because I'm seeing you as, you know, I have with parts work. I always see everything in parts. So what happened in your situation and scenario that's happened to me many times is you have a protective part that's like red alert. She, I. We've done this before. We've had girls talk about us. We've had girls betray us. We've had this happen. We cannot have this happen again. We need to eject. We need to leave the situation and scenario. I think my first step in your scenario would be to go to a therapist or friend and just let it rip. I do this with my friends all the time. I'm like, hey, I need 10 minutes to rip. And that is allowing me to be imperfect, unprocessed, just to say all the things like this. She did this to me. I hated that she did this. Allowing yourself to fully feel and move that emotion and energy is instrumental because then you can actually find the truth. I'm not going to fake it. I'm not going to front it. So then once I've processed that, I can go to the truth of like, okay, what am I noticing here? I'm noticing this is coming up for me. Betrayal. I'm noticing competitions coming up for me. I'm noticing, you know, dishonesty is coming up for me. What about me is bringing that up? So I would say, okay, I remember when that one friend in fourth grade, she told everyone this. I remember these things happen. I'm processing all of that myself before I'm going to the friend to tell my friend what happened. So then when I'm going to my friend, I'm like, hey, all of this came up for me. I was noticing this, this, and this because of this situation. I want to, like, bring you in to my process. I want to bring you into what came up for me because that's going to allow more intimacy to be created where you're like, again, the problem's here. You know, that's the famous thing. Jay Shetty also talks about it where it's like, us versus the problem. I'm noticing this thing happened. It was so weird. I just felt so much fear because I felt like you were being competitive with me, you know, when you said that. And I know for me, back when I was in third grade, all the girls were competitive with me. And I just have this story about that, and it's. I'm really struggling. Can you help me? Some things I love to say are, can you help me see the truth? I love. Can you help me see the truth? Because. Right. In that case, you know, I'm just using as an example because you shared it. And your example, because of the protector parts, you're not seeing the truth. No. And the truth is that she didn't understand. You don't. There's a miscommunication here. So when you ask someone, help me see the truth. I'm seeing my perspective. What's yours? I also love the story that I'm telling myself. The story that I'm telling myself is great. Because then you're like, the story I'm telling myself is that you are competitive with me and you don't care about me and that you don't care about our friendship and someone that your friend is gonna be like, whoa, like, that's. Thank you for sharing that. Like, now I can understand you more. And then as a third thing, what I love to do in these scenarios, to not Lose friends. I love to add security statements. Security statements are huge. I do them with my team, I do them with my partners, I do them with my friends. So whenever I have something to talk about with someone, it's really important that you kind of create that security at the beginning. So if I was to come to you and be like, hey, Lori, when you said this, it really upset me, and it just really bothered me. And I really think that you're being competitive with me. The way that you're going to show up is so different than like, lori, I love you. You've been an amazing inspiration in my life. You've done so much for me. You've done so much for other women. Our relationship means so much to me. And what came up for me recently when you said this was this, you're gonna respond 80 billion times better.

Yeah. The first one you shut down. The second one, you're open, and you're.

Giving both of you the opportunity to show up as your best self. If I'm bringing security statements, I'm validating what's true. Your relationship means a lot to me. This means a lot to me. So in that firm understanding of what's true, this person isn't gonna react defensively, they're gonna react openly. And it's gonna create such a greater space for opportunity for you to have these deep, meaningful friendships. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. The statement of even just, what story?

Oh, yeah, the story are we telling?

That one was so powerful, we ended up there. And it was so helpful because we were both able to see how we actually both, like, essentially called that in together. So we could even heal something even deeper in both of us. Because what was happening on her end is her wanting to please me by doing something was keeping her in the cycle of people pleasing, and her actually having to show up in the way that she did that disappointed me so much, was like, the world's most perfect lesson for me. And then it was perfect for her on having to disappoint someone.

Yes.

Oh, I mean, it was magical.

It's so. And that's the thing that. That's conscious relationships. You know, conscious relationships is taking full responsibility. Every you statement could be an I statement from, like, you are being this. It could be, I'm feeling that you're. There's something come up that, you know, I'm experiencing you this way. And so when we can kind of pull the thing outside of ourselves, we can use I statements we can regulate before we can see it as an opportunity for deepening that's when life gets so good, and that's when you feel truly supported and truly seen. Because I think most of my life with my female friendships, like, I didn't. I now know how surface we were. And I felt like by telling us secrets, by telling you every detail of my sex life and my dating life and all the stories of my parents and, you know, all this stuff that we were close, but it's like, no. Like, when there's a risk is when you get close because you telling your friend that that's a risk, you could lose the friendship. Something could happen. So when you have a risk and you guys meet the risk, and then you choose to continue to move forward, that's when you get the best friendships.

And it's like. It's like nothing I can even tell you. If you haven't experienced. If you haven't experienced it yet, it's so worth it. But the. The experience of getting there is scary. It's risky. And, yeah, you. You do lose some people.

Yeah.

Like, oh, you lose some people.

Yeah. And I'm sure you've lost people. I've lost people. And for me personally, there hasn't been one friendship that I've lost that was not on purpose. Totally every one of them. There's friendships I think about still that I'm like, wow, that was. I loved them like that. That was hard and challenging. But for all the women that are struggling with losing friends because they're changing and evolving, or maybe their priorities are changing, they have more on their plate, or maybe they're just not the same person. Just trust that even if you're in a void period, you will be aligning the more aligned friendships, and you are just in a period to be so sculpted to have the friendships that you deserve.

What would you say to someone who is searching for those friendships? Like, what actually goes into building these? Because one of the biggest things when I put my book out is they would be like, okay, I tried this, and it didn't work. Like, they would try maybe one or two things. Like, okay, I tried to have these conversations, or I tried to invite people, or I tried to do this thing. Like, what has the process of building really good female friendships, because I feel like you have really great women around you. What has that actually looked like?

Mm, it looks like a lot of trial and error. It looks like a lot of friendships that go. I think for me, there was a clearing period. So I think the first step for women listening is like, you might have a clearing period. I had to let Go of the unaligned friends.

So, like, you were kind of alone. Were you kind of alone for a little while? For the most part, yeah.

It was like. It was a shedding. Like, I remember at one period in my life, my three best friends, you know, we had all, like, a falling out at the same time, and I was like, oh, there's three pillar friendships in my life. And now I see why. The patterns that we were in. So just know that, like, being. First of all, being alone is better than being with people that you don't align with. You need to make space to be with relationships that you're aligned. Second, I think is becoming the friend that you want to have. So you need to become the woman that you want to be friends with. That means you're loving, compassionate, kind, powerful, funny, cool, whatever your priorities are. I had to become a person that I wanted to be friends with myself. I love being with myself. I'm like, I'm my own best friend, and the way that I can love and be with myself is the way that I can love and be with others. So loving myself was a second thing. And I think the third thing was having one friendship I could have as, like, my playground. And that might be your best friend, too, that you were talking about, but Lindsay's my practice place. She's my place where I can be my full self, where I can express everything. She's always gonna be available when I call. We can go through hard times. We can have conflict rupture. And then she serves as a template for my friendships moving forward. Not that everyone needs to be Lindsay, but I'm like, do you make me feel safe? I know what safety is now. Do you make me feel seen? I know what being seen is now. Do you know how to handle these conversations? I know what that is now. And then as a fourth thing, I think understanding who your friends are and just accepting them as that. And so let me explain that a little bit, right? I'm like, I have a friend. I have a dear friend. Just gets so anxious. She's anxious. She changes her mind all the time, yet she thinks she's a chill person. She's like, I'm chill, but is anxious and changing her mind all the time. I know this about her, and I accept it, and I love it. And I'm like, that's how she is. I'm not gonna change it. I'm not gonna get annoyed about it. That's how she is. I have other friends that are, like, incredibly. They just are, like, always picking things Apart and always judgmental. That's how they are. And so you truly just not having the idea that something's wrong with your friends, you need to change them. You're better than them. Literally seeing it as, like, a character aspect of them and just accepting it.

I love that because I. I think that we can look. Or what I used to do is. Is look at certain friend circles, and you just make up stories. You make up stories that it must all be perfect. They must all have the best time. They never disappoint each other. They always support each other. They must help grow each other's businesses. They must just braid each other's hair and have the best slumber parties.

Yeah.

All the things. And now I'm like, oh, no. There's, like, a whole lot of that. You disappoint each other. You make plans, maybe they're broken, People's hopes are up. Like, just so many things that you have to decide what you're going. Like, what is that relationship worth?

Yes.

To you? And you. You kind of have to decide it together.

Yes.

You both have to, like, decide what's worth fighting for. And that's been really healing to me and my girlfriend. Friendships is actually saying things like that. Like, hey, this relation. We haven't. We haven't talked in a while. This relationship is so important to me. I want to make it more of a priority. Like, how. How can we do that?

Love that.

Otherwise, you'll. You'll be lonely. Like, you will lose friendships. For me, I wasn't. I'm not a person who felt like I had to check in all the time. Like, I'm Like, I'm fine. Like, why can't you be fine?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why do we have to check in? Which I don't necessarily. In fact, I try to avoid relationships that have to check in all the time.

Yes.

But I'm like, if I want people to check in with me, I have to check in with them. So I try to do, like, weekly voice notes or just different things to remember. I'll put things on my calendar with my girlfriends. Like, oh, they have their launch. Oh, they had this big thing that they're doing. Or that's not my natural tendency at all. Like, it's the extreme opposite. And so if I want that in my life, I have to first do that and be that. And now I feel like I have so much of that because my calendar is like, you know, or I'll set reminders and things like that on my phone. Like, they have this coming up to.

Support people in kind of understanding how to spend their energy because we all have so much time. Something that I do too, is called a friendship audit. And so a friendship audit is super powerful. And, you know, it seems savage to do like an audit of your friends, but really we're kind of doing that every day unconsciously. So it's just bringing whatever's unconscious, conscious understanding where you need to spend your time and who are your priorities of friends. So as an example, I'll do this once a year. I'll look at all my friends in my relationships. Am I spending time with the friends that deserve my time? Oftentimes families have this. Like, some. A man might be working all the time and be like, my. My values and priorities are my family, and he's home one day a week and never. So it's like, I want to make sure that the people that are a priority are getting the best of me and they're getting the most time in my life. And I realized I wasn't doing that, like, as an example with Lindsay and my ex husband. Like, they were the least of my priorities, but I was. If you. If I died, I'd be like, they're I love so much. Yeah. I'm like, I do anything for you. And I'm like, not prioritizing them. So friendship audit is really just looking at your friends, making like a, B, C, if you want. A is the person that's like, you will wake up in the middle of the night when they call anything they want. They have deep access to you. You're always gonna clear things that come up, and you're always gonna be honest with them. They're like your ride or die people. And the be friends would be like friends that you love. You see, once a month, they mean a lot to you. If something comes up, you might just process it on your own. You might not bring it to them. You're gonna be there for them. You're gonna be at their wedding. But it's not like the deep, deep access. And then C would be like people you love but see that you like, don't really need to spend that much time with. So if you notice someone that you don't feel that good around, but maybe as a C friend kind of moving up in your time where you're spending too much time with them, you could be like, hey, this is a friend I actually don't feel that good with. Why am I spending so much time with them? What am I doing? And I think it just helps us understand how to Spend our time so that we're most fulfilled and deepening relationships with people that matter.

I love that. Okay, so I want to shift into, like, body, body image, your perspective of nourishment. Because I know that through following you, so much of your, like, your growth and your content was around healing. Your, like, how you felt about yourself, your body and your body image. Tell me about where that kind of first started, where it was just, like, so heightened awareness of, like, this is the body I'm in and the attachment to that man.

I. You know, it's been interesting in the book process because I think conversations around the body have come up the most.

Really?

Yeah. I think. I don't know a single woman that hasn't struggled with her body. No way. No.

I don't either. If they're. If they're being honest with you.

Yeah. Oh, 100%. I just remember so many times in LA, you know, there's the most beautiful women in the world here. I'm friends with some of the most beautiful women in the world, and just hearing them rip on and tear apart their bodies and say these things, it's been so eye opening to see some billionaire women I know that are, like, struggle with their body. In the book, we have a quote from Jamie.

Jamie Kern Lima.

Jamie Kern Lima. And in it, she talks about, like, even being a billionaire, she still struggles with her body on a daily basis. So it hits all of us. For me, I was someone that was like a fad. Diet Connoisseur. Did Special K, Grapefruit Cookie Diet, Master Cleanse, Atkins, South Beach Slim, Fast Weight Watch. Like, did it all, did it all, did it all. Spent my whole life and so much mental energy doing that. And I realized in my later 20s, you know, one day I was just walking across my kitchen and I just had this thought I was in my normal day of how many steps I've walked, how many macros I've eaten, how many calories I've had, how many calories I needed to burn. The soul cycle. Yeah. And how much I weighed, how much I needed to weigh all those things. I was doing the Tetris game of all of this stuff, and I just had this moment where I was like, I think I might die doing this game. I think I might live the rest of my life doing the math problems all day.

I have chills. Like, the space it takes up is astounding.

Psychotic.

It's psychotic. Yeah.

It's painful. I just was like. I just noticed the prison that I was in, and I noticed that I was not living my life. And I noticed how I am. And everyone is so incredible and immaculate and powerful and meaningful and here for purpose. And it is not to count calories all day. It is not to do the math on how much you've eaten. It is not to subtract how much your workout was from your daily calorie intake to see how many calories you. It was like. I was like, this is absolutely absurd. And in that moment, it was just a normal day. I surrendered. I almost gave up. I was like, oh, this is my life. Maybe in my next lifetime I'll be able to do this. Maybe in my next lifetime, I'll love my body or accept my body and not live with this. And a weird thing happened with that surrender. And Carl Rogers, who's the grandfather of therapy, he talks about this paradox of transformation, that in order to transform something, we have to accept it. So I didn't know I was doing that, but I fully accepted this moment. I fully accepted this thing. And that really led me on this journey of really going through all the layers of my body. And instead of going the route of dieting, more macros, more changing what I was eating, I just went the spiritual route. And I went the route of understanding the relationship my mom had to her body. My mom had a really challenging relationship with her body. My grandparents, my. Both my grandmas had eating disorders. Like, my mom always saw food as a threat. So it was always a thing in my household. It started to look at, you know, the relationship I have as someone that's codependent with my body. I started to look at why I prioritize my body over anything else. I just started to go really deep. And so that was what really led me to a place where now I'm just so deeply in love with my body and who I am and how I feel. And the most annoying thing happened, the thing that happened that I literally was my nightmare when I was in a bigger body was I started to lose weight because I wasn't having the subconscious belief of, I am fat. I'm a problem that needs to be fixed. There's something wrong with me. I need to be smaller than constantly running in my head, in my subconscious. And that belief and that, like, program that women are running is just absolutely ruining their lives and actually keeping them from being in a body that they love.

Do you what. What do you think was. So you accepted?

Yeah.

And at the point of accepting, what started happening to, like, the habits were, you know, totally. Because I'm sure there were Moments where you're. Because I share so much of this with you. Like, my. My 20s were just, like, the struggle.

I know. Yeah. Oh, my God, that voice is loud in the 20s.

Oh, God, it's really loud. Especially if you. I struggled with my weight as a kid. So, like, you just see yourself, your identity, you just never see, even if you lose. Even when I was competing, there would be, like, times where I still felt overweight. Yeah, like, totally. It's in your. It's in your head, you know? And so for you, what would you notice? Like, what started shifting with your head? Habits. So to somebody who's like, okay, but what does that look like to, you know, accept and surrender, like, on a daily basis? Are you just, like, then allowing yourself to kind of, like, how does that playground look of accepting, like, dabble in food? How are you moving? What are you thinking?

Yeah, and just honoring, like, I remember you have to be available for this type of conversation around your body. Like, when I was in my 20s, I was just like, tell me what to eat. Yeah, no, tell me what to diet. Give me the diet. I was, like, unavailable. For anyone that said anything about intuitive eating, anyone that said, listen to your body, anyone that said anything about loving your body, I was unavailable. So I understand that this is another level and layer of. Of the body conversation. So what happened after that point was I started to commit to feeling my feelings. Because what I realized was that I was using food to numb. I was using food to cope. I was using food to avoid, and I was using food to avoid feeling. Many of us have addictions. Porn, gambling, tv, phone, eating, chopping. Mine was eating. I didn't. I used it in my household, in a chaotic household, to regulate, to find peace, to escape to all these things. Most of us in life are numbing life, and you could be numbing life through food. So I was numbing my life through food. So I committed to feeling my feelings. And that really, you know, there's a lot of data and research on that because you're actually then eating less calories, you're eating less often, you're not binging, and you're just allowing 90 seconds of a feeling to move through your body. Most of us are told to not cry or scream or feel or emote when we're younger. So we use food as a way to stop from doing that. So I started to feel my feelings. I committed to that. So that helped me eat less, that helped me eat more regularly, that helped me eat more peacefully and mindfully. And then I got out of a relationship, you know, my. My marriage, where I was really hiding, I was really unhappy, and I was really, again, using food as my outlet. And so changing that relationship liberated me to find pleasure and meaning from life and feel like myself again in a way that I, again, didn't need food anymore. I mean, I would go to Erewhon and on the way home, eat, like, two desserts on the way home and then get, like, more bingy food and just binge, you know, in the evening and try and work it out at Soul Cycle the next day. And just as a last thing, I think the most practical thing people can do with themselves or, you know, with a therapist is my preference is internal family systems. Again, so in parts, work. It was actually developed by Dick Schwartz, who worked with eating disorder patients. So my therapist is an eating disorder therapist. I've been working with her for five years, and we don't talk about that anymore, but it was really helpful. So in parts, what's happening with. With the food and body conversation is that there's a part of you that believes that you have to do everything you can to be thin, to be loved. And being loved is survival. And so we have to be with that part and to help let that part know that you are loved, even if you are not thin, even if you're not the body that you want, like, to pull that part and that voice outside of you to remember that, like, you are a soul. You are a soul that is worthy of love. Outside of how much you weigh, you are so much more expansive than the scale. You are so much more than expansive than this life. And so when we can really be with that part, that dysfunctional part, and love her, honor her and accept her, and then allow her to relax, to create spaciousness from that, we can really kind of see things a little differently. Where the normal conversation that you had that I have was, like, never enough. Need to be thinner. This is what I need. You know, that whole dance, you can kind of create space around it. Okay, like, I see you. I see that conversation. I see that opportunity. I still have it sometimes, for sure. You know, I got home from a trip recently and was like, I should fast today. You know, the voice. The voice is still there. She's like, we should fast. And I was like, you know, now I can see and be like, okay, girl. Like, I see you. Like, we're feeling a little puff, puff.

We gotta do our thing.

But it's like pulling that apart. So the voice says, we shouldn't eat today. It's like, okay, I see you got it. It's not the voice as you. It's you as the inner mother, as the self, as the soul in relationship to that voice and not letting that voice run you.

So what. I mean, in those moments where there's also, you know, you kind of have this practical moment that could take over to, like, okay, yeah, I feel like, yeah, what could I do? So what do you shift into instead? Because, yeah, you're feeling. You're not feeling your best.

Yes. If you, like, feel, like, not good in your body.

Yeah. If you're like, whoa, I came home. I'm super bloated. I'm not feeling great.

Totally.

To just acknowledge it or what do you do?

I think it's all about the energy, energetics behind it, because I could have that same thought of, ooh, I just got. I was in Miami last week. I was doing my thing. I was doing my thing, and I'm like, I got home, I was like, ooh, like, feeling. Feeling the burn. And so the thought and energetic behind it before was like, there's something wrong with me. No one's gonna love me. I need to change my body now. There's, like, an anxiety feeling of, like, I'm gonna schedule every workout this week. I'm gonna get my diet plan. I'm gonna do these things. And now it's like, oh, I'm noticing that thought. Like, okay, you know, how does my body feel? Like, actually, yeah, I do feel a little out of sorts. I feel like there's a better way to be. Like, I love myself enough to, like, commit to feeling good this week. And what does feeling good for me feel like? Maybe it doesn't feel like scheduling all my workouts, but maybe it does feel like making my meals at home. Maybe it feels like going on walks. Maybe it feels like sleeping more. And it's usually things that, like, exist. They can exist with food. You can be like, I'm gonna eat really nourishing, colorful food all week, or, I'm gonna eat really well, or maybe I'm gonna fast for a spiritual reason. But it's like, the energetic and intention behind it is different, you know?

Totally. What have you found? Because you mentioned a little bit about your marriage, I feel like, oh, yes. I don't know too much about it at all, actually. Like, what? You were married, like, a year together 10 years. Okay. Together 10 years. That's right.

You guys were together for a while. Yeah.

And then married for a year. Do you feel like all of this was attached, like, the Food.

Yeah, the.

Tell me what you've kind of learned in that journey of, like, the hiding and the attachment to the food and deciding to let go of the marriage because you did that all publicly. Like, how did that feel and what did you learn from that?

Whether I like it or not, it was publicly.

Exactly whether I like it or not. You didn't have a choice.

It had to be public. The wedding was public. Our relationship was public.

Right.

He was on the podcast a few times, so I had to do it publicly. But the relationship between, like, my body and that relationship, I mean, said as nicely as possible, the dynamic we were in, there's narcissistic. There's a narcissistic element to that. And when you're with a narcissist, you are completely living outside of yourself and for someone else else. I'm tracking you constantly. What do you need from me? How do you want me to be? And this is also me on. On me. I'm 100% responsible for my role. You self sacrifice. You self erase. You know, there was not talk about my life, talk about me. So you're kind of just like not existing. So there's the energy of hiding in that dynamic that I was in where I was like hiding. And then your body kind of hears that and is like, let's hide, let's put weight on. I also didn't feel safe in the dynamic. So you put on weight to protect from a spiritual perspective. And a lot of these things are just related to spiritual concepts. So you hold the weight on your body to protect yourself because you feel like you have to. And then also, I was not using my voice. And I believe that there's such a relationship between using your voice and being in a body that you love, not only because your voice is moved through your physical body and your voice is attached to the body, but because it's your expression and like your ability to be seen and your ability to be heard. And I didn't feel like I had the right to be seen or the right to be heard. So there was just this kind of avoidance of myself. There was a bypassing of the self. There was a self erasure, and there was a prioritization of someone else over me. So I wasn't even taking care of myself. And so when you take care of yourself, you're going to be in a body that you love. But it was beautiful to have the evolution after the divorce that I had. And breaking up is the best opportunity for you to step into a life that you love. Like, I just timeline hopped after that relationship. And I really want women to know that, like, on the other side of your fear about leaving, a mediocre relationship or relationship that doesn't work for you is the life that you want and is the life that you can love and be in and create. And I just have found that breakups are, like, the biggest portal for. For growth ever.

Okay, so talk to me about timeline hopping. Cause I know some people who. Whether they. Whether they are in a relationship or not, or they're just like, man, I'd love to hop this timeline right now. Like, I would love to do what she just said.

Yeah. Yeah.

What do you think are the keys to, like, jumping into that? Because I. I mean, I watched it with you. You kind of just jumped into this next level version of yourself that didn't feel it. It felt like you. But next level, like, on another timeline. So how does one do it?

Timeline hopping is like a spiritual concept that, you know, I have a whole podcast on it, but it's essentially kind of like butterfly effect. Like, as an example in life, you have a timeline that exists of you living in Michigan, still working, you know, at a place by home.

Yeah, no, literally, I saw it.

Yes, exactly. Being with your high school boy. You know, whatever. The thing is, we have so many timelines that we exist in. And, like, I have a timeline where I live in Ohio with my high school boyfriend, whatever. So these timelines that maybe we could.

Meet and have a potluck in the Midwest. Honestly, like, what would you bring? What would your dishes say?

I'm trying to think of, like, what kind of my vibe would be back. I'd probably bring, like, something. I thought I'd be being wellness, but I'd not. It'd be like kombucha. And then I'd be maybe the Skyline chili spaghetti. Have you had that?

I would have. I was great with bacon spaghetti. I would have brought that to your house and would have blew your mind.

Wait, what's a bacon spaghetti?

My grandpa would make it because it was like, when you're poor, that's what they would have, but it just so happens to be the best thing ever. It's spaghetti with bacon and then, like, stewed tomatoes, but brown sugar. So it's like this very bacony, saucy. It's insane.

And.

But yeah, that was my Midwest.

I mean, brown sugar, baby.

What do you.

What are you even talking about? We'd be walking, watching football all day. Like, all day. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's just not the life that's right. Your highest expression or time, for sure. And so when we think about timelines, we have a lot of different availability in life when we're conscious creators of our life. I had a timeline that existed where me and my ex husband stayed together that I just was like, you know what? This is what love is. This is what relationships are. This is what it is. And I could have chosen that that's available. But I also chose a timeline where I didn't know what was next. I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know who I was going to be with. It's scary. I don't know what's here. If I would have stayed with him, I knew what was there. We could live in a house. We'd then maybe have a family. You know, there's kind of like a predicted timeline. And so when I chose the harder thing that was more aligned to my intuition, that's when I hopped that timeline because my intuition and my soul was calling me forward. And it doesn't mean it's easier. Usually it's harder. And usually you don't know where you're going, but you really get to a place where you can be more aligned, more free, more yourself, more embodied. When you're able to make the harder choice that aligns with your intuition that takes you further to the life that's meant for you.

What's feeling hard for you right now? Like, what are you working through? What are you. What are you able to see? Like, what are you able to see? If you can see something for the next. Next version.

Yeah.

What's feeling like the block?

I want you to answer this one too. Okay. So, Noodle. Gosh. I. To be honest, I think I was telling you this before. Mentally, I'm not well. I.

Let me just. I just. I just want to hold you and rock you because I. I was not well. Like, you're not well. But it is a part of. Okay, we'll keep going. It's. It's a part of the next part of you that would be the best part. You'll just like, you will not have been able to meet her without this and wellness.

And I hope that I feel free. You will. So what I'm working with right now is this moderator part of me that exists and lives and just monitors everything I do and say and needs me to be perfect example. This interview. I will be like, bye, love you guys. And then once I'm alone in the car, the moderator part will be like, should have said this. Should have said that. Could have done this better. Oh, you know, did she really like you? Like, oh, that was a weird thing to say. Remember when she kind of looked away? When you're. It's just. It is like.

I love it because I. I understand.

Don't you?

Yeah, I fully understand it.

Yes. Oh, my God. I'm like. And she is just on and popping through this book launch, so. So when you do big things, when you push yourself outside your comfort zone, when you go for your dreams, when you do something that is being seen and heard, the limiting beliefs that you have and the things that you struggle with are gonna be spotlighted and exacerbated because this part of me existed, but I didn't hear her as clearly as I am now. And so I'm really struggling with this part of me that is so hard on me because that's not the true me, and that's not the most successful me. That's not the most productive me, that's not the most authentic me. And it's really keeping me from being the most authentic and free version of myself because it has this deep desire for me to be perfect. And, you know, just on the other side of that, it's a really beautiful part of me. It's made me an amazing speaker. It's made me a really clear communicator. It's made me an amazing, you know, conversationalist, if we're talking about the work example. And so now I can see her, and I can pull her outside of me, and I can see the benefit she's bringing to my life. So I have to change, you know, and I'm not doing this all the time, but I've worked on changing my relationship with her, where I can get in the car and be like, hey, girl, you got a few minutes? What's up? She can be like, you know, this thing you could have said better. This you could have said better. And it's like, okay. I personally, Krista, outside of this critic, can take her feedback and get curious about it. You know what? Actually, I could be more clear when I'm saying that. That's a great point. Point. You know what? Actually, that could have been a better story. That's a great point. So when we use our inner critic as, like, our coach, it can be really supportive for us. Like, the inner critic to coach pipeline is really powerful. So I'm trying to use it as my coach, but right now, I feel so deep in it that I can't. I'm still A little murky with things.

It's just that. Which is beautiful because you're gonna, for, you know, for where you're going, you have to have this cleared. And I think there's no better way to, to clear it, which. Does it ever go away? No, not fully, but you can, you know, you'll just acknowledge it later. But there's no better way to do it than the sheer amount of reps that you're having to do.

Yes.

And you have to actually get so sick of it.

Totally.

Until one day, just like with your body, y, you will actually be like, cool. Great.

Yeah.

No, like, I fully, I fully understand it. I had it so bad. And then one day I literally was like, cool. Well, I liked me and I think that was okay. And I can always get better.

Yeah, 100%. You're just like, it's neutral. Like, even today, I hope this lasts. But even today I was like, I'm actually unavailable for all that. I'm unavailable. I'm actually good. And it's almost like this is the thing. It's like using boundaries on yourself. People are like using boundaries on everyone else. They're like, boundary, boundary, boundary. I'm like, use a boundary on yourself. Cause you're so mean to yourself and you're beating yourself up and you're saying all these mean things to yourself. And it's like, you need to create the boundaries so that you're not beating yourself up all day. And today I was like, no, I'm good. We're not doing that. Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen and I'm gonna be grateful for it. And I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of the book. And I'm just unavailable to beat myself up all the time for trying my best and trying my hardest and truly doing what I know to be best for myself and my community. What are you struggling with, dog?

What am I struggling with? 2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become the boss. You become the leader. That idea that you have that has been eating at you forever that just will not leave you alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify, 2026 is when you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started, you guys. I Use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally cried because I was so scared to take the leap. And I'm so glad that I did and that I Use Shopify. It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match. Your brand setup is fast with Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos so marketing is built into you can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders and expand to new markets and do it all from the Same dashboard in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy go to shopify.com happy that shopify.com happy hear your first cha ching this new year with Shopify by your side, too many people finish their workday feeling frustrated, drained and unfulfilled. I know that. I have experienced that myself. And news is it doesn't have to be this way and you don't need a new job to fix it. Patrick Lencioni, author of the Five Dysfunctions of a Team and more than a dozen other bestsellers, created the Working Genius Assessment to help you pinpoint the kind of work that gives you energy, the kind that lights you up, and it also shares the kind that drains it. So over a million people, including me, have taken it and completely changed how I lead and show up up every day. If you're a CEO, an entrepreneur, or someone who just wants to level up in business and in life, Working Genius is going to give you the clarity and confidence to operate in your strengths and find greater joy in what you do. Because confidence isn't pretending to be good at everything. It's knowing where you're truly gifted. Take the Working Genius assessment today and get 20% off with code earn@working genius.com that's working genius.com. you'll be glad you did it. There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be one of them for you. And when you want more. When you're starting a business, you need Northwest Registered Agent because you get access to thousands of free guides, tools and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. And it's all in one place. You can build your complete business identity with Northwest. Today, Northwest Registered Agent has been helping Small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow business for nearly 30 years. They're the largest registered agent and LLC service in the US with over 1500 corporate guides. Real people who know your local laws and can help you and your business every step of the way. You can sign up for free account to begin managing your business hub with lawyer, drafted operating agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership certificates, bills of sale and more at no cost. Northwest makes life easy for business owners. They don't just help you form your business, they give you the free tools you need after you form it, like operating agreements, meeting minutes and thousands of how to guides that explain the complicated ins and outs of running a business. And let me tell you, this is life changing because I had no idea how much went into this. So don't wait. Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business Identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit www.northwestregisteredagent.com, earn free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent at www.northwestregisteredagent.com forward/, earnfree. How much time do we have left? Kidding. What am I struggling with?

Okay, that was a good joke. I, I took that personally.

I was like, oh, she's done with me.

That was too good of a joke. Not at all.

That was me saying, how much time do you have that you can listen to what my problems are? Okay, so what am I struggling with? I am in a place where 40s are interesting. They're so interesting, they're so awesome and also so weird because you are supposed to have arrived. And when I say supposed to, like, I don't even know who made that up. But I think in your 40s you feel like, oh, this is where I should start going into the next chapter of like, who I am and I'm settled. And I actually think in your 40s. And according to everything, I'm kind of learning from other people too. I think there's the biggest initiation into the, the second portion of your life.

Yeah.

So I think what we see, especially what I feel like I see from friends, especially my Midwest friends, I think there is very clear choices that we make in our 40s of either the tapping out. Like, this is it. This is what I did. This is what I came here to be. It was maybe the kids, it was the family. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe I don't have that yet. Maybe this is like, this is just, just kind of it. Oh, this is my body. Oh, this is what I look like now. We're Older, you know, there's not a whole lot left. And I think you can either choose that or you can decide that this is the most exciting time of your life and that you're just getting started, and that everything you did prior to that has wound you up in a position to start something even bigger. And when I mean bigger, I don't even mean monetarily. I mean, like, purpose wise of, like, what could you really step into? And I think where this gets challenging is in your 40s, you. You also feel a little tired. You're a little tired of being challenged all the time. And so I'm. I am struggling with. I thought that portion of deep struggle and challenge was done internally, but it's a different version. It's a different version of the fire, like, trying to burn something away. Like, you think you're like, I'm listening to you say these things. I'm like, yeah, I struggle with that. I think I'm good with that. And then there are this whole mountain of other things that it's almost the same, but it's. It's coming up in a different way. Like, so.

Because what's the feeling of. What's the feeling there? Is it that you should be somewhere you're not? Like, what's the discrepancy that's creating the. That pain?

Like, why am I not as fulfilled as I thought I would be? Or I thought this would go easier or, wow. I thought the relationships that I built up would have made this a lot easier. And like, a new level of even disappointment is open to you. Because the bigger game you play, the more you do, like you said, the more you have to ask those people or see things. And it's like a new level of things is being revealed to me when you're in an even.

Like.

Like, I. I'm playing a riskier game in my life right now. There's a lot more. There's a lot more money involved. There's a lot more uncertainty involved. There's, like, risks. You know, Chris is taking massive risks in his career, and there's things in our life that we're facing where we're like, whoa, this is. You know, we haven't had children yet, and we think we really want them, but now we're in such a midpoint in our life where it is.

It.

It is just a bigger gamble of what your. What your future is going to look like. So I think that I didn't realize that as you play a bigger game, like, it just. It can get bigger.

Yeah. I think that's such a great point to bring up for the audience, too, because I think people see, you know, people like you just are really successful, big people, and it's like, you have to be sculpted to hold that much. Like. And that's what I'm realizing more in life, in my career. I'm like, oh, I wasn't given that opportunity or that thing because I actually didn't have capacity to hold it. No. Actually wasn't sculpted to have it.

I would have died even five years ago with what's going on in my life right now. Like, I would have crumbled to pieces.

Yep, exactly.

I would have never been able.

Like, you are being built and forged through fire to be able to do what it is that you want to do, and you have to trust that. And it's like, it's not. The people that are the biggest usually have struggled the most and been through the most. I remember I was at a party, and it was some random party, and Will Smith was there, and he was just talking about how he has, like, between, like, 12 and 20 lawsuits against him a month. It's just, like, people suing them all the time. And it just struck me because I was like, someone like, that level that plays so big. You think that life is just good. And it's like, there's so much happening behind the scenes. Stalkers, paparazzi, lawsuits, money, things, people taking advantage of you, all this stuff. It's like, for. For the grandiose and the beautifulness that you see on the outside, there is just as much struggle and strife that is happening on the other end.

Yeah. You have to. We're just all of these things and everything you shared and all the challenges, like the. The. The position that you're in right now where you're just like, I just feel like I'm gonna break. I'm like, oh, you're just. They're expanding your edges. Like, it's just. You're a water balloon right now. And it's filling, and it's filling, and it's filling because for the next vision, it has to expand all around it, you know? And it's like, you can't get that until you're stretched beyond what you think you can possibly hold. Because the blessing is big, but also what comes with the blessing is also really, really big.

Yes. Because God's like, okay, so you want this thing, and so now. So you want this book to happen and be a success. Okay, so now in this process of. That you're complaining. You're not like, doing these things. You're, like, choosing the limiting beliefs or she's. It's like, cool. Why would I give you more? Because you're already not doing well with this, what I'm giving you. And so when we're given opportunities, and I think this is so helpful for your audience because some of the women might want bigger opportunities or bigger stages or bigger audiences. These things. It's like, do the fucking best job ever with the audience that you have, the room that you're in, the fucking money that it's like, just crush it.

That was a tough lesson for me to learn.

Say more.

It was just a tough. It was very tough for me because I always wanted more and I always thought that my happiness was on the other side of more people.

Oh, yeah.

More audience, more attention.

Yeah.

Why don't I have what she has? And when I finally got happy with, like, what I'm doing, it's like I. I truly am the happiest I've ever been in my life right now. Because I'm the happiest with what I have.

Yes.

And it's changed my life. I'm so happy coaching into my mastermind groups. I'm so happy talking to, like, the people online. I'm so like, whoever I have online, whoever jumps on, like, even, you know, I do, like, certain calls where I'm like, oh, I wish more people would come on, but only if seven people would come on. I'm going to, like, love these seven people. Like, they've never fucking been loved before. And I'm doing that for me. Like, yes, I'm doing it for them, but I'm doing it for me to, like, feel satisfied with my life. Life and the job that I'm doing.

And just, like, enjoying it, you know, it's like I had that thing too, where it's like, you always want the more numbers, you know, you want the. The more things or whatever. But it's like, like, oh, no, this is. I've had to do that a lot. It's like, oh, this is what God wants for me right now. Yeah, this is what. This is what's meant to be. And this is like, also too. It's like providing transformation or like something instrumental to someone's life. To one person is crazy because you've had that. I've had that in my life where someone said one thing to me, there was one unlocked where I'm like, that changed my whole life. And I'm like. To be able to give that to someone is such a Gift, that's the.

Realization that's changed my life, is that in every opportunity that I. When I'm getting my coffee, when I'm at the gym, like passing someone on a walk, we have that opportunity to actually change someone's day in a huge way and make them perceive how they perceive the world. You can actually, not that I want you to be responsible for people, but you have the ability to help change perspective every single day or a transformation. And that is honestly, that is what has changed my life the most, is like, how can we do that in the little parts of our day, rather than wanting like this big audience or people to show up, up. And I still want those things, but I also am aware, like, I'm so happy with these other things.

Yeah. Yeah. I was realizing that recently in the past couple weeks where I was like, you know, sometimes what God wants for you is to make impact. Like with the Uber driver or the, you know, the barista or the server or your nanny or, you know, your husband or your partner, it's like it actually isn't always about being on stage. It isn't always about that. And. And I think the more I've connected with everyone in my life that I see in a kind, loving way, the more I've loved myself, the more I've loved people, the more impact I've made. And anyone that's listening, whether you have a job or not, you're entrepreneur or not, can make an impact where. And this is cliche and corny, I understand, but it's like you can make an impact wherever you are just by being kind to people or being loving to people or being present for people. And you never know that where that's going to go, even outside of just enjoying it more yourself.

And I think that that's what starts to expand.

Yeah.

What you get to impact is when you start to, like, really appreciate that you get to do those little moments. I think that's when you get blessed with, like, opportunities to do more if that's what you're really feeling called to.

It's when you don't care. Totally. You know what I mean?

Honestly, why does it take so long to arrive there?

I know. Honestly, it's like, I don't care anymore. And then it's like, dupe, here you go. Sometimes some people, like, play with. I'm like, I'll fake not care. I'm like, I don't care about.

He knows.

Yeah, I know.

He's like, you don't care.

Yeah, Literally, I'm like, it's cool. Because I don't care about this at all anymore. And it's like, I desperately care and I'm trying to lie to myself.

I do that all the time. Like, no, I don't care. God. And he's like, that's funny.

Yeah.

Surrendered.

Well, do you say God because of your religion or how do you feel about that? Do you say God?

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

I. Yeah, God's like. That's the word for me.

Yeah, same.

Yeah, it's come back. I. I don't know. It used to be. It used to be Jehovah, so, you.

Know, is Jehovah God?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's another name for God. Okay, got it, got it.

So, yeah, it was weird. It was more weird for me to say God than that. That doesn't translate well out in the.

World when I'm like, Judy, I was like, you know, God, Jehovah's like, yeah, that's not as.

Feel like, are you Jay Z? Yeah.

The person who says it, however people get their universe source, whatever. But God feels right for me.

Totally. That. That's. That's where I'm at too. So. Okay.

The book.

The book literally covers everything that we talked about.

Yep. So basically, the book was inspired by Lindsay and I's journey of becoming almost 30. So when you're on your almost 30 journey, your prefrontal cortex is. You're becoming conscious. So with your prefrontal cortex, you're actually able to think rationally. And then also you're going through something called a Saturn return. And so that's an astrological term. But what happens during that time is you have rock bottoms, you have reckonings, you have. All the lessons in life really tend to come up. Do you remember your, like, 27 through 30 period? Yes. What was going on?

I was breaking through, like, my old identity of not being smart enough, not being good enough, hiding that I didn't graduate from high school, started doing fitness. Yeah. It was like a whole thing.

Whole identity shift.

Whole identity shift.

You're reevaluating your identity in a real way. And I think Whether you're almost 30 or not, it doesn't matter. It's about your relationship with change, and it's about the belief that we all think we're behind, but we're really just becoming. And so in the book, we have stories that are really vulnerable from Lindsay and I, and then we have Pass the Mic. So we have some of our guests, guests that we share in the book, like Mel Robbins, Jay Shetty, Glennon Doyle, just Some of the. Some really powerful people that fit this stuff. And we talk about career, purpose, the body, we talk about burnout, we talk about spirituality, we talk about money. We really wanted to cover all of the areas that are important in your conscious awakening. And so it's a really hefty book, and I. I just love it. I'm so proud of it.

Well, I don't think it matters what age you are. I think it's huge because I can place myself back to that age and go, wow, this is like. Like, this was so big for me. And also, it's such good reminders of everything.

Yes.

And let me just tell you, please Write in almost 40, because I know.

I was, like, thinking about that recently. I was like, are we going to rebrand almost 40? I was like, maybe. Maybe at some point. But I'm still, like, lying about my age with dating. So, you know, we'll see. We.

We'll chat about. But you guys go grab the book. We'll make sure we link everything up right below here in the show notes.

Yeah.

And I'm so grateful for you. Thank you so much for coming on. And who knew? Meeting you way back in Soul cycle, I literally loved you the second I met you, which is how I met you.

We. We metall.

I was like, I don't know.

I remember abs. I just remember your abs. You cruising in the front with Chris.

Well, thanks.

Every class 7am you would go to S. 7am Every week?

I think so.

Yeah.

Yeah. That was just.

Yeah.

That was a whole different life.

That was a whole different life.

This is a whole different podcast. We'll do it another time. But it. Okay, you guys, thank you so much for tuning in. Linked everything up with the book and how you can find her, how you can follow her. Definitely go let her know what your biggest takeaway was from the podcast. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.