Let Us Save You Ten Years With This Advice

Stop trying to be in whatever popular clique there is today and instead realize that you're already in the new up and coming, powerful clique that's going to be the one that people want to be in tomorrow. Start rising with your peers and start standing out with your peers instead of wishing you were already in a certain group.

And that's when you're going to rock into stardom.

And we're back with another episode of he said, she Said.

So Lori and I've been traveling a.

Ton lately, and when we travel a.

Lot, we actually get a chance to talk a lot, which is kind of nice. Like the other day we were sitting in the airplane, just instead of putting on movies, started doing all that. We ended up just like chatting and talking and having the space to do so. In fact, that's one of the cool things about traveling is you get space to do things you don't normally get to do. Right. Anyhow, we got in this awesome conversation of like, oh my God, we're doing.

Things so much better now than we.

Were 10 years ago. And we're like, oh, I wish that somebody could go shake our 10 year ago selves by the shoulders, you know, 10 to 12 years ago. Be like, hey, kid, listen up.

Do this, don't do that. And so we thought we'd share some.

Of those things from our rabbit hole conversation with you guys. And the first one, Laurie, I'll let you kind of set this one up because we both do this really, really well. But I think you were the first to do this one.

Making sure that we're around the right.

People for the right reasons. Why don't you expand on that one?

Oh, my gosh. Okay. So I used to think that in order for us to be successful in.

The avenue that we were going down.

That somehow we had to create really close friendships with the people who were already winning in that space. And I think this led us down paths of trying to always be, which I think it's important, I wanna separate it. So I do think it's important to be in the rooms and learning from the people who are doing it correctly in that space. But I do not believe that you have to be great friends with them or even have a close friendship with them.

Amen.

I think that it can stay very separate. It can be that, like, mentor role, it can be that you've paid for their stuff, but you absolutely don't have to be in the popular clique, you guys, in order to make it. It's so funny how life works. It's like, now I'm getting invited into some of these places that I used to WANN Be in 10 years ago that I used to try so hard, and now I'm like, oh, my God, I feel so lucky that I'm invited, but I also maybe don't have the time or space for it. Or now I have these relationships that I want to invest in in my life because they're going to be in my life in the future, in 10 and 20 years, and maybe this one won't be in the future. So it's really interesting. It's about really following the energy for me now instead of forcing. This is what this all started on. As I was talking to Chris on the plane and in the car ride on the way back from the airplane ride, I said, you know, it's so crazy how I look back at a lot of the relationships that I used to try and force and how if for some reason they would have worked, it would have been a relationship that felt forced the entire time. And I'm in such a phase in my life where it's got to be just about the energy for me. It's got to feel good, it's got to flow, it's got to add value and recharge me. I have to leave that interaction with people going, oh, my God, I'm so glad we did that. I feel so good. I feel so recharged. That was so worth it. And if I don't say those things, I don't want to. I'm not saying I'm not going to, but it's making me really think about, will I do it again? Do I want to put my time in those places? Because I think you need to follow the energy in all of your close relationships because you don't get a lot of those.

Well, I'd sum it up this way, so.

So there is an in between valuable space that is not labeled friendship. And I think that's what people tend to skip over.

I know that's what we used to skip over it.

Go from nice to meet you, boy.

Would I like to be in your.

Life to oh, my gosh, why aren't we good? Good friends. And we forget. There's a great space in between called collaboration. There's a great space in between called mentorship. There's a great space in between called equal energy exchange. There's a great space in between called, you know, just learning and being in the energy of yes. And not observing that beautiful space in between thinking you have to be great friends with everyone and being that that popular click or be in that one.

Circle that's hot right now.

That's what's going to hold you back. Because you're going to either get in.

And say, oh boy, this is not where I want to stay in, or.

You'Re going to get in and realize it doesn't feel good. It's not a good equal energy exchange. And I would. Boy, I love giving this one reminder. This might free all of you up. Stop trying to be in whatever popular clique there is today and instead realize that you're already in the new up and coming, powerful clique that's going to be the one that people want to be in tomorrow. Start rising with your peers and start standing out with your peers instead of wishing you were already in a certain group. And that's when you're gonna rock it to stardom.

Because that's when you become a magnet, is when your energy is so good because of the. You enjoy the people you're around. I'm telling you, I can even tell by looking now where I'm like, that's an interesting relationship. I feel like that's interesting. I'm just gonna leave that right there. Like, I don't feel drawn to maybe what some of those people are doing together. Cause I'm like, it doesn't feel aligned at all. It just feels like two shiny people got together and. And I'm not necessarily attracted to it. And that's totally fine. But the reason that I'm sharing this with you is because don't try to get with someone or in their atmosphere just because of who they are and what you think they could offer you. Go with the people. I am telling you this will save you 10 years of your life. Go with the people who make you be the best version of you, who make you be the most energized version of you, who spiral ideas like so much for you that you literally can't stop getting downloads on ideas and just feeling so incredibly good and energized out in the world. Those are the ones who are going to grow with you, propel your career. It may not seem like it right now, but I'm telling you, stick with those people. Make sure you have time for those people.

So in that beautiful in between space between I don't know you and, oh my God, are we best friends yet? That mentorship space, that's a good segue into the second thing that we're talking about.

That, God, I wish we did this.

Better or wish we realized this 10 years ago. And that is whether it's mentors or.

Whether it's employees, spend the money on.

The best people to collapse time.

So this means, like, fight, bite, kick, scratch your way into the best rooms with the best mentors, or find a way to stretch a little bit and make that really great hire instead of trying to make one person on your.

Team do a little bit of everything.

Now, I understand when you're starting, people have to wear many hats. Don't confuse this. What I'm saying is I held us back for so long when I would try and get projects done on the cheap, when I would try and hire.

The cheapest contractor, when I would, you know, maybe go for the employee that.

You know, asking to wear all these different hats under. Under one salary. And the truth is, it held us back in terms of how much revenue we could have been producing faster. So the second one is, roll up your sleeves, ditch the fear, and find a way to spend the money on the right people to collapse time.

Because it really does collapse time. Whether it's the right mentor because they're going to collapse time on telling you exactly what to do and lifting the curtain, or whether it's the right team members because they're going to go bigger.

Better, faster, they're going to bring better ideas to the table, they're going to be a better joy to work with.

Because they're going to be in their area of expertise.

So don't be afraid to invest that.

Money on the right people to collapse time.

I love that. And the next one for me is I'm going to acknowledge that in the beginning, you may not be able to do this, but if you're somebody who's getting clear on your vision, like if 2023 is coming up and you're like, okay, these are the things I really want to do, you need to say no to anything that doesn't align with where you want to go. You guys, so many shiny things come up. So many fun things come up. And I think that a lot of our pain actually comes from thinking that we want to do them all and thinking that we can do them all. And really looking at 2023 or every year after that and saying, what do I wanna accomplish this year? And knowing that it doesn't mean a no forever, it means a no for right now. Like, if you're someone who's like, oh, God, I wanna take that trip to Hawaii, learn to play guitar, join those two masterminds. Okay, that's a lot. That's probably not gonna Give you the quality of life that you actually want. Because you're really after a feeling. If you just said all of those things or things that are similar, you're after the feeling of adventure, and you're after the feeling of learning and progress. So you can still get those things. In fact, you can get them more the more focused that you are, because when you take too much on, it's less focus, it's more scattered. You're actually not going to get the result you want. Because if you want to learn something, you do have to go deep within that thing. So really saying, what is this the year for me for? And saying no to everything else. Because quality of life matters and quality of the focus on the thing that you're doing matters in order to get the result that you want.

Yeah. You know, to this point, you know the whole theme of this episode, right? Is things that we wish we would have gone back and told ourselves 10, 12 years ago and shake us by the shoulders. Say, I would have shook myself by.

The shoulder and I would have said, learn to say no to good things that are not good for you right now. See, this is the trap. Everyone thinks, oh, I'm supposed to learn the difference and be able to say no to the wrong things and yes.

To the right things. Right.

Because that's logical.

That's what people think.

But that's actually not the case at all. Steve Jobs is famous for saying, I am most proud of the great projects that I said no to so that I could be great in the projects that I said yes to. Right.

That probably changed his quote a little.

Bit, but that's the message is life's trap is that it's not always what's good and what's bad and say no to the bad things for you. Life's trap is you need to learn to say no to really good options. You got to learn to say no to really good opportunities because they're not a part of your main mission on.

Where you're going right now and when.

You can learn that.

If I could go back to my young self, hey, 10, 12 years ago. But hey, man, listen.

You got to learn to recognize and say no to good things that are not good for you right now.

That would have collapsed time. That would have saved us a ton of.

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Yeah, it's interesting because there is a lot of things that I want to be doing right now. In fact, the more that I get out and speak, the more I'm out in public and on Instagram. So that also means the more that I'm getting asked to go on podcasts. It's kind of like when I simultaneously go get out on stages. Also, things influx in my inbox that are really, really good, like great speaking things and really great podcasts. Except I have to get really focused on, do I need to be on, you know, all of these different podcasts right now? What is coming up? Where does my time need to go? No, I need to be in, like, the curation of this big launch. In the future, there'll be time for podcasts. So right now, like, there's people who've been circling back and like, okay, you said you'd be on it. I have to go back and be that person who's like, I know I said this, I'm so sorry. And I'm not able to do it and I'm not sure if I can give you an answer in the future. So we'll circle back with you essentially saying, I don't know if I can ever be on your podcast again because, like, things are busy now and I want to give someone that permission who just heard me say that because as females, and I know that men sometimes struggle with this too, but we have a little bit harder time because it doesn't feel like we're being nice. So for me, I'm coming up with these no's that don't feel great. But do you know what does feel better is knowing that I have that time for my loved ones, for my big projects, and for the things that I actually want to be doing.

So.

So whenever I say a no, that doesn't feel good to say. Even though I know it's not aligned, I know I just bought myself hours in the future. And by the end of the day or the end of the week, I'm like, whoa. Like, it may not seem a lot to people. They're like, it's just one podcast, but if you have that in your inbox over and over. Which, you guys, I'm telling you this because this is going to happen to you if it's not already happened. If you're listening to this podcast, it's because you're on a trajectory. And the more that you can, like, take this to heart and start saying no to these things now that aren't so super aligned that, you know, aren't going to propel you, that take your focus away from growing your future projects, from really moving things forward. This is where we get distracted, you guys. I'm telling you, when you listen to all the billionaires and the most, like, successful people, and when I say successful, I also say that they have, you know, time in their life and they enjoy their families and they feel fulfilled, it's because they're fierce with their no. So the more that you can say no to that holiday party that you know that couple's not going to be in your future. And you're like, but I'm going to see them at the PTA meeting and in the school drop off.

Good.

Say no. It's okay if they don't like you because you're not going to like yourself if you say yes. So you have to live with you. You only get so much time in this life and I'm telling you, focus it on your projects and your purpose and your family. And that's going to mean saying no. So I hope this saves you 10 years of grief because I'm telling you, I spent 10 years saying yes to things that I didn't actually enjoy. And I just said yes to too many things like that. And I know that I'll sit with Chris sometimes and say, God, if I could just like go back and tell myself that I didn't have to do those things to be liked or I didn't have to do those things to get to where I wanted to go as many of those things. I wish I could have gotten a lot more of that time back to invest in my close friendships because there were times I didn't actually feel close to anyone. And it was because of that I was investing so much time scattered into different people who weren't gonna be on my long term future path.

Guys, our goal was just to share these things in these random conversations that we had to save you 10 years, right? Or maybe we're going to save you 20. Maybe we're going to save you 30 years. Matter of fact, I want you to look at it this way.

If you're 20, you're going to wish when you're 30, you're going to wish that you would have heard this podcast.

And done something with it when you're 20.

If you're 40, you're going to wish you would have heard this when you.

Were 30 and done something with it. You know, so when you're 40, you're experiencing the benefits.

If you're 50 right now.

If you're 60 right now, you're going.

To wish that you would have heard the podcast and asked, acted on it.

When you were 40 and 50.

So like 10 years prior. That's our goal, is you're going to wake up.

Here's my message.

You're going to wake up 10 years from now. It's inevitable. You're going to wish that you started exercising these things today.

Don't delay like there's no such thing.

As a time machine, but this is your next best thing.

Take this advice because 10 years is going to go by and we can collapse that time for you.

And by the way, speaking of collapsing.

Time, we only have a few spots left in the elite level. Mastermind, if you're going to make more than $500,000 in 2023, let us collapse time as a group for you.

Literally everything you need is in that.

Room or one introduction away. And that's how we collapse time. We collapse time with the strategy session I do with you.

We collapse time with the one on.

One coaching calls that we do each month with you.

We literally collapse time so that this year you grow your business five years worth or 10 years worth in one.

Year because you're in this very special room. So if you're going to make more than 500 grand in 2023, there's only a few spots left. I'm protecting those spots of my life. So I want the best of the best to apply. Don't talk yourself out of it. You don't know what I'm looking for for those last few spots. Go to Chrisharder Me Mastermind or just.

DM me and ask me questions about it. Go to Chrisharder Me Mastermind.

Hit apply or just DM me about it at Chris W. Harder on Instagram.

All right, guys, love to appreciate you listening. Remember, collapse time. This is the name of the game. Start now so that 10 years from.

Now you're gonna be grateful that you did these things.

We'll see you next week.

Sam.