Q&A: How To Be Seen By The World As Your Most Authentic Self | Living Room Session With Jen Gottlieb, Author, Speaker & Entrepreneur

You can't force anybody else to change. I've tried. You can't do it. The only thing that you can do is lead by example, shine your light as bright as humanly possible. And people will either be attracted to that and excited about that and be like, wow, I want what she's drinking. I want what she's doing, because that looks fun. Or they're going to get activated by it. They're going to be repelled by it and it's going to scare them, it's going to initiate fear in them and they're going to go the other direction. And that's the best way to naturally shift your friend group.

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the show. So this episode is part two of the Living Room Sessions with Jen Gottlieb, who wrote the book Be Seen. If you guys have not gotten the book. This was such a celebration of her book launch, you guys. And since this podcast has released, she has hit a couple of the big lists out there with her book because it is such an exceptional book. I'm telling you, I have already used some of the tools that she shares in there to have my business and myself be more out in the world and be more me and be seen. I'm telling you, this stuff works. But this is part two of the live Living Room Sessions with my amazing friend Jen Gottlieb and Lindsey Schwartz of Powerhousewomen. This was filmed in front of a live studio audience and this is the Q and A portion so anyone who came could come and ask a question based off of what our topic was. And that was being out in the world and being seen. So if you are curious about wanting more exposure, if you're someone who knows they have a big dream and needs to get out in the world, I'm telling you, this Q and A section is so much fun. Plus I just frickin love Q and A. So let's dive in. Okay, so who has got the first question?

Right back here. Aisha.

Hi.

Hi friends.

Hi.

Hello.

So my name is Aisha Marshall and I have the Butterfly season podcast and White Atelier, my jewelry brand. This is an easy one. So I love on TikTok when they're.

Like, this is this, this is this, this is this, this is this.

And we love the outfits vibes today, everyone, 10 out of 10, no notes. Can we know where everything is from?

Oh, so great.

Yes, go ahead. Laura.

I don't know this brand, but it's Revolve. Cause everything is from Revolve. So that's where mine Is from. How about you?

This is Alexander Wang. I love you. I don't know who the shoe is. We can just take a Francesco Russo. That's the best pump. I've had these pumps for about 10 years.

Those are amazing.

Cause they just go with everything.

And I am wearing local brand Girl High Boutique.

Oh, yeah.

Shout out to Shaunae.

So cute.

Beautiful.

Thank you.

I'm in my cargo era. I mean, the real important information of the evening.

Very important.

Be important.

All right, who has got the next. Jess has the question.

Hi, Jess.

So my name is Jessica Burgio. I have a podcast agency called Media Unscripted and also a podcast called Unscripted. My question, as many of you know, it's hard to put sentences together when you're speaking to these beautiful women. My question coming up right now is when you're in that season of knowing where you're supposed to be stepping into, but you're feeling a lot of resistance, not because you touched on this a little bit, Lindsay, that you don't deserve it, but the ripple effect is going to create or has started to create already, with everybody around you not really being ready for this version of you.

Ooh, this is a great question.

Love it.

So are there practices that you have that you do on your own, maybe that you don't have to buy a.

Course or get into a room or.

Do all the things to work through this exercise? A thing. A mumbling gnome, Just a bottle of.

Rose a night halfway there. So don't do that. Don't do that. Okay. That's gonna be your sad girl year.

If you do that.

Yeah, right.

Your sad girl era. This is such a good question, because I think that until. So I'm gonna answer it a little bit backwards. This is, like the biggest sign in your life to start changing your really close friend group. Because when you have really close friends who just accept every version of you, you stop even caring what the other people think. So it's great because it's just shining light on different areas of maybe you need to go, like, create even deeper friendships with those women that you really feel like can see you. And what's crazy about even saying that out loud is when I gave this advice to even myself, like, hey, I know I really need to do this. It's so hard to be yourself around the type of women that you want in those friend groups because they just seem off limits or, like, up on a pedestal. And no matter how people say, don't put people on a pedestal, we do. It's like Those are the friends that we want to be with. Like even the first few times Lindsay and I hung out and the first few times Jen and I hung out. Like, you can't just go in farting like you want to.

That's date three, friend. Date three. I didn't know you wanted to so bad, Lori.

You could have just done it. I would have accepted you and your farts. Believe me, I would have been honored to smell your fart. Oh God.

So it's like it's gonna be weird at first and I don't have another answer for you other than when you really cultivate that too. That's when it's gonna feel easier. Cause right now you're just in the hard spot of like you kinda don't feel like you fit maybe anywhere. So it's like it's creating those other places where you're like, doesn't really matter anymore. Cause I'm so accepted here. And these feel so good. And I don't think you can reach those until you've done something. Like you get those girls together and you go on a weekend trip and stay in houses together. Like you have to almost. I don't know how to do it.

Lock em up.

Staying together, Lock em up.

You have to stay together or drop in for hours. Like Jen and I had like a four hour session a couple weeks ago. Maybe it was longer where it was just us and we just went super deep. And it can't just be dinner either. Like it has to be. Go create your own little retreat. Go somewhere. It's gonna feel awkward. You might wanna cancel it before you even go. Like I don't even know if I like these girls. I've done it a coup where I'm like, I don't really even know if I like them or not. Like I'm really not sure. And then on day two, you're like, wow, I love these people. But facilitate something. So make sure the conversation's facilitated. And I promise you, if you come out of those with like these friends, these pinky swear. Oh yeah. These types of friends, then you will feel so much better about if there's a little uprise throughout your community. I know that wasn't totally how you wanted an answer, but what do you guys think?

I feel like the only other thing I would add is noticing what fear is coming up within you. Because to think that we can just move forward without addressing that fear. It's just gonna show up in the next season and probably in a bigger way. So I'd rather I'm so grateful for the lessons I learned about just my fear of outshining or my fear of my light making someone else feel away. I'm so grateful I learned that when I didn't have a bigger platform, it really broke me, and I had to learn in really, in secret. I just kind of went away for a while and no one noticed because no one was paying attention to me. So it was fine. It was great. Really. No one noticed, but no one came looking?

No.

But I had a season where I just had to. I had to nurture. What is this about me? That's. It hurts so much because if I can accept all of that, then I can love the person who isn't, because I'm just seeing a reflection of myself. So it's a lot of that work, too.

There's a whole. And part of my book I'm really nervous for some people to read because there's an entire section in there about how I had to really switch friend groups and I had to really weed my friend garden. I had to really shift and move into a totally different direction because every time I was around these certain people, I would leave and I would feel like I had to take a shower. I would just feel so not supported, and I would feel so not myself. And I would feel like I was trying to be my real Jen and do all of this stuff. And I was excited about it, and I was sharing it with them and nobody got it. And it felt unbelievably lonely and isolating. And for a very long time, I was trying to fit that square peg into the round hole, and I was trying to make it work, and I was trying to convince them, please listen to this podcast. You'll get it if you listen to this podcast, or you'll get it if you read this book. Right? You're shaking your head. You know, like, come to this event with me. You'll totally understand if you come to this event. But you can't force anybody else to change. I've tried. You can't do it. The only thing that you can do is lead by example, shine your light as bright as humanly possible. And people will either be attracted to that and excited about that and be like, wow, I want what she's drinking. I want what she's doing, because that looks fun. Or they're gonna get activated by it, they're gonna be repelled by it, and it's gonna scare them, it's gonna initiate fear in them, and they're gonna go the other direction and that's the best way to naturally shift your friend group. So I didn't break up with anybody. I didn't say, oh, I'm not gonna be your friend anymore, and I'm not gonna talk to you anymore. I didn't do that. What I did was I just started really hyper, focusing on putting myself in environments with people that I wanted to be around and only prioritizing time spent with people that I really resonated with. That made me feel amazing when I left. And sometimes that meant being by myself a lot, because there wasn. But when I. Everything was open for that. So it just naturally closed off the time that I couldn't spend with those people. And believe me, when relationships are at their end and that season is ending, the other people can feel it too. And so naturally, those people stopped calling. They just stopped. They disappeared. And I was like, wow, I guess that I was keeping this friendship alive even though I didn't even want it, because I stopped talking to them, and they completely stopped calling me, and it naturally shifted. And whatever we say no to, we're actually secretly saying yes to. So whatever you say no to, you're opening space for something else. So I ask you guys, what's your priority? Where do you want your life to go and open up priorities or prioritize that space and that time for only people that lift you up? And slowly but surely, your life will be only full of environments and experiences and people like that. But it's not an overnight thing, and you don't need to have this big grand. I hate you. I'm not talking to you ever again. You're not in my life anymore because you don't believe. No. Just shine your light, go in your direction, be your best self, do your thing. And the people that resonate, they'll come along. And the people that don't, they won't. And that's awesome for everybody involved.

Love you, everybody. Go on a retreat with her. Okay? All right, Allie.

Love that. Hi, guys.

I'm Ali Aruda.

My personal brand is Inspire and Move.

And my podcast is Inspire plus Move, launched today. Launch today. My question for all of you three powerhouse babes is, when you're sitting in this moment of magic and momentum and crazy, immense growth and success and all of this excitement and perhaps emotions that come with it, how do you best.

Decompress and process the success and the achievements?

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Hmm.

Uber eats and baking shows.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Honestly, really? Really? I'm the one with Jen. What are you ordering tonight? And I said, I already ordered it. It's sitting there waiting for me. I got a protein house. It's there. It's like, I think that it's unbelievably important to be able to receive that in your journey, to be able to reflect and receive and be in the moment. Megan and I were just talking. I was like, I'm really being in this season right now and really soaking it up because I know that I'm gonna look back one day and hopefully be able to teach people from this experience of this moment of launching the first book and being in this season of my life. So I'm really trying to actively receive and reflect, but it's not easy, and I'm not perfect at it. And sometimes when you're really on and you're really doing big things, it's a lot to the nervous system, and you really just need to allow yourself to just fricking be. Like, for me, I'm an introvert, and so that means I can be in front of people and talk to people, and I love connection, but this sucks my energy, and I need to go be alone to recharge my energy because I put so much out. So sometimes when I'm done with something like this, I need to first go back and do absolutely nothing for a good amount of time, not even think about it. And then I wake up in the morning when I'm fresh, and I'll journal about it, right? And I'll think about, all right, what are the most amazing things that happened yesterday? What are the things that I can learn from this? How can I fully receive and accept it? And then do my gratitude list and I'm so grateful for it and then leave it alone. And then I have all of that there that I can read back later when I'm in a moment of reflection and stuff like that, and it all adds up. But I think it's really giving yourself permission to not be perfect with all this stuff and giving yourself permission to be like, if you don't fully receive it, if you're not fully in the moment, let's say you get off of a stage and it doesn't feel as magical as you thought that it would not to get hard on yourself. Because sometimes it just doesn't feel like that. Sometimes it takes a week for that reflection to really kick in. Or for me, sometimes it'll take a year and I'll look back at a video and I'm like, oh my God, I'm so proud of myself for that. That was so cool. But right in that moment, it was just too much that I couldn't. So I think that we all need to remember that with all this self help, this personal development, this growth, all this stuff, we want to be perfect at all of it, you know, at like being a perfect personal development girl. Like, I'm going to receive this. I'm going to be so proud of myself. I'm going to soak it in. I'm going to be grateful. And I really want to do that all the time. But I find that if I'm too hard on myself for that and I can't show up in that way all the time for myself, which is most of the time, that it kind of ruins it all. So just be okay with like, if you need to just be sometimes, just be. I don't know. That's my best answer for you.

I love that answer. I'll just say just grace. Like. Yeah, the grace thing of recharge.

Have grace.

Something is always gonna. When there's big things going on, like right now with Jen or big things with Lindsay or myself or whatever, like something's gonna go to the wayside. You're not gonna. I'm not hardly reading right now. Like I'm reading your book. But that's it. Her book came and I'm like, okay, this is gonna force me to read.

This is great.

Yeah.

So things are always gonna slip through the cracks. So this whole journey is just grace, grace, grace, grace, grace. For me right now, like, I think when you're really doing what you wanna do and things are like you're in your dream, it doesn't feel like you thought it would feel at all. It feels really hard because your dream is probably a lot bigger than you are right now. And so it just feels like you are small and you're stretching and it's painful. So it requires a lot of literally cuddle time with my dogs, with my husband, walks grace, prayer doordash friend time. Like, you have to protect yourself because you're really inexpensive. You're at your edge every single day. So that's what I would say.

Yeah.

Same love.

That anyone else cry just, like, all the time?

Oh, yes. Was that not a given?

Yeah.

Was that not a given?

Yeah. For no reason. All the time.

You know what's really cool? When you just said that, I'm like, yeah, because we're crying. It's just shedding that layer. So every time you cry, it's like you're getting rid of whatever was and you're stepping into what is. Like, it's good. Like, get it. Get it up and out, you know, so feel it. Thank you for your question. I love that question. So good. Sam, do you have a question?

Hi, I'm Sam Harper. I am a sound healer with the portal Az. All right. Loves. I find that the cringier I am, the more seen I am. And I'm like, why that one?

Interesting.

Why did that reel or whatever or that TikTok take off when I was being, like, the cringiest? So if maybe you could share and give us all a permission slip and share with us. What is the cringiest thing that you're doing right now?

Oh, right now.

Right now.

I'll go first. Yes. Hip hop. Listen. I go because I get to experience myself being not as good as I want to be at something. When I went to that class, we went to this choreography class, and it was Aisha and Sam and I. And that's the kind of dance I really want to be good at. Like, the dance fitness stuff. I was a cheerleader. I can follow along, but I want to be like, I want to have swag. Yeah, it's coming, and it's gonna take some work. Like, I'm not even. This is not a joke. Like, this is literally my ultimate life dream, and I don't ever want to be paid for it. I just want it to be like, I want to go to a wedding and just be like, the circle forms, and I don't get hurt palpitations. I'm like, this is my moment. And so it's not totally. I wouldn't say it's totally cringey, but, like, how I observe myself, it is. No one else is judging me totally. But I'm really judging myself in those moments. And it's beautiful because I get to be with myself being a beginner again. So I love it for that reason. And this year. So last year was all about, like, just getting into the practice of dancing again this year. It's like learning. Practicing behind closed doors and at someone's wedding.

Yes.

Somebody get married.

Okay, great. Great.

Is her wedding coming at, so.

Oh, my gosh, I wonder who we can nickname you.

Swaggy at her wedding too. Swaggy in the ho. Because you want to have swag, right?

I was just thinking about how that's my other cringe is being from the Midwest is anytime I have to say bag or swag, I don't even like to say Shannon, I'm wearing it. I'm like, I can't say it without my Midwest showing. So those two things.

How about you? I feel this whole season for me right now, in this moment, is me being a beginner and doing something I've never done before. Letting people. Like, asking people to read my book. Y', all, my book is so meta because my book is called Be Seen. And I am literally reading my own advice every single day. Because there is not a day that goes by right now that I'm not petrified of this next level. For me, this is really scary. It's actually forcing me to be seen on a level that I've never been seen before in my life. Asking people for help, asking people to read the book, Being on zillions of interviews and podcasts and stages, which is all stuff that I prayed for and I wanted to, but here I am doing it, and all the fear comes up. Am I good enough to be here? Who am I to talk about this? Why would anybody wanna buy my book? Am I gonna sell enough copies? Literally, I'm up at night thinking about all these things. So I don't. And the reason that I share this is because I wanna make sure that you all know it may look like when you launch a book or you're at this certain level, it's all easy peasy and it's not scary. But I wanna let you in on something. Like, I am scared. Fear doesn't go away. But I'm very equipped to, to deal with this fear. I really am. I feel that I am very equipped to deal with it because I can wake up every day and I can understand that it's fear. I talk to my fear. I say, what's up, fear? Like, I see you. I understand that you're here with me. We're gonna go and we're gonna do this whole day together. We're gonna do this day, and it's gonna be a little scary sometimes it's gonna be uncomfortable. You're gonna sometimes feel like you're not good enough to be in the room. But all of that is lies. It's lies. And I know you're gonna be with Me the whole time. And I'm just gonna drive the car and you're gonna be in the passenger seat. And no matter what, I'm gonna get in my bed tonight, no matter what. No matter how scary it was, no matter how uncomfortable I became, no matter how bad I shit the bed in an interview, no matter the stupid thing that I said, no matter if I hated what I ended up wearing. Cause it didn't look good on camera. No matter what happens, you always end up in your bed. Time doesn't stop. So how do you wanna feel when you get there? And I think about that every single morning when I wake up during this very difficult season. How do I wanna feel? Do I wanna feel like, oh, I should should have just showed up. I shouldn't have let fear get in the way. I shouldn't have canceled that. I should have just done it. And so now when I get in bed at night, I have a practice where I just celebrate my wins for the day. To really solidify the confidence that I built from moving through the discomfort of this entire season. Because it's all cringey for me right now in a little bit. But when I get to the end and I get to the other side, I'm like, okay, that was cringey. And it was hard and it was uncomfortable, but there were some parts of it that were pretty good. And I'm just really proud of myself for doing it. And then I get up the next day, and I have proof, like Lindsay talked about earlier, that I can do the hard things and I can move through the discomfort and I can move through the imposter syndrome, and I can give fear the finger and I can say, shut up, bitch. Get in the passenger seat of the car, and we're gonna go do this damn thing. And so for the next book, I'm gonna have even. I'm gonna be even more equipped and the next one even more equipped. So the cringy moments are the greatest gifts ever. It's how you move through them that.

Makes you who you are so good. I would say it's just showing up on, like, the world is so much video right now. It's just, like, showing up on camera so much and trying to figure out how to do that and feel good about it. It's really hard. You guys all know this. It's, like, so weird. So that's my cringiness is just seeing yourself so much on video going, that doesn't feel like me yet, you know, like, you know who you are. And it's not showing that way.

Yeah.

So that's definitely it right now. That's a great question.

Yeah.

And I feel like we had one more question over here.

Hi.

You guys are awesome. I love all of this. My name is Rhonda. I have an Instagram account, Race for Fitness and I have a large following. I help a lot of ladies and I just did something very bold and I'm sitting here terrified, breaking out, creating my own business off of an MLM business. And the response was insane and I don't think I was prepared for it. And we start on Monday and I can't find half of them and I don't know what to do. And I tracked everything. And so going through this, I'm learning. I want a better system. So did you guys ever run events on Facebook or anything or anywhere? And was there a system you used to track all of your clients? Because the one I used obviously did not work well.

There are so many challenges to business.

That I don't want starting to be one of them for you.

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You'll be glad you did it.

So I don't know if that's something, because I'm feeling like I need to have a system so that I can keep doing this.

What is it that you're doing? What is the event?

So I run meal plans, Bible studies, and fitness through my business. And I have a specific one that I am teaching people how to get shredded in two weeks. And so they paid to join. I've got their emails, but some of their names don't match. And I've tried to make it all work. And I'm trying to figure out there's gotta be a system that I'm not doing, whether I use. I didn't use forms. Maybe I should use forms. They were supposed to email me. They all PayPal'd me, but now their PayPal names match their Instagram. I'm sitting here going, what did I do wrong?

CRM.

CRM.

A CRM. So I. I would check out GoHighLevel. That's what we're using right now.

Okay.

And that will do everything for you. It will keep track of everyone. You can put all your email funnels in there, automation, everything. It'll do everything. I would have your entire course and everything live in, go high level.

Are you writing this?

Go check it out.

I'm just sitting here and I'm like, I didn't plan on working all weekend. I'll be working all weekend because it was too much.

Go level's great. Easy peasy.

That will change your life.

Oh, you guys.

Thank you.

Yes, thank you, thank you.

I appreciate It.

Awesome. And I think we had one more question. Yes. Okay. Go for it.

Hello, everyone. My name is Miriam Ireton, and for the past 20 years. This sounds really old. I've been a financial strategist. And so my question to you ladies here, because, you know, I've been married for 19 years. Y' all are married. When you're getting ready to put yourself out there, right, to be seen. Because sometimes I feel like, you know, people know us as who they know of us all these years, and especially if you've been married for a long time. So then now you're kind of breaking out of your shell.

Right.

So what advice would you give us married ladies when we're getting ready to maybe break out of our shell or, you know, kind of rebrand ourselves, I guess you could say.

Can I ask you more specifically? Like, what is your fear? Like, what is that advice? Do you want that advice around?

Well, when I went to the Powerhouse Women event, I think one of the things I realized was that I hide behind my husband. I hide behind a business that we've had that's a success, the passive income. And sometimes those things trap you, especially when deep down inside, one of you said it. That little girl with big dreams, Lindsay. And it's like, you feel like there's more.

Mm.

Right. There's more to life than, you know, kind of what we're living right now.

So, yeah, I love this. Okay, so what is advice that we would give to somebody who's kind of been hiding? Doesn't matter if it's behind your husband or if it's behind your kids or.

If it's just hiding in a home.

Kitchen or whatever it is.

We're all finding those great things behind somebody.

Exactly.

I would say you don't have to start big. You can come out slowly. It doesn't have to be this, like, I've been hiding, and here I am. It can just start to be, like, these different posts that you do every day. You know, it's like, people will start to see you probably faster than you think, just by being consistent with saying, like, what do I want to share? Like, how could I share this? How could it be in my voice? And I will tell you, more people. You'll connect with so many more people, and more people will see you, meaning they will just really see you if you authentically share where you're at in the journey. So even saying hey, it's not a bad way to start saying hey. I realized I have this great business. I've been kind of hiding behind it, even though it may look this way. Except I haven't really felt like I've ever put my real self out there or I've really gotten out there in the way that I want. So I'm gonna try to do X, Y and Z and just keep referring. My whole journey has been like, if you go back and read posts, I'm just telling you about what I'm going through.

That's it.

That's my entire journey. Whenever I wonder what I should say, I ask myself, what am I struggling with? Because everyone else is too. And so that's like the most authentic way to connect with people. And I think people will. I think they're gonna love it from you.

Yeah.

Even more than that, I think why you're feeling this call to step out and start sharing is there are people who won't get their breakthrough. They won't stop hiding until they see you stop hiding. And when I just remembered that, like, in the early years of starting to share this message that I was like, who am I to share this? It was something that actually came through when I was writing the book. There were parts of my book that I felt were straight up channeled from somewhere other than me. And it was for me, it was a message I needed so that I could tell others. And it was just this idea that if I'm feeling called to do this, if you're feeling called to step out, and even if you're not sure exactly what you'll share yet, it just means there's someone somewhere waiting for you to do that. That if they hear this podcast or they hear any of us speak, they're not gonna hear it in the way they needed to hear it in order to get their breakthrough. It takes courage to accept that that is why you're feeling that pull.

And I'll talk about the relationship part of it. Cause I'm very familiar with this. But I'm gonna talk about it from the completely opposite viewpoint. And I think this might be interesting. Cause I've never talked about this before, so I just think that it's unbelievably sexy and empowering. When my partner goes off and is being seen as his best, most badass version of. Of himself. Like, everybody think of that for a second. Whether you're in a relationship or you're not. When you're with a romantic partner and they're just living their best life and they're thriving and they're on the stage of their life and they're doing what they do Best in the pocket. I'm like, whew, yes, right? I'm so into it. But we all have this fear that if we start shining our light super bright, it's gonna make somebody else feel inferior or not like us as much, or we might not be as attractive. But I would bet you, and I don't know you that well, so I can't really, like, forgive me if I'm assuming something, but I think that if you start shining your light super bright and you start just being authentically you and you start being seen, it's gonna be unbelievably attractive to your partner, and he's gonna be unbelievably supportive and unbelievably excited for you. If you're living your best self and you're just doing your damn thing because he loves you. And if you guys have a strong relationship, I would believe for me, right now, my husband is actually shifting his entire brand. He's pivoting. He's doing something completely different. He's really taking the stage in the AI World, and he's starting to be on stages, and he's starting to come out from hiding, and he's doing it. And I'm just like, I am. So you're motivating the crap out of me right now. You're motivating me. You're pushing me to be seen. So what if you looked at it like, honey, I'm gonna show you what it's like. I'm gonna show you how amazing I am, and I'm gonna show you and motivate you and inspire you to also be seen. And I'm gonna do it by showing you the way, by doing it myself. And I feel that something really beautiful about our relationship and what I really love about my relationship, Believe me, there's a lot of things about my relationship that are not perfect. I talk about it often. I don't have the perfect relationship, and I'm not a relationship expert. But one thing that I do know that really works for us is when we're both in our zones and we're both being seen as the best version of ourselves, and we're both in the pocket. We always have the most powerful relationship because we're both motivating each other and supporting each other and so attracted to each other because the other person's doing what lights them up. And I find that that always makes a really, really powerful relationship. So I would just maybe try to shift the mindset into that. Like, wow, honey, watch how cool and great and amazing and how much I can shine like you. Watch me. I think it would empower him.

All right, this side of the room.

Have you ever been in a situation in your life where you're experiencing something very private and very heavy and dark and difficult, like a health crisis that you have to manage of a family member, et cetera, et cetera? You're like, how do I convert this to shareable content? Because I cannot share what's going on.

Yeah.

And who are you?

Yeah. What's your name?

Yeah.

Miss. Sorry, we're.

Calculate the question.

Calculate the question.

Yeah.

Be articulate. I am Cat Fulton at Instagram, and I've been in hiding for a year and a half. Okay. But I've run a business for 11 years. I have four employees and a web guy. We run a really awesome small business. I have always felt stagnant for a few years because of this thing, and it's very private. And I've already gotten pushback and hate from my in laws, I'll say that online.

Fun, fun, lots of hate.

So that's my question. Deep, dark, heavy. How do you convert that to shareable content where you can't really share a whole lot of the private details?

Do you want to share it or do you need to share it? Is it something that helpful?

I have shared this on a podcast.

Podcast, yeah.

Okay.

So what the heck? My dear husband, at age 54, I was 43. Our daughter had just turned 2. She was a baby in 1 while this was happening. He was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease at a very young age. And it has freaked the crap out of me because I actually worked clinically with dementia for 12 years in a previous career. Not my business, but so I understand the disease. His family does not understand the disease. They don't believe me. And there are psychiatric symptoms that show up. I love him dearly from the bottom of my heart. And it is a disease that is insidious, that is disguised, that is betrayal, that is confusing, that nobody understands in the early stages. So I've been dealing with this for a year and a half. I'm actually kind of. I'm like. I'm ready to explode. I have so much passion and fire inside me. I'm ready. I want to. I want it so bad. And it's been a boulder. I've been pushing up a mountain for a few years that I didn't realize. And I have a wonderful business that allowed me to work four hours a week and still bring home six figures during this health crisis of a whole Year. However, I know there's so much more inside of me, and I'm ready. And so I signed up for Lindsay's Mastermind. I want to be with you amazing women. I'm trying to come out of my shell.

Y.

She's ready.

Yeah. She's ready. She's ready to be seen.

Yeah.

Thank you for sharing that. That's a lot. And I know it's probably, like, also feeling because you've been in a different world, you haven't really been able to, like, even be in that other. When family has health issues or there's crisis or what, you're in that world. You don't have a choice to be in the other world. So I can imagine that's been really challenging. I would say it just depends. I think in the beginning, depending on what you even want to share or need to share, there's a lot of people who have a lot of those things who don't even necessarily. It's kind of weird that you have to sometimes act like that part of your life is not happening. But we absolutely have things in our life that people have no idea about that I don't share at all. We have things like that going on right now, so you don't have to feel like you have to share them right now. If it starts to come out naturally or maybe if it comes out in a different forum where some people are finding or like sharing that they need help with something, then something organically might happen. Unless you're feeling like you really need to share it. But it sounds like it's a little sensitive around the fam and stuff. I would just allow that to be that part of your life that's private and share everything else. Yeah. If that's what feels good and that's what's. But we all feel for you, and that's such a hard, hard thing.

Thank you for sharing.

Yeah.

I have an entire section in my book that's entitled when to not be seen. It's important to know when to not be seen. And I actually went through something this year that I was open about saying I'm going through something, but I didn't share what it was, and I don't think that it's ready. And I always ask myself, is the wound opened or closed? You want to make sure that if you're sharing something, you're sharing from a closed wound, you're sharing from your sexy scar, so you can share from an empowered place of what you learned from the situation, and nobody else can really be affected by Your story, you're sharing from an empowered. Here's my. Like, I went through it and I've got all of this learnings and this growth to show you and showcase from my experience. But if the wound is still open and it's bleeding and you're actively trying to, like, stop the bleeding and it's something that you're in and you're experiencing and you haven't learned all the lessons that are going to come from it yet, I would recommend that you keep that for you. Keep it for you. Take lots of notes of what's going on. Cause one day it will be part of your story. But it's not a scar yet. So I don't think it's ready yet.

And I think it. Sometimes just knowing how vulnerable and open you are, I think sometimes what we can tell ourselves is, well, then, am I being inauthentic? If I'm out there putting on this face of this powerhouse that you are, knowing that behind the scenes your life isn't perfect? And I think that's where what Jen said is brilliant. And then being okay with sharing what's happening in our world in general, more universal terms. Because even when we think that, like, I've mentored people who have, like, really deep end and really intense stories, and we think that people need to hear every detail of those stories to get their breakthrough, but actually then it makes it more about the person sharing the story than about the person we're serving. You're not doing this. I'm really just sharing, like, how I've seen people powerfully take a life challenge, like we all have. And you're very actively right now dealing with. You can say things like, look, I show up on camera and I love to share with you. And part of me is this mission I have. And that doesn't mean that I don't have hard things actively right now. So I feel for those of you who also do, where this can still stay private, as private as you want it to be. But you can also be authentic that there are things going on behind the scenes. And you can speak to universal. Like when I say universal lessons or terms, it's like we've all experienced in some way a feeling of loss. You can speak to how you're supporting yourself through loss. When you're ready to share that. It doesn't have to be the specifics. And if you never want to share those.

Yeah.

Great question. Thank you for that. Is there another question over here?

I'm going to stand.

All right.

Okay. So I'm Julie Berman and I have a podcast called Women with Cool Jobs. And I also help people find what lights them up and how to do more of it in their life. That's my business side. So I am so excited to be here, and I feel like this is, like. I don't know, it just magically happened that you're here with your new book without being seen. This is something that, like, I am. I am not one of the people who I performed, but I was, like, in the back happy to be amongst the rest of my colleagues and classmates. Oh, thank you. As you can tell, I am learning to be in front of an audience. And so I am in this place where I want to be seen, not cry. Thank you. I want to be seen because I know, like, what you guys were saying about the intentionality of not knowing where I'm going. I can't believe I'm crying. Anyway, it's all good not knowing the intention behind this specific place that I'm going. But I know I'm going somewhere, and I know it's a mission bigger than me. And in order. In order. Thank you so much.

This is the perfect room to work this out, right?

This is so great.

This is great.

In order to do these things in the future that I cannot foresee. And I love hearing all of your beautiful stories about just doing that next thing, because that's where you feel intuitively led. But yet I am not someone who's comfortable being seen. I'm curious what ways that you found when you are coming to those points that are those new places and those new levels of being seen. If you have tangible tips or actions that you take to get past those big, scary things that make you feel like you want to throw up. Because I have something coming up, like my first live event in a few weeks.

Go.

And that's exactly how I feel. So good. Thank you.

Well, I'm going to give you a book, so just find me after this so I can get you one. And I'm going to buy it for you. I only have literally one, so this one's yours. The only one I have. Or I would give you a book. We've all touched it, but I'm gonna send you one. So just find me and you will get a book, because everything in that book is for you. Every single tool in that book is for you. I'll give you one for everybody here. I mean, hopefully everybody gets it. But first of all, unbelievably brave for you to stand up and share your truth with everybody.

Here.

So you are already being seen in such a big way. So everyone give her a round of applause. Thank you. That is so huge. So let's put a coin in the confidence bank right now for that one. Let's add a badass moment to the badass list for this one. You just stood in front of everybody and spoke your truth, and you are now declaring that it's happening. You're being seen. I'm so proud of you. What helps me the most when I. This is the biggest thing that helps me. Whenever I'm feeling fear of being seen, which is on the regular, and this is what I do now, is I'm so seen. But it's always a little scary. So first thing is, you don't ever have to really believe 100% in yourself. If you go on the Internet, a lot of the times, you'll find people that are like, you gotta believe in yourself 100%, 100%. You just have to believe. You cannot do anything until you believe in yourself 100%. Well, that is a bunch of bullshit. I've never done anything believing 100% same. I always have a little doubt, a little fear. So in the book, we talk about the rule of 51%. You just gotta believe a little bit more than you don't. 51%. 51. Just get to 51. Cause that 51 will get you to that first action step. And that first action step will get you a tiny little win. And that little win will give you a little bit of motivation. Just a little bit. And you can take that to get to 52, 53, 86, sometimes 99. And then sometimes you'll go all the way back down to 51. And it's a. Okay. So when I'm down at 51, I have one thing that I do, and I do it before every talk. I did it when I sat down to write my book. And when you read my book, you're gonna actually be like, oh, I get it. I never had writer's block when I was writing that book because I focused on the acronym HOPE H O P E stands for help. One person every day. So instead of thinking about myself and my words and what I was doing and what I was saying and what I look like and what I sound like, and if other people are gonna like me. And so in my ego, which is what we're usually in, if we're worried about what other people think of us, and that's okay, that's normal, I would focus on talking to one person that one person that was reading the book, the one person that's gonna be listening to this podcast right now that needed to hear what I had to say, the one person on the other side of the reel that's watching it, or the one person on the Instagram Live that's watching that needs to hear it, not about me. And suddenly my ego would go away. So when I was writing my book, I envisioned my girl sitting across from me. Her name is K. Pilates instructor. She lives in New York, and she's hiding, and she wants to be seen and build her brand. And I would just sit and have a conversation with her, and I would just talk to her. And so whenever I speak and I'm petrified to get on stage, I think about the one person in the audience that I'm having a conversation with. I either find someone that is like, oh, she looks really amazing. She's who I'm talking to today. But the master thing is, is none of you know who the one person is right now. But I probably. And hopefully every single one of you feels like you're the one person. Because when you talk to one person, and the whole act of your content or whatever you're creating is just to serve, is just to help, and it's just about that one woman or that one man that needed to hear what you had to say, then all the fear kind of dissipates because it's not about you anymore. I always tell people, like, I'm so unbelievably grateful that Lori got out of her own way and made herself visible, because I would not be here, the book would not be written. None of this would be happening for me if she didn't get out of her own head and move through the fear and allow herself to be seen on the scale that she was seen, because she didn't know that this one girl, one girl was walking around New York City listening to her and getting inspired and building this whole business and this whole life. And she was kind of subconsciously manifesting her friend, too. So you never know. So just talk to one person. Help one person every day. Think about your one human, and it'll be easy.

Thank you.

Come find me. I buy you a book.

Yeah.

Can I insert something there? That was also in my mind? Cause I don't know if this is for Julie or someone else. Can I talk about the post being seen Hangover?

Yes, please do.

Because every time I will leave here tonight, and I know not to trust anything I'm saying to myself for 24 hours. Every time doesn't matter. I could do the most flawless event ever. My own mind is feeling I hit a trip wire. Cause I just went somewhere new. And at that point, that's where the fear starts to show up and try to coax me back into my comfort zone. So I just know not to trust anything that I say to myself about myself. 24 to 48 hours, you might need longer, but it's real. When you are going somewhere new, it's triggering a very real survival mechanism inside of you that doesn't want anything to do with your growth. So just know that being seen might even feel amazing in the moment. But don't be surprised if there's like a little bit of a hangover afterward. It happens for me every time.

After my first Bliss project, I was probably. I was sick for a week.

Sick.

I got ill. I cried. I was depressed. I felt like I did something wrong. I felt like I said wrong things like that I told women wrong things and they were gonna go home and like, break up their families. And it was really bad. It was very dark. And so it's a very normal experience. And I experienced it for like three years after that, but it got better every single time. So there's definitely a post being seen hangover, you're just not used to putting yourself out there, so. But it gets better and better. And it's beautiful and it's fun, I promise. And yeah, if you know that, then you go home and you can feel really good about the experience that you had.

And in that moment, when I'm feeling the hangover, I'm like, oh, that's right. I did something new. So just a lot of self care. A lot of. I am more introverted in that I have to recover alone. So I just know that I need to build in time at some point, especially after a big event and being seen on that level. I have to go away for a while.

I don't even text her. Like, I want to text her and voice note her. And I'm like, give her three days. Don't be a psycho. Don't be a psycho. Give her three days.

We had a trending hashtag after the Powerhouse event this year. Troll mode. You know how, like, you show up at an event and you're all glamorous, and then the next day you're in like, the hoodie with, like, yesterday's makeup running down your face and you look like a troll who should be telling riddles under a bridge. So use that as well. Troll mode is healthy.

It is you need it. Okay, well, you guys, we're gonna go into troll mode right after this immediately. Very excited, very excited about it. Can we give a big round of applause for Jen and her book?

Everyone go get a copy of Be Seen. It is available for pre order now. And pre orders help an author so much, don't wait till the book actually comes out. Order it now. It'll be at your doorstep. October. End of October.

Yep, October 31st. So it'll be. You'll have it November 1st.

Trick or treat.

Mm, yeah. Be seen on Halloween.

Only treats. Only treats.

And if you all want to be part of the street team, I have an amazing, really, really engaged street team that's helping me with the launch. So if anybody wants to do that, you can just DM me. Street team. And when you buy your book, you can just sign up to be part of that. That would be amazing.

Which is basically like getting a masterclass from someone who's the. The best I've ever seen in selling from stage, in promoting in a way that just feels so authentic, so heart centered. So if you're really looking to master that and master being seen, that's an opportunity of a lifetime. Canada.

Us.

Us.

Only the book.

No.

The street Team.

Oh, yeah.

Everywhere, please. Yes, we want you. Everything is virtual.

We want you. Canada.

Yes, we want you. We need you everywhere.

Everywhere.

Really, really good rap there.

Thank. You.