Simple Ways to Quickly Calm Your Nervous System with Liz Moody

There are moments where it's really easy for me to be really upset that I was homeschooled through high school, and that feels like a big reason why I have anxiety or the religion that I was raised in.

Everything that we are doing or thinking or saying, we have learned from somewhere. Take that and you go a step further. So my mom's mom did this. My mom's dad did this. This was what happens in my mom's childhood that made her the way that she is. It's not an excuse, but having that understanding can increase our compassion for our parents, which can smooth that path and help us let go of that resentment. Because the resentment at the end of the day isn't hurting our parents. It's hurting us. Resentment is a cage that we are building that is preventing us from living the life of our dreams. So anything that we can do is an action for us to begin to find ways to let go of that resentment.

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast. Today's episode is another throwback, one of my favorite conversations. And you guys know that I've had this podcast for eight years. So if you're newer to the podcast, I have literally recorded over 1400 episodes, you guys. So I want to make sure that you don't miss any of these super amazing, juicy conversations that I have chosen just for you. Because I can't tell you about the wealth of knowledge that is in this freaking catalog of throwbacks. I don't want you to miss it. It's truly what has changed my life and helped me on my journey of growth, in entrepreneurship, in relationships, in personal development, in. And I know that these messages are going to hit you in the same kind of powerful way that they hit me. So I hope that you love this one as much as I do. And let's get started on the podcast. Today I have another podcaster, and she's incredible. She's got an amazing podcast herself. Her name is Liz Moody. She is a wellness expert and author of Listen to this. It's such a good title, 100 Ways to Change your life. She's also the host of the Liz Moody Podcast. She has a background in journalism and pulls the most incredible stories out of celebrity guests she interviews on her show. You guys go tune in. Liz has faced some intense challenges, from battling anorexia to severe anxiety and even a traumatic experience while traveling alone in Brazil. Her journey is not just about surviving life's toughest obstacles, but she is such a wealth of knowledge on how the brain works and how to Shift the mindset you want on a daily basis. We talk about everything from tactical tips to regulate your nervous system, how ways of healing can actually be fun, and how to define your best life so you actually get what you want out of your time in this life. Plus, Liz shares a mantra that will make you unstoppable in your pursuit of creating success in any area. So let's get into the show.

Liz, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast.

Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.

Okay. Is so fun, you guys, because I love interviewing other podcasters because we're doing a pod swap today, which by the end of this, by the end of, like, our three hours together, I just feel like we're gonna be best friends. We're gonna be best friends, which is so fun. And I know, you know, some of the things that I've heard you say is the same reason I have a podcast as well, is I feel like it's just, number one, it's one of the best ways to network on planet Earth. Number two, it is one of the best ways to get information with incredible people that I would want to sit with. And, like, would I typically have the opportunity to sit with you? Maybe not. Would I typically have the opportunity to sit with all these people who I just have wanted to learn from one on one, and so I really feel like that's why our podcasts are such a blessing. And you have an amazing podcast that Liz Moody podcast.

Thank you.

I was actually listening to it again this morning, just getting ready, but also, like, wow, we have so many things in common. And I just felt very seen. I felt very seen while listening to your show. And so I'm really grateful for the listeners today to hear some of your story, because what I think that you do is you remove all excuses that we might have in our head, and I think that we can make it a superpower. And so that's what we're going to talk about today is just really the things that stop us. The fears, the anxiety. So I know that you have a story of. I think I'm saying it right. Agoraphobia. Can you tell me just a little bit about how that started? When initially did you. Do you. Can you kind of pinpoint it back to that?

So I've always had some form of anxiety. My mother was in an accident when I was two years old. She was in a coma for a really long time, and so I had some attachment stuff around that. And I always just had this belief that something terrible could happen and destroy lives at any moment. Because while she, you know, woke up from our coma, my parents got divorced as a result of this accident. My entire life transformed as a result of this accident. So I always had this background low grade hum of anxiety. But when I was in my late 20s, my husband got into graduate school in England. And I thought I was going to love moving to England. I was like, I'm a world traveler. This is going to be perfect for me. I'd already spent years of my life traveling by myself and, and I moved there. And it was okay at first, but then I was really separated from my community. My husband was at school for much longer hours than either of us had thought that he would be. And also, London's very spread out. I don't know if you're familiar, but we were living in angel, and his school is in South Kensington, which is more than an hour apart. So he would call me and be like, oh, we're all going to the pub after school. And I'd be like, okay, I'll be there in an hour and a half, you know.

Yeah, totally.

So he tried to include me in these things, but it was really, really difficult. And slowly I just lost all of these external connections to my community. I was living in my head at home every single day. Some days I wouldn't talk to anybody all day. And my anxiety started to ramp up and up and up. But I didn't even identify it at the moment until there's two inciting incidents that I can really think of as being like, oh my gosh, this is something that I need to take care of. One was I was waiting in line at the grocery store. I had my little basket of groceries and. And I was overcome by this panic attack that was so intense that I had to set down the basket of groceries and leave the store. And I was like, oh my gosh, I can't even go grocery shopping. What has my life become? And there was another incident where my husband invited me to watch a rugby game at a pub with his friends. And I could not bring myself to go because the anxiety of being in the pub surrounded by these people felt so terrifying. And it were these two things of like, oh my gosh, I can't even perform these normal life tasks. And I began having panic attacks whenever I would leave the house. And then I would have panic attacks whenever I even went downstairs in our house. And slowly my world got smaller and smaller and smaller until I was just basically in Bed all day because it was the only place that I felt safe.

Oh, my gosh. So for me, I'm hearing so many things that reflect in my story in terms of the more that I was alone. And I kind of started building this life where I was alone a lot. And it got worse and worse because you're just spiraled in your own stories and in your own world. So can you tell me, like, what. What offset it? That it sounds like it kind of stayed dormant for a little bit, and then it really flared up. Was there, like an occurrence or something that made it really flare up?

So I had a seizure when I was in my early 20s. I was anorexic, and I smoked some weed that I got from a questionable source. I was actually 19 at the time.

Sounds accurate for the age.

Yes.

All questionable things.

And I was traveling by myself in Brazil. So I was alone on a beach in Brazil. And I just remember having this very palpable sense of, you need to eat something, while I was smoking this joint on the beach. And I went to a burger shop, and I was, like, trying to order a burger, and I had a seizure. And it was a really traumatic experience. But because I was still in my party girl era, and I didn't understand that I was treating my body like garbage. Like, I just. I didn't think I was. I had an eating disorder. I just thought I looked like the people I saw in Us Weekly. It was like the era of, you know, the Olsen twins and Lindsay Lohan and all these people who were very, very unwell, but we were putting them up as the beauty standard. And I also was like, everybody does drugs from the time they wake up till the time they go to sleep. Like, why would that be the cause of anything? So I had these two very clear causes. And I'd been treating my body like garbage for months and months, years at that point. But because I didn't believe it was either of those things, I1 ignored it. And I too, sort of severed the trust that I had in my body. I really developed this negative relationship with my body. But because I was still in my party girl phase, I tamped that down for a really, really, really long time. And that was what was flaring up again when I was severed from my community when I was in London.

So I want people to really understand the extent of how this is rippled into your whole life, because you've done some incredible things despite still having a lot of these emotions and despite a lot of different things happening in your life with anxiety and Living with it.

And I would say because of, in many ways.

Okay, I love that. So you also had a fear of flying.

I still have a fear of flying. Still have a fear of flying. And I just did a book tour in the fall where I was flying every other day, and I still have a fear of flying. And I have a lot of things that help me with that. From the very pragmatic things, like if you do not have noise canceling headphones and you're afraid of flying, you need to get noise canceling headphones. But also things like, I want to live a big, bold, beautiful life, and I'm not going to be the person who lets my anxiety get in the way of that.

Tell me about a moment when you thought for sure, though, that was it. Like, you were just going to live a really small life and you were going to, like, you wrote off your dreams. Did that ever happen? Were you like, okay, I'm going to.

Let these go 100%? When I was laying in my bed in London with my computer, I was watching Friends a lot of the time. And I was like, these are my friends now.

It was Sex in the City for me.

And I'm like, sex in the city for my friends.

These are all I need. And then that was sad.

It was really sad. And I also. When you get to the end, if you're like watching the whole series, I did it with both Friends and Sex in the City in London. You get to the end and then you're like, what do I have now? I know.

Oh, I cried.

I had, like a moment with both of those, but I was laying there on my computer in bed, and I was like, this is fine. Like, the discomfort of going out and being flooded with panic was so great that I convinced myself that I could watch tv, I could watch movies, I could email people, I could text people. I could live a life that was okay from my bed. And that scares me more than anything else. The idea that I had resigned myself to thinking that this was a life worth living.

So what made you unresign? Like, what was the moment of, wait, I can't do that? Did it start to become more painful or what did that look like for you?

There were times where it was more painful. I don't talk about this that much, but there were times that the discomfort in my body and mind was so great that I was like, is this worth staying alive for? I would wake up and I was so uncomfortable from the moment I woke up to the moment that I went to sleep that it was really hard to picture experiencing that day after day after day after day. So there was that, and there was the fact that I'd been a journalist for over a decade at that point. So one of the things that I did while in bed was I would reach out to people that I had no business reaching out to, like the head of neuroscience at Stanford and doctors from Harvard.

You're like, screw it, I'm in bed. It doesn't matter anyway, let's go for it.

It was just the only skill set that I had cultivated over the years. And so I was like, I might as well do this. And I began asking them questions like, what's causing my anxiety? What are the mechanisms of action at play here? What are things that I can be to do to feel better? And most of them did not reply. One of my life mottos is, never be the one to say no to yourself. Because you never know who might give you a yes. I've built my entire career on this. My first book came out of this.

So good. Never be the one to say no.

To say no to yourself. I love it for two reasons. I love it because, one, you never know who will tell you yes. I get stories all the time since I've started sharing this publicly from people who have gotten raises they didn't think they could get, who've gotten husbands or wives they didn't think they could get, who've gotten houses they, like, wrote a letter to the homeowner and said, this is my dream house. I gotta tell you why. And then they sold them that house. So many amazing things have happened. Wow. But two, if you're never being the one to say no to yourself, you're always in your own corner. So other people can come and they can tell you no, and they can say, maybe not now. Maybe that's not right for you. It's not a magic permission slip to do anything you want in this world, but it means that you always have your own back. You are always your own biggest cheerleader. And that is such a powerful message to give yourself.

Oh, I love that. I realize. So a lot of the common things with people who have found some success in an arena is, like, the beliefs that they have or the things that they say to themselves over and over. My version of that is don't cheat yourself or don't bench yourself before the game starts. Like, those are two things that it's always like, am I the one, like, block blocking myself before even, you know, and what am I afraid of? It's like that Rejection or someone won't like me or why is she asking that?

And I'm.

I'm now okay with all of those answers.

So I also love don't cheat yourself, because it could apply even to something like, if you stop your workout a few minutes early, like, are you cheating anybody else? Are you cheating yourself?

I was like, I. I was working out. I was 15 minutes in, and I'm like, I have so much to do. And I'm like, don't do that to yourself. Like, give yourself the one up. Keep releasing the endorphins. You need them. Today I was really struggling, and I was like, don't do that to yourself. Like, give yourself a fighting chance today. Like, finish this workout, even if it's slow, release some more dopamine, and then let's go.

I love that. I love that. So I emailed all of these people, and many, many of them said no. As is what happens often when you're not the one to say no to yourself. But also, as is what happens often is some people said yes, and they began to give me these tips and tools and understandings of what was happening in my body. And I started to do these tiny little things and those tiny little things, like the teeny, tiniest thing. I made a smoothie one day because somebody was telling me that a lack of nutrients can actually contribute to anxiety. And I had eaten no nutrients, basically, for my entire life. And so that. And Zach. So I had my husband Zach pick up ingredients at the store, and I made a smoothie one day. I meditated in bed one day. But these teeny, tiny actions started to make me feel just a little bit better. And feeling just a little bit better gave me so much hope that I could feel better in the future. Just tipping that scale a little bit in the positive direction flooded me with a sense of possibility.

Okay, so it's going to be. It's. I'm hearing the little things, which is a lot of how my journey went, which we're going to dive into. But something that you were talking about back to the. The flying. You had mentioned something in your podcast episode that I was listening and you had spoken about. Sometimes with anxiety or the reasons why we feel we have things, we can also feel a lot of resentment around a particular moment or maybe our parents for different things. And I so relate to that. There are moments where it's really easy for me to be really upset that I was homeschooled through high school, and that feels like a big reason why I have anxiety or the Religion that I was raised in. And that feels like why I have a lot of like religious trauma or anxiety around so many different things. And so a lot of my work is to deal with, like trying to heal that, like resentment and not blaming. Can you share a couple things around that for me, just what you've done to maybe work through that in your life?

Yeah, absolutely. I actually just did this thing called the Hoffman process. Have you ever met? Yeah, so I just did this thing called the Hoffman process. I have.

Super recent or.

Yeah, like a month ago.

Oh, really recently.

It was incredible. I have an entire podcast episode about it if people want to listen to it. It basically shows the things that I've learned and what the experience is like. Cause it's cloaked in a little bit of secrecy. But essentially it's a week long intensive therapy retreat. And one of the things that you work on a lot there is connecting. Okay. So my parents did this in my childhood and that's resulting in me the way that I am now. I think a lot of us have had made those connections. And that's what a lot of the therapy talk that you hear is about. Like, oh, yeah, my mom did this, so that's why I react the way that I am. But what Hoffman does is you take that and you go a step further. So my mom's mom did this, My mom's dad did this. This was what happens in my mom's childhood that made her the way that she is. And you can even go back further than that. Well, so why are my grandparents the way that we are? We all are not built in vacuums. We're the function of the world that we live in, the people that raise us. We're learning things from somewhere. Everything that we are doing or thinking or saying, we have learned from somewhere. And that is not an excuse. We can still be accountable for our actions. And I think that having conversations with parents and not saying, well, oh, you know, you were raised the way that you were raised, so none of this matters. We forgive you. Everything's hunky dory. It's not an excuse. But having that understanding can increase our compassion for our parents and for the reasons they did, what they did, which can smooth that path and help us let go of that resentment. Because the resentment at the end of the day isn't hurting our parents, it's hurting us. Resentment is a cage that we are building that is preventing us from living the life of our dreams. So anything that we can do, it's not a selfless action. It's an action for us to. To begin to find ways to let go of that resentment.

It's so good, the way you put it, just thinking about, you know, okay, what about the grandparents? What about before that? Cause it's just all passed down, and we're all in our own worlds, and we're all just trying, like, survival mode. We're all technically at the core, the deep core of it. Like, we're all just trying to survive and be in survival mode, and we.

All want to love and be loved. And so, like, I was reflecting on things that my dad says maybe out of humor, and I was like, oh, my gosh, these were criticisms you were getting as a child, and you were using humor to deflect this. And then I pictured him as this child who just wanted love like the rest of every other person on this planet, and especially children. We all just want love. And picturing them as those kids who aren't getting what they need and what they want in life, you understand how they begin to build up these defense mechanisms, and unfortunately, how these defense mechanisms carry over into negative interactions with us.

That's been one of the most healing things for me, is thinking of, what was my mom dealing with at that time? Like, let's actually go back and pretend I'm her at this age.

And I was like, dang.

I mean, I still don't have kids, and I'm like, I. I struggle with just my life and trying to take care of things, let alone what's happening in your children's life. So I literally can't imagine that. And that's been so powerful for me and letting it go. But when you're in the moment sometimes, or if someone's just first listening to this and going, okay, that's like a new thought. And I'm having a moment of w. Like, that's very real. How do you, like, do you allow yourself to process, like, the anger and resentment around it? What does that look like kind of before that moment when you were processing the anger and resentment around it?

Yeah, I think processing your own anger and resentment is hugely important. I love physical movement for that. It keeps coming up over and over and over. On the podcast, I just did a podcast about grief, and she talked about how somatic expression is one of the key phases of dealing with grief that nobody talks about. So we try to, like, process it verbally. And I find we do that with trauma. I find we do that with so many things that are building up inside of us. We're sitting there in therapy and trying to talk about it and talk about it and talk about it. We're talking about with our friends, we're talking about with our partner, and we're wondering why nothing's changing. And it's because we're missing that somatic expression element. So, for me, I love boxing, and I'll think about the things that I want to let out while I'm boxing. I also love just going for hikes, going for runs, but any type of intention of. I want to let this go. This is building up inside of me. I want to meditate on this. That you combine with that physical, somatic expression I find personally to be incredibly helpful.

Oh, that's so good. I just did this thing I haven't shared at all because it's one of those things where you're like. It's not weird at all. Like, people talk about it, but when you do it, you're like, oh, that's interesting. So I had just gone. I had just gone to the gym. It was like a normal morning. I was by myself. Chris was traveling. So most of the time, him and I will go to the gym together. So, like, I'm probably not going to do what I did with him. It wouldn't even come in my brain. And I had, like, some speaking stuff that was coming up. And I just. I think with this, like, I'm in a new endeavor in my life, and a lot of my old fears just. Things are coming up that I'm like, oh, isn't that interesting? Like, the old things are coming into this new venture, and I. I don't want to feel them anymore. I want to feel, like, very. Of course we feel them, but I don't want to, like, live with them daily. And so I just had this urge, like, on the way home from the gym. I'm like, you just need to, like. Like, you. I wanted to scream. I was like, I just need this out of my body. I'm so over it. I, like, kind of scream cried this prayer to God. I was just like, I'm super done with this. Like, it's blocking. Like, I kind of want to cry right now. I'm having emotional day. I'll tell you why later. But I'm. I want to be done with it. It's blocking my message and why I'm here. Like, I'm really here to help people.

Did you.

And so I screamed, like. Like a scream that scared me. And the first time I did it, I was like. It felt, like, almost, like, weird and shameful, like, ooh, don't do that. That doesn't like you should just like not do that. Like I don't know what that feeling was, but it felt like, like that feels out of control. That feels out of control is what.

I think that feeling is. Just the years of internalized, vital messaging that has blocked all of our primal urges, that's blocked us trying to embody our wholest, most authentic self. And I think that's why we need these tools and guidance and permission to even begin to let these things out. But it's the most natural thing on the planet. We have emotions, we need to express those emotions. And we live in these lives all days where like, oh, you don't cry at work, you don't cry in front of your kids or you know, there's all of these messages about like when we're allowed to feel emotions and to what extent and don't embarrass yourself and don't embarrass the people around you and all of that. So we just end up these pent up little bottles of emotion and needs to go somewhere.

And I, I think that's what's like the, it was the such a, almost like a people pleasing feeling. Like don't do that. Like don't do that. You're always under control. Like you always make sure people are okay. And so I did it the first time and I was like, that felt awful and great at the same time. So then I was like, we're going to do this a second time. So I'm on the highway and I'm just like going, okay, this is a safe space, I can do this and letting it out. And I swear to you that, that later that day it's like things moved in my life that I had been trying to move. Like actual people were reaching out to me and things that I was trying to get to move, moved. Was it associated to the scream? I don't know, maybe it was. Oh, I think it wasn't.

A hundred percent was. Our body holds things on a physical level so you need to do things on a physical level to let go of what your body is holding. And so many of us are just living up in our heads and we're trying to sort everything out in our heads and that matters. Our heads are so important. Like our minds are huge contributors to the lives that we're living and. But it's only one piece of the equation. So when we're missing the other pieces of the equation, we're missing key things that the research and the science very Firmly supports is necessary for our healing. So I very much encourage people to do things like scream, to do things like using your workout to move through some of your emotions. But also a very easy one that people don't think about that often is just sing at the top of your lungs. The car is a great place for that. And you're stimulating your vagus nerve. You're beginning to let some of those emotions out. Look for those opportunities to move things on a physical level.

Yeah, I love that. Okay, so you still move forward in life, and it sounds like from that point where you're like, okay, let's go, like, make a smoothie or let's go do something healthy. Right? Like, was that the beginning? Yeah, let's just go do one.

One tiny thing. Yeah. So the smoothie was very early on in the journey, the meditation. Eventually I worked up to doing, like, yoga on a little mat at the base of my bed. Little tiny.

What was happening with your brain with that? Were there little breakthroughs of, like, okay, maybe I could do this, or maybe I could, like, branch out and leave my house, or maybe I could.

They were little breaks in the palpable feeling of discomfort that I was living in every single day. It was like a very cloudy day, and you began to see these little glimpses of the sun coming through and a little sense of, oh, I can feel the way that I want to feel again.

And so you clung onto that and just kept going and you layered on that.

And I layered on and layered on and layered on. And actually, it was interesting. So we ended up moving back to the US and the two things that really tipped me, because his graduate school finished, I wasn't like, come back. So he finished his graduate program, and then we moved back to the US and the two things that really tipped me at the end of the day. So I built up all these little tools. I was eating much, much better. I was meditating more regularly. I was moving my body more. All these things. But the two things that really tipped it were one, refinding a sense of community in a really strong and powerful way. Community is one of the most important, important things in our lives to do well, no, you've built so much of your world around that, which I admire so greatly. But there's really incredible research. The longest study of health, or human health and happiness, it's from Harvard. It's called the Adult Development Study. And it shows that the single biggest predictor of longevity and happiness in life is the quality of our relationships. Hands down. Like, this is the longest running study of human beings that exist on this planet and it points directly towards relationships. So for me, rebuilding my community, being around people on a regular daily basis that I felt like knew me, could support me was huge. And then two, building structure back into my day. So I ended up getting a full time job at an editorial magazine in New York City. And when I took the job I was like, can I do this when you have anxiety? And I don't know if this was your experience, but my experience at least was I wanted to leave a lot of room for flow. Like, oh, if I have a panic attack here, I don't wanna schedule anything. I don't wanna ever have to wake up at a certain time of day because then what if I don't sleep the night before and then I'll have a really horrible day the next day. Like I never wanted to plan anything because I wanted to give endless room for the what ifs of my anxiety to happen. But anxiety actually loves structure. Structure is one of the best things for an anxious brain. It almost makes it feel safe. It gives it a little container that it can actually grow and be nourished and throw thrive in. So once I started that full time job, which I was so nervous about, it was the last sort of tipping point that I needed to feel like I did not only before, but even feel better than I'd felt before before I started my serious agoraphobic part of my life.

You talk a lot about experimenting with different things. And I love this because one of the, one of the things that we do that's really freed me just in life to, to do and create and dream and is Chris and I call it trying things on. Like you just essentially what you're saying is experiment with different things. Like one thing is going to work for her, might not work for you. Like something might feel good one day, a routine might feel good for two years. But if it stops feeling good, like go try something else. Like move across the country, go. If you don't love it, move back.

Yeah.

So tell me a little bit about experimenting and why you think that's really vital for people to get through when they have a lot of fears and anxiety.

Oh, so many reasons. I mean one bio individuality. We all are so unique as people. And so I think that some people be like, oh my gosh, I don't understand why this supplement works so well for her and it didn't work well for me. And it's because we all are very different, literally on a physiological level. And so different things are going to work for different people. So you don't know until you try it. And then also, even if something isn't something that lasts forever, it still has a lot of value in your life. And I've thought about this with, like, meditation. I used to be like, oh, I need to find the type of meditation that works for me. And now I'm like, as long as I meditate every day, I don't care if it's a mantra meditation. I don't care if it's two minutes in the car. I don't care if it's a guided meditation. I'm just doing something. And I'm like, they're all gonna have a positive effect. If you work out in one way for a number of months, and then you take a little bit of a break, because maybe that's what your body needs then. And then you go to a completely different workout, and then maybe you join a split sports league. They're all having an effect, so I think that's really important, too. And then also, I think experimenting with different things and assimilating as much knowledge as you can is helpful, because then in the moment where you need to call on that knowledge, it's ready at hand. I say that with my podcast all the time. We are really big on action steps, so we're sharing tools for longevity, for gut health, for making friends, for finding success, all these different things. And people are like, oh, my gosh, so many tools. How do I know what to actually use? Same with my book. It's 100 tools.

It's a lot of tools.

And I'm like, you want to know those tools are there? Because then in the moments that you need them in your life, your brain will have that recollection, and it'll be able to pull that up and be like, oh, you're feeling kind of burnt out right now. Maybe you try this trick to rewire your brain for happiness. Do you remember that it was, like, in that book that you read, and then you can reference that book, but if you don't even know those tools exist, you feel like I felt when I was in bed in London, you feel that sense of hopelessness and despair and a lack of possibility. So I think trying different things and assimilating that knowledge and is key for making sure we have it when we need it, but also just giving us a sense of hope and belief in what's possible.

Okay, let's chat about that for a second, because I want to talk about the mindset around like having all the tools. And this reminds me of, of different times in life where I've been really overwhelmed. And sometimes the more you learn, the more overwhelmed you can actually get. But it, it's kind of like a mastermind. Like Chris and I actually talk about this whenever we have any event or whenever we have a mastermind. We'll stand on stage and be like, um, this is going to feel like a fire hose of information. Probably like when sometimes people listen to my podcast or your podcast. I think it's so important to like step back from the information, like listening, listen to it from an observer point and just constantly look at it from the lens of Do I feel like I need that now or is this for later? And that on its own has helped me because to an anxious person, going into a room or reading a ton of tools without that lens is like, I should be doing all the things, oh, she's meditating this much or that. Or oh my God, maybe I should walk now. Maybe Pilates is it.

Maybe this.

Is that.

Maybe this food. And once I kind of was like, let's run it through the lens of. Does this feel like it's for me right now? Does this feel like more of a. Yeah, tell me, tell me the things.

Well, I was just gonna say that's why I think the number one tool that we all need to develop before any other tool is a sense of self trust. I think we need to know that we know the answers for ourselves so that when we come across that information, we're filtering it through. Well, I have this deep knowing that this is the right information for me at this time. Or this is a past for now and maybe I'll come back to it later.

So how do we develop that? Because especially people like, I'm like, tell that little us who is just concerned about everybody else going, if they're okay, then I'll be okay. And to like, never trust what you're thinking or feeling. Tell me how we start that.

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So I have three concrete action steps.

Of course you do.

Let's go. Let's go. Action step girl. Let's do it.

One is keeping promises to yourself. So if you are laying in bed and you're like, I don't want to scroll on my phone today, I promise I'm not going to scroll my phone when I wake up in this morning. And then you wake up, you reach for your phone and you scroll on it. You're just like, oh, it's just a little treat. It's just one day. Broke that promise. It's fine. You broke that promise to yourself. So you're not building that foundation of the things that I say are things that I will do. I am trustworthy. The voice in my head is trustworthy. And they feel like little tiny moments. I don't want to eat this thing. I ate this thing. I do want to eat this thing, I don't eat that thing, et cetera. All these little tiny moments, they don't feel big in the moment, but they are degrading that foundation of self trust that you have with yourself. So I think that's really important. Another thing that I really like to do is meditate on the qualities that I really appreciate about myself. Meditate on the things that I know to be true about myself. I'm warm, I'm loving, I'm kind, I'm curious. All of these Things. So I do a appreciation and a gratitude practice at the end of every day. I learned this at Hoffman too, but it's been really, really powerful in my life. So I used to do gratitude. I think a lot of us will do gratitude for our days. And a little trick for gratitude that I just have to mention. I did this episode on the five secrets of the world's most successful people with Dr. Michael Gervais, who's this incredible performance psychology coach. And he says, not only do your gratitude practice at the end of the day, but at the beginning of the day, be like, I'm gonna be a detective for things that I'm gonna be grateful for later. So then all day you're basically selective filtering, which is a neuroscience term for tagging in your brain, the things you want your brain to pay attention to. You're selective filtering for things that are gonna feel really good at the end of the day, which is gonna change the entire course of your day. So it's already doing gratitude. But then I added in appreciation. And appreciation are values that you appreciate about yourself that showed up throughout your day. And what that's doing is it's building a great sense of this is who I am at my core. And I like that person. And that's gonna be really, really important for a self trust journey. And then I had a third one. Oh, yes. This one is really, really, really actionable. It's a tip in my book, but it's from Dr. Aziz Ghazipura, who is a confidence specialist. And it's just a practice making little decision self trust muscle again. So when you go to a restaurant and you're looking at the menu and you're like, oh, God, do I want the sandwich or the soup? Do I want the salad? I don't know. You order like, oh my God, did I order wrong? Like, what's going on? I used to ask my husband what dish on the menu would make me the happiest, which sounds so silly and like, oh, ha ha. But like, I was giving him my power to know what would suit me the best, which is crazy. So when you go to the restaurant, just look at the menu really fast and say, I'm gonna have this. And just like your first gut reaction, you're practicing building that decision making muscle. So when the bigger decisions come along in your life, you have that self trust foundation that you've built in those little tiny moments. And it's gonna build your tolerance for getting it wrong. Cause you're not always gonna order the right thing on the menu, you know when you, like, want to get a pair of leggings or something, and then you look on 50 different sites and you're like, what are the best leggings? Then you're like, did I order the best one? Did I get the best price? Whatever. Sometimes you're gonna get it wrong. But this exercise will show you that you're resilient anyway. You can get it wrong, and that's okay. You are going to survive no matter what. So it'll both work that muscle and build a sense of faith in your own resilience. So I'd say those three things, they're very specific and actionable, which is what I like to do. That's sort of my whole foundation of my brand is taking the science and making it into things we can actually do in our everyday life. But those three things have made a huge, huge difference for me.

Oh, man, I love those. And there's so much with that, even to the trusting yourself part of if you make a bad decision, like, saying, okay, well, that decision was important for me to learn from. I love that. It's just so layered. Using your everyday life and deciding, like, committing to. I made that decision. That was a good decision. There's so much, energetically, that you let go of instead of the back and forth of. Was that a bad decision? Was this. Oh, which also.

And you can survive bad decisions. Like, you can survive decisions that you make.

I make them every day.

I survive. Yeah. And I think that fear we have when we're coming up on hard decisions in our life is like, will I make it if this goes awry? But if we actually reflect back, there's a million instances that we can point to in our lives where things did go awry and we did make it. And that's as powerful, if not more so, than thriving when things are going really well.

Yeah. That's so good. Okay. So you talk a lot about, like, deciding and figuring out what your best life is. Why should we do that? What does that free us from? And how do you do it?

So the reason that you should put conscious intention into that is because your best life is gonna be different than your mom's best life or your partner's best life or your friend's best life. It's gonna be your best life, which is why tip three in my book is figure out your why you need to have a reason for every single thing that you're including in your life. If you're taking a supplement, you should be able to say, I'm taking this because I want this effect. I'm taking this for this reason. If you're incorporating a habit, if you're spending money on something, there should be a reason behind that. And that reason should be unique to you. It shouldn't be because I saw an influencer on Instagram do it. And if you do find out why, why is that influencer doing it? I think it's a very fair question. So knowing what you want to get out of this very short time that we have on this planet is going to be the thing that guides the big decisions we make and the little actions that we take. And I think that's so important. I have another tip in my book, which is think about your death, which I love doing because I think it's very perspective giving to zoom out and picture yourself as a 90, 100 and 150. How long are we gonna live? These. Pick your number, pick your number, let's manifest it. 150 year old person, but you're laying there at the end of your life and are you going to be sitting there and thinking, gosh, I wish I'd spent more time thinking about how my thighs looked in a bikini. Or are you going to be saying, I wish I'd spent more time laughing with my friends? Are you going to say, I wish I'd spent more time stressing about finishing that PowerPoint for work? Are you gonna say, I wish I had put down my computer and said, I can do that tomorrow. I'm gonna have a really quality conversation with my partner? Are you gonna say, I wish I'd spent more time scrolling on social media? Are you gonna say, I wish I'd connected with somebody in a real way? And these answers are gonna be different for all of us. But I think picturing that person at the end of your life can be very helpful in figuring out what those answers are for you.

So the motivation behind 100 Ways to Change your life. Cause these are things that worked for you. Like these are things in all different aspects that you layered that you started some things you let go of, some things you still do. You have a lot of different things in here, things that I want to talk about because I love them. How to have more energy, how to have more success, how to be more creative, how to uplevel your long term relationships. That's so good. So let's start. I kind of want to just dive into how to have more success because I feel like people listening to my podcast, I feel like they come here because they're either like entrepreneurs or want to be entrepreneurs or someone who wants to scale or grow. Where would you start with how to have more success?

I would start with figuring out what success means to you. Yeah, I think that we all similar to Find your why. I think will sometimes look at things like, oh, well, I want this house, I want this money, and study after study after study. And it's so hard to internalize this. But the research bears out time and time again, and the personal anecdotes bear out time and time again that just getting these things on the hedonic treadmill are not going to be the things that are going to make you happy. I get to interview, you know, incredibly successful, famous people on my show, and I'll ask them, like, some of the moments that they found a lot of struggle in their lives happen right after they've, like, won the Emmy award, won the Oscar, sold their company, because they had told themselves for years and years and years that that was gonna be the thing that finally made them happy. And then when they woke up the next day and they didn't feel happy, they were like, well, what now? How do I find happiness now if it wasn't that thing? So if you're not happy where you are, you're not going to be happy where you're going. And I think that's a really, really, really important thing to internalize about success.

So do you still set big goals for yourself?

Oh, a hundred percent, yeah. I don't think. I don't think that they need to live separately. I think that you can find happiness where you are and you can have big dreams. And in fact, the happier that you are in the moment that you're at, the more likely you are going to be to achieve those dreams. I just did this podcast with this incredible neuroscientist who studies manifestation, and he talks about how actually our nervous system, when it's a state of calm, is better able to solve problems, to make creative connections, all of these different things. So when you are in a state of happiness, calm, when you're taking care of your nervous system in the moment, you're going to be able to create the future that you want to create far better than if you're looking around and you're like, I hate my life. I'm stressed out. This is all awful.

Okay, so tell me about times in life, though, where you are, oh, my gosh, you have just had some, like, failed launches. You're in, like, a.

You're.

You're struggling. Like, it's a low point. Your reality is not reflecting back that you've had success. Or maybe let's say the people who've had success and now they're on like a little bit of a downturn. Like, how can we get back to a place of where our nervous system is like, okay, this is great, let's start here.

So I think you can go about it two ways. I think bringing back in that appreciation, that gratitude is really, really, really important. Because I want you to look around your life and at this moment and think about what you love about your life at this moment. And the appreciation element's really important. What are the values that you appreciate about yourself? Because at the end of the day, with the launch, or without the launch, with the New York Times best selling book, or without the New York Times bestselling book, you are at your core the same person. And that is so important to realize. And to realize that that person is valuable and that person is lovable. And in fact, the more you rely on these external things as validation of that value or that love, the less valuable and lovable you are going to feel. So you need to feel lovable and valuable at your core and then go from there. So in those moments, I would say work on that appreciation. What are some qualities that I really value about myself? And then I would also work from a nervous system perspective. What are some ways I can regulate my nervous system in this moment? Whether that's meditation, whether that's doing somatic exercises. Cold plunging is really nervous system regulating. Not fasting actually is really nervous system regulating. So making sure that your body's very nourished and not doing a long morning fast or something like that. Very nervous system regulating. Getting enough sleep is very nervous system regulating. Putting your hand on your heart is actually incredibly nervous system regulating. There's great research around just the simple action of putting your hand on your heart and taking a few breaths. You will regulate your nervous system.

I even feel that right now.

Yeah, it's really, really, really helpful. Holding another person, holding yourself. Very nice.

Should have held each other this whole time. Imagine the relaxing podcast you guys would have.

We can do that for.

They're like, why was this the best podcast ever? We held each other like babies.

It was fantastic. You and Chris should try it sometime.

Honestly. Honestly. So when I was going through a really tough time this last year, it was the first time I made Chris hold me all the time. I thought I was very much, like, not a super touchy feely person. I'm very much. Words of affirmation. It Was the most I've ever asked on a daily basis to be held. And it helped so much.

So I didn't used to think that I was a touchy feely person. I grew up in a side hug family, if that. And I would always kind of like tense up when people would try to hug me or hold me. And then I realized that was me not thinking I deserved to accept that love.

So interesting.

And I've started to force myself to lean in when people are hugging me or touching me in consensual ways. And. And I love it. I've completely turned. And now I'm always like, going up to my husband, going to my friends. I'm like, want to hold hands with my friends. I want. I just want to be touching all the time. And five years ago I would have been like, not, not my love language. Don't enjoy it whatsoever.

I just talked about this with some girlfriends and it was like a big moment, A big breakthrough moment for me was having this, like, verbal conversation with them. So I was with a group of friends that I want to get even closer to. And there's a couple in there that I'm very close to to. And I always observe myself wanting to, like, either play with their hair or like, touch them or hold their hand. And I hold back and I'm like, that feels like withholding love to me. And it's. I actually shared it with them. I'm like. I actually feel like I want to be a very, like, physical person, but I feel like you're gonna think that's weird.

Yeah.

And they were like, no. Oh my God. I struggle with this too. Or I feel that way too. And it feels like such a form of.

Of.

It's funny because I'll still hold back, but I'm trying to work on it with people that I feel safe with. And it's gotten me so much closer to different people. And I just noticed though, how different things, I hold back on with that. Like with us probably actually trying to regulate our nervous system and like, be close to people. Yeah. And that's one interesting.

Well, and I love what you said that you. You verbally said that to your friends. I think sometimes it can be very helpful to just say, look, I want to do this. I don't know what's blocking me to give language to it. First of all, disclosure is a really valuable source of sense making. It's one of the reasons therapy even works in the first place is because surely saying things out loud or even writing down in a journal Helps us make sense of things. But two, it takes the power out of it. I remember when I started to tell people about my panic attacks, and I was so scared that everybody would judge me. Everybody's thinking I was a loser. Everybody, like, whatever. And mostly what I heard were stories from other people about how they had gone through the same thing themselves, or they knew other people who'd gone through the same thing.

Same.

Or they just wanted to hear about my experience, and they didn't judge me for that at all. So I'm sure your friends were like, oh, you want more physical touch? Let's figure out a way to build that into our relationship.

Totally. And it's funny because looking back, I used to almost, when I was younger, especially as a teenager, it was like, oh, those girls who braid each other's hair. I always tried to be, like, tough. I don't know what that came from. Maybe it was the group I hung around. Maybe it was self preservation. Maybe all of the above. And so there's so many of these stories that we have to break. And I'm like, okay, is this weird? Can we all braid each other's hair? Trust. It's a form of therapy. Let's do it. But I love that, because verbalizing, for me was one of the first forms of, like, healing and letting it be okay and pointing out the elephant in the room. Because I think that's the first moment of some relief and understanding you're not the only person.

It removes the shame in a huge way. It just sucks the shame right out of it.

Totally. Around the right people. Around the right people, for sure.

Don't go, like, on stage to a birthday party.

Exactly.

But I also love that you talk about hair braiding, too, because I do think that bringing in those childlike things that we love can be a really healing thing, too. Like a childlike sense of play. Playing a game that's not, like a structured strategy game, but one that's a little goofier that gets you into your body. Braiding hair, doing a sleepover with your girlfriends where you watch silly movies, eat popcorn. I think that these things that we write off for ourselves as adults can be very powerful. Healing. And they're fun. That's a huge thing I like to talk about, too, is I don't want people to look at my book or look at my podcast and be like, oh, my God, healing is going to be a lot of hard work. Living my best life is going to be a lot of hard work. It's like, no, it's Actually really enjoyable because all of this should be tools in the name of living a life that feels really good to you. So if it's gonna be making you miserable in the process, that's not the goal. That's actually counter to the goals that we are trying to achieve. So everything I talk about in my podcast, in my book, all of that is like, it's fun in the moment. You're gonna feel good now and you're gonna get closer to your goals and your dreams.

So good fun is the one of the most healing things that I've experienced. I truly. There was a point where I think in the beginning of now, it was the beginning for me of like, really diving into spirituality. There was a. There was a serious moment there. I don't know if you remember it or if it was just my personal experience where I was like, oh, my gosh, I think we have to be more serious and we have to do this and we have to do Kundalini and meditation and wear this and do that. And I was very much in LA at the moment as well, so I was in a bubble. My North Star is fun. Like, it's who I've always been as a kid. It's like, I want to make people laugh when I'm speaking. I want to be teaching through jokes and through, not necessarily self deprecation, but kind of like, hey, this is all normal stuff that happens in life. And I turned that part of myself off. And it was. It was like the most lonely I had ever felt and the most inauthentic version of me that I have ever experienced. But it was important for me to experience that. And when I just went, I went totally the other way. I just like went to the screw. It went to like the total like, fuck, it's, let's have all the fun. But like, like teaching that way and I think going the complete opposite way actually helped me a lot to understand. Oh, there's this whole group of people over here who wanted to come for the ride, but it was too serious for them or it just opened up so much healing for me with the fun stuff. So I love, like incorporating that in all that we do now. It's kind of like it's very life changing. Okay, let's talk to the person right now who's like, okay, we get it, we all have anxiety. But now I have this thing in front of me, like, maybe I just got asked to do this keynote and I've never done one before and it's rocking my world. Like, I don't think I'm gonna be enough on stage. I think I'm gonna have a panic attack or I just got this opportunity that's bringing up a lot of panic. And it's a real thing, right? It takes over. I don't know about you, but when I got like my first keynote, or even still now, it can monopolize my brain. 30, 60, 90, 120 days, however far out this thing is, it can take over. So let's start talking about what that looks like. Let's use keynote, for example. I got a keynote 60 days from now. It's my first one. I'm freaking out every day.

Okay, So I have two things for you. Okay? One is. This is from Dr. Michael Gervais. It's that confidence comes from one thing and one thing alone, which is proving to yourself that you can do the thing that you believe that you want to do. It's actually building belief around yourself and then backing that up with real concrete evidence. So for you, if you have this keynote, I would say, what are other times that you've exemplified the attributes that you want to have on stage? Whether it's directly, oh, I gave a speech in front of these people and it actually went really well, or whether it's just I embodied confidence when I gave a toast at my sister's wedding, or I embodied wanting to teach people and wanting to have them learn from me in this situation, even in school, in a classroom. But just looking for these other moments in your life where you felt the way that you want to feel and you have the evidence that you can perform in that way is really, really, really helpful. And if you don't have those moments that you can pull from, although I would say if you're really looking on a quality basis, you should be able to find at least some, but manufacture some. What's some time you can stand up and give a toast? What's some time that you can speak to some of your friends? What's the time you could approach a stranger and maybe get over talking to somebody that you don't know? Manufacture some moments that you can begin to build a confidence that's based on real life examples so you know that you can trust those on a deep internal level. 2. Breath work. Breath work is the best, quickest way to regulate our nervous system in the moment. And it works better if you practice it ahead of time. So I would start. If you have a keynote in 60 days, I'd have you start doing either box breathing or a physiological sigh now and then when you rely on it right before you go on stage, you're gonna feel a lot more confident because your brain will have that muscle memory and you'll begin to, to instantly calm your nervous system.

Love both of those. Use both of those frequently. Thinking of some anxious things as well. Like, let's just go one step further so when we have this. Because this is totally me, right? Like I've lived this for so many years. Like, let's use the keynote example again. So, yes, I find those moments like I have proof that I've done it, but the stakes are higher. Like, okay, this is in front of 5,000 people. I know I can do this in a small amount, but my body feels like it's viscerally having this feeling in the moment. I don't have proof that I won't pass out on stage. That's actually been a true fear of mine for years and years. Like, I feel I trust my ability, I trust all the things I don't trust. My body.

Yeah.

To not pass out.

Has it ever?

No.

Okay, so I would go for that to the first time I went on tv. I talked to the producer before and I was like, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna throw up. And she's like, I don't think you're gonna. And I was like, okay, but if I did throw up and it was live TV and I was like, if I did throw up, would you be mad at me? Like, what would happen? And she was like, honestly, it'd be the best thing that ever happened on the show because the clip would go viral, your book would probably sell out, everybody'd be watching it. And I was like, oh, that's good.

Maybe I should throw up.

Maybe I should throw up. Maybe I should try to throw up. But honestly, it's. I didn't throw up, I did great. And we all often will do so much better than we think we're going to do in our heads. But even in those worst case scenarios, I do try to ask myself, well, like what would really happen? You know, if you passed out on stage? Probably people would be like, oh my gosh, is she okay? And then they come get you. And then at the end of the conference, people would be like, I was loving your speech. Are you okay when you passed out on stage? You know what I mean? Like, the things that we view in our head as catastrophic are very rarely catastrophic. And the people that we view is going to judge us or typically quite kind.

Yes, absolutely. I definitely have to go to worst case scenario and be like, okay, well, it'd be a great conversation piece. It would be this or that. So that's the only thing that's helped me through. So, you guys, I hope that this has helped you so much. So you've got this incredible book, 100 Ways to Change your life. You've also got these great cards, which I'm just gonna. We're gonna grab one here, you guys, Right? Yep. We're gonna help you together. Oh, we're gonna grab love. Because I don't know if we touched on that. Okay, let's see.

I'm in a 16 year relationship.

Okay. Yes. I'm in a very long relationship.

Yeah. How long have you and Chris been together?

We've been together 22 years ago. We were married, like 19.

You went for that, too. He didn't propose till like nine years then, which we had issues with at the time, but.

Okay.

But I.

Now you're good. You're on the other side now.

I wish. Now I wish we had gotten married later, but at the time, I used to get drunk and be like, why don't you want to marry me?

Because that's what. That's the whole thing.

That's a podcast.

I've got girlfriends right now, all on this train.

But I will say, I wish I'd gotten engaged later. Like, concretely, I wish I'd been more of an adult. I wish I had had a wedding that better represented my friends now, my style, now, all those things. So if you're out there and you're still getting drunk and crying and be like, why aren't I engaged? Think about maybe some of the pros of having it happen later.

I got married young. And I will say the thing that made me feel better about that, that maybe, maybe you could do this.

I don't know.

We had a 10 year.

We're gonna do it.

That was better. It was like I pretended that was my wedding.

Yeah.

I had all the people who I was close to in my life, so now I don't even really think about my wedding or have regrets.

Okay. That's so good to hear. This has been a gold mine, but I've never met somebody who, like, did it. Okay.

It was the most magical night I think I've ever had in my life.

Yeah.

I want to cry for you. I think it's going to be really beautiful.

Yeah.

But release all expectations.

Okay.

Because I didn't have expectations going into it.

Did you, like, wear the full dress? Stress and all that, though?

No, because my husband freaking surprised me. I didn't even know I was having it. But it turned out to be the most amazing. It was all my closest friends. He had the people who he knew would like, oh, my God. Just my.

That is ballsy move.

It was ballsy because also. Okay, real quick. Coming from the religion I came from. He had my parents there, and I was wearing, like, the sexiest dress, and I was so uncomfortable, and I let it go. Like, it actually made me go. This is my opportunity to relive my wedding. And I did.

Wow.

It was really interesting. Thank God for personal development around that time, because otherwise, I think I would have been like, I wanted to wear the white dress, but now I'm coming up on my 20th, I'm wearing the dress.

Oh, my gosh. So you're gonna do every time that makes sense for you guys, too, because you're such good, like, event throwers, too.

Oh, we love it. And also, like, you do get those different people in your life that I really want to celebrate with.

And, like, and I kind of want to hear different. This is so Leo of me. But, like, I want to hear different people's toast. For me, like, I do, too want to hear what, like, my best friend now would say to celebrate mine and Zach's love.

Yes. I have new best friends the last 10 years.

Yeah.

So I'm like, same.

And I was like. And I'm such a person. Like, any friend who has a birthday, I'm like, let's all go around the room and say one thing we love about them. Like, I love that. Which is why.

Yes. She's got these question cards, which is why. Which is this interview. Definitely. I was like, wow, the similarities.

I've.

Is it bad to say I've really enjoyed talking to someone who, like, reminds you of yourself?

No. No. I think we.

Okay, I'm gonna ask you this question. So this is one of her cards from Healthier Together, the deck. These are conversations for creating your healthiest, happiest life. And this one is on love. What's your favorite thing about being in a relationship? What's your least favorite thing about being in a relationship?

Ooh. Okay, so my favorite thing, hands down, is having somebody to process the world with. That was instantly why my husband and I fell in love. We stayed up all night talking the first night that we met, among other things. And I always say, you can sleep with a guy on the first date and you can marry him.

There you go.

Proof positive.

Guys, go out and find him tonight.

But we did talk so much, and just having somebody that I can process the world with. He's the first person I call with anything. I love the way that his mind works, and it's just crazy to me that I get access to this whole other mind and this whole other way of viewing things.

Such a beautiful mind.

So I love that. Worst thing. He probably makes me clean more than I would otherwise, but I like that, too. Like, I like a clean house. I just don't like to clean. And he does clean more than me, so I get a net cleaner house than if I was by myself.

Got it.

I'd say I find it a little bit hard to sleep in a bed with another human. Like, I get nervous about waking them up when I'm tossing and turning and stuff like that. And so maybe that I've found. I want to do a podcast about sleep divorce because I think it's really interesting, and I think there's still a lot of shame around sleeping in different beds. Interesting. But I'll talk to my girlfriends about it. And one of the biggest challenges a lot of people have in their relationships is sleep schedules. Sleeping in the same bed as their partner. He goes to bed early, she goes to bed early. All these things. And so I'd say that's maybe the hardest thing is my sleep score's slightly lower when the oura ring. Yeah. When we're in the same place, but not enough to make a. He's the only person I can, like, comfortably sleep in bed.

Okay.

Next to.

That's so great.

What would that answer.

What would my answer be? I mean, the best thing is everything you said. I get to do this life with a human that. You know, Chris and I have this phrase we always say that's been around forever, but we've adopted it is. It's like, nothing feels good until it's shared, and it's the truth. Like, whenever something good happens, you're like, yay. I'm really, like, happy about this. But the first thing you want to do is share it with the person you love, and then it, like, really, you're. It becomes a celebration in that moment. And I just. He makes me do so many things that I wouldn't normally do. He teaches me things I would never. Perspective is, like, profoundly amazing, and it's really, really helped me become the person that I want to be in the world. Yeah. He's just the best. Oh, I just want to cry. He's just literally incredible. The best human. We've been through a lot. Like, what's the worst? The worst. The worst is, like, when You. When you're struggling with yourself, it can be tough to, like, have somebody not let you sit in that for too long.

Oh, that's a great answer. Zach does that too. He. He. Having somebody who's known you so well for so long, who can really challenge when you say things is uncomfortable.

Totally.

And so valuable.

So valuable. And I can, like, you can actually have these very visceral moments of, like, the person you love the most can be the person that you. You feel like you hate the most in that moment, even though, of course, you have that deep love and that foundation, I think because you can go so deep into love that when they reflect something back to you, you can feel so naked and ashamed or like, it's like two very completely opposite emotions can be held with that person. So that's. That's a challenge when you. When you go there, but also beautiful to know, like, we're in this. Like, Chris and I were just committed to each other. So it's like, how long do you want to argue for and how long do you want to feel this feeling? Because at the end of the day, we're just staying together. Like, we're gonna work through it exactly. So well. I have loved this podcast so much. I could talk to you another couple hours. So thank. Thank the Lord. You guys, go grab the cards. I mean, just that one question. I'm like, how juicy. We could talk on that.

A whole podcast. Me all the time. And they're like, we got through, like, three cards tonight because so many conversations.

I'm gonna use this at all my girlfriend get togethers.

I have a raunchier together one too, which is great. Oh, let's do that. It's, like, for bachelorettes and stuff like that.

Okay, great.

We'll start with the other deck. We'll warm em up, and then we'll move to that. And then 100 ways to change your life. You guys go and grab the book. I'm so grateful for you. Anything else you want to add before we go?

No, just come listen to Lori. She's gonna be on the Liz Moody podcast. I'm gonna have you spill all of your secret tips to creating the life that you've created now. And thank you so much for this conversation.

Okay, guys, thank you so much. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.