Stop Chasing Balance (Build Routines That Actually Support Your Success)

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I actually think that holding on to an idea of balance, like it's just gonna feel good, it's one of the things that makes us the most unhappy. Like when I go look at other people and I'm like, oh my gosh, it seems like they just have it all together and they're so balanced, it makes me feel really shitty. And so I want to tell you guys, like, we came on to literally tell you it's not that way at all. If you lead a life where you care about people and you care about your business, you're probably gonna always feel a bit unbalanced.

And we're back with another episode of He Said, She Said. All right, so we're going to talk about a question that we were asked in our MCM Mastermind, the Mentor Collective Mastermind. And the reason why we're gonna ask about it is a lot, like when we answered the question, everybody was like, whoa, like blown up comments. Like, I'm so glad you shared this. I'm so glad that you answered honestly. Oh my God, I feel normalized. Oh my God. Blah, blah, blah. Right? So here was the question that we were asked, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, in our Mentor Collective Mastermind on Tuesdays, you can ask Lori and I live questions about your business. And so we never know what we're getting. Well, this person had asked, I'm in a season where I feel completely crazy and out of balance, and I look around at other people and it looks like they have their shit together. How do you guys, with all the businesses that you are running and everything that you're doing, seem to keep your shit together? And our answer shocked them. We said, oh, it's not.

We do not have our shit together.

It is not balanced. We don't have our shit together. We're putting out one fire just because it's bigger than the other fire. So put out the bigger ones first. Like, I think it's important for people with big dreams and for high achievers and for ambitious people to understand what you think somebody else's life looks like is nothing what it actually is.

I think one of the things that you and I have done really well that have helped with maybe what people would say or think is balance is We have gotten really dialed in with our habits.

Yep.

And so when people say, how do you keep the balance? I would say that balance for us is always that there is a version of our health and our habits in place, and we always have a version, which often changes, of our date nights and the time that we get to spend together. And so when I think of balance in our life, I think of those things that are really important to us.

It's our walks.

It's our time with family, and it's our health. And I would say that because we do have such locked-in routines that, that shift— like, we're willing to shift them. There are some days that we have a workout plan and we don't get it in. There are some times that we would love a date night that week and we're not able to get a date night. But I would say, for how we live our life, week to week, we do have a lot of balance in regard to our rituals and our habits. Now, the way that work life can look sometimes— and when I say that, I'm thinking of the times that we travel and I completely can get out of whack and don't work out and don't eat well and feel like I don't see you. But I feel like we have now a routine where we slip back in, and that gives us a semblance of balance. But I would say from day to day when you do a lot of different things, especially when you have two startups in the house. We never know what's gonna hit us that day. We never know how long we're gonna be working. We just know that we're gonna try to make things work and fit into the day.

Well, and there's things that have become, like you said, default habits that will happen first beyond everything else, almost no matter what. And I'm gonna put you on the spot here. Can you name two or three default habits or routines or things that seem to happen even when we're out of bounds?

No matter what, a dog walk, whether it's in the morning or whether it's in the evening. For us, it's been the evening right now because we have been really busy. So our morning dog walk that we used to do every single day where we would do the Power 9, which is the 3 gratitudes, 3 excited abouts, 3 things we're manifesting, a lot of that has shifted into the evening, into 3 wins and an evening walk. So I would say an evening walk. You and I have been great about getting minimum 2 to 3 lifts in per week. And I would say praying every single night.

Yep. Well, actually, out loud in bed together, we take turns. I'm like, it's your turn tonight. You're like, no, it's not. It's your turn tonight.

We both like—

and then I look at her, I go, how would God feel? I know I'm gonna defer your turn right now.

God can hear you saying you don't want to pray right now.

I'm like, goddamn it.

I love that your response to that is goddamn it. You know, if you ask me that question back, what are the few things that over time I've built up as such defaults that they happen even in the most unbalanced of times? It is a significant moving of my body, whether it's lifting, whether it is an extreme cardio walk, whether it is playing pickleball. I move my body vigorously every single day, no matter what. I'm on a roll.

You and I do not do well not moving.

Nope. Nope.

We get crabby. We can't deal with our stress. We're not, we're not the same people.

Yep. So that, that's one first and foremost. Uh, two, the, the praying for sure. Every single day, no matter what. It's just like a default, like no matter what you can fit it in. And the third one for me is probably positive propaganda. I am so good, and actually I gotta say you are too, cuz every single morning they look over, you're reading. I am so good at every single day listening to a book. Or a podcast or an education on something, whether it is while I'm working out, while I'm walking, while I'm driving somewhere, while I'm in a waiting room somewhere, I really use the nooks and crannies of my day to fill my brain up with things that support how I wanna see the world, what I wanna believe is possible, or how I can get there. And I just, I can't imagine life without moving my body. Without having someone to pray to and without reinforcing everything that I want to believe about the world with positive propaganda that it can happen.

I actually think that holding on to an idea of balance, like it's just gonna feel good, it's one of the things that makes us the most unhappy. Like when I go look at other people and I'm like, oh my gosh, it seems like they just have it all together and they're so balanced, it makes me feel really shitty. And so I want to tell you guys, like, we came on to literally tell you it's not that way at all. I don't know what I'm waking up to most days, and sometimes I think I'm gonna have like a very nice balanced day, or like, oh, I know what I'm doing, and things in my calendar get completely wiped out, shifted around, because something else has taken the most important spot, and it's something that I don't want to be doing. And so that's what happens when you run a business, when you have a family, when you have people you have to look after, when you have animals, when you have friends that you care for. Like, something is always fighting for the most important spot. So balance is a freaking myth. Like, it— I, I don't think it exists. I think balance within your routines and rituals can exist, but if you lead a life where you care about people and you care about your business, you're probably gonna always feel a bit unbalanced.

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You know, I'm gonna add to that too, cuz the old adage, like careful what you look up to or who you look up to and like careful what you believe is truth. We have the privilege of having lots of high-performing friends, some that are big and shiny that you know, and some that you'll never know, but they're the shiniest and biggest of them all. And I will tell you, I can't name one that is balanced. I can't name one that has a life as good as what you think it is. And we as humans, I think we have this tendency to appraise other people's lives as better than what we appraise our own and then is factual.

Mm-hmm.

So I tell you, like all the people that you look up to and say, oh, they've gotta figure it out because we're friends with them or because we coach them or because we're behind the scenes, I will tell you No, they don't. Every single day they have fires that they're putting out that you're just not privy to. Every single day they have mental battles that they're battling that you're just not privy to. Every single day they have financial challenges that you're just not privy to. It just has more zeros on it. I'm telling you, give yourself more grace. Stop thinking it's supposed to feel better. Stop thinking it's supposed to look better. Roll up your sleeves and decide that you are going to fight the fight every single day on the way to your absolute dream life. I'm— I know somebody who has hundreds of millions of dollars, okay? And they're tired because they're like, I had no idea that having this much money would be more than a full-time job. I'm protecting people from taking my money. I'm protecting myself from taking bad opportunities. I can't escape people trying to get me to invest in this, invest in that, and having to analyze things. You can't just hand your financial management over to somebody like you think you can and be like, oh good, they're taking care of it. No. So why do I share that example? Because there's never a moment that you're quote unquote there. And sorry if I'm like busting your bubble, I just want you to know reality so that you can feel better about where you are and what it takes to get where you want to go. You're never quote unquote there. You're never quote unquote done, and you're never quote unquote fully happy with what you've done or what you're doing. There will always be a list of things to do that you don't feel like doing. There will always be less time than you wish that you had. There will always be sacrifices that you wish you didn't have to make. In other words, something has to slip in order for something else to be good. And when you understand the real reality of what it takes to be a high performer with big, great big dreams, a lot of success, great big goals, When you understand the real playing field, then you stop feeling badly and you say, all right, time to suit up cuz we're all facing the same challenges.

You guys, we're so grateful for you and every single week that you tune in. And if you guys are interested, we are taking groups of 10 into Mentor Collective Mastermind. And so the reason we can—

at a time, no more.

The only reason we can take groups of 10 is because we have coaches in there that we pay in order to be able to coach you in so many different arenas. We have a attorney. We have an AI coach that is literally mind-blowing.

We have coach, a podcast coach, a social media coach, marketing sales coach, marketing coach. We put them all on salary so that you don't have to pay for them.

And so in order to make sure the program works the way that it does, which is to get insanely amazing results and to feel like you have this team of people, especially if you are a solopreneur or a small team, All of a sudden you get to come into this community where you have what feels like this incredible team to be able to tap into frequently.

So in order to do that, we can only take 10 at a time. You guys, we are doing that again right now.

So you can go to loriharder.com/mentor or just scroll down into the show notes and we'll both have the links there.

All right guys, thanks for listening. We love and appreciate you.

We'll see you next week.

Bye everyone.