The #1 Reason You’re Not Achieving Your Goals (And How To Fix It)

That's the difference between the interested and the committed is that we do the thing that makes us so scared that we won't turn back. We won't let ourselves off the hook. We won't let ourselves out of it because we have committed so deeply that we know we've tied ourselves to the thing that would hurt us more than anything. Like, for me, it's disappointing people. And we're back with another episode of Heck Said, she Said.

So what's going on, babe? What's new with you?

You know, I was just talking about how we've gotten so much better at not arguing so much during these.

That's what's new with you. That's what's new with you. We do a better job not arguing when we have to do these. Why do we argue when we have to do these?

Well, in the beginning, I think it's just us working together and our communication style. And you guys, I would be talking, like, answering a question that he asked during this, and he'd be giving me the hand like, you're so long winded. Hurry up. And I'm like. I'm like, literally gonna kill you. So then I lose my thought process and end up pausing, starting over. Then we argue for a while, and then we usually end up doing it the next day.

Well, at least people understand what it really looks like.

That's why I think everybody talks to us, and they're like, oh, my God, you're so lucky you work together so well. I'm like, that is so sweet that you think that. And now we do, because we've had so many conversations about it, and like, hey, we're never gonna be able to do this unless this happens. And then same with you. Like, hey, this irritates me when this happens or what? So much communication.

It's interesting. I went to dinner last night with my mom and Tracy o'. Malley. If you guys don't know who Tracy o' Malley is, she is an enneagram expert. And I found out I'm a seven. And one of the things with a seven is I want lots of choice, lots of freedom, and I want to move through things really quickly. So I see this manifest everywhere in my life, especially when we're on a podcast. Like, if. If it's just me on the podcast, I'm great because I feel like I'm making fast progress. I'm talking about what I want to talk about, and it's just me. When it's you and me, I think some of the like, oh, my God, let's go. That's a long answer comes from. We're built differently. I'm like, let's do a bunch of quick hits and then you analyze things out loud.

And I want to share a story with it so people can find themselves in the example. But I think that's the magic of our show is it's going to appease multiple brains and also let people see how couples work together.

I don't know if there's magic in our show.

There's plenty of magic. There is. That's what I'm. I'm sorry. I just. I tell myself a story and I stick to it, and that's how my life works.

I love it. All right, what are we talking about today?

What are we talking about today? Chris? This was your topic.

You know what I just remembered? I just remembered you guys.

He handed it off to me and then made this surprise look like, oh, shit, sorry. Go for it. This is your day.

So it was interesting the other day, and I wish I could tell you who posted it or whatever, but it was basically something like this. When it comes to your goals, if you're interested, you'll do it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll keep going. When it's not.

Yes.

And I don't know why that struck a chord with me, because I keep going on everything.

Yep.

But nonetheless, I just thought that's the most simple, basic, yet profound way to figure out why you may not be hitting your goals or why you may not be consistent with something. It really just comes down to, are you interested? Which can be really convincing. Like, interested is a pretty powerful feeling. I'm highly interested. But interested isn't enough. You have to be committed. And if you're committed, then it keeps going.

Okay, so I have heard this quote for years. It's incredible because. So here's the difference. You guys are all interested, we're interested. Chris and I are interested. That's how your goals start. You're interested. Right. And the level of interest is up to you. To be like, okay, is this something I would be interested in a year, in five years? What does my day to day look like? And the difference between people who reach it and don't reach it is they take interested to a new level by committing by doing committal actions. So what does that mean, you guys? I've been talking about this all of the time. I've been traveling around for almost a year and a half now, talking about something I call the go for it formula. And this is step four in the go for it formula. It is put pressure behind your goals.

Love it.

And it takes you from being interested into committed, or you'll never move out of interested. And so if there's something right now that you're like, man, this keeps piquing my curiosity, man, I'm following all these people who are doing this. Man, I'm reading all these books on this, and I love it. Well, then, in order to move into committed, you have to do some big actions that make you committed. And essentially, this is gonna feel crazy at first because you are almost putting yourself in golden handcuffs around your goal, Meaning you are going to need to put money down. You're going to need to find some mentors and tell them what you want to do. You're going to need to put the date in your calendar. You're going to need to do things that tie you to that goal that you essentially can't get out of without some form of pain or some sort of ding that is really going to hurt you in the future. Or guess what's gonna happen. And some you're not gonna do it, but some of you might be like, oh, my God, that's too scary for me. Exactly. That's the difference between the interested and the committed is that we do the thing that makes us so scared that we won't turn back. We won't let ourselves off the hook, we won't let ourselves out of it because we have committed so deeply that we know we've tied ourselves to the thing that would hurt us more than anything. Like, for me, it's disappointing people. So when I take myself from interested to committed, I do something that ties myself so deeply to the commitment that I'm like, oh, my God, I would have to let all of these people down. I would have to lose all of this money. Oh, my gosh. I would have to go back on everything I've been saying on the podcast and on social media. And so that's how you're going to move from one to the other. And I. Chris, I see you do this all the time.

It's interesting. You said yours is letting people down. That's your fear that they'll keep you committed.

Yes.

I think mine's different, but similar. I think mine is. I don't want to create pain for people. So, like, let's say I've created jobs. Come hell or high water, those jobs are going to stay there because I don't want to create pain for people. That was of my creation. Hey, guys. Come work over here. You got a job, and then, you know, a couple years later or six months later, whatever. Oh, never mind. We're switching projects. We don't need that job anymore. That's just one silly example of when I invite other people in to any kind of project. That's the piece. That's that. Would you call it a committal move that makes me stick to that project even when interest is waning. Oh, boy. I just realized interest comes and goes, but commitment doesn't.

Right? Interest comes and goes, but it's the actions that you have put in place that make you show up. And those actions are in your calendar. So we always tell people, I could literally look at your calendar. You could tell me everything you want to do. I could look at your calendar and I will put money down. I will bet on the fact that if it's not in your calendar, you.

Will not do it.

I would put so much money down and say, I will lose all of this money that you will not reach this goal if it is not in your calendar. If I can't tell exactly what you're doing every single week.

Wow. I can look at your calendar and tell if you are interested or if.

You are committed and who you're hanging out with. I can look at your weekend plans and say, expand on that.

What do you mean?

Your next week is not going to be that great? So.

Because people shouldn't have to work weekends just because they're committed.

No, absolutely not. And you and I were talking yesterday about sometimes these big goals happen in extreme situations. So, yes, you're going to have to put some weekends in if you're going from 0 to 100.

So if somebody is building their rocket ship and trying to get it off the ground.

Right. But even I guess what I was saying with that is I can tell by who you're hanging out with if you'll reach that goal as well and how frequently. It doesn't mean you have to change all of your friends, but if you are seeing people every single week who don't have the same type of goal as you, who don't actually like that you have this goal because you're too busy, who don't believe that this is possible for you or them, then eventually they're going to start wearing on you. So it's really important to make sure you also have those touch points of people every week or every other week in the form of a phone call or in the form of a coffee date or in the form of a dinner that these People are gonna breathe life back into your goal because I'll tell you that when you're moving forward on a goal that you have not done before and it feels hard, you're going to lose energy around it. And so you need energizers. So not only do you need the action in your calendar, but you need the appointments with energizers and expanders to kind of recharge you and plug back in on this goal because it is tiring. You're always going to feel like a beginner and that's exhausting.

It's interesting to what you're just saying. I call them accidental sabotagers. So, you know, you use the example. They don't like that you're being ambitious. They don't like that you're not fun anymore. Subconsciously, and sometimes it's outwardly, most of the time it's subconsciously. They don't even know that they don't like it. They just know something's changed and they'll tease you a little bit or give you a hard time or their accidental sabotage. They don't wake up in the morning and say, I'm going to make sure Lori doesn't succeed in her new company. They don't say that they do wake up and they're self preservationists. So they wake up and they say, I've had a long week, I need to make sure I have fun this weekend. And I'm not going to let Lori, her decision not to go out to dinner, you know, ruin my chance to have fun. So I'm going to make sure I, I pressure her into going to dinner. Right?

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Mind and found out I found out I was an enneagram three, not a seven.

Yep. So we thought I was a three and that you're a seven. Yeah, but it turns out I'm a seven. You're a three.

We'll have to do a podcast on exactly what that is so people can kind of know and read through them, which would be so much fun. Or I'll have Tracy back on.

Well, let's have Tracy on with us together.

Oh, that'd be fun.

And that way she can moderate a, you know, here's how you are, here's how you behave, and then we can bicker about it.

That will be so great. All right, you guys. So, Chris, what's new with you? You have something big that just happened in the last week.

We opened up our seed round for Frello. You guys, if you know, I'm building that peer to peer lending app, which is literally one of the most disruptive things in fintech ever. And every single person who hears about it, they freaking love it, love it, love it, love it, love it. And you know, we've got the best team ever assembled. We've already done a pre seed round that we, you know, funded ourselves. And now we're opening up a seed round for strategic investors. So if you guys want to learn what a strategic investor is and if you're interested in possibly being a part of this thing, all you have to do is go to Frello app. That's F R E l l o app freloapp.com invest and check it out, see if it's something you want to be a part of.

You know what? I either have to have you on for the story because I don't think you're going to tell it right now because it's so. It's pretty long and heartfelt, like it will make you cry. It makes me cry every single time I hear it. It's insane of where this app came from. So I either need to do an interview with you or we have to do it on what she said. She said.

So let's do it.

Great.

We've got lots of plans. We'll do enneagram. We'll talk about that. It's gonna be so much fun. Okay, guys, we're excited. It's actually Friday right now.

Friday morning.

We've got Easter coming up. The dogs have already been in the pool and run in the house and destroyed everything already this morning. So great. Is prepping us for children.

I was gonna say, if this is how messy the house gets this quickly with just the dogs and you and I. What's gonna happen? We have freaking kids.

This has already helped me. I used to be so uptight. Like, it was so bad. I used to yell at Chris because he was walking on my vacuum lines. I've come a long way.

You have to admit. Is that in your Enneagram somewhere?

I don't know.

We'll have to ask Tracy. All right, guys, thanks for listening. Always love and appreciate you.

So grateful for you.

We'll see you next week, Sam.