The 3 Container Rule for High-Performing Women

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I only felt okay when everything was okay. When my partner felt okay. When money was going good. When business was going good. If the business is calm, I felt calm. If something breaks, my whole freaking nervous system in life feels like it's breaking down around me. But here's the problem. In business and life, things are never all okay at once. And if you live like this, it's going to ruin your life. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Earn your Happy podcast.

It's time for another quickie because there's.

Always time to fit an inspiration. There's a topic that I'm really excited to talk about today and that is do you only feel okay when things are okay? Are your moods dependent upon your circumstances? If you have a business, if you have anything outside of your own life that you have to focus on, literally, you are going to be rocked every single day if your happiness is circumstance dependent. Because as we know, especially if you have a business or you have to operate a lot in relationships, maybe you have a very relationship intensive business or life. Especially if you have children. I know that we are thrown into so many different groups of people that we don't get to choose or a large work environment or a large business or network marketing company or whatever it is that you are in. And I will tell you that there are far too many circumstances that happen every single day that will absolutely rock you out of a good mood immediately from the second you wake up. And I am not even adding in the fact that you pick up your phone and it will completely tell you what to think, what to be worrying about and it will take away all of your joy, whether it is from something crazy happening in the world, something that someone wrote about you, or just something that makes you feel bad because you are in massive comparison of yourself against other people. So this is for the ambitious woman who notices that they really only feel okay when things are okay, when things are in their control. So I realized something uncomfortable about myself a while ago, and it is that I only felt okay when everything was okay, when my partner felt okay, when money was going good, when business was going good. If the business is calm, I felt calm. If something breaks, my whole freaking nervous system in life feels like it's breaking down around me. But here's the problem. In business and life, things are never all okay at once. And if you live like this, it's going to ruin your life. So here's the reality of leadership. There is always something on fire. Always. At any given time. I have a email that is really upsetting, or a customer service complaint, an inconsolable person, or a lawsuit against something that is absolute shenanigans. There are a team that perhaps is not working well together. Maybe I have to let somebody go. There are decisions that need to be made. Extremely challenging, hard, difficult decisions that maybe you can't even discuss with a lot of people. There is money that's being made or being lost. There are calm seasons and there are chaotic seasons. And I will tell you, no matter what, even in the calm seasons, the fires are constant. So the skill isn't stopping the fires. That's not what this podcast is, because you never will. And if you're an entrepreneur, you actually want the fires because you get paid upon how many fires you're able to put out, meaning how many problems that you are able to solve. If you solve big problems for people, you will be paid big. If you solve little problems for people, you will be paid very little. So when you look at the fires, you have to realize that they are important because they are helping you create solutions. They are helping you create solutions. It's just learning which ones you need to put out first and which ones don't require you now and which ones are going to require you later. So I want to tell you, though, about the pattern that ambitious women fall into that is going to be so just dangerous and horrible for your health and your life. And you may never be able to truly find that place where you can have that inner calm or peace or where like, my God, is this what life is like? Is it just one disaster to another or one Nervous system overload, like, just completely overtaking you to another. Like, that is no way to live. So the pit that people fall into, especially women, is reacting to every problem like it's urgent. You're living in a constant stress response. It's like constant fight or flight. And this is like no way to live because, number one, it crushes your creativity. And especially if you are a creative, like, this fully puts you in your masculine. And you're not going to be able to get that feminine flowy creative time, whether you're a male or female, because you are in a constant state of reaction. And so you need to know the truth is that if you react to every fire, you're gonna freaking burn up with them. Like, you're gonna burn out so fast, fast that you're going to wonder what is wrong with you and how you lost yourself. And you lost yourself because you paid too much attention to things that were not ever meant for you. So the boundary that most women never learn, this is going to change your life. The boundary that most women never learn is that other people's drama is not. Your emergency urgency is often emotional, but it's not real. Leaders don't react to chaos immediately. They sort it out. They look what compartment it needs to go into, when it needs to be paid attention to, when it needs more time, when it needs more thought, and then they respond to it. So the shift that's going to change everything for you that I want to leave you guys with, this is the important piece of this podcast that if you can remember when this is happening, I want you to remember these three containers. I want to give you these three containers because you can't carry everything, so you're going to have to assign it to one of them. And the most successful people that I have ever interviewed, you guys know that I have had this podcast now for almost 10 years. Most people don't even know who I've interviewed because it's been 10 years of interviews of some of the most successful authors, leaders, like the most insane people that I'm like, I actually can't even believe I've been able to interview these people. We have Tony Robbins, we have Seth Godin, we have Joe Dispenza, we have Lauren Bostic. We have all of these people who are crushing it out in the world that I've gotten to sit with and learn a lot from. And let me tell you, this is a huge thing that I learned from them is that you can't carry everything. You have to assign it to a Container. Your three containers are we have the now container, we have the later container, and we have the not for you container. So now, later, not for you. As something is happening, as a fire is coming to you, you have to look at this and say, is this now? Is this truly time sensitive? Is there a real consequence if this is ignored? Does this actually move the needle if I pay attention to it now? Or is this pulling me away from moving the needle of making money or helping someone that ultimately for the business, this is what we need to be focused on. Because money and moving the needle solves more problems than paying attention to this problem right now. Then you need to go to the later. Does it feel urgent but it isn't right? Nothing bad happens if it waits. And also it can require more time. So if you're like, nothing bad happens if it waits. And I don't have the right answer yet. And this doesn't feel good for me to react because I feel like I'm going to make the wrong judgment. I feel very emotional right now. Okay, here's where layer is really important. Do you feel extremely emotional about the topic where you're about to write an email, you're about to pull someone into your office, or you're about to go talk to your boss, or you're about to call someone and bitch them out on the phone? This means this is a later fire. This means that you need to give it some time. Let the tidal wave of emotion and all of that chemical cocktail that comes up when you are pissed off or you feel like something's unfair or wrong or injust. And you need to take a second and you need to give it time to clear your thoughts and say, what is the most powerful decision I can make here? Because even though it might feel better to really react and freak the out on someone, trust me, I get it. You're about to tell them what you think. You're about to tell them why they're wrong. You're about to tell them all the things it's actually not the most powerful place to be. The most emotional response is the least powerful place to be. You want to get to a neutral place in your response in order to get your power back and really look at the grand landscape of everything. Put yourself in their shoes and know what direction they could go after you react. You're going to get such a better outcome. Trust me. You want to know how I've been in business for this song and have a great reputation? It's because I understand this later portion. It's because I have not flown off the handle. I haven't burned bridges. I've taken a very calm response to everything after learning through the years of what this looks like, what this feels like, and what the most successful people do. If you are lashing out and burning bridges, trust me, you will not grow your business past a certain level. And your reputation, whether you realize it or not, has gotten around. There are so many people who I'm like, oh, God. I'll never refer them because I know they're so reactive that I wouldn't trust them with anyone in my network. Like, you'll never know who you are, but just know that this is exactly what's happening in the background. It's like, no, I'm not gonna open up my network for that person because I just don't know how they're gonna respond to people. Like, they are a wild card. And when you don't have later dialed in, you're wild card and people talk about you and they know it. So we don't want that. We want you to understand what's now. We want you to understand what's later. It needs more time.

I talk about the importance of sleep and reaching your goals all the time on this podcast, but I also know that you're probably wound pretty tight like I am, and you might have trouble transitioning from your daytime to your nighttime. So I added something that I absolutely love.

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Hiring do it the right way with Indeed now, the not for you compartment. Let's talk about it. This is someone else's drama. This is someone else's responsibility. This is a distraction. This is something that could solve itself. This is something that doesn't require you. This is something that even if you gave it your attention, it would not change. This is something that in your life, it doesn't mean something huge to you, even if it means something huge to someone else. And you know that your energy and efforts are going to be actions actually put to better use in a better arena. Not every single thing is meant for every single person. It's kind of like when I think about when people talk about charities, like, if you went and decided to be an advocate for every single thing out there, how many needles would you move in that charity? Probably hardly any at all, because you'd hardly be putting anything toward it. Your efforts wouldn't really be putting toward it. But if you took one, if you were so passionate about helping animals, right? You could put all your time, all your effort, get your community involved, all of your money. You could advocate and go around and get people interested and excited. You could talk about it on your podcast. You could talk about it on your page. You could talk about it on your social. So people know that is the person to go to and they're making waves in that arena. And so the world is all split up, that we are passionate about different things and that we are meant to stand for different things. And so the not for you is a really important thing too, because energetically, the more that you spread your energy around to things, sometimes it doesn't help. And oftentimes when I do this, I actually feel so downtrodden and so, like, downtrodden, sorry. And so, like, misaligned and so tired and exhausted. And I actually feel beat down that I don't do anything and I don't do any good in the world. So what I want you to think about is when is it not for you and what is for you, right? What is not your responsibility? Like, if I have someone in my life who is absolutely having a meltdown in one of their relationships and it's very dramatic, like, I'm not necessarily going to step in there, if I can see that, what I say, if I can help them a little bit and they're not taking the advice. Like, if I can tell, they're not going to take that advice, or maybe I've already given them advice. I'm not going to go back again and try to help them again when they're clearly not willing to be open and take the advice. Like, that's not for me. I'm gonna let them go fight their own fight. If there's something online that I'm like, oh, that's literally not my drama. Like, I don't have energy for that. I have too many. I have too big a fish to fry. I have this company I have to look out for that has employees. I have my family. Who needs this cash over here? You know, my mom and dad need help over here. There's an emergency over here. Guess what? That online drama that someone's trying to rope me into, not for me. It's going to drain all of my energy, and it's going to take away from the things that I have energy to solve. So you don't need to care more about everything, Right. You actually need to care less in order to care more about the things that you have control over that you can actually move the needle on and make progress. So it's kind of a crazy thought that you actually have to care less about a lot in order to care a lot about a little. Right? In order to care a lot about a little. Because caring a lot about a little makes a really big difference. It's not the other way around. And the most successful people in the world, they protect their energy. And how you do it is through this now, later, not for you filter that you're going to run everything through. So, you guys, I'm so grateful for you. I would absolutely love to work with you in our mentor collective mastermind. All you have to do is DM me the word mentor or you can also DM me questions. We have such an incredible group in there. I coach in there twice a month.

We know your name.

We know your face. We have the most amazing coaches. It is answers on demand, people. I literally got a message from a woman today that said this program and the coaches have made such a difference in her life in the few short months that she's been in there, that she has made the most money she has ever made because of how she's using this container with all of the coaches for every single arena or every single avenue in her business. So, you guys, I'm so grateful for you. Go check it out. I would love to work with you. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.