The Conversation You're Avoiding Is The Thing That Will Unlock Your Next Level

Whether you like it or not, right now, that tough conversation that you have to have in that person who might be driving you batshit crazy, or that person who's like, oh, my God, how did I attract this into my life? This is my worst nightmare. They are here to teach you something. They might be here to teach you how to have a hard conversation fast. They might be here to show you that facing painful things head on is actually the way to become the person that you actually want to be and get the things that you actually want in your life. Foreign. Hey, everyone, welcome back to the show. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And today I want to go through your life and we're going to take an inventory together. And this is not going to be super fun or easy, but it will be absolute freedom. So when I say that we're going to take an inventory and when I say you're going to experience freedom, it's because I believe that we are all one or two conversations away from experiencing more energy, more mental clarity, and more connection with the people that we actually want and deeper connections with the ones that we might be feeling like we're struggling with right now. And that is from not communicating our needs or having boundaries. So when I say today I want to take an inventory, I want to really start to notice where you are carrying a lot of extra baggage every single day of your life because you are not having a tough conversation, or you are not instilling a boundary, or you are not really getting having a come to Jesus with yourself and saying, hey, it's me. The Taylor Swift song, hey, I'm the problem. It's me, right? It's the. Everywhere you go, there you are. And if you've been noticing that no matter what you do or who you meet or what job you get that something is wrong, it's probably because you are not having hard conversations, having boundaries and expressing your own needs, or potentially also not listening to other people's needs. So right now, wherever you are, I just want you to take a deep breath and tell yourself that before we do this, we're gonna have massive grace. Because in order to have the life that you want, it's hard to accept the fact that you have had control the whole time to have these conversations and you've been avoiding them because they suck. And I'm the first person to say they suck. They are not fun. This is not a fun thing to do. To have tough conversations and to feel sick to your stomach and wor about how your relationship is going to look on the other side. It might feel easier right now to avoid saying something to someone even though it feels like it's eating you alive. And I have to tell you that the tough conversation, while being really tough in the beginning, is so much freedom on the other side that you're going.

To wish that you had it years.

Prior or weeks prior or days prior, however long it's been going on. And so now that I've been having hard conversations weekly, I won't ever sit on one ever again. In fact, my gut won't even let me. Because I will tell you that I'm not willing to carry the weight and the baggage and the stress and the anxiety and the depression that comes with carrying these conversations or having these ridiculous arguments in my head of what I actually wanna say of being totally passive aggressive and daydreaming about how I really wanna be to this person, but never doing it. And of course we should not do that. That's not going to get us anywhere. But expressing our needs and instilling a boundary will. So right now, why don't we just take a second, now that we have all this grace for ourself and saying, okay, we are human, we all do this. We all sweep stuff under the rug. We all try to avoid, because we don't. Most of us, now there are plenty who do, but most of us don't love conflict. We don't like it. It's not fun, especially if you know the person isn't going to receive it well. And I also want to say on the other side of that, you might be surprised, you might be really surprised how people receive it. Because in 90% of my conversations that I've had, I would say that they surprised me with how receptive they were and how much they were actually feeling it too. So people can feel the energy that you're in right now. If you're feeling resentful of someone, if you're feeling upset by someone, if you're feeling like not as connected to someone, but they're feeling, you think they're feeling connected to you, but you have this thing that you feel you need to express in order to move forward on the relationship, they probably feel that too. And that might be why they're coming at you in the certain energy that they're coming at you with. And Wayne Dyer has a quote that says, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. I also believe when you change the way you come at things and how you are. The things that you are frustrated by, irritated by, or upset with also change because your energy shifts. So they shift, and it's crazy what happens with that. So. So right now, what is a conversation that you feel like if you had it, you would feel completely free on the other side. It doesn't mean if you had it, you're not gonna feel bad and, you know, you're not gonna feel sad and maybe wish that it could have gone a different way. I mean, if you had the conversation and really shared how you felt, that you could actually move forward in your life in a completely different way and maybe a much lighter way. And I think you have to realize that once you have this conversation, you're going to feel so much better, more free, no matter what happens. Yes, you might lose a relationship. Yes, you might have someone who thinks you are wrong. Yes, you may have somebody who is upset with you and is resentful of you and talks about you, but none of that lasts. None of it lasts. Because your energetic entanglement, yes, it's a thing, your energetic claws that you have in this person because you're not willing to set them free and say how you actually feel. And you're so tied to this conflict conversation in your head, and you're so tied to feeling trapped by this person, or you're so tied to feeling upset by this person that you don't realize that you're the one who has the hooks in them. They may not even have their hooks in you because you're not saying how you feel. So the first step in really understanding what you need to do first with these tough conversations is look at the place in which the thing or the person or the conversation is weighing on you the most. If you could be through this thing, if you could be done with this experience, if you could be done with this relationship, what would you be free to do? How much of your energy every single day is going towards this thing? And I've had a couple things lately where I couldn't even function. I couldn't even move on until I had a conversation. I'll tell you, it lasted about two days. And I was like, I have to have this. But because this may not even be fully me, this might be something on both parties. And for me, when I know that there's something that needs to be talked about, I can't even think about anything else. And I really know at this point that my business and my relationships need my attention and need my focus. And I know where I want my focus to go, and if it's not towards those things, then I need to take care of the loose ends or these energetic things that are draining me in the background. And I need to meet them head on. Because if I don't start being the person who has tough conversations head on, then I'm never gonna be able to handle my dream. I'm never gonna be able to handle my goal. And when you think about going after your dreams and goals, people don't realize that this is probably one of the most important things that you will ever do in order to get there. They're thinking about the strategy and they're thinking about the team and all of the things they need, but they're not thinking about the. The actual things that are actually taking up too much room in their life to even or that keeps them from even moving forward. So when you're thinking of having this conversation, what is that one first that you need to have that you're like, this is the thing that is on my mind. I can't move forward. Or this is the conversation I have to have, or put this boundary in place and talk to them about it. Because this is taking up the most bandwidth for all of the other things. Okay, if we have the one thing, we're not even going to talk about the other thing, this is going to be the thing that we are going to approach first. And when we approach it, you can't approach it from a place of this is all their fault. Even if it feels that way, you have to approach it from a place of maybe they're feeling the same way too. Maybe they have things that they want to say. Maybe there are things that I don't understand that are going on in their life that I need to ask about. And so when you have these conversations, you have to approach it with absolute love and set your intention first. Because I really believe that they can feel your intention even if you say the wrong words or what feels like the wrong words. So what I do before tough conversations is I say a very long prayer and I ask God, or whatever you believe in, I say, this is the outcome that I want for both of us to go whatever direction that we need to go, or for us to part ways, but still be able to respect and love each other and to understand that we each played a pivotal role in each other's lives. Or, you know, to be able to set this boundary and have them understand why I need this in place and have them see that it's not something against them, but it truly is like pure love that I'm feeling and I need to tell them so that I can also free them up to go and do this other thing, whatever that looks like.

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So set those intentions first. Say a prayer. Talk to one to two friends that are vaults, that are absolute vaults, and say, this is the conversation I want to have, this is why, and tell them the intention and outcome that you want. If you try to start thinking of any other outcomes because you're giving and you're like, that's not actually what I want, then that's not a path for you, then you actually have to eliminate that path and you have to go into the conversation with the one thing that you desire and that is it. There is no other path that you're going to take in compromise. Because once you're in a tough conversation, it's very easy to say, yeah, you're right, I'm sorry, it is my fault, and you're right, let's compromise on something. But if that's not going to be the thing that's going to give you the final answer that you need, then it can't be a path. You have to go in saying, this is the intention, this is the outcome I desire, and these are the two hows that we can get there. And I understand if you don't agree with them, but this is how it has to be. And I hope that we can part ways or I hope that we can move forward, or I hope that we can, you know, do whatever that thing is that you want to do because I love and respect you. And you won't be able to live with that thing eating at your gut if your soul knows it. None of this makes either party you or the other person a bad person whatsoever. It just makes you not right for that particular path at this particular time. You could be absolutely right for each other in a, in a friendship, even a best friendship, right? These could be conversations that we have with our best friends. These could be conversations we have with our mothers. These could be conversations we have with our siblings, but you have to have them. And when we don't, this is when relationships turn into what people think is toxic. But I don't actually believe any relationship is toxic. I believe that we haven't had the conversations or instilled the boundaries which has allowed them to turn toxic in our lives because they're not functioning in the way that they came to support you in. So whether you like it or not, right now, that tough conversation that you have to have in that person who might be driving you batshit crazy, or that person who's like, oh, my God, how did I attract this into my life? This is my worst nightmare. They are here to teach you something. They might be here to teach you how to have a hard conversation fast. They might be here to show you that facing painful things head on is actually the way to become the person that you actually want to be and get the things that you actually want in your life. That's what they're here for. And if you keep pushing them away, you're missing the lesson that actually unlocks the gold and reveals everything that you could imagine and more about who you want to be and where you want to go. So I urge you today to. To set that conversation in place. Set it in place for the end of the week. Set it in place for three to.

Four days from now, but do not.

Set it in place for more than that. Have the conversations with those one to two trusted vault friendships who aren't going to say anything. And you say, this is what I want. Please help me. Is there anything I'm missing? Is there anything else I should ask? Is there anything else I should say? I want this to end in a beautiful way, and I want to make sure that I approach this in a way that's not going to put their guard up, in a way that they don't get defensive. So ask that person, get the advice. And then no matter what you do, when you go into this conversation, I feel like face to face is always best. Have it on zoom, have a phone call if you can't do that. But even face to face, I have it written on a piece of paper and I tell them, hey, this is a tough conversation for me. I want to make sure that my emotions don't, you know, overrun what I want to say to you because hard conversations are hard for me. And I might cry, I might get weird, but just know that I have this intention of how I want this to turn out. So I hope that you feel this. As I move forward saying these words and my voice shakes and my friend really helped me even say that and craft that, because that is the truth. And so write that down and then write down the points that you want to bring up. And never accuse, never be accusatory. Always try to say it from this is how I feel right now and explain it from there. But anything where it's like, you do this, you do that. You said this, you said that. That is going to bring them to a defensive place and you've lost them already. So come from a place of owning every single way that you got to this position. What part of this do you own? And tell them that. What part of this do you own? What did you let happen? What did you not say before this that got you to this place, full ownership? You guys, this is how the happiest people are the happiest. This is how the most successful people are the most successful. They do these things daily. You just don't see them because they're not talking about them, obviously because of privacy and because they respect people. But this is what's going on. This is what's going on behind the scenes. So I'm sending you so much love, I'm sending you so much power, so much grace to be able to go and have these conversations and free yourself. You don't need another day carrying that elephant on your back. Let it go. This is the lesson. This is where the gold is, is on the other side. Please tell me if you had a tough conversation because of this and how you feel on the other side, knowing that no matter what happens, there might be some fallout, you might lose a friend, but that's okay, because that means they were never meant to be on this next segment of your journey in the way that you might have wished and hoped and you might have just freed them up and you might have just taught them a tough lesson as well that they needed. So we don't get to be the hero in everybody's stories. Sometimes we are the villains. Sometimes we're the person telling them things they don't want to hear. And looking back on my past, some of the people who have had tough conversations with me are now the people who've taught me how to have the tough conversations, even though I didn't love them at the time, even though I was upset, even though they weren't well received, right? And now they have helped me to do the same things. So know that no matter what you have both signed up. Your souls have a contract. And this might be the contract. The tough conversation. This might be it to move forward. So sending you so much love. I know that you can do it. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.