The Fastest Way to Build Confidence

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All of the rejection therapy that you need is actually there to get to the next level. You're just viewing it as a bad thing. And I want you to also know you have to seek out the exposure therapy in order to just put yourself in the eye of the storm so you can understand it. Like those big tornado and storm chasers, like they literally want the data from inside the eye of the storm to understand it. Like, this is where you want to be, right in the center, you guys. And it can feel crazy, but it is the fastest way you are going to get to where you want to go. Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast.

It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration.

And I want to give you the fastest way to become super dangerous out in the world with exactly what you want. Like, you're going to become the most dangerous person because you you are not afraid of what most people are afraid of. This does not mean that your fear goes away.

It means that your capacity to hold certain things and to normalize certain fears is going to be your superpower.

And so when you do these two things that I'm about to tell you, you literally are going to expand your capacity so much that you move through the day and you move through the things that you need to move through in order to get to your goal so much faster. And you guys, this concept is of exposure therapy and of rejection therapy. So let's talk about exposure therapy. This is essentially putting yourself in the middle of the thing before you feel ready and immersing yourself in it. Like, I want you to think about somebody learning to swim. Someone who would take their time learning to do this, someone who would probably be a bit of a slower learner, would read the book on, on swimming, then they would take a class on it, then they would practice swimming outside of the pool, and then eventually they would get in the pool, but they would start in the very, very shallow end, and maybe they would start going out into the deep end eventually, but it would take them a very, very long time because they would get in the pool, then they would get out of the pool, and they would talk about the experience, and they would state their fears, and they would try to work through them. I'm talking about like exposure therapy where you throw yourself in the deep end of the swimming pool. And perhaps you're not doing this by yourself at all, but you're doing this with other people who know how to swim. They're like, okay, I got you. We're also going to have you hold on to the edge, but you are going to be in the deep end. And then we're going to tell you some things while you're in the pool. You're going to practice it, then we're going to let go for a minute. Literally, they are putting you in the position of high stakes, high intensity to learn a lot faster. Now, am I saying to do this with swimming? No, but I'm giving you the example of what this looks like, that I do believe that if you got thrown in, your attention is so high that you are going to be listening to those lessons that that person is giving you, knowing that your goal is to eventually let go at the end of the swimming lesson and learn how to tread water. I'm pretty sure that you are going to listen intently, you're gonna listen closely, and you are going to to apply to the best of your ability because you're already in the middle of it with somebody who is doing it with you. And so when you're thinking of how you're learning, how is it that you are deciding to take those steps? Because if you really wanna go all in, you're gonna look for the thing that's going to expose you to exactly what you want, and you're gonna try to show up in the middle of it. So for me, this was really getting into masterminds, getting into these rooms that I wanted to be in that I was like, oh my gosh, I have no clue what I'm doing. And there's, No way to level up faster than to put yourself in a room where you have no clue, but other people do, and they teach you and you expose yourself, right? Because if you're in the deep end and you don't know how to swim, you need to tell people that, right? You need to tell the people in the room. Otherwise what happens is you get in the deep end with those people and you're quiet and they can't help you, and you start to slip underneath the water because you never told anyone, hey, I'm actually, I'm throwing myself in here, but I'm gonna need to hold onto the edge and I don't actually know how to swim, so I'm gonna need your help. Like, this is where I'm at. Vulnerably, I don't know how to do this. So a lot of times people show up in those rooms, but they don't tell people, hey, here's where I'm failing, here's where I'm not very good, right? So what happens is they can disappear in those rooms because they're not showing up vulnerably and saying what they need help with when the help is literally right there. You are in the deep end with these incredible swimmers who could help you. And so you need to know the faster that you let them know and the faster that you listen up and the faster that you learn and the faster that you keep putting yourself in the deep end over and over again, you are going to become an amazing swimmer just like the other people around you. And that is exposure therapy. It's not thinking, it's not planning, it's not waiting. It is putting yourself right in the middle of it. It's the same thing if you took a cooking class, right? Like being live in person and taking a cooking class is gonna be a whole lot faster than you watching YouTube videos over and over and not learning how to chop and not learning about the ingredients and not learning how it actually goes together and not actually feeling it and understanding what it feels like and looks like to cook and to do the things that you need to do in order to create this beautiful meal. And so let's go to the next concept of rejection therapy. And this for me is truly intentionally putting yourself in situations where you are going to hear no. Not where you might hear no, but where you know you are going to get a lot of nos. This would be asking for things that you know are probably going to be a no from people. This is saying a number that feels uncomfortable, um, maybe to current clients, and you want to raise your and you know it's probably going to be a no, and you might need to be getting new customers in order to go to this price. But if you want a business that is thriving and that you don't feel resentful of your clients, that means you're going to have to ask for that higher price and know you're going to get rejected. Like, this is rejection therapy. It's pitching when you don't feel fully ready. So the goal of rejection therapy is not to avoid the no, it's actually to normalize it, because the more that you hear no, the less it means anything to you. At first it's going to feel like Oh my gosh, this feels awful in my body. What does this mean about me? It's gonna make you question your worthiness. It's gonna maybe even make you feel bad.

Like, who are you to even have asked that?

How embarrassing. Like, how awful of you to have asked that person for more money, to even think that you were worthy of that. And so we actually want to do this. We want to go for the no and we want to normalize it. So most people are emotionally affected far too long from both the rejection therapy and also from the exposure therapy. And what do I mean by this? I talk about comeback rate a lot. And so what can happen is that the comeback rate that you have right now when you get rejected from something or when you go and get exposed to something that feels like too much, sometimes you're like, oh my gosh, I feel traumatized. Like, I need a week to recover from this. I feel so bad. I can't get over it. My brain is stuck on this. And what happens is when you get your comeback rate up, and when you start to normalize the no and you start to normalize what it feels like to be exposed to the thing that you want and be okay with not feeling good enough yet, you're going to speed up your comeback rate. And so I recently heard a quote that said, winners have bad moments and losers have bad days. Now, I don't really care how that hits for you, because what I want you to get out of that is that what we want to do is start taking those things that used to completely take you down for a week or a month, right? Like someone says something mean to you, someone tries to cancel you, someone in your family says, oh, that cute little business, or oh my God, she fails at everything, or don't worry, this is just another thing she'll never follow through on. And I want you to let that be a moment, whether that means saying a prayer, whether that means calling a friend, whether that means being in some groups where you can say, hey, has this ever happened to anyone? And they can say, absolutely. Oh my gosh, Here's what you need to focus on. Don't even think about it. Like, how can you start to normalize these things that happen when you're going for your dream and when you're going for success so that you no longer have full bad days from the thing, but you have bad moments and you move on to the next thing? You guys, I am not perfect. This does not mean that if I rethink about something that I'm like, oh God, that didn't feel good, or, oh, that comment is, you know, really getting me in the gut. But what happens is that I am actively working so hard to overcome, like grabbing onto that thought, clinging to that thought, letting it be my day and my identity. Because as you get more successful, what's going to happen is that those pings and those dings, just those things that are trying to sidetrack you, right, they're going to happen more often. And so if you're going to be sidetracked by those as you speed up your success, What's gonna happen? You're just gonna be stuck in your tracks. Like you're gonna feel fully paralyzed because you won't be able to move through the thoughts in your head. So whenever this happens, I literally take a moment. I say a prayer. I'm like, okay, I know this is not for me. God, give me the strength to move through this. Like, God, gimme the strength to understand that they are, you know, in a completely different position, or I don't need to, I, I know what my goal is. Like, let me let this thought go. Let me focus on this instead. And that is literally what I do every single day over and over and over again, because you have to normalize the no, you have to normalize the rejection, and you have to normalize that the feeling of being in the places that you are meant to be doesn't feel good. It actually feels scary. It feels good on the other side. It feels so good once you've like gone through the mastermind and Maybe you're on day 2 or you're on day 3 of it, right? Once you've done the thing, but it doesn't always feel good in it. Like a lot of times if you're in the right rooms, you're nervous, you feel pressure. And sometimes even when you get the friend groups that you dream of, you can sabotage yourself by going, you know what, they just have way too high of standards. I don't think I can do this anymore. I think I'm gonna sabotage myself by taking something they said personally or by deciding I don't like them anymore because their standards are too high and I feel like I can't be friends with them. Like, this is what we do when we start to dig into the thoughts and the feelings that don't feel good around the things that we know can get us to the places where we wanna go.

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So I want you to look at the things that are happening and realize that in your life right now, all of the rejection therapy that you need is actually there to get to the next level. You're just viewing it as a bad thing. And I want you to also know you have to seek out the exposure therapy in order to just put yourself in the eye of the storm so you can understand it. Like right now I'm thinking of, I know, like those big, um, tornado and storm chasers. Like they literally want the data from inside the eye of the storm to understand it. Like this is where you want to be in order to get the most information of where you want to go, it's right in the center, you guys. And it can feel crazy, but it is the fastest way you are going to get to where you want to go. And this is such a reminder for me right now, because sometimes when life feels crazy, you are just seeking comfort and you're seeking ease, except that next level is so insanely close. You can feel it. You can taste it. Well, it's not in the easy parts. It's not at the easy button. It's not at the, oh God, I just need to get out of this. And how much more of this can I take? It is in— it's in taking all of those things that are happening and reframing your mindset around it so that you don't feel the intensity. Because I guarantee the intensity that you are getting in your life is actually trying to give you so much wisdom, but because of how you're looking at it, it and how you're perceiving it. You're thinking it's a bad thing when it's actually your teacher showing up. It's actually the way that you're going to get there. So what is it in your life that's trying to give you wisdom right now? Is there somebody that's giving you a hard time? Is there a no that you keep getting over and over? Like, there is deep wisdom in the pain. I think pain is the quickest, fastest, most brilliant teacher. And when we don't get it, we feel pain immensely over and over and over again. And when we can start to see that it's trying to tell us something, it's trying to give us something, it's trying to show us this might be the way. Yeah, it's not showing up the way that you wanted, but this might deliver the thing that you want. And so right now, is there something in your life that is actively trying to give you wisdom that we're pushing away because we don't like how it feels? Is there rejection happening, or is there not enough rejection happening? So I want you to start looking at the things that maybe you are dreading and the things that you are avoiding and understand that's— it's exactly where your success and your next level is. So you guys, I'm sending you so much love. I'm so grateful for you. And if you do not know, I do a free call every single month month. It is called the Audacity Club, and it's for people who are ready to play big. It's for people who want to put some big goals out there with a bunch of other women. I mean, we have such incredible people in this group. It's a totally free call. It's people who want to say, you know what, I want to put a big goal out there, I want to be held accountable to it, and I want to meet other people who have some big goals. Don't get me wrong, these are all different levels of goals, because sometimes big doesn't mean the person next to you is big, right? Big might mean that you're gonna do a 15-day social media challenge where you show up on social media because you haven't even done one post. Or big might mean that you're going to put out, um, 30 pitches over the next week because you are ready to like be seen out in the world and you're ready to get rejected. So you guys go check that call out. You can join at the link below. I would love to have you on. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone.

Mm-hmm.