The Most Underrated Success Strategy, Why You Need Great Friends & How to Find Them!

Where did we buy into the story that in order to be a founder, you have to be fucking burnt out? Thinking that I need to be working 247 every hour of the working day. If I am not, like, spending it and feeling fried by the end of the day, that I'm doing it wrong. And I'm like, I actually think we have it wrong. I think that the more fun that you're having in work and in life, the more you're a magnet for really big opportunities.

And we're back.

Another episode of He Said, she Said.

And the pack is back, baby. Packers just won, like, moments ago. I'm a happy man. It doesn't take much to make me happy, does it?

You know what's crazy is you've gotten so good at not letting your mood be dependent upon football. But I do love when they win, because obviously, I don't get boots.

I don't get as down as I used to.

A boost in the household.

I don't get as down as I used to when the packers lose, but I still get as excited as I used to when they win. The best of both worlds.

Look, I know some people don't understand this, but ladies who have football guys or. Or who love football, it's like a real thing.

Oh, yeah, it's a real thing. And my brewers won last night. Like, my sports world right now is in a good place. It is a good place. But here's what's really good. I just got to watch the packers game down at El Cholo, like, this great Mexican restaurant. Sit in the bar, New York, watching the games. Neighborhood spot so good with one of my best friends in the world, Seth Madison. And before that, we went to the gym and we worked out. And earlier today, we recorded a podcast together. And last night, we all went and had sushi together and watch a Brewers playoff game. And everything is better with good friends. And I think that's the episode that we want to talk about today. And you might hear this like, duh, of course, having friends is a good thing. But, no, this goes deep. This affects your relationships, like, your romantic relationship. This affects your business. This affects your happiness, your mood. Your mood. And the problem is your outlook on life, your networking. And the problem is most people aren't actively waking up every day and saying, how do I make new friendships? Or, how do I maintain my important ones? And I wanted to share. We wanted to share some of the things that we do to do that. And another place that this episode came from was we just wrapped up Yesterday hosting our VIP weekend mastermind, where 10 people come to the house and we mastermind for two days and they're on the podcast. And it's a really cool event. We love it. Matter of fact, literally half of them re signed up for the next one. That's how good it is. So why do I share that? Well, there's a portion of that event where everybody asks us questions about their business or their life. And a question came up yesterday where one of them said, with you guys both being entrepreneurs and having the stress of having businesses and being married over 20 years, what do you think you've done right in your relationship to be able to maintain it through all that? And our answer, one of our unanimous answers was, oh, we do a good job of having separate quality friendships. And when you have separate quality friendships, you have somebody to turn to for some of life's most important needs. Instead of just turning to your spouse or your significant other or your boyfriend or girlfriend for all your needs, you.

Guys have to remember that with your partner or even maybe some of your current friends who don't think the way that you do, maybe who don't support what you're doing. You have to remember that up until that moment, like, you and your partner have, like, you have a lot of the same perspective. Even though you might think differently, you're living the same life. So I think it's really important to have friendship circles outside of your everyday life and what you're experiencing, because the more that you can have somebody be able to give you different perspectives, the more you're going to be able to solve your problems faster. And so one of the things that I always make sure that I do, like, this is so important to me is to make sure that I have dates in the calendar where I am going to go and either hang out with friends or I'm going to mastermind with friends, or both. So there's a difference also between, like, masterminding with friends, where you're specifically going to talk about business when you're together. Um, and I do think that's really important if you're an entrepreneur, to be like, okay, can we get together and like, really focus on each other's businesses? Maybe create a format that we can all follow. And then I also think it's important to just be like, let's get together and like, just let whatever come up come up. And maybe you have a couple activities that it's around. And I promise you, if you're with like minded big thinkers or people who have the potential that you think could be like minded big thinkers. I promise you that you're going to get to the really good, meaty topics that you need to get to in order to just kind of get through all of the challenges that life naturally gives to you.

Several years ago, I was in Costa Rica on a retreat that Lori tricked me into going, Literally lied to me and said, oh, it's like a surfing yoga retreat. Because she knew that. She said it was a breathwork and meditation retreat that I sure as hell wouldn't go.

There was surfing involved.

One day of surf lessons. This was not a surf and yoga retreat.

There's horseback riding.

That was an epic experience. Anyhow, here's why I bring this up. I went there and thought, what the hell am I going to learn? Once I figured out what it was.

He was not happy with me.

But the trip went on, changed my life for many reasons. I mean, this was a turning point for my life. And while I won't share all those reasons, I'm going to share one of them that has to do with friendship. One of the leaders of the trip, her name is Lindsay. She had made the comment that one of the best things she does in life is collect people. Now you hear that, you think, well, that's a weird phrase, collect people. And she went on to say, from my circles of friends, I don't expect any one of them to be everything for me. That is an impossible expectation of a human. Same thing goes for your significant other, by the way. But instead I've got the outfit inspiration moms at the school pickup line. I've got the sports moms that I like to go to my yoga class and my spin class with. I've got the let's just talk about parenting moms that I can really talk to when I'm having challenges with parents. I've got the let's go have way too many drinks and blow off some steam moms. And she's like, I don't expect any one of these people to transcend all the groups. Some might cross over a couple of them. But it was this idea that was so freeing to collect people for the richness that they bring to your life. And don't worry if they're missing some of the other parts that they don't bring to your life because that's what your other friends are for. And so what does that have to do with what we're talking about? Making friends even though you're busy or even though you might have kids taking up all your time or even though that you've got a significant other at home that needs your attention or even though your business might be failing or might be doing so good that it's making you busy. Making friends needs to be a priority. Or you'll wake up one day and you'll say, why don't I have anybody helping me with my business when I am having a bad day? Why don't I have anybody to have fun with? Why don't I have anybody to create memories with? Why don't I have anyone to blow some steam off with? What happened to those days? Now the problem is this. We're all so busy. Think about how many companies Lori and I own. We're all so busy in life trying to keep the priorities, the priorities that one of the easiest ones as we become adults to put on the back burner is the making and maintaining your friends. And so for me, I realize how important this is. It's why we have such a powerful network. And some of the things that I do to make and maintain friends are as follows. When I wake up in the morning, not the first thing I do, but part of my morning routine is at some point in the early morning, I will text at least three friends. Hey, how you doing today man? Thinking of you. Hope you're winning the week. Let me know if there's anything that I can do for you. Can't wait to get together again soon. And I want to know how random this is. I literally pull up my phone and I just type in S and I see which friends pop up that I haven't texted in a while or I type in C or I type in L. I'm like, oh God, Larry, I haven't texted him in ages. Shame on me. And then that's the person. Some of you listening have probably gotten this text from me. It is so simple to be able to be the proactive one that reaches out to at least three friends a day. And you want to know the end result? I have friends that are brand new friends and I have friends that have been friends since my high school days that I still talk to and still go back to. Lori, Mario, the other day Mario and Tony and I were texting. You know what I mean? Like these are 30 year friends. And you don't get to have that range of friendships, which means that range of networking, which means that range of helpers, which means that range of diverse ideas which means that range of support. You don't get to have that as an, an asset if you don't work to maintain it that's just one of the silly things I do is the texting that anyone can do. Another thing I do is I do a great job of booking guys trips. And listen, you don't have to tell me twice. Nobody loves their wife more than me. Nobody loves to just, like, sit on an island with their wife and be perfectly fine and not need anybody else than me. So it's actually hard for me to do. When I book them, I'm like, I don't want to go. Like, oh, I don't want to leave. Oh, I don't want to do this. But I understand the importance of booking. So I'll be like, hey, guys, we're going on a ski trip. Here's the hotel we're all staying at. Here's a few dates. What works best for you? Hey, guys, we're all going to this football game. Here's the dates. Here's the hotel I want all of us to stay at. Looks really cool. Who can make it? And it's these intentional guys trips so that you can spend quality time together in person that can't be replicated by a text or a phone call that maintains these relationships even when I don't feel like doing. And listen, if you're like, must be nice. I don't have the time. Must be nice. I don't have the money. Must be nice. You don't have kids. I don't think you understand our schedule, number one. But number two, I would challenge you that those are limiting beliefs, because if it was important to you, you would find a way. Even if it was simple as, hey, friends, I live in Des Moines, Iowa. I found a great golf course. When could you all come in and I'll host you?

I just reposted a post from Alison Ellsworth, who just sold Poppy. You can imagine that building a billion dollar company during that phase while having, you know, children and doing all the things you have to do to get it there is probably pretty intense. And she was on camera filming herself, and she said, you know what? I never really burnt out. Like, I, I, I don't really burn out because I have a secret to not burning out. And she's like, it's gonna sound so stupid and simple, but it's building in. Have fun. She's like, I go to festivals. I hang out with friends. I like to laugh. I make sure I do these things so that when I come back, I actually don't resent what I'm doing. And I have energy, and I, like, build it in. She's like, and it made me realize where did we buy into the story that in order to be a founder you have to be burnt out and just like, if you're not spent that your investors are going to be pissed off at you. Like, I don't think your investors want someone who's frazzled, who's gaining weight, who's stressed, who doesn't see friends, have friends, have anyone to network with when you go to need to raise money. You haven't done any work around making friends or networking because you're so freaking burnt out because you think that it's something that deserves a reward. I just don't think that that's it anymore. I truly don't. I think it's actually doing the opposite of what you believe it's doing. And I have to remind myself of that all the time because it's real easy for me to fall into the trap of thinking that I need to be working 247 every hour of the working day if I am not like spending it and feeling fried by the end of the day that I'm doing it wrong. And I'm like, I actually think we have it wrong. I think that the more fun that you're having in work and in life, the more you're a magnet for really big opportunities.

Yeah, I totally agree. A couple more ways that I make new or maintain friendships. If you can find a meaningful thing in your life that you want to track something that's important to you and then find the like minded individuals who it's important to as well. It's as simple as starting a weekly check in on a text thread and tracking it. So I've got one small group of guys where we report our net worth once a month to each other. And it's as simple as a text friend, a conversation. I've got another guy who I met through a business function and I was like, oh, it's yeah, I think we kind of be friends. And he had mentioned that he was trying to get in the best shape of his life. I'm like, oh man, I'm on the comeback too. And he says, hold each other accountable. And so every single Sunday we send each other. I joke to Lori, I go, lori, I sent my nudes. We send each other a shirts off pic showing the progress and we weigh ourselves on the scale. Say, okay, here's the scale, here's the progress I made or didn't make and here's my plan for the week. And that is, not only has it really worked, but I now have developed a relationship with this guy that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be friends with or have a good friendship with had I just met him at this business function. Oh yeah, you're cool and you think I'm cool. But then we went back to our normal lives and now he's also somebody that I can reach out to be like hey, I really need an investor for this or hey, I really need advice because he's incredible business mogul as well. And so those are some clever ways to maintain friendships. Some ways to make friendships is get off your ass and leave your house. And like, once again, I know some excuses are coming up, but I would challenge you to check in if those are limiting beliefs. And so, you know, leave your house and like I am, I'm going to pickleball once or twice a week to the pickleball club where I don't know any of the people there but I just jump into games and then I meet people. And recently I went and met a new hard money lender through a guy that I met at the pickleball club. And it's doing things like proactively getting off my ass and leaving the house even when I don't feel like it to go do something that I don't feel like doing in the very moment but end up having fun. Doing that allows me to make new friendships.

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Yeah. And something really cool because you had mentioned that Seth is here visiting right now. Something really cool that he said yesterday, he was like, you know, we think like making friends is just about like meeting people and hanging out a few times. And he said there's nothing like time spent that actually creates a friendship.

Yeah.

And I really look at all of my really good friends and we had something that kind of in the beginning maybe we hung out a little bit, but then we did something that threw us together for maybe a day or two or three or four, you know, and. And it was those things that we went away for the weekend or we went away for a week or we did an event together. We really spent A lot of hours together that kind of pushed that friendship from like, yeah, they're friends to like, oh, we're really good friends. We want to make sure we make time for this. So there is nothing like time spent. And I even told Chris I was like, you know, most of the women I am like really good friends with now, I didn't really like in the beginning, like, I didn't super gravitate towards. I was like, they're okay. And it wasn't until the things that we did like made us spend time together. Because I have to tell you, I don't think a lot of people are willing to get vulnerable right away. And vulnerability is what creates friendships. Not just like, hey, cool, great job at that, or wow, tell me about all your highs. It's when you get into the nitty gritty and that doesn't come right away for a lot of people. Especially high achieving people. We don't like, usually get down to like what isn't going well, what, or our challenges growing up or the traumas that we had. Like, it's, it's typically not something we love to talk about. So that doesn't happen until you really spend a lot of time together. So you cannot replace quality time and forcing yourself to do these things with people in order to get over that first weird hump of like, yeah, they're all right. Why can't I seem to find the people I really like? Or I feel like nobody's like me, or I feel like people just don't get me, or there's nobody out there as we live in like a million plus people cities. You guys, there is people exactly like you. You just, you haven't spent enough time with them to let your guard down, let their guard down and to actually connect.

This is interesting too. Another place to meet like minded friends. If you live in an area and you're like, oh, easy to say, I just don't have those type of people around me. And sometimes that's the case. Invest into going to the places where like minded people would be. And I know that can be scary, but I have a lot of proof that it works. For example, the guy I check in with every Sunday for us to get more fit, his name is Tyler. I met him because I invested in a very expensive coach and he got all of us together for a once a year, hey, you should meet my other clients kind of a thing. So I, because of the investment I made, I was able to meet like minded people, Tyler being one of them. And now you know Here we are. Check in buddies. Another one is my business partner Matt. I would never have met Matt unless I invested years ago in going to a travel mastermind knowing I would meet like, you know, you and I already went together knowing we would meet like minded people and it was a big number. But guess what? Over half the people there that we traveled with have become dear, dear friends and one of them is now my business partner Matt. So like I, I know it sounds kind of trite or kind of salesy or kind of whatever, I don't give a shit if it's our room or somebody else's room, but start investing in speeding up your introductions to like minded people and increasing the chances that you're going to meet like minded people by getting into the rooms that have a little bit of a barrier of entry to them because that means other people are serious enough because they chipped in the barrier of entry as well.

I mean, you invested in college, that's how you got your college.

Oh my God, what a good biggest investment, duh. Oh my God, that's so good. Or you invest in a country club. That's how you get your country club friends. Like, duh. That makes so much sense. Well, listen, if you're like, gee, thanks for the episode on friendship guys. I cannot stress to you enough how important this has been in our financial life. Getting financial advice and being on the inside scoop of investments. I cannot express how important it's been in our happiness. I cannot express how important it's been to our marital relationships. I don't expect Lori to be all things and she doesn't expect me to be all things. I can't express to you how important it's been in our careers. Actively finding new and then actively working on continuing to maintain quality friendships is a sleeper hack that you need to get back to doing.

We're so grateful for you guys and I hope that you tune in next week.

And in case you guys want a good spot to find like minded friends, if you're making over $500,000 a year in your business and you're looking for some elite thinkers, apply for our elite level mastermind. We're just now starting to review applications in October. We're going to start to do all those interviews in November and it's first come first serve for the applications. Now almost everyone in there is a seven or eight figure business, but you're allowed to apply as long as your business earns at least $500,000 and it is the best in person experience. Lock arms for a year with Ride or Dies. Get, like, the hookup and learn from some of the most incredible people in Lori's and my network. Plus, of course, Lori and I get a bunch of coaching and access. It's our highest level offering and it's really cool. So if you're interested in filling out an application for the 2026 season for that, there's every year, there's not that many spots left. So literally, hurry over to Chrisharder, Me, Mastermind and click apply. That's Chrisharder, Me Mastermind and click apply. All right, guys, thanks for listening.

Love and appreciate you, and we'll see you next week.