The Real Reason You’re Making Things Harder than They Actually Are (+ What to Do Instead)

In my life, one of the things I'm trying to practice every single day, the second I open my eyes is non resistance because of how much pain we cause ourselves. By thinking of the pain in the future, it's like future forecasting for pain. And when you do that, you're robbing that moment of whatever greatness is there, whatever joy, whatever peace that you have is there. And we're back with another episode of He Said, she Said.

And I'm literally back from a 24 hour jaunt to Arizona for a little mom hangout. I call mom dates. And I'm going to tell you guys about this actually has everything to do with today's episode. But before we do that, gift alert time. We literally created the coolest 90 day business plan for you.

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Can just sit back and listen. You and I love this.

What do they call it? Asmr. They'll just listen to us breathe.

Are my nails.

Those are your nails. That's a little creepy. So I just got back, as you heard earlier in the episode From a quick 24 hour John, jump on an airplane, go home, see mom, do a mom date, hang out, got to see my brother too, and then came back this morning. Now to pull that off with my busy schedule because seeing family and seeing mom is a major priority. We're spending way more time in California here than we are in Arizona now. But I didn't want that to slip. I literally told Mom, I said I'll be back at least once a month for a mom date, if not twice a month. And I've been averaging almost twice a month now. How do you pull something like that off with a busy schedule? Well, it's not easy. You have to get up really early in the morning, get the first flight out and then you anticipate you're probably gonna be tired that day. You gotta show up with energy, be present, you know, clear your calendar a little bit and then take a flight out the next morning. Well, here's where it relates to today's episode. Whenever I have to take that first flight out, I am not a morning person. And the anticipation of waking up at like 4:40 so that I can still get a little bit of coffee, feed the dogs, have a little morning routine and then leaving the house at 5:30, to me that sounds like torture, like I'm just being real with you. Some of you people are spring out of bed at 5 o'. Clock. People like it's like it's your natural setting. Others of us were built different. And by the way, this is not an episode about getting up early. You'll see where I'm going. The resistance. And this is what the episode is about, the resistance that I feel around booking that early plane ticket, putting this on the calendar, picturing getting up at 4:40, setting that alarm. I create so much pain for myself that I almost don't do it each time, even though it's important to me. And this kind of a reminder for you, what do you almost not do? Or let's be honest, what do you skip doing many times for your life, for your business, for yourself? Because the pain of the anticipation of fitting it in or getting it scheduled or following through with it seems insurmountable. Well, here's the punchline that I want to deliver to you. Alarm went off at 4:40. I sprung out of bed, had my coffee, sat by the fire, enjoyed the pups for a while, got in the car and went to the airport at 5:30. And it was easy. It was not hard getting up early. It was not difficult leaving at 5:30. I was not tired all day. When I got there, I was full of energy. So why do I share this? We create so much pain for ourselves that is far greater than tearing off the band aid and doing the action itself. The anticipation of resistance is far worse than the actual resistance itself. When you tear off the band aid and do the thing. And Lori, I know you've got some examples around this, but this has literally caught. I'm only going to speak about myself, but I have a feeling that if you're listening, you'll fall in this category too. I've made decisions where it's cost me opportunities. I've made decisions where it's cost me memories. I've made decisions where it cost me money, all because I built up the anticipation to the resistance so much that had I just done the thing, it would have been a hundred times easier.

Chris and I always talk about this and I'm, you know, in my life, one of the things I'm trying to practice every single day, the second I open my eyes, is non resistance because of this, because of how much pain we cause ourselves by thinking of the pain in the future. It's like future forecasting for pain. And when you do that, you're living in the present day, so you're robbing that moment of whatever greatness is there, whatever joy, whatever peace that you have is there. So I looked up some stuff according to, like what our brain is doing, you know, I wanted to know the science behind is this normal? Is this all humans do. We do this. And the brain is wired to predict future discomfort, obviously as a survival mechanism and what it does, though, is it often exaggerates the difficulty of tasks and situations. And studies in neuroscience show that the anterior slight cingulant cortex. I might be saying that wrong, which processes pain and emotional distress, activates before we actually experience the thing we're resisting. Meaning we feel the stress in anticipation, but not in reality. Like we're actually wired to do this. So 90% of the stress we feel in the buildup, it's not the actual thing itself, it's actually the buildup. So once we start, the resistance fades because our brain shifts from fear into action mode. So the goal of this podcast, though, is to try to get you out of the pre resistance. Right, the pre resistance before the actual action. So a couple of things that I do is I try to just get really present. I try to just say, it's probably not going to be that bad. It's actually fulfilling a couple of the things that I want to do and be in my life. So for you, it fulfilled the role of, you promised your mom, you want to be a good son. You actually get a lot out of going back. So instead of focusing on the pain, it's kind of focusing on what you're going to get and knowing that you're always, always happy about it when you come back. And it's also about just not thinking in the future, because whenever people are thinking ahead in the future, you have anxiety. Whenever you're thinking about the past, you have depression. Obviously we're talking about negative things here, not good memories. But if you're in the past, you have depression. If you're in the future, you have anxiety. So the goal with this is when you're experiencing massive resistance, a lot of your resistance is because you either haven't fully committed to it or like, part of your resistance, Chris, was because you were like, I don't know, maybe I should cancel it, maybe I shouldn't. Like, what should I do? So you just like spend two of your days suffering. It's like commit to the thing and decide you committed and that you're not going to think about it. Like, you're literally just going to say, I accept this. Resistance is non acceptance. And so if you can just accept it and say, this is the bed I made, I'm going to lay in it, I'm going to do it, I'm going to love it. This is because it's, you know, doing all of these great things. That's where all of the pain comes from. It's so many different facets that it comes from where then it robs you of the ideas in the moment of, you know, being with me, being present with me. But that's really the thing that we want to get you past is this is not just a one time thing, you guys. This is a forever practice. And so Chris and I are always, I feel like we talk about this every single day. Like on the ride to the gym, I'm just like, oh, I have this thing coming up and I, I don't want to do it, but I'm like, I have to think of something else.

Yeah, I mean this hap. This plagues me all the time. I happen to love going to the gym, but for some people, I know that's a great example. They dread going to the gym, but once they're there, they actually like it. For me, like when I book guys trips, oh, I don't have time for this. I should have never booked it. I've got all this, maybe I'll cancel, maybe I'll cancel, maybe I'll cancel leading up to it. And then when I go, I'm like, Lori, that's the best thing ever. Like, look at the conversations that I had. Right? Here's another example. Silly example. We have now twice done the Tony Robbins firewalk. I will tell you, for everybody standing in that line waiting to walk across those fiery coals, the anticipation of the fact that you're about to walk through fire. Horrible is far worse than the walking through fire. You don't even feel it when you walk through the fire. So that's like the ultimate example of this.

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If anything, this is just a quick podcast to bring this awareness to you that whatever you're fearing, whatever you have resistance around, whatever you're putting off, whatever you're procrastinating because you don't think it's going to feel good. It's going to be 100 times easier than you expect it to be. So just tear up the band aid and do the damn thing.

I love that. And you guys, if you love this episode, definitely go check out the 90.

Day business plan, me 90 day.

It's going to relieve so much of.

What we're talking about right now.

Literally, you have so much resistance around what you're doing because you probably don't know exactly what you're doing, and you're doing it without a solid plan. Because when you have a plan and you know the plan works, you're actually excited about getting the work done. So, you guys, thank you so much for listening, and we will see you next week.