The Simple Daily Practice That Helped Me Stop Spiraling

Overthinking isn't a thinking problem. The main problem is that we're over believing the consistent thoughts that we have and what those consistent thoughts are. And this is what we want to get away from. Thoughts are always going to come in, they're always going to be menaces, but it's what we give our attention to and what we give action to that is going to take our energy. Hey, everyone, welcome back to the show. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to finish inspiration. Last week I dropped a podcast all about how to compartmentalize your thoughts. And I understand that as a woman, as a high achieving woman, and I'm talking to you, that you most likely feel like if everything is not going well, that your day is not going well. And I talked about a few different ways to learn how to compartmentalize and it was now later, not for me. And it's these three categories that we're going to put everything into because somebody else's drama is not your emergency. And there are a lot of things going on in the world that as you move through your day that they might not need attention or a consistent open loop in the back of your mind because it's draining you and it's robbing you of present moments with your kids. It's robbing you of getting the job done. It's robbing you of that big dream that's going to employ a lot of people, help a lot of people and give back to the world. So compartmentalizing is potentially one of the greatest superpowers that you will ever learn. But before I go into the next step of this, because it's nice to talk about it, I'm glad that I was able to give you the tools. But now I want to give you the deeper layer of the tools for when these don't necessarily work or stick because you can know the compartments, but there's a whole other level and layer that goes into actually making this a habit and actually making this an identity and a part of you. But before I share that, I want to tell you I'm literally going to get on a flight or I'm getting picked up in 30 minutes to go speak at Dan Martel's Mastermind, which I'm very excited about, Chris and I get to go and speak together. It is a couple's mastermind and Dan Martel is just an incredible friend and mentor. Dan and Renee are going to be hosting this mastermind, which is so much fun. I got to speak at her incredible event in Canada and I love, love watching them just lead together. I feel like this last year they really stepped into leading together and watching their dynamic as a couple. And it's so fun because Chris and I like, I feel like we lead and live our lives in such a similar way that it's so fun to talk about. But I'm really excited to be invited and going to Tulum to go and speak for his mastermind. He wrote a book called buy back your time, which I highly, highly recommend you getting. But he's just also one of the most amazing entrepreneurs. So I'm excited to feel that up level of what happens when you hang out with people who are light years ahead of you. And I can't wait to do that, especially in Tulum. I have never been there. I feel like it's all I see online. I'm excited to just go and learn and hopefully get a lot of. I have a lot of things kind of swirling in my head, ideas, things I want clarity on. So hopefully I can get some clarity around that because I know removing yourself from, from your day to day is what can sometimes bring you those answers. So I also hope that you're enjoying my morning podcast voice. I have a nice hot cup of coffee next to me and I'm just really excited to teach you on this topic of something that I am always, always struggling with. My God, our brains are absolutely insane, aren't they? I'm so grateful for them for keeping me safe, but I'm also ready to let go of that part that thinks that we are always in trouble. Right? We have that survival mode in our brain. So let's talk about this. So a lot of times we're not necessarily overthinking and I know that it can be titled that, but women are actually wired to think a lot because we have a lot of moving parts and we have to keep them going. The main problem is that we're over believing the consistent thoughts that we have and what those consistent thoughts are. We're treating every single thought in our head like it's truth and we're giving it attention and this is what we want to get away away from. Thoughts are like maniacal. They're gonna pop in. They're gonna just like randomly try to take control of your brain. But it's what we give attention to and it's what we treat like truth that's going to get our energy. So I want you to think about that. Thoughts are always going to come in. They're always going to be Menaces. But it's what we give our attention to and what we give action to that is going to take our energy. So like I said last week, I talked about the now, later, not for me category, but what happens when your brain keeps throwing that same thought at you and you keep grabbing it like it's real. So female brains are wired for safety and social belonging. That's just how we are wired. So our brains scan for rejection, embarrassment, failure. What will they think like, over and over and over again? I can't tell you. Like, I am you. We are so similar, you guys. So when you walk in a room, doesn't matter what room it is, or when you go to put yourself out there, when you put yourself out there online, it's consistently, will I get rejected? Will I feel embarrassed? Will I fail in public? And what are they going to think? And then we fill in the blanks of those stories. Because when we ask ourselves, will I? Will this? Will I fail? The brain is going to find reasons

for, yes, here's why.

This is why this is going to work. Because you're not yet wired. You haven't necessarily done all of the work. Or maybe you're working on this right now. In fact, if you're listening, I guarantee you're working on this right now. But we need to come back with why this will work out instead of why will I be rejected? Why will I be embarrassed? Will I, will I fail? What will they think? It's like, how could this work out? How could this work out for me? How could I bounce back from this? Even if maybe it doesn't, you have to ask different questions. So overthinking isn't a thinking problem. It's literally a safety problem in your nervous system. So your brain isn't trying to ruin your life. It's just trying to keep you from being judged. In eighth grade again, let me tell you, eighth grade was the year where literally I would get so picked on in class by this one girl who, whenever the teacher would leave, she just felt like it was like, time to put me on blast, which was so not fun. One day, apparently I pissed her off because I had finally gotten this pair of jeans that I had wanted that were like, I can't even remember. I think they were like $50, which, you guys, it's like $500 for where I lived and back in the day. And unfortunately, I wore them on the same day of the popular girl. And my jeans were probably six sizes bigger than hers, eight sizes bigger than hers. And she decided to make fun of me for having to buy jeans that were like a clown tent and wear them on the same day. And so that was super fun. And I literally feel like so much of what happens when I'm in front of people goes back to that moment, and it's just a feeling that gets imprinted on you. Was it that big of a deal? I mean, back in the day, it sure felt like it was a big deal to be called out, be made to stand up while the teacher's out of the room and compare the sizes of our jeans and how stupid I looked in them and fat. So it feels like a lot as the class laughed. But looking back, it's like our bodies imprint those little moments on us and they don't go away. Right. Like, we have to now work for the rest of our life to go. When you're in public, when there's public attention on you, this could mean public humiliation. And that's what I really started to carry with me was this moment of panic. If there was ever eyeballs on me, and I couldn't figure out why, I couldn't fully trace it back until, oh, my God, if there's eyeballs on me, it's going to be public humiliation. And so these are all the things that we have to unwire from our bodies and from our brains that get stuck. Like, we get stuck in this cycle of how we think. Because my little brain back then was like, survival. You need to survive. If everyone's laughing at you and nobody wants you, you're going to be cast out, which means you're not going to survive. Right? Because we're wired. Like for ancient times of are you going to fit in with the tribe? So what we need to do, you're going to get caught in four traps of how you think. There's going to be these catastrophe thoughts. Like, if this falls apart, everything falls apart, and it falls apart in front of people, and you're going to be absolutely humiliated, and maybe you won't fit in anymore and no one will want you and no one will accept you. Seems really dramatic. But these are the thoughts that we have, and we wonder why we're stopping with our big dream. We're wondering why we're not posting. We're wondering why we can't show up online. Well, it goes a little deeper than we realize, right? So number two, comparison thoughts, she's ahead, I'm behind. Number three, permission thoughts, who am I to do this? Number four, timing thoughts. It's too late. It's too early. It's not the right season. But these are just rehearsed thoughts, you guys. The thoughts that you think over and over and over again, all of a sudden they become what you believe is your identity. Now you're a nervous person. Now you're someone who can't take action. Except the only difference between you and someone else is they have different rehearsed thoughts. And they've probably worked on it over and over and over again. Unless they had some set of angelic parents, which we all know. We can really, really love our parents, but they were doing the best that they could. They did not have the tools that we have. They did not have the tools that we have. And we were raised in such a different time and their parents raised them even. I mean, it's. It's dramatically amazing that we got the parents that we got. When you think about how they were raised and what society told them and the tools that they did not have. So compassion can really help with this, but also understand that, yes, we're breaking. We're breaking some major patterns and some major fucking cycles, horrible cycles right now because of how the world really had us raised in the narrative that every single person was having around us. So we have to reprogram. And this is one of the things that I have done since the beginning of time. And let me tell you, you're gonna. You might think this feels a little dramatic, but it was the only thing that worked for me. So I did a lot of Gabby Bernstein work back in the day and she did something that really helped me with reprogramming. So it's, you know, when that thought comes in, it's saying, oh, that's a fear thought. Like, that's not a thought that's gonna move me forward and catching it. So every single thought, every single time. And I used to go on really long runs, like three times a week. I used to do six mile runs. And let me tell you, the amount of thoughts that would pop in my head that were negative, that would actually slow down my run and make me wanna walk. I don't know if you've experienced that. Like, you're gonna go work out and you think of these thoughts and all the things you have to do for the day and something that goes wrong. And all of a sudden the 15 pound weight you have in your hand feels like 500 pounds. And you just kind of like want to leave the gym because you are giving your energy thoughts, not the workout. And that's exactly how this happens when you're giving negative Thoughts, your energy. You drain all energy from your body. Go try it at the gym. Think a positive thought while you're lifting weights and then think a really negative thought. You probably won't be able to complete your reps. I promise you. It's the craziest thing on Earth because it drains your energy. So we need you to start catching your thoughts, all of them. For some of you, this is going to feel like this is all you do all day long. You're like, oh, my God, my brain is so crazy. Like, all I do is think negative thoughts. What I do is because I want a physical anchor when I do it, because I want to logically and physically feel when I'm thinking bad thoughts. So while I was on my run, I'd be running and I'd think like, oh, my God, what if this doesn't work out? Oh, my God, what if this happens? Oh, my God, what if someone's sick? What if I'm sick? What if, like, all of these crazy thoughts and I would. I would take my hand. So I have my right hand right now, and I have my left hand out as if I'm going to kind of clap. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to flip my right hand up and I'm going to have the back of my hand and I'm just going to kind of smack it on my left hand and say, no, that's not the thought that I want to be thinking. Like, that's a fear thought. No, get it out of your head. And what the clap does for me is it's just a moment of stop. Like, stop it, wake up. That is not a thought from God. That is a thought from elsewhere, if you know what I'm saying. That wants to take you down. That's not a thought from God. That's not a thought that's going to move you forward. And then I. I work really hard to insert a thought that does. Because here's the difference. Some people just go, no, that's a fear thought. And all it does is make you feel bad. So what I want you to do is say, here's how I want to be thinking. Or, God, what is the thought that you want me to replace this with? The part that gets a little tricky that I want you to understand. If you have a reoccurring thought over and over again, I need you to create a reoccurring mantra. Because some people really struggle with, well, what's the positive thought? Because when you're in a negative place, you can't think of one. So whenever I would have, like, a speaking thing coming up, or when I thought, I'll never be a public speaker and that's what I wanted to do, I'm like, no, I'm too anxious for that. I'll pass out in front of people. I'll never make it on stage. Like, that's the scariest thing I've ever done. I'll never be able to finish a speech in my life. Like, I get panic attacks around large groups of people, let alone if I'm on stage. Obviously, those are all thoughts I want to be smacking the back of my hand over. So what I'm going to say is, no, I can learn this. I was built for this. God, put this in my heart. I'm going to get the training around it. I'm going to feel so empowered around this. And I can't wait to be able to feel powerful on stage and share my message or I know I'm a powerful public speaker and I will continue to learn how to be like, I came up with things that I could grab that were a couple sentences long that you need that to be your new default thought. So now I don't have. I get the fear thought still all the time around public speaking, but I'm like, nope. And I insert whatever it is that I have, the new powerful mantra that I have. So this also helps. You know, when these thoughts come in. You can use that exercise that I gave you last week, which is, is this a now thing, is this a later thing? Or is this a not for me thing? And you can smack your hand and go, nope, this isn't for me. God, take this thought for me, especially if it's not for you at all. I'm like, that's what I say all the time. Nope, this is not for me. God, take this fear thought from me. Here's what I want to focus on. And then I start thinking about things going right. I start thinking about if everything works out in my favor, how is that going to feel? I put myself on the stage. I put myself looking at my bank account, watching all the money come in. You guys, you have to picture everything working out for you like a crazy person. You need to take those crazy thoughts and turn them into crazy good thoughts over and over. But you have to continue to interrupt that pattern. So whatever kind of physical thing you can do. A lot of people say they used to try the rubber band, but I'm not always going to wear. I'm not going to wear a rubber band around my wrist. Okay. It really messes with my style, if you know what I mean. Like, I'm going to just do the little smack thing and I'm going to replace my thought in my head and if you can I say it out loud if no one's around you. Like, there's so much power in actually hearing your words and saying, having it come through your body.

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So I just want you to remember the the columns, the three minute brain sort where it's kind of just like write three columns of the thoughts that are going through your head all of the time and see if they can fall under the now, later and not for me. And this is going to be huge for you and maybe create the consistent thoughts that keep coming up. I want you to create some quick mantras that you can grab to insert throughout the day. So you guys I want you to remember overthinking is not, you're not broken. Your brain is wired to think consistently, to scan everything because you got to take care of yourself, your kids, your family, the house. You got to make sure you're protected from so many things and everything that's going on out in the world. So thinking overthinking is truly like, that's, that is a superpower. But you need to know what to do with those thoughts. You must know what to do with those thoughts. So you guys, I hope this really helps. I hope that you try it and don't give up on it. Because I have done this for years and years and years and it's really changed my life. And the more that I can control my thoughts, the more I can actually handle in my life. So a lot of people are like, oh my God, you have so much going on. How do you do all of this? How do you handle the stress and all of the things that come with it? I'm like, it's the thoughts that come with it that are the overwhelming parts. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of work, but most people get drained by the thoughts that they're thinking long before they get drained by the actual work. So if you're thinking of great things and how everything can always work out, those are actually life giving thoughts and those are energizing thoughts. So there is unlimited energy that we can get as human beings throughout the day. It's not going to come from coffee, it's not going to come from food. It's not going to come from, you know, the things that you think it's going to come from. It's going to come from what thoughts we are thinking. Does that thought energize you? Does it give you life? Does it give you hope? Or are you thinking scary, horrible death thoughts? Meaning like things that you're scared about. Are you going to be rejected? Are you going to fail? Are you, are you actually one of those people as well who is constantly thinking about what could go wrong and how everyone around you could get sick or how you could die. Like, this is not thoughts, you guys, that are going to give you life and energy. I'm laughing because this is what we

do and this is what I do, right?

This is literally what we do. I remember driving with a friend and I'm like, do you get like crazy thoughts like all the time in your head? This was like back in the beginning of my journey and I'm like, that just like drain you in the background. And she was like, oh, yeah. Like, we're driving right now and I'm thinking about how these electrical poles could come down and, like, completely electrocute us. And I'm like, this is insane. Literally, this is exactly, exactly how it works. Like, like, that is the level in which our brains work. Like, hey, this could happen. Should I marinate on it? The answer is no. Insert a positive thought of how everything could go right. We can get to our destination, we can have the best time at this networking party, and then we can continue on. Right? But this is what our brain is made for. So, you guys, I hope that you don't feel as alone in your chaotic brain and know that this is just what we deal with every day, but it is going to work with training. And so I promise you, if you do this for three to six months, you're already gonna notice that you're gonna start choosing something different. So I'm sending you. So much love, you guys. And I just wanna let you know that if you have not tried Glosi yet, you have to go check it out. For Code happy, you get 40% off of a new subscription. Are you kidding me? Like, I literally was on a podcast yesterday with Leanne Lopez Mosley, who is freaking amazing. One of my brand new favorite people, like, obsessed, obsessed with her. And she drank a glossy while we were there and she's like, why does this feel like this is exactly what my body needed today? As I was filming all day long, I was like, because it literally is everything that you need to feel better, to reset. Skip that second cup of coffee in the afternoon, or if you're going to do it, also add the glossy because it's going to change your life. Like, not only are you going to look amazing and your skin is going to be awesome, but you're going to feel incredible and it's going to help so much with bloating and mood. You guys, the things that are in there are insane. So go check it out. Code happy for 40% off. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.