The Worst Dates We’ve Ever Been On, Our Love Languages, and Times We Were Envious

Our family really bonded over food and alcohol and having to change the way that we all interacted together when we got together. And that took a good couple years to have the conversation of, like, asking for healthier food at the get togethers and asking to not be pressured into eating it or drinking. That was a really, really hard one. And it caused a lot of tension and they thought that I had my priorities wrong. And we're back with another episode of He Said, she Said.

We're back from sleeping. You took a nap this afternoon. How'd that feel?

Oh, my gosh, it felt amazing. I had the craziest, best week of speaking and traveling. I had three different speaking events that I was at in three different places.

In three different days, back to back.

Get home, just traveling.

But I would.

I got home the second night at like 11pm to wake up the next day to go travel to San Diego.

Yeah.

So it was very busy, but I loved it. Like, it was. It's actually a dream. I would love to be having lots of weeks like that. But, my God, this morning we did a webinar for our Italy trip, sharing that with everybody and filling that. And after the webinar, I was like, peace, I gotta go take a nap.

Yeah. And that went really well, by the way. Tons of people grabbed seats already. And that just happened like, today, like, a few hours ago. If you guys want to check that out, you can go to Chrisharder Me Italy again, chrisharder Me Italy and go grab one of those last seats and travel with us in October.

Dream trip.

First class. Dreamtrip.

Oh, my God. It got me so excited because we had put together the PowerPoint for it. And I got to see everything that Rob and Kim had put together.

Beautiful.

The visuals. So I literally can't wait to be on that trip with everyone.

Seriously. I hope you get, like, some of you people that listen to show all the time message us all that it'd be awesome to travel with you guys. So go to Chrishard me for. Okay, I got a question for you.

Yeah.

Before we kind of do these other questions.

Meow.

What was that?

I'm saying. Yeah, but adding meow. Okay.

Give me a fun glossy fact, because glossy's crushing it. The before and afters are crushing it. And I'm going to prompt you to give, like, a fun glossy fact on these.

Well, glossy fact. So a lot of people use topical hyaluronic acid, but hyaluronic acid is something that your body makes. And so when you also ingest hyaluronic acid, you are going to notice that your skin is retaining water. So this is not water retention, like bloating. This is your actual skin. Like your layer of skin on your face is going to retain a little bit more water. So what happens is that kind of gives the appearance of filling out fine lines. Like, you know when people like drink too much or eat crappy food and you wake up the next day and you're just like, you feel like your skin looks more wrinkly and everything, you're just dehydrated. And so what hyaluronic acid helps do is it helps hold that water underneath that layer of skin so that you look just like more plump, hydrated, refreshed.

Oh my God, that's awesome. Now I have, and I'm not making claims here, but you guys, I haven't done anything else in my life. Like, I don't do skin. I used to the same bar soap that I clean my butt with on my face. You know, I know there's a big debate around is that, is that sanitary or not sanitary?

Soap is self cleaning.

That's why soap is self sanitizing. That's why I do it. Anyhow, I don't do anything for my face at all. But since I've been drinking glossy twice a day, I have a sunspot, that very dark one on my right eye that is going away and like really mostly gone away. And I'm like, what? Wtf? What is that coincidence? I'm not saying it's because of it, but I haven't changed a fricking thing else.

I know what's going on. Almost gone. Like I'm looking at it right now. It's tiny.

I know, it's so weird. Anyhow, so go to get glossy G L O c. I get glossy.com and you get a discount form. What is it?

You can use Code Happy. And I really, really want you to try it because whether you're really into skin care or not, this is like, I'm telling you, it's like, yes, definitely amazing for your skin and how you look, but my God, for how you feel with this probiotic, vitamin C, magnesium, prickly pear, coconut water powder, zinc. Guys, it is doing incredible things, let alone, you know, making you look awesome. So go check it out. Go read the reviews. Like, don't listen to me. Go read the reviews on the website.

Love it. Getglossy.com code happy for 15% off. Okay, so Lori and I started this show, this series, right? He said, she Said a few years back because we're like, hey, you know, people always ask about us as a couple, and when they get to know us as a couple, it's more fun. So, you know, let's just do this episode once a week because we want people to get to know us more. Like, we want you to understand how we tick and why are we successful and how do we get around the bad moments and all that stuff. And I think we've done a pretty good job on the show of, you know, just being ourselves. But I know that we do a lot of teaching and we do a lot of, like, here's three ways to do this, or here's this lesson, or here's that. And we can't help ourselves. Right. We're just teachers. We like to teach. But once in a while, I want to mix it up. And so I thought this episode would be more fun, and you'll find lessons, you'll find inspiration in it, but it'd be more fun just to kind of find out what's real for us right now. Like, what are you going through? What am I going through? And maybe what kind of lessons can they draw from it? So. Sound good?

Yeah. I also have this question deck I was going to ask you.

Yo, you're going to use that?

Yeah.

Okay. Do you want to start with a question deck? You want me to ask you a random question?

I'm going to ask you a random question.

Oh, crap. All right, here we go. Go ahead.

All right.

I just went and recorded a podcast with Liz Moody, and she has these decks that are called healthier Together.

Shout out to Liz Moody. By the way, she's in our elite mastermind. She's awesome.

Yes. I had so much fun with her on the podcast, and I got to go on hers too, which was really fun. All right, so what activities or situations deplete you and what activities and situations invigorate you?

Small talk in busy settings completely deplete me. I cannot go to, like, you know, let's say there's 50 people in a room, 100 people in a room, and do the, oh, nice to meet you. You know, how's the weather? Like, shallow, non surface talk. Can't do it. Most painful thing in the world. If you ever do that with me, you'll tell I'm probably acting socially awkward because I can't handle small talk. I want to go deep right away. Like, I want to meet you and be like, oh, great to meet you. Where are you from? Oh, Florida. That's cool. So what are you working on right now? That you're excited about. Like, I want to know those things right away. So if we're just staying surface, it's painful and it depletes me. And I leave that night exhausted. If I can lock in with a few people and learn about them and add value to them, like, oh, you're working on this project. I know a guy. Let me connect you. That fills me up, and that's more fun than anything on the planet. Now you got to answer it.

I mean, honestly, the same thing really depletes me when I'm not going deep with anyone. It feels, like, purposeless. So I get really tired. And I also get really tired in big rooms full of a lot of people. I really get invigorated doing things. So I like small groups, like, going and learning things. So learning lights my brain on fire. So I love maybe dance class, art. I would love to do pottery, riding horses. I'm a very active person. I like learning. So surfing, wake surfing. My brain loves to do things and figure things out. It's the only time that it totally turns off and just focuses on one thing, and that feels so free to me.

Lori's a doer, and I've got no problem not doing anything right. So, like, let's say we had a free Saturday afternoon or something like that. I am so, okay, flipping on the TV and watching a couple of random 80s movies. She can't. She wants to be doing, let's get out on the boat, let's go for a bike ride. Let's go for a hike. Let's go do this. Let's. She is a doer, and we're just built so differently when it comes to that. But that's good. Know thyself. All right, well, what other question is in this deck here? This really is random, you guys. Like, we're just kind of pulling these out.

Oh, man.

So I'm a little bit scared.

Share a hot button issue that has caused tension in a friendship, family, or romantic relationship. How did you move through it?

Lending money to friends or family should always be a absolute nut. Now, that doesn't mean that you don't give them money. What it means is when you lend money to a friend or family and you expect it to be paid back, that's where the problem arises. I know you feel like, well, I worked hard for this money. I should get it back down the road sometime. But I'm telling you, give it or help them in a different way. Do not lend it. And here's why. When you lend money to somebody, then it makes it awkward for both parties. Let's say you lent your money to a friend or a cousin or whatever, and all of a sudden they want to go out to dinner on an anniversary. All they're worried about is, oh my God, so and so is going to see us out to dinner. And I owe them money, and it just kind of ruins the whole thing for them. At least if they're good people, they'll feel that way. And then the same thing happens. You might see them on a little weekend vacation or something where they've been working so hard and they just need a break because humans need break. But what do you do? You build a story. What are they doing over there in Napa? They literally still owe us money, blah, blah, blah. So I'm telling you, it just creates problems. Give money to help somebody out without strings attached. If they want to give it back down the road, great, take it. But don't lend money to friends or family. It just causes problems.

I also think you could lend, though, if you're trying to. Like, it depends on the family member. Like, teach a lesson if it's a much younger family member or if it's a, like a child or something like that. But I think that you could. This is my personal opinion. I know exactly how you feel about it. But if I was to lend, I would lend without expectation of getting it back.

Well, then that's giving and that. So all you're doing is adding possible awkwardness for no reason when you don't expect to get it back. So that just proves my point. Like, I'm. I'm staunch on this one, you know, and I've lived through this, this is real life type situation. I'm telling you guys, the best advice when it comes to friends and family, if you can help them out financially, give it to them with no strings attached. Don't lend it to them. It just adds a layer of anxiety and animosity and stress to it. All right, now you got to answer this one, same question back to you.

Share a hot button issue that has caused tension in friendship, family, or romantic relationships. The one that popped up for me was right away when I had some major fitness goals of wanting to be on the COVID of a magazine and wanting to compete in fitness competitions. And our family really bonded over food and alcohol and having to change the way that we all interacted together when we got together. And that took a good couple years to have the conversation of like, asking for healthier food at the get togethers and asking to not be Pressured into eating it or drinking. That was a really, really hard one. And it caused a lot of tension. And I think that people didn't. They thought that I had my priorities wrong. And that was a hard one.

I love it. These are actually fun. Shout out to Liz Moody for these. These question cards. What's another one? Let's see.

What's your love language? Can you share a time that you feel someone spoke it?

Well, mine's physical touch and then time spent together. Those two things in that order. Right. So with you, Lori, obviously it's get over here on the couch, come cuddle with me during this movie. What are you doing over there? Like that kind of thing. That is my absolute love language is physical touch first and then quality time spent together second. Hey, let's go away for a weekend or let's spend this Saturday roaming together or let's do whatever. That's an easy one for me to answer. What's yours?

First one is words of affirmation. But I do feel a lot more like I didn't know I was physical touch. And I think that I am. Physical touch and acts of service.

Acts of service for sure.

So I would say that those are my two other second and third dairy. Third dairy and third.

How's the third?

We're making up words thirdary because, you know, I love, love, love words of affirmation. But I can tell you that the busier that I've gotten, I've actually found that, you know, being held by you cuddling, having that time to just kind of like lay by you and hugs, hugs from girlfriends. And even just like noticing that I more touchy feely with my friends than I used to be because I didn't know that that was a love language for me. Even just like when I talk to them, like my hands on their shoulders or like, you know, when you seriously like braiding their hair. Like, not. That's not even weird. Like it's actual like emotions that you feel like you want to do. But I used to hold back because I grew up, like not thinking that that was like normal or okay. Even though my. So my dad hugged all the time. So did my mom. But my friend friends never like, they didn't really hug much or we weren't like girls who braided each other's hair or anything like that. In fact, we made fun of it. So as I would get those like, urges later on to just be like, oh, I'm actually really affectionate person to like, you know, sit next to this person or whatever. That looks like. Like I avoided it. And I noticed that that actually makes me feel bad because I don't feel as close to people.

That's interesting. Notice how neither one of ours. By the way, guys, go read the book about the five love love languages. But notice how neither one of ours is gifts.

We never buy each other gifts.

We don't give gifts. We don't like getting gifts. We don't like getting things. That's just not who we are. Why do you think that is? And it's not because we already have everything we want. I just think we're not things people.

I think we like buying ourselves our own things.

Yeah. Yeah.

Because you and I definitely like going shopping.

Definitely.

I like going shopping with you as you buy your own things.

Yeah, See? But I see as time spent. And then there's a side effect if we accidentally came home with these bags.

True. I like that one.

All right, what's the next question to question deck?

Share a story of one amazing and one awful dating experience. Let's just go. One awful dating experience.

One awful. God, this is 21 plus years ago.

It'll be fun.

How in the world am I going to think of that? Do you have one?

Yeah.

Okay, you go first.

So I went to dinner with this guy and I met him at work, and, like, he had come into work and I went to dinner with him, and he immediately, like, we go to the hostess stand and the hostess is, like, hot. I remember he is hitting on the hostess and then literally tells me how hot she is when we sit down at dinner right away. And I was so checked out. And I finished the dinner with this guy, but it was like, my actual worst nightmare.

Oof.

Yeah.

That's pretty brutal, actually. How are you gonna do that on a date? Okay, mine. I was dating this girl in my early 20s, and you know how the first six months could be absolutely awesome, and then all of a sudden, someone just changes on a dime and they become an absolute psychopath. Like, this person did exactly that. You know what I'm talking about? But I'm not gonna say their name. So, okay. We get into some kind of fight out of the bars. Because that's what you do when you're at the bars, Right? It's just going to lead to some kind of fight when you're that age, especially if one person's a psychopath. And she went her way, I went my way, I stayed out. She apparently had a key to the place. Went back to my house, stole my Lincoln Navigator out of the garage. And drove it like somewhere, like stole it, stole it. And so I got home at bar time and I'm like, where's my car? Where's my truck? Why is it not in the garage? Obviously didn't tell me. So I called the police and I'm like, hey, I want to report a stolen vehicle. Like, my car's been stolen. And it didn't dawn on me that she would do this. And so they called me back, I don't know, maybe an hour later and like, hey, we found your vehicle and there's a person named Blank driving it. What do you, what do you want us to do?

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Now I should add some context because this is going to seem really cold. They're like, do you want press charges or not? The context I want to add is complete psychopath action after complete psychopath action where I probably should have ended that thing earlier. But remember, the first six months were so good. I was like, maybe it's just a phase. Like really just horribly abusive psychopath things on her end. So I was so angry when the cops called, like, hey, what do you want to do? I'll press charges or what? I'm like, yep, take her down. I want to press charges.

Yeah. She had pushed you to your limits.

At that point and they literally took her to jail that night. Then I didn't end up pressing charges, but I just felt like I wanted to give her that experience as an fu. Is that bad or what?

Well, no, there are other things that actually physically happened that it was time to.

Yeah.

Let her know that you were done.

Yep. Or I could have just broke up with her.

Yeah.

These cars are, you know, early 20s. This is what comes out. So.

Oh my. So moral of the story, don't steal my cars. I'll. I'll have you arrested.

That's good.

All right, should we do one more or wrap this thing up? Let's do a rapid fire one.

Okay. Share a story of a Time when you felt really envious.

Oh, God, I don't have one. Offhand, do you have one?

I do. When I really was first in the. Not even first, maybe five years into personal development, and I just. I followed all these women, and they were authors and they were freaking amazing. And they had a big friend group. I wouldn't even say a big friend group. There's like five of them who are always, you know, on each other's stages and just, you know, their books were crushing it. And I remember just feeling so envious of, like, how can I get in that friend group? Why am I not invited into that friend group? Why are they not asking me to speak on stages now? They were much further ahead of me, but something in me was just, like, so envious that it hurt. And I overcame it by Cause that's the second question on here. By creating my own friend group of people who were at my level, on the same exact journey and really going deep with them. Because in actuality, what I wanted, the reason I was envious is because I felt so deeply lonely at that time in my life.

That's interesting. I'm trying so hard to think of one, and I'm just not an envious person. Like, that's actually luckily not been. One of my tricks traits is to be jealous. I'm inspired by people. If anything, if they're in great shape, I'm inspired.

You were never jealous of someone, like, selling a company or super fit or an athlete.

I literally get so inspired by. Of course. I wish. Like, why aren't I there yet? But hold on. I've got a point here. Okay, so I can't think of an instance or an instant where I was envious. It's never been, like, a core trade of mine. But I will say, what you just answered totally resonated. When you're, like, watching certain groups be really close friends, I'd say that's the closest I've come to envy over the years. Like, yeah, dang it. Like, why aren't they inviting me?

They're doing really cool things.

Why aren't I a part of that project? Exactly.

I know.

And my solution to it is exactly what you just said. It's build your own damn group and go conquer the world. And we've talked about that from stages, right? Like, stop looking up to the left and stop looking up to the right and stop looking way down the road saying, gosh, you know, why aren't I 100 miles down the road with that group and start looking to your immediate left and start looking to your immediate right and start looking who's immediately in front of you and say, hey, you want to be the next group of people who are absolutely kicking ass because you got talent, I've got talent, and I really think that we can turn into something special in the next couple of years. And boom, every year there's a new it group, and it can literally be you if you take that stance.

Yeah, I love that.

Love it. All right, guys, well, hopefully you got value out of this. One, got to know us a little bit more. Two, hopefully you guys pulled some lessons out of this. I'd be curious. Feel free to text us or DM us any answers to these questions that you have. I love when you guys give us feedback on these episodes and let us know if you like this format as well. We'll sprinkle it in once in a while. Thanks for listening. And don't forget, go to get glossy com coupon code happy for 15% off. Support my wife and then get better skin. Thanks for listening, guys.

You guys are the best. Thank you.