This Is Why You're Getting Stuck On Your Goals

If you are feeling stuck, there are literally things that you can do. You need to make a plan, you need to get a deadline, and you need to find what that pressure is and how to add it in order for you to make sure that you show up for what you truly want and who you truly are.

And we're back with another episode of.

He Said, she Said.

You are, like, massively on fire since we got back. And I mean on fire like you're hot, but also on fire like in momentum since we got back from the mastermind that Brendan Burchard put on for all of us. Why do you think that is?

I mean, there's so many reasons when you go into a room like that, like, the. Let me tell you, the up level was real. You guys especially, I fully understand how you're feeling right now. If some of you have ever gone to a mastermind, or maybe you're newer, maybe you're going to one that's really going to stretch you. That was this for us. I mean, you know, there are people who are so far ahead of us, and it was one of the most inspiring. Well, it was the most inspiring room I've actually ever been in in my entire life. And the reason that I've been on fire is because I have a plan in all of the areas where I felt stuck.

In other words, you got a destination.

I have multiple destinations now where it's like I knew where I wanted to go, but I did not have a clear path. And not just I didn't have a clear path path. I was overly busy and didn't think I had time for the things that I needed to do. So a couple things needed to happen. I needed to make room. So I ended up stopping a project that I was going to do in a. In a big way this year so that I could focus on just purely my company growth, the podcast growth, and list building. Because at the end of the day, your list, in my personal opinion, your list is everything.

And clarify for those that may not know what you mean.

My email list.

Building your email list. Building your text list.

Building my text list. Because when I launch my company or when I launch something else that I want to do, whether that's, you know, masterminds or whatever that is down the road.

No idea yet.

Yeah, but definitely when I launch the product for the company, that that is going to be the thing that's going to give us the biggest success. And I hope that you guys hear this for anything that you're launching. I always think of this in terms of are you continually filling and backfilling your audience? And we really got to see this firsthand if we rewind to the beginning of our career when we started network marketing. And I could always see where people were going wrong. Even if they had, like a really hot start, right? Like, oh my gosh, like right out of the gates, they're getting all these people signing all these people up, ran.

Out of audience, and then all of.

A sudden it's like the well is dry, the pipeline is no longer full. They've run out of audience. They tapped out their audience, they tapped out their family, they tapped out their friends. And while they were running so hard trying to get everybody in this current audience, they forgot to focus on having a plan around continuing to attract more audience. And just like you say, and just like we always say in our masterminds, I don't know who said at first, but it's never a content problem. It's never a money problem. It's never a, you know, your courses problem. It's always an audience, an audience problem.

Because you can, if, if you have a large enough audience, you can, in theory, sell as many widgets as you want to sell to your audience, right? Because there's always something called the sales bell curve. And these aren't the exact numbers, but I'm going to use easy ones for you to understand. 10%, no matter what your product is, no matter how poorly you market it, no matter what you say, 10% of your audience will always buy because they're raving fans. 10%, no matter how good of a deal it is, no matter how good a product, will never buy because they are raging skeptics forever. That's just how they are in life. What makes you good at sales or not is can you capture that 80% in between those two 10 percents right now? Don't get attached to the numbers. I want you to get attached to the theory. Maybe it's 2% will always buy from you and 10% will never buy from you. What do you do with 88% in between? The point is, there's a certain percentage of your audience that will always, always buy from you as long as you've never burnt them in the past. So if that holds true, then you have an audience problem. If 2% will always buy from your audience, then what that means is if you have 100 people, two people will buy. And if you want to make 10 sales, you either have to get better at selling or 5x your audience. In that example, if you had 500 people, 2% bought. Now you'd make 10 sales. So then if you want to make 100 sales, you got to get 5,000 people in your audience. If you want to make. Right. And so on and so on. It scales. So the whole point is you have gotten fired up because you realize to launch your company that you're about to launch. Finally, Hallelujah. Oh, my God, I'm so excited for you because I know how tumultuous that's been, but also. What's that?

I said tumultuous.

Tumultuous, yes. We won't go there right now.

Best growth way. We'll do a whole podcast on that.

So for you to launch that and simultaneously launch things that you want to launch in the future, you needed to refocus on actively growing your audience. And I want to jump in here, too, because people might be listening to the show and they've heard your show's numbers. They're massive, right? You're coming up on 50 million downloads and a couple million listeners per month and a whole nine yards. They're like, well, isn't that enough audience? Yes, but that's an audience you're renting. People understand. Like, if you have a social media audience or if you speak on someone's stage for an hour, or if you are, you know, got a podcast where people don't have to tune in all the time, you're renting that audience, and your goal is to move it from an audience you rent to an audience you own. That means no algorithm's gonna throw it off. That means that you're not gonna get booted off the platform. An audience you own, there's only two of them, really. It's your text list and your email list. And you realize, holy cow, I've got to take some of these audiences I'm renting and refocus them to moving them over to an audience that you own so you can send the right messaging and know it's going to reach them.

And, you know, it's so funny because you guys listening, like, you probably listen to a ton of different podcasts. You probably have things in your business that, like, you've heard these things before. We teach this. We have an amazing course on a lot of the things that I'm going to be focusing on called Be Online. Like, we have taught this. But what can happen is you can just kind of get off course and feel like, you know, especially with a new company, it can feel like it's all so important that you can lose sight of what's really important, the fundamentals. And you can forget that. Okay, if I just have this, if I just understand this, everything else, for the most part, of course you have to have a really great product. And of course you have to somewhat understand marketing, but you could be an expert in marketing, but if you don't have the audience for it to land on, then you don't have an audience.

Okay, I want to take this, though. I don't want this to be an episode about audience. I want to go more macro. Right, let's go. Zoom out for a minute. The reason why you stopped actively growing your audience, AKA felt stuck, AKA was floundering, is because you didn't have a target in mind. You didn't know where you were going. Exactly. So doing the fundamentals felt useless. You weren't motivated to grow your audience. You weren't motivated to get them on your email list. You weren't motivated to cultivate that email list. You weren't motivated to do all the things that it takes because you didn't know where the hell, what the end game was. You didn't know where you were going. And just recently, and I'll let you know, you can get into it later, but now that you know what your pivot is, now that you're excited about your end goal, now that you have a target, now you see, and now you're motivated to work backwards from that target, hence doing the fundamentals. So my point is this. When you don't have a target, then of course you're not going to do the fundamentals because the payoff is not in sight. If you don't know where you're trying to go, then it doesn't make sense to even start on the journey. And you're not motivated to start on the journey because you don't know what the payoff is. You don't know what the destination is going to be. So you just stay stuck.

Yeah, for sure. If you're feeling really frustrated, it's because you don't have a clear plan. Because if you had a plan, you wouldn't feel frustrated because you'd be waking up every day and knowing what you should be working on. And then you'd work on it, even if it was small, even if it was an hour. I'm telling you, when you're working on things that move the needle, that are spending specific to your goal and you get closer to your goal, you won't feel frustrated because you'll know frustration truly comes from not knowing if you're Doing the right thing, not knowing what you should do. Let's talk about no motivation. I was really trying to break down the no motivation thing throughout my career and throughout what was even happening to me over the last, like, two years. And part of it is, it's not that I can't make myself work. I can. But that motivation, that fire in your belly, what is that? I wasn't. I didn't have a clear attachment. Again, I didn't have a clear target or attachment to the reward. I didn't know what it could look like. I didn't know what my numbers should necessarily be because it was all over the place. I didn't have the right people that I should talk or that I could be talking to to find these things. And I had to find them. I had to figure it out. I had to find the people who could help me with this type of plan. So again, it's all coming back to frustration. Lack of motivation is all not having a plan.

So here's. Here's the crux, right? If you don't have a final destination, then you aren't motivated to do the right things to get there. But even if you know what your final destination is, even if you know where you want to end up, if it feels too far away, then it's almost just as damaging as not knowing it. Because it feels so far away that you feel like this small, fundamental baby step here and the small, fundamental baby step there isn't going to deliver any kind of payoff that is worth the dopamine hit. So you don't do the consistent, monotonous things the way that you should, right? So you've got to build in milestones. If you know where your final destination is, then you've got to work backwards and build in milestones, checkpoints that feel good, checkpoints that are worth celebrating. So it might be. I want to build my email list, and when I get the first 1,000 people on there, that's a checkpoint, that's a milestone. Now, if your end goal was to sell $100,000,000 in product, and you knew that to sell $100 million in product, that was going to take hundreds of thousands of people on an email list that felt too far away. So you say, the first thousand I get, that's a milestone, and I can be motivated by that milestone, then you got to set a second waypoint. All right? When I hit 5,000, I'm going to celebrate it. When I hit 20,000, I'm going to celebrate because your checkpoints, your milestones have to be believable or you're not going to be motivated just the same as if you didn't even have that destination. Here's an example, and I use this example of empathy. People that have incredible amounts of weight to lose hundreds and hundreds of pounds, a lot of times people will judge them. They'll say, well, why don't they just do the right things? Why don't they just not eat the food? Why don't they just exercise a little? It's because the destination feels so far away that by doing the right thing for a day or two or even a week, the dent in the destination is so minuscule that there's no true reward felt. And without feeling rewards along the way, we as humans don't continue. Well, the same goes for your business. You've got to build in those checkpoints and build in those rewards or you're not going to go.

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Okay, let's hit on one last thing. Can't stick to it, right? Maybe you've heard that before as well. If you are not able to stick to it even after you have the plan, this means that you are lacking deadlines and pressure and support. And some people might say, well, I don't have the support. You guys have the support. You know, this is why it's happening. We have had to create the support. It does not. Trust me. The support did not come, in fact, you know, with when we first started really wanting to go to the next level and make more money because we were really struggling and really break what was family conditioning and patterns. We got a lot of pushback, and we talk about this on. On quite a few of our podcasts. And now everything is amazing. And our family supports us times a bazillion. But we got a lot of pushback because it wasn't in line with their values for us to be working as much as we were or their goals or their goals. So when our goals changed and we had to work a lot more, there was actually no opposite of support. There was a lot of negative pressure around being upset about us working as much as we were. But we got out of that one through a lot of communication.

Well, let me expand on that. It's very important that in order to receive positive accountability, you need to receive that positive accountability by people who understand your goals and are aligned with them. So let's use that example. Years and years ago, our family goal was how much time can we spend together? Right? That was their goal. For us. The more time spent together, the better. Our family goal. Our goal for the family was different. It was financial freedom for the family so we could take care of them from now through eternity. Those goals were not aligned until we communicated how one provided the other. Right? If we were willing to roll up our sleeves and not around as much and work more than we wanted to work for a certain period of time, then we'd be able to spend even more time together as a family because of the financial freedom that that would create. But when those goals weren't talked about, when those goals weren't aligned, there was not any positive accountability. There was negative pull away from your goal. So, number one, you have to inform the stakeholders in your life, right? Those are the most important people. You have to inform the most important people in your life what the goal is and why and how does it affect them. What's the big picture then? Number two, they're either in or they're out. The ones that are in, great. The ones that are out, you're going to have to put up a barrier between the ones that aren't supporting even after you explain where you're going. And you have to go find other positive peer pressure, I call it. So first it's family and friends, next it becomes positive peer pressure. What's that? Your peers. The people in a mastermind, so to speak. Or just people at your level or people that are a little bit ahead of you. You tell here's my goal by here's when I want to get there and I want you to hold me accountable. And now that, now that you tell your peers, I think there's no one scarier to tell than your peers. Right? Once you tell your peers what your goal is, damn it, you feel like you got to deliver or else. And there's nothing better than positive peer pressure. Enrolling your peers and holding you accountable by putting your stake in the ground and saying, here is what I'm going to accomplish come hell or high water, deadlines and pressure.

And with the piercing. I love it. Because when we go into these groups, masterminds, when we form these groups, whatever we're doing to look for support, we align with people who have the same core values, same core values and mission around showing up for yourself, wanting to follow through, go for your goals and wanting to support each other.

And I want to add one and that dream really, really big, if that's one of your values.

So if you don't show up in this group, like you have agreed that if you're joining this group, you are agreeing to show up as a person who shows up for yourself, who follows through on your goals and who shows up for others. And I'll tell you that when you go back and you haven't done these things, you feel it and you're not as connected to the people and you definitely feel like an odd man out. And let me tell you that that is a driver for me, it's a driver for everyone.

It's such a huge, so real life example. We were just in the mastermind that Brendan put on. You know, everybody's there, Ed Milet and Jamie Korn Lima and Jay Shetty and everybody. Like, not just peers, but people that you aspire to be at their level, right? Because they're good people doing really great things. And when you stand up in that room, you say, hey, I'm building this peer to peer lending app, right? This is me. I'm building this peer to peer lending app. Here's the timeline. Beta is in late summer, early spring, first quarter, 2024. We're launching, we're raising this much money. I can't go back to this mastermind next year and have not hit those targets. Now. Some delays happen, but I can't go back and still be in the same place I am today. Like, no, you have no idea. The positive peer pressure, the positive peer pressure that has applied to make sure I keep the pace of this app cruising.

Like, if you don't have, if you don't have that or create that, I don't know if you're going to follow through when it gets really hard. You guys. You know, one of the reasons when I was thinking if I wanted to take on investors for my company was not only because I'm so passionate about women learning about investing so that their opportunities expand, but also because I will tell you, last year I would have quit if I did not have investors that I did not want to disappoint. I would have totally frickin threw this idea out and done something easier. Done something easier.

That would have brought less happiness.

That would have brought far less happiness. I would have gone back to what I already know. Even though I know that my, my next big level up and challenge awaits. I would have gone back. I would have, I would have gone back.

We go back to the easy things that we know we'd be good at.

Yes. And instead I was forced to pivot, to uplevel, to figure it out, to put myself in rooms that are even more uncomfortable, where the answers really are for where I'm going. And it was horrendous. It was horrible. I actually wished, like, wished I did not have them for a while because I felt so deeply saddened that I was disappointing people. And it felt like so much pressure that I couldn't handle it for a long time. But what happens is that's the only way to expand your capacity is to put yourself under pressure and figure out how the heck to manage it. And I was forced to figure out how to manage all of this pressure. And on the other side, I can tell you that I am a different person. My capacity to hold things, to look at things, to have compassion, to move through things, to problem solve, to get shit done faster, smarter, reevaluate. If, you know, do I need to pivot? What does this look like? Like, I am such a sharper business person because I had to stick to it. I didn't have an out. And without investors, I would have had an out. And maybe for some of you guys listening, if you don't have a mastermind, you have an out. If you don't have a friend group that you declare this to, if you don't declare it online, if you don't have something to hold you accountable, if you don't hire your first hire, if you don't have a team, you know, you don't go and create that business partner, then you have an out. And you're not going to show up for your highest self because there's not enough pressure. There's.

Yep. All right, let's put a bow on this thing. So what's your message? If you had to sum all this up, what's your message?

My message is that if you are feeling stuck, there are literally things that you can do. You need to make a plan, you need to get a deadline, and you need to find what that pressure is and how to add it in order for you to make sure that you show up for what you truly want and who you truly are.

Mine is this. I would sum it up by if you don't know your final destination, you're not going anywhere. It's not that you're not a motivated person. You're not motivated because you don't know where the hell you're going. That's number one. Number two, if you know your final destination, but it feels too far away, then you haven't built tangible milestones, to get the dopamine hit, to do the small fundamentals on a regular basis. Because the main payoff is so far away, you got to have little payoffs that are much closer. And then the third thing is you've got to be able to proclaim to those who will intimidate you the most. Friends, family or your peers. You gotta enroll them in your vision, number one. And number two, proclaim where you're going and feed off that positive peer pressure. You do those three things I just talked about, you're finally going to take action. You're not going to be stuck anymore.

All right, you guys, we'll see you next week.

Thanks for listening. Love and appreciate you.

Sam.