Transitions, Decisions & Limiting Beliefs: Insights For Uncertain Times | Living Room Session Q&A With Natalie Ellis, CEO & Co-Founder Of bossbabe

You don't get to pick how long your transitions are, AKA winters. They can be two years, they can be five years. You will come out of it. And the longer they are, the more beautiful they are on the other side. So do not seek to come out of the winter. You will come out on your own. And the more you seek it, the more you're resisting the lesson. Hey everyone, welcome back to the show. This is another live living room session that I am doing with my incredible friend Lindsay Schwartz, who has the Powerhouse Women podcast and live event. She's also one of my besties, so I think you'll get that pretty quickly. She brings out the best slash worst in me, meaning my humor gets real real good guys. It's one of the most fun things that we get to do and this particular episode is brought to you by the Good Vibe Studio. It is a production playground based in Phoenix, Arizona. It's women owned oper and it was built for photographers, content creators, podcasters, filmmakers and all creatives. It has five studio spaces available for rent. Each studio offers a different vibe for diversity and creative content. And to learn more about the studio and their memberships or even rentals. And you know, you guys can host something like we're hosting there if you're interested in that as well. You can go follow the Good Vibe Studios or just visit the Good Vibe Studio. The links are below in the show notes. We also have a really special guest at this living room session and we decided to surprise the audience and they were freaking out. You guys, I think you're gonna love this one. It is all about the transitions in our life and really what they feel like. So we talked about how instead of calling it a pivot, we're calling it an evolution, we're calling it an upgrade. So get ready because a lot of you are resisting your upgrade right now. And after this episod mode, you're going to be ready to evolve into that butterfly that you know you're meant to be. We get real. We are raw, we're hilarious in our opinions. So that's up to you to decide, but I think you're going to love it. Let's get started. This is the super fun part for us and you guys. So this is the part where you get to ask all of your questions. So with that, you guys are on podcast as well. Three podcasts, you are on PowerhouseWomen, you are on the Boss Babe podcast, and you are on the Earn your happy show. Don't stress you're only going out to millions and Millions and millions of listeners.

Millions.

No big deal. So if you were smart, you would say your name and really quickly what you do and maybe what your handle is amazing. Let's get started. Who's got the first question? Oh, man.

Lindsay.

Okay, I'm gonna. So let's go with Sam. Cause it was her birthday yesterday.

Okay.

Can we go to Sam today? I see you here. The birthday queen. Hi.

Yeah, I'm Sam.

I'm a sound healer.

Sam Epants.

That's where you can find me. My question is for all of you ladies, is when you are shining your brightest, what keeps you shining when people.

Want to cast their shadow on you?

I know.

Yeah.

Actually, sound baths.

With Sam. With Sam.

That's legitimately one of our tools.

Last Thursday rocked my world with you.

So that.

Yes, it was a sound bath. Just in case anyone was wondering.

In the backseat of your car. Just kidding. It was so weird.

I liked it. You took that in such a wrong direction. Now I'm thinking about what that would look like. Shining. What keeps us shining when people want to cast a shadow.

I'll go first. I think that doing your own work is really important. I'm a big advocate of investing in coaches, mentorship, community health, all of those things. Because I know if I feel my best and I have an outlet, I have a coach, someone to speak to, then things can get reframed. If I'm feeling my best, if I'm feeling healthy, I've got a better energy to deal with things. I notice that things bother me the most when I haven't got a healthy outlet, you know? And a healthy outlet is not a friend that tells you, yeah, she was being such a bitch. Like, that's not a healthy outlet. A healthy outlet is someone that can really call you forward and help you reframe things. And then also just doing my. Taking my supplements, trying to get my sleep, my nutrition, Working out those things just gives me a better way of dealing with things, I think. Yes.

Same friends, for sure. My group of people around me.

Always.

Always. It's typically that first is kind of the. If maybe I've. It's a moment of losing shine. Like, oh, this is really going downhill hill. Or you just feeling terrible. Sometimes it's those conversations that guide you back. Sometimes you need that. It's interesting. Friends. But also sometimes it's a podcast. Sometimes. You know, I went back to a cycle class today, and I haven't really been doing cardio like that lately. And all of a sudden I was crying during a song going, oh, God, I'm back. Like, I feel. I finally feel back. It's like, it's a million little moments of doing things for yourself, even just honestly booking that session with you. I used to do things like that all the time, and I haven't, because I've been so in the tactical with my business that I've put that on the back burner. It's like, oh, I'll do that later. Or honestly, I can feel like I don't need it. Like, I actually don't want it. I'm like, no, because I'm so in the tactical, or just I'm all good, right? But I'm actually not. Like, I need to tap back into kind of the shine in the light, in the who am I in the connection? And it's all of those things. So it's kind of stopping to ask yourself, what do you need? And you won't always get an answer, because I didn't get an answer recently. And it was kind of like, well, I'm gonna try some things, right? I'm gonna go back to the cycle class. I'm gonna go book a sound bath. I'm gonna go on fitness walks with Lindsay so I can get all the answers. I'm gonna go hang out with, you know, a couple that I absolutely love. This is all moments when you get these shiny moments back and all of that equals, oh, that's right. I'm back. These are the things that make me feel really good, and it's easy to get away from them.

I think the only other thing I would add to that is I'm getting very clear on the people who. When I'm around them, I feel like my light actually turns up what I think is my brightest volume. Or that's a different thing. That's audio. When I'm at my brightest wattage, I pay really close attention to who my light actually turns up around them and where I notice myself dimming it. And I don't make it about them, because, again, if I'm growing, all of this is also a lesson for me. So I'll go into, like, well, what is it? Why did I feel. Why did I dim myself right there? Why did I say that one little thing? Or when I. When they were asking me about this great thing that I did, why did I add the caveat? But. But here's this thing that's not going well, and I just use it all as an expression experiment to teach me how to hold my own light even brighter. Because I do believe, and this is something I Actually, just recently had a huge breakthrough in. Because for my whole life, I really had a fear of being that person for someone else. That my success would make them feel less than in comparison. That was really like the lens I looked at life through. And I read something, I shared it on my podcast, so I'm not going to remember it word for word, but I read something that shifted it in an instant for me. And that's what I love about, like, when we're really searching for our answers, they'll come and they'll come swiftly. And I know, like you are, you have so many great tools in your life to access this, but it was this switch of. It is really our duty, it's our job to show people what it looks like to live a big life. Not one that is built on tearing others down or on competition or on judgment, but a big life that is lived in integrity and through collaboration and lived in a way that shows others that it's possible for them. And the moment I read that, I said that that's my new bar that I'm setting. And I'm just paying really close attention right now. As I get used to this new commitment I've made to myself, where do I notice my light turns up? And where do I notice I was always in control of the dimmer? Where am I dimming it?

Ooh, stuffy mic drop.

Such a great question. Thank you so much for that. Yeah. Next question. Okay. Lana. My name is Lana and I own Pampered Soul Nail Salon and Spa in Scottsdale.

Amazing.

Where Lindsay gets her nails done on our handle.

This is Lana.

It's Lana. Hi.

Hi.

This is extreme.

It's right here. And our handle is Pampered Soul. And my question is, have any one of you experienced a quite extended transition period?

And whether you have or haven't, what.

Would be the best tips you give on it? And I'm talking like a year. I mean, you're sibling. So we'll let her go first.

Yes. You don't get to pick how long your transitions are, AKA winters. They can be two years, they can be five years. You will come out of it. And the longer they are, the more beautiful they are on the other side. So do not seek to come out of the winter. You will come out on your own. And the more you seek it, the more you're resisting the lesson. So it's so interesting, like when you're surfing. I know about surfing. So I can talk about this. I feel like we have to talk about this now.

Looks at each Other.

Do you know I'm qualified to use this analogy when you're surfing?

So this is so interesting. So you want to get out past the break, and there are a lot of waves, and the waves will come, like, can come small at first. They come in sets, and then they can come really big. And so what happens is the beginners want to continue to get over the wave, right? We want to keep on paddling, and we always try to want to get over the wave. So in winters, we're like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to get over this. We're going to get through it. We're going to get to what's.

What's next?

What's next? I want to be on the other side of the wave, and the pros literally go headfirst into the wave and they pop out the other side. So what happens with beginners is we keep going on the big wave and we want to get over it, but what happens is the wave is too big, so it pushes us back. And we're in winter again. So we're like, nope, I don't want to dive in. That's really fricking scary. I don't know how to do it because you actually have to push your board down and dive through and trust that you're going to come up. You always will. But it doesn't feel that way. You see a big wave coming at you and you're like, I'm not diving into that wave. Oh, my God, I'll never make it. Except seasoned pros are like, dive through easy. They didn't waste all their energy. They're already to the other wave, and you're back at shore again. So I believe this is what's happening with our winters. Over and over and over again. We're like, come on. Oh, there's the sunshine. I must be out. Oh, my God. I'm gonna start something new, something else. And it's like, what have we really sat and said? What is the lesson? What's around me right now? What am I observing? Why am I doing it? Like, don't rush it.

Just sit in it.

You know what my husband says to me? That bastard. He always says, that handsome bastard. I say, I feel so depressed. I feel so anxious. I don't know. Like, this is the worst season ever. And he's like, enjoy it. I'm like, enjoy it.

That's such a husband thing.

It's such a husband thing to say.

And I'm like, psycho.

Thanks for that. Yeah, exactly. Thanks for the help. Psycho. And he turns around, I'm like. Then I call Lindsay and I need a walk. And she calms me down. But enjoy it. I say that to myself now it seems like the most psychotic thing to say, but I'm like, enjoy it. Do you know why it's contrast? Because if it was good all the time, you wouldn't enjoy that. I know lots of people. Hey, Natalie, we have lived in la. Lots of people who you're just like, you have everything. Very unhappy people. Like, enjoy the winter because it is what makes that first sunlight feel like nothing. You can even literally imagine. And the winters are where you meet the next version of yourself. So I know we want to rush it, but man, there's always going to be those. And don't dread them because they're always going to come, right? Sometimes we get the summer, we get to the summer and we're like, I'm never going to have a winter like that again.

Meanwhile, Frosty the Snowman is back there. Just like, just you wait.

Can he do that?

Yeah, with his stick hands.

I think it's like, all right, so.

You guys gotta be here live. You missed the hand gestures.

Oh, yeah. I'm so sorry. Everyone listening. It was really funny though.

I'm like, I have nothing. That was so brilliant. That was so beautiful and such a great question. Yeah, I felt that so deeply. Next question. Rick Coffey, everybody in the house. Big kid Rick.

Hi. Yes, I'm Rick. I'm a dance fitness instructor. Big kid Rick. On social media platforms. So fun to follow. Please go follow him.

So fun. Go follow him right now. That's what you were meant to get out of this podcast.

Yes, follow me.

You just switched into radio announcer voice.

I need to learn about that voice later. Later.

I'm interested to hear in your times.

Of transition or starting something new, what.

Your most recurring self limiting thoughts have.

Been and how you learned to put.

Those thoughts where they belong. Such a great question. Thank you. Wow. Well, honestly, mine I shared with the first question. It was just. It's always like this. And what happens for me, I don't know anyone else is the fears or the limiting thoughts will come back dressed in a different outfit. So I'm like, oh, I'm over the people pleasing. So over it. And then it comes back in a different form and I realized there was just like another layer to it. So for me, it's always been that fear that as I go to the next level, it's making other people feel less than or it's dimming someone else's. Success when that's really not the case. So that's been the most recurring for me, especially as I'm going to, like, new levels, is I want to turn around and I want to be like, is everybody okay with this? And then I find the one person, like way in the back in the corner who's just really unhappy with everything. And I'm like, oh, sir, you're not okay. I'm just gonna stay right here until you smile. Obviously, I've learned that you can't do that, but that's been the one for me.

Do you know yours?

I think mine probably is this fear of will I lose momentum? Will I lose everything that I've built? All of this momentum that's happening for me right now. I've heard some of the mastermind we were at. Laurie, our friend Jamie was talking about this, how that was a big fear of hers as well. And when she spoke about it, I really resonated. And what she realized was the momentum never stops because we are the momentum. If we can create it once, we can create it twice, five times, 10 times. And I think I can get into a place of telling myself a story. If I can't create that again, I can't do that again. And it's like, wait, if I was the one that did it the first time, surely I can be the one who does it a second time.

It's never a fluke.

Yeah. And I really have to remind myself of that often.

Mine, definitely it can morph a little bit, but for me, I can find that. I know that I have the idea. And it's like, you know that. But then kind of when you. You get out in the world and you start getting this idea out there, I really, really look for validation. And it's to my demise quite often. And I do it often. Like I watch my. I'll have out of body experiences going, you're doing it again. Like thinking that I need someone with me on this path because to just say, you're good enough, you're worthy, it's kind of like I'm always desiring to be popular. And when I do that, and that is a deep childhood thing, you guys, that is full on abandonment all through my early years and twenties, that when I do that, I find all the people who abandoned me literally every single time. And so it's been repeated to me even recently. And I'm like, I did that again and I didn't need it. And so that's the lesson. Like, it was not them. It was fully the energy that I was even putting out there. And it was absolutely like a. When it was reflected back, I was like, oh my gosh, they don't see the value because I didn't show them the value. I was telling them they were all of the value. So there were these moments of just. It doesn't matter what it's in. Sometimes it's in friendships, sometimes it's in podcast guests that you want on like anything like that. Where you are not. Where you're not owning your value in trying to like partner with someone or do something or get someone on a show or, or do anything together, right? If you don't go with your value first, they are absolutely gonna think that you don't hold the value. You know what I'm saying? So this is why you have to show up in these moments of sharing value. Because if we don't go forward with our own worthiness, even when it does not feel that way, it will always be reflected back to you. And it's not their fault. Like, none of what happened to me is any of their fault. 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They don't just help you form your business, they give you the free tools you need after you form it, like operating agreements, meeting minutes and thousands of how to guides that explain the complicated ins and outs of running a business. And let me tell you, this is life changing because I had no idea how much went into this. So don't wait. Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business Identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit www.northwestregisteredagent.com Earn free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent at www.northwestregisteredagent.com forward/earfree so good. Did I even answer that question? I went to a different world. So good. Hi guys, my name is Risa at Risa Costas. I'm a wardrobe stylist and product developer, I suppose. And my question is about momentum, which you were just talking about, Natalie. And I am a serial transitioner if you will.

Always finding myself back in that space.

So once you gain the momentum and.

Once you sort of get there, because.

I find myself going in waves, up and down, up and down.

How do you stay there?

What are your tips, your tricks? Like how do you keep that momentum going when you feel like you know, you might inevitably go back into that transition phase?

What are the tips each transition? Is it out of fear or is it out of misalignment?

Could be both, I think. Usually misalignment because I am a serial people pleaser as well.

So I think I keep saying yes to things because it's for other people and not for.

So I find myself saying yes to.

Somebody else's success in their journey and trying to play a role in that.

And you've talked a lot about that tonight.

So I think it's that I'm like, did she just answer her own question? That was great. I'm like, that was the best ever.

I often do think that when those of us ask those questions, of when we know the answer. But we're so used to just outsourcing and trusting others. But even as you were asking that question, I just felt like you knew the answer already. And that is. I feel like when we continue moving more and more towards what's authentic for us, nothing can pull us off path and nothing can stop the momentum. The only time that stops is when we are on a path that we realize is misaligned with us, that we maybe did it for the wrong reasons. Those things. That's when we need to kind of what you were saying at the beginning, Lindsay, is take a hard stop and really turn and pivot. But if it's more getting in more alignment and saying yes to more of what's here for us, you're not really taking those turns. You're just riding more of the waves. And I think deep down, you know.

That I have something specifically for you. And this is either a good or a bad thing that. I mean, you're one of my best friends, favorite people on the entire planet. As you were asking that question, what hit me was you actually haven't even experienced true momentum yet, meaning the momentum that is awaiting. You have done incredible things, and it's tricky because you are so crazy talented that your halfway looks like other people's full tilt. You haven't ever gone full tilt into all of you because you are the most giving, the most generous person I've ever met. And this is your season. We've talked about this, but this is your time, and this is going to be for someone else listening, too, that this is the time for you to actually experience true momentum because you're going all in on you.

I just think for people like yourself who are talented, people are attracted to you. So you're gonna get a lot of opportunities. And sometimes the more shiny you get, the more opportunities you get that will take you off your course. Truly, I can't imagine what Natalie gets. I really can't imagine what her inbox looks like. I guarantee I could go through her emails and be like, why the fuck are you not taking this? Like, I'll take it. Forward it to me. And they'll be like, who is responding to this? I'll be like, it's Lori harder. You don't know me, but I'm in. So you have to remember, like, just that if it's pulling from a direction where the hard part is sometimes you don't know where you're going. So you're like, yeah, let's fill time. Let's do that. But you need that space to figure out what is your direction sometimes. So, yeah, just the more shiny you get, the more you got to learn how to say no. Great question.

Next question. My name is Adrienne.

I'm an interior designer, Interior architect, in the process of, like, branching off, starting my own business. You guys talked about being an expert or listening to experts, I should say. But my question is, someone told me recently is, remember that you are the expert in your field, and if you're talking to somebody in your space is to remember that you are the expert to them. So my question would be, how do you remind yourself that you're the expert in your field, and how do you give off that energy? I guess, oh, okay, I gotta hit on this one. Just because you have to sell your vision at every moment of your life. Whenever you open your mouth about what you do, like, you have to let everything melt away and remember that you get to paint what they see about you and about the vision. And so your job as a creator, a founder, a CEO, an owner, is that if you ever open your mouth about anything that you're doing to anyone, it needs to always be about. Even if you're in the shittiest spot ever, you need to paint the vision about where you're going and what the soul of that business is. That's it. So, you know, we've in. In my company, we're pivoting right now. It's really not a secret anymore. I am pivoting from an alcohol company into something else. I will announce it in about two weeks. And it's so good, so much better it is that that whole story will say, when are you supposed to pivot? I'll tell you when you lose your margins and many other things and novels.

I thought you were going to say when you. Margins and marbles.

Well, it comes down to 2, 3 M's. Margins, marbles, and money when you lose. So with that said, we are only ever selling our energy and our enthusiasm. Like, if you Even walk into a room with friends with anything. The person who is most certain, who has the most energy will win every time, no matter what. Right? We have proof of this with our friend Brendon Burchard. He will always win because he checks his energy at the door. But he's got methods for truly, this is. It's not a. But I'm not that person. He wasn't either. When he walks through a door frame, that is his trigger to say, what energy do you want to walk in with? Choose it right now and change it. That's a real life trigger that he worked on. Because I asked him, I'm like, what do you do? He's like, this isn't who I. I'm from Montana. I don't know. This isn't who I am. And I have adopted that because that man, if you are ever around him, he will win you over. And he will win because his energy is so incredible. And so I'm trying to adopt that. Like, you know, maybe my vision completely changed. Maybe this particular dream looks like it may have failed to people, but none of that failed to me. It was all a beautiful lesson. And it's also. I'm painting the picture of where we're going and I'm more energetic than ever. And it's also my choice to do that. But the more energy that I put into it, the bigger it gets and the more people are excited. And so it's such a reminder because I've watched it. I've watched me go, how should I say this?

Should I say all of these things.

That happen and blah, blah, blah. No, where are we going? And what did I learn? So your job is always energy, energy. Paint that vision. Be the person who's over the top about what you want to do. Oh, that's the other thing. I don't care where you are right now. Tell them what you're going to do. Even if you don't believe it and even if it seems crazy and even if it sounds like you don't know anything about what you're talking about because you don't know if it can done. People like Elon Musk, he talks about Mars, everyone.

I'd rather be the crazy person with a big dream.

Exactly. He's like, we're going to Mars. And we're like, you are. So yeah, it is your job to breathe life into that. And yes, when you do that, you will appear crazy at times, but it will pivot and you will be proved true because your. Where your energy is going. Like Your body will physically follow it. It literally will. And your words vibrate as well. So we know that you will attract the people, you will attract the things. And you're also speaking to life. So the more you talk about it, the more energy you put it in, the more people go, oh, what did you say? Oh, I know that vision. That's how you get your thing out there and make it bigger.

And I think another common thing that I see, and I do all the time, is we really sell ourselves short. So if, like, let's say you're going into something that you have not done before, like, you. You've been an interior architect, maybe you haven't been a business owner yet. Find people, and Lori's one of these people for me. And there's so many of you in the room who will remind you what a big deal you are in the things that you downplay. And I'm going through this right now with watching my husband start his new business where we're having these conversations about, like, there's things that are new to him. He can't say he's an expert in those yet, but in those areas, that's where he talks about his vision. He talks about the team that he has around him. He talks about. He doesn't really talk about the things that he's not great at, but what we've done is we built out a resume for him of all the things that he has done that absolutely make him the perfect person to do this next thing. And when we have that story, I think that helped to really. I watched it happen with him. It helped him anchor in to the fact that he's got this. And when he delivers those investor conversations or, you know, when he's delivering the vision, he's so much more sure. And you can feel it. The energy is literally different. So, like, just developing that certainty muscle is such. Such a valuable thing. No matter what stage you're at, if you're starting something new and you're pivoting or if you just are ready to go to the next level and you got to remember who the fuck you are, because that is going to carry you so much further than any skill set. It's like you being anchored in who you are.

I love all of this. And I also just want to share, too. I think some of us and myself included, can get a little bit nervous if we're going to be around other experts, perhaps experts who are also in similar fields to us, and we're like, oh, my goodness, what do I have to bring to this room. What can I offer? What I can tell you from sitting in these rooms for so many years, feeling like that is a true expert will never look at you and think, I'm getting nothing from this person. I know all that shit. A true expert will always be able to learn something from you and always take something from what you're sharing. And so you really are going toe to toe with those people, no matter how long you've been in the business or how long you haven't. And I can really say that's true.

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Next question.

Hi, I'm Bianca. I just launched my Business Boss bash.

It's a party supply shop for celebrating.

Ambitious woman and business showers. Awesome. Business showers.

What we all wish existed. So like a business shower, Like a baby shower?

Exactly. That is.

I was waiting for someone. I was actually thinking about this in my shower this week, not realizing that someone had already started it.

Thank you. Well, let's do it.

My baby is like six years old.

Yeah, that's anniversary.

That's my question.

Is it?

It's not a common thing.

This isn't a normal thing.

So what do you have advice for explaining it to people simply or.

You know what, if there's ever a time that you've had a big idea and you're sharing your vision that people.

Don'T understand without you. So specifically, obviously you want to like for your business specifically. Okay, then we'll talk specifically to you and your business. I would say it just like that. It is like a baby shower for ambitious women who launch a business because it's like birthing a child. You think of this idea, it's, you know, exposing it to the world. What if it's ugly? I'm just kidding. You need your friends there to tell you it's cute. No, but I would find your exact tagline. I'd probably ask a few. I would ask a few people, what is my exact tagline? To, like, summarize this in one sentence. And then I would actually probably throw some for free for some very ambitious women all the time. I would start doing things like that to get it out there, and that would become very clear. I think what that is, and I think, especially right now, I think I would really lean into the fact of, like, what is getting celebrated in our culture and what is not getting celebrated in our culture. And, you know, a lot of women are choosing not to have kids right now. And so a lot of them feel like their business is their baby. Like, I want to have birthday parties for my dog, but no one would come. I don't have kids right now. Well, Lindsey for sure would, but. But I think that I would, like, find your couple things that you can really talk about. Not that women with kids also want to have showers for their businesses, but I would really look creatively at trying to get some other people involved and trying to find what your taglines are and asking people and being like, hey, would you ever want to do one of these? Ask a lot of people how you would get that out there. I think podcasts could be a really fun modality. I think it could be such an Instagramable thing, for sure. I think that you could even. I'm like, for her stuff. I also think there could be fun products around it, things like that.

So I was going to say the exact same thing. I think telling people is good, but showing people is great. Whenever I hear if people are understanding, I'm like, show them. I would do exactly that. I would be just throwing them left, right, and center and making it a thing. And make sure your name is associated with all of it. Like, Boss Bash is the company that do it. I would go all out on that.

And small things can look big on Instagram. You know what I mean?

Like, we had a big thing.

There's three people there. They're in every picture with wigs on.

Yeah. Take outfit changes. I don't know.

No, it is real, everyone. This event was huge. And you're like, okay, so we're gonna vote three of you in these chairs.

Change it up.

Yeah, bring outfits, everyone.

So good. Okay, next question.

So I'm Ashley with Ashley loves wellness. And I think this is a really good question for people that maybe aren't in transition, but are dealing with people that are or associated with people. So my question is, when you have someone that you are love or care about that is in transition, how do you support them best? When you don't understand why they aren't doing the things you wish they would isolate them. So essentially asking like, okay, you're not in transition, but someone else is, how do you like, I personally want to always, like, you need to do this. This is so great.

You got to let down your expectations. They're going to literally kill their growth. I really get this because so I'm watching my husband start his first business and while he's been a huge part of powerhouse women, you guys didn't even know there's a six foot fine, tall drink of water like, he is just delicious. But he's this man behind powerhouse women. He's been a huge part of it. But it's different when he's building his own thing and we have different strengths. And I could easily kill all of his best ideas by inserting my own. I could easily kill his growth, the growth things he's supposed to learn. So I've been watching him go through this process and checking in and asking this new question I just learned from my bestie Risa over there. What does support look like for you right now? What do you need from me right now? But then also when he. He's actually almost too good at outsourcing and he likes to outsource to me. And then I remind him that I actually have my own team and I don't even do this for my own business. But even just. But instead, in that moment, you can figure this out. You can do this. So I think it's part of like learning the love language of the other person. But you know what's been really, really cool? And this is. I could almost cry thinking about this. We're at this stage right now where he is starting to have some momentum and traction. Right after being through the really tough part of the transition, he left a really safe, like, he was at the top of his company in sales and left it all to pursue his big dream. So even that identity shift was really, really difficult. And what I'm seeing now, in hindsight, the biggest gift I gave him was My unwavering belief in him, even at times where I was like, well, I'm a little scared, too. I'm a little scared, too. But then I actually, you know what? I got to sit with. Why am I scared? That's interesting. Because that paycheck of his actually wasn't secure. They almost fired him over some things that, you know, just, like, disagreements. They almost literally cut off his income, so it actually wasn't safe. So what am I putting my faith in? Am I putting my faith in him and us as a team, or am I putting my faith in some company that could just decide to restructure? And he's gone tomorrow? So what I'm noticing, even just, like, the new energy it's brought to our marriage. We've been married 12 years, and I've never been more in love with him. Is this a significant other? Oh, yeah, it's working really well.

It's great.

It's great. And knowing my personality, I could have easily killed that momentum. I could have even killed the magic that it's bringing to our relationship right now by telling him, well, I already know how to do this, and he would have let me, because he really values my opinion, right? So I've had to learn where to really keep my ideas to myself and encourage him to try and fail. Or I was telling Lori today, I'm like, this man started a podcast. Listen, guys, someone needs to come get this man, okay? Because he started a podcast, like, a month ago. And today he goes, oh, I got my first brand deal. And I was like, you what? Because he had the audacity to ask, he sent a DM to one of his favorite companies, was like, hey, I got this podcast. Do you want to sponsor me? So we're now getting free meat.

And.

I'm pumped about it.

But, Right.

You know what he would have said to me? If he would have said, like, hey, I'm gonna message this brand, I probably would have, like, told him all the wrong things. And by him being himself, he's teaching me lessons. So I know it's the hardest thing in the world, especially when it's someone we love. We want to help them. We want to help them shortcut the painful parts that we grew from. So we can't steal their lessons. But the biggest gift we can give is, especially if it's a significant other, all they want to know is that we believe in them. But here's the other thing I said to him in his face. I said, I want you to risk it all, and I will live in a cardboard box with you. If this doesn't work out now, risk it all. Because he needed to hear that permission to know that I'm with him whether or not this idea works out, because I believe in him, and I believe in whoever he'll transform into if this. This idea doesn't go the way he thought, will be a better version of himself that'll come up with the next big idea. That's who he is. And giving him that permission, I have literally watched him flourish, and he is crushing it right now. And I am so grateful that I didn't show up in the way my natural tendency wanted to. Last question. Ooh, who's got one that you just know? It's just like.

Like.

My name's Nikki Metzger.

I own a gym in Old Town called Body. I've owned it for the past 10 years.

I'm also very ADHD, so I have.

My notes here in case I forget.

What I'm gonna ask. Look at her go.

Love this.

So I have a question if you.

Guys ever felt, like, guilt for your success.

Yep.

So I feel. So I feel like, for me, like.

The more success I've experienced, the more stress I feel or more guilt I feel.

And. And maybe, like, I don't know if it's relatable. I didn't come from a lot growing.

Up, so I feel like I'm not deserving of a lot of things.

And even though I feel like I.

Compensate my staff very, very well and very above average of probably what industries, like, the standard is, I just feel like.

I don't know, like, I can't give them, like, my exact lifestyle.

Like, I want them to, like, the experience of, like, I want to give.

Them exactly what my success is, and I feel like that holds me back from moving forward. Or I know that there's more for me, but, like, it just, like, I'm.

Just at, like, a stuck point. Got you. So, yes, you are stopping yourself from something even bigger, which is crazy, because you live a great life and you're amazing, but it's way bigger. And so when we feel like we want to give people that we're robbing them of their grandmother growth and your growth, because you actually have to be the person who deals with what it feels like when people don't understand what the journey is supposed to look like. So it has to be okay that your employees are maybe jealous of you or don't. But here's the thing. When you don't project that they actually typically, 99% of the time won't project that back to you and won't feel that because you're subconsciously feeling it. You're actually telling them over and over that they should feel it.

It.

So until you get into massive abundance and knowing the more abundant that you get, the more that you are going to help other people. And it's just the truth. It just is. And if it's not their journey yet to go there, yeah, they might feel that way and say the things and you'll be really hurt and go, oh, it's not who I am. Okay, that's fine. But you have so many people that you need to show where you're supposed. You have so much. You're supposed to light the path and you are here. Especially if you didn't grow up that way. I don't think any of us did. You're a pattern breaker and you're resisting your upgrade and your calling from God, literally right now. So it's like a moment of, when is this girl gonna get that money, can do more things for more people if she would just go out there and stop, like, feeling bad about it. Money is not a bad thing. A beautiful, abundant life is not a bad thing. It's a really, really good thing. And. And it's how you show up in it. Like, there are so many people that all of these people you're worried about follow online. They only follow them because of their good life. So why would you go back down to make people think it's not possible? Do you know what I'm saying? Especially your employees. Yes. It is so important to remember that you're breaking patterns. And it hurts. It is hard.

It hurts.

You're afraid people are going to it, call you selfish and stingy and, oh, God, she just thinks she's so cool and, oh, she'll only hang out with people with money. I've heard all the things. All the things. And when I stopped worrying about it, I don't hear any of it anymore. Years. None of it. Do you know what I hear? Please show me how. Let me get in the room. I can't wait. Oh, my God, I love what you've done with the money. How do I give you money so I can learn how to make money? That's all I hear. And I do truly feel like most of it's probably in my own head. It's all in your own head. It's all in your own head. There'll be a couple people just because number one, you're projecting and number two, they're Just wired that way. And if it wasn't you, it's someone else, so. But you're here to help them break their pattern until they see you live a life that is very abundant, but you're also a nice person who gives back and helps people and teaches women or teaches people. That's how you break that cycle.

I love that. I would love to add something, too. Just because we want something doesn't mean they do. And this is a lesson I've had to learn with family, friends, so, I mean, so many people. Just because I want a certain lifestyle, a lot of people would look at that and think, that's totally not what I want. And just because we want it, we can't assume everyone else does. And I think the best thing that we can do is never project onto anyone else that they might want it, because that's kind of where might be saying, oh, we know the way. It's saying, hey, if you're ever interested, open door, let's talk about it. And I'm sure if one of your team came to you and said, I want to do what you do, you could say, here's my roadmap. And if they want to get on the roadmap with you, and if they want to start putting in the work like you did, then they might get there. And some people might look at it and say, actually, no, that's not the path for me that doesn't feel aligned. I'm going to go try something else. But at least, you know, you're an example and you get to show and not sugarcoat what it really looked like. And it's that choice twice.

You guys.

I told. I said it at the beginning. This is the best audience we've had so far. Great questions.

This like a vortex. Like, I literally am like, whoa, we're coming out of it.

Like, I'm glad you're keeping time.

I. Yeah, this. I have to, or we'd be here literally all night. Did you guys have fun?

Yeah.

Amazing. Sam.