Why Being Afraid To Be Yourself Will Cost You

The more that you reveal who you really are, the people can find you who truly, truly, truly, deeply connect with you. And those people will reflect back to you this feeling of this crazy deep connectedness and being seen. Welcome back to the show. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. Chris and I are in New York City and we just recorded a he said, she said. We came here to, to visit some friends who have stopped in New York because her family's here who now live in Italy. So the friends that you may see us always traveling with, Rob and Kim Murgatroyd. We also have our friends Darren and Tony here and also Chris's business partner Matt and his amazing wife Jenny, who I just got to meet for the first time and a couple of their kids, which was so much fun to get to hang out and just have those people in your life who just feel like chosen family. This is truly this group of people that we travel with. And I'm telling you, when you travel with people a lot, like we have now been on a lot of trips together, I feel like you get to know people so incredibly fast and you also want to be traveling with a certain type of person. Like, we have been stuck in situations where we did not sleep for like 48 hours because our travel got so messed up. And let me tell you, every single person was such a champ that I literally want to travel with these people the rest of my life because we've been through a lot of different travel experiences together. And you guys know if you've ever traveled with people who aren't great, you're like, holy shit, I am never gonna do that again. That was a nightmare. So when we're on these trips, I feel like we get into the best conversations. I'm talking like three to four hour dinners, three to five hour dinners, like crazy drop ins where you just end up on the most interesting topics and these things about yourself that you've really needed to talk about or explore or have somebody ask you questions or ask you the hard things or reveal some things in your blind spots. Right? So last night was no different. And we were sitting around the table, I was probably three cocktails in to a conversation around really trying to figure out how to be yourself, like really authentically yourself online. And if you listen to the he said, she said this week, that's really what we were chatting about on that as well. And my friend Rob Murgatroyd recently has had just this crazy amount of success on TikTok. Like, after being on Instagram forever, after being on Facebook forever and not really having any traction there, like, he's like, I really didn't have anything there. Like, not a big following, like people. My posts really didn't hit, even though I feel like I was talking about what I wanted to talk about. But I figured out this thing that works on TikTok, right? His TikTok is literally exploding. Like, some of his videos have millions of views and a lot of them have hundreds of thousands. Like, he doesn't really post a video that doesn't get hundreds of thousands of views anymore, which is just insane. And so I said, what is that? What do you think the secret sauce is? And he's like, you know, I stopped doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing and telling people what they should be doing and teaching them. And he said, I started telling stories that mattered to me. And he's like, I know a lot of these stories people might have strong opinions on one way or another, and it invites a lot of opinions, right? So it's like not all of his comments and feedback are positive. In fact, a lot of it is negative. But he has a lot of really amazing comments on there too. And I think that when you're getting out there and when you're first really figuring out who you are in the world as well, you're going to get a lot of that because people have thought you were one way and now you're like, look, yes, that's who I am, but it's not the full picture of who I am. So if you're feeling that way too, like, I am right now really trying to find my voice on the ever changing platforms, like trying to figure out what works on Instagram, how can I show up in a way that feels really good to me? Because my DNA is like, I want to be talking, speaking, teaching, telling stories. So I'm trying to figure out what the heck does that authentically look like to me on this ever changing algorithm and platform, like, what is true to me? And I had this realization last night. And of course Rob is so great at like telling you just like it is. He's like, I don't really know if this is who you are, like, how you're showing up. He's like, I think you're a better storyteller. I think that you're great on stage. I think you're better in these in person conversations. And I'm like, I have to figure out how that's going to translate because here I am Working so hard on Instagram, trying to figure it out, but it's still not there. So what I want to share with you today is like we are ever change it. We are always trying to figure out who we are, how to show up, how to even do this freaking business social media thing that is so vital and required if we are growing and scaling different businesses, especially the ones that are more social businesses, like I'm growing and going to be growing. And so I think last night was just really revealing to me to go and really find the people who are authentically showing up in a way that I want and only studying them, only seeing the story arc that they are telling, only committing to really showing up to the person that we want to be. And this is not going to be a fast process, it's going to be a slow process, but it's also got to be something that you're 100 million percent dedicated to and committed to. And I'm so committed to figuring out who I am every day and also how do I best serve you, how do I best show up? But also how do I do that without betraying myself and showing up as somebody different? Because truly, if you knew me, I'm not fully who I am on this podcast. And it's not that I'm hiding parts of me, it's that I'm not revealing parts of me. So I am trying to do this dance of are people gonna like if they really know who I am? If you are one of my best friends, you know that I swear a lot more, you know that I probably have a 12 year old boy sense of humor, you know that I am gonna tell you exactly how I'm feeling in that moment and let it be okay. However those cards land and I'm gonna do it all with the intention of love and trying to move you into the place that you wanna be faster. And I feel like I've really gotten into a space where I'm so worried about offending people or hurting people that I've actually harmed the message that I'm trying to get across. And I've done it also hurting me and who I am and who God put me here to be. And that is the truth of what I believe. So I'm gonna try to figure that out. Rob's given me a bit of a challenge with TikTok to try to start storytelling and see what that. I'm not a huge fan of TikTok, but I also would love to be able to use this format and I guess it translates well on TikTok. So if you guys want to check out his stuff, he's Robin Murgatroyd on TikTok. And we'll see, we'll see how this goes. But I would love to hear feedback. If you're listening to this right now, just post a story about the podcast. Maybe tell me, like, how are you feeling? Is, like, who you really are translating to who you are online. And the point that I want to make with this, not just to be more yourself, but if you feel like you are not growing the way you want, feel like your audience is not seeing you, if you feel like, oh my God, maybe you're shadow banned because you just don't have the engagement, that's not it, you guys. And it's not the algorithm. It's literally because you're not authentically, truly connecting with your own message and sharing it with those people who would connect with it. Most likely you're like me and it's out of fear of not being liked and it's out of fear of like, oh my God, what will happen? I don't know if I can handle that amount of criticism. Like, maybe I'm too fragile. Like, these are the things that make us who we are. Like, who we came here to be is actually learning how to handle the criticism, letting it be okay that people don't like you. Because the more that you reveal who you really are, the people can find you who truly, truly, truly, deeply connect with you. And those people will reflect back to you this feeling of this crazy deep connectedness and being seen. And if you don't have that right now, it's because we're not showing up fully, authentically.

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Now there are things that you're not gonna need to reveal. Like if you're freaking out and sweating right now, like oh my God, do I have to say all of these things? No, you don't. But you do have to find one thing, two things, three things that you are really passionate about and share those and be really honest about them. And so this is the challenge that I'm facing right now, because if I look at my stuff, I'm like, man, I just feel like I'm really trying to figure out what the hell works right now. And I don't know what that is yet for me. I don't know what that is yet for me. But I think it's sharing authentically the stories of how I really feel when I'm alone and considering different things or thinking different things, or really looking at things and seeing why they work and sharing that. So, you guys, I hope that this helps. Maybe it's just a little bit of permission just to say, I want to start going in this direction, because that's how it starts. This might take you one year. This might take you three years. This might take you five years.

This might.

But eventually, you're going to be freed of the prison that you feel like you're in right now, of this person, like, looking online and seeing people do one thing and then you just repeating it because you think that's what's working. But you have to try a lot of different things that don't work and fail publicly in order to find what really does. But when we do, that's the sweet spot, you guys, and that will even be changing. So I'm sending you so much love. I'd love to hear your feedback on this. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.