Why Everything Is Happening FOR You (Not To You)

That conversation you need to have, that's the way to be a better leader. That other conversation that you need to have in your personal life, that is the way to have the life and relationships that you want. Because ain't no new bestie, ain't no.

New business partner, ain't new Hottie McBody.

Coming into your life. If you can't deal with this conversation now because the level of the person that you want to attract is not going to put up with your shit and your boundary lists, lack of being able to have tough conversations. So you need to deal with that shit now in order to get everything that you want. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. I am so excited to let you know that Glossy has their Black Friday sale going on and it is going to be our biggest discount of the year. So if you're excited to try the new flavors, to try Glow into Bloat, which is the new skin and gut with the improved formulation and the most insane flavors you're ever going to try. If you like watermelon, if you like strawberry, if you like lemon, if you like mixing all of the above, your life is about to be changed. But most of all, if you are heading into the holidays and you want to feel good, you want to take regular poops every day. Yep. That's what we're. That's what we're. That's what we're here for. And if you want to stay hydrated, have your skin look amazing, not wake up feeling like shit and puffy and bloated, it's huge. If you are going to be doing one to two packets a day, I'm telling you, it is my saving grace. When I travel especially, and when I'm a little bit off with my routine, it's the thing that keeps me feeling pretty darn good. And I will tell you, I feel like my skin has not looked this hydrated and this, like, beautiful of a texture that I have right now. I'm just saying, look, I'm proud. I'm loud and proud because I'm doing like three packs a day and it's game changing. It's game changing how my makeup goes on, how people are complimenting me. I'm going to be turning 45 in December and I look pretty good because I feel like my skin is getting all of the nutrients. I feel like I have really awesome skin that I feel so blessed about because I have been feeding it really well for a very long time. And I have to just tell you a story. I've been on 11 fitness magazine covers that have been some of the largest fitness magazines in the world. And they are, you know, back in the day, when they were on stands and all of the exciting things everywhere in airports, on every single magazine stand, it was all very exciting. But every time that they would email me before a shoot, it'd be like two weeks before the shoot. And they always kind of send you this little email, like, to be prepared. And every single email would always say, make sure that you are eating for your skin. Now, what did that mean? They would say, because we don't want to have to airbrush a lot. And when you're not getting the nutrients that you need, maybe if you're dieting down, your skin can look like crap. Like, it can literally not look good. It can be dehydrated. The makeup doesn't go on well. They feel like they have to airbrush. So they tell you to eat certain nutrients, certain fats, and certain vitamins. And so, of course, I took all of this into account because this makes so much sense to me. Of course, if I'm not eating perfectly or eating well, you're gonna see it on your skin, because your skin is your biggest organ. And especially if you're eating foods that are in, you know, that inflame you, especially if you're eating things that can dehydrate you or make your skin look dull or if you're having cocktails, you need to make up for that with nutrients like vitamin C with an amazing probiotic for your gut to help with your gut barrier, your gut lining to help make that stronger with hyaluronic acid, which truly is the thing that helps plump your skin from the inside out. You guys, it's not just about topical hyaluronic acid. And topical hyaluronic acid is awesome. It does help with that plump look with fine, fine lines. Like finding a really good topical hyaluronic acid. I highly recommend it. But when you wash it off, your results wash off too. Where if you drink glossy, your results are always with you, and they're not just on your face. So where you're applying your hyaluronic acid, picture being able to slather hyaluronic acid all through your body. And it's not just about your skin. Hyaluronic acid is a natural thing that your body makes, and it helps lubricate everything. It helps plump the skin. It helps hold water underneath that layer of your skin, and it's also in your joints. So, you guys, all my workout girlies, like, this is so good for. For your joints, for your skin, for anything in your body that requires extra lubrication. Hyaluronic acid is freaking amazing. And we've got an incredible amount in there, the amount that has been studied to show that it's effective. So I'm very excited about that as well. So, you guys, Black Friday. Go check it out. Go to getglosi.com it's site wide and you don't need a coupon because it's already on the page. So just go to the website, check it out, and grab your glossy. I'm so excited. I can't wait for you to have it all through the holidays.

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I think she had, like, I don't even know, six hundred or a thousand people there or something. And I was like, okay, when you play that big and you're willing to go to your edges, like, those are conversations that I want to have with people. I'm like, tell me all about this. What are you doing? And had her on the podcast. And the podcast was incredible, you guys. And one of the things that came up, I was like, that is what my quickie is going to be around. So this might feel a little edgy, it might feel a little emotional, it might feel a little activating. It might not at all. But the idea that trauma, at least the kind I'M talking about today. I know that there's lots of traumas. There's little traumas, there's big traumas. This is not about minimizing trauma. But I will tell you, if you've ever read my book, you know that I have been through some very large versions of trauma, so I never want to minimize anyone's trauma. There are traumas that obviously require deep support, professionals, years of healing, all of the things. But what I'm talking about today are being able to be past those things after the healing, after the moments, and look at them and see how you could learn from them and how they can be some of your biggest opportunities. So what I'm talking about today is the identity shifting moments in our lives that can be related to these moments, the ones where we kind of look and think, why did this happen to me? So what happened on the podcast today is Shoshana was talking about some of these moments, and she said a quote. She said, trauma is the belief that something happened to you and not for you. And I just had this moment of, like, full body. Yes. Because I've looked at everything through my life. Big trauma, little trauma, everything. And now that I'm on the other side of it, I'm able to say, wow. The only difference between me, who has taken those moments and made them powerful for me is that I've been able to ask, instead of, why did that happen to me? I switched that sentence that I used to say all the time, why did this happen to me? I have such bad luck. Oh, my gosh. Like, this is awful. I can't believe this happened to me. And instead I say, why did this happen for me? So trauma is the belief that something happened to you, not for you. That hit me in the gut because every single time I've reframed a painful moment, even the shameful stuff, it's turned into power. So when you ask the question, what if this happened for me? Where could this possibly be guiding me? Everything changes. And that's what I call a miracle moment. When you shift from why did this happen to me? To how could this possibly be guiding me? How could this be possibly keeping me and protecting me from something like this happening again? So I've had drama. I've had moments that brought shame, fear, embarrassment, identity, like full emotional collapse, you guys. Moments where I felt completely unprepared, completely unqualified, completely exposed. I've had moments where I swore, like, why me? Why now? I just feel like this is like one more thing on top of everything, why Am I getting kicked when I'm down? I can't believe I have one more thing that's piling up. Why does everybody else's life feel normal and blessed and gifted? And how did they get all these things but I didn't? But when I look back, my family upbringing and some of the things that maybe I feel resentful around, those things, having to work on the weekends at my dad's shop when other people were out doing whatever the hell they wanted, or having money and spending money and going on trips. Those moments of working shaped my ambition. Those moments shaped my work ethic. Those moments made me realize that going all in or helping the family or doing the hard thing is actually the thing that's going to bring the result later. My early failures in business, my continual failures in business continue to shape my ability to make an even better decision. And they shape my resilience. Being judged publicly shaped my ability to hold all of the visibility, all of the trolls now, all of the people's opinions. And so, you know, I grew up Jehovah's Witness. And you can imagine growing up in a religion where you're not allowed to associate with anyone outside of your religion. And I know in some different places or bigger cities, this might not have been the case. But for me, coming from a very small town, this is what was preached from the stage in my congregation. It was very much, you do not associate with anyone worldly and outside of the religion. And so you can imagine when I went to school in and didn't stand for the Pledge of Allegiance and had to tell everyone during their birthdays that I can't eat their cupcakes and I can't sing them happy birthday and I can't, I don't wish them a happy birthday. And during all of the holidays when people are making arts and crafts, the teacher would come and take me and put me in a completely other isolated room by myself with some arts and crafts of whatever. Like while they were making pumpkins and Christmas trees, I was drawing some hearts by myself, alone, completely alone in another room. And you can imagine that kids also would make a lot of fun of me, especially as it became a teenager in middle school, I was homeschooled through high school, but in middle school, when I wasn't allowed to date and I would have the boys always call me a lesbian, which was super fun. And it was always criticism about the religion and never being allowed to take part in any extracurriculars, stay the night at anyone's house or have any Friend groups, you know, I was a massive weirdo. They weren't used to that. They didn't know how to handle that. So I used to just feel like, why is this happening? Happening to me? This is awful. I hate getting made fun of. I was a little overweight in elementary school and middle school and was constantly made fun of and teased. Me and my sister were both overweight, and she was big tubs and I was little tubs, and I was constantly called a whale. And it literally was like, you know, I'm telling you all these things with now I can see exactly why it happened and how much resilience that has built up for me and how much I understand people who've gone through something like this. And even when I'm saying this right now, it doesn't feel that bad because I feel like I was able to take all of that and really transmute it into understanding what I'm capable of holding now. And so I understand that you have to be different to be an entrepreneur. I understand that you have to be judged in order to break a family pattern. I understand that when I left that religion, I had to choose myself over everything else, even if it meant the possibility of me not being able to talk to my family anymore. And these are all choices that you have to make when you decide to break a pattern and go for your big dream. These are all choices that you have to make when you decide to go for your vision and create a business. And your friends don't like that you're not hanging out with them all the time, or that you're working overtime because you just need to get out of the position you're in right now because you're in so much pain financially, physically, or mentally, or in a relationship that you have to leave whatever that looks like, that if you don't bust through and become a different person on the other side and create something different and create some financial freedom, that you can't go on another second living in this way, and that you can't hold this fucking fake identity that everyone has told you that you have to be in order to be loved. I understand that more than I can possibly tell you. Because I have lived the life of being the person that everybody wanted me to be in order to be accepted, to be loved and even be talked to. Okay, taking a moment for a rich girl tip for you. If you're somewhere between 500k and a million and trying to scale beyond that and feeling weirdly stuck right now, I'm going to tell you Something that no one in your circle is going to ever tell you. You're not stuck. You're just surrounded by people who can't take you where you want to go. So we need to be honest. You've outgrown your current circle. You've outgrown the rooms that you're in. And probably a whole lot of the advice that you have been getting is only going to have you regress or keep you stuck exactly where you are. So, rich girl rule number one, proximity.

Is a power move, you guys.

You can't scale from asking people who haven't buil built what you want.

And number two, if you're the one.

Mentoring everyone, you're in the wrong room. So trust me, Chris and I have learned this the very expensive way. I have to tell you, this is going to hurt. We once paid 75k each for a mastermind where we were the most successful people in the room.

Cute for our ego, terrible for our.

Business and our pocketbooks. That was one of the most expensive, expensive lessons we've ever had to learn. No one was stretching us. No one had the answers that we really needed to scale. No one was playing much bigger than us. And we will never do that again. You guys, everything changed when we finally got into the spaces where people talked. Investments, systems, scale and hiring like CEOs, not just hustling more rooms where conversations literally collapse. Timelines, you guys. And that's why we created the Elite Entrepreneur Mastermind. It is two, three and a half day luxury in person retreats with incredible experiences and it's monthly challenge solving calls, it's direct access to Chris and myself. It's a curated high level network where money moves faster because everyone is thinking so much bigger. Thinking big and making millions of dollars is the baseline in this room. So if you're ready for that type of room that finally matches your ambition. If you're done being the biggest thinker and pouring into everyone in your space and not getting poured into, just go to Instagram and DM me the word apply. Or you can go to show notes and you can click on the link below that says Elite Entrepreneur Mastermind. I will send you all of the detail details and from there we can book a call if you have more questions.

You guys, don't forget about rule number three is to not wait for your.

Circle to elevate you. Get in the room that literally upgrades your entire identity. And we also have the mentor collective Mastermind if you have not hit over 500k yet, so go and check that out. And I am so excited to spend time with you in these incredible in person rooms next year. I know what it means to have to break a pattern, completely break an identity. And I also know what it means to fully see now how that whole story happened for me. Fully see how as a child, sacrificing all of the normal things in a normal child's upbringing, holidays every holidays, birthdays, Christmas, everything, none of that existed in my world. And it was all very much something that people reflected back to me and made fun of me for. Great this now, even though it was very challenging and painful growing up, I can see now how that has made me the most understanding, most resilient, most like able to see the parallels of life, of going, wow, was that building a muscle for me? This has built some of this like most capable muscles of never ever quitting. Like I will never quit because of the resilience that was built through doing all of those things. Not to mention going door to door and knocking on doors throughout my entire life and getting rejected because people wouldn't want to talk about the Bible or about Armageddon or about the end of the world. So my rejection rate was 100%. I never recruited anyone in all of the years that I went door to door. And I will tell you, I went door to door like weekly. So knocking on doors going, hey, do you want to learn about the Bible or do you want to learn about this thing? And the overall answer was no, full on rejection. But I can see how that upbringing, and by the way, my family was doing the most loving job they could. They really believe that committing a hundred percent to this religion is what is going to be the key to everything, saving my life. So I can even see that now. I can see how I'm so glad that they committed a hundred to what they believe. And I'm also grateful that I got to choose between that and the identity and what I believe is a relationship with God now. So I'm really grateful for that upbringing because it shaped my ambition, my resilience and what I'm able to hold. And so, you know, I think sometimes people are getting exactly what I had as a child. Now, meaning it might not be in the form of religion, but everything that I just said, if you're breaking a family pattern, you're going against the grain. If you're breaking a friendship pattern like your friends, they don't want this big life or business or they don't understand why you're doing your little podcast, they don't understand why you're doing these little emails or many chats or these reels about business or, you know, they don't understand why you're trying to fundraise or create this product. They don't understand it. They're gonna talk about you. They're not gonna get it. It's gonna be exactly what I went through. Like, maybe mini bullying, or maybe it's gonna be getting made fun of. Like, it's just the adult version of. So now when I experience it, I'm like, oh, I've been here before. I actually know that this is. This is part of the entire plan. This is part of the game that we are all playing, of entrepreneurship and breaking patterns. So now I'm very used to it. And it's great. And it's okay. Because this is what happens when you go the opposite direction of what everyone is going. When you go the easy route, you fit in great. When you complain, you fit in great. When you think the world is bad, man, do you fit in great. Because misery loves company. But you literally have to know that big work can't be done without big risk, without big vulnerability. So you can't build big things with guarding your identity or your shame around something like not sharing this. Like, I hadn't shared that story very frequently. I didn't share that I didn't graduate high school for years and years because there was so much shame around it. But you're not going to be able to play big without really acknowledging those things and freeing yourself from them. And you can free yourself by telling a few people, or you can free yourself by down the road telling everybody. And that story is going to free so many other people. So every woman you look up to has walked through something that felt impossible. And she's probably carried some deep shame that she didn't use to or that she used to hide. And most people's overnight success is actually just big vulnerability in facing all of their. It's not avoiding the hard stuff. So when we normalize discomfort or when we normalize the expectation that you're gonna lose money, you're gonna feel stupid, you're gonna look inexperienced, you're gonna get trolls, you're gonna question yourself, you're gonna feel like the dumbest person in the room, you guys. That is your rite of passage. All of those things are going to happen. When you have the expectation that they won't. That is when you quit, you just better hold the expectation that you will and know that, yeah, it's not going to be fun. It's not Going to feel great when it happens. You might have a couple days where you just want to go to bed and you're like, I can't believe this. This is awful. I just want to move to an island and, and say, screw people and. And you start believing all people are bad. But you have to go back to the. The belief that people are good and that you're going to be able to help people and that you're going to get through this and you're going to get stronger. So what happens is you get those challenges, you get those things for you. And so with each challenge, you're gonna break down and then you're gonna get stronger afterwards. So it's just like going to the gym. This is another thing that I love about the fact that I have a. Like, I really started in the fitness world. It has helped me run a parallel to life and really understand when things happen. So what happens when you get a really mean troll when you put something out in the world that was your whole heart, right? You really vulnerably express yourself and you're like, oh, my gosh, this is so scary to put this out. But it feels like the work I want to do in the world, like whether it's art or whether it's music or whether it's a course or whether you went on stage and you spoke and someone is just like, that was the worst. And oh my God, what a waste of money and what a con artist. And oh, I hate this stuff, I spent money on it. And this is awful, right? Like, just judge of character, right? Judge of character is like the worst. And so someone says that to you. I want you to think about this. When you go to the gym, you go and you lift as heavy as you can. Like, the heavier you lift, they say, like, the, the, the smaller you get, the tighter you get, the more fit you get. All the things right? So you go to the gym, you go and you lift as heavy as you can. And what happens is when you lift heavy, you are breaking your muscles down. So the more you break down, the stronger you're getting. The more you break that muscle fiber down, the better it's going to build back up. But it doesn't build back up tomorrow at all. What happens? You get onset soreness. So what happens is you're gonna feel sore the next day, and then sometimes on the second day, you feel even fucking worse. It's called 48 hour onset soreness. And what happens is two days later, you're like, oh, this is hitting me. Hard. Like maybe you have that vulnerability hangover, maybe you have that like set in of like, oh, I haven't really exposed myself in this way and now these people are judging my character and they're saying it all online and that I'm a bad person and I will never expose myself again. Right. But what happens is you're gonna go and you're gonna go back and you're gonna talk to your trainer and you're like, shit, I'm sore. And they're gonna say, that's great, it's exactly what's supposed to happen. But what I need you to do is I need you to hit the gym again and I need you to go do more hard things, you know, as you're coming out of this 48 hour onset soreness. Because we wanna break that muscle down again. Now that it's repaired a little bit, we wanna break it down again. We want you to get used to it. Because what happens is you have to go back to back with these challenges so that you stay in moment building muscle and starting to see the results you want. Because what happens is if you don't go back and do another challenge, you let that kind of fade, you kind of start to forget about it. You were like, oh my God, that really hurt. But you know what, I'm going to like get over it, but I'm not going to go do another thing. I'm just going to like fully recover from it and take a while. What happens is when you go back to the gym in another seven days is that you're just as sore. You're like, oh, I'm not doing this enough. Like, you're just as sore, it hurts just as bad. You start to never get used to it because you're taking too much time in between to mope. You're taking too much time to say, I'm so sore.

This sucks, I hate working out.

Is it always going to feel this way? No, it's not always going to feel that way. If you go back to the arena, if you go back to the battlefield, if you go back under the weight rack right away, like, get used to it. It's the exact pat becoming the absolute warrior that you know that you're capable of being like, you are that badass. But you got to throw yourself back under the squat rack in a matter of days. You can't sit and mope about what happened to you and the fact that it's breaking you down and it's so hard. I get it, I totally get it. But you literally cannot stay a victim or you're forever a victim. You have to go into saying, wow, this is for me, wow. I'm so grateful that I experienced this because this is where I get better. Oh, this soreness, this is how I know it's working. Those trolls. That's how you know you're hitting a vein. The, the things, the pushback. That's how you know you're breaking through to your next level. That's how you know you're breaking the pattern of whatever it is that those people's lives have. So if you are getting massive praise and acceptance from people whose lives you don't want, your life will reflect like theirs. If you're getting a bit of rejection and misunderstanding and just not getting what you're doing, you're creating a different life from what they have.

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So you want to be doing the opposite and being misunderstood by the people whose lives that you don't want. So what I want you to think of is, you know, we talked about trauma, but I also want trauma to be interchangeable with problems. So every problem is feedback. Every negative emotion is a signal. It's not a personal attack. So if you wake up and you feel a little depressed, that might be a signal that you drank too much wine last night. Or it might be a signal that you woke up thinking really negative thoughts. Or it might be a signal that you started scrolling way too early and you should be reading a book. So problems expose what we've been avoiding. They expose the growth that we have been avoiding. So problems reflect where we've outsourced our power. So if you're struggling with ads in your company, it might mean that you don't fully understand them and you've been giving that problem to other people. If you feel like you're struggling with getting visibility and you are struggling with getting audience acquisition, it might mean that you've outsourced your social media fully to someone and they don't get it and it sucks. If you've been struggling, maybe you haven't taken the Time to learn manychat that get better at your messaging. I bet your messaging sucks. I bet you couldn't sit and tell me exactly what you do and have someone fully understand and repeat back in one sentence what problems you solve directly. Like I bet you can't say what you do in a bio and have it be clear to someone and say, I need that. When people start saying that to you from one sentence, that's when your messaging becomes really clear. But I bet you're having this problem of not having audience and visibility that you want because you are not taking the time to to fully become an expert in your messaging and audience acquisition. So you've outsourced your power to someone else instead of learning a new skill set. This is where it's hard for everyone. This is where it's hard for me. The places I'm having problems in. I've outsourced my wisdom and I have outsourced the skill set. It doesn't mean you have to do everything forever, but it does mean you have to start understanding it enough to be powerful, right? To be able to guide, to be able to direct. So maybe you've been outsourcing your confidence to someone else's approval. Maybe you've been avoiding that skill that you know you need to know. Your finances, your marketing, asking for help, putting up boundaries. Maybe you've been avoiding a conversation so hard that it's eating at you every single day and it's eating at all of your energy and creativity and you can't seem to get money coming in because you need to have a tough conversation or you need to let someone go, or you need to leave a relationship or you need to decide if you want to completely pivot and switch what you're doing. And maybe the resentment you're feeling is just the universe saying, hey, there's power that you haven't claimed yet within this problem. So instead of overthinking, I want you to take over action. So every minute that you spend overthinking or feeling bad about something that's happened or a mistake that you made is a minute that you could be out of pain because you could be taking action. And action is truly the antidote. So if you redirect the energy that you're spending ruminating into action, your life is going to change faster than you can possibly imagine because God is going to reward you for the level of resistance that you are willing to face. Your next big blessing, your next miracle, your next opportunity is waiting on the other side of the resistance that you are avoiding. And so God, universe, whatever you believe, it rewards the exact amount of courage that you are willing to bring to the table every day. Day. You are going to be rewarded for the amount of judgment, the amount of opposition, the amount of challenge that you can hold in a day. And when you start taking massive action and start realizing that the more opinions and resistance that you can hold, the more you are literally going to get rewarded for this, it starts to become this fun game that just shows up as blessing after blessing after blessing. You will have challenge after challenge after challenge. But I just want you to start looking, looking at them as opportunities instead of this is hard. Just go head first, head first, head first. How do I solve this? Who do I need? What can I do? I feel all this resistance. I know that all of this resistance is the opportunity for expansion. Resistance, guys. Just say it. Fucking resistance training. You don't go to Soul Cycle. You don't go get on a resistance bike and not put resistance on it and whine about why you don't have the result you want. You go to the class and you pile on the resistance so that you can get the result you want and you don't waste your 45 minutes.

So we want the resistance, you guys. It's so exciting.

Like problems come to you as the way. Problems are the way. So what I want you to look at is that conversation you need to have. That's the way to be a better leader. That other conversation that you need to have in your personal life, that is the way to have the life and relationships that you want. Because ain't no new bestie, ain't no new business partner, ain't new Hottie McBody coming into your life. If you, you can't deal with this conversation now because the level of the person that you want to attract is not going to put up with your shit and your boundary lists, lack of being able to have tough conversations. So you need to deal with that now in order to get everything that you want. So the bigger the resistance, the bigger the opportunity. I want you guys to reframe what resistance is. I want you to reframe what your trauma is. I want you to reframe what your problems are. Of course we have to look at them and they happen to you. And it's important to get the help that you need, but it's also really important on the other side to reframe these occurrences that happen to you as opportunities to create a much better life for yourself and all the people around you. So I'm sending you so much love. You're not in this human experience alone. Like, we are all in it together. And nothing is unique to any human. We've all had a version of it in our own story and in our own way. And I think the most powerful thing we can do is share that and know that you are not sitting in this alone. So I'm sending you so much love. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.