Why Your Next Level Feels So Uncomfortable

This podcast is sponsored by Granola. Granola is an AI-powered notepad built for the way real people actually meet. You can try it totally free for 3 months. Just head to granola.ai/earn. Shopify, try the e-commerce platform I trust for Glossy. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/happy. Indeed, need to hire? This is a job for Indeed-sponsored jobs. Just go to indeed.com/podcast right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on Earn Your Happy. Rella. Go to getrella.com and start your 14-day free trial. Use code EARN for 10% off your first 3 months and see why social media teams are ditching the tool Chaos. When we are in these seasons, our old way of operating and thinking and the people that we have supporting us or not supporting us is all revealed to you. And so in order to go where you want to go in your mind that you see and that you feel and that you know, you're being asked to expand your capacity and let go of those old patterns and ways of thinking and potentially people around you who are draining you and say that they cannot come with you. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Earn Your Happy podcast. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And during the season that I'm in, which is one of the most expanded growth seasons of my life. We're gonna dig into that. I thought the most inspirational thing that I could give to you today is the real truth about where I am and what it looks like to be really in a capacity-stretching season, because I know that you have these. I know that you are probably in one. A version of one, and I know that you are going to hit one that's very similar to mine. And so what I want to really start talking about, and I'll be dripping this very slowly, is the reality of what it looks like to actually build. Because I think a lot of people are tapping out before they get the result that they want because the expectation of what it looks like is so fucking skewed, like so skewed. And I'll tell you that one of the biggest things that has happened with me getting entrepreneurial friends and girlfriends and being in mastermind rooms is that it normalizes what this journey actually looks like. So I was just sitting here thinking, like, in March was the 10-year anniversary of Earn Your Happy, and in true entrepreneurial fashion, I did nothing for it. And so number one, I need to figure out how I want to celebrate that. Maybe a live podcast. Would you come? Let me know, DM me. Something in Newport Beach area, OC, in person. Feels like that could be fun, a live podcast celebration. Maybe it'll be 10 years and 3 months, or 10 years and 4 months. But I was like, how am I consistently letting these large life milestones pass me by and being like Not a big deal, you guys. Doing any of this in life, going after goals, going after business growth, doing hard things— like, let me just tell you, I see you. It is not easy. And I know that sometimes these podcasts are the most important ones that you can possibly hear to go, hey, like, not to scare you, but this is really fucking hard. Like, if you signed up for this in your life to become the biggest version that you see in your mind, with every single level comes more resistance and comes asking you to become a new person. And so there's not a whole lot of comfortable space in your life where you're like, oh my gosh, this feels great, life is so good. But there is a whole lot of fulfillment. And so I think you just have to decide which journey that you are signed up for. The one where you get to become the person that you've always envisioned in your head, but experience massive resistance and growth and growing pains and a whole lot of people pulling bullshit shenanigans throughout the history of your career, friendships, family, all of the things that are there for you. And yes, some people might be like, oh gosh, is everything actually for you? Yes. It actually is for your highest growth. But when you're in it, it literally feels like absolute shit. Like, I don't know how to make this better. I don't know how to tell you like, oh my gosh, it's gonna be great. It doesn't feel great when you're in it. It's pretty not cool. And what I wanna share with you today is not only letting you know I am sitting right next to you in this, because guess what? On this journey, I signed up to become her as well. I signed up to become the version in my mind that I have been seeing since I was a little girl, something that I feel is so much bigger. And I am willing to face the tidal wave of whatever that is that comes with becoming someone new and leaving the old behind. And it is a walk through Death Valley. It is a walk through the fire. Order to experience what that feeling is when you know that you are playing fully in all of your gifts. And every single time I've walked through the fire and gotten the upgrade, it's worth it beyond anything that I can tell you. But when you're in it, you question everything. You actually question your friends, you question your family, you question even if this is your intuition or if this is you know, your ego. You're just— we're weeding between everything. And I'll tell you what, it's always both. It's always both because you're human. So you're fighting with both at all times. And there's no wrong answer because we have to experience everything in this life. Like, this life is about experiencing it all and learning from every single thing. So I can tell you that I for sure will look back on 2026 and 2025, especially 2025, as one of the hardest experiences in my life. Now, I am, I am blessed that nobody's dying. Like, we're good in that department right now. But in terms of business and even health challenges, like, this is the— I am at max capacity. Like, nervous system, let me just tell you, when people are like, oh, you're nervous, you need to like get your nervous system right, it has to expand. Yes. And also, it's really challenging to avoid certain things in your life that happen all at once. Like right now, I am in such a massive, massive eye of the storm where I'm seeing my way through at this point. But for a while, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And as one of my friends, Jay, says, he says, "Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is just a train coming at you." And that can be how it feels. But this is when we know that there is one of the largest upgrades on the other side. So if you're in a place where you do not know how you can handle one more thing, you don't even think it's possible that life could hand you one more gut punch, and it does, and this continues to happen, and maybe then there's 10 more things, I will tell you that you are being asked to expand your capacity in order for you to get to where you need to go. Because all growth requires a new capacity, and new capacity is what is going to require you to create and find new coping systems. This is the most important thing that I can tell you, is that when we are in these seasons, our old way of operating and thinking and the people that we have supporting us or not supporting us is all revealed to you. And so in order to go where you want to go in your mind that you see and that you feel and that you know, the current systems and way of being and people around us are not going to be the things that are going to get us to where we need to go. And so I know for me especially, I am in a next level season of compartmentalization, emotional mastery, and learning how to not dwell on certain thoughts. My brain is not my friend a lot of times, and this is requiring so much energy. Thinking of things that happened 2 days ago or thinking of things that are going to happen in the future, or so I think, that never actually happen, like going to worst-case scenario consistently, is draining my battery so much, and it's robbing me of any joy in my life whatsoever. It's robbing me of my relationships. It's starting to impact my health. And I know that if you are here with me, that you know that you also need to find new coping systems for yourself. And so when you feel like you can't handle one more thing, I need you to know that you're not actually breaking. It feels like it. It feels like you're not going to be able to get back up, but you're being asked to take a minute to expand your capacity and let go of those old patterns and ways of thinking and potentially people around you who are draining you and say that they cannot come with you. So when somebody hits that feeling of just like, I literally can't do one more minute, in this life or feeling this way, that's your capacities. Like, that's, that's the edge. That is like capacity is full and it is asking you to think a different way. It is asking for emotional mastery. So it's not that you need less stress, and don't get me wrong, right now I could have really used less stress in my life and some more certainty. Except we absolutely are not— what you want is not going to be coming from a place of certainty. Everything you want is a risk and feels risky, does not feel certain the entire time. But what we do need is our brain and our nervous system and the way that we cope and handle things to hold more. And so your next level doesn't mean that you're going to have less pressure. In fact, there's going to be even more pressure. It requires your brain and the way that you think and the coping mechanisms to all be upgraded and not panic under what's happen— happening, and learn how to let go of our thoughts, compartmentalize our thoughts, and move forward and take care of ourselves. So the first one that we need to really focus on is that emotional mastery part. And I will honestly tell you that I cannot get through this season without so much prayer. And even though it sounds like I'm having an absolute nervous breakdown right now, I promise you I'm actually in a decent place at this point because I have learned how to really, really use friends, use prayer, make sure I'm eating well, make sure I'm sleeping well, make sure I'm really using some different things in my mind to understand that that these are just moments in time and things that you need to move through. So two, we need to really look at our standards and our boundaries. So even though everything feels urgent and important and insane, and it just feels like everything requires your attention, it actually doesn't. And so knowing that you are going to be compartmentalizing what needs you now, what needs you later, what can wait, And then what actually doesn't require any attention from you, and the only reason you're giving it attention is because you're worried about someone liking you. And so this is a season a lot of times, especially for women, where you're actually being asked to let go of what people think. Because I want you to kind of scan through your life right now, and I want you to look at how many less problems or stress or just emotional that things you're carrying emotionally in your mind and in your body, that if you didn't actually care what people thought of you, which is pretty impossible to just do right away, guys, and I think to ever get rid of, but there's ways to start caring less. I want you to think about how many less problems or stresses you would have in your life, because most of the things that we worry about are what other people think of us, what they're saying about us when we're not in the room, and if we're being misunderstood. Like, nobody's gonna understand the full story. Someone is always gonna construe something about you. I mean, especially if you have customers and you have clients and you're offering, you know, the more that you grow, the more you offer high-end things, there's a lot more risk of, you know, different things happening in your business and people saying different things about you and threatening to say different things or whatever that is. Or maybe they didn't like that they can't get a refund or whatever that looks like. Trust me, we have more people come to us about this, and we've had this happen more times than I can tell you, that you have to stick to your actual boundaries and you have to literally let go of the fact that people are not going to like you because most of the stress is coming from this place. Most people's feeling of emotional distress is coming because they are worried about what people think, and it's hard for them to actually run a business because they cannot stick to their boundaries. And they say, this is not worth it, this is too hard, because we get way too emotionally attached. We get way too emotionally stuck on this fear of what other people think of us. And the more that you can let go and know that you are living by your word, know that you are living by the rules that you have already put in that people have agreed to, the more you're going to become free, the more you're going to be able to grow, the more you're going to be able to operate at a very high level, the more you're going to attract the people that you want to attract, the more you're going to grow into that person that you see in your head. So we really have to start looking at our boundaries and know that in order to get more energy during a season like this, you're gonna have to stick to your boundaries more, which means people liking you less, which means letting go of what people think and what people say, and not feeling like you have to defend yourself every second from someone who's not saying something truthful about you anyway. So lots of prayers during this time is all I can tell you. And lots of entrepreneurial friends, because the second you get in a room with entrepreneurs, they say, yeah, I'm dealing with that too. Or yeah, that, that's happened to me multiple times. Here's what I did. And so we need to be in the places and have the people around us who can normalize what we're going through. Or listening to this podcast is helpful because you're like, oh my God, This happens to everybody. This happens all the time. Number 3 is support. Your old coping mechanism might have been to literally never tell people what's going on in your life. And I don't know if this is you, but my God, this has been me. Especially if you come from a family where somehow you decided that you don't want to be the burden in your family. Somewhere along the way, you got this message that you needed to make everybody happy in your family. Now, if this is not you, no worries. I'm sure your trauma is showing up in other ways. But somehow in my brain, it was that I need to make sure that everyone in my family is okay, that they're happy, and that me having any problems at all or sharing anything with anyone was baggage, a burden, and a negative way to get attention. And so For me, I have always been someone who, when somebody shares something online, I've been like, ooh, I feel like that's an attention-getting thing. Now you can think like whatever you want about that. That is my trauma mirroring back to me something that is not true. That is literally me going, ugh, I don't want to be a burden to anybody else. Well, what happens when you never share what you're going through with people? There's a few crazy side effects. One thing is, is that people think that you have a really charmed life and that it must not be hard, and you're hard to learn from because they're like, I— you never have any problems. Your life doesn't seem hard. It doesn't seem like you came from anything hard. It doesn't seem like your day-to-day is hard. And so it's hard to relate to people. And sometimes people have said things to me like, yeah, I just, I just feel like you're a little unrelatable. Like, oh, that seems easy for you. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm doing such a disservice not sharing where I'm actually at. But when I go share, I feel held back because it feels like a negative thing and like I'm trying to get attention in a negative way. And so this is an actual battle for a lot of high achievers. But what this does is it makes us never ask for help or let people show up or even let people see you in a way that you actually need them to, to go, oh, she's human too. And so this is a really important thing, whether you start with, um, your close friends, whether you start with your family. Like, I've recently had something where I haven't even told my family certain things that are going on in my life because I'm like, oh, they don't need it, they have a lot going on in their life, they don't need to know about mine. So, you know, for me in this particular season, literally this morning— don't ask me why I'm podcasting right now because this was only a couple hours ago— but I have 2 biopsies that I have to get because there are 2 lumps found in my breasts, one on my left, one on my right. And I went in my first appointment to get this done, um, had started to share with some people, but the appointment had gotten canceled once I got there. So now I went to the second appointment to get them both done this morning and only could get one done because the other person did not show up to do a second different treatment. Um, but got the first one biopsied, and I will tell you, it's kind of a crazy not easy experience. Like mentally, I think as an overachiever entrepreneur, who I'm pretty sure I'm talking to a lot of you right now, are like, ah, this is going to be a breeze, I'm going to be just fine. Well, it wasn't easy and I didn't feel just fine mentally in there. I'm like so grateful for my personal development skills, but I'm like, this is actually something that's not fun, doesn't feel super easy. Wasn't not painful and is a little bit of a traumatic experience in there because all of a sudden you realize like, wow, okay, I guess I've been really not thinking about what this could actually mean. And so it's so funny, I'm hearing myself say, and so while I'm good, you're also not. And so letting people in— I've now texted friends, I've told— I tell them what's coming up because at this point in my life with my business, all of the things going on, having some challenges in my business, like major challenges that I've never gone through that I need next-level help for. I need friends. I need people to know. I need women to know that when they are choosing their careers and when they are moving forward and doing big things in the world, that this shit is not easy. And so if you're in a season where you feel pummeled and you literally don't know what could possibly come next, I am sitting in the passenger seat with you. Or I'm driving, whichever one you want. We're in the front seat together. But this requires you to seek next-level support, to actually share, to actually say where you're at, because people want to help. And it's important to also know how many people have gone through this, because the little that I shared online about this, I had so many women go, hey, I want you to know I went through that too. I had that done too. Everything turned out great. Like, try not to worry too much until X, Y, and Z. Like, this is So powerful to know just the sheer amount of people who have gone through similar situations and friends who want to be there for you, who want to show up for you in the season, who also remind you like, hey, you know, maybe after that procedure you should just chill the fuck out for the day. Like maybe you don't need to go and do 50 million things because you feel so much pressure around what needs to get done. If you've ever run a business, you know the workplace Chaos is real. I'm talking deadlines slipping, someone's out sick, your tech decides to break mid-launch, and suddenly you're doing 3 people's jobs. Like, I'm totally cool, I'm fine, don't worry about me. 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So the first time I saw Granola's notes after a meeting, I was honestly shocked by how organized and complete everything was. It felt like getting my brain back. Now I can actually stay present in the conversation instead of worrying about capturing every single detail. So if you're in a season of big vision, big conversations, and a lot of moving parts, Granola makes sure nothing falls through the cracks. If meetings are eating up your day, Granola is a no-brainer. You can try it totally free for 3 months. Just head to granola.ai/earn. That's granola.ai/earn to get your time back. Get 3 months free at granola.ai/earn. Rella is something I wish I had way sooner. If you've ever felt like your social media is pure chaos, like I have, like 47 tabs open, Slack messages everywhere, and you're constantly asking, where's that post again? When is it supposed to go out? You know exactly what I mean, because social media isn't just posting. 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So, so much walking, so much walking, so much walking. I use food as a form of just energy and nurturing. Don't get me wrong, I totally, um, I'm still somebody who's like, okay, it's Friday, it's Saturday, I want my cocktail, I want my, you know, whatever, my Peppermint Patties, whatever I'm doing. But I also am fully aware that if I'm not eating well, this affects me in such a negative way, in like an anxiety, depression feeling. So if I can keep my food on point, I notice how much better my brain operates. So I also want you to think like if you're in a place where your brain is not working well for you, where you're like, this really feels like my brain and thoughts are against me, Some of the first places I look are my food, my sugar, my alcohol, and my sleep. And then it's like, am I doing anything that actually brings me some joy? Am I giving myself some space in life to go, hey, guess what? Life is always gonna life you. There's always gonna be something, whether it's, um, family member, friends, business, whatever it is. There will always, always be something. But joy and pain exist on the same highway. It's a two-lane road. They exist every single day on the same day. And if you decide that you have a bad day when bad things happen, you'll have a bad day every single day. You have to know that it's a good day with a bad thing that happened momentarily, or not even a bad thing. Like, I don't even want to label it like that. It's just a thing. Life is not looking at you going, okay, karma is going to be bad to you. It is looking at the fact that it could be two totally different people, one very successful, one very happy, but when the same quote unquote bad or challenging occurrence happens to the successful person, they have a completely different way of looking at it and coping with it. And so they might even have way more challenging bad things that happen to them in one day than the person who has the one bad thing that happened to them who thinks that their life is over because of these things that I'm talking about have been grown, have been expanded, and the perspective in which how we look at them is totally different. So while I'm in this season, I know that I'm in the upgrade of my life. Like, I am so aware that in 3 to 6 months, or 3 months to a year, however long this time frame is, that I am growing exponentially beyond what I can possibly tell you. The value that I'm going to be able to add on the other side of all of these learnings is going to blow people's minds. Like, I know that already in business, my value talking to entrepreneurs in our mastermind rooms— like, there is not one thing someone can say that I cannot bring some perspective, a story, or some really genuine, like, thoughts around, or comfort. Because I know that these experiences are here to grow us. The challenge in front of you is trying to change you. It's trying to upgrade you into the person that you need to become. So if this challenge— I asked this on the last podcast— if this challenge in front of you had wisdom for you, why is it here? What is the deep, deep wisdom of this absolute painful challenge that you are in right now, that you are wishing away, that you don't even think you have another ounce of energy in you to move through this challenge? You guys, The things that I have been experiencing have also just made me so compassionate for people, so compassionate for women, for mothers, for the immense amount of things that majority of people are coping with on a day-to-day basis that I think the joke is on all of us that life is just about working to find joy and feel connected to God and find our people and friendships and figure out these coping mechanisms. And just experience joy on a daily basis, because all we literally have is right now. And so I hope that this meets all of you out there who are pushing for something big, who are really, really desiring to meet that next version of themselves, to step into that life that they are dreaming of, to become that person who feels so connected to God, so powerful, has the friendships that she wants, has the, the family life that she wants. I am praying that, you know, this is a part of it and that it's here to grow you and that it's not failure. It's literally asking you to let go of old patterns, people that are holding you back. It's asking you to ask for help. It's asking you to take next level care of yourself. And it's telling you that that next version of you is literally right there. You can literally almost reach out and touch that version of you because it is so insanely close. And so I already feel like I'm seeing the other side, but when you're in the middle, it feels like there is no way out. Like, you literally can't imagine that you're going to feel excited about life again. Like, it just feels like You don't know up from down. You don't know where to go. You don't know what to do. It is dark. It's not a great spot to be. And I also know this is not the last time I will be in this experience, because this is what comes before a major uplevel. This is what growth looks like. This is what chasing your big dream looks like. And if anyone else tells you this is not a part of it, I have no clue who that person is. You can introduce me to them. But I'm sure they're going through it and they have just leveled up their perspective and figuring it out. But I'm sending you so much love because I never want you to feel alone in this journey. And this is a part of it. This is what we sign up for when we decide to become that next level version of us. And I want to remind you that it will be worth it. You will be so proud of the person that you are and to take care of yourself. Do not burn yourself out. Don't burn yourself to the ground because none of it is worth it. This life is absolutely short. I want you to become that version of yourself. I'm the person who is 1 million percent always cheering you on, but there's different ways. There's another way of moving through this that we can do it, and I want you to make sure that you are asking yourself, what do you need? What support do you need at this level to move through? There is no way I'm getting through this season without prayer. It's like 5 times a day right now. Let me tell you, I can say it's one of the main things that has helped the most. So I think I shared it before, but there's a book called Dangerous Prayers, um, that I absolutely love so much. And I think that it's one of those books that it's like, when it's good, it's really good. And some of the other chapters, like, I'd say No offense to the author, three-quarters of it are just okay and didn't really feel like they applied to me, but the small portion that did changed my life. So take that with a grain of salt. As they say, eat the fruit, spit out the seeds, if we're talking in Bible terms. But I hope that, that if it resonates and calls to you, grab it. If not, don't grab it. But I just always want to share the tools that I am using. And also, without girlfriends right now, I don't even know what I would do. Like, my husband is next level supportive, my family's next level supportive, But my girlfriends have really, really gotten me through this time. And so use your girlfriends, tell them, voice note them. So many of my girlfriends never share anything either because we feel like a burden. So sometimes we have to voice note each other like, hey, what's really going on? How are you? Please let us in. Like, let us, let us help you because it, you know, there's no, there's no reward at the end for holding it all and not telling anyone. And it actually takes away from what I believe real friendship is. You take away the opportunity of your favorite person your favorite friend to actually show up as someone who can help you in their life. And you know that that's when we feel the best, is when we can help other people. So don't rob your friends of the experience of connecting with you deeper and getting to help take care of you during a time of need, because that's when real friendship, uh, truly develops. And so it took me getting very, very vulnerable with friends that I did not want to get vulnerable with, because I always want to show up as a big value add. But that's not how you actually connect with people. So if anything, I hope that that helps you deepen your friendships, you share more, and that this just helps you realize that you're not alone. So I'm sending you guys so much love, and until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone.