5 Sure Signs That It's Time To LEAVE A Man

Five major red flags you should never ignore in a man. When you learn how to spot these red flags, you will finally get to experience the love that you long for. And you won't be wasting time or entertaining these guys who are here for a good time, but not a long time. Okay. My name is Esther Marie Cottle with Magnetize youe Man. I'm the author of Single Shouldn't Suck. And I have helped almost half a million singles learn how to find significance in singleness and their toxic love patterns and find a discernment in dating through my books and resources. And I'm excited for this topic today. Let's jump right in. Red flag number five. We're going to start with five and then work our way to number one. So you have to wait until the end of the video. Red flag number five is the flag of convenience. When it is convenient for him to come see you, and he's not willing to inconvenience himself or make sacrifices in his schedule. And he just kind of works his life around, you know, meeting up with you whenever he has an open slot. And he just happens to always be busy and always have something going on until maybe two hours before he asks to hang out with you. He asks you what you're doing. That is a giant red flag. Oftentimes when guys are expressing that they want to see you and it's last minute or it's anytime, you know, after maybe appropriate hours, visiting hours are closed. It's anytime, maybe past 6pm and they're like, hey, what you doing? You know, and. And it's just, you know, same, same day, kind of ask. This is a red flag. Why? Why is it a red flag? Well, it's because they're not prioritizing you. They're not showing that they're willing to invest in the relationship. They're really just trying to kind of enjoy you and take time to enjoy all the things that you. You make them feel, invest and put effort into creating a moment where y' all can enjoy each other and where he can show you that you are worth his time and that you should also feel like he's worth your time. So an inconvenient red flag should cause you to pause and ask yourself, am I just feeling needed and wanted because someone finds me, you know, enjoyable to be around? Or is this, you know, is this a red flag and it's so important for you to actually look past the fact and be flattered by the idea of someone wanting to spend time with you and realize that this person is not actually pursuing you. Maybe they're pursuing the way you make them feel, but they're not pursuing you in investing in a lifelong relationship. So a big red flag is someone who is just kind of looking to hang, to Netflix and chill, to come hang out and get burritos at midnight and just have an enjoyable evening together, but not actually truly build a foundational relationship that will lead towards a meaningful lifelong relationship. Right? And that's what you want. So it's a giant red flag if the only time he's ever pursuing time with you is in a convenient way for him. Red flag number four, the love bombing flag. This one is so, so, so tricky because I see so many single women out here painting that red flag green. They're just painting away because they love the compliments. They love the love bombing. In fact, they encourage it because they don't see, see that the person is not actually pursuing their heart and pursuing getting to know them. They just, they just think that, yeah, like, this is just normal. Like, he's just obsessed with me. He's just, he wants me and I am God's greatest gift to mankind. So of course he would. Well, I have news for you. This is a giant red flag when a man is overly lavishing his love on you, committing to, you know, a future with you within the first couple of days and saying, I want you to have my babies and I see a future with you and your wifey status to me, and he's telling you all of his emotional baggage from his past, and you guys are sharing your deepest, darkest secrets. While that sounds all lovey dovey, it's actually an indicator that there are no healthy boundaries. And in this relationship, it's an indicator that this person is a bit anxious and in a hurry that he actually is not willing to take the time to respect that you guys are just getting to know each other. And while he might be excited, it's important that that man has discernment and wisdom on what to say and when to say it at the right time. Now, of course there's grace, and no one's perfect, right? Like, we can't be nitpicky. I'm not saying, like, if he's telling you he loves you and he sees a future with you, like, that's a beautiful think. But I cannot tell you how many times that I started to get to know a guy. And within the first couple days, he was like, oh, you wifey, oh, girl, like, you're gonna have my kids. And I was just like, I don't even know your middle name. I don't understand. Like, where is this going? And I remember this one guy, we had met on Instagram, and I gave him my number and I thought he. I thought he was a good guy. He was a Christian. He was a worship leader. He was really cute. And we're talking, we're facet timing, things are good. And he's like, I want to fly out to come visit you on your birthday. And I was like, that sounds. That sounds a bit crazy, but okay, I'm open to it. Because I just thought, oh, he's all about me. And he's like, yeah, your wifey status right there. Like, I think, like, I see a future with us, blah, blah, blah. Well, anyways, long story short, I end up finding someone that knew him. We were mutual friends, and I asked her about him, and she said, esther, he's actually got a girlfriend. And I was like, that's crazy. He said he was gonna FL fly out to come see me. How could he have a girlfriend? And I confronted him about it, and he actually came clean. And so it's crazy how when we think that, that that's just normal. Oh, he's just really finds me attractive. I'm just like, he's just obsessed with me. So that should just be normal, right? Isn't that what we want? No. We want someone who's going to understand that expressing his heart to you is a gift. And you expressing your heart to him is a gift. And it treasured, not trashed. It should not be something that is just overly expressed in a way that is insignificant and does not carry weight. Now, there is a difference between someone just being excited at the onset of a relationship and someone love bombing. Because when I first met my husband, I will say there were moments where he would say, wow, like, I see a future with you and this would be amazing. And I, you know, I can't wait to see what God has for us in our future together. And I remember I posted a video on TikTok and everyone was like, he's love bombing you. Watch out. He's love bombing you. And I was like, is he? I don't know. And so I went to my mentors and my counsel and they said, you know what, Esther? He's actually not love bombing you. He's just excited. And the way we can tell is because he meets that excitement also with healthy boundaries and balances it out with saying, I'm committed to do the journey with you. I think you're amazing. I love you. But I want to get to know you. I want to keep dating you. I want to keep taking you out and learning more about your dreams and your future desires. And when I realized that, that, oh, wow. There can be a time where there's excitement, but it's met with commitment. And it's important that we see the two of those come together because that creates a really healthy foundation and it creates respect for each other, Right? And so we can trust what the other person is saying. They're lavishing their love on us. Because, let's be honest, sometimes women, as women, we're like, yeah, that's all talk, right? And we can't receive. So we don't want to always to be like, that's a red flag. You told me you love me too soon. It's only been three weeks. We're not saying to do that. Don't be critical, but have discernment about the way that you are receiving compliments and listening to the way that this person is talking to you. If they are just making all of these empty promises and you don't see any actions behind what they're saying, there's a chance, chance that it is love bombing. And if it is, that is a giant red flag. Now, I want to stop right here because the red flag of love bombing is actually one of the easiest ways to fall prey to a situationship. I meet so many women who end up in situationships that hold them hostage for years, and they can never break free from that toxic love cycle. And they're in this empty promise of a future together and they can't ever move on because they just think that that person's obsessed with them, but yet he's never committing to them and he's never actually moving the relationship forward. It's kind of just like catch and release, catch and release, and it never moves forward, right? Well, I do not want that to happen to you. But the problem is that so many single women don't know how to tell when this love bombing is occurring. And so I want to teach you and give you a strategy and a tool in your hands so you can spot this red flag of love bombing and you can specifically, specifically call it out for yourself. And you're gonna stop it before it even happens and steals your time and wastes your time in an empty relationship. So I wanna invite you to a free training that I'm having called how to Break Free from Toxic Love Cycles. And in this training, you're gonna learn specifically how to spot that red flag. And you are going to be empowered in the process. So click the link below to get access to that training. I can't wait to see you there. Let's talk about the next red flag, Red number three, which is the controlling flag. Now listen, the controlling flag can come kind of under the radar. The controlling flag can oftentimes be manipulation. Manipulation can be involved and ways in which this person is persuading you to do and believe what they are telling you to do. And you don't even realize that you are going along with it and that you're actually compromising values that you have. You're compromising your own own personal worth, your self, your self worth and your confidence. And you are just buying into everything that this person is telling you to do and believe because you trust them. Right? And this is a very tender and vulnerable place to be. But the controlling flag is something that we often don't even recognize right away but is actually an anxious attachment style in that person. Let's say they're constantly on you about what you're wearing, where you're going, what you're posting on social media and they talk down on you. But then in the midst of that there's like this stroking of, of their love for you and how they're just, they just care so much about you and they just love you. And so there's like this, this kind of like sweetness to the bitterness that they dacker it up with. And you don't even realize that you're being controlled. You didn't even realize that you're actually masking your heart and you're masking what you actually feel because you're afraid of losing this person. You genuinely care about them. But the controlling red flag is something that eventually holds you in bondage and you one day wake up and realize, oh my goodness, like who? I've lost myself. I've so become embedded into this relationship that I didn't even realize I've lost myself in this. And I've allowed this person to control me and I've lost my voice. And so we need to realize that the controlling red flag is something that we can see from an, from an outset view and a different perspective. We don't have to be stuck in it and have a wake up call one day. We can actually see it coming. And so the way to see this red flag is to recognize, okay, like I don't need to be defensive and I don't need to be self protective, but I can use my voice to ask questions and inquire why this person wants to know all this information about me or feels insecure, feels anxious about whatever I'm doing. And let's say maybe you are wearing a bathing suit that feels. It feels a little bit too revealing for that other person to see you in that bathing suit. Well, let's have a conversation with that instead of him being like, you can't wear that. You should never wear that. Well, that's. That's not a way to have a healthy conflict resolution. It's important that that person can receive feedback, and the way that they handle the conversation will reveal if they have that controlling spirit or if they're actually caring about you. And they're saying, actually, I just really love you. And, you know, you can do what you want and you can wear what you want, but I just want you to know that it matters to me that I want people to respect you, and I want people to see the beauty that I see in you. And I really want to. I really want those other areas to be something that's sacred for us. Right? And so there's. There's. There's meaning and there's dimension there. It's not just all a, well, cutthroat and an ultimatum, right? It's. It's very conversational and relational, and we work through conflict. We don't kind of attack each other in the midst of it. Red flag number two, we're almost at the end here. The social media flag. Ooh, this one is a good one. Because, I mean, so many single women who do not want to admit that this bothers them, they act like this does not bother them at the core of their being. I know that it does because I'm a woman and it bothers me. So the social media red flag is when the guys fyp, right, Their for you page or their Explorer page on Instagram looks like an only fans account. When therefore, you page looks like they literally are looking at naked bodies all the time and videos and pictures and everything is provocative. That is a giant red flag. Now, I know there's some women out there. They're like, well, if he's just looking, but he's not acting on it and he's not cheating, then I'm fine with it. Honey, there is no such thing as window shopping when it comes to the area of lust. If they are looking at it, they are lusting in their mind. The mind of a man is very active, and there's. There's nothing at face value that they are looking at. They are consuming it, and they are taking it in and they are having an experience with it that is taking them away from their. Their love and their desire for you. And this is something that is very hidden and not talked about. Many women are afraid of confronting this because if you're insecure, then it's difficult for you to admit that that person is longing for something outside of you. Right? And so you take it so personally, but it's not personal. It's very important that you actually are confident in yourself. You know how to stand up for yourself and you know how to call that out. You should know what it looks like when a man is consumed with lust. If he looks at another woman and he cannot take his ey eyes off her butt and her boobs. He is so overly consumed with just the sexual components of a woman and he cannot look at another woman with respect. It's important that you recognize this because that is such a deep root of. Of, of like. It is a deep root of toxicity in a man, and it turns into a wildfire in a relationship. And so many women want to just glaze over this and just be like, oh, whatever, as long as he doesn't act on it. But the truth is that if his focus is on that, if his for you page is completely full of that, then his heart and his mind is full of it too. And so just because maybe he's committed to the physical relationship of you, but the emotional components and the. And the visual imaginative fantasy is committed to all these other women. That is not a healthy lifestyle. And that is a giant red flag. And so I want to encourage you women out there who are just glazing over this and again, painting that red flag green, do not just move past that if you see that. I mean, obviously there's a time and a place when you're more committed in the relationship. You actually, actually can see that man's for you page. Right? You're not going to just see that on the first couple dates, but as you are getting to know someone, you're dating them and you just happen to see them scrolling on Facebook or scrolling on their Instagram next to you and, and you can even ask them, oh, like, show me what you're interested in. And you see that. Have a healthy conversation about that. There doesn't need to be blaming. There doesn't need to be judgment. Have a healthy conversation about that. And make sure that you let that man know that, hey, when we get married, I want to be. I want to be your whole world when it comes to your sexual pleasure. And you should want Me to be all of that for you and more. And so just know that you should be the sole focus of their desires, both sexually, emotionally, spiritually. You should be the one that is, is their everything in that desire and that there should be no one else competing with you. And you don't need to take that personally, but you should be very vigilant about looking for that red flag. Red flag number one. Are you ready for this? Drum roll, please. The communication flag. All the angels are singing. Because, woman, we love communication. Yes, we do. And I love good communication as well. But I will say, I will say that my husband is actually way better at communication than I am. And so I think I learned so much from him about this. If anything, I was the red flag at the beginning of our relationship, less than him. But this is so massive. When a man is avoidant in his communication, when a man is, is very sparse, very inconsistent, very spotty in his communication. But he acts like that's normal, that's a red flag. And he acts like what? I, I, I didn't pick up my phone all day. Like, I just, I just saw your message. Oh, you, you just saw your, I saw you, I saw you like my Instagram story. You just, you just picked up your phone at 8pm I text you at 7am this is a red flag. Why? Because it shows that he is not prioritizing you. He's not willing to even send you a text message back. More than anything, he views communication with you as a burden. I know, I know it sounds crazy, but if someone who you are interested in and who is showing pursuit of you does not respond to you right away. It shows that they don't have excitement about you. It shows that they're getting more stressed about communicating with you than the joy of getting to know you. It shows that you know, you truly are not on the top of their list, that they're talking to a lot of other people besides you. And this is just something that you need to stop making excuses for. This is a giant red flag. I see so many women out here that are kind of like, I don't know, like, he texted me last night, like, text me when you get home. But then today, like, I haven't heard from him. So, like, do I text him or do, is he going to text me or should I just go on his Instagram and should I just like comment on one of his photos or, I don't know, should I DM him? Maybe I'll send him like a funny reel or something and start A conversation. I just think, like, that is just total games and that you should never feel like you have to withhold anything to get this man. Get this man's attention. Like, you should be yourself. You should be free with who you are and how you want to communicate and be. This man should really make you feel like he can't get enough of you. If he's really interested in you, if he really wants a relationship with you, he's going to make time. He's going to stay up late. He's going to do whatever it takes to communicate with you. Let me just give you an example of this. A friend of mine, she just started talking to a guy. They've literally only been out on three dates. This man, he came to her and he said, I have a gift for you. And he pulls out a laminated copy of his work schedule. It was because he was like, I want you to know the times that I'm available so that we can communicate so you know when you can reach out to me. Because he is a firefighter, and so he works crazy hours. And so he never wanted her to feel like she couldn't reach out to him because he might be sleeping or whatever. So he printed his work schedule and laminated. Folks, can I get a standing ovation? Like, if there wasn't a greater representation of. If he wanted to, he would. This is it. This is it. Like, this man takes the cake. Like, take my money. Go. Like, get married at this point, because that is showing such pursuit, such intention. And his communication is so clear to her. He is not saying, like, oh, we need to talk every day. So he's not overextending boundaries. He's not anxious or insecure. He's not being avoidant and being like, oh, I'm just so busy. Like, the fire department is just, like, killing me. Like, I just don't have any time to talk. I'm sorry. Like, maybe next week we could do something. Like, I'm just not sure. Like, I've been really tired. Like, no, he's saying, hey, I can't wait to see you again. I will see. I will not sleep for three days, and I will still come see you. And here is a representation of that, that pursuit and intentionality. And I want you to know you're welcome and invited to contact me anytime. This is the way that it should be. This is healthy communication. And any man who is not making you feel welcome in his conversation and communication, it's a red flag. It is a giant red flag. And so ladies don't allow these red flags to keep you hanging on a string any longer. Don't allow these red flags that you've just been breadcrumb with that you're like, well, I don't really think that's a red flag because you know, to be honest, like I'm a strong, independent woman. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. I don't need him talking to me all the time. It's fine. Like, to be honest, I'd rather have it that way. Anyways, I'm busy. I'm a career woman. I got stuff going on. I don't need to talk to him. Listen, let the shield down. Let the self protection down. Trust that you are worth getting to know and it's good to actually want that. It's good to want to be communicated with. You're worth communicating with. You're worth wanting to be pursued and just enjoyed. And ladies, you don't have to feel like you have to prove yourself. You don't, you really don't. And you don't need to make excuses as to why you're not experiencing that. If these guys aren't treating you with all the love and respect and you're giving grace to them as well, right? Because we have so much grace for people who maybe just are learning along the way. We're all learning. But in the process we should really have the self respect and the confidence in ourselves to know what we deserve. So I hope that this has equipped you in this video today, that you have learned what these red flags should look like and that you no longer fall prey or victim to these relationships or situationships that leave you strung along and hoping for a future together. And that is really full of empty promises. So take these red flags with you. Take notes, notes on them. Make sure that if you're out and about and you're dating and you're talking to these guys, that you're picking up on some of these things because you're like, yeah, I do see that. I see that lack of communication. I see, you know, that like maybe you are kind of a little bit lustful and you know, maybe I just want something different than that. So that's really good to be confident about. And so I hope that this equipped you today. I so look forward to seeing you on the next videos. Make sure that you check out all the other resources and everything that we have for you guys, guys here on this channel. I'll see you on the next video.