7 “Nice Girl” Mistakes That Push Quality Men Away

7 Nice Girl Habits all women must break. In this video you will discover how to overcome being taken for granted, right? Being taken advantage of even though you give everything and you don't get that in return, right? So instead you're going to attract a man into your life who actually continues to pursues you, protects you and cherishes you. Hey, I'm Anthea Boyd, love expert with Magnetize youe Man. And together with my husband Brody Boyd, we've been helping thousands of successful women all over the world the last 20 plus years combined to get a committed, connected and long term relationship that they desire fast. So let's go ahead and dive right in. Number seven is stop being too other focused. Look, one thing I notice when I have a call with a woman like talking about her dating life is that she always knows the life of the man that she describes way better than her own problem or her own vision, right? She knows like who he dated and that he went through therapy or he didn't go to therapy or what kind of childhood he had or what, whatever, whatever's going on, what his favorite golf game is, you know what I mean? And it's like stop being so other focused. So hold on a second. Do you know what you desire? Like you know, did you, when did you get your needs met the last time? So it's really actually learning, right? To not like say, okay, what can I do for you? Can I solve your problem? Right? Being quick to be there for everyone else, being quick to be understanding of everyone else, but instead truly learning the art of focusing on your self. See what happens is the nervous system works on three levels, right? So either we're sending out self to other, which is what you're doing when you're focusing on other people too much, then there's other to self where other people actually give you energy, give you attention, give you compliments, right? And so if you're really good with that, you're really good with receiving, for example. And then there's also the self to self conversation, right? And that's really truly like being able then to hold all the beautiful compliments, all the beautiful words, all the beautiful affection, the gorgeous energy that you are receiving, right? Instead of like giving it then away again, right. You know, we've done like some research, for example, with money, right, that people who are other focused, even when they find a penny, they're going to give it away again. And I see that a lot of my super, super successful women who like invest into other, you know, the partner's company or like, you know, they're always there one phone ring away because they're like a doctor or a lawyer or they have the resources and the resourcefulness to help all their family members, right? And so over and over again. But what you want to do instead is actually break through your fear to be selfish or to be self centered, to be self absorbed. Whatever the judgment is, it is that you have around being other focused and instead actually working on like loving yourself as much as you love the other person. Number six is stop trying to control his perception of you. Oh my gosh, like if I could get a penny every single time when a woman said, well, if I do this right, if I call it this particular time, then he's not going to be inconvenienced, right? Or, you know, if I going to frame it this way, well then I'm not going to rock the boat. And what I'm saying is you can like stop controlling his perception of you. That's super manipulative, right? You actually say, well, I got manipulated by the last person I dated or the last husband I had, or maybe you were even in a narcissistic relationship, let's say, right? And so, so you're like, you know, but what you then do is you walk on eggshells, which in and of itself, and that may be a newsflash for you, is actually manipulation because you actually like act in a certain way to get a certain behavior back, right? So the second you are not authentic to yourself anymore. So let's say, right? So let's say, you know, your partner, you know, didn't, you know, didn't greet you how he normally does, let's say when you walk in a door when you have a date and you know, and you're like, oh, I can't speak to that because if I speak to that, you know, he already told me that his ex or his dad or whoever was like criticizing of him. So I certainly can do that, right? So now you can become manipulative because instead of you actually speaking to it and expressing your desires, right? And really saying, hey, you know, I feel whatever you feel, right? Like for example, sadness that you know and the story that you tell yourself, so instead of doing that, you just walk on eggshells, right? And you're just like, you know, hey honey, how are you? Right? So stop trying to control his perception because you know, what happens otherwise is like he's going to notice it. You continue to abandon yourself even more. And guess what? The relationship you have to yourself will then Be reflected back to you how the man treats you. And I know that's a tough pill to swallow, but it's the truth. Now if you want to learn more about all of this, take our free magnetize your mind quiz to get a loving, long term and committed relationship with a man you desire faster link is in the description below. Or simply hop on over to magnetize your man.com Number 5. Stop apologizing for your feelings or yourself. Like, I see this a lot where the woman will go on a date or maybe it's not her first date, maybe it's her third date, maybe it's her fifth date. And you know, she has maybe a rough day. You know, maybe she's gone through grief. Like maybe she's stress at work. Maybe she has a just, she is just an emotional weak. Right? You don't have to have a reason, by the way. You know, we oftentimes think we need to have a reason in order to be reasonable in order to actually deserve the attention from the man when we're in an emotional breakdown. And that is absolutely not true. Right, so what women then do is say, oh, you know what, I'm so sorry, you know, last night I was a little bit overwhelmed. Or they do it even like the same nights. They express how they feel, like they express their sadness. What? You know, that something happened or maybe the dog got sick or you know, so many different circumstances, right, that put stress on the nervous system and say, I'm sorry, you know, it's okay. I'm normally not like this. I'm just, you know, so you start apologizing and they start to justify. And unfortunately that pushes the man further away because he's like saying, wait a minute, is there something wrong with a woman expressing her emotions? I mean, maybe that's, maybe it's weird. Maybe I should think it's weird too. And also, you will only be resonating then with men who naturally make emotions wrong, which of course is a dismissive, avoidant, emotionally unavailable attachment style. Number four is stop giving men the benefit of the doubt. Oh my gosh, like, so stop saying, you know, but he has this child or, you know, he needs to sell his house, you know, or he has this ex wife or fill in a blank, right? He has like stress at work right now or he's in a transition right now, or he has the biggest deal going through right now. I mean, I can give you so many examples. And you know, what's interesting is in that moment you are not compassionate with yourself. So that's not authentic if you're always compassionate with the other person, but you're never compassionate with yourself. Meaning, okay, well, I have to like stuff down the boundary that I want to set in that moment. Like speaking my truth, connecting to my voice, right? Letting the man actually know, you know, this was not okay. And I don't care if, if you had a funeral yesterday or if you, if your son has issues or if you know, if whatever it is, right? If the real estate market is done, I don't care, right? It's not invalidating your emotions. And so many women do that they're kind of delay their emotions. They wait for the next week, right? Or then the man is not available, or then he's stressed again, right? And, and they're always saying, well, normally the man is not like that. How do you know it? You don't even know this guy. You maybe went on one or two dates with him, maybe three. And one thing that I always tell my women and magnetize your man is you have like six different energies in a man. We call them archetyp. And on a date you only see like maybe a couple different archetypes, right? And you only see a snapshot of this archetypes. Now you don't even know if they're true over time, if they're consistent. If he's always congruent with his king and he shows up and he has a strong vision, right? Or if he's always a hard worker or if he is always connected to his inner boy. But you don't know that you make that decision assumption, right? And assume means of course make an ass of you and me, right? And so what you want to start doing is actually stop future projecting and predicting. You know one thing I hear my women say, do you? You want to know what? How do I know when I'm doing this is well, I know him better that he knows himself, right? Oh, I know that he feels this way. Really? How do you do it? And even if you knew, who cares? It's about you focusing on you. Like he's not, he's. I guarantee you he's not sitting at home and saying, well, I know, I know how Mary feels and that's why I will answer the call tonight. But I know how. No, because if he did, then he would, he would actually consistently communicate with you. He would be actually available for you. You wouldn't have to reach out to him all the time and, and chase him and question yourself and second guess yourself. I know another hard pill to swallow. Number three. Is stop seeing only the good in people. Now, are all people at the core good? Yes, of course. However, Right. To say, well, you know, he's really trying and you don't know if he's really trying. So it's kind of like an add on to number four. Right. It's like, stop projecting now. How do you stop projecting? It's actually saying, wait a minute, is this an interpretation that I'm making right now? Let's say you're going on a date and you say, wow, we had a wonderful time. That's an interpretation. This is a story. You don't know if that's true. What? We were laughing. Okay. Yes, you were laughing. So that's a grounded message, right. That you can. Okay. Somebody could observe you laughing. Okay. You know, or we were talking about how we want to, you know, make the world a better place. Right? Yeah. Okay. That somebody could observe. Right. So it's objective. However, the second you say, you know, oh, I know that he's into me and the way he looked at me, you know, I know that he looked into my soul. I know that. We see. Because how do you know that? Well, I just know. No, that's not good enough. That's not good enough. Right. Especially you've been running in this pattern where you actually see like, like, wait a minute, I actually thought he was a good person and therefore I thought he's going to make himself available for a phone call. Or I thought he was a good person and not like that his words and his actions don't match. Right. Or I thought he was a good person and not that he would like, lie or that he would cheat. How do you know that? Right. So you have your framework through which you walk through the world. So let's say you are, you have the righteous framework, right? You're like, people will do the right thing. Well, that's very nice of you to think like that there will do that. But you're projecting your framework onto other people's frameworks. So you may have the righteous framework that makes you judge and criticize other people, by the way, you know, and, and say, well, they know how to do the right thing, which by the way is then slightly shaming and guilt tripping them. Right? Because you're actually saying, well, you obviously clearly don't know how to. You're not doing the right thing even though you know how to do the right thing as opposed to other people of other value systems. So it's really like learning to, to stop projecting onto other people, including, of Course, men number two is stop over committing, find the courage to say no. Look, most women that come to me, right, they're successful. Like I told you, you need to have it all together. And so then of course, the, you know, people are like, can you help me with this? And can you help me flay this flights person here or can you host this person there, or can you help me with this project at work or can you finish this or whatever, you know, can you build me this platform or whatever the case may be, right? And of course, in relationships there's other things like that. And then you get to say no. Now notice how that actually feels in your system. Did you feel like you were contracting? Did you feel like, I can't, I can't breathe, I can't speak. It's almost like oxygen is leaving my body. I'm leaving my body, right? Like, do you start to feel that when you actually say no? Because when you say no, people have to find a new way to solve their problem. Also, when you stop over committing, you get to commit to yourself. So if you over commit, if you say, sure, I'll pick up dinner for you from the grocery store, right? Or, sure, I'll walk the dog for you, right? Or, sure, I'm gonna help you write this email for your, you know, let's say your friend, you know, wants to send an email to somebody who's important to her or whatever the case may be, then how about you come home, you say, you know what, all I want to do is just draw myself a bath, you know, put like some lavender petals in there. But all I want to do is just want to have some quiet, just sit in a corner, read a lovely book. Like, all I want to do is just drive to the beach and just put my feet in the sand. You don't get to do that, right? And then because you stop over committing, you will be taken for granted. People will not say, oh, that is so nice of Lucy that she's like, you know, always there for me. But they're like, oh, she doesn't respect herself, so why would I respect her? And I know another hard pillow pill to swallow, number one is stop investing more than him. And by the way, especially if you're resource, I also mean financially. Now, of course, scams aside, where you of course get scammed on websites and online and things like that, right? I'm also talking about if you meet other, you know, other opportunities, you know, where the man's like, hey, how about we invest in this business together, right? How about we do some real estate together. How about, right? Because like, of course it gets like bigger projects, right? And you know, of course you get to see does that feel true in my body. But if I knew that this man loves me no matter what. So even if I said no, right? Or like, maybe it feels even more uncomfortable. That goes back to the example was bringing earlier, right? That we really see. Then the research that, you know, that people who are other focused, even when they make the money, they give the money away. And I don't mean to charity. That's all wonderful, right? But I'm really saying making sure that there's like an equal exchange, right? That he invests just as much as you do, you know, you guys on a equal playing field. Because I know what you're thinking, especially if you're like financially well established, right? It's like, well, I have to. I can do it. But you know what you do, you use the money in order to feel like I have the right to exist, right? I have the right to have this relationship because now I participated. So that for words is saying, you know, the emotional component of me is really not that valuable. My essence, my personality. No, it needs to be. I need to bring some resources to the table, AKA finances, for example, right? Were favors, you know, in order to be, you know, like by the other person. And, you know, I've heard stories where the man said, hey, you know, I'll move in and oh, can you participate in, you know, paying for the rent or, you know, paying for a mortgage or whatever it is? Oh, well, I'm a good cook. That counts, right? And it's like, no, you don't want to move a Peter Pan in because then you want to grow resentful and most, by the way, not just resentful towards the other person, but also resentful toward yourself, right? So what you want to do instead is actually practicing how to increase your capacity to invest in yourself, right? Like not like going bargain shopping, but really buy yourself a gorgeous blouse, right? Or your favorite pair of shoes, or like a luxury treatment at a gorgeous spa, whatever the case may be, right? Or that gorgeous trip, whatever the case may be. Just like continue to invest in yourself, especially when you feel like you need to invest into someone else. You know, basically, you know, what's really interesting is, and we have of course videos on that on the channel here is we're actually talking a lot about like how you can quote, unquote, test the man, by the way, a man. Test women. A woman as well, right? And one is like, well, what happens if you say no? What if they're like, hey, what do you think about this, this project to invest into that? Are they still going to stay with you? And that's going to be tough to actually see. Like, wow. Oftentimes they don't, because what happens is they stay with you and maybe even tell themselves that they're invested in you because now they have a competing interest, right? Because now you're also investing with them into something meaningful, right? And I've heard everything, like, you know, medical equipments for somebody to open up their own. Their own spa and all the things, right? So. So, okay, well, what happens when you take that competing interest away? Is he then actually realizing, oh, wait a minute, I told myself that I'm. That I love her, right? That I'm invested in her. But actually, that was just because, you know, it made me feel so good because now I can actually actualize my dream. But actually, now I see it's actually not about the actual emotional component, the true essence of the woman. Well, the question is, girlfriend, when would you like to know that? Now? Or in five years? Or in 10 years? Well, ladies, this is it for today. I hope you learned a lot. Leave me comments as usual, and I'll talk to you next time. Take care. Bye. Bye.