Anxious Attachment leads to Heartbreak until you do this...

You just checked your phone again. It's been six hours since he texted. Your stomach is in knots. You're telling yourself stories. He's losing interest. He met someone else. You said something wrong in that last text. Your chest feels tight. Your hands are actually shaking. You want to text him again, but you're terrified it'll push him away. So you sit there paralyzed, analyzing every word of his last message like you're decoding ancient hieroglyphics to unlock the secrets of eternal life. Spoiler. It's just a thumbs up emoji. And here's what nobody's telling you. This anxious attachment pattern you have, it's not actually protecting you. It may actually be sabotaging every chance you have at real love. So today, I want to talk to you about five ways anxious attachment sabotages your relationships with men. How I've seen this destroy the love lives of thousands of women I've coached, and what you can do right now to stop the madness. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Brody Boyd with Magnetize youe man. And for over 20 years, combined with my wife, Antia, we've been helping thousands of successful women, women all over the world, to attract loving, long term, committed relationships with men they actually want without wasting years chasing emotionally unavailable guys who treat them like a backup plan. Now, before we dive in, let me explain what I mean by anxious attachment. So back in the 1950s, psychologist John Balby discovered attachment theory. The simple version, how you bonded with your caregivers as a kid affects how you bond with your romantic partners as an adult. If love felt inconsistent or unreliable growing up, if you felt like you had to perform to be loved, if you were scared your parents might leave world, guess what? You're going to carry that fear into your romantic life. And that fear is killing your relationships before they even start. Let's dive in. The first way anxious attachment is wrecking your love life is the belief that love should be a struggle. Instead of surrender. That if you're not fighting for it, working for it, managing every detail like you're conducting a hostile takeover of a Fortune 500 company. It's not real love. You've turned your love life into 50 shades of spreadsheets. Per my last text, your response time is below our stated relationship KPIs. Listen, I. I need you to hear this. Love is not supposed to be a second job with performance reviews and quarterly goals. You know what the Bible says in Matthew 11:30. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. God didn't design love to crush you under the weight of constant anxiety. But here's what you're doing. You're trying to force a river to flow uphill. You're in your masculine energy, pushing, controlling, managing every single detail. Because you're terrified that if you stop, he'll disappear. Remember that Bon Jovi song? I. Oh, we're halfway there. Oh, living on a prayer. Well, you're not halfway there. You're doing all the work while he's taking a free ride. And you know what? With some men, you're absolutely right. If you stop doing all the work, nothing happens. And yes, he may be a broken man, but your picker may be broken as well. Here's the truth about how attraction actually works. It's about polarity. Masculine energy leads, feminine energy follows. Think about it like a ballroom dance. The man provides the frame, the structure, the direction. The woman expresses, flows, responds to his lead. If you're both trying to lead, you're not dancing, you're wrestling. And not the good kind. The masculine is supposed to lead the dance, but you've got him in a headlock. Or let's think about sex without getting too graphic. So in sex, the penis penetrates, gives leads, the vagina receives, opens, enjoys. But what are you doing in your relationship? You're grabbing the steering wheel while he's trying to drive your backseat. Driving and penetrating him energetically. Turn here, slow down there. Watch out for that car. Why aren't you using the blinker? And then you wonder why he doesn't want to drive anymore. Because you've turned what should be a pleasant road trip into a behind the wheel driving test at the dmv. I see this all the time with the women we coach. They're doing everything. Planning the dates, initiating all the texts, managing his emotions, making sure he's happy. They're operating from pure masculine energy, but that actually comes from anxiety. Giving, giving, giving, hoping he'll finally see their value and never abandon them. But you know what happens? The more she gives, the less he values her. Because men value what they work for, not what's handed to them so easily and readily. Like a bottle given to a newborn child. So when these women shift into their feminine energy, when they learn how to receive instead of constantly giving, how to ask instead of telling, how to share their feelings, instead of solving all of his problems for him like they're his mommy, everything changes. One of our clients told us, for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm in a Hallmark movie. He Takes care of me. He plans dates for me. He has a whole list of places he wants to take me. That's what happens when you stop struggling and start surrendering. When you stop trying to control every outcome and start trusting the process. When you shift from masculine energy into your magnetic, feminine core. Now, I know what you're thinking, but, Brody, if I don't do everything, nothing will get done. And you know what? You might be right. With some men, if you stop managing everything, they disappear. And that's incredibly valuable information, because if a man doesn't step up when you step back, you're not with a masculine man. It's like that old joke about trying to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, annoys the pig, and now you're covered in mud, wondering how you both got here. Your job isn't to drive the car, manage the gps, pack the snacks, and narrate the entire journey. Your job is to be the beautiful passenger who enjoys the ride, shares her feelings readily and respectfully, and trust him to get you where you're going. And if he consistently can't drive, well, you get out of the car at the next stop. So what's one powerful way to shift this? You start asking instead of telling. Instead of saying, let's go to dinner at 7 on Saturday, you say, may I ask if we can spend some quality time this weekend? See the difference? One is you being the sergeant leading the troops. The. The other is you being the woman who believes she's worthy enough to be led, provided for, and cherished. This is what we go deeper into in our Advanced Magnetic Feminine Polarity course. Because it's not just about what you say. It's about the energy you embody. And when you embody surrender instead of control, flow instead of force, receiving instead of giving. Everything changes. The second way anxious attachment is destroying your chances with quality men is taking his behavior personally when he doesn't text you back for three hours. You've already written a three act tragedy in your head. Act one, he's lost interest. Act two, it's because I said the weird thing about my cat. Act three, I'm going to die alone, surrounded by said cats. You're analyzing his text response time more than you've studied for your college finals. You're treating his red receipts like evidence at a crime scene. Remember that song? Every breath you take, every move you make, everything you stake, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'll be watching you. Except what sounds romantic in the song actually becomes a restraining order scenario in real Life. You may think you're being intuitive, you think you're being smart, but what you're actually being is exhausting. Not just for him, but for yourself especially. Let me paint you a picture of this. He comes home from work. He had a terrible day. His boss chewed him out. Traffic was a nightmare. He's mentally drained. He walks into the door, gives you a quick kiss, and goes to sit on the couch in silence. He just needs 20 minutes in the man cave to decompress, to process, to recharge his masculine batteries. But what does your anxious attachment tell you to do? He's distant. Something's wrong. He doesn't love me anymore. What did I do? I need to fix this immediately and process it with him. So you penetrate his space. You interrogate him like your Victoria's Secret Service. Are you okay? Did something happen? Are you mad at me? Do you want to talk about it? Why are you being so quiet lately? Did I say something that made you upset? And now what started as him just needing 20 minutes to breathe has become about you. Your feelings, your anxiety, your desperate need for reassurance that you're still lovable. And you know what happens? He shuts down even more. Because instead of getting a few minutes to empty out before he can be fully available to help you with your feelings, he prematurely has to help tackle your emotional firestorm as well. Proverbs 21:9 says in it's better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife. When you make everything he does about you, when you take his natural masculine need for space and to empty out and turn it into a jury trial about your own self worth, you can potentially become the woman in that verse. Here's what you need to understand about masculine energy. Men need time to be alone. It's not personal. It's biological. Back in caveman times, men would go out to hunt for days, sometimes weeks. They'd be alone with their thoughts, processing, strategizing, recharging. Usually they only talk to other men through hand signals or they didn't talk at all. That's how masculine operates. Your man still needs that bear cave. He needs some space occasionally to just breathe without needing to explain himself or manage anyone else's emotions. But here's where feminine communication changes everything. Instead of making it mean something about you, instead of attacking him with you never want to spend time with me anymore, you share your feelings with him vulnerably. To make sure you're not penetrating him energetically, you first start with Something like this. May I share something with you? Then once he responds, you share. I'm noticing I'm feeling some loneliness. When you came home and went straight to the couch, a part of me told myself a story that maybe you didn't want to be around me. See what that does? You're sharing your raw emotion without blaming him. You're being vulnerable, without being accusatory. You're giving him space to be the hero who solves the problems when he's able to, instead of being the villain who caused it. And more than likely he's going to say, oh, babe, no, I just had a brutal day at work. I just needed to decompress for a few minutes. Come here. And suddenly what could have been a three hour fight is resolved in three minutes. I've coached thousands of women through this exact pattern. When they stop taking his behavior personally, when they give him space, when they have their own rich lives, everything shifts. They start calling their girlfriends or doing one of our feminine activities when. When he needs space, they start pursuing their own interests. They start filling up their own cup. And you know what he does? He starts coming back faster. He starts missing her. He starts pursuing her because she's not needy anymore. Because she's not pushing him anymore. She's not making his bad day about her inadequacy. She's confident enough in herself to give him the occasional space that he desperately needs. That's what a queen does. A queen knows her value isn't determined by a man's mood. A queen knows his behavior isn't always about her. A queen can hold some space for her man to be human without making it mean she's not enough. When you always make his behavior about you, it's like you're trying to control the warmth of the sun. But the sun does what it does. Your job is to receive its warmth when it shines and trust that it'll rise again tomorrow and come back to you. The third way anxious attachment is destroying your love life is believing you need to be perfect in order to be loved. That you need performance instead of presence. That if he sees the real you, the messy you, the you with insecurities and cellulite and bad breath, in the morning he'll run for the hills. So what do you do? You perform. You put on a mask. You pretend to be the chill girl who doesn't have needs. You act like you're perfectly fine when inside you're dying. Basically, you're auditioning for the role of wife when he hasn't even cast you as girlfriend yet remember Madonna's song Material Girl, where you're being performance girl? All flash, no substance, all show, no soul. And here's the tragedy in trying to be perfect enough to be loved. You make it impossible for him to actually love you. Because he's not loving you. He's loving the performance. He's loving the Instagram highlight reel. And you know it. Which is why even when he says I love you, it doesn't land in your soul, because you know he doesn't really know you first. Peter 3:3:4 says your beauty should not come from outward adornment. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle spirit. God didn't design you to be perfect. He designed you to be real, to be vulnerable, to be authentically, beautifully, messily human. And here's what's wild. Men don't actually want perfect. They want real. A woman not being vulnerable is like her wearing a full suit of armor around her heart. Sure, you're protected, but you're also completely closed off. Nothing can get in and nothing can get out you. And that's not attractive, that's not magnetic. That's just loneliness inside of an elegant package. I see this all the time. Women who think they need to be perfect end up being exhausting to be around. Not because they're flawed, but because they won't let you see their flaws. They won't ask for help because they think that makes them weak. They won't share their feelings because they think that makes them too much. They won't admit they're scared or confused or struggling because they think he'll think less of them. My wife and I have worked with women who struggled with this for years. They were trying so hard to be the perfect, low maintenance dream girl that they weren't being real. Human beings with souls. They never asked for anything. They never shared when they were upset. They never admitted when they needed help. And you know what? It was boring. Men couldn't connect with them because there was nothing real to connect to. They were like those perfect Instagram photos that have been so filtered and edited that they don't even look human anymore. When those women learn how to be vulnerable, how to share their feelings, everything changes. They learn how to say things like, may I ask for some help? I'm feeling some overwhelm. Or I feel some sadness. When you canceled our plans, I told myself that maybe I wasn't important to you and I'm not sure what to do. And you know what Happens. The man doesn't run away. He leans in because finally there's something real to connect with. Just like Jesus said, I want to build my church on the rock, not on the sand. That's the shift. There are no ugly emotions, only ugly behaviors. Your feelings aren't too much, your needs aren't too much. Your desire for love and connection isn't too much. What's too much is hiding all that behind a perfect facade and then wondering why he can't connect with your heart. He can't connect with what he can't feel. The conductor directs. The musician expresses, but you can't express if you're so busy being perfect, you can't dance if you're so afraid to move. You can't be cherished if you won't let him see your heart. So how do you shift from performance to presence? You start small. You practice vulnerability. You ask for help with little things. You stop trying to be impressive and start being expressive. You stop trying to be perfect and start being present. You stop auditioning and start being. And here's what's wild. When you stop performing, when you start being real, you actually become more attractive, not less. Because confidence isn't about being perfect. Confidence is about being comfortable with being perfectly imperfect. Confidence is about knowing you're worthy of love exactly as you are. Morning breath and all. The fourth way that anxious attachment is sabotaging your love life is by waiting for him to change instead of walking away. This is about hoping instead of choosing yourself. You're staying way too long with the wrong men, hoping he'll magically transform into your dream guy. You see his potential. You see the man he could be if he just got his act together, worked through his issues, got over his ex, realized how amazing you are. So you stay and you wait and you give him chance after chance after chance. Meanwhile, you're miserable, you're lonely, you're desperately following his breadcrumbs like you're Hansel and Gretel. Remember, the story ends with them almost being cooked and eaten. You're like that REO Speedwagon song. I can't fight this feeling any longer. Well, you actually do need to fight that feeling. The that tells you to stay with a man who doesn't value you. And here's the brutal truth. He's not going to change. Not because he can't, but because he has no reason to. You're still there. You're still accepting his behavior. You're still trying to love him into transformation, like you're some kind of broken man, fairy godmother. Matthew 7:6 says, do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and turn and attack you. Your heart is a pearl and your love is a pearl. Your time, energy, your feminine radiance. Those are pearls. And some men are not worthy of them. They will trample your pearls, turn around and blame you for not giving them more. Here's what I want you to understand. Your job is not to fix men. This isn't Home Depot. You're not going to the relationship aisle buying materials to renovate him like he's a fixer upper on hgtv. Your job is to be in your feminine energy job. Share your heart vulnerably and see if he rises to meet you there. If he doesn't, if after 90 days of you being your most magnetic feminine self, he still isn't stepping up, he's giving you his answer loud and clear and you need to believe him and walk away. I see this all the time. Women come to me and say, brody, I've been with him for two years. He still won't commit. He says he loves me, but he's not putting any effort into our relationship. And he still talks to his ex. What should I do? And I ask, have you been vulnerable? Have you shared your feelings using magnetic feminine communication? Have you been in your magnetic feminine polarity? And sometimes they'll say, yes, I've done all of that. I've done everything. I've been feminine. I've shared my feelings. And I say, and what did he do? And sometimes they'll say, nothing. He said, he needs more time. He says he has personal issues he's working through. And here's my answer then, if that's the case, he's not going to change. Not with you, not now. He's showing you exactly who he is. Believe him and walk away before you waste another five years of your precious life. We've coached women who are in this exact situation. They've been dating emotionally unavailable men for years. Same guy, different body. Over and over. They felt defeated, exhausted, starting to think they'd never get married, never have kids, that they were fundamentally unlovable. When they join our magnetic feminine 90 day challenge, everything shifts for them. They commit to being in their feminine energy for 90 days. They use everything we teach them. They use magnetic feminine communication. They use the advanced principles and techniques. They share their feelings vulnerably. They let him lead. And if after 90 days he hasn't shown a positive trajectory towards caring more for their Hearts. They walk away. No exceptions. And you know what then happens for them? In the rare case that the man doesn't step up, they stop waiting for the wrong man and start being the right woman. They attract the right man into their life who's emotionally available and secure, who cherishes them, who respects them, who they're still attracted to and excited about. And some get engaged within months after that. That's the key shift. The feminine releases, the masculine holds on. When you're clinging desperately to a man who doesn't want to be kept, you're in your masculine energy. You're trying to control the outcome. You're trying to force a commitment. But when you can release him, when you can say, I love you, but I love myself more, and I can't stay in a relationship where my heart isn't cherished, that's feminine power. That's self respect wrapped in a soft package. And you know what often happens when you truly let go? When you detach and start moving on with your life, one of two things happens. Either he wakes up, realizes what he's losing and steps up, or you realize you don't even want him anymore because you've discovered your own worth. Either way, you win. Proverbs 31 describes the virtuous woman. She's strong, she's wise, she's capable. But she's also soft. She's nurturing, she's feminine. And her husband praises her. He rises up and calls her blessed. That's the kind of man you deserve. Not a man that you have to drag kicking and streaming into a relationship like you're his parole officer. But a man who sees your value, pursues you, and can't imagine his life without you in it. The first, the fifth and final way anxious attachment is destroying your love life is by twisting yourself into a pretzel. This is about losing your authenticity completely. Trying to be what you think he wants, you become a chameleon with no backbone. He likes country music. Well, suddenly you're wearing cowboy boots that you can't even walk in. He's super into fitness. Suddenly you're at the gym every day, even though you hate it. He mentions he likes girls who are low maintenance. Oh, will you become the most chill, easygoing, never have a need woman on the planet. You're changing yourself more than Madonna changing outfits in the and nobody can keep up with that many costumes. Meanwhile, the real you is screaming on the inside, what about me? What about my needs? What about what I want? But you silence her. You tell yourself, if I just become what he wants. He'll choose me, he'll love me, he'll commit to me, and then everything will be better. But here's what actually happens. Unfortunately, he loses interest. Why? Because you're not being you. You're being some manufactured Barbie version of yourself. And. And he's just Ken. Here's the thing. When you twist yourself into a pretzel, when you abandon your own desires just to fit into his life, you're not being feminine. You're actually in your masculine energy. Because masculine energy is all about managing someone else and their perception of you in order to get an outcome. What ends up happening is ultimately you become a doormat. A doormat has no boundaries, no standards, no sense of self. She just lays there and lets people walk all over her with muddy boots. A queen, on the other hand, knows exactly who she is, what she wants, and what she will and will not accept. She's soft, but she's not weak. She's gentle, but she's not a pushover. She's like water, fluid and adaptable, but she could also flip the boat over. The Bible talks about being equally yoked. That means that you should be with someone who shares your values, your vision, your faith, your life direction. It doesn't mean you have to like all the same things, but it does mean you shouldn't have to fundamentally change who you are just to keep him interested. Let me give you an example of this. Let's say you're a woman who loves deep conversations, who values emotional intimacy, who wants a man who can talk about feelings and dreams and fears. But you meet the guy who's super surface level. He doesn't do deep. He doesn't talk about feelings. He just wants to keep things light and fun. So what does your anxious attachment tell you to do? Adapt yourself. Twist mold? Stop asking deep questions. Stop sharing your feelings. Just be light and fun and chill, because that's what he seems to like. But what are you actually doing? You're abandoning yourself. You're silencing your soul. Six months in, you're going to be starving for emotional connection while he's perfectly happy keeping things at what's your favorite pizza topping. And when you finally break down and try to have a deep conversation, you. He's going to look at you like you grew a second head. Because you've trained him to believe that you're fine with just surface level. You've trained him that the fake version of you is the real you. When I first met my wife, Antia, I was very Intrigued because she seemed to have such a strong sense of who she was. She had her own opinions, she had her own desires, she had her own soul. And she shared them fully with me in a feminine way. I remember there was one time when we were early in our dating where we were in the hot tub together and she actually started crying because we were talking about some heavy subjects. Part of me, maybe my old avoidant part, was a little scared about that. But another part of me, my higher self, my king, was actually very intrigued because of the realness, the rawness. And what did it do? It made me want to help her because she was being authentic, she was being real. And I valued that. The masculine gives, the feminine receives. But you have to be willing to receive. And you can't receive if you're pretending you don't want anything. We've worked with women who've struggled with this for years. They shrink themselves, they hide themselves. They pretend to be whoever they thought he wanted. When they learn to be authentic, they to share their real desires, to show their actual personalities, everything transforms. They meet men who love the real them, not the performance. Here's the key shift. Instead of twisting yourself to fit into his life, you present yourself authentically and see if you naturally fit together. You share your interests, your values, your desires, using magnetic feminine communication. And then you see if he's interested in meeting you there. And when I talk about being yourself, I'm talking about the real you. Your feminine core that existed within yourself the moment you were born. Not that you. That was created from all the trauma and bad experiences and anxious attachment patterns that were developed later on. So here's an example of sharing your desires with him. Instead of saying, I love hiking, when you actually hate hiking and would rather get a root canal, you say, I'm actually more of an indoor girl myself, and I would love to find activities we can both enjoy together. May I ask what you think about that? See the difference? You're not lying, you're not pretending. But you're also not being combative or rejecting his interests. You're being honest about who you are while staying open to finding common ground. You're being a real woman with preferences, not a Bavarian pretzel. And if he can't accept the real you, if he needs you to be someone you're not, then he's not your person, and that's totally okay. It's better to find that out now than in five years when you've completely lost yourself and can't even remember your own name. The Feminine simply is the the masculine does. Stop doing so much to try to keep him. Just be you, that most authentic, radiant, magnetic feminine self connected to your feminine core. That's the version of you that was created from the very beginning. And the right man won't just stay. He'll pursue you. He'll protect you. He'll provide for you. He'll praise God that he gets to be your man every day. So there you have it. Five ways anxious attachment is sabotaging your relationships with men. One is thinking love should be a struggle instead of surrender. Stop fighting. Start flowing. Let him lead the dance. Two is taking his behavior personally instead of giving him space. His moods aren't always about you. Fill your own cup. Share your feelings without making everything mean you're not enough. Three is believing you need performance instead of presence. Vulnerability creates intimacy. Be real, not perfect. Show him your heart, not your resume. 4 is hoping he'll change. Instead of choosing yourself. Give him 90 days in your feminine energy. If he doesn't step up, walk away. You deserve better. Number five is losing your authenticity trying to be what he wants. Be yourself. Share your true desires. The right man will love the real you, not the pretzel version of you. At the end of the day, understand we're all learning and growing. Give yourself grace in this process, but also give yourself standards. You're not being too needy because you want someone who's consistent, kind, respectful and emotionally available. Those are completely valid needs. And if you want personalized guidance on exactly what to do with the specific man you have in mind right now, I invite you to take our free Love quiz. In just a few minutes, you'll get your personalized top recommendation for getting the relationship you desire. Just head over to our website, magnetize your man.com or click the link in the description or comments below to get that now. Thank you so much for watching and subscribing. We're praying for you to get the relationship that you most desire with this, and I'll talk to you more very soon.