Avoid THESE Dangerous 5 Relationship Pitfalls

Avoid these five dangerous dating pitfalls. Now, you may have wondered what keeps you single. You're dating men, you're putting yourself out there, but it's just not coming together. Now listen up, girlfriend. This video may tell you why. Hey, I'm Anthea Boyd with Magnetize youe Man. And together with my husband Brody, we've been helping thousands of successful women all over the world to get a committed, connected and long term relationship that they desire fast. So let's go ahead and dive right in. The first pitfall in dating that you should avoid at any cost is believing in a man's potential. Dating a man's potential. Boy, have I done this. And you know what? Anxious attachment styles are famous for that because they actually, you know, future project and they really think about how things could be. They're living in future anticipation, that I call it. Okay? And I did that too, right? I didn't even see really what was in front of me. But rather, you know, this man, you know, once he's like not so stressed, then he's going to be patient and then he's going to be great and then he's going to be compassionate or, oh gosh, this guy has such great potential. If he, if he just gets over his fear to open his heart, then he would be like an amazing boyfriend and potentially even long term partner. And of course, this never happens. So here you are. And I have so many friends, so many women that have gone through Magnetiz your man who have dealt with that when they came to us, because the man was dangling the carrot in front of their nose, right? And they were waiting for him to finally actualize his potential. But you see, you can't fall in love with that. You need to like the man the way he is right now. If you don't like him the way he is right now, then I would recommend don't date him. Okay? And unless you have some very for sure signs. Okay. I remember when I met my husband and he was working really hard, but he hadn't figured out the system, the systems yet that really got him like massively to monetize the work that he was doing. So what I saw, right, was him showing up 9 to 5, we were going surfing and all the things, but he was sitting in a cafe and working really hard, right? So I saw, wow, this incredible work ethic, this incredible drive, right? And so I knew, wow, if, if he just has like the right system, like he's, he's going to just take off. That's exactly what happened. Because he had everything already in place. He had a slingshot and he had it already all the way pulled back. And so when the right system came in, he just released it and it just absolutely created a massive momentum. Within less than a year, he made, he got like more success than our mentors had. So that's of course one. Right. So you definitely can see sometimes there's for sure signs that are consistent, but other than that, like don't date potential. Now, the next dating pitfall that you want to avoid is believing that things have to be challenging for you to evolve. Okay, yes, it's true. You know, iron sharpens iron. However, this can become a pitfall because you may go for men that are not right for you and that they will never show up for you in the way that you desire, they will never continue to cherish you, make you feel safe and secure in your relationships. And I really saw this so clearly in 2013, five months before met my husband Brody. Because up until that point I really had that story like, okay, things have to be challenging. Oh, you know what? I'm meeting all those emotionally unavailable men because I need to learn to be more patient and I need to learn to get closer to God and I need to learn to be more compassionate. I need to learn to be all of these things right. And of course the truth of the matter was that it was all based on that belief, on that deep rooted belief that, that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't earn it yet, you know, that I wasn't worthy of it. And so because of that, that was of course like a total pitfall because you could do that forever. I've sometimes went, come to me in their 40s, their 50s, their 60s, and have been having that same belief for 40 years. So it's a very dangerous pitfall because it looks harmless, but it can keep you stuck for decades. Now what I did in January 2013, I actually said, my man knows. That was the most biggest distinction I made that made me break through that pitfall that things have to be challenging, that things like I actually broke through that belief that things have to be hard. Right? They actually started to embrace that things can be easy. And even when they're easy and, and even when they're in the flow and when they're organic and when they're natural, that there can last and that you can build a true, deep, connected and long term relationship and marriage on that foundation. Now the next dating pitfall that you should avoid is being intrigued by men who trigger you, you know, that's why we always say if you fall in love with a man, immediately you have those butterflies and the sparks are flying. That means he has the potential to trigger you. And not necessarily in a good way, you know, but in a way that makes you feel extremely disappointed, insecure, broken down, broken hearted. And it's so exhausting and draining, right? And it's. It's like really letting go of, like. Well, if it's not like that, then it's not a relationship, then it's not a romantic interest, which is another pitfall, because when I met my incredible husband, Brody, right, we had a connection, and we certainly had an interest for each other, but there weren't like this incredible butterflies that were flying all over the place, and the sparks were flying and all these things that wasn't happening. It felt very natural. As a matter of fact, I compare it to a lake. I felt so calm like a lake, like I could ski to the bottom of the lake. I could see to the bottom of myself, of my deepest core, of my deepest fears, of my deepest desires. And that's ideally what your man is supposed to bring out of you. And of course, you also start to see his deepest fear and. And his deepest desires. So you're really creating this deep level of intimacy that you didn't have with any man before. But it is a more gradual approach and it is lasting. And I promise you, yes, you're going to feel safe, and also, yes, you gonna feel excited. Now, another huge dating pitfall that you should avoid at all cost is staying too long dating this man too long, because you can handle it. Okay, let me explain this a little bit more, you know, because a lot of time that applies to women who really get stuck with sort of either a narcissist, definitely an emotionally unavailable man, and also an addict or a recovered addict, because the we. The in the addiction, right? Like, he will actually say, you know, I'm. I'm not really accountable, but I can't be accountable because I don't have the resources. Wait, and then you say to yourself, well, you know, I can handle it. You know what I mean? Like, I haven't gone through that level of trauma. Or you are so used to being the mature one, because you always had to be the mature one when you were growing up. And you had to be, you know, you had to be the one who is in charge and who leads everything, who's totally understanding, who manages everything, was in control. And so of course, that creates like that perfect crazy, like, you know what I mean? Like, dynamic. That's not healthy. That's totally dysfunctional. And, and that's, of course, what you don't want. And also you start to build resentment because at some point you're going to say, well, something has to give. I mean, I'm investing so much here. Why is nothing coming back to me? You know, and this was also totally me. I. I mean, I was constantly like, oh, it's okay, you know, they need to figure themselves out, or they had this kind of childhood. And you know what's funny is, like, I would even think about what childhood I had, and I didn't even think about, like, that I had my own struggles and, you know, and that, that I was also capable of navigating that. And you know what I mean? That I hired my own mentors and that I got myself into therapy and that I read lots of books and I committed to break through the cycle of codependence and toxicity that you had experienced in, in my childhood. Right, so. But for some reason in that moment, you totally forget to hold the man accountable to the same standard, right? That, you know, when they create the problem, they get to solve the problem. You're not. You don't need to solve the problem. You don't need to save them, you don't need to rescue them. Right. As a matter of fact, that keeps them in that victim mentality. And the same is, of course, also true with what I call, like, covert. Covert, not what I call, but a covert narcissist, obviously. Right. Because they also want to be the victim as well. They're like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You get to give them the accountability back. And as well as emotionally unavailable men, you know what I mean? Like, they also, they're responsible. They are accountable for, you know, not texting you when I said they would, or not calling you when they said they would. Like holding them accountable and breaking through that story, they. That you have to be compassionate and understanding all the time. Yes, that's true to a certain degree, but you have to balance it with also holding them accountable. And the next stating pitfall that you want to avoid a very simple believing he will change. I know that's an old classic, but, you know, there's this joke, you know, and it goes like, then the man marries a woman hoping she will not change. And a woman marries a man hoping he will change. So. And that, of course, gives you already the answer, right? Like a man, like, he will most likely not change. And I've seen that with my parents, you know, I Mean, like they were definitely marrying each other, hoping that the other person is going to change and what a disaster that was and divorced like, you know, 11 years later and may as well could have divorced, you know, after the first year, honestly. And I'm sure you may be nodding your head as well when you think about, you know, the discussions or the arguments or the, the fights that your parents had, you're like, why? You know what I mean? You guys were never a match to begin with, right? But because the toxic, the toxic pattern was such a match for each other, right? Like, my mom wanted to be rescued, my dad is a natural rescuer, and so on. So guess what? They were a perfect match for, for each other, right? But luckily, because of that, I learned no, like, I'm not gonna date someone and believe that they're gonna change because they're not gonna change. If I learned one thing from my family, it's that they not changing, right? So if you find like, oh, well, you know, if he's finally stops drinking or, you know, if he's finally stops working that much and being a workaholic, you know, of a finally stops of this addiction, or, you know, he finally learns to focus on me and not just focus on himself or, you know, you have like, all those like, reasons and you're like, you know, if you finally. So it's very similar to the first point that I made. You know, it's, it's absolutely doomed, right? Because you can, you can probably fill that in the comment section below. The whole chat on like, all the stories where you thought that in that course it didn't become true. Now what you want to do instead is when you show up on a first date, don't paint the red flags green. I'm going to say that again. Don't paint the red flags green. And the reason why is because you really want to ask yourself, what am I not seeing? Okay, when you go on a date, don't just like, say, okay, I already decided. I like him so much. He has the same faith like me and I love him. He's attractive and, and he is driven. And so out of the sudden you put the rose colored glasses on and your brain deletes, distorts and generalizes reality, okay? And that, of course, is not going to be helpful. Okay? So instead you want to really say, oh, what questions am I not asking myself? Just really training yourself to be accountable for the way what you're deleting or what you're distorting or what you're generalizing on a date. Because the thing is, right, that there's something called, there's so many biases that we have and one is called the confirmation bias. So if we are already decided, you know, that the man does this, the man, then we're just going to pay attention to the things that confirm that and we will delete all the things. Oh, he interrupted you. Oh, I'm going to delete that because that's, that doesn't confirm that he's the one for me, right? Or oh, he just ordered for himself. Oh, I'm just going to delete that because that doesn't confirm that, that he is the one for me. And so on. But you actually want to open yourself, your eyes up to that. And again, a good journal prompt there is, you know, what am I not seeing? What am I not aware of? What questions am I not asking myself? Now by now you may found yourself nodding your head and I'm sure you've gone through some of those dating pitfalls because some of them are also so unconscious and they're also based off on unworthiness and not feeling completely secure inside of yourself or not completely feeling like, you know what I mean? Like you need to earn it in some way, shape or form. And so like this is all about like saying no, there's nothing to earn. Look, you can't earn a relationship. This is like absolutely not possible. You know why? Because you constantly growing with each other. And guess what? Your partner is also not perfect. So take him off the pedestal. One thing I always say, the soulmate is real, but the pedestal you put him on is not. Now next, if you haven't yet, take my free love quiz and virtual coaching call to get the committed, connected and long term relationship that you desire fast without frustration attracting emotionally unavailable men into your life and and endless online dating. So if that's you, then hop on over to getlovequiz.com or also pop right here into the comment section. Grab the link there. Lots of love ladies. I'll talk to you in the next video. Bye bye.