Avoid THIS When a Man Isn’t Investing Emotionally

If he doesn't invest, avoid this mistake. In this video, you will discover what absolutely not to do if you want your man to commit to you, to pursue you, to protect you, and to provide for you, especially emotionally speaking. Hey, I'm Antje Boyd with Magnetize youe Man. And together with my husband, Brody Boyd, we've been helping thousands of successful women all over the world to get the connected, committed, and long term relationship that they desire fast. So let's go ahead and dive right in. The one mistake I see women make when a man doesn't invest is backtracking. This is how the story goes. You are on a date. Well, maybe you're dating someone and you're sharing something vulnerable. Maybe, let's say it's bringing a specific example and you're actually asking for commitment, right? You're kind of, you know, I'm asking for commitment, right? Like one commitment, whatever it is, right? Like, you know, where we're going, something like this. And then what happens is you don't get necessarily the response that you were hoping for, right? So the man is not jumping into your arms and getting on one knee and asking you to marry him next week, but instead he's like, maybe, maybe a little hesitant. Okay, thanks for letting me know. Or I think I need to figure things out first, right? I need to, you know, my kids need me to move out of the house first. Or, you know, I need to sell my house first or maybe, you know what I mean, I need to wash my hamster's hair. You know, I need to help my cat cross the street, Whatever. There's like all those different reasons, right? And so then you want to feel. Well, number one, you're going to feel disappointment because you feel like, wow, I want something that the other person doesn't want. So that will trigger this part inside of you that's afraid to be too much. And because of that, you will then have a trigger response. For example, the trigger response could be shame and embarrassment. Now, because that's naturally actually emotions that are not necessarily desirable, we actually try to avoid them. We try to push them away, we try to break them away. Whatever we want to do, right? But we don't want to be with them. So what do you do with an emotion that you don't want to be with, right? You feel embarrassed. He doesn't feel the same way. He has hesitation. He has wet feet or cold feet or whatever. And then you backtrack. That's actually one of the shame shields. And the shame shield is denial, right? So it's so perfect because what's going to happen? And by the way, I've seen this with my women a lot and that is you use some vice as an excuse. So maybe you were had a glass of wine that night when you were asking for the commitment. So you can either say oh, the next day when he talks with you about it or you, you can just say, oh, hey, you know what, like last night I know I was like a little drunk, I had like a glass of wine too much. Or maybe you're taking medications and you're like, you know what, I was actually in a lot of pain. Actually, I was like totally numbed out, right? Or maybe you just had an argument with your mom or if your neighbor. You know what, I was just super stressed out because I just had an argument. Or maybe you just had a stressful day at work and you're like, you know what, I just had a stressful day at work, right? So you want to use all those reasons to backtrack and to actually say like, oh, just kidding, I don't really mean it. But what do you actually message in that moment, right? You actually send a message that this man should not take you seriously. This man should also not trust you because you're going to express something that you're actually going to backtrack from the next day. So you actually end up sending mixed signals. Now what happens with the human brain if it's confused? Because that's what usually happens when you send mixed signals. It says no. And so the man further distance himself from you and you become more and more worried. You use more and more shame shields and so on and so on the cycle goes. Now what you want to do instead, girlfriend, is actually step into your power. You have God given authority. Look, David killed Goliath because he knew that he had God given authority. He didn't see this worldly giant outside of himself, right? Like so for you, it's like you put this man on a pedestal so he becomes this like giant that you look up to and that you kind of measure up to and you need to kind of get the approval from and you need to earn his love. But instead he's like, I know my own God given authority. So it doesn't matter how short I am or small, I am in the worldly realm, right? Because I'm really backed by the Holy Spirit, right? I'm really backed by the angels and the atmosphere. I'm really backed by God, by Jesus. And so because of that, that gives you the fortification that you need to do what I'm going to tell you next. So we're going to go back, you're going to ask for, let's say, the commitment. So you're asking about, you know, I'm curious, like, where are we going? And then it has basically the same response, because usually the man's response doesn't change immediately. And you get to take a deep breath in. I'm safe, right? You're safe. You're safe, right? You're in a safe atmosphere. So you're actually learning to signal to your body who's actually going into fight or flight. So it's like freaking out because it's not surviving rejection or the unknown or possible embarrassment or possibly belittling you, and therefore we backtrack, but you actually fortify. Like, this is what I said in 2010. I was dating this guy, and he told me after a few weeks of dating that I'm too affectionate, that I'm hugging too much, I kiss too much. Whatever the story was, I don't remember exactly. The point is that normally that would trigger a shame shield. So the shapeshift would probably be denial, because I would be like, oh, I'm just kidding. You know, I'm not really that affectionate. Right. I'm just totally good. We don't need to really hug. And so I would actually start to deny my needs. But I didn't do that because I learned to get fortified and advocate for my own needs. And so what did I do instead? I just said, this is who I am. So I knew my authority, my identity in Christ, right? And so it's like, this is who I am. And so then, guess what? Because his authority, his identity was obviously not steeped in truth, in authenticity, in authority, but rather in fear and scarcity. He actually apologized and he actually said, oh, just kidding. I love your affection, I love your kisses, I love your hugs, whatever the case may be. Right. And the reason why was. Well, because he wasn't really coming from authenticity. So he couldn't really advocate for himself because it was just a shield to avoid intimacy. Because he has, like, a very strong need for freedom. I know that now because now, 15 years later, he's still on Facebook. I still see the life he lives. So he has a lot of need for freedom. He doesn't want intimacy, but he doesn't want emotional intimacy. And so that's what happens to actually call a man out. Not like directly, obviously, but indirectly. Right, because you're advocating for yourself. And then the man actually says, oh, shoot, I'm the one who's afraid of commitment. And guess what? If that doesn't happen, then this man is going to fall away. And the right man will come into your life. I see this over and over again because you stay consistent, you are coherent, you are congruent. That is trustworthy, that is highly magnetic, highly attractive, highly charismatic. And men will be drawn to you. The right men will be drawn to you because they're like, wow, where's this woman taking this confidence from? Where's this woman taking this trust from? Where's this woman taking this faith from? I want some of that, too. So their curiosity will drive them towards you to learn more, to connect with you, to commit to you, to pursue you, to marry you. That's the end goal. Now let's talk about why this is sometimes not happening. Why it's a harder time and you feel like you're fighting demons and you're battling against darkness inside of your mind is of course because you have childhood wounds. So of course, if you had a parent who was emotionally unavailable, who was emotionally neglected, then of course, if you express your needs, you either received what like you either received nothing, like dismissal, like they were literally not even paying attention to you. Let's say you were crying and you want to get out of the crib. Or maybe you said, mom, I fell today at preschool, or whatever the case may be, and you didn't get the attunement. That's really scary. That's very sad as well. And it also feels very helpless and powerless because you were relying on your parents. So when you learned that your parents didn't give you what you needed, you actually learned to become as independent and make sure you don't need anyone. However, it only goes so far. It only helps you so far. Right? At some point, you will actually see that your heart is still closed. You're still not authentic. You're still not trusting, you're still not transparent. You're still not really deeply connecting with people because you're always looking for an exit strategy. And why is that? Well, because you learned that someone very close to you, your primary caregiver, could totally let you down, disappoint you, leave you even in an atmosphere of despair. Now, in order to avoid that, you use your shape shields and you become Miss Independent. You have your protection mechanisms, you have your coping mechanisms and so on. But again, it doesn't serve you. Why? Well, because then you attract men into your life who also have the same coping mechanisms, defense mechanisms, and guess what? Then you get frustrated because it's going to trigger that anxious part inside of you that that once upon a time wanted to have the love and the affection and the attunement from your parents. And then of course, this man is also not going to give you that. That's why it's so important that you can backtrack. You have to be willing to advocate for yourself. Now, if you have a hard time doing that, if you don't know what the heck is anti talk about, then take my Magnetize youe Man quiz at Magnetize youe Man and we'll take it from there. That's also in the comments below as well. I'm looking forward to chatting with you next time. Take care. God bless.