DATING EXPERT Reacts to TERRIBLE TikTok Relationship Advice

Don't get too comfortable.

There's at least one guy she would.

Leave you for, okay?

Sick Flex. Literally the same thing applies to you. No matter the age, the gender, the sex, no matter what size it is or what size you are, there is always going to be somebody funnier, taller, with a bigger butt, bigger biceps, hotter or better looking than you. And especially nowadays, they're only a swipe away on Tinder or Bumble. So instead of sitting there thinking about, oh, how you can do better or your partner can do better, why don't you just cherish where you are now? Because I, I don't think you realize how vicious of a cycle that could be. Yes, we make fun of people who sleep around, but seriously, if you could get any person you want, why would you ever want to stop? Like, great, cool. Good for you. I guess the real Flex is finding somebody who actually wants to stay. And when you find that everyone who used to be better than just becomes another person, so you can sit there and break all you want, but I don't think sitting there wanting somebody else is going to make you any happier.

Oh, so, so true. So there's actually a couple of pieces here. On the one hand, it's actually what you focus on, expands what I mean by that. If you actually focus on yourself, you know, and I know if you watch this video, you're most likely what I call other focus. So that means in your childhood, you actually learned to focus on your mom, to focus on other people, make them happy so that you are safe, right? This typical codependent cycle. However, like, what you really want to learn, especially in this day and age, is to focus on yourself. Because it's so true. There's all these opportunities out there that your man could meet someone else, you could meet someone else, right? But it's actually about, like really focusing on. Okay, hold on one second. That's just sort of very surfacey, right? Because even like when somebody swipes on Tinder or Bumble, right, it's like they don't really know this person. I don't even know if this person person is real, if this person is a bod, and certainly if this person is, you know, actually a match on all levels. So when you have a man and you actually connected on all levels, like, do you really want to resist the temptation to put him on a pedestal, but instead actually focus on yourself? Like, really see how you can fortify what I call the queen inside of yourself and consistently communicate your desires, asking yourself also, like, you know what, what's My vision or what am I afraid to share? Or, you know, to avoid hitting a plateau in relationships, but instead, like really leaning into the edge, you know, because you see most often when relationships end, it's actually because there's a plateau that's being hit, right? Because there's a lack of authenticity, vulnerability, transparency. And so there's like nothing more to grow into. But if you are not afraid of that and you're willing to be raw and real and authentic with your partner, like, you are actually going to be his queen no matter how many temptations that are out there or how many women he comes across.

Do you ever see a red flag.

And just think to yourself, like.

Is.

It that red, though?

You know what I mean?

Hi. Y Y and this is what so many women do. And they paint the red flags green, right? And they make excuses like, okay, maybe, you know, the guy's stressed or, you know, but he's charming and, you know, he has charisma and. But he's good looking. And you start to make all excuses. A red flag is a red flag. Like, I don't care how beautifully the red flag is dressed up, it's a red flag. And this is what I see with women all the time when they say, you know what? This guy, he broke up with me out of nowhere. He sent me this text message that he wants to have some space, but when we actually further dig into it, we actually uncover the. Hold on, girlfriend. There was like five red flags. But, you know, you. You chose to not dig into them. Like to not ask deeper questions about them and to actually uncover. Wait, you know, are they really that red though? And that costs you bitterly, right? Like, you know, I love this video because this is the kind of like charm this particular man uses, you know, when, you know, there is like a red flag. But, you know, there's sort of like this. This part inside of you that try to. Tries to seduce you in continue to stay the same and to believe in a good in people and to not question anything so that you can continue, you know, to play out your trauma, your attachment style, and then of course, your dysfunctional dynamics that you have in dating and romantic relationships. And why do you do that? Well, for one, it feels safe because it feels certain you've been doing it for a long time. Also, it gives you a sense of certainty because you get to share it with your girlfriends. You get to share it here on video, right? You get to do your videos about it on all the channels. So there are so many payoffs to stay in that dynamic. So that's why it's so important to know, like, okay, it is a red flag and let's actually treat it as such.

Hey, it's great to meet you. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, you too. So I'm a narcissist. Yeah. But you seem so nice. Oh, I'm pretending. Really? Yeah, I figured out if I'm charming and funny and give you lots of attention and affection, then I can get you to fall in love with me. Why do you need me to fall in love with you? Oh, because then you're less likely to leave once I start lying and belittling and gaslighting you and chipping away at your self worth in order to control and manipulate you. Huh. Yeah. It works especially well if you have a history of trauma where you tend to blame yourself even though you're the one being neglected. That sounds like abuse. Oh, it definitely is. Why would you do that? Oh, I'm deeply insecure. I can see that. Yeah, I have a massively fragile ego and a fear of rejection. So I've created a fantasy world in which I'm the center of the universe and everyone else is inferior.

Wow.

Yeah. Well, thank you for telling me all this up front before we formed a complicated trauma bun that would have caused me years of misery. Yeah, well, I just want people to know what they're getting into. I mean, you by chance don't struggle with a lack of boundaries and self esteem issues, do you? I do actually. Dang it. We probably would have made a great pair. Yeah, I bet. Good thing you showed me these red flags up front so I could protect myself. Well, if there's one thing I am, it's honest and transparent in the beginning.

And so part of the problem is when you meet a narcissist, you actually have like the wrong read, you know, so like it's. He actually does it to weave you into his web of deception so you are attached to him so he can then for the gaslight you. But in reality, like you think, oh, he's in love with me and he's authentic and he is honest. Right. So that's like part of it. And the other piece is like really paying attention to, okay, how can I become a narcissist? Repellent. Okay. And part of that is actually paying attention to your boundaries. I use solid in setting boundaries early and consistently. Or are you apologetic when it comes to boundaries and you kind of prefacing and saying, you know, I'm going to ask you about something that you know Normally, I don't ask. You see how you're really starting to make apologies and you haven't even set the boundary yet. You see, when a narcissistic man actually sees that, he's like, oh, found food. Right? Like, this is like my next host. Because he knows that he can use those insecurities that you have inside of yourself that keep you from setting those boundaries and also authentically focusing on yourself. Right. Become actually self absorbed and self centered. Really keeps you from telling him, you know, putting him in his place and telling him, you know, setting the boundaries accordingly so that he actually, well, eventually will leave or starts to respect you.

She's never sent me a GN before.

You're ever.

Yeah, yeah, you're cooked. It's over. So I had this feel. I was like, is she mad at me? Like, what happened? Like, if she doesn't have the energy to type out good night fully, that's not a good. This is like angry good night. It's an angry good night. And then she didn't respond to that.

Wow.

So I had to send a triple text.

Yes.

I had to send a triple attack. A lot of blue here.

Yes.

I was honest. I said, are you done with me? You can be honest. This is a really good message. I like, this is inviting her to be totally truthful about where she's at. Yeah. Because she's not. It's been April 22nd and then she didn't respond to me and it's like May 1st. You could have got mad at her here. You're not responding to my text.

What are you doing?

I didn't get mad. Hey, I wasn't mad. I didn't get mad.

You're a good man.

You're a good man.

I didn't get mad.

She ghosted.

You didn't give it to your feelings? I didn't give into my feelings.

Huh. This is actually so counterintuitive because what happens is when we women, I know this is a guy right now, but when this happens to you as a woman, like, you start to like, train yourself to not react anymore, to just be kind of like cold hearted, to become aloof. Maybe you read the book why men love bitches and how you became one. But it's never going to work for you, especially if you have an anxious attachment style and fearful avoidant attachments. It's never going to work for you because your working model inside of your is still gonna go in survival mode. This means even if you try to pretend to be aloof on the surface, like I didn't get mad and you know, I didn't get angry and I didn't get attack. Right? Like actually you're sending mixed signals because inside of yourself your nervous system is like screaming like love me, text me back. You know, like, come closer and so on. Like you need that approval. So I'm a firm believer that it never works to pretend someone that you're instead here. What would be actually a much more like advisable thing to do is actually work through if it was like actually anger that you would feel in that moment. Like what the heck, it's been like April 22nd. No, it's May 1st and he hasn't texted me back in like one and a half weeks. Like, yes, actually process your anger because when you process what emotion is authentically there for you, you actually become truly embodied and you become congruent. You become actually more magnetic to a right man in your life. Furthermore, you actually continue to build self trust inside of yourself and then you're more and more over time less likely to go into reactive patterns. But really authentically, intrinsically, not because you pretend to, not because you're using sort of like willpower, you know, you're kind of like arm wrestle your, your poor inner girl into surrender. That's not going to work. Because you know what's going to happen that that inner girl inside of you, that part that never got healed, that comes from your childhood, like will actually quote unquote rear her ugly head at some point and it's not going to be at a moment where it's going to be conducive for you. Right? This is called then self sabotage. So instead I actually recommend working in collaboration with that part inside of you, AKA the emotion in that moment, the reactive emotion, and actually move through that right by you know, screaming into the pillow or maybe taking a cooking spoon and hitting your pillow with that. So there's many different activities that I've done over the years to safely release my anger without targeting it at the person. Now secondly, like all she said was gn. And that's like the other piece that we do too when we like run on anxiety, like what happens is we like overreact and we don't even know. Maybe this person was just exhausted. And so I mean, I may be guilty of that, that occasionally, you know what I mean? So, but we think immediately like, okay, this actually resonates with me because I'm used to being rejected, I'm used to being abandoned, you know, I'm used to being dismissed. Then you project that onto, let's say, that text message and then you start to overreact. And it's actually not because of the text message that that started something, but because you overreact and then over text, or what he called triple text, that's when a man is going to be like, maybe she's not a queen. And I thought she was, you know, I was just a little exhausted. Or hey, maybe he was just shifting what we call archetypes so we have different, different energies inside of ourselves. And so maybe he was just like stepping into a different archetype for a moment and wasn't so focused on a relationship. Which by the way, when somebody quote, unquote disconnects, it doesn't mean that they don't reconnect. But you see, if you run on an anxious attachment style or fearful avoidant attachment style, you actually don't trust that the reconnection part is going to take place. And so therefore any attempt for your partner to just kind of want some space like immediately means it's going to be eternal, it's going to be permanent, it's going to be forever, and you're doomed and you're going to be abandoned for the rest of this relationship and of your life. And of course, that could be nothing further from the truth, right? That's such a false generalization that your brain only does because it helps you to survive, right? It's just what the brain does. But it doesn't mean that it is the truth, you know. Instead you could mirror in this particular case, first of all, process your emotions like already recommended and two, then just mirror the response and then actually vulnerably share like what has come up for you, like how that makes you feel and be just curious without being accusing, without being like demanding, without pressuring the man because he may have not thought anything of it. Next, if you would like to have a deep, connected, committed and long term relationship that you desire fast, then take our free Magnetize youe Man quiz by simply clicking the link below or hopping over to magnetizeyourman.com.