Don’t Chase Him: Do THIS When He Doesn’t Step Up

What to do when he doesn't step up. In this video, you will discover exactly what to do short term. When he doesn't provide for you, emotionally speaking, he doesn't pursue you and he doesn't protect you or makes you feel cherished. Hey, I'm Anthea Boyd with Magnetize youe Man. And together with my husband Brody Boyd, we've been helping thousands of successful women all over the world to get the connected, committed and long term relationship that they desire for fast. So let's go ahead and dive right in. The phenomenon I have seen lately is that women come to us and say, well, it's good for you to use let's say honorifics. And honorifics, by the way, are words like hero or my king or something along these lines, right? So it's really sort of like a term for a man that you respect. Right? And then of course, what I hear is that the men that the women encounter or are dating or in a relationship with are certainly not deserving that respect or have never even shown care of like for, for their heart. And what I mean by that is, you know, really communicating with them. Right. Actually that actions follow words or promises, that they actually have conversations when they're in arguments. Not just like storming out and going into protection mode themselves and, or punishing a woman with silent treatment or withdrawal, but instead actually stay connected with her. So that led me to do this video, which is all about how you can fortify yourself from the inside out when he doesn't step up short term. Now why do I say short term? Because if he doesn't step up long term, it is time to leave stage, you know, leave exit stage left is what they say. Right. And so why is that? Well, because you, of course, you have to find somebody who makes you feel cherished, who makes you feel supported, who makes you feel deserving as well. So two things, number one is, and you've heard this probably of course as well, is the quality of men that you attract into your life is directly proportional to the relationship you have to yourself. So what's really important, and I did this too before I met my husband and I was dating men who were more like duds. Is that to see, oh, why would I attract that? And here this is not about blaming yourself, this is about empowering your self, right? So why would I attract that? What's the silent payoff of that? So for example, if I attract a passive man into my life who runs more on feminine energy, who doesn't want to make any Decisions, who wants to just have fun in life and have zero responsibility, then maybe, just maybe, it's because I feel safer to be in control, to be in my masculine, to make decisions, because maybe my love language is actually certainty. And so because I don't trust anyone else, that becomes a perfect mesh. Of course it doesn't, because after a while that inner child inside of you is going to say, what about me feeling cherished? What about me feeling supported? What about me getting a hug and so on, right? Getting my needs met. And so that's like number one. It's actually really seeing. So, you know, I have to really be honest with myself because I see this with my powerful women all over the place and all over the world, right? So no matter the age, no matter the stage, is that oftentimes it happens to be a super powerful woman who rules the roost. Now the other piece also is that when you ask a man, let's say you make a request. And we teach that here on YouTube, right? We teach you how to make a request to a man in a respectful way. And then you don't get a response right away. I'm not saying you shouldn't get a response right away, but let's say if you don't get the response that you desire to get right away, it may also be because you need to give it time. Now why do you need to give a time is because the man himself got so used to especially you've been dating several months or maybe several years to who he thinks you are, and you guys have a dynamic and he finds certainty in that and he finds maybe comfort in that, and maybe he feels. His nervous system feels dysregulated. If out of the sudden you have a whole different request and you have a whole different desire, all of the sudden you're expressing everything. While before it seemed like you were more passive aggressive or maybe you are more a figurative communicator and, and he's more a literal communicator. Now what does that mean? So that means, for example, figurative communication. An example of figurative communication would be if you ask your, your boyfriend, let's say, or the guy that you're dating, are you talking to someone else? And let's say this particular person is just say just like sending like smiley faces or just sending, you know, it's just real forth between each other. Let's say then for, for a literal communicator, he's like, no, he's not talking to another person. That means he's not like picking up the phone and talking to another person. However, for a figurative communicator, because you may find yourself rolling your eyes right now for a figurative communicator, it's going to be like I ask you if you're talking to someone else and you clearly talk to someone else, so why are you lying? And it's, huh, you didn't say are you texting someone else, right? You didn't say are you sending a reel to someone else. You said, are you talking to someone else? And this oftentimes leads to lots of misunderstandings. So that's why it's also important to give this a little bit of time. Because let's say you make a request and the request is not being met in the way you think it should. So maybe you said you want to actually have more quality time with him on the weekends, let's say, and not just him thinking about work all week long or just being kind of matter of fact or being just kind of task oriented. So let's say that's the case, right? And let's say you communicate that to him. And let's say, you know what, like I really desirable quality time, it would make me so happy. I would feel, you know, so cherished, whatever it is, right? And then it doesn't happen. Then the next qualifying question or actually clarifying question should become, okay, so I'm noticing something. Can I be honest with you? Right, like okay, so you're communicating. So remember we talked about the quality time, right? And that you said you're gonna spend more quality time with me. And I noticed last weekend, whatever, it was really task oriented, again, whatever the case may be. And then you actually just say, so may I ask you a question? When I say quality time, what does that mean to you? Because there's a really high chance that you guys have different understandings what quality time means. So oftentimes a woman gets so frustrated that she doesn't get her needs met. And I'm of course assuming this is a man who wants to meet your needs, but he doesn't really know that he didn't communicate that he didn't meet your needs. And I've seen this a lot with women in relationships that the man is doing, thinking the relationship is doing way better than how the woman feels. And why is that? Well then, because there's so many misunderstandings that he feels like everything is hunky dory, she's not really saying anything, right? Because he doesn't understand that that was actually something important to you. So it's really important to clarify. When you say long term relationship, right? When you say commitment, when you say quality time, when you say, you know, fill in the blank, write more romance, what does that mean to you? Or when I say that, what that means to me is so you take responsibility to, to communicate that even more, right? And then the third step in actually fortifying yourself while you're asking. And by the way, I'm assuming you're dealing with a man who is maybe not so educated in personal development or has never read a book in, you know, about polarity or feminine masculine dynamics, communication, anything like that. So I'm just like really assuming, sort of like the average Joe, so to say, right? But the average well meaning Joe is that. And there will come a point where you have to decide. You have to decide if it's like time to exit. You have to decide if, if it's time to let go. That's going to be up to you, right? But to actually see is there progress? So it may not be the progress that you want to see, but is there progress that now sometimes he does remember to bring your home, I don't know, your favorite ice cream or now he does rem sometimes to write your card or bring you home some flowers or actually ask you how your day was, but it's not consistent. Instead of like getting frustrated and pointing out still when he's not doing it, seeing over all is the positive trajectory. And why is that? Well, think about it this way. If you out of the sudden create a new habit, I mean, even if it's just exercising, you usually, you don't go like from hot, from cold to hot and out of the sun, you're like exercising and you're, it's like excellent and you're on the elliptical and you're having your weights and everything is perfect. You know, sometimes you kind of drop off, right? And you're like, oh, I totally forgot about it or I had some resistance coming up. And, and it's different reasons why that is, by the way. So for example, like let's say you're exercising and part of the reasons why you may not be exercising is because you have a different constitution. Like your constitution may, may be actually more comfortable leaving the body as opposed to connecting with the body. So just as a side note, right? And so the same is true for him as well. For example, he could have a constitution where he's used to suppressing, where he's used to holding, withholding by the way too, right? Where he's used to, and maybe he had even passive aggressive partners in the past. And here you are out of the sudden communicating to him authentically and honestly. His system needs to like warm up to that. And it doesn't mean that you're too much or not enough or you're too bold or too bright or anything along these lines. It literally just means that he is just titrating. He's just oscillating. He's just getting used to this particular way of open and honest and authentic and forthgoing communication. For example, if he's stuck in a sort of this passive pattern, it actually takes a lot for him to break out of it. So every time when he does it, it's actually quite a breakthrough for him. Now, of course, long term, we want to see that it happens more frequently, that he can take responsibility, that he can take accountability and that he doesn't just say, well, I don't know why this happened or why it didn't happen and I don't know what's happening. No, of course not. Right. Like he is of course accountable, responsible for his actions. So try this out and leave comments below as well what you're experiencing with your man as well, especially if he's not personal development world. He's never read a book about communication. Leave some comments below and what frustrations you have with that and where you see the disconnect being. All right, lots of love and if you have any other questions, you can always take my quiz. Magnetize your man.com is the website. I'm going to put that below as well. And other than that, I'll talk to you next time. Take care. Bye bye.