He Says He'll Leave His Wife "When The Time Is Right" (It Never Will Be)

A woman just asked me how to be patient with a man who says he loves her, yet is still living with his wife. Here's what she needs to hear. Her name is Tina, she's in her 30s, she works as a dental hygienist, and she's in what we call a situationship. Here's exactly what she asked me. Hi, Brody. My top goals are to be in a loving relationship where my man shows up consistently to be my companion and grow together. I would love to feel loved and supported in this secure relationship. But he is currently living with his wife that he's not happy with and feels like financially it would be hard to move out. He also has inner work he is doing to get out of old habits and cycles. They make me feel anxious with what the outcome will be. What I need help with the most is knowing how to best show up to be supportive but not clingy. First thing I want to tell you is when a man says he's financially struggling or financially, it's hard for him to move out, you have to acknowledge that for what it is. It's an excuse. He is just buying himself time. He's letting you down easy. He's not letting you think that he's not leaving because he doesn't want to be with you. It's because of finances. I'm the victim here, and I really wish I could just be with you. But for now, we just have to make this work. We just have to make this situationship work, this kind of mistress situation work, because my hands are tied. It's beyond my control. And this leads into the other aspect of this, which is the inner work. This is another excuse. This is another way of him buying time, of him saying, oh, I'm not ready yet. I can't get out because I have my own inner demons. I'm struggling here. I'm stuck. I'm in this whole whirlwind of challenges and things that I'm dealing with both externally and internally. So I'm sorry, babe. I really wish I could commit to you. I really wish I could leave this situation, but I just can't. I have to get over these things first. I have to do another year or two of inner work and maybe go see a therapist or go on a journey of some kind and figure myself out before we can actually be together. Now, the other fact that you're asking me how to be supportive but not clingy, that shows me that you're also in a bind. You are the other woman, and that's Just the reality of it. The reason you feel like you want to be supportive but not clingy is because you know you can't get what you want. You know that this situation can't work because you chose a married man or you fell in love with a man who's married. Now that you know this information, you have to make some tough choices. Because what you're asking me here is how do I still be with him while sacrificing my own needs, while sacrificing my need for commitment? Because that's what you're saying by being clingy is you have needs, you have desires. And those needs and desires are not getting met, nor are they able to get met. So you're wondering, how can I support him in all these struggles and all these challenges that he's going through while letting myself be second place, letting myself sacrifice my needs and basically put those under the rug, like, not acknowledge those needs and have it be okay? And so, again, I just want to reflect this back to you. This is the reality of the situation you're in here. You're having to make many compromises and selling yourself short and lowering your standards because it's not clinginess. You have needs, and that's okay. That's what you should have. Those are healthy standards for a relationship. You've just chosen a man where those standards are unable to get met. So you have to make the choice. Either you're going to dramatically sell yourself short and sacrifice your own standards, or you got to find something better. Now, I also want to address the timeline trap. Like, how long have you actually been waiting in this situation? Do you have a deadline? Have you been in this situation for days, for weeks, for months, for years? And you have to acknowledge that. Look at the time that you've already, quote, unquote, wasted being with a guy who's unavailable, emotionally unavailable, physically unavailable, unavailable on so many different levels. Which is, by the way, a great question to look at. If you're attracting a situation like this with a guy where he's unavailable in different ways, you really have to hold that mirror up and look at where are the areas inside of yourself and in your own life that you are emotionally unavailable or unavailable in other physical ways where you literally can't. Even if he was to say, if you actually were honest with yourself, if he was to say, oh, I left my wife today, babe, I'm going to be moving in, are you actually available for that? Are you actually emotionally available for that, physically available for that, or are you Just holding on to the fantasy and the possibility, the hope of actually having that without actually wanting the reality of what that would actually look like. Because you're in limerence, you're in an anxious attachment zone where you're actually desiring a man who's unavailable. Because that is the chase. Because that is the emotional highs and lows, the roller coaster that you get to go on by having that hope and the possibility that it can work out without ever having to actually experience the reality that. Because you're not actually ready for that, because we have to address. When he says when the time is right, what that actually means is never. It's not happening. That's man language for it's not ever going to change. Now, I hope you're okay with that. I hope you believe in this fantasy because I like this fantasy. I like this situation because I basically get the best of both worlds. Quote, unquote, he gets to have two women. Maybe there's even other women he's seeing besides you outside of his quote, quote unquote marriage. He may be just trying to work things out with her. He may be just in a rough patch or maybe things are even good, but he just likes to have a little action on the side. We don't know exactly because we have to separate the words from the actions and the potential reality of what's actually going on. I have to address as well that this isn't about you not being enough, but it is a worthiness conversation. Your level of worthiness, what you believe you are worthy of, determines your reality. It determines your relationships. So. So if you believe you're only worthy of being a side chick, if you're only worthy of being a mistress, then that's what you're going to create in your life. That's the reality of what you will attract. Now, if you believe you're worthy and you deserve to have a man fully committed to you, to have a man who treats you like his queen, who gives you his all, who prioritizes you and doesn't make you an option, then that's the reality you're also going to attract in your life. How do you know what you believe you're worthy of? You have to look at your results. As the Bible says, you will know them by their fruits. Look at the fruits in your life that'll show you your level of worthiness, what you believe you are worthy of. And we have to address that. We have to go deep and we have to look at what were those wounds? What were those messages you got from childhood that told you this was all you deserve, this is all you are worthy of. You can't expect more than that or you have to earn more than that because honestly, you are worthy. From the moment you were born, you are worthy because in your DNA you are programmed to be a woman. You have a feminine core. And ultimately, that's all a man really desires. At the end of the day, a high quality man wants your full, beautiful feminine heart, your feminine core. And the only problem that happens with women in their dating lives and in their romantic lives like you, Tina, is that because of bad messaging from culture, from society, from parents, from bad relationships you've had in the past, you've clouded your own heart. You've put up walls, you've become emotionally guarded, you've lowered your standards, you've lowered your bar of worthiness so that you no longer have the possibility to have what you actually want. It's clouded. We have to clear out the clouds, we have to bring back the sunshine, bring back those rays of light into your heart so that you can radiate and you can actually attract a high quality man into your life. And that's where you have to ultimately make this tough decision. You have to. You have to make the tough decision to have a fully committed, loving relationship in your life. We have the 90 day challenge. We teach our clients in our magnetize your man coaching programs how to actually get the man that they want in 90 days. It depends on how long you've actually been with this guy. And if you really care about him and using these tools to clear out those wounds, become the most magnetic, feminine, radiant woman you can be, who is actually who you are at your core. And then the man will be revealed. He's either going to choose you at the end of those 90 days, which is very likely, or, or it's going to be revealed that he has no possibility to be your man. And you have to be willing to move on at that point. You have to be willing to say no, to step away, to say yes to what you really want. There's an old Chinese saying, if you want to grab onto the gallon, you have to let go of the cup. You have to let go of this tiny breadcrumbing and these table scraps that you're getting in order to be able to actually hold the full, delicious meal of what you actually want in your romantic life. Oh, this may be hard to hear and you may be wanting to say, well, my situation is different and he's different and we have this history and I have to give you a little tough love here because your situation is not unique. This has been seen over and over again. Like it says in the Bible, there's nothing new under the sun. I care too much about you to let you waste another year or decade of your life hoping for a man and wishing for a man who's clearly already made his choice. Now, if you're in a situation like Tina's, or any situation where you're waiting for a man to choose you, we have a love quiz that will give you a personalized plan. Click the link in the description or comments below to get that now. And if this video helped you to see something that you've been avoiding, leave a comment below and just say, I needed this. Stay grounded, stay in your feminine power, and I will see you in the next video.