Here's Why Men Won't Approach A Woman (Tough Love)

Five reasons why men aren't approaching you. You find yourself telling your friends all the time, I'm going out, I'm going to the grocery store, I'm going out with my girlfriends and you know, they're being approached and I'm not being approached. And you know, like Anthea always says, you know, you can get meet somebody at a gas station or at a grocery store, but that doesn't happen to me. Well, do, do I have a video for you today that actually not only gives you the reason why, but also will give you some solutions to shift that. Hey, I'm Anthea Boyd with Magnetize youe Man. And together with my husband Brody, we've been helping thousands of successful women all over the world to get the committed, connected and long term relationship they desire fast. So let's go ahead and dive right in. One reason why men aren't approaching you is because you carry the Cruella de Vil effect. Now what I learned thanks to my incredible fashion expert, Nathalie Chapron, that there is a scale in fashion. It's an energetic scale that she created. And on the one side is Cruella de Vil, which is extremely intimidating. And it's sort of the bitch effect. And it's oftentimes represented by wearing sort of sharper things, pointy things. However, what I mean with that is it doesn't necessarily have to be you wearing high contrast colors and things like that, but also your energy, right? So what I oftentimes hear that men are kind of feeling like she was like a little spiky and as the stick saying go. So as a matter of fact, my husband came up with that. It's like, how do porcupines mate? So that's the thing, right? So the man is kind of thinking, I don't know about that, right? Like that's going to be a little painful. And you know, and how, you know, if you actually carry the Cruella de Vil effect, as opposed to what my, my, my fashion coach called the Ms. Santa Claus effect, which is like extremely approachable, more like of a round energy as opposed to spiky, which is also more welcoming and warm energy. Right. It's, it's for many different reasons, you know, and, and part of it can really be because you're running a lot of masculine energy. Maybe your mom had sort of this Cruella de Vil effect. So there could be many different reasons why. But I already gave you a hint and a tip what to do if that's the case for you, you, which is actually Sort of round, sort of like your appearance a little bit. You could actually even just visualize, like, just the bubble around you, something softer, maybe a softer color. And you notice how something happens inside of you that's called a nervous system shift. But it doesn't matter at this moment. It just shifts, sort of like your energy. And out of the sudden, the same man is actually starting to approach you and give it a chance, take a risk. Now, another reason why men aren't approaching you is and could be because you are terrified to be seen. So what I oftentimes see with my incredible clients is that they've experienced incredible traumas that I don't wish on anyone of abuse, psychological abuse, narcissistic abuse, physical and of course also sexual abuse within the family, right. When they were growing up. And so what that translates into is specifically if there was like a rage energy in there, right, and they were the more visible they were, the worse off they were, then the nervous system is saying, well, wait a minute, let me become invisible, because that way I'm not the target. And even though right now you actually do want to be seen, you want to be the lighthouse, because otherwise, how is your man going to find you? Like, your nervous system will not allow that, right? So your intention of meeting your man and having him approach you directly violates the sense, the safety sense of the nervous system. Hence, you're starting to send mixed signals. Now, what we know about mixed signals is they either confuse the man and a confused mind says no, or the energy actually cancels each other out, and you become energetically invisible to a man. So he may just, like, see someone more than you. And he. He doesn't know why. And so what you can do in that moment is like, actually, first of all, acknowledge that it's safe to be seen by the. The right man, by a quality man, by a trustworthy man. So kind of think about, like, well, under which circumstances would I feel safe to be seen? Of course there's more to it, but this is the first step. And then also just kind of like taking in sort of what the energy you're getting from a man as if you're taking in sort of a Baskin Robbins tasting spoon. So just tiny. It's tiny. And so just a tiny bit of attention and allowing that to, quote, unquote, digest inside of you and see how that feels, right? But just really allowing yourself to just take one baby step at a time and then notice how it actually shifts and you start to feel safer to be seen. Now, the next reason why men aren't approaching you because there is simply no opening. Now this goes back to story way back when my husband and I did live events and we were also doing sponsoring tables at singles events. Now of course, as you can guess, at those singles events were some clients that we were working with. Now we of course knew what the challenges of those clients were because we were working with them. Da. And so what was really interesting is that this particular client who complained that no man was ever approaching her, she also, there was no opening for a man to approach her. So for instance, there were those tables and I think there could be seven people sitting on a table. So she sat on a table where she was like the last person. So a man would have the courage to walk up to a table of seven women, which is just not going to happen. You know, oftentimes what my husband also talks about when he did field days back in the day with men and helping men to overcome approach anxiety is that oftentimes they were looking for women where there wasn't opening, where there was some warmth. And oftentimes that meant either a woman going by herself to get herself something to drink or just kind of like breaking free from the cloud, from the, from the crowd for a moment, just opening up the circle, right? So if you're standing in a circle with your girlfriends, like just create some more like a half circle so men can actually come in and start talking to you. So, so those are just small ways how you can shift, you know, also checking your body language and you may have heard about this. Are you crossing your arms? Are you crossing your legs? And this is so unconscious. You're like, auntie, I didn't even think about that. And so that's why I want to bring it to your awareness and maybe even remind yourself before you go out, right? Just uncross your legs, you know, uncross your arms or whatever else you're doing. That kind of like could deter a man from approaching you because he may think like you're not available, you don't want to be approached, which obviously is not true. Now another reason why men aren't approaching you is because you have secret resentment towards men. Now to be completely transparent, that used to be me. And how I found that out is I was actually approached by a guy, a well meaning guy, not like someone who meant to date me, at least I don't think he did. And, but he just approached me and he could just tell he was a man coach and, and he would just tell that there was something I was Carrying that. I was, you know, secretly angry and resentful towards men. And he said, you know, it really shows because you're also making some sort of, like, emasculating comments and things like that. And. And I was like, oh, that makes so much sense because when I go on dates, when I even go on dates, because I don't really generally get approached. I didn't really get approached, and I didn't. I didn't understand why. My girlfriends didn't really understand why either. But this coach actually made sense of it for me because he was actually, like, telling me, like, yeah, I mean, you're just basically sort of, you know, the alpha female and, you know it all better and. And how that shows up. There's sort of like this energy that you carry that has sort of like a slight angry undertone. And it's funny, or maybe not funny, but I always tell my women, I wish I could be the mouse on the wall, because I would actually see what are sort of like your facial expressions. And I think the best way to completely. To potentially compare that is of course, also, love is blind, right? So even though this is, of course a social experiment, it's a reality TV show, People know that on camera, but they just don't have enough willpower to control those whatever, 12 hours a day or 14 hours a day, every moment of, like, their face expressions, what they say, what they do, how they brief, they can't fake all of that. So sometimes you can very well see it in love is blind moments. And, you know, I will do some commentaries again as well. That was, like, requested here on. On that show as well, because there's so much to be learned. But there's something about, you know, where my face was just, like, not really that joyful, and it wasn't really that open. And as a matter of fact, when I met a man, I was kind of probably like, when he said, hey, you know, good to meet you, and I'll be like, hey, I'm an here. You know, I would love to get to know you, and I already hate you or I dislike you, because you will let me doubt. You will disappoint me. You will reject me, you will abandon me, right? And then, of course, that sends a very confusing message to a man, like. Like, what's on, Going. Going on? And so, because men can sense that. Men are actually more intuitive than you think, by the way. They may not have as many words as we women do, but they're actually very intuitive and they act on that intuition. And so you may wonder, why am I not being approached? You know, I was like, just in line. Man was right in front of me. You know, it would have been a perfect situation. There's something that you do where your system tightens, contracts, constraints, and it's repelling to a man because obviously he doesn't want to threaten you. He's not going to come in and make you feel even more uncomfortable, right? He wants to protect you. He wants you to feel comfortable. But depending on the level of confidence of a man, he may say something or he may not. And this leads me to the next reason why men aren't approaching you, which is you seem preoccupied. Girlfriend, do me a favor. When you sit at Starbucks, please don't. Don't scroll on your phone. Like, try to, you know, look up, take a breath when you read a book, when you write or journal. Unless you don't want to meet anyone, that's fine. If you just sit there and you just want to get some work done, right? But if you're actually there, do you want to meet someone? You know, if you want to, you know, want to make yourself available at the grocery store or you want to make yourself available, I don't know, at the gas station. It's kind of funny, though. You know, I met. I met somebody in traffic, right? I just. You know what I mean? He ended up me. We were sitting in traffic, right? We were. The cars were next to each other, so we kind of leave each other little messages. And he showed me his phone number, and then I sent him a message from my phone and so on. So we text while we were in traffic. It's kind of funny. But anyway, so you can meet men really anywhere, but it's really about, like, you know, can you be sort of like, in that open space? The same is true for your calendar. So you can already see what energy you're actually sending out to the universe and to the world. And that is. Look at your calendar. Is there even space to meet anyone to go on a date? Or is this just all super full? Because you don't want to spend one single minute by yourself. Like, you always want to have, like, something going on because otherwise your old fears of not good enoughness or insecurity or shame are coming up. And you certainly don't want to deal with that. Now, that's, of course, the wrong approach because. Because you want to keep, like, a vacuum open. You want to keep a space open for the man to come in and to actually, you know, ask you out on a date as A matter of fact, if you have a self care day just for yourself, you're much more likely to attract a man into your life because you're focusing on yourself and only yourself as opposed to focusing on someone else. Even if it's your friend or even if it's your family member or even if it's work, it's different than if you actually really focus on caring for yourself. And to give you an example of that, you know, actually there's, there's two examples. So one was, you know, my client came to me and she said, you know, I'm not really getting invited to things, it's so weird. And I mean my friends, they're not, don't have any ill meaning to watch me, I don't know what's going on. And sure enough, what we found out that every time when the friend called, not to invite her to something, but just in general, she was always like very busy. And I kind of like put a smile on my face because a friend of mine had just told me the very similar thing that I said, oh, I was available to go to this conference with you and she's like, oh really? Because every time when I talk to you, you say you're crazy busy. So also be aware of your language and what actually people think. What real estate do you have in there in the forefront of their mind? Now, as you may have noticed by now, a lot has to do with energy. Like when you want to get approached by a man, it doesn't even matter like what you wear and not even what you say. But so much is about energy. Men are very much responding to energy before they even sometimes see the woman. They will feel the woman first, especially the more masculine a man is. And this is like for many different reasons. And so, you know, so one thing you want to learn is like, how can I shift my energy? That then of course translates into my body language, translates into how I speak to men, how I look at men, do I smile at them? And so on. Nothing I did, I never, I didn't smile at men. I looked the opposite direction. So I was surprised that I never got approached right. So obviously that doesn't really work that well. Next, if you haven't yet, take my free love quiz and virtual coaching session to get the committed, loving and long term relationship that you desire fast, without trust issues, frustration, and attracting any more emotionally unavailable men by simply hopping over to getlovequiz.com or simply click that link below here in the description as well. I had so much fun shooting this video for you today. Leave me a comment. I'll talk to you next time. Take care. Bye Bye.