How To Get Actual COMMITMENT From The Person You LOVE

You'll push him away if you try too hard. Do this instead. So in this training, in this video today, we're going to be talking about all the principles that cause a man to want to come closer, to want to commit to you, and how it'll actually push him away if you are trying too hard, if you are too desperate, too aggressive, chasing him, pursuing him potentially, which we want to avoid. So I'm Brody Boyd. Lovely Antja. And we've been doing this work for over 20 years, helping successful women attract the right men for them. And today, we're joined by our special guests, Janelle and Frankie.

Yeah, thanks for having us.

Yeah, this is going to be great. So we're going to be going deeper into these principles through Janelle and Frankie's story. They're going to be sharing with us how they actually met, how Janelle attracted Frankie, what made him fall in love and want to put a ring on it.

So it was easy.

And then before you lost the ring, but then rebound it.

Oh, yeah, that's a different story.

That's a different story. Janelle told me today. But, yeah. So let's go ahead and start from the beginning with your guys's relationship. We want to hear how you guys met each other, and particularly, maybe you can start Frankie actually telling your version of the story. What drew you to Janelle when you met? What were some of the things you noticed, what was different about her? And then we're going to dive deeper into that.

All right, so you want me to start with what initially attracted me to.

Yeah.

Or start with their story.

Kind of the brief journey of how you guys met and what were some of the key moments you remember where you're like, wow, this woman's different. And, yes, anything she did or that you noticed that drew you in.

Yeah, I'll share. I'll share my side. Janelle's better at telling the whole story. So if you want to get into the whole story, you got Astronell. But I'll say my history of dating was I just in relationship, one relationship after another, and wasn't really, like, intentionally thinking about what I necessarily wanted. And this was. I mean, transparently, it was before I was following God. So I was just doing whatever the world, quote, unquote, would say. And it was just, you know, dating, having sex before marriage, kind of going the way of the world. And I would say, for me, it's like when I really started prioritizing my relationship with God, first and foremost, I ended up getting baptized in 2017. Really started to get discipled by some great mentors that I met back in Denver, Colorado. And then I met Janelle through a business mentor of mine and a mastermind that I was a part of. And he. He and his wife met Janelle at an event that she went to called Organifi here in San Diego. I was living at Denver. Living in Denver at the time. And what stood out. There's a much longer story of, like, how we met, but what stood out for me with Janelle is that every other relationship I had prior to Janelle was, like, very needy, very, like you said, kind of like chasing after, like, desperate energy, jealousy. Like, oh, what are you doing? What's going on there? Like, very unhealthy. And then Janelle, it's like, meet Janelle, and you'll see as we go out, she's a very confident woman. She knows what she wants. She is going to be fine with or without a man. So it was like this thing where it's like, oh, I get to, like, pursue her and really love her. Well, and, like, it made me step up as a man to actually attract a woman of high value like Janelle.

Wow. Awesome.

Oh, I love you.

Beautiful. And when you were in these first stages of your guys'. You guys both dating?

Yeah.

What was your mindset, Janelle? Like, when you were first in the process with Frankie, when you met each other, what was your overall mindset, your approach that allowed you to not be trying too hard and to be in your confident, high value, womanly, you know, energy? What was that mindset?

Yeah, for me, yeah, it's all about just really knowing your worth and knowing what you bring to the table. It doesn't mean, you know, I'm not perfect. I wasn't perfect then. It's not about perfectionism, but it's just knowing what you bring to the table and even knowing what you don't bring to the table and being unapologetic about your strengths. And even your, you know, what I call it is, like, lesser strengths in my. In my teaching. And so, yeah, it was cool because, like, Frankie was saying when we met, the reason why we met is because I met a couple at a networking event. It was my very first time ever meeting them. And funny, because I had a reel this, like, a couple weeks ago that went super viral about this. And so everyone is like, I need an Amanda. But basically, there's a woman named Amanda, and her husband was Nicholas. And I said to them, I was like, hey, like, you know, you guys have this, like, men's networking or men's business group. Do you have any men who love Jesus? Tall, dark and handsome, works out a bunch. Entrepreneur. And I just asked for what I wanted within literally 10 minutes of meeting like strangers at a party. And they're like, actually yeah, we do have someone that we think would be a good fit for you. And so they introduced us on Instagram. And so one of the big things that I teach women is like, not only do you have the confidence to attract, you also gotta be willing to ask for what you want and be willing to put yourself out there. And, and you know, that's like, because when you're so confident, you don't have that fear of rejection. So like, let's say that they said, no, we don't have anyone for you. For some people, they would take that as honest rejection. They'd be like, oh, well now I can't believe I just asked them. So embarrassing. They don't even have anyone.

Never going to ask anyone.

Yeah, I'm never going to ask again. No, for me it was like, I was like, you know, they say you, you miss 100 of shots you don't take. Like, I was just taking shots left and right, you know, Michael Jordan over here. I was just like, I'll just keep putting myself out there, taking shots. And like, I wasn't offended if people, like, if guys weren't reciprocating, that's fine, no problem. There's more shots to be taken.

And I love also, you know, you really talking about sort of almost a feminine intuition. Because I do feel like asking someone happen to know Amanda and Nicholas a little bit. Like, you know, you asked like a very special couple. Right. So I also thought like, because you were so high vibrational and you were carrying yourself in that high regard, you also, you know, got it reflected in the outside world. Right. And so these opportunities were presented to you.

Yeah, yeah. Your external world is always going to be a reflection of your internal world. So to your point exactly.

Yeah.

And what I'm curious about is so you were so really committed to the process, it seemed like with finding your man.

Yeah.

And so how did things shift when you're, you're asking people, even people you just met, do you know of a man for me? And then all of a sudden you meet Frankie. How did your mindset shift, if at all from going to this committed to the process to where you weren't trying so hard with him? What was your mindset when you actually, if it shifted at all when you actually met Frankie? Or was it the Same did you go, man, And I need to act differently now? Or, like, this is just kind of. I was expecting this, and I was ready.

Yeah. And I guess it's because it's interesting because we're talking about, like, not trying so hard, and I think that there's, like, two different things. So then you just said that I was trying so hard to find my person, and. And so I feel like we almost need to, like, define what trying hard means, because I was taking intentional action. But I don't consider taking intentional action as trying hard to find someone, because you can take intentional action without having desperate energy. You can take intentional action while being a confident queen, knowing your worth and asking people if they have anyone to introduce you to. You can be on apps, doing dating apps. Like, that doesn't mean that you're trying too hard. But trying too hard, to me, is like, an energy that's. That's desperate and energy that doesn't know her worth. That's like, I need to find this person in order to find my happiness, in order to fulfill me. And so, you know, I just wanted to clarify that. Cause to me, it's like, I didn't ever really feel like I was, like, in this place where I was trying so hard to find my husband. Um, I guess, actually, I would say when I had lower. Yeah, When I had lower confidence. When I was, like, in my early 20s, I probably was a little bit more in that place of, like, I need to meet my husband. And then there was a little bit of that release where I'm like, I want to meet my husband, and I'm still, like, open to it and wanting it and taking action towards it. But the. The desperation, I think once the desperation goes away, I think that's when you're most likely gonna meet your person. And then to answer your question about with Frankie. Yeah. When him and I. So we followed each other on Instagram for six months before we ever met in person, and we were both dating other people. So. So for the first six months of knowing him, there was. We were just like, he was my Instagram crush, but I was, like, dating someone else who wasn't a great fit for me. Um, and. And he was dating someone else who wasn't a great fit for him. So we were kind of just like Instagram pals. There really wasn't anything, like, inappropriate happening. Like, literally, he would. He would sometimes respond to my story, and then I would respond back and try to ask him a question, and then he would leave me on red.

I didn't know she was flirting with me.

Yeah. You didn't know that was me flirting? And like, he would leave me on read on a regular basis. Like he. So he, that was kind of like our, our thing. He would respond to my story, I'd respond, reply back, and then try to like, engage in a conversation being like, well, what, what do you like to do? Or what's your favorite this? Or whatever. And then he would just read and I'd be like, oh, okay, cool. But I didn't know he was dating someone because he wasn't posting about her on his Instagram and he didn't know.

Red flag.

He didn't know I was dating anyone because I wasn't posting him on my Instagram. So we both didn't know the other person was dating anyone. But then when Frank and I went on our very first date, to answer your question, and, um, like, we just knew so quickly that we were really into each other. And he was very much like, making me feel safe and secure within that. So I knew I was really into him. I was like, oh my gosh, this guy is like amazing. We had this incredible first date that was like 24 hours long here in San Diego. He flew into Denver for work and then we like went in a workout together and then we got a Cali burrito together and then we went out that night together and then we went and got coffee the next morning together. So we just kept hanging out. We couldn't get enough of each other.

And.

And right before he was leaving to go to the airport to fly back to Denver, he said, so are you moving to San Diego or am I moving to Denver? So we kind of knew basically, like at the end of this first, like 24 hour date, like, we were obsessed with each other. We were so into each other. And he, he like let in that, like, I was kind of like, well, what if when he drives away and goes to the airport, like, maybe he won't text me. He texts me within, like 10 minutes. He wasn't trying to, like, play it cool. He was like, I don't know how I'm going to focus on work today. Like, I had so much fun with all my cards. Yeah, he showed all his cards. And so we just like let our walls fall down really quickly. We were vulnerable with each other and he created like a space for me to feel all of those things too. Because if he didn't text me or if he wasn't saying the things he was saying, I. I generally match. I would match the guy's energy generally. But I was really into him, and then his energy was, like, really into me. And so we. Yeah, it just, like, was very easy.

Was it for you, like, tell some specifics, Frankie, about, like, what happened on this date that, like, you know, we got. We're talking to mostly women here.

Yeah.

We're like, the guy needs to think about it. Needs to wash his hamster's hair six years later. I mean, we have, like, the craziest stories, right?

Yeah.

But a guy's like, I need to fight myself first.

I need to, you know, delay, delay.

Help my house, buy my house, you know?

Yeah.

What was it for you that just happened in 24 hours? Because you just had another friend couple.

Yeah.

Where you go?

So similar journey. And what was it for you that you just, like.

Like this?

I don't know. I don't need to think about it. I need to.

I mean, I think it was just. I was so backstory before. That first date is, again, like I said at the beginning, I was really, like, on my faith journey, going through that whole process, and I was trying to break that cycle of, like, not continuously dating women, just to date women, because I had, like, I mean, codependency issues and different things like that. So one of my mentors and pastors at the church was like, why don't you just focus on a full year of, like, going all in on God and, like, learning more about God and learning more about what the Bible says, learning more about yourself. So I think that was, like, I don't know, three months or so before I flew into San Diego from Denver for that work trip where Janelle and I first met. And I think it's because I had that space of, like. The theme that I think you'll hear from Janelle is it's not about necessarily, like, doing certain things. It's about becoming the person that attracts the other person. So I would say it's because of God first and foremost, but because I was leaning into, like, finding myself what I. What I cared about, you know, what. What would be good for me. And then when I first. I mean, Janelle and I had history of, like, being friends for a year or so, and I knew her character. I knew her heart. I knew, like, what she was all about. But then that was, like, the first time we ever, like, really spent time together. So it kind of, like, clicked for me. I remember we went to Ocean beach here in San Diego. We did a workout together. We were, like, playing in the water, like, super romantic kind of stuff. And then we went and got burritos at Mike's Taco Club. And she was like, sitting in front of the ocean. I was staring at her. The sun was setting, reggae music was playing. We were eating our awesome burrito. And I just remember, like, having this moment. I'm like, why is this girl just my friend? Like, what am I doing? If I don't pursue her and like, immediately tell her how I feel, like I could lose this opportunity because I knew that she was so high value. And it's not like I didn't feel. It wasn't a desperate thing. It wasn't like insecure thing. I just knew. I was like, she's not going to be single for much longer. So I guess to answer your question, it just was like I put in the work on myself and I just was like, why am I playing any more games?

So when you said you knew that she was high value and you thought you felt she wasn't going to be single for much longer, what made you think that? What made you feel that?

Because she was a catch. I mean, she. She was, is still, but she was driven. She loved God. She had the same values that I had. She was well networked. Like in San Diego, she had big dreams. She came from a good family. And even if she didn't come from a good family, she was working on herself. And so any person like that is gonna. If you're looking to get married, like, I would assume you're not gonna be on the market that long. So it wasn't like I didn't think all these things consciously in the moment, but it just was like the subconscious thing where I'm like, what am I, Why am I screwing around here? Like, let's. Let's move forward. And it was just like, it was all. Again, I keep coming back to it, but if you can't tell God and Jesus is so important to us, and I know it is for you guys too, but it was just like supernatural peace.

Yeah.

That I had never felt before.

Supernatural peace.

And I think you only get that from spending time with God, spending time in prayer. And I was a baby Christian at the time. This wasn't like me 20, 30, 40 years of, like, reading the Bible, like, sitting in a prayer closet all, all the time. This was like God was hooking it up early on for me. So I can't give any. I can't like, give credit to anything else except for God. But, like, there's a lot of other things that happened because of God, and.

That'S What I really hear when. When couples really go study from the get go, it's like there's sort of this approval stamp from God like, on it.

Yeah.

There's something that's supernatural. And that was our relationship, too, was something. You know, I broke up with Brody after three weeks and, you know, we got supernaturally got it back together, and I did things that I didn't want to do and gave him a hug and a kiss, even though, you know. So you do things that don't make sense. Some things like carrying the relationship or, you know, you're. You're acting out of character. Normally. That's. That was the end for a relationship, you know, for you.

And.

And this particular time is just like, it just something carries it. Right. So I feel like that's resonate a lot with what you share, you know?

Yeah.

And then.

So when you. When you. When you met each other. When you met each other and then what was the first sort of few weeks like? Because we were. You were living in different cities. You know what I mean? And so we have a lot of women who are like, okay, we live in different cities. We're kind of long distance.

Yeah. I'm afraid I'm not going to hear from him while we're apart. And this is all going to be just a nice little fling or dream, you know, that we had this amazing date and now it's just silence. Like, he leaves you on red again or something like that.

Yeah. Oh, I was definitely.

She had those fears.

Yeah, I was. Because, like, even. Okay, so the night before when after we, like, had like, basically four dates in one day, we ended up making out that night. And I usually didn't kiss.

I know.

I usually didn't kiss guys on the first date, so it was like I was breaking my rule. Which granted, like, you said we were friends via Instagram for, you know, I think it was like nine months or something leading up to this. So. Yeah, so. So I. I kept saying, like, while we were making out, I was like, I can't believe I'm making out my Instagram crush. This is so crazy.

Say that out loud.

Yeah, Yeah, I don't.

Like, I can't believe I'm making out with my best friend. You're like a brother to me. Why am I.

No, no, no. I said my Instagram crush.

I know, but.

Yeah.

Oh, I thought you said Instagram friends.

No, no, my Instagram crush.

No, no, no.

I was like best friend. No, no, I was like. I had had a. I was like. I had a Crush on you for, like, all these months, and now we're making out. Like, I don't know, like, you think about the person you have a crush on on Instagram. You see them from afar. You see, you know, they're so hot, and you're like, oh, that's really, like, when that. And then one day you're like, making out with them. You're like, what the frick? Like, how am I making out? This guy I've been watching online for nine months that I had a crush on, you know, So I was, like, saying that to him, and then I think I was like, straight up being like, I think I did say something like. Or like, are we just. Did I say this out loud? I was just thinking my head.

I was like, is this a one time thing?

Yeah. Is this like a one time thing? Like, I think. I don't think I said this out loud, but I do remember thinking, I hope he isn't just, like, making out with me right now, because it's like this pretty Southern California girl, and he's just like, in town for, like, a business trip, and then he, like, goes home and, like, regular life continues on. So I for sure did have that fear. And, yeah, I knew that that was, like, a possibility, I guess. So I was, like, willing to be vulnerable, to be like, I guess I'm willing to take that chance. And then, like I said, like, right when he, like, after we went to that coffee date, and then he drove away to the airport that morning to go catch his flight, and he texted me within, like, in five minutes. And I was like, okay. I was like, so he's still texting me. And then we, like, FaceTimed every night for, like, three hours a night. And what's kind of cool, actually, is that I had started a 21 day prayer challenge. And so it's so wild as our date was on, like, day 16 of that prayer challenge. And I obviously didn't know that I'd be, like, seeing him or anything like that when I started the prayer challenge. So I started the prayer challenge and I was actually talking to three other guys. So he was like, I actually had.

One of my best friends shooting her shots.

Yeah, I was shooting my shots, like I said. And one of my best friends came from Col. I. It's a long kind of long story, but I'm actually from Colorado, but we have no mutual friends in the state of Colorado. So I had to move to San Diego to meet Nicholas and Amanda to meet Frankie. Crazy, crazy. But one of my best friends from Colorado came to visit, and I was telling her about the four guys on my roster, and I was like, okay, so there's this guy, and there's this guy, and there's this guy, and there's this guy, and one of the guys was Frankie. And I remember being like, okay, so, like, my Instagram crush has been, like, flirting with me a little bit more lately. He's starting to, like, after he went. He went to Tony Robbins. And I still remember being like, after. After Tony Robbins, he started to be, like, actually flirt with me, which all the times prior was, like, very. Yeah, literally. So I was like, okay. It was like, my Instagram crush is flirting with me. That's cool. And then she was like, no, he lives in Colorado. You don't like living. Like, you don't want to live in Colorado?

You.

Yeah, McKenna.

Just kidding.

So she was like, you hate Colorado. You're not. It's not going to work out. So she's like, I would put him off the roster, and then I would, like, focus and then cut this other guy and focus on those two. And so we were, like, having those conversations. And then when Frankie and I went on that first date the next day, I called the other three guys to let them know that, like, I was done, because I just knew so quickly that he was my person.

Wow.

And then on day 22, after my prayer challenge, it was seven days after our first date, Frank and I were FaceTiming, and he was like, I feel like I'm, like, a cheesy, like, schoolboy right now, but, like, will you be my girlfriend? And I was like, yeah, I will be. And so we became boyfriend girlfriend seven days after our first date, and I.

Was in Vegas on a work trip.

What is that? How to do?

Just, like, I remember. I just remember, but I remember, like.

Where I was debauchery. Like, I need to really settle down.

I just. Boy, you always remember where you, like, those big moments happen. I was, like, in the hotel room, like, smiling the whole time. But what would you say to answer his question about, like, I know you work with a bunch of clients around who have those questions of, okay, well, we're doing long distance. Like, what if he doesn't respond or call or, like, what was your specific question?

Yeah, it was more like just managing.

Well, you might ask.

Yeah, like, worry or fear, insecurity. I mean, it sounds like you didn't have a lot of that coming up because Frankie was so consistent after your amazing date.

Right.

Didn't have the opportunity for that, but maybe to go back a little bit too, because there were periods before you got to that point as well where he was leaving you on red. And maybe you had some anxieties about how the date could have gone because he was your Instagram crush. Crush, and you're going on this date with an Instagram crush. So maybe to go back to some of the mindset in those moments when he wasn't as available or you had more uncertainty, how were you managing your. Your own thoughts and emotions in that process? To stay open and, like you said, vulnerable, to have the courage to be vulnerable? How did you get yourself to that place of being open and available and not trying to chase him or being really insecure or jealous or ask him if he's dating other girls or whatever? Yeah, potentially with other women.

Yeah. I think, for me, because I just knew what a catch I. What a catch I was, what a catch I am. Although now I'm obviously a cat. Hey, no one's catching my husband now, but.

Oh, I just love how you did that, Frankie. He was just claiming his territory.

Oh, yeah.

He's like, nobody. No one's catching you.

Yeah, you're just.

I already catch you.

Yeah, you got me. You got me. But, yeah, I think I just knew my high value. So when he didn't respond, I honestly, like, it hurt. Like, it was a little bit, like, oh, dang. Like, all right, that's weird that he's not responding.

Go ahead.

Because some women might, in that situation, like, totally write a guy off or even sometimes get angry. Like, well, I guess we're just not, you know, you're just not interested.

So I'm.

I think we should just be done here or something like that, you know? So some. I. I call it the wounded animals.

Ignore him next time.

Women will get left on red, and they'll get resentful about that. So they either send a nasty message or they'll block him or do something.

Yeah, you did get resentful a couple times.

Oh, let's. Let's hear that.

Well, because, yeah, I was gonna say I. I was doing a Q A on my Instagram recently, and people were asking the same question, like, how did you not get super anxious when he didn't respond to you? And how did you not get, like, pissed and all that kind of stuff? I don't know.

Or if you did, like, how did you recover?

You did.

I know.

Remember when you did tell the story, the short story of the scavenger.

Okay. The scavenger hunt is real.

You were about to write yeah, let's hear about that.

Okay, so we'll talk about the scavenger hunt. So Frankie and I were. Had never not perfect, folks.

It's high value, but, you know, we all have our little things.

Well, I was gonna say, like, within the messaging on Instagram. I didn't ever get mad when you didn't respond because I was literally just like, I was talking.

I know we were friends.

I. Talking to a lot of other guys. Like, when you're talking to a lot of guys, you don't care as much. When one guy doesn't write you back.

You'Re like, well, that's actually a good point. That's a good point. Right there is the fact that you were dating other guys, even when you were on this date with Frankie, you had three other guys you were dating. Which is also true for us. When me and Auntie were in our first dating stages before I claimed her as my boyfriend, like, she was dating another guy. So that's my girlfriend. I think there's. That's my girlfriend. Well, I was the boyfriend.

Whatever.

You know, they get it.

We'll edit that out.

She's a female.

Everyone in this day and age have to clarify.

True.

Unfortunately true. But yeah. So there's something to be said, I think, about keeping your options open until a man has really claimed you.

Yes.

Right. That you're not going. That's part of, I think, being the high value piece is you're not just waiting around. Some women who come to us, they're putting a guy on a pedestal and they're like, I'm not interested in anyone else. I don't want to talk to anybody. It's like, this is my guy, and, like, he's the only option. And they cut off all other opportunities, which. Who knows, if you would have done that to one of the other guys, you wouldn't have even gone on a date with Frankie.

Yeah.

So you kept your options open. Available. Because none of those other guys that sounded like were really claiming you.

Right.

Or that you felt that kind of connection with, and they probably weren't claiming you on top of that. So how did you. So that's. That's just a good point.

And also to add into that, to your point, even if I had gotten in my mind, oh, Frankie Vignone, my Instagram question, I'm, like, waiting for him. If I had had that energy towards him, I actually wonder, like, then I would have been really hurt when he didn't respond to my DMs, and then I probably would have Gotten very, like, angry and resentful and, like, oh, what's happening? You know, and jealous. And then I bet you we wouldn't have worked out, because he probably wouldn't have liked that energy anyway, you know, so. Even with Frankie. But because everyone's on the edge of their seat about the scavenger hunt.

I'm on the edge.

I've heard it a hundred times. Sweating with anticipation.

Okay, so I'm trying. Frankie wants me to tell a short story. I'm going to try to go as short as possible. So I was flying home to Colorado because my family lives in Colorado, and anytime I would fly home, I would DM my Instagram crush, Frankie Vignone, and say, hey, I'm gonna be in town. So just like every other time I sent him a dm, said, hey, I'm gonna be in town. Like, are you around? Or something like that. Well, he responded. I was like, no, I won't be. I'm actually flying to Seattle the same day that you're landing in Denver. And I was like, oh, well, what time is your flight? Because we're both flying out of Denver international airports. I'm like, maybe we'll be able to, like. Because had we met at this time? Oh, yeah. We met one time before this, at your birthday, at my birthday party. The first time we ever met, I flew home to Colorado, and I hosted a birthday party for myself in Colorado, and I invited him, and then him and his best friend stopped by, and so we, like, met within a group setting. So that was my first time ever meeting Frankie. But our first date was our second time meeting in person, which was, like, four months later. Anyway, so the scavenger hunt was in early August, for context. And so I DM him. He. He. We're going to be at the DIA at similar times. And so I say to him, okay, I'm going to do a scavenger hunt or something like that. And I'm, like, joking, like, a winky face or something. And he's like, you won't. And I'm like, if someone says you won't to me, I will immediately do whatever they say you won't to. Right? Because I will challenge that. And so I was like, oh, okay. So then I'm, like, talking with my friends, like, okay, I'm going to do a scavenger hunt for Frankie Vignone, my Instagram crush, at the airport. But I was like, I don't want to seem like a try hard, so. Because to the point of this entire episode, you know, I was like, I don't want to try too hard. I was like, I wanted something kind of cute, but not too much. So what I decided to do is I got like two little note cards, and one of them I left at seas candy, like a little the little chocolate shop. And I put, roses are red, violets are blue, are blue. Follow your nose to the coffee of brew. Because then the second part of the scavenger hunt was going to be a little coffee shop that was across the way. And then I bought him like a little chocolate caramel, you know, package with chocolate caramels in it. And I told the seas candy girl, like, hey, there's this really hot guy, tall, dark, handsome. He's gonna be coming through the airport about two hours. Because we were missing each other at the airport. So that's why we had to do scavenger hunt. I'm like, he's gonna come in two hours, so, like, give him this little present. She's like, oh my gosh, this is so cute. I'm so excited to be a part of this. And then I go to the coffee place and I write, roses are red, violets are blue. Sorry to disappoint. The scavenger hunt is a thrill. And then I buy him a 15 gift card for that place. And as a side note, they made a really big deal out of it. And I was like, I need to talk to your manager, because they told me no. And I was like, no, I'm not taking no as the answer. Go get your manager. So he goes and gets his manager, and I'm like, hey, I'm leaving this present for this guy. Tall, dark, handsome. He'll be through in two hours. If he doesn't come, you can just keep the 15 gift card yourself. You're welcome. So yeah, I do that. And then what I send Frankie is a picture, and the picture is of seize candy. And I, like, took the angle of the picture where you could see, like, what gate I was at and like, the number so he'd be able to put together. And I. I text in the picture. I go, first hint of the scavenger hunt. He responds like, hahaha. Or something like that, right? He, like, probably doesn't really get.

I thought she was kidding. I like, what? Two of my best friends were like, going to this guy's trip, like, not really prioritizing this.

And then on top of that, do you want to go ahead and share that in your part of the story?

Oh, yeah. So we somehow dia if anybody's ever flown From Denver to DIA it's like, at least 30 minutes this time. It took us like, an hour and a half because there's so much traffic. So we roll up there, and there's, like, three different gates to get to the air to get to the gate, three different trains to get to the gate. So long story short, we basically almost missed our flight, so I had no time to do the scavenger hunt.

So they were at two totally different, like, parts of the airport.

So this is gonna happen.

Yeah.

Yeah. So he texted me, and he's like, oh, sorry, I'm not gonna make it for the scavenger hunt, or something like that. And then in that moment, that's when I got pissed, and I was like, this. Throw me off this child. So I'm like, goodbye. Goodbye. I got lots of other guys in the roster, like, you are out. And so I did. That was my one moment where I got pissed and wrote him off because I was like, I. He obviously didn't know to the extent of what I did. I thought he, like, would know that, like, I told him I did a scavenger hunt. I sent him the first clue of the scavenger hunt. It's pretty obvious, you know? But now I understand his perspective. The fact that he would have missed his flight if he had done the scavenger hunt makes sense.

So what do you mean by you wrote him off? Did you send him a message or did you just, oh, no, ignore him for a while or.

That'd be weird.

What did you do? Just. Nothing. Are you just in your mind mentally?

Yeah, mentally. No. I went off.

Her and her girlfriends had some gossip.

Yeah. I think I texted my two friends who helped me think of the ideas, and I was like, dude, he is such a loser. Like, he's, like, gone, you know, like, bye. But, no, I didn't send him any message. Like, he was probably sending me still some flirty messages, and I was like, probably playing it cool. Like, I didn't care, but. But in my mind, I was like, all right. I don't think this guy's the one. Because I feel like if he was really the one, he would have. Like, he would have done my scavenger hunt.

I. I love that approach.

Man. Will he do my scavenger? He's the one.

It's a simple test to pass.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? Especially.

Even though he's running late.

I don't think I knew he was running late. I think he literally. He didn't really communicate that much. He was literally like, hey, I'm not gonna make it. And I was like, what do you mean you're not gonna make it?

Yeah.

And you're. And maybe you're like, yeah, I'm running.

A little late is so important.

So I didn't. I don't think he knew that I put time and energy to the scavenger hunt. Then I didn't know he would have missed his flight if he had done my sky, you know what I mean? So on both sides, we didn't really know what was going on. Granted, again, we were just like two pals that were, you know, there wasn't anything going on.

Situation all around.

Yeah.

That's why it's like. Yeah.

But it's like, interesting what you said, right? Like, if he loved me, he would do this. And I think a lot of women do this, right. They said I had so many rules. I'm like, you have to wait this long. You have to say this. You can't call five minutes late off of your head to leave your phone number. If you really loved me, you would respect me from the get go. And so oftentimes I wonder, you know, I mean, for me personally, it was about a little bit sort of this wanting to punish someone, you know, because it felt so good to the ego to be like, off of his set. You know what I mean? Because it makes you superior because you just did something and now it makes you feel inferior because you're like, oh, my God, I just poured my heart out and it just travels.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it kind of feels like that.

Right, Right.

You know what I mean? Like, so I wonder if there was something like that for you going on too, about, like, wanting to subconsciously punish him.

Yeah, probably a little bit. And I would say, like, thinking about, like, attachment styles, I definitely, like, my more natural attachment style is not an anxious attachment. It's more the avoidance. Yeah. I'm more avoidant. It's like my natural.

That would make sense.

So that's why, like, to me, it's like I. I'm. If. If someone, like, pisses me off, I'm less likely to be like, all anxious and stuff. I'm most likely just like, bye. But that's not always healthy. So I've had to, like, work on, you know, within our marriage, not avoiding things and really pressing in.

Yeah. Closing up and punishing through silence and things.

Yeah. But I will say this sounds probably bad. I'd be curious to know your guys's thoughts. But I feel like within dating, having leaning a little bit more to the Avoidant, like guys always pursued me and I think it's because I was never in my anxious. And so like I think that that slight avoidant actually made guys like really come after me because I was like a little bit detached, which is, has a good side to it. But also I'm also saying there's like the negative, unhealthy side to it. So I'm not trying to say that's all like healthy. And again, I'm very imperfect. But I think that that's why when sometimes like when women ask me a lot of like anxiety type questions, I just never struggled with that because I was more on the avoidant side of things.

100 and you want to say something first?

Well, yeah, I was going to ask related to that because you mentioned before how you're like, I knew I was a high value woman, I knew I was a catch. But women who are most of the women I would say in our audience are on the more anxious side as well.

Anxious avoidant. To have a good amount of avoidance abilities, to dismiss men if they don't follow the lead or the plan too.

So yeah, both, you know, or lower confidence. So how, like, how did you know? Like to get to that point, that's a, that's a bit of a leap for a lot of women to get to that point where it's like, I know I'm a catch, I know I'm high value. And yeah, yes, you said you were more of an avoidant attachment style. So it could be just how you were always kind of operating. And maybe it's just like a fish doesn't know that it's wet. You were just always knowing that you're, you know, a prize or you're high value. But was there anything that you may have done or that might have helped you? Some thoughts or belief shifts leading up to that that got you to be at the place where it's like, I know I'm a catch, I know I'm high value.

Yeah, I struggled a lot with confidence like in high school and college. And a lot of it was really more like depression and even like suicidal type thoughts. So I definitely wrestled with that side of things. I'd say I probably always had charisma, which is why I think it's so important for people to realize there's a big difference between confidence and self worth and charisma. Because even when I, you know, my thing, if anyone reads my book, my book is called Flexor Confidence Muscle, it's on Amazon. And you know, you can buy it anywhere. But in my book I talk about kind of the journey of this, so I'll just touch on it very briefly. But I actually believed I was going to die in a car accident for eight years of my life. And that was like, until it was like all of high school and all of college that I, I thought I was destined to die in a car accident. And, and there's a lot, you know, a lot there. So I know I'm kind of like dropping a bit of a bomb, but I, I experienced freedom from that right after I graduated from college. And it was because my Bible study leaders, they walked me through a deliverance session and called the spirit of death out of me. And literally from that day on I started to believe that my life, that I was allowed to live my entire life. And so that was like such a game changing moment for my entire life because I no longer thought that I was destined for death. And because I thought I was going to die for so many years I would tell myself like, I shouldn't get married because I'd be like, well, I don't want to die on my husband and I definitely don't want to have kids because I don't want to die on the kids. So like a lot of decisions I was making actually were tied to this belief that I was going to die. So. So like, I try to share some of my story because it's not like I just was walking around confident all the time. But even when I believed I was going to die young, I still presented myself as a confident person because I was charismatic and outgoing and so I was presenting like an aura of confidence. And so for me, like my whole journey was learning that like my life actually matters and that I'm allowed to live my life to the fullest and that God created me for life and life to the fullest and that God has good plans in store for me and that God loves me. And yeah, just like I started to start, I started to like really believe in my life. And I think that is what started to switch things. So a lot of things, I was in a six year relationship right when I got delivered from the spirit of death. I broke up with him because I knew he wasn't my person. And I would literally tell myself like, oh, he'll figure out that, that we're not supposed to be there when I die. Like that's how, that's how deep it was. And yeah, it was, it was bad. And so I, it was very crippling for a lot of years to believe that I was destined for death. And it's kind of crazy because the more I've shared this on podcasts and within my book and stuff, the more I have women reach out to me saying like, oh my gosh, I've never shared with anyone before that, like, I thought I was going to die young of cancer. I thought I was going to die young of this or that. And so I do think that sometimes, like, I guess what I would say is I experienced a very deep version of my life, doesn't matter, and therefore nothing that I do really matters. And then having that completely shift in my life and start to be like, my life matters and God is good and God has good plans for me, that'd be the biggest shift that I made that then allowed me to start to believe that my life mattered. And so I broke up with a six year boyfriend. I moved from Colorado to California. I completely changed my career path. I started my own business. Like, every decision I made from there on out was like, I get to live my life. Like, I almost feel like I hear stories of people who almost had like a near death experience, like they got ran over by a car and they almost died, but then they like, survived and then their whole life, like, transformed. I feel like I in a weird way underwent that because of my experience. And so that's really what kind of started to change, is that I was like, I got to live my whole life and then. And then that's changed a lot of things. And even after that, though, I was still probably settling a lot in relationships where I was like, I can either have like a really strong Christian guy who, who loves Jesus, morals and values. We have the same faith. He's a great guy. I thought I could have that or I could have someone who's really hot and really sexy and fun and passionate and playful. So I had this limiting belief that I could have one or the other. And so I would date those two avatars a lot of times. And so it wasn't until I really started to do a lot of this inner work of starting to understand, like, what limiting beliefs do I have, what's the truth, what do I want to believe? And really believing that God is a good God, he's not asking me to, like, I think I just thought he was, like, mean or like, wanted me to like, marry someone who kind of sucked or something, but, like, at least he'd be a nice guy or something. I created all these weird narratives. And so I think as I began to heal the narratives and realize that God wanted to give me the desires of my heart and that I could have it all. I don't need to settle. When I started to shift into that mindset, that's when Frankie ended up entering the picture.

Yes. Your high self worth and high sense of knowing that you're a prize, you're a catch was really derived from that. Just knowing that your life matters, that there's a reason why you're here, you are inherently valuable. You're God's creation and you have value because he created you perfectly. And so that's kind of where it derived from. Right. It's just kind of this spiritual awakening almost that you have and casting off.

Yeah.

Some of those spirits. So that. That's beautiful.

And also, I do believe, like, although what you went through, that it gave you dimension and gave you depth, that, you know, I always say if I hadn't gone through my challenges, how shallow I would be, you know, like the shallow aspects of life that I would pay attention to and maybe I wouldn't be where I am today, you know, to coach. Or you wouldn't be able to empathize with other women. Right. Because you'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, you would actually, like, think I don't know what you talk about. You know what I mean? I had like a glorious childhood. I had a glorious. And all the things. Right. So I think it adds to your charisma that you have gone through this, you know, almost like fortifies it.

Yeah.

It's not just like sort of on the surface, but it's like it just generates it without you having to do anything. Because you've gone through the deepest, darkest valleys that someone could go through.

Yeah. Very, very well said, Ontia. Thank you.

So when you.

Oh, yeah, I was gonna ask Frankie.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what I wanted to show.

I wanna. I'm curious, Frankie, with. After you guys started dating each other or really became boyfriend and girlfriend even, or that after that date, that amazing date that you had, what do you think inspired you? Because you texted her right away and you kept pursuing her, what do you think inspired you to keep pursuing her? Because you had a healthy. It sounds like a healthy, masculine, feminine dynamic going on after that date, especially where you were like, moving things forward, you were leading the relationship forward, what do you think inspired you to keep doing that? And how did that also expand through your relationship up till today where you've. There's anything that Janelle has done that's inspired you into continuing to be that leader, continuing to move the relationship forward, being masculine to her, feminine. Any thoughts on that?

Yeah, I mean, what inspired me is like just the fact that I knew right away and I knew that I needed got to continue to progress things forward and had the opportunity to try and like, because she is a high value woman. So you have to continue to pursue high value, you know, men or women, whatever side you're on. Right. And for me as like, I always wanted to do stuff, to pursue her, to like show her I loved her, to show I cared for her, to amaze her, to wow her, to show her that this wasn't going to be like a normal relationship. Like not like nothing she's ever experienced before. Like nothing I've never experienced before. So that was being more intentional with my communication than I had ever been before. That was being more vulnerable than I had ever been before. That was, you know, planning stuff, like planning dates, planning be staying up for me, staying up till midnight or 1am, which I go to bed at 10pm so like that was a huge, huge sacrifice for me. So like all these little things that I knew that she was my person. So I had the opportunity to show it and prove it. Not just by saying like, oh, I love you or like whispering sweet nothings, but actually like proving it in my actions. And I would say, like, what has made our marriage so strong? We're coming up on five years actually this month, at the end of this month. But what is one thing that has made our marriage so strong is that in my opinion, I think I do a really good job of. We go on date nights pretty much every single week. I tell her how much I love her, I tell her how much I am proud of her, how much I support her with the work that she's doing. Like, I just try and every single day just infuse that into our marriage. And she does the same thing for me. And I think that's what makes our marriage so strong and like our dating life so strong leading up to it. It's just something that I truly believe that will never go away. And I don't want it to go away.

Yeah, we're committed to the honeymoon phase forever. That was a quote that we started really early in our relationship because a lot of people would be like, oh, you guys are in the honeymoon phase. That's so cute. Like, just wait. And we would literally speak that over our life.

Yeah, we had that so much as well.

We're like saying we're forever honeymooning.

Let's go.

There you go.

We haven't Trademarked it yet, so don't steal it.

But yesterday we were going on a. On a your date date. Date night, and, you know, we really had sort of this moment. We're like, oh, it's like, almost like our first date. And then, like, a couple next to us. The woman, like, smiles all at me, and she's like, probably thinking we're, like, newly wed. You know, I'm pregnant and all the things, and. And I'm like, if she only knew. Yeah, but that you can have that, right? Like, that you don't have to, like. And I think part of it is by being so authentic and transparent parent and real and raw, right. You can really grow together and connect at that deepest level of intimacy, that it doesn't hit the plateau. Because I feel like so many times people say, oh, after two years, you know, you're going to hit the plateau, and it's just going to be routine, and you're just going to take each other for granted and, you know. Yeah, I totally agree. Forever honeymooning, baby.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Well, the other question I had was, yes, you had something.

No, but, Frankie, the question that I wanted to ask. When did you just feel like when Janelle was sharing, you know, the deepest, darkest valleys that she's gone through, and. Because so many women are, like, saying, oh, if I say that, and my. My partner is going to think this is too much. This is too complicated, too heavy, you know, I don't want to talk about this. Let's keep it light. So how. How did that feel for you? I mean, obviously you've heard it before.

Yeah, yeah. Or even the first time she shared that with you.

I mean. I mean, it broke my heart because I just love her so much. And just to think, like, what would life be like if she wasn't here, not just for me, but for the impact that she gets to have on so many people. And that's why I'm just so. I'm so proud of her because I just know how much of an impact she's already had and she'll continue to have on people. And that's why, like, I will continue to be her biggest cheerleader. Like, it's easy. It's easy when you're looking at the other person and the work that they do to, like, encourage them, but it's hard when you're the one doing the work. Like, you don't see the impact that you're making. So just to know the thousands and, I mean, maybe even millions of lives that she's transformed. And, like, the ripple effect that'll have, it's just. It makes me so proud. But I think. I mean, the first time I ever heard, it just. It broke my heart, but it brought us closer together, and then it led me. She was more vulnerable than I was, and, I mean, probably still is today, but it allowed me to step up and, like, be more vulnerable and share things that I thought I couldn't share either with. With somebody else because they would judge me, or it would push us away. But it's led to so many things, and we shared it very early on, so that helped a lot.

Yeah. And just to get a last sort of overview of your guys's relationship and your journey, looking back to the place you've gotten to now, what do you feel were some of the biggest traits about Janelle or experiences you went through that just made you feel even more of, like. Like you just shared with the vulnerability piece. If there's anything else around that or similar experiences you had where it's just like, wow, I just really love this woman.

Yeah.

Or I just like, something that made your heart melt or made you even more committed, more bonded, more devoted to her.

It's a great question.

That could be traits or anything she's done or experienced.

How much time you got?

Now you can massage it all over yourself.

Yeah. I mean, the first thing as you were asking that that came to mind is just how well she communicates, like, her needs and her desires and her wants.

Like, beautiful.

Every single woman I had dated up to that point was always like, oh, where do you want to go to dinner? Oh, I don't really care. Okay, let's go to. To Mexican. Get there. Why are we at Mexican? Like, I really wanted to get Italian. It's like, that's a silly example. But, like, what I love about Janelle and I've always loved about Janelle is like, if she wants Mexican food, she'll tell you. If she wants Italian food, she'll tell you. If she doesn't care, she actually doesn't care. And that's, like, one thing that we joke about, because I used to with, like, ex girlfriends, I would have to make the joke, be like, guess where I'm taking you to dinner tonight? And then I would just wait for them to guess. Like, yep, that's right. That's where we're going. Because I didn't know where to choose. So it was like my little sneak attack to get them over the edge.

I saw that, like, a trend of that on Instagram. Recently, And I was like, yeah, my husband doesn't have to do that. Like, I. I either have idea. If he says, what do you want? Then I'll tell him what I want. Or sometimes I'll, like, he'll say, what do you want? I want. I'll say, I want you to plan it. I want you to surprise me. I don't care. I want you to surprise me. And so, yeah, I'm very, very straightforward, very honest.

Yeah. So the communication was big. And then also. And this is something new for me, and we're still learning it, but just, like, setting boundaries around and protecting your marriage. Right. Like, and that includes from your family, from your friends, from work, and just, like, the importance of, like, putting our marriage first above everything else. And there are these interesting family dynamics where it's like, you know, you. You bring those into marriage or you bring those into dating. And for me, like, I'm very close to my family. She's very close with her family, too. But Janelle had, like, already done some work previously to me where she was, like, able to communicate, like, hey, we're going home. Like, Like, I don't want to spend an entire week where we're just, like, at. The parents will to do whatever they want. Like, we need to have some alone time. Like, I want to make sure we go on a date during this time. I want to make sure, like, we have our own separate room. And it wasn't, like, all these ridiculous things, but it was just, like, these boundaries of wait. Oh, man. To me, at first, it felt like, rude to my family, but what it's done is it's protected our dating life and now our married life. So, like, she's so good about that, too. Like, she's a boundary queen almost to a fault. But it is. It has helped our marriage so well, so I could keep going on, but, like, the first things that come to mind is, like, clear communication and boundary setting.

When you guys are having conflict or any issues, is there anything she does that makes it better?

That makes the fighting better?

Yeah. It allows you to work through the conflict more effectively or in a way that is more enjoyable for you.

Yeah. Talk about being vulnerable. I mean, sometimes I. I have, like, a temper where I can, like, not blow up, but, like, get mad and yell. To be honest, at my worst points. And me, too, luckily, like, again, with Janelle's grace and God's grace, and I've gone to therapy and, like, have worked through, like, what that looks like. And if I get to that moment to walk away. But again, I would say it comes back to Janelle. Like, we're. That's. We don't. When we fight, like, we don't yell at each other. Like, that's probably 1% of the time, and it's my fault, not her fault, but, like, we're. We just talk through things, and we. Luckily, there's two types of. Or a couple different types of way to have conflict, like, where you just go at it and fix it or you kind of avoid. So for me and her, we just go at it and we fix it. So what I appreciate. We sit down and just have the conversation, work through it.

I think what you were saying, because we had learned about, like, different conflict resolution styles. Some conflict resolution people like to resolve, like, later on in a couple. In a couple hours or a couple days. They need a lot of time for processing. And then there's some people who like to deal with it in the moment. And when we learned about this from some of our, like, mentors, and they're also, like, marriage coaches, they were talking about how usually in a marriage, there's one and one. So then you kind of have to have these conversations of, like, one person wants to resolve the conflict right away, and one person wants to wait for a couple hours or a couple days. But luckily for Frank and I, we actually are both people who like to resolve conflict in the moment. So we just. Right in that moment, like, we deal with it right then, and we don't wait till tomorrow or the next day. And so we're just. I feel like we kind of, like, even over communicate sometimes, because we're just so. We're just so open and honest with each other.

Is there anything you focus on, Janelle, as far as how you communicate your emotions to him?

I. I think, like, one thing I've worked on is, like, you know, I hate the word nagging because I feel like nagging is only used for women and not for men. And I think we both probably nag for different things. But I do feel like there has definitely been times where I've been like. And I still. I still have moments like this. So it's not like it's. This is totally healed, by the way, but something I've worked on and continue to work on is, like, trying to know the right time and place to bring certain things up. Like, littler things. You know, like when he brushes his teeth and then there's still some toothpaste in the sink. I'm like, are you freaking kidding me?

Like, how do you not See the.

Green toothpaste in the sink? Like, it blows.

You have black toothpaste. Dude with it makes a mess.

You can really see it. Yeah.

Yeah.

So, like, it's like that kind of thing. It's like, sometimes I just have to be like, okay, I want to just kind of, like, blow up on him and be like, I need you to just get the toothpaste down the drain.

That's all I need.

But, you know, like, I've learned to be like, okay, sometimes it's not the right moment to bring it up. I am probably still going to bring it up. But, like, let's wait till I'm not in such a. Like. Like, it's not, like, triggering me so bad. And wait a few hours. Like, when he's in a. Maybe a better place. Like, instead of it, maybe. We both work from home, so it can be easy to bring things up right in the middle of the work day or whatever. But I'll try. Like, okay, you know, if something's, like, actually urgent and it's, like, a big deal, then of course we're gonna talk about right away. But I'm like, if it's the toothpaste, you can probably wait a few hours. And also, like, you can have. Because I'm such a boundaries person, like, I'm not the, like, pushover that's just like, I'll just keep, like, washing down the sink for him and wash out and not bringing it up. Like, no, I'm gonna bring it up. But again, how I bring it up and when I bring it up is really important. And. And if I wait a few hours, usually I'm, like, a little bit less triggered so that I can be like, hey, I just wanted to mention, you know, your toothpaste is in the sink again. Do you mind cleaning that up? And so I can do it in a way that's a lot more gentle and. And also wait for the right time. So that's something I think I've. I've worked on. Is, like, one. Trying to be more gentle when I bring things up, because I can be very, like, you know, intense and brutally honest. So I work on intense. Yeah. Who, Me? So being more gentle is something. And giving more grace and waiting for the right timing would be, like, my stuff that I'm working on.

What do you think about respect in the relationship? Do you feel like there's anything you do in particular that may be helping to show more respect towards him or the way to communicate your feelings respectfully rather than aggressively or potentially moving into like disrespecting or emasculation.

Yeah, I don't get too terribly caught up on that, honestly. Like, I've, obviously, I do respect my husband, but I think women tend to as a whole, like, they a lot of times bottle things up. That's why, you know. Did you guys know that 85 of divorce is because a woman leaves a man? So 85 is because. And I think some of that. I know that, like, the man obviously plays a part, but I wonder how often that's because a woman bottles things up over and over and over again. Or maybe she says things passive aggressively or little like comments here or there, but she's not really sitting down and being like, hey, this is a big deal to me. And the reason why this is a big deal. And like, this needs to change or else things aren't going to go well for us. So we've had those types of conversations before where I've been like, hey, this needs to change. This is not okay. And so in that moment, yes, I'm being respectful, but I don't get in my head around, like, am I going to make him feel demasculated? Like, I'm like, I want us to have a healthy marriage. And a healthy marriage means clear communication. So I, I don't, I don't know. I just think time sometimes.

Well, you do.

You don't. Sorry. Keep going.

Well, last thing I'll say is I just think sometimes women trying to be too much in their feminine and too feminine with it is that actually they like, they're like, and this is in the church a lot. And that's why I feel like I, I meet a lot of people at church, not our church, other churches, that I'm just not impressed with their marriages. And I think it's because women just take way too many, like, submissive. They're just being too submissive. And I'm like, honey, yes, I get that. Like we're supposed to be, you know, we just heard a whole message on this, actually, that I really, that was explaining some of the, you know, the Bible verse around women submit to your husbands. And it's really talking about alignment. So I like the word alignment because of course, Frankie and I do want to be aligned and I do want to allow Frankie to lead. At the same time, I think that women can sometimes take the be submissive and even men can take the word, the words be submissive way too seriously. And, and I think it stops women from actually saying things they need to say, even again, say it with Love, say it with grace. But you gotta be. You gotta be clear. And I love one of Brene Brown's quotes. So it's clear as kind and unclear is unkind. And I've taken that into Frankie and I's marriage and our relationship as like, I'm actually doing him a favor when I'm being clear and honest. I'm actually giving him a present when I'm being clear and honest. And him to me too. It goes both ways. But I'm not just gonna sit back and be, you know, perfectly submissive, AKA shutting my mouth, AKA not saying things that I needed to say just because I'm trying to stay in my feminine or something like that.

Yeah, Being too compliant and just going along with something that you're not even doing and then you end up blowing up later or being overly passive aggressive.

Or totally walk on eggshells, that whole thing. Right. And that's honestly. This is going to be the next topic for our next literally part two, ladies. This is going to be like a whole conversation in the novel itself. I have so many opinions on that too.

So.

Yeah. So what's the best way? Because we're going to wrap this up today, but what's the best way for the viewers to get in touch with you, Janelle, if they want to learn more about what you have to offer?

Yeah, so I do have a free masterclass for anyone who would like to attend. It's called Magnetized Marriage. So it's cool because we both have the Magnetize going and it's three steps to attract your dream husband. That's totally free. So we can, you know, maybe link that below. And otherwise, yeah, I would say you can check out my book Flex your confidence muscle and that's on Amazon or Audible or Spotify. You can just listen to it for free if you have Spotify Premium and you can follow me on Instagram. Janelle Underscore Linnae. Awesome.

Yay.

Love it.

Well, hope this was helpful if you want to take our free Magnetizer man quiz as well to get a loving, long term, committed relationship, we'll put a link for that below this video or in the comments or website. Magnetize your man dot com. Much love. It was so great to have you guys here today.

Thank you for having us. This is awesome. You guys are great podcast hosts. I'm like, so impressed by your amazing questions, amazing answers.

So amazing guests make amazing podcasts.

And thank you to everyone who took your time to listen. We really appreciate you guys taking time out of your day to be here. Like, there's so many podcasts out there, but when they choose to listen to, you know, your podcast, it's like. Or, you know, Frankie and I have a podcast, too. It's like, it's so beautiful that people do that. So thank you for your time.

Oh, yes.

Much love. Take care.

Lots of love.