How To Manifest The PERFECT Relationship

Have you wanted to peek inside of the male mind and understand how they react and respond to different behaviors? Some things that you've said, some things that you've done. Perhaps you've noticed a man leaning in and starting to chase and pursue you or be more attentive, more devoted. Or perhaps you've noticed a man starting to lean back, pulling away, not texting you as often, not being as committed, as invested in the relationship. Well, we're going to unleash and unlock some of those secrets of what might be going on and how you can make sure that your man is giving you the love adoration that you desire in a relationship that lasts. So I'm Brody Boyd with Magnetize youe man for over 20 years, combined with my wife, Antia, we've been helping thousands of successful women get the relationship they want.

Joined today by Kevin Anthony. And I am a certified sexologist, NLP practitioner, sex love and relationship coach. And for over 10 years, I have been helping men, women and couples have the relationship of their dreams and the best sex of their lives.

So we're excited to go into this topic today. It's going to be fun. Make sure to stay all the way to the end because you're going to get some juicy nuggets that you're going to be able to apply and use right away with a man or men in general, depending on what your goals are for your love life. So we're going to go through some examples. We're going to start with examples of what you might have done in the past or what you've seen, maybe your mother has done, other women, perhaps you've seen some behaviors that you noticed were pushing the man away and were perhaps masculine. So maybe we should start by defining what we mean by masculine behaviors. I'll give my definition. I want to see if you have one, too. Kevin so masculine behavior is really like the penetration in sex. It's leading, it is going in, it is making things happen, it is activation, it is achieving outcomes, it is guiding, directing, leading. And feminine energy would be the opposite of that. It would be the feminine receptivity, the openness, the ability to share, to be vulnerable, to receive, to follow the leadership of the masculine. Just also like in a dance. Do you have any other thoughts on the definition before we go into the juice of it?

Kevin I mean, I think that's a great way of explaining it. The only thing that I would add is that, you know, in today's society, if we take a definition like that and, you know, we give it to 10 people, probably 8 out of the 10 are gonna have some objection to that. And so the point I really want to make is that we're not looking at masculine versus feminine as strong versus weak. And this is something that is constantly needing to be corrected. This idea that somehow the feminine, because she's not leading, directing or whatever, somehow in this weak state. Femininity is not weak in any way. It is receptive. And I've used this example many, many times in the past about, you know, since I am a martial artist, you know, the masculine way of being is kind of more like Muay Thai, which is intensely striking, penetrating, pushing, pounding, right? And then there's aikido, which is more like receiving the energy and redirecting it into different places. And so both of them are extremely powerful arts if done well. And it's the same thing here. So when we're talking about, you know, masculine versus feminine, don't ever assume that the feminine is somehow weak or lesser than. It's just different.

It's the opposite pole different, but equally valuable. So, so part of it also why we're talking about this is because masculine feminine polarity, the difference in those energies, is really the only thing that creates long term desire, attraction, passion, chemistry in a relationship. So by understanding these principles, by learning what we're gonna talk about today, it'll help you to be able to actually create a healthy, polarized relationship where your man is drawn to you, he's activated, he's passionate, he feels the chemistry. And you will as well because you're gonna be able to have this harmonious dance together in the masculine and fe energies that creates a relationship that can withstand other trials and tribulations and the test of time, ultimately. So that's why we really want to go into this masculine feminine polarity. Because through the law of polarity, which says that opposites attract, you're going to be able to attract, by you being in your feminine, a healthy masculine man. And now what we're going into is if you're in your masculine as a masculine woman, you're going to start attracting more feminine men or you're going to attract a man who's just not interested at all. Because there's no polarity there, there's no difference in energy. And so do you have anything else you want to add to that before we go into the masculine behaviors to avoid?

Yeah, you know, one thing I'll say is that from my own personal experience, I noticed a pattern where I used to be attracted to and now there's degrees of masculine women. Right. I used to be attracted to, like, moderately masculine women. The reason is, is because I was always very much into action sports and things like that. And so, you know, I wanted a partner who would want to go out on a mountain bike ride with me or who would want to, you know, spend weekends rock climbing around the world.

Right.

These are very, you know, masculine type activities. Yeah. So I was always, you know, oh, you rock climb. Oh, cool. Oh, you mountain. You know, like, I was always interested and attracted to, you know, women who maybe looked feminine in physical appearance but were able to do those types of things. But what I learned through all of those very failed relationships was that that worked if we were out climbing or mountain biking or doing that kind of stuff, but it's. It didn't work in the rest of the relationship.

Yeah.

And I. We don't have time to go into it.

You mean you didn't like her climbing on your rock?

No, that I liked.

But.

But honestly, the way that she climbed on my rock sometimes actually didn't work. And I've. I've told this story on my channel numerous times. I don't really, I don't want to take up too much of our time today, but let me just say that I have been in relationship with multiple women who, who were more on the masculine side. And in every case, that was the number one problem in the relationship. And all of them ultimately was not able to be resolved.

Wow. And it's never a failure if you got the lesson, if you learned what actually makes a relationship work. Right. And it's true for men, as is for women. A lot of men who have been through failed relationships, they've learned, oh, wow, I was too much in my feminine. That's why I was attracting women, taking advantage of me or not wanting to follow my leadership or not respecting me or not being attracted to me. And so then we're going to help you how to be the opposite of that. How to be a wise, aware woman who's now conscious of the dynamics in the relationship, but where you might be moving too much into your masculine, or maybe you have been in your masculine in the past, which has caused failed relationships or men pulling away or men losing interest or dysfunction and whatnot so that you can be in your healthy feminine.

So, you know, honestly, it wasn't until I was in a relationship with a truly feminine woman that. That I realized, well, not only why those other relationships weren't working, but that the truly feminine woman was what I was actually desiring The Entire time and just didn't know it.

Wow. Yeah, that's great. You eventually came to the treasure at the end of the tunnel after you had to slay the dragons and your own dragons, as well as the dysfunctional relationship dragons to get to that end of that hero's journey. But yeah, there's a lot of wisdom here. So let's go into some of the principles. I'm going to give you some examples. I want to hear your thoughts on these. First, Kevin, of masculine behaviors that perhaps you may have engaged in, but masculine behaviors in a relationship. So the first one we'll start with, you see what men think about is controlling behavior. So I have some examples here. So one example of controlling behavior would be planning dates or leading interactions, such as saying, let's plan a date for this Friday. So that'd be the first example. The next example would be telling him what to do, such as giving directions while driving. Take a left turn here. Or the third example would be making reservations or organizing plans, which are traditionally masculine roles. And. And I would even add on to that, not just that you're organizing plans, but you're doing so even without his input or without his request or kind of overriding his ability and desire to make decisions or to plan things himself. That would be taking over the masculine role. Just like in a car. You're taking the steering wheel here. Give it to me. I'm going to decide where we're going. I know this better. I have more clarity in trying to lead the relationship yourself. So what do you think about that, Kevin? What do you think about controlling behavior in a relationship?

First thing I'll say is that controlling behavior in a relationship from a woman towards a man is an absolute relationship killer. It's one of the four Cs that women should ever, ever do controlling. I will also say that the examples that you gave are on the very mild end of the controlling spectrum.

This is why I wanted to use some of these examples because they may be more like common. Right? The more moderate examples are more common than the extreme examples, which would be obviously like treating a man like a little boy and controlling his schedule and packing things for his lunch and taking care. You know, they can go to that extreme. But we can talk about both controlling.

You know, like, I don't necessarily mind too much if my woman decides she's going to arrange some social events. If she takes it upon herself. I mean, we live in a super busy world. I got so much going on, sometimes I don't even really want to deal with the social calendar.

Yeah.

However, that's an agreement that we have.

Yeah.

That. Okay, you're going to handle that. So rather than her just assuming, then just grabbing it and, you know, going, I would also expect that she. Before making any commitments, she's asking, would this be okay? Are you available? Is this something you want to do? Would you even want to spend time with these people? That sort of thing. So, you know, there's a little bit of a fine line with some of those examples that are, you know, on the light end of the spectrum. But what you see a lot of times in the controlling space is like, you're not going to play golf with your buddies this weekend. No. You're going to be here because we have to do this.

Right.

Right. Whatever it is, take care of the kids or, you know, you got to fix the thing in the house. Right. There's. There's a lot of controlling and manipulating. You're not going to go out with your buddies. You can't hang out with that friend because she's a female. And, you know, I'm not going to outright tell you, but I'm just jealous and don't want you to do it. So instead, I'm going to make up a bunch of other reasons and I.

Want to have the logins to your social media accounts or the passcode to your phone or.

Sure.

That would be the more jealous controlling examples, right?

Absolutely. But those are extremely common.

Yeah.

I mean, those are not even the extreme examples. Controlling behavior can get way more extreme than that.

I know, but we've heard many of those stories.

But, yeah, those controlling behaviors generally are. Well, they're going to kill the polarity in the relationship for sure. And if he's not a strong man and he doesn't, you know, step up and set some boundaries around those controlling behaviors, then what's going to happen is he's just going to sit there and build resentment and build resentment and build resentment, which then eventually is probably going to come out by him exploding in some way. Right. That's then going to be considered toxic masculinity. Right. Which is really just him finally getting so frustrated.

The volcano erupts.

The volcano erupts. So controlling behavior is extremely toxic to any relationship. You should never be trying to control your partner. Even when you're in your masculine. As a man, you're not controlling your partner. You are guiding and leading and you're taking feedback in. Right. To make your decision. So controlling is just toxic all around.

Yeah. Another analogy for that would be if we Imagine that dance again. You're dancing with a man and you're trying to basically direct the dance yourself and you're trying to lead him. So, like, no, you're not dancing correctly. Dance this way. This is what I need. This is what I need you to give to me. And kind of yanking his arm. So if you would imagine that in a relationship, but like, you're yanking his arm in the dance, or he's trying to drive the car, but then you're grabbing over and like, no, stop. We're not going that way. I want to go this way. And all of a sudden, what happens in a dance, he's going to not enjoy the dance. He's probably going to stop dancing with you or walk away or in the car situation, it becomes very dangerous where the car ends up potentially crashing because you're both having different directions. He's feeling uncomfortable because he's being told what to do, and the relationship ends up in the ditch.

It's not good.

Yeah.

You know, the dancing example is a great one because even in more traditional forms of dance, like, say, tango or salsa, where the man is very much providing frame and leading that he's not controlling where she goes, he's creating a frame and he's guiding and leading. But he's listening to what her body is saying. He's not going to shove her body in a direction that her body doesn't want to go. Right. So those are a great analogy.

Yeah. And like, in a dance, we don't have to go too deep into that. But if you're not enjoying a man's leadership, then you of course need to speak up and say something to him. And you don't have to dance with a man who's also not leading you well. And you need to be the queen and get space and talk about that, share your feelings around that respectfully so that he can adjust his behaviors. So a man does need to lead well. And we're not saying just follow any man's leadership and you never take the lead, but he needs to lead you well. And if he's not leading you well, you need to speak up using feminine communication, which will teach you as well. So that he wants to change, he wants to be better. And he knows what he's doing right, he knows what he's doing wrong. And he doesn't feel attacked by that. He feels more that he's just getting to witness your open heart. And what he needs to adjust to be a better, a lead and a partner in the relationship. So that Is the controlling behavior, the next example, which is criticizing and blaming. So this would be statements like, you hurt me or you don't care about my feelings. Accusing him and attacking his character. Or the example of using emotions to manipulate or control, such as expressing anger or sadness to get a desired response from him. What do you think about criticizing and.

Blaming another highly, highly toxic behavior? You want to basically kill a relationship. Just criticize, criticize on a regular basis. And they don't even necessarily have to be big criticisms. In fact, some of the worst ones are the little criticisms. The little things. You never do this, or you never do it this way, or you, you know, all those little things, even if it's just about the trash.

Yeah, you can't do it right. You're too slow. You don't get it all. You can't rely on you, I can't trust you, you're untrustworthy. You know, things like that. Saying those actual statements, all of those little. Sometimes it could just be an eye roll too. It could also be with your body language, rolling your eyes or shaking your head, disappointment, frustration, but putting it, like, clearly onto him.

All of those things are absolute relationship killers. They're going to depolarize, of course. They're going to create a ton of resentment. Controlling is bad. There's no doubt about it. But if I had to pick which one is worse out of controlling and criticizing, it is absolutely criticizing. Because, you know, controlling, it's a bit more subtle sometimes. And the criticizing really creates a deep anger inside the person who's being criticized. So it's not even just resentment sometimes, but it can really breed some pretty deep anger in the relationship. If the man happens to have grown up in a household where his mother was like, that was very criticizing, either criticizing his father and. Or him. This is going to massively trigger him. And most likely, you know, people that grew up in those environments tend to be avoidant personality types because they just want to run and hide and get away from the criticism. So you might also notice that if you are doing this criticizing behavior that your man is withdrawing a lot. Gee, I wonder why. He just wants to get away from.

And then you criticize him for withdrawing, and now it's a double criticism. And it's. He's even feeling worse and.

And it. And it ends up being a perpetual cycle. Yeah. What that you can't get out of, which is you. You criticize and then you create behavior that you then criticize that creates more of that behavior.

The downward spiral. Yeah. So part of it is the masculine core. The deepest desires of the masculine core is to be respected and trusted. Just like in a dance, the masculine essence is like leadership, right? So in order to lead, a man needs to feel that he's respected for his leadership and he needs to feel trusted that he can lead, that he's leading, that you want him to lead, that he is valued for his leadership. Now, the feminine's deepest desires are to be cherished and adored, which comes across by being led in the relationship. Being led well, that he's leading you for your pleasure and for his pleasure, that he's taking care of you. He's making sure while he's leading you on the dance floor that you're not bumping into anybody else. You're not going to fall down the stairs, you're not going to slip on this thing that you are looking at. Your facial expressions, your body, are you actually having fun? Are you enjoying it? So there's a lot that goes into masculine leadership for him to cherish and adore you. So if you're criticizing him, basically criticizing. Another way you can look at it is disrespect. Disrespecting a man, basically attacking him and telling him he's not a good lead, he's not leading well, he's not doing a, a good job. And that disrespect is attacking his masculine core. It's saying basically you're a bad man, you're not a good man, you're either bad or you're incompetent, you're either evil or you're stupid. Essentially you're incompetent or you have bad intentions. And so that's attacking his masculine core. The feminine equivalent of that would be a man saying you're unlovable, you're ugly, you're fat, whatever. Those kind of attacks of him attacking your feminine core of like, basically you're not worth being loved and adored and cherished. So that's how it feels. They're both criticisms, but they're different forms of criticisms, often that attack the core that can make a man feel the sense of emasculation and total loss of his masculine self esteem in the relationship. Just like you would lose your feminine sense of self esteem if a man was to criticize your desirability and to say that he basically doesn't find you attractive or he finds you repulsive, that would be like a direct attack on your femininity, that you're not desirable, that you're not lovable. So just to be aware of these things can help you because there's so many things you do Right. And we teach that in so many of our other videos in our memberships and our coaching and our courses. But we wanted to use this video to describe some of the things that could be causing the disconnect so that we can then make sure we first have to stop the madness so you can get on the right track.

Indeed. And, you know, keep in mind, we're not asking you necessarily to just automatically 100% give all your respect to him. He does have to earn it. He does need to step up and show that he's worthy of that. And that's something that when working with men, I'm constantly working with them on. It's like, how do you do that? How do you step up and really be there? But if you're constantly criticizing, complaining, controlling, and doing some of the other behaviors we're about to talk about, you're not even creating space for him to do that.

Yeah. We're going to teach you how to inspire him to be a good leader. And often the first step to start inspiring him to be a good leader and to be a good man for you and cherish and adore you and take care of your heart and make you happy is you have to stop doing the things that are killing his devotion, that are killing his motivation to want to be a better man for you. And then we can use the all the other things that we talk about, such as feminine vulnerability and feminine communication, to activate that even more. So let's go into the next one here. So the next one is we sort of mentioned this already, leading and directing. So there's a couple more examples here. Taking the initiative in conversations or actions such as saying, when are you going to ask me out again? Or tell me what you're feeling? Or making decisions for him, or expecting specific actions such as remember to take care of the paperwork today. So sending reminders to a man, if you're reminding him of things to do, if you're making suggestions to him, if you're trying to coach him or help him or be his therapist, these are different forms of you trying to lead and direct him, to make him become what you want him to be or do what you want him to do. Do you have any thoughts on any of those examples?

Yeah. In general, that basically doesn't work because you're not trusting that he's actually going to be able to be a man. Right now there's a fine line here. Right. Because sometimes men do forget stuff and they don't do the things that they need to do. And so there's a temptation to remind. The problem, though, is, is that while there may be some appropriate moments to remind him, too many women just get in that mode of doing it all the time. Especially if you have children.

Him and mothering him, essentially. Yeah.

So, you know, when you have children and you're in masculine mode to get.

Stuff done all the time, mama bear mode.

You're in mama bear mod. And you're constantly doing that with your kids, directing and telling them what to do.

All right, it's time to go. We got to leave in five minutes. Don't forget.

And then you turn around and you do the same thing to your man. It's terrible. Absolutely terrible. Don't ever do that. If you find yourself doing that pause, take a deep breath and just remember, this is your partner, your husband, your boyfriend, your man, whatever it is, not your child. Now, obviously, if he's not stepping up and being a man, well, you know, then there's other issues in the relationship.

You may say, well, he acts like. Like a child, so I'm going to treat him like a child. Well, that's never going to end the cycle. Right. If we can change how you relate to him, because through the law of polarity, we only need to change one person. Opposite energies attract. If. If you can shift into your feminine magnetism and your feminine openness and vulnerability, we can inspire him more into his masculine. He'll get out of being a child and start to step into more being your provider and protector and hero. And so we have to activate that. We have to shift that. If we keep doing the same pattern, we're just going to keep getting the same results.

Yeah. And there are ways that you can help him do better. If he tends to forget stuff a lot and you have to remind him all the time, why don't you just, you know, suggest coming from your feminine. Like, hey, do you think it would help you. Would it work for you if maybe you set up a calendar on your phone with reminders? Right. Let the technology take over what you want, what your tendency tells you you want to do. It's much better to have his phone reminding him of stuff that's happening than to have you nagging him and reminding him as if you're his mother reminding him to do his homework work when he's a little kid.

Right, Exactly. So kills the polarity pretty quick.

Other ways to manage that without having to go into the constant, you know, reminding, directing, controlling.

Yeah. And the masculine is Solving problems. The feminine is presenting problems and being open and vulnerable. So all you really ultimately have to do at the end of the day is present the problem, present how you feel about him, not stepping up, about him, forgetting things constantly, how that makes you feel, sharing it vulnerably and respectfully and giving it up to him in the sense of saying something like, we love these phrases. I don't know what to do, or could I ask for some help? So actually asking him for help with that, Like, I noticed we keep running into this pattern where you're forgetting these things and I'm getting frustrated and I ended up nagging you or telling you what to do. And I don't, like, I don't want to do that anymore and I don't know what to do. Give it up to him to solve the problem or say, could I ask for your help with that? Or say, may I ask what you think about that? So there are some examples where you actually just present the problem, give it up to him to lead. So it's like, like you're at the dance floor saying, could you lead me? You're asking for him to lead, to be in his masculine, his healthy masculine. And then most men are going to grab your hand and say, sure, let's talk about it. Let's figure it out. I want to, like, find a way to do this. Do you have any other ideas? He may ask you for help, but now he's leading the conversation. He's looking. He's actively motivated now to try to find a solution because he's empathizing with your heart and knowing how you feel. Because he hasn't attacked him, but you've simply shared vulnerably.

If you think that he's missing something rather than being like, you're such an idiot, you're missing this, right? Like, or you don't. Rather than doing that kind of stuff, there's easy ways to just say, I was helping some friends with a technical issue because as people who watch my channel know, I used to be in the tech industry. So I was over there helping them with this problem, and I'm digging into all the deep technical nuts and bolts of this thing, trying to figure out how to make it work. And my friend's wife is there and she knows nothing about tech whatsoever. So she's coming from a completely beginner's mind, right? And she just says, do you think maybe it could be because of this? And it was like the simplest, like, dumbest thing ever, and it was right. But it was the way that she said it, right. She didn't say, you don't give me this. You don't know what you're doing. And blah, blah, blah. She just, from a total beginner's mind, said, do you think it could be maybe because of this? And I just paused and I listened to her and I thought, it's possible. That's kind of dumb, but it's possible.

It might be stupid enough to be correct.

And it was. And it absolutely was.

Right.

So there's great. When we're telling you not to take charge, we're not telling you just have to sit there and let him f up over and over again. Right. We're telling.

Sometimes that can be good, too. To let him fall down, to actually let him forget things, let him experience the impact of you not doing it for him.

As long as there's no permanent damage done, it's just like letting the child.

Learn how to walk. It's going to fall down a couple times. Eventually the child. Child's gonna learn.

Yeah.

And you can make sure there's some guard rails there and make sure he's not gonna die if he doesn't. If he doesn't get the reminder from you.

If you do give input, it's how you give it, Right?

Yeah, exactly. Doing so respectfully, again, the masculine desires respect. So doing so respectfully, making sure you're not stepping on his toes too much or invading his space, but allowing him to be open to say, yeah, what is. What's the suggestion that you have? Or, sure, I'd love to hear your suggestion. So that's why asking permission can be so valuable to say, could I make a suggestion? Rather than just saying, oh, you should do it this way, saying, could I offer something I see with that, or can I offer a suggestion? And then he can say, yeah, sure, what is it, babe? Oh, what if we did it that way? Oh, I didn't think about that. Oh, that's brilliant. Thank you. And he's received it. Now he actually likes it because you haven't told him what to do. You just offered something. He said, yes. He led you to give your whatever you wanted to offer, and he received it and he was able to integrate it. And now is. He's happy. Now he's actually. This was good. Rather than feeling like, oh, man, she's telling me what to do again. Why is it always like this? I hate this dynamic. You'll be feeling that in his heart, but maybe not saying those words. So that's important. So the next one we have is competing and emasculating. So some examples are engaging in behaviors that put you in a superior position or diminish his role, such as saying, stop being such a baby or criticizing his decisions and abilities. The other example is trying to fix or help him with his issues, which puts you in a masculine role of providing solutions. So we have a couple there, and we can go into more examples.

Yeah. Okay. Competing and emasculating. All right, number one, Competing. Yeah, you should never be competing with your partner in a relationship about anything, ever. A relationship is a partnership. You work together. You don't compete against each other. You're actually on the same team. And this is something. I mean, when working with couples. It blows my mind how many couples I've worked with who literally see themselves as being on opposite teams. The men's team and the women's team.

Yeah.

And it's like that guy over there.

That asshole who's not giving me what I want. You need to fix him. Or he's saying, that bitch over there is not giving me what I need if it's dragging me to this counseling.

See each other as being on the same team, working for the same common goals together, then you are doing relationship completely wrong. And you may really want to reconsider whether or not you should even be in this relationship. So competing is terrible. It's another toxic behavior. And you should never be competing in your relationship. One of the beautiful things about having polarity in a relationship is that you naturally get drawn towards doing different things, things within the context of that relationship. And so you're never really competing. Right. It's when there is no polarity. Right. And then you start both sort of jockeying for position and who gets the upper hand. Right. Remember the old Seinfeld episode, I got hand, might be dating myself. If we have a young audience, go look it up. It's pretty funny. But you shouldn't ever be doing that in a relationship. So remember, every relationship is about working together as a team for the common goals of the relationship. And then the second part is emasculating. This one blows my mind, because most women, if you ask them what they're looking for in a man, they'll tell you they want a man or a masculine man. They'll even say, right, like most women will say that, yeah, I want a.

Man who takes care of things, solve problems, open doors for me, pays for the bill, protects me, is strong, gots his life together, has. Has a job.

And yet. Yet so many of them then engage in emasculating. Behaviors which are chipping away and eroding the very thing that they say that they want with their man.

That's a good point.

Right. So emasculating is just. It makes no sense to me from the point of view of you keep saying you want a masculine man to step up. Right. And be the man in the relationship. And yet there are these behaviors that over and over and over again just emasculate him. Now, you know, if he's a strong, masculine man, he won't tolerate that behavior, and he'll either put his foot down hard or he'll leave the relationship. But there are a lot of men who do tolerate it for various reasons, and all it does is ruin the polarity even more than it already was ruined. Right. And the more you do it, the more you do the emasculating, the further away you get from the very thing it is that you say you want.

Yeah. Because here's what I believe happens is a woman's in a relationship with a man, and the man is maybe, let's say he's mostly masculine. He's not fully masculine. He's not fully owning his leadership role, and he's taking care of her needs and providing and protecting and being the hero. So what then the woman does, she feels unsafe because she doesn't feel fully protected. And then she can really submit to him and to his leadership because he's not being his full potential. And so then if you're caught in that situation, the tendency, there's two different routes a woman can take. And so one route that a lot of women end up taking, unfortunately, is I'm going to try to challenge him into his masculine by challenging his masculinity.

Which is subconscious on your part, overwhelming.

May not be aware of that, but that's why I want to describe this process so you can start to become aware of it. If this has been you, where you're noticing your man's not stepping up, he's not being as strong as you would like him to be, or is getting things handled or showing great care for your heart. So then the tendency, the one route that is what we're talking about here, that will end up destroying the relationship likely is I'm going to challenge his masculinity. I'm going to try to, in subtle ways, make him feel like, show him that I'm not happy with where things are at, that he's not giving me what I need, that he's not doing a good job, and I'm going to criticize him, attack him, blame him and emasculate potentially, which would be like this one comment in here was really good. Like calling a man, you're acting like a child or you're acting like a baby, or why are you. This would be even worse to say something like, why are you so weak? Or why are you so stupid? Or you can't handle me or I'm too much for you, or you're not good enough for me. Things like that, where you're basically attacking his leadership abilities, ultimately his ability to be the masculine, to lead in the dance. And so you're hoping that by, if I just attack him enough, this is subconscious, right? If I attack him enough, then he's going to feel enough pain and he's going to step up. He's going to feel like, oh, this sucks. I don't like to be. I am doing a bad job, I am getting attacked. So I'm going to. I got to do better, right? I got to step up. But what's the miss, what's it called? The logical fallacy with that subconscious line of thinking is that what actually ends up happening are a couple things. When you're a masculine, a man, he's typically going only to react in three different ways. He's either going to fight you and argue, or like you said, he's going to put down very firmly. Number two is I'll actually do this one next is he's going to pull away, he's going to close up, he's going to pull away and potentially leave the relationship. Or number three, which I think is actually the worst, is he's going to comply. He's going to basically just submit it and take it. He's going to take your berating of him and he's going to become a shell of a man. So what happens is his masculine self esteem, rather than rising, rather than rising into his masculinity, it starts to continue to diminish. He becomes weaker and weaker and weaker and he becomes essentially an empty shell of a man, a little puppy, a little boy that's depressed, probably being depressed, probably turning to other sources of fulfillment like porn or coping with addictions. And he'll essentially become this shell of a man that you ultimately either he'll end up leaving or you'll end up leaving or who knows what could happen. I mean, he could end up going in a very bad route because of that.

There's a strategy that we use in society over and over and over again that all of the research has proven to be inferior. Strategy, and yet we keep using it over and over again. What is that? That is trying to get what we want through negative reinforcement.

Yeah.

So our entire school system is based on negative reinforcement. Military is based on negative reinforcement. Practically every dojo I ever studied in was based on negative reinforcement, getting whacked in the face. But all of the psychological studies and data show that you actually get better results with positive reinforcement. And so you have to realize that the emasculating behavior, a negative reinforcement. Right. And so people will only comply with negative reinforcement just enough. Just enough. Have you ever seen the movie Office Space when he's being interviewed by the Bobs? Right.

Yeah.

And he says, I have eight different bosses. You know what that means? It means if I make a mistake, I have to hear about it eight times. And so therefore, my only motivation, really, is to just not get harassed. And that'll only make somebody work just so hard. Right. And there's an absolute, raw, honest truth in that funny moment in the movie. Right. So your emasculating behavior is attempting to get him to step up and do something, but it's a negatively reinforcing behavior. Right?

Yeah.

And so he's either gonna do, you know, one of those three things that you said, and even if he complies, whatever it is he does, he's gonna do it just basically to avoid the pain.

Yeah.

But it doesn't mean he's going to step up and become the best version of himself. As opposed to the positive reinforcement, which you're going to create space. You're going to give him praise, you're going to let him know how much when he does step up, it means to you. Right. Then he's going to be like, yeah, that feels good. And I want to move towards the thing that feels good because in the negative reinforcement, you're just moving away from the thing that feels bad.

Yeah, that's such a good point. And because what happens is that's another thing that a man may do with the third option is he may temporarily do what you want and step up, but it's likely not going to last because of the motivation that the pain avoidance that you mentioned. Or it's because at some level he didn't feel good about being told what to do and that he was forced basically into giving you what you want or being who you want him to be. So his masculine core hasn't been activated. He's still submitting to your leadership. And it's going to feel bad to him at some level, because every man has a masculine Core inside. Every woman has a feminine core inside. So his masculine instincts, his masculine core is still going to feel bad at some level. And so he might step up temporarily, but likely he's going to still end up going down one of the other roads, so starting to pull away or becoming a shell of a man. Or maybe he'll blow up with resentment later on when you say it the next time. And he's just like, I've had enough of this. This isn't, you know, this isn't okay. And then he will put his foot down or just fight you, basically argue with you. And then the other piece of this is you want to look for, like, what you're saying. Look for the elements of what he is doing that you can reinforce the positive aspects of what he is doing. Right. That you can respect, that you can admire. Sometimes you have to go first. If you want to get a shift in the relationship through the law of polarity, you have to shift first. That'll inspire him to shift. We could shift him too. But either one of you shifts and then the relationship shifts because of the law of polarity. It will pull him, inspire him up. And so if you start looking for the things you respect about him and admire about him and saying those things to him, sharing appreciation, he'll start to want to do more of those things and he'll in general start to become a more masculine man because he's like, oh, this feels good. I want to do more of the. Those things. And then the last piece I was going to mention with that is he's going to start feeling that appreciation, wanting to step up. Oh, so the other piece is you may be saying to yourself, well, he's not giving me what I need, so why should I start appreciating him for things that, you know, he sucks right now. He's not giving me anything I need. Why should I start appreciating him? Well, that would be like a man saying, well, she's not giving me anything I need, so why should I start showing her care? Why should I start showing her adoration or devotion? She hasn't shown me that she respects me or trust me, so why should I give her what she wants, which is to be cherished and adored? So you end up just having a impasse.

It's that negative downward spiral again, right? It's like, you're not going to show him the respect, so then he's not going to show you the love, so then you're definitely not going to show him any more respect. So that he's definitely not going to show you any more love.

One of you has to shift, One of you has to go first. The beautiful thing is we have you here. If you can shift, we can shift him. And so the whole relationship can shift upwards. But you have to use what we're teaching you and we have to do it in the right way so that you're inspiring him upwards in your relationship, upwards to have the devotion, which is what we help with. And in fact, using our magnetic feminine 90 day challenge is going to be a very important piece of this because you give it a period of time where you're learning how to be in your feminine, you're learning how to magnetize him, and he's also getting to learn how to respond to your feminine, how to be in his masculine, how to start leading from a positive place and a place that's making you happy. So I would recommend highly taking that. If you haven't yet, which we have a link in the description for our free quiz, you can start to learn more about that as well. And so now, now let's cover the next piece. The next one is withholding vulnerability. It's another form of masculine behavior, basically keeping the armor on. So an example of this would be hiding your true feelings and putting on a strong front which prevents authentic connection and makes it difficult for him to step into his masculine role of protector and provider. Add on to that, the reason why it's hard for him is because he can't feel you. If he doesn't feel your heart and your openness and your vulnerability, he may not even know there's a problem. He may not know that you're secretly resenting him, that you're secretly suffering in silence, that you're anxious, that you're sad, that you're depressed. He won't even know. First off, second off, even if he senses there's something off, there's something weird. He's not getting the inspiration to want to help because he can't empathize, he can't feel you, he can't feel your heart. He doesn't get that sense of the polarity of I'm. You're like needing help, right? That you're wanting help, that you're asking for help, that you're available to help. Like, I need a hero, please. I need a hero. I'm holding out. Where is he? Help me, please. And then he can say, oh, here I am. I want to be your hero. I can help you. I can help you with those feelings. But he can't feel the feelings. So how is he supposed to be the hero? How is he supposed to know there's a problem?

I need to hear you sing I Need a Hero.

I sing it multiple times. I do it almost. Almost every video, actually. It's so beautifully demonstrating that feminine yearning, right?

Absolutely. Well, so, you know, when you withhold your feelings. Absolutely. You keep us in the dark. You know, one of the things that women complain about all the time is he doesn't know how I feel. And it's like, it's hard enough for us to understand.

We don't know our own feelings. So how are we supposed to know your feelings?

Right. It's hard enough even when you're sharing it with us, for us to really, really understand it and get it.

Then.

Then you're just gonna bottle it all up and not share it at all. And then we're gonna be completely in the dark. So.

Yeah, it's like those fishes at the bottom of the ocean, like, just swimming around and bumping into things. I mean, they don't bump into things, but, like, the guy, like, I have no clue where I'm going.

You're not only doing us as men a disservice and the relationship a disservice, you're also doing yourself a disservice as the feminine. It is critically important for you to open up and be vulnerable and share those things with us.

Us.

And that creates the opening for us to step up and to come in as your hero. But if you don't do that, you know, it's really interesting because I've seen this happen quite a few times where it's like, you see a woman who is really got her stuff together and she's taking charge and she's getting things done. And so a lot of times the men will just kind of, like, sit back and go, she doesn't need my help, Right? Yeah, like, she doesn't need my help.

She doesn't need a hero.

But till the end of the night, secretly, she's over there resentful for the fact that he's not helping.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

And he's over there, like, he's willing to help.

He should just know what I need. He should know that I'm not happy. He should know this, Kevin.

But he doesn't know that. And he's absolutely willing to step in and help if he realized you actually needed and wanted help. Now, sometimes some men will kind of inject themselves in anyway.

Yeah.

But it depends, right? Because in today's society, with a Lot of these really strong women. And as a man, if you want to actually go in and say, here, let me do that for you, you'll get some pretty harsh, negative pushback on that. Right? And so guys don't want to do that. So they're like, okay, she's good. She doesn't need me. She's not asking for any help. She's not expressing. She needs anything. And so a lot of guys will just let that ride. And then she'll get resentful. So if what you actually want is for him to step in and help you, support you, be your hero, you've got to open up and be vulnerable. And one, share it verbally so he knows. But two, create the space for him to come in and do that.

Yeah. And the key is also when your heart is open and you're able to share your feelings vulnerably and respectfully, like we teach you with our magnetic feminine communication courses and everything else that we go deeper into and give you specific scripts for, is that you're inspiring him also. You're inspiring him because here's the thing. Men feel their emotions through their women. In a lot of ways. We feel our emotions much stronger through our women. When our woman is feeling, our partner is feeling a certain way, we can empathize when before we may not even notice, we might even feel our own sadness. But then once you're sad, we can also tap into that within ourselves. So when you're emotionally vulnerable with a man, he can feel you and he can be inspired to want to help, to want to, because now he has empathy. And that can increase his. His. His masculine abilities. To be the leader, to be the protector, provider, hero. And so you're doing several things when you're open and vulnerable is communicating him so he knows what's going on. And number two, inspiring him to want to help, to want to be excited, to help, to be able to solve the problem and save the day, be that night in shining armor. So, yeah, it's very powerful. So that's. That's a big aspect of it. I think we have time for one more here. Let's go into. We already talked about competing.

You've got quite the list.

I have a lot here. There's a lot. We could probably go through 50 of them if we wanted to. How about providing solutions? That's an interesting one. A little different. So this would be, for example, offering unsolicited advice or solutions like, you need to be more confident with your boss, which takes away his role of problem Solving and diminishes his masculine energy. So another way of doing this is like being his, his therapist, being his coach, giving him advice, giving him ideas and solutions, and then also potentially giving him gifts. So noticing he's missing, let's say you notice he has his pants, have a tear in them, and then the next time you see him for a date, you're like, hey, I bought you a new pair of pants. You may think, oh, this is kind of you, but actually what you're doing is you're taking the masculine role. Because the masculine energy is about giving, just like in sexual. And the feminine energy is receiving. So if you're giving to a man, if you're providing solutions, you're providing gifts, acts of service, potentially that he didn't ask for, or coaching and therapy, free therapy, wanting to solve his issues. And let's go deep and let's listen to these issues. And I want to talk about your childhood and how can I help you with these things and how can I encourage you? You're taking that masculine role and you're putting him into the more of the child energy and at least into a feminine energy. And he has to submit to your giving and your leadership and he becomes an incompetent rag doll of a man.

Yeah, I think when it comes to the giving of gifts, things, now that you know there's gifts, just because here I was thinking about you and I bought this, you know, small thing for you, which is a completely different category than I'm going to buy your socks and underwear for you.

Right. Like that I'm gonna wash them for you, or I knitted you something.

But I will say this too, because in my marriage with my wife, she used to buy me stuff all the time like that. But the difference is this. The difference is I would. We had an agreement. I would say, look, I don't like shopping for that kind of stuff. Like, it's not something that brings me joy. It's not something I really want to do. And so we had a discussion about it and she was like, I love shopping for you. Right. You know, I mean, most women enjoy shopping. She's like, I love shopping for you. I would be glad to do the research. And most of the time what she would do was she would do all the shopping, she would do all the research. And then she'd say, what do you think about these three options? And then I'd go, I like that one. Right. So there is a fine line. And don't take it to mean you can never buy him anything, ever. Yeah, it's really about how you go about it. So you don't want to be stepping into that role of I'm the provider, I'm the one that is providing everything, or I'm the one that's dictating how you're going to dress or what you're going to use for this.

That.

Or the other thing.

Thing.

But there are ways that you can still do the gifting thing. So I wanted to clarify that a little bit.

Yeah, and I'll mention something on that too, because that's great that you brought that up because, yeah, by all means, of course, you can still give to a man. Now, this is the difference. And this was the key distinction that you mentioned with Celine, is you were still leading her overall, you were leading her to do those things for you. She at least asked, and you mentioned that you hate that, that she was able to basically follow your lead to do that for you. And that's the key is in the overall dynamic, are you still leading her to give those things to you, or is she taking her own initiative to give you things that you may not even have asked for or want?

Right.

Where that would be like anticipating your needs, mothering you, or even trying to lead you by. Maybe she doesn't like your style, so she's subtly trying to lead you in a different direction of like, I like it when you wear tighter jeans and you don't even like those things. Or she wants to get you into a new hobby. So I bought you some golf clubs because, you know, I want you to spend more time out there with your friends or I want you to get more exercise. So I bought you a new bike.

Exactly. You know, if you don't like his style and you want him to change stuff, don't just buy him a different style and go, here you dress terribly. Like, the whole thing is, hey, would you be interested potentially in trying something new? I'd be happy to help you pick out some new things. Right.

And it was beautiful also how she was asking you which ones. You know, kind of to make the final decision as the masculine which ones do you like? Here's some good options I found. Which one do you like? An easy way to avoid getting caught in this, where you're mothering a man, rather than simply following his lead and giving from his. That he's kind of led you to give things to him, is to ask permission. So we go back to this a lot. This is a big key principle of feminine communication. But to ask if you really Want to cook him dinner that night? Say, hey, babe, would you like me to cook us something tonight? Would you like me to cook you some meatloaf? And then he could say, yeah, that sounds great, babe, let's do it. Rather than just anticipating that he wants that. And you could also have the general conversation of like, you know, he says, I don't like cooking. And she's, I love cooking. I was like, would you like me to cook for us? And she says, sure, that'd be great. I love that. Now you've got a handle. Now you're still following his lead rather than, oh, you just start cooking for him and anticipating. Maybe you're even just a guy you just met and you're all sudden, you're showing up to his house. So, hey, I baked us a cake, or, hey, I. I did this for us. And he's like, I didn't even ask for that. I didn't even lead you to give those things to me. And now I feel like a child.

So much of it has to do with the discussions that you've had ahead of time. Yeah.

Context. So overall in the relationship, and I would still preface this with look at the overall relationship. If you find that you're giving more to him than he's giving to you, that's you're primarily taking the masculine role in the energy, energetics of the relationship too. And when you look at it from the overall context. Context, yeah.

When it comes to cooking and meals with Celine and I, I told her I absolutely hated having to stop work and then, like, change my brain and figure out what are we gonna have for a meal. Yeah, Right. So at a certain point when we were together, I just turned it. She loved to cook. She loved being in the kitchen and cooking. At that point, I said, okay, I don't want to think about what's for dinner or what's for lunch. Like, I just don't want to put any energy into thinking about it. You're an amazing cook. I am trusting you that whatever it is you make for us, it will be awesome. Right. And so I just gave that whole decision making process to her. But that was, again, a conscious agreement and decision that we made. I didn't want to have to, you know, be in the middle of whatever work I'm doing and then stop and then go into the kitchen and stare at the refrigerator going, no idea what to make for lunch. I just didn't want to do it. My brain was better used in the office running the business. Right.

Yeah.

So here you run with it. Right.

Which is also masking, like setting the expectations in the relationship, even setting roles and responsibilities, that's like a masculine behavior. Now if she was to do the reverse and start telling you what she thinks would be better for you to handle in the relationship, and she'd handle. Now she's taking the masculine expectation, setting and planning role versus the feminine. She could still express desires. But we're just talking about the energetics here. But that's a big piece too, is expectations and planning. We don't have that in our list here. Or we might. But expectations and planning. We mentioned planning earlier. That is a masculine behavior as well.

Yeah. And so the point is, like, when you hear an example, like some of the examples that you're reading, it's important not to sort of take it the wrong way. Like, you know, with. With giving gifts. Right. Don't take it to mean you can never give your partner a gift ever again.

Yeah.

Right. So much of these things are how you do it, how you approach it. Do you ask permission for it, do you work together on it? Have you made agreements about who's going to do what when you know, is he setting that direction and then letting you go? Right.

Are you expressing your feelings and desires?

Yeah.

That he can then take control of, leading the expectations and the planning, knowing what you desire and what you want so that he's not just bulldozing you and just planning things and making. Giving you expectations that you're like, I don't even want to do that. I don't even enjoy that. So now. But I guess now I'm responsible for taking the trash out every now night.

You're a man, you're supposed to take the trash out.

Just things to be discussed. Because these things, like cooking, a lot of them can go either way. The man could cook or the woman could cook. It's more about who's leading the expectations and who's setting that and who's. What were the conversations around the context around that which. Which we help with as well. Because it's so important to have these conversations on all things in your relationship that you may be stuck around, you may be unhappy with, you may be feeling frustrated. These are going to be great, vulnerable conversations to have with him, to expose your heart and to start revealing your desires, your feelings, your needs so that respectfully, he can then understand where you're at and be inspired to want to help and want to set expectations and want to lead the relationship forward in a positive direction that creates that upward spiral for both of you especially now because you have this magnetic masculine, feminine polarity. Yeah.

Unilaterally making these decisions without talking with him first is not only masculine, but it's actually, you know, what a lot of people would consider more of a old school or even toxic masculine way of being. Right. Which is like, I've decided this is how it's going to be and you have no input in it. Right. So not only is it masculine, but it's actually not even a healthy version of masculine.

Yeah. Because like healthy submission or leadership and following in a relationship, like in a dance is when you're enjoying it, you're getting pleasure out of it and he's getting pleasure out of it. If you're not getting pleasure out of it and he's telling you what to do and it doesn't feel good to you, that would be compliance. That would be you just. Just going along with it and not speaking up and not sharing your feelings or not setting a boundary with yourself to get out of a bad situation. And that's not good either. And he's not going to value you or respect you long term also if you're not speaking up, if you're not able to share your desires effectively. So with that, that's one of the key principles and one of the key things that we'll really help you with. And we actually teach this, we actually provide it for you. Exactly what to say, exactly what to do to activate a man's devotion and to get him inspired to want to shift and want to have an incredible relationship. So hope this was helpful today. And if you would like to go deeper, we do have a free quiz, our Magnetize youe Man free quiz we highly recommend taking, which you can get in the description below or go to polarity.

Polarityquiz.

Yes, polarityquiz.com and. Or it'll be in our bio, depending on where you're watching it. But highly recommend taking the free quiz if you haven't already. And then also Kevin has some resources where they can follow some more of your materials as well on your platforms if you want to.

Yeah, of course, I have my own YouTube channel as well. So you're watching this on the Magnetize youe Man YouTube channel. But you can check out my YouTube channel, EvanandSeline. You can also check out my website, which is also kevanandsaline.com and there, if you go to kevanandsaline.com volt you can sign up for a free library full of information to help you out, improve your relationships and your sex life. And you can also listen to my podcast, the Love Lab Podcast, which is available on my YouTube channel and all major podcast platforms.

Awesome. Much love. We both hope sincerely this was helpful for you that you didn't get too triggered by it. They know this could be a triggering conversation and we look forward to continuing to help you, hopefully coaching you in our groups or in our memberships with our free quiz, giving you some support right away to get you on the right track with your man or your love life in general. And we'll talk to you again very soon. Bye Bye.