I Studied Men for 10 Years - These 30 Truths Will Shock You

Okay, so I've been doing this for over a decade, and I'm tired of watching amazing women make the same painful mistakes over and over again. So today, no BS, no fluff, I'm going to tell you 30 truths that might hurt a little, but they're the truths that will set you free and get you the love you actually want. Ready? Let's go. Number one is your feminine energy, is your superpower. Stop acting like a man. Here's the deal. You've been taught to hustle, lead and control. That's masculine energy. It's great for the boardroom, but it's poison for your love life. It repels strong, masculine men. Your real power is your feminine energy. Your flow, your vulnerability, your radiance. It's not weakness. It's a different kind of strength. So stop trying to drive the car from the passenger seat. Let him lead, and you'll be amazed at what happens next. Number two. He wants to be your hero, not your project. Now this is a big one. So many women fall in love with a man's potential. You see the fixer upper and think, I can turn him into a palace. You start managing him, correcting him, mothering him, and you kill his spirit and any attraction he had for you. A man doesn't want another mother. He already has one. He wants to be your hero. He. He wants to solve your problems. But you have to let him. You have to share your feelings vulnerably, not your criticisms. You give him a problem to solve. It sounds something like this. May I share something? I feel a little scared about this situation at work and I'm not sure what to do. You're not telling him how to fix it. You're inviting him to step up and be the man for you. I remember when Auntie and I were dating, I'm not perfect. I'd mess up, but instead of attacking me, she'd get vulnerable and let me know how it made her feel. It made me want to move mountains to make things better. It made me want to be her hero. Are you hearing me with this? This isn't build a boyfriend. This is about letting him be your boyfriend. Letting him be a man. If he's the right one, he'll show up. If he's not, you need to know that now, not five years from now. Number three. Respect is the air he breathes. You want to be loved and cherished, right? Of course you do well for your man, though. The equivalent of that is respect. When he feels disrespected, it's like his oxygen is taken away. And you might be disrespecting him, realizing it, correcting him in front of his friends, questioning his decisions on everything, giving him unsolicited advice. You think you're helping, but he feels like you're his critic. One of our clients was constantly helping her man. He was pulling away. And we told her to stop and just say, I trust you. He ended up proposing two months later. Now, respect is that powerful. It's the key that unlocks his desire to cherish you. Number four. If you're chasing him, you've already lost. Now let's be real with this. If you're the one always texting him first, always planning the dates, always pushing things forward, you've lost already. The feminine attracts the masculine pursues. Period. And when you chase, you flip the polarity. You're telling him that you're not the prize. So just stop. Number five. Your vulnerability is magnetic. Not too much. How many times have you swallowed your feelings because you were afraid of being too much? I've coached so many high powered women. Attorneys, doctors, executives, who are absolute bosses in their career. But their hard exteriors can scare away the strong men that they want. They have to learn to be vulnerable. I've seen this happen. Often a woman on a date, hands shaking, uses our May I share a feeling script. She says something like, I feel a little nervous right now and I'm telling myself that maybe I'm not interesting enough. And surprisingly, when she says that, the man doesn't run away. He leans in. Because that realness is what he's been looking for. That's what a masculine man wants. Your mess needs can be a magnet. Your perfection is often a wall. Number six, Men fall in love with your heart, not your Instagram profile. So many women spend so much time crafting their perfect image of themselves. They have the perfect photos, the perfect witty captions. You know, spending 20 minutes to get the perfect, oh, I woke up just like this photo. He doesn't want the photo. He wants the real you, who actually just woke up with messy hair and sleep in your eyes. Men don't connect with perfection. They connect with authenticity. Early in our dating, my wife Antj looked at me and said, a part of me wants to manipulate you right now. And I was floored by that. And intrigued also. You know, it was so real, it was so authentic of her, so honest of her, that I was just honestly surprised. And I. And I really liked it. Cause it built trust. So stop hiding your uniqueness. It's that best Most attractive part of you. Number seven. He's not confused. He's just not that into you. Now, this one hurts, but. But you probably need to hear it. If he's not pursuing you, he's not confused, he's not scared. He's not just busy. He's just not that interested. Now, I coached men for over a decade, and I know how they think. When a man wants a woman, he moves. He makes it happen. So stop making excuses for his lack of effort. His actions are the truth. Listen to them, number eight. You teach people how to treat you. Your standards aren't what you say you want. They're what you tolerate. We had a client, Kim, who had a classic over giving syndrome. She'd drop everything for a guy who gave her breadcrumbs. She'd drive an hour to see him, and he wouldn't even drive 10 minutes to see her. She was exhausted and heartbroken about this. I told her, you have to be willing to lose him to get him. So she stopped. She started sharing how she feels about the situation and asking for help rather than just complying every time. She started filling her life with things that made her happy. The guy freaked out at first. He called her, text her, accused her of changing. She held her ground. And after two weeks, he brought her flowers and started making real efforts to win her over. Men value a woman who values herself with high standards. Number nine, stop auditioning for the role of his wife. You're cooking for him, cleaning his apartment, sleeping with him, acting like his girlfriend, but you're not. You're auditioning. You're trying to prove your wife material, hoping he'll give you the part. Well, here's the truth. A man doesn't commit to a woman because she's his caretaker and someone to sleep with. He. He commits because he's inspired and captivated by her feminine essence. Stop giving away all the benefits of a relationship, hoping it will turn into one. Let him earn you. Number 10. Letting the hope die is your get out of jail free card. Now, this is a concept I first heard about from my brilliant wife, Antja. And it's a game changer. So you're holding on to hope that is poisoning you. Actually, the hope that he'll change, the hope that he'll leave his girlfriend, the hope that he'll finally commit to you. Now, this hope feels good, but it's a fantasy keeping you stuck in a reality that sucks. Honestly. Now, Antia had this moment on a Sunday morning in 2013. She realized that she was replaying her childhood. Always hoping her emotionally unavailable dad would finally show up. And she was doing it with the men she was dating. So that day, she finally decided to let the hope die. She played the song we will never, ever, ever get back together. And she decided that she was done waiting for a man and waiting for men who weren't showing up for her. A few months later, she met me. Letting go of a false hope doesn't mean you're giving up on love. It means you're finally making space for a man who's actually available and ready to love you. You have to close the wrong door for the right door to open. Number 11. A man wants to solve your problems, not just be your venting board. Remember what I said about him wanting to be your hero? Well, this is the flip side of that. There's a huge difference between complaining and sharing a problem. Complaining is you never listen. You're always on your phone. Now that's actually an attack. Sharing a problem is. I feel a little lonely tonight. Could I have a hug? That's an invitation. One makes him defensive, the other activates his hero instinct. Stop using him as your emotional dumping ground and start letting him be the hero who can sleep. Slay your dragons, number 12. Your type is probably your trauma, actually. So you say you have a type. Often bad boys, probably emotionally unavailable artists. Men who need fixing. Now, let's be honest. Your type is likely just your unhealed trauma playing out on a loop over and over and over again. If your type has a drinking problem and a restraining order, you don't have a type. You have a deep issue. You're attracted to what's familiar. And even if it's painfully familiar, the man who feels like a calm harbor might feel boring at first. Because your system is so addicted to the chaos of the storm, it's time for you to get a new addiction. How about this? Consistency and fulfillment. Number 13. You can't be in your feminine while you're stuck in your head. Feminine energy is in the body. Masculine energy is in the head. If you're constantly analyzing his texts, replaying conversations, and trying to figure him out, you're in your masculine mind. You're strategizing. You're not magnetic. Get back into your body. Dance, sing, take a bath. Feel the sun on your skin. The more you drop out of your head and into your senses, the more radiant and attractive you become. We have a massive list of these in our Magnetic Feminine Polarity course. Start feeling more and thinking less. Number 14. His inconsistency is A no. Don't pretend it's a maybe. So he's hot one day, cold the next, text you like crazy, then disappears for three days. Listen, consistency is the language of commitment. Inconsistency is the language of you're just an option. Stop trying to decipher his mixed signals. The signal isn't mixed. It's actually a clear no. 15. Low maintenance is a lie you tell yourself. Women often think that being low maintenance and having no needs makes you attractive, but that's completely wrong. It makes you actually boring. Remember point number two. A man needs to feel needed. Your needs, when expressed in a feminine way, are the very thing that allows him to step up and be a man for you. Needs don't make you needy. They make you a woman. They make you human. And when you have no needs, there's no job for him to do. He can't be your hero. So stop pretending you're always fine when you're actually not. It's okay, let him help. As long as you do so respectfully and vulnerably. A masculine man will step up to the plate. Number 16, you need to learn how to fill up your own cup. He's not your only water source. Now, if you're looking for a man to make you happy on a fundamental level, you're likely also setting yourself up for failure. A man is attracted to a woman who is already lit up. And then he gets to add to your happiness, not be the sole source of it. So this may seem like a paradox here. You want to have a base level of good enough within yourself, because there's certain things he simply can't do for you. Make you eat, for example. He can't make you breathe or drink water. There's certain things you have to do for yourself. Your base level of happiness. And then he can add on to the rest. One of our clients, Nicole, was in a very dark place. She was anxious, low self worth. And she committed to our 90 day challenge not for a man, but for herself. She started healing, finding joy, filling her own cup. And that radiance is what brought her man back into her life in a way that was deeper and more connected than it was before. He didn't fix her, she fixed herself. And then he could show up as her partner and her hero, not just as her therapist. You are the sundae and he's the extra syrup on top. Number 17. A boundary isn't an ultimatum. A boundary is for you. Actually, an ultimatum is for him. An ultimatum is if you ever talk to her again. I'm leaving you. A boundary is I feel uncomfortable with your relationship with her and I can't be in a relationship where I feel like just another option. A boundary is about what you will and won't accept in your life. It's not about controlling his behavior. It's about honoring your own needs and controlling your own behavior. One is about power over him, the other is about power over yourself. Number 18, he needs his cave time. Don't follow him into the cave. So men need time with other men or by himself. He needs time to just stare at a wall and think about nothing. Now this is his cave time. It's how he recharges his masculine energy. And when you try to follow him into the cave, asking, what's wrong? Is everything okay? Just talk to me. You're violating his masculine nature. Just let him have his space and process and come back to himself. When he comes out of his cave, he'll be a better and happier man for you. A healthy man also has healthy male friendships. It's actually a green flag, not a threat to you. Unless of course, his friends are gangsters and then you might have to have a discussion about that. Number 19, stop being cool with things you're not cool with. So being the cool girl or Miss too cool for school as I like to call it sometimes, who's okay with casual dating when she actually wants commitment? That's a form of self abandonment. You're lying to him and you're actually lying to yourself. A high value woman is honest about her intentions. She's not afraid to say, I'm looking for a committed relationship and that's where I feel the safest. If that scares him off, then he clearly wasn't the right man for you from the beginning. Number 20. The masculine plans, the feminine enjoys. Who is planning all the dates? If it's you, then you're in your masculine. A masculine man wants to lead and provide experiences for you to make you happy. Your job is to receive them with appreciation and enjoy them. Let him plan. It allows him to be the man and you to be the woman. Number 21. The masculine is about purpose. The feminine is about pleasure. Man is driven by his mission, his purpose. If he doesn't have one, or if he isn't living it, he feels lost. A woman is driven by pleasure, joy, connection, love. If she's disconnected from that, her feminine light starts to go out. Now this doesn't mean that you can't have a purpose as a woman, but you need to prioritize your joy in Your body as well. That polarity is what keeps things passionate between you and him long term. Number 22. A man who loves you wants to make your life easier. So let him. And it's that simple. He wants to carry the heavy groceries. He wants to fix the leaky faucet. He wants to take stress off your plate. And when you say, I got it, instead of asking him respectfully for help, you're rejecting his gift. Actually, you're telling him, I don't need you. Let him do it for you. Receive it with a smile and say, thank you so much. You're my hero. It makes him feel like a valuable man, a valuable asset to you. It makes him feel successful with you. And it's an easy win. Win for for both of you. Number 23. An Uncomfortable Truth is actually a sign of investment. Now, it's easy to lie. Unfortunately, it's actually easy for him to tell you what you want to hear. It's hard to be vulnerable. And when a man tells you an uncomfortable truth, that he's scared that he messed up, that he's not sure about something, that's actually a huge sign of investment. He's trusting you with his reality. About three months into our relationship, I told Auntie I was starting to have feelings of love for her. Now, it was a risk, but it was real. Make sure you don't punish his honesty when he gives it to you. Honor his courage. It makes him want to be even more real with you in the future. Number 24. You can't build a future on almost. Almost a relationship. Almost committed, almost ready. Almost is a cage, and you're keeping yourself in it. The Bible says you can't serve two masters. You can't be half in and half out and expect a wholehearted life. Have the courage to ask for the whole enchilada or walk away. The right man won't give you only half measures. Number 25. His words are meaningless. Watch his feet. Man can tell you that you're the one. He can talk about marriage and kids, but if his feet aren't moving in that direction, his words are just noise. Masculine energy is about action. Where is he taking you? When is he taking you? If the answer is nowhere and at no specific time, then that's your answer. Number 26. Stop being his mommy. Reminding him about his appointments, telling him what to eat, cleaning up his messes. You're not his partner, you're his mommy. And no one wants to be romantic with their mommy. It's the ultimate attraction. Killer. Let him be A grown man. He'll either eventually step up and figure it out on his own, or he won't. And if he doesn't, at least you're not doing his laundry anymore. Number 27. Your radiance is a choice, not a feeling. Matthew 5 says, you are the light of the world. It doesn't say you might be the light if you feel like it. It says, you are the light. Your radiance isn't dependent on your circumstances. It's a choice that you make, a choice that you make daily. To commit to joy, to gratitude, to faith. In Genesis, the first thing God created was light. Why? Because without light, nothing can grow. When you choose to be the light, even when things are dark, you. You become a beacon. Your feminine energy becomes unforgettable. A man doesn't just admire that. He wants to anchor his life to it. Number 28. A man falls in love with your absence. He doesn't fall in love when you're with him. He falls in love when he's away from you, thinking about you, missing you. And if you're always available, always texting, always there, you're not giving him the space to desire you. You have to be willing to pull your energy back occasionally, to have your own life come back to yourself, to be a little mysterious. And it has to be authentic. That's what makes him wonder about you, pursue you, and ultimately fall for you. Number 29. A king only commits to a queen. A queen has standards. She's warm and loving, but she's also firm with her boundaries. To herself, she doesn't compete. She creates. She doesn't chase. She attracts. She knows her worth is not up for negotiation. When you carry yourself like a queen, you attract a king. He won't be intimidated. He'll be inspired. He'll recognize you as his counterpart. By definition, high value energy is knowing your worth, no matter what. Number 30. The right man will feel like peace. So many women are addicted to the rollercoaster. The drama, the high of the makeup after the low of the breakup. You think that anxiety is passion, but it's not. It's trauma. A healthy, secure relationship with the right masculine man won't feel like a storm. And it will feel like coming home. It will feel like peace. It'll feel like your safe harbor. One of our clients, Esther, is a single mom with several kids, and she thought no man would ever want to take on her life. But when her man proposed, he knelt down to her and said, I want you to know how important you are to me. And that you'll always be safe by my side. That's it. That's the feeling. Safety, Peace. Don't settle for the winter storm when you were made for the tropical beach sipping on your pina colada. So there you have it. 30 truths. And I know this was a lot, and I know some of it was probably hard for you to hear, but I'm telling you this because I care. Because I want you to have the life and relationship of your dreams. And if you're ready to go deeper with this and take your love life to the next level, your next step is our free Love Quiz where you'll get our top recommendation for the next best step for your specific situation and how to apply what you learned in this video today. So go to our website Magnetize youe Man or click on the link in the description or comments below to get that now. Alright, sending you so much love. Go out and be the woman you were always created to be and I'll see you in the next one. Take care. Bye bye.