If He Doesn't VALUE You, Do THIS

If he doesn't value you, do this. Hey, I'm Ante Boyd with Magnetize youe man. And together with my husband Brody, we've been helping thousands of successful single women all over the world to get a committed, connected and long term relationship that they desire fast. So, really excited to dive into this topic because it comes up all the time. Time, Right. And part of it is because you give your power away now. That's why point number five is take him off the pedestal. So what I see a lot of single women do is like, put the man on a pedestal. Now how do they do that? Well, they delete, they distort and then generalize reality so they don't even see what's really in front of them. They don't ask themselves, we have to do a great interview, which by the way, we're going to post next week. If a man is an actual asset or liability, they don't ask themselves those questions, but they already decide to see a couple favorable traits because they have an anxious attachment style. They then future project the rest onto him and generalize and put him on a pedestal. However, then the truth hits and he actually doesn't value her. And I think part of it is because she doesn't even know who he is. So take the man off the pedestal. One thing I always say is the soulmate is real, but the pedestal you put him on is not. Why is that? Well, because the soulmate is a normal person, just like you and me. Has flaws, has weaknesses. So when a man feels that you, like, perfectionize him and you have him in this polished version, so to say, then he's gonna distance himself because he's afraid to do, you know, to let you down, you know, to disappoint you, to feel the shame that comes with that. And nobody wants to feel that, so he's gonna back off. So what you want to do instead is refrain from any kind of meaning making. And I see this all the time of our clients, you know, and also all women in the membership, right? It's like you, you know, no meaning making. If you can answer the question. If I ask you, how do you know that this guy is xyz, right? How do you know that this guy is terrified? Or how do you know this guy was devastated? Or how do you know this guy's interested? And if you don't have a clear answer to that and just like, you know, I just got a sense for you know what I mean? I mean, you could kind of pick it up, right? I'd Be very careful with that because that's what's called distortion. And your senses will distort, your mind will distort reality just to fit your unconscious expectation, which is, you know, this is the man, this is the man of my dreams. Number four is re or connect to your archetypes. Now what we teach here at Magnetize youe man is the feminine archetypes. Of course, also you learn about the masculine archetypes as well, but the feminine archetypes. Basically what I'm saying here is that usually women are focused on one or two energies inside of themselves. Maybe they're overly focused on their little girl. They're in a little girl, right? Or they're overly focused on definitely the yrs making things happen. Tons of women who come to us are like alpha female females, right, getting the job done. However, they're actually very imbalanced and because of that they actually don't get much valued, right, by a man. Which makes sense because the men are saying, well, you know, where, where's the rest of you? Kind of like, you know, it seems like you're very sort of one dimensional. And so, you know, where is the lover? You know, where's that part that can slow down and you know, stop and smell the roses? You know, where's that part inside of you that's dedicated to God, you know, and like has a spiritual practice that you make sure that he's not the source of your happiness. That actually helps him to trust you more in the long run, which then of course also will increase his value towards you. Now another thing also is when you actually connect to your va, to your archetypes, to your energies, it's, it's so authentic, right? Because, you know, you're so filled up so you know what you have to offer and so you will no longer give that much power away. So you're not just, you know, doing this as a practice or as a gimmick, but you're really coming from a true place of authenticity and true conviction. That's sustainable, right? Because a man will always look at, okay, is this woman actually, you know, gonna falter? Is she gonna fall apart? If she's gonna make me the source of her happiness, if she's gonna become totally attached to me, she's gonna lose her own purpose. And whatever the case may be, there will come a time where men ask himself those questions. Because we have two parts of the brain. You know, we have the logical part and we have the emotional part. And we have an incredible video coming next week where like, we. We interviewed Esther and Cody. More on that to come. So super excited for you guys to learn more about that. Now, if you haven't done so already, take our free Magnetize youe Man quiz by clicking on the link in our bio, the comments or description below, or go to our website, magnetize your man. Especially if that's like a little bit of a challenge for you. Okay? And also, I'm going into my next point, but if you have any questions, you can start putting them into the comment section. For some of you, you already know how this goes here. You already know the name of the game. So number three is release him. And so what do I mean by that? So I don't mean, you know, actually like release him, like break up with him. Because that's silly. Because here's the thing. If you feel like he doesn't value you, you really want to be aware of. Okay, wait, how do I know that he doesn't value me? And how do you know is it's a constant, you know, so is it that he was valuing you before and now he's not valuing you? Right? Because that means it's not a constant. It's actually inconsistent. So that means it has to do with your attachment towards him, not with you or with him. So what you want to do is actually visualize releasing your attachment to him. So maybe you're holding like a string, you know, and you're visualizing how the string becomes longer and longer as you release your attachment to him. Maybe at some point you visualize actually completely releasing that string that you have, imaginally speaking, imagining, right? You know, whatever wrapped around his leg or arm or whatever to hold on to him. You can also visualize an anchor, like really unanchoring from him, right? Because you really kind of sort of anchor into him when you make him the source of your happiness and joy. And how do I know that is because he doesn't value you? That usually happens. He's starting to take you for granted. That usually happens when you take yourself for granted. When you focus way more on the man, then you focus on yourself. Number two is heal your attachment perspective. So, and that goes along with really understanding what is your attachment style, you know, also understanding that you have an attachment style, that you actually have a working model inside of yourself. So it's actually gaining perspective, not over identifying what the attachment style is saying, right? Like, you need to make sure he likes you more. You can't say this, you know, you have to walk on eggshells. Otherwise you're going to rock the boat and he's going to walk away or he's going to reject you or, or he's going to shut down. Things like that, you know, you want to be aware of like what is your attachment perspective, okay? And making sure that you have a perspective that you're not over identified. Okay? And so then now when you know, okay, so I'm coming more from the anxious attachment style. And so what does an attachment, anxious attachment style do, right? So it's almost like you're kind of like becoming more objective towards your thoughts. You're becoming more objective towards even like your emotions, right? So I want you to really see like, oh, this makes perfect sense that I'm experiencing anxiety right now because when I have a working model like that inside of myself, I would feel now anxiety because there's this little girl inside of myself that wants to be X, Y, Z, right? Wants to get the approval, wants to be rescued, wants to feel loved. And then now you can say, how can I re parent my self, right? So and number one, share your feelings honestly. Now one of the feelings that's coming up, right, it's like feeling invisible. And so then what an anxious attachment style does is like they're really saying, you know what, he didn't see that I matter so I should no longer reach. So if you think about back to childhood when you were a little girl, you didn't get the, you know, you are reaching out, you're reaching out for attention. Maybe you wanted to get lifted out of the crib, maybe you wanted to get a hug, you know, maybe you wanted to get a certain food or just a bottle of milk, you know, whatever it is, right? Because it really depends on if you would where your parents are dismissive, avoidant with an alcoholic, whatever. But then the reach was not met. So you actually decided, you know what, I'm actually not going to reach anymore because it's much safer. So what you want to do instead is in a relationship, learn actually to reach, to share your feelings. To not say, well, you know what, he doesn't care about my feelings because if he would care about my feelings, I, he would value me more. So what's the point of me sharing my feelings? And so you make up the story and instead of actually saying, you know, may I share something with you? You know, share what you feel, share, you know, that you feel confused or sadness or whatever it is that you feel. And also this story because remember now you have perspective that you have around it and then ultimately Asking for support, asking for help. So that's what's really going to help you along the way when he doesn't value you, because then he's aware of that. And he also sees you're advocating for your needs, which is really attractive. So maybe he felt like, oh, you were not advocating for your needs, you know, and you, you know, you just walk on eggshells around him. You already decided to that he is the be all, end all. And so now that you share your feelings, you actually make him aware of that you are a queen and he better step into his king in order to celebrate and cherish you. All right, so. So let's see what's happening. Hello, Brenna. Good evening. Okay, so let's see. Okay, this is a good question, Carol. Why will men ask these questions if there are selfish men? And so again, Carol already got it. You know, so if you have any questions, go ahead, pop that into the chat. I'm understanding your question completely because I don't know what you mean about selfish men and at what point, what questions. So if you could kind of fill me in there a little bit, Carol. But first of all, it's an assumption that a man is selfish. Now, are there narcissistic men out there or of course, clinically clinical narcissist? Yes, 100%. But also, we have to be aware of that. We're not gonna project that onto a man. For example, when you come from a mom or dad. I came from a mom who had highly narcissistic traits. I would call a lot of men selfish. You know why? Well, because I judged that in my mom, right? And so I was looking for that. That was a red flag for me. And guess what, Carol. What the brain looks for, the brain will find. You know, there was actually a study done that's called, I think, mind games, I want to say it's on Netflix. And it actually proved that the brain indeed sees exactly what it expects to see and it will delete the rest around it. And it was actually like a dating scenario. Okay, let's see what you said here, Carol. You said they will reflect on what your value or why would you be depending on them? No. So let me see what. What you could potentially mean by that. I'm still not quite clear. So you said that will reflect on what your value. What you value, I guess. Or how you value yourself. Or why would you be depending on them? I understand the second part, but what I'm saying is, you know, if you start to invest into yourself, time, money, energy, so you learn to become self focused, you know, so what you focus on expands. So if you focus on yourself, guess what? Like a man will focus on you. So you can just do this like quick example, just this quick experiment. Carol, next time when you're on a date with a man and he talks, all I want you to do is take a breath. Ah. Where breath goes, attention flows. And so you will actually notice that he's going to be like, oh, Carol, how are you? Or you know, does that make sense to you? Or, you know, he will actually focus on you because when you take that breath, you focus on yourself, right? So the quality of men that you attract into your life is directly proportional to the relationship you have to yourself. So what I'm saying is, you know, if you put someone on a pedestal, if you give your power away, then the man is like saying, oh, yeah, well, I mean, you know, like I don't even have to do anything. I don't even have to earn anything. She already decided. She doesn't even take the time to get to know me because she already decided that I'm the be all, end all. And so therefore I don't even have to put it anymore effort into. But he also, this is not, this is very unconscious, Carol. He will also say she must not be a queen, you know, because a queen is actually saying, let's go through a paced experience. Let's have like a cadence to the dating process. Because I actually want to know that I'm with the right man, you know, because my time is valuable, because my energy is valuable, you know, my life in general is valuable. Right? We only have one life and time goes by so fast. Time's the only thing we don't get back. And so the queen is aware of all of this. She also needs to take time because she really feels into her body, you know, she's really saying, how do I feel in my body? You know, oh, I felt like a little tense. Okay, let me sit with that. What's coming up for me, you know, instead of like overriding that, what women do when they're more on the doormat side, they actually don't even know how they feel because unfortunately, as a child they learned that there should be other focus. They learned that they should please other people. They learned that they should follow other people's agenda, or they learned that they're the golden child, so therefore they should perform for the rest of their life. So I see this in two camps, right? I see like daughters of narcissists where they Become the golden child. And so it's all about what a parent wants for them either, like, you know, what sports they want them to do, what school they want them to attend, whatever that is, so that then the narcissistic parent can vicariously live through them. Okay. Or on the other hand, that it could be a helper. You know, maybe it's a woman who grew up with a lot of siblings, and so maybe she was one of the older siblings. And so she had to run the household. And it wasn't about her. She had to make sure that her other three siblings are safe. And it wasn't about that. That she was what she wants. If she wants to do a certain activity right now, she wants to play with her friends. So at some point she said, you know what? It doesn't make sense for me to actually focus on myself and what I want because I don't get that anyways. Right? So there's many different reasons why this can occur, you know, and of course, then if that's the truth, then what ends up happening in dating is that they attract men who are either outright narcissist or emotionally unavailable. Endless breadcrumbing and where she has to come up with everything. You know, make the, you know, run the household, be the alpha, bring home the money, answer all the questions, solve all the problems, because she is so trained to be focused on the other person. All right, I hope that's helpful for you, Carol. Blessed Dhana said, detachment journey full force. I love it. Love. I was escape court. So I've trouble discerning good men from the bed. Bed man. Yeah. And so one part, love, I will tell you, is when you are with a secure man, you will not be the scapegoat. Now, I want to make a distinction here. Meaning, like, you won't be gaslit, you won't be blamed. However, you may have to heal a little bit on your side of the street in that. And I had to do that myself too, because obviously I was a scapegoat, you know, for my mom and dad and so on. So, you know what I had to clean up was that when my husband was giving me feedback, it wasn't necessary criticism. It wasn't necessarily like, gaslighting me or blaming me or anything like that. He was just like, helping me to grow. That's very different saying, it's your fault. You know what I mean? Like, if you hadn't done this, then, you know, and so on and so forth. So I saw by. By the way, my parents, I just Saw an image of them fighting in the living room. And so usually that, of course, already repeats from childhood, right? Like, you already see, like, oh, my gosh, I already see a scene of my parents arguing, things like that. So that's number one. How that comes a love is like you become more compassionate with yourself, you know, because then what happens is if you become more compassionate with yourself, because, look, we all have shortcomings. We all have things that we're not good at. We all have things that. You know what I mean, that, yeah, we need to work on for sure. You know what I mean? Our shortcomings. And so. So it's not like. Like learning to not beat yourself up for it, but to just be like, oh, of course, you know, if I was my own best friend, how would I. How would I tell my own best friend, you know what I mean? To. To behave, right? And you'd be like, hey, you know what? Nobody's perfect. So, okay, what, so what, you had a blowout? Or, okay, you know what, you shut down, or, you know, okay, okay, you know, you became a little bit of a. But it also makes sense because you suppress yourself so much. So why would you treat yourself differently than you would treat your own best friend? You know, that's one piece I would tell you. Let me see a little bit more down here. I alienated a friend, man, because his communication slowed down, so got very angry and mean. I tried apologizing, but he won't forgive me. And, yeah, so what happens is, and it depends, again, on what you've observed in childhood, but when his communication slowed down, what really happened for you, love, is that you didn't feel safe. Now, your coping mechanism when you don't feel safe is going to anger and become mean. Why? Because it feels much safer to you. It feels much safer to communicate vulnerably that you're sad or that you're disappointed or that you're confused, right? And then, so what happens is, it's like a stabbing, jarring. So if you have sort of a knife and you stab it into his heart, and so that can oftentimes even have go to the level of emasculation. Now, depending on the degree of that emasculation, it may be really hard from a man to come back from that. Right? So really depends on how intense it was, how volatile it was. You know, one goal in general that Putin I have is to not target meaning, you know, if you get angry, first of all, move the anger first. And we teach us, you know, in our membership and our high level programs that move the anger first before you communicate. Okay, so I'm not saying don't communicate. You know, just keep it to yourself. Process everything yourself. That's not what I'm saying. And so. But then, otherwise, you know what you're going to do, you're going to create this loop where you get angry, and then the man is going to actually, you know, probably quote unquote, blame you or criticize you or shut down or he's ignoring you, and now you feel like you're the scapegoat, so you kind of like sabotage yourself. Right. Okay, so we got to move on, but real quick, he won't even respond. I wasn't angry at first. A narcissistic friend, male friend, convinced me that I was being used for sex. Yeah. And so that's maybe the last piece for your love before I have to move on to Brenda. Is that you want to be really like tapping into yourself. Right. So the queen is saying, okay, first of all, the queen will most likely not have narcissistic friends. That's number one. Right? It's like, okay, why do I have a narcissistic friend? And I had to go on my own journey about this. Why did I have, number one, dismissive, avoidant threats, which could. Which I did. And number two, why did I have narcissistic friends? And by the way, they didn't reveal themselves as narcissists right away. And so you always want to ask yourself, okay, hold on one second. Why do I have a narcissistic friend? Number one. And then number two is when I get input from a friend is, do they know this full situation or do they just know the situation explained through my lens? So at the end of the day, you are actually in this full scenario, not your friend. Okay, so, okay, you got rid of him. That's a good thing. So, but I hope that helps you to understand love. Right. It's like just really making discernment, coming back to yourself, not focusing on other people, other people say, but really just being more curious as opposed to, you know, attacking. Because yes, attack is tough to come back from that. Of course it can be come back from. Absolutely. Especially with time, things heal. If you give a man space, there is a possibility that he's going to come back. Depends on what past he has meaning. Like, you know, does he have experienced volatility, does he have a volatile mom, volatile ex, things like that. Right. All right, so next, let's go back to Brenda and said, my husband passed away Three years ago. I'm so sorry to hear that. We were married 46 years. He died suddenly. I feel I want and need a man in my life. I missed that. How does a single woman attract a man? And so I think the biggest piece is, like, to be unapologetic for what you desire and also making sure, you know, you have, like, actually your heart open. Because what I really find with the widows that come to me is actually that they are not really fully available, which makes, of course, perfect sense, because they do secretly compare every man to their late husband. Because it's different than, like, a divorce or breakup, you know, with a. With a late husband, it's. It's like he's still with you. And it's almost like when a man dates you, he's also dating your husband in a way. Right. He's dating you and your husband. So it's a little bit of a different animal. Yeah. But in general, I would just say just really figure out, who are you now, Brenda? Because there's also, like, a reinvention phase that takes place. Who are you now without your incredible husband? And, you know, just really being clear on that as well. Right. What are your new values? What are new traits? Maybe new hobbies, new interests? So really just focusing on yourself so that when you attract the next man into your life, you actually know who you are. So that's actually complementing with the man as well. So. Let me see it. Okay. Bring in the clarity, boundaries, respect, positivity. After this, using positivity over negativity, yet he still avoids you. And, Tiagra, there is not always a guarantee that a man is actually. That a man is gonna change just because you're positive or, you know, your change. That's number one. So there's no guarantee for that then. The other side of the equation is, you know, sometimes it's almost like you're putting on another mask. So instead of actually processing the emotions that come up for us authentically, maybe the sadness, maybe the anger, unity, grasp. I was going on a date in maybe 2007 or so, and I was always Little Miss Sunshine, you know, at my spiritual center and all the things. And I was volunteering. Everybody knew me. And so I was going on a state with this guy, mind you. Actually, funny enough now, I didn't know that he was gay, right? So it was actually not a date. It was more like just having coffee and going on a walk. But you know what? He said something really important to me, and he said, you know what, Auntie, I don't buy your whole happy sunshine, you know, I actually feel. And I will never forget it, we were somewhere in the water, somewhere in la, some of the beaches, and at my feet in the water. And he said, you're. There's some sadness. There's some unresolved sadness that you have inside of yourself. So sometimes men are also removing themselves from the equation. Because I feel like there's something else. There's something. I can put my finger on it. There's something like, this woman is amazing. But there's something that doesn't feel what I call fortified, which means it's not internally really supported. There's something that's off. The energy doesn't match the appearance. There's something going on. I can't put my finger on it. And remember, the confused mind says no, you know, and of course, the mind does that in order to protect himself, in this case, you know, so, like, in that moment, I was actually sending mixed signals without knowing that I was sending mixed signals. So that was a huge part of my journey, was actually understanding what mix am I actually sending, you know, so. So he said, I keep repeating moving forward because they stay stuck to the past. They refuse to see the new version of you after putting you through it. Yeah. And I mean, part of it also is it takes time because he has to rebuild trust. And sometimes, yes, sometimes I want to stay attached to the old version because we have different human needs inside of us. Right? And so let's say he gets his need for certainty, Matt. And he's like, no, if I would have to accept a new version of you, then I would have to be okay with the uncertainty because out of the sudden, you're not who I thought you were. And I'd rather insist on that. You are who I thought you were in the past. Right. Okay. So, okay, Mary, what do you think of an ex girlfriend still having keys to an ex's home? And, you know, it's really, really interesting, Mary. We just had something like that come up in our private coaching program. And so I. There's something to be said about boundaries. And you just really have to ask yourself, you know, why does that ex girlfriend. Why is that? There should be clear boundary, if that makes sense. Right? So the clear boundary should be, okay, you know what? Like, I'm dating Mary. Let's say I'm the guy, right? So I'm dating Mary, and I have to tell my ex girlfriend, like, you know, I gotta really distance myself from you because I'm dating somebody. I'm serious about I'm dating somebody that I really. I'm just. I'm serious about pursuing. And I gotta be fair to her. I want to be a man of respect. And we gotta. You know what I mean? We gotta just set some boundaries here. Right? So that's what a man would do when he has what we call King Tegrity. Okay? Now, of course, there's many different reasons to that, but unless there's, like, a dog involved, right? So sometimes people share dogs. I mean, I've heard the stories. Definitely kids, you know, but unless one of these two is involved, I don't really see why the ex girlfriend should have a key to the ex's home. So I would be definitely very, very wary about that. That there's actually some unresolved attachment, maybe something codependent, dysfunctional happening. Mary, tell your story. You know, that does the truth. That's also true for my parents. My parents got divorced when they were 12. So when I was 12. So when my parents. My dad was still coming almost every day, right? And he had a key to the house. And, you know, if somebody would have dated my dad, which I don't know if they did or they didn't, you know, because he wouldn't have technically cheated. I was in high school, so what do I know? I was busy. You know what I mean? I was working. I was in school. But it was because my parents had a very codependent relationship. You know, not romantically, but this very codependent, you know, just like really sort of just help or rescuer thing kind of situation going on. So I definitely concerned about that because that means he's not really fully available. Like, even if he's not romantically involved with this person, why is he incapable? Meaning, I always ask myself, there's all these different energies inside of us. So which of those energies is very distorted and it's actually very, very starving, very unhealed. And what impact does it have on my life? Right? So what does that mean? You know what I mean? Can I trust this man? Not just that he doesn't cheat on me or anything like that, but I mean, like, can I trust this man? Can he parent himself? You know, what, can he do something else with his. With his little boy that wants to be liked or has some sort of codependent relationship or has maybe a hard time saying, setting boundaries, saying, no, Lots of things that are coming to mind here. Yeah. And you said that it separated years ago. 100. So that's what I would actually say. And let's see what Tiagra had to say here. Yes. Or access to kids without your knowledge. Yes. Yeah. Okay, so you're just, like, kind of responding to Mary. All right, ladies, I hope this was helpful for you. And, you know, again, if you have any questions about that, you can always take our quiz@ magnetizeyourman.com to see where you stand as well. Mercedes asked, okay, let's do one more question here. Thanks to his life. Can I ask about going to bed before marriage? Well, this is really interesting. We actually just had a conversation about this with a couple that we interviewed that goes live next week. And, well, it depends on your beliefs. It also depends on your values, right? And so now what I've seen, what's it that it's actually much more valuable to wait. And of course, this is like sort of like the traditional end, so yada, yada, yada. But the reason why I say that is not just like, for, like, religious or traditional reasons, right? But it's actually that the man has to ask themselves the hard questions, what a woman does too, right? To what kind of level of commitment he really has towards you and what's really unresolved. You know, what happens is if you go to bed too early, then an attachment can form. And then some marriages can be built on a foundation that's false. That's actually sand. That's actually just attraction or attraction anxiety. And then you're in this marriage and you're like, holy crap, we're not compatible. Right? Or what I said earlier, right? Like, either the woman feels like, oh, my God, the man is more a liability than an asset, or the man feels, oh, my God, the woman is more liability than an asset. And I didn't see that because, you know, we were just so involved with each other sexually, and I was just, you know, I was so attracted to her, you know, what, you know, or the woman is saying, I was so attracted to him, and I didn't even see that we don't have the same life goals. Or I didn't even think about asking myself this question because I felt like, you know, God was telling me, see, this is the other piece, too. Then, you know, when that happens is it gets very, very thin. It is a very thin veil between knowing, am I actually hearing from God? And I talked about this before about supernatural gifts of the Holy Spirit conversing with God, knowing how God communicates with you, things like that. Right? But, like, what I see a lot is this projection. Then that happens where, oh, God is saying this, you know, and Jesus is telling me that. And, and God is sounding awfully human and also awfully doesn't have all the information, which of course is not true because God is omnipresent. He's the alpha using makeup, right? So it's like, okay, interesting, right? So some of these distortions can happen where God can set up, like, false timelines and things like that. Because it's actually not God speaking through you. So that's the reason why I personally don't believe in going to bed before marriage is a smart decision. If you really want to know if your marriage. If marriage is going to go. If marriage is going to work out for you, you know what I mean? If you're actually going to go all the way and you have it be in a sustainable container. So I hope that was helpful for you, Mercedes. All right, ladies, lots of love. It's been a pleasure. If you have any other questions, you can always pop them into the comment section as well. We have also some fun projects coming your way as well. So definitely, like, keep tuning in. Lots of love. And I'll talk to you on the next live stream. Bye. Bye.